Original subtitles

Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to The Tonight Show. You're

You made it. Thank you.

Thank you for being here for our first show of 2026.

Good luck to everyone who's made New Year's resolutions.

Yeah, some people want to lose weight while others want to gain Venezuela.

Yeah, the big news from this weekend is that... President Trump sent U .S.

troops into Venezuela to capture the country's president, Nicolas Maduro.

Yep, the news took everyone by surprise when I heard there was an operation to

extract a president. I just assumed Trump got stuck in his tanning bed.

Little help, little help.

Yeah, it turns out Trump's New Year's resolution was to distract everyone from

the Epstein files.

It was an odd weekend. For 48 hours, CNN had wall -to -wall coverage of Nicolas

Maduro and Chevy Chase.

Very odd.

Yep, Trump ordered the operation without getting congressional approval, and he

watched it from a Mar -a -Lago situation room.

Ooh. Yeah, which means there's a chance Vanilla Ice knew about the mission

before Congress did.

All right, stop.

Collaborate and listen.

That's right, the Mar -a -Lago Situation Room.

It's historic. It was the first war ever launched from a table next to an omelet

bar.

Apparently, one of the reasons the White House ordered the capture is because

Maduro kept dancing in public, and Trump thought he was mocking him.

Yeah, Trump said he was one YMCA away from getting nuked.

Meanwhile,

after Maduro was captured, Trump posted a photo of him on a plane in noise

-canceling headphones, blackout glasses, and gray sweats. Take a look.

Yeah. Throw in a neck pillow, and that's me when I fly.

Yep, the U .S. says shockwaves around the world with a surprise attack and

capture of Venezuela's president. It's such a huge deal that President Trump

actually agreed to join us right now for an interview about it.

Thank you for doing this. Mr. President, you just invaded a country and captured

its leader.

Which country was it again?

Venezuela.

Close enough.

You didn't get congressional approval before the strike. Is what you did

No, no, no, no, no.

Is it just an attempt to distract everyone from the Epstein file?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Well, I saw a picture of you during the mission, and you were watching a screen.

What exactly were you watching?

Stranger Things. Oh, yeah, that's good.

I read that the CIA was tracking Maduro's location. If another country

tracking you, where would they look?

Burger King, Wendy's.

And McDonald's. Okay, of course, of course.

Now, was the attack a warning to other nations, like, say, Saudi Arabia or

Russia? Saudi Arabia and Russia will repeat... Last

question. You say you want to run Venezuela.

Do you even speak Spanish?

El hombre del pelicuín.

All right, thank you for your time.

Well, with Trump announcing that the U .S. will temporarily run Venezuela, many

are wondering what exactly the plan is. So far, it's been pretty hazy. So for

more on this, we're joined by a member of Trump's team in charge of the plan,

Ryan Beckett. Welcome to the show, Ryan.

So let's get right to it. What is the plan for Venezuela?

Whoa, whoa, whoa now.

You're not even going to start by wishing me a Happy New Year?

I just didn't think that was important.

Everyone knows we are still in that window where you got to start by wishing

person a Happy New Year.

Fine. Okay.

Happy New Year.

Let's talk about the plan.

Thank you.

Same to you.

You did have a good holiday?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was good. Now, moving on. The plan.

Yeah, well, I had a good one, too.

Good holiday.

Spends it with the in -laws, so that was less of a vacation, more of a part

-time job.

Anyway, I should probably let you get back to the show. Take care.

Wait, wait, no, no, no.

You're here to discuss Trump's plan for Venezuela. That's what you're in charge

of. Jimmy, everyone knows 2025 was all about making plans.

2026 is more, it's a more chill year. You know, less planning, more just, you

know, living in the moment. I'm sorry if you can't handle that.

I can handle it. It just sounds like you're saying there isn't a plan.

That is ridiculous. We have a plan. We are going to go into the abyss. And

Eleven is going to face off against Vecna in the Mind Flayer.

That's the finale of Stranger Things.

Okay, okay, fine, fine.

Let's do a little role -playing, okay? All right, just imagine that you are in

charge of coming up with a plan.

What would that plan be? Go.

I don't know.

Wow, wow.

Breaking news. Jimmy Fallon has no plan for Venezuela.

That's not my job. That's your job.

You want a job swap?

No, I want you to explain the plan for Venezuela.

Okay, the plan is...

And that's the plan.

Oh, my gosh. I just realized I muted myself.

We're not on Zoom.

We have to move on. A member of Trump's Venezuela, Peter.

Waste of time.

Muted.

Well, switching gears to some happy news. Today, IHOP launched bottomless

pancakes.

Yep, bottomless pancakes. So far, the record is three pancakes.

Some more business news.

How many pancakes did he eat? Three.

Filling. Some more business news.

Ooh, this is interesting.

What is it?

What is it?

McDonald's is facing a lawsuit claiming that the McRib doesn't actually contain

rib meat.

It's strange. The McRib doesn't contain rib meat. However, the Filet -O -Fish

does.

I feel like these jokes aren't going to work.

It's the food portion.

Yeah, it's the food portion of the monologue.

I'll read this one, but you won't have to laugh at it. Oh, come on. Yeah, the

lawsuit is full of people going, you mean this isn't an organic free -range

McRib?

And finally today, the first ever WeGoby pill was launched in the U .S. Oh.

But this is where the pill comes in three flavors, barbecue, honey mustard,

ranch. There you go.

We have a great show. What a show we have for you tonight. She's a very

actress who stars as Mac in the giant Netflix show Stranger Things. The fifth

and final season is streaming now.

Sadie Sink is here tonight.

This is great.

Also on the show tonight, he's one of my favorites. He stars in the brand new

show Best Medicine, which airs Tuesdays on Fox and streams the next day on Hulu.

Josh Charles is joining us tonight.

And we got great music tonight from AJR!

Fantastic show.

Guys, life can be complicated, but it's not that hard to make it simple. In

fact, everything can be broken down into three simple steps. I'll show you what

I mean. It's time for three simple steps.

Three simple steps, yeah.

Three simple steps.

Okay, our first topic is taking down your Christmas lights.

All right, let's break it down into three simple steps. Step one, get a

Step two, balance it on the side of your house.

Step three, have an ambulance waiting in the driveway to take dad to the

hospital. Three simple steps.

Up next, we have going to the dentist.

Step one, find a dentist.

Step two, make an appointment.

Step three, floss till you bleed so you're technically not lying when they

you if you floss.

Easy. We're done.

Up next, we have copying a document at work. Step one, press copy. Step two,

read toner low.

Step three, walk away and let someone else deal with it.

Up next, we have ordering at a restaurant.

Step one, the waiter asks if you're ready. Step two, telling you just need a

minute. Step three, spend the next 45 minutes wondering if your waiter moved

another country.

Pit of order.

Up next, we have buying a house.

Step one, go on Zillow. Step two, type in your budget. Step three, close your

laptop and walk into the ocean.

Up next, we have recycling.

Step one, gather your items. Step two, spend time carefully separating plastic,

glass, metal, and paper.

Step three, watch the garbage man chuck it all into the same truck.

And finally, we have avoiding stranger things spoilers.

Step one, stay off TikTok.

Step two, okay, maybe just a little TikTok won't hurt. Step three, damn it!

right, well, that's all the time we have for three simple steps. We'll be right

back with Sadie Sink, everybody. Come on back!