Original subtitles

- [Crowd] Juice, Jungle Juice, Jungle Juice!

Jungle Juice, Jungle Juice, Jungle Juice!

- [Director] How's that magic potion today?

How's that Jungle Juice?

- Good. - Good.

- [Director] Okay, you guys, are you ready for this toast?

- [Crowd] Yeah!

(whistle shrilling)

Shut the fuck up!

(director speaking in foreign language)

(crowd speaking in foreign language)

(director speaking in foreign language)

(crowd speaking in foreign language)

(director speaking in foreign language)

(crowd speaking in foreign language)

(director speaking in foreign language)

(crowd speaking in foreign language)

(director speaking in foreign language)

(crowd speaking in foreign language)

- [Crowd] Drink, Drink, Drink, Drink, Drink!

- Okay, everybody, drink out like this,

and we're gonna go firecracker.

- [All] Firecracker, boom, boom, boom!

(all laughing)

(voices clamoring)

(crowd cheering)

(Mrs. Fields yelling)

- Give me drugs!

(tray clattering)

I want some drugs!

Get me an epidural! - No, no, stop!

No, no (screaming)!

- [Ms. Fields] Get me drugs now!

- That's it, Ms. Fields, we see the head.

Go ahead, push! - Push.

- Yes, push. - You push!

(Mrs. Fields grunting)

(Ms. Fields yelling)

- There we go. - It's here.

It's here! (baby crying)

You did it, you did it! - There we go.

- It's a boy!

- It's a boy! - It's a boy?

- Here we go.

I'm just gonna clean him up for you.

- Aw, let me see. - No, wait a minute,

wait minute, wait a minute, wait a minute

wait a minute, wait a minute, wait!

- [Darren] Ever since I could remember,

I never felt safe around women.

(upbeat dance music) (hand slapping)

- What are you doing, asshole?

- [Darren] Now don't get me wrong.

I'm not saying I didn't like women.

It was just, I had a hard time trusting them.

Then I met Rebecca.

Oh, thanks, baby. - Okay.

(car beeping)

- After the breakup with her boyfriend Schmitty,

she was really depressed.

Honey?

So I tried to do everything I could to support her.

Honey?

(paper bags rustling)

(bags crashing)

(Darren groaning)

And it was like meeting my soulmate.

I mean, we had the same taste in food,

enjoyed the same movies,

and she really loved listening to my music.

Rebecca, please. (bells tolling)

- Oh, that is so good.

- [Darren] I started getting the feeling

like she wanted to get married.

So I asked her father for permission.

(Rebecca yelping)

And he seemed to think it was a good idea.

(flashlight clicking)

- Oh, Dad! - Darren,

the other knee, the right knee.

It looks better.

- Isn't it gorgeous?

- [Darren] She was so excited,

she couldn't wait to show everyone her ring.

Everything was working out exactly as planned.

All my life,

I've been looking for that one,

that one woman that I can really trust.

And, uh, now that I've found her,

I'm never gonna let her go.

Right, hon?

- Well, you're just the cutest.

Couple, the two of you.

(minister throat clearing)

- Hon, what's wrong?

- Can you not do that?

Thanks.

(minister sighing)

- [Crowd] Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren!

Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren!

Darren, Darren, Darren.

Yeah!

- Hey. Hey, Darren, you ready for that blowjob now, man?

- No, no blowjobs!

No more, no.

- Let's go, let's go. - No more shots either, man.

I'm serious, no more.

- Hey, what's going on, pal?

Ready for another?

- Schmitty.

No, no, I'm fine, perfect.

- You're getting married tomorrow.

Trust me, you're not fine.

Shots. - Hey, Schmitty,

give me a ride? - Come on, beat it, will you?

- Schmitty, Schmitty, I need to talk to you, man.

I need to get something off my chest.

Listen here.

I, I know that you and Rebecca had a--

- All right, relax.

She's a great girl.

The best man won.

- No, no, no.

Listen, I'm not trying to say I'm the best man.

- What? - And that, and that I won.

What I'm-- - Just say it now.

- What I'm tryin', hold on,

what I'm trying to say is that I, well--

- What? - I guess,

what I want to tell you is that there's no hard feelings

between me and you.

- I respect that.

Line 'em up.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - Come on, come on.

- No, no, no more drinks. - Darren, Darren!

- Come on. - Darren, Darren, Darren!

Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren!

Darren, Darren, Darren!

Yeah!

Whoo!

- Yeah!

Oh?

Oh?

- Oh, God, where's the bathroom?

- Oh! - Thanks, guys.

Come on, come on. - All right.

(upbeat music)

- [Crowd] Becca, Becca, Becca, Becca, Becca!

(crowd cheering)

♪ Drop that, drop that thing ♪

♪ Make that thing go, go ♪

♪ Drop that, drop that thing ♪

♪ Make that thing go low ♪

- Saved me $2, I guess.

You know, $2.

Oh my God, Rebecca,

I cannot believe you're getting married tomorrow.

- Darren is so great

I mean, he is so sweet.

You are just, you are so lucky.

- Has Schmitty said anything to you?

- Well, if you just shut up and let me check my messages,

I could tell you.

- He's probably freaking out right now.

- No, no, no, she does not need to call Schmitty.

- I'm sure he's at home,

crying about-- - Just shut up!

God, both of you!

- Man, I cannot believe, within 24 hours,

I'm gonna be on an island, laying in the sun.

Will you please knock that off?

Thank you.

Hey, man, did you get the tickets?

- Yeah, I got it, but, uh, there's a problem.

There's only two.

- What, I don't, I don't know what you--

- Well, there's not one here for Schmitty.

- You know what, man?

I'm sick of this.

- Hey, you want to keep Rebecca happy,

you gotta bring Schmitty along.

- Why don't I bring Schmitty along to beat your ass?

- [Roy] No drinking, you understand?

- Yes, I'm drinking. - Don't start that!

Don't imitate your mother.

Don't start that, baby girl.

Plenty of time after the wedding.

- Ah, would you give it a rest, Roy?

You ride that girl like she's a goddam hobby horse.

- Hey, she's about to marry a hell of a kid.

I think she could be at least semi-conscious

when it happens.

Put that down! - No!

- You hear me? - Your boy's a twit.

- Put that down, get out! - I need it!

- Rebecca, (door slamming)

come out, come back out here.

- Rebecca and Roy, sittin' in a tree.

- [Roy] Open up!

- K-I-S-S-I-N-G. - Don't make me come in there.

- Who came first, Roy?

The chicken or the egg? - This is your fault.

- The chicken or the egg? - This is your fault.

- Do you, Darren Fields, take Rebecca Callahan

to be your lawfully wedded wife,

for better or for worse,

for richer or for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

until death do you part,

so help you God?

(Mrs. Callahan crying)

- I do.

- Do you, Rebecca Callahan,

take Darren Fields to be your lawfully wedded husband,

for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,

in sickness and in health, until death do you part,

so help you God?

(soft music)

(Schmitty spiting)

(Mrs. Callahan crying)

- I love you too!

- [Darren] Rebecca!

- Holy shit.

- [Darren] Rebecca!

- [Roy] What is it?

- Rebecca! - Excuse me!

Move! - Rebecca!

- I love you too.

I knew it.

- What?

- Don't worry.

(jets whirring)

(gentle music)

Do you see all these hot chicks here?

- [Announcer] We will now continue boarding.

- Stop staring, please.

- If that girl farts, her shoes are gonna blow off.

I'll be right back.

- [Aimee] It is, like, so hot.

I'm sweating, and I don't, I'm not, like, a sweater.

- [Renee] Seriously, diva, if you bitch one more time,

I'm gonna snap.

- [Aimee] Just look for your bag, Renee.

- Aimee, I told you,

I don't want to be called Renee this week.

- Who do you want to be, again?

- Ray, like sun ray.

- Damn, that's sugar.

You know, I should be something, too.

What can I do with Aimee?

- You could be Aim or Me.

- Or-Me.

Damn, I really like that.

- No, just be Me.

- Me?

Hello, if I'm you, then who am I gonna be?

(upbeat music)

- Your friend seems excited.

- Yeah, he's, uh, he's always like that.

- Hi, I'm Felicia Wald.

- Darren Fields.

- Is it just you and your friend?

- Yeah, yeah, how about yourself?

- Oh, I'm here with my husband.

- Oh.

- Yup, my third marriage, his fourth.

- Ladies and gentlemen. - Marriage is tough.

- Yeah, I'm supposed to be on my honeymoon this week.

- [Announcer] Is now boarding at gate 6.

- Really?

- Hi, ladies, how you doing?

Uh, my name's RJ.

- Okay, do you need to be here?

I don't think so.

- I was just actually, I was just going by to-

- Yeah, yeah, RJ, is it?

- Yeah. - Look,

I don't think you have what we want.

- Excuse me? - Relaxing.

That is what we want.

- Relaxing?

Why didn't you say so?

I'm the king of relaxing.

Just start off with a little massage.

- Ew. - Okay, you know what?

(can spraying) - Ah, ah!

- Don't threaten us, okay? - Ow, ow.

- Okay? - Okay, okay.

Maybe next time.

- So I transferred the tickets,

and here we are.

- Oh, you poor thing.

Now, don't you worry.

We're going to find someone very nice to fix you up.

- Let's go, honey.

- Oh, Tom, this is Darren.

- Nice to meet you, Darren.

- Uh, were there any changes?

- Yes, a honeymoon couple change their reservation.

- Oh, I have them.

Mr. and Mrs. Darren Fields.

- It's gonna be Mr. and Mr. Darren Fields.

- Really?

- What?

What are you smiling at?

They're married, okay?

- That never stopped me before.

(lips smacking)

(both speaking in foreign language)

- Oh, Brother!

- What happened?

- Oh, those two chicks?

They wanted me to sit at the bar with them, man.

- No, not with the girls, with your eye.

- What?

Nothing, come on!

- Oh, that'll be so great. - (laughing) Have fun.

A bus is outside waiting for you, okay?

- Hi. - Hi.

Welcome on the island.

- Yo, what's up, kid? - Hey, how's it going?

- La Rozza guest?

- Yeah.

- You all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just, I'm little excited, you know what I'm saying?

- Oh, yeah, a bit excited, aren't you?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Hello, are you with the La Rozza Hotel?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Okay, I have no more wristbands.

And you need them to, you know, for us to know

that you're in the hotel and for the drinks.

So wait here.

I'm gonna get some more, okay? - Okay.

- Wait here. - Okay, thanks.

- Uh, Mr. Fields?

- Oh, you're with Mr. Fields?

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, listen, me and him are kind of on our own,

if you know what I mean.

- Really? - Yeah.

So like, let me know if you got anything cookin'.

'cause I think that maybe you and me can make a good team.

Know what I'm saying?

(bouncy music)

Yeah, cool.

(upbeat tropical music)

(passengers cheering) (passengers applauding)

- Don't push the ladies, that's right!

These two ladies right here, come with us.

The two ladies with the golden hair.

- Hi, I'm Or-Me.

- Or-Me? - Yup.

- His name is Robin.

He'll take care of you the whole time you're here.

- Oh, we have some supports.

- Hi.

It's nice to see you again.

- [Jean Luc] You too.

- [Tom] Tom.

- Hi, Tom, how's the sailing?

- Wonderful.

Where's the bar?

(passengers applauding)

(passengers cheering)

- What's your name?

- RJ. - RJ?

- Yeah.

- Darren. - All right,

check it out, everybody.

Welcome, my name is Brad.

I'm not a prat.

- You do? - Yeah, this is our honeymoon.

- Yeah. - Good?

- Thank you, you have a lovely place.

We love the boat. - Thank you.

- The boat was fantastic. - Thank you.

- Thank you. - All right.

- So we're gonna go now.

- Yeah. - Bye-bye.

- Orientation by the pool in one hour.

Oh, oh.

Careful. (water splashing)

Orientation by the pool, not in the ocean.

- Nobody saw anything, okay?

Don't worry about it, shh, shh.

- Bonjour. - Hi.

- Bonjour to you too. - Oh, you speak French?

- Yeah, I studied a little bit back in school.

(RJ speaking in foreign langauge)

- Sorry, I'm not hungry.

- Dude, don't be lame.

(staff member speaking in foreign language)

- Thank you.

Hey, aren't you coming in?

(staff member speaking in foreign language)

- Ah, shit. - What?

- They forgot to change the room.

(hand slpaping) - Get in there!

- Dance needs to come from the pants, all right?

It needs to come from like, wah!

And you need, you need to feel it right from down,

you know what I'm talking about.

I could tell by the way you're lookin'.

I could tell by the way you're lookin' at me.

All right, you might need some work,

but it's all right.

- Will you come on?

You're worse than a woman.

- What's your deal?

God, first you don't even want to be here.

Now, you're in such a rush.

- I just don't want to be late for orientation, all right?

- Orientation for what?

You bring a chick back to your room and you.

Oh, shit.

- What?

- You got protection?

- Yeah, got 30 right here.

- Jimmy hats, Darren.

We need jimmy hats.

We're going with the soap test.

- The soap test? - Yup.

- What's the soap test?

- When you get a girl, take a shower with her.

When you're in there,

rub your hand with some soap real good.

You're down there checkin' the merchandise, listen.

- Listen for what?

- If she squeals.

If she squeals, she's got something you don't want.

Get the hell out of Dodge.

- So the dance is gonna start when I say musica, all right?

The last two moves are gonna be this.

(funky music)

♪ Shake it, baby, shake it, baby ♪

Everybody, try it!

♪ Shake it, baby, shake it, baby, shake it ♪

Yeah, watch that.

Keep your eyes like a magnet, yes!

♪ Shake it, baby, shake it, baby ♪

♪ Shake it, baby ♪

Yes!

(funky music continues)

- Yeah!

- Look at that!

Oh yeah, oh my God.

- I do not do it like that.

- Can I get you something to drink?

(Renee and Aimee laughing)

Two Sex on the Beach, coming right up.

- Was that just a question you just asked me?

- Or did you just propose to me?

(couple laughing)

- [Both] Isn't that hysterical?

(both laughing)

- Did you know that, uh, one out of every two marriages

ends in divorce in two years,

and three out of five end in five?

Now that's what happened to me

when I returned home from my honeymoon,

this week, three years ago, right here at the La Rozza?

Isn't that a coincidence, huh?

- Honey.

Honey.

Asshole.

(lively music)

- Welcome to La Rozza!

(crowd cheering) (lively music continues)

(chair thudding)

(Darren crashing)

(both laughing)

- Oh, my God. - Are you okay, man?

- Be careful, she's dangerous.

- Sorry, my life is just a mess right now.

I'm just, everything I do--

- Garcon, frozen margarita.

Hi, I'm Tom Wald.

- Hey, uh, excuse me, sir.

I don't mean to be rude,

but, uh, we were having a conversation with the ladies,

if you don't mind. - Easy, easy.

I was just gonna make a comment

on how beautiful these women are.

- Okay, know what, buzz kill, be gone.

Let's go, Aimee. - All right.

- No, ladies, ladies.

- Don't worry, there's others.

- Darren, what the hell's your problem?

- What?

- Loosen up, huh?

Loosen up. - I'm loose enough.

- Yeah, loosen up a little bit, okay?

These girls are primed and ready to go.

They don't want to hear about your dumbass problems.

- I'm loose.

- God.

(chimes tinkling)

- Helps keep you rolling.

- Right.

Hey, man, what are those beads for?

- These beads are used to pay for the drinks.

- Well, where do you get 'em?

- You get 'em at the hostess desk.

- Hey, I'll go. - All right, sweet.

Hey, when you're there,

see if you can pick up some extra sunblock, okay?

- Oh, here, just take mine.

- The other sunblock.

- Right, right, okay.

- This guy.

- Oh, yeah, and the rooms?

Oh.

The rooms are totally different.

- Hi. - Hello.

- Uh, where do I get bar beads?

- At the hostess desk.

- Where's the hostess desk?

- Oh, Darren, I can show you.

Just give me a minute.

- Okay. - No, no, no, not you.

I was talking somebody else.

- Looks like you found a friend.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I guess. - Yeah, one of the perks

of staying at a place like this,

a regular little cutie pie.

- So how long have you been here?

- About two and a half hour.

- No, no, I mean, living here.

- Oh, I'm with the La Rozza Hotel for a year and a half.

- Oh, a year and a half?

Wow, you must love it.

- Ah, there's green grass on both sides.

- What?

- You say this in the United States, yes?

- Oh, you mean the grass is always greener

on the other side.

- Ah, yes, the grass is always greener

on the other side, yes.

- But I, uh, guess you still have to mow the lawn, right?

- Mow the lawn?

- Well-- - I never heard this one.

- Yeah, uh, that was supposed to be funny, but, uh.

It's okay. - Oh.

Oh, it was funny.

- Yeah? - Uh-huh.

- Darren.

Hi.

You need the hostess desk, right?

- Right. - Come on, I'll show you.

- Okay. (lively music)

- So the first time you're in bed with a woman,

she's usually drunk.

She doesn't know what she's got herself into.

She's saying to herself, "Oh my God, what did I do?"

Meanwhile, you're in heaven, huh?

(grunting) Huh?

That's why you go back at it the second time.

But after the second time, that's it.

You drop bait, cut loose.

Otherwise, you'll be paying alimony checks

for the rest of your life.

- All right. (cups clacking)

- You are making friends, right?

- I met your husband at the bar.

- And he tried to pick someone up.

My husband is 58 going on 18.

What he should really be doing

is paying more attention to his wife.

- I guess some people just don't know what they have

until it's gone.

- That is very true, Darren.

- Honey, you look like a daffodil I want to pick.

Would you like some ambrosia from the gods?

- Are these ready to eat?

- They're ready to eat,

but I don't know what to feed 'em (laughing).

- Oh, the melon, it dripped on my suit.

- Drippy.

- It should come out. - Oh, no, I know it will.

I just think I should run some water on it before it stains.

Oh, come on, it'll just take a minute.

- I got some remover.

- Mm, I like both.

- You gotta know how to handle these women, you know?

Take my Felicia.

I give her what she wants, she gives me what I want.

Sometimes, I get a little extra, you know, when I can.

(laughing) That's between you and me.

- Yeah, that's what I keep trying to tell Darren,

but he just, he won't listen to me.

He's got to hear from somebody who knows.

Will you please tell him?

- Sure.

Where is he?

(lively music continues)

- Come on in.

- Um, you know what?

I really should get back because--

- Oh, come on, have a seat.

It'll just take a minute.

I just want to rinse this out before it stains.

- Okay.

- Oh, would you mind grabbing my robe?

- Sure.

- It's hanging on the back of the chair.

- Found it.

- Would you mind bringing it to me?

- Yeah, uh, no problem.

(foreboding music) (knob creaking)

(water spraying)

- Relax. - I'm trying.

(suspenseful music)

- Oh!

Ah!

(suspenseful music continues)

Darren, where are you going?

- I just need to get some sunblock.

(suspenseful music continues)

(upbeat music) (whistle shrilling)

(water splashing) (crowd cheering)

(water splashing)

(crowd cheering)

(upbeat music continues)

(Isabelle singing in foreign language)

(flesh squeaking)

- Whoa!

(face smashing) (flesh squeaking)

(Bruno speaks in foreign language)

- I'm not into that.

- [Darren] Sorry, sorry.

(upbeat music)

(whistle shrilling)

(crowd cheering)

(balloon popping)

- Hey, man, this is for you!

I love you.

Pop the thing, pop!

(balloon squeaking) (crowd cheering)

(upbeat music continues)

(wood cracking)

(crowd cheering)

(upbeat music continues)

- [Darren] Hey, man, have you seen RJ?

- Oh, I think he's right over there.

Um, so what's up with you?

You look different.

- Uh, I don't kiss and tell, man.

(women laughing)

Guess where I just was, man? (RJ groaning)

You know that chick Felicia, Tom's wife?

I was just alone with her in her room.

And I'm telling you, I must be glowing or something,

'cause everybody's staring at me.

- What, did she shit on your face?

- What?

- Your face.

- Oh, I fell on Bruno's ass, too.

(upbeat music continues)

You know, when I heard her scream, I almost took a shit.

- See?

Good thing I told you about the soap test, huh?

- Don't say anything, okay?

- Who am I gonna say anything to?

- I'm serious.

- Hey, Mr. Wald, you're a really funny guy.

And I hear your wife gives a great blowjob.

- It's not funny.

(lively music) (voices clamoring)

Make sure you put that on evenly.

- Yo, check it out.

Renee and Or-Me are heading to the beach.

Hey, you keep the other one busy.

I'm gonna go for the goofy one, right?

- Hey, what about these two? - Oh, yeah.

- The two new gay boys?

- You think? - Yo, Darren!

Yo, what's up, man?

Come here a for minute.

Come here, I want to show you something.

Come here.

I'm so sick of this.

(Isabelle laughing)

He looks really boring.

- Yeah? - Uh, do you guys move?

- Move? - Move.

Dance, can you dance?

- Oh, yeah, but I mean, we're not really dancers.

- It's okay.

We do a show every week with the guests.

You want to do it with us this week?

- Uh, it sounds great, but you know what?

We left our dancing shoes at home.

Come on. - Hey, well, wait.

What do we gotta do?

- Move, just move, it's just like play.

You're just gonna-- - Come on.

- What? - Let's go to the beach.

- Just-- - You know what?

It's okay. - Jut get up and go.

Why don't you go pick up some bar beads?

Okay?

- Yeah, I'll go pick up some bar beads.

- When you take somebody, you take them,

all right? - Okay.

- And then you use your whole bottom and you just lift.

Ugh, your pinching.

That's all right, listen. - Okay.

- Go over here for a second.

Bend down.

One, two, three, I lift you!

See, now that's a lift.

You use it from here.

You understand what I'm saying?

- You know, I don't, I don't know if I'm cut out for this.

- It's very easy, trust me.

It's like, uh, drop in the bucket.

- Drop in the bucket, drop.

- Right, okay, okay. - Okay?

So we're gonna meet every day,

uh, starting tomorrow, all right?

- Yeah, okay, okay.

- Is RJ going to be upset with that?

- Oh no, no, he does his thing.

I do my thing, you know.

- Oh, that's so sweet. - Yeah.

- You've been together for a long time?

- Oh, known each other since junior high, you know?

- And you're still together?

- I can't get rid of him, I'm serious.

- No, that's very, that's rare and beautiful.

- Beautiful?

Guy's up my ass all the time, so.

- [RJ] Hey, Darren, are you comin' or what?

- See what I mean? - Okay.

- Yeah. I'm, oh? - Okay, he'll see you.

He'll see you!

Okay, just be back here about four o'clock tomorrow.

- Okay. - All right, we'll work more.

- Nice to meet you, man. - Nice to meet you, man.

- Yeah, yeah. - Man!

- Okay. - That.

Um. (everyone laughing)

Okay.

- What a schmuck.

(Darren grunting)

- Get up. - Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.

- God, I haven't seen this many balloons

since my 10th birthday party.

Look at this, man.

- Oh man, something about these French babes,

they're just so sexy.

- Yeah, they don't bitch in English.

Listen, I think you're really wasting your time

trying to nail that dancing girl, man.

- I'm not tryin' to nail her.

- Yeah, right.

- Man, are we gonna go to that picnic tomorrow or what?

- I don't want to go on a picnic.

I got balls the size of watermelons.

I want to get laid, you know what I'm saying?

- Well, then that's why we gotta go--

- Oh my God, look at this.

Look, at this.

Oh my God, look at this.

They're coming this way, they're coming.

Put your glasses on, put your glasses on.

Don't look.

- Hi, guys.

- Hey, hi. - Hey, how's it going?

- So, any problem with the room?

- Problem?

- No, no, no. - No, no.

- [Hostess] We're asking people to go on a picnic.

Would you two like to go?

- Absolutely, yeah - Yeah, sure.

- [Hostess] Pick up some snorkel equipment first.

Then be at the dock at 11.

That's when the boat leaves.

- 11.

11, we'll be there.

(staff member speaking in foreign language)

- Oh my God, oh my God, oh!

(flipper thudding)

God.

Man, I don't understand.

I should be able to slip it right in.

- What are you doing?

You gotta stretch it first.

- Well, that's what I've been trying to do.

- Keep working it, it'll get loose.

(flipper thudding) - It's not going in.

I don't know how many times I gotta tell you,

it's not going in. - Keep pushing it!

- I'm pushing as hard as I can.

- Don't stop pushing

unless you think you're gonna get a blister.

(Darren groaning) Come on, come on.

- It won't go, man. - Keep pushing, come on.

It's gonna get loose. - I'm trying to do that,

but it's just not going in.

- Keep going. (Darren groaning)

- Oh, it's in. - How does it feel?

- [Darren] Man, it feels so tight.

- That's perfect.

- Well, now what do I do with this?

- Okay, put that in your mouth.

- Like this? - Yes.

- [Darren] It keeps slippin', man.

- You gotta bite on it, Darren.

All right, take that other end

and stick that in the little hole.

Stick it in. - Okay.

Man, it's not going.

- You gotta wet it.

- I gotta wet it? - Wet it.

Spit on it real quick.

(Darren spitting) Now slide it in.

Slide it in, slide it in. - It's in.

- Make sure you stick it in there all the way

or else it's gonna pop out.

- How deep are we gonna go?

- Don't worry.

When you think you've gone too deep,

you stop and you pull out.

All right, there's nothing to be nervous about, Darren.

- It's not that I'm nervous.

I've just done this before.

- I understand, okay, but-- - Walk, thank you.

- You gotta do it, okay?

You're gonna get used to it.

- Come on. - trust me.

- A little bit private, okay.

- Put it in. - It doesn't--

- Put it in your mouth. - It doesn't feel right.

- Don't worry, my brother and I,

we used to do this all the time.

It's fun.

Come on, let's go.

- Yeah, man.

We're gonna have good fun now, huh?

You got the blood, the thunder,

the earthquake, and the fire.

The truth is gonna. - We got to get some,

we got to get some shit right now.

I want some of it.

(hose squirting)

That was good.

One more, please.

(hose squirting)

Great.

- So you gentlemen are going on the picnic?

- Oh. - Come on, yeah!

Get your Jungle Juice, yeah!

- Ah! - Go now!

- [Tom] Thanks, I got my own.

- [Aimee] Wait!

- We'll get you on the boat, man.

- Don't leave!

Don't leave.

Hey, this is the picnic boat, right?

- No, lady, this here is the Minnow,

and my name is Gilligan.

- Oh, that's too bad,

because we're looking for a rastaman

with a nine-pound cock.

Bye-bye.

- Later. - Come on, Aimee.

(upbeat tropical music)

♪ Yeah ♪

- Come on. - Hey, ladies.

How you doing?

Interested in something sweet and delicious today?

- Yeah.

- Here you go.

Sweetheart?

- Thanks. - No?

- I don't drink.

♪ Baby ♪

♪ What they knew this place you see ♪

(singer singing in foreign language)

♪ My baby, yeah ♪

- What's happenin', man?

- I keep drinking this shit and nothing's happenin'.

That's what's happenin'.

- Want to try one of these, man?

- What is it?

- Ecstasy in the daytime,

downers in the night.

- [RJ] Yeah.

(chimes tinkling)

- Hey, hit the bitch. - I don't want that shit, man.

- No? - No, no, that shit sucks.

(whistle shrilling) Thanks, though.

(energetic music)

- Drinks!

Know how we're gonna make love!

(all cheering)

♪ They went right out to sea ♪

♪ They poured so many drinks ♪

♪ Many bars, they moved on to ♪

- Hey, man.

Did we take the right ones?

♪ Whoa ♪

- I don't think so.

- Land ho!

(whistle shrilling)

Here!

Jump when I jump!

I need to hear your heart sing,

shut the fuck up!

Let's try it one time.

(whistle shrilling)

- [Crowd] Shut the fuck up!

- That's perfect.

(crowd cheering)

Now, Come On I Wanna Lay Ya Island was renamed Iguana Isle

when a broken-hearted man come here in search of his wife.

All the man found was a little iguana named Pavel.

And nobody seen the man since (laughing).

All right, look over here,

and you can see our illustrious leader,

the man responsible for all this happiness,

Mr. Jean Luc!

(crowd cheering)

Jean Luc!

Jean Luc, Jean Luc!

Jean Luc, Jean Luc!

- [Crowd] Jean Luc, Jean Luc!

- Yeah, all right.

Make a speech, today! - Jean Luc, Jean Luc,

Jean Luc, Jean Luc, Jean Luc, Jean Luc, Jean Luc.

(crowd cheering)

- Let us pray to the mighty iguana

to bless our day

and promise him that we will obey his commands.

- Hey, you're looking great. - Hey, hey, hey.

- Stop, listen to Jean Luc.

- That was very rude.

- You want to hang out later?

- Running to the sea. - No.

- How are you doing? - Repeat after me.

- No.

- I shall not cavort.

- [Crowd] I shall not cavort.

- With another man's wife.

- [Crowd] With another man's wife.

- Unless he and she like it.

- [Crowd] Unless he and she likes it.

- Let's get the games rolling!

(crowd cheering) (energetic music)

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ (whistle shrilling)

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ah, ah, what are you thinking ♪

♪ Oh, oh, when you're making love ♪

♪ Does it feel divine ♪

- [Person] I need Jungle Juice!

- Me!

- You got to lay there, son.

♪ What are you thinking of ♪

- Come here, take a drink, you can bow down.

She's ready to drink.

♪ Does it feel divine ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ To take your time ♪

♪ So what's your position ♪

♪ Is it girl on top ♪

♪ And is the guy on the bottom ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock ♪

♪ She say, whose decision when you spring back ♪

♪ Is it the girl on the bottom, the guy on top ♪

♪ Your favorite situation when you're ready to pop ♪

♪ Is it in your house or the back of your car ♪

♪ Whose position when you slip her your knot ♪

♪ If you want to have fun ♪

♪ You hit me with something, go ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

(whistle shrilling)

- [Crowd] Shut the fuck up!

- I think I love you.

(upbeat music) (voices clamoring)

- Come on, come on! - Come on, come on!

(contestant cheering) - Go team, go, go!

- One!

Two!

Three!

- Over here, over here!

Over here.

Hurry up.

Go on, shoot, shoot!

Get down, get down there.

Go, go, go, go!

(crowd cheering)

- Go! - Go, come on!

Go!

(Aimee shouting) Go!

Hands on the head, hands on the head!

Come on.

(crowd cheering) ♪ And you're rolling on ♪

- Go! (crowd cheering)

♪ My luck is running out ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a superstar ♪

- I mean, Jesus!

♪ Give me ♪

♪ Give me the sex appeal ♪

- No, I want to chug!

- Sure.

♪ No bitch that can have me ♪

♪ When it's time and come to ♪

♪ And I shake D on the TV ♪

♪ That only been watching on TV ♪

♪ Meet me on the big name show ♪

- Come on, loser!

Yeah, you!

- [Crowd] Go, go!

Go, go, go, go!

(body crashing) (crowd cheering)

- [Person] Go, go, go!

♪ And I'm rolling on ♪

♪ Love how you do it ♪

♪ Oh ♪

(whistle shrilling)

(crowd cheering)

(whistle shrilling)

♪ 'Cause I'm a superstar ♪

- Into the water! (water splashing)

♪ I'm, yeah, I'm your super stardom ♪

♪ Yeah, the superstar life ♪

(flesh crunching) (RJ yelling)

- Oh my fucking God!

Holy shit!

Oh!

Fuck me, oh, oh! (water splashing)

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh my fucking fuck.

Oh!

- Come on, I got you, man, oh!

All right, you got him now.

- Oh my God.

- All right. - Here we go, bro.

Off we go, we got you.

We got you.

- Thank you, thank you.

- My goodness.

Hey, wait.

- What are you doing?

- What do you think you are doing, mate?

- I'm gonna go hook up with that Felicity broad.

- Mate, mate, mate, mate,

she wants the big willy.

You can't help her.

Get your ass back on the boat.

- (laughing) Who are you talking to?

- I'm talkin' to you, mate.

- I watched the boat last week.

You watch the boat now.

- It doesn't matter. - I don't care.

- She wants me. - You go watch the boat.

- Listen, why don't you both come with me

and get someone else to watch the boat?

- Bada bing.

- All right then. - All right.

- Brad. - Oh, you look great, honey.

- Darren, if you were on my team, I'd give you the week off.

- For what?

- Good behavior.

You're good with people and you're a nice kid,

so if you wanted to work for me,

just let me know.

- Okay, well, thank you, thanks.

Thanks.

- Where will I see you in a half hour?

- Rehearsal.

- Punctuality is important or not?

- It is. - That's right.

You're so sandy.

Clean off the sand.

I know the sand gets everywhere, so get it out.

These guys are way too gay for me.

- Honey! - No.

- Honey, please! - I don't

want to talk about it.

- [Newlywed] Honey, come here!

(Isabelle humming)

- Isabelle? (Isabelle humming)

Isabelle?

Isabelle.

(bright music)

- Hey, you're early.

- You have such a beautiful voice.

I've actually, I've heard you sing before.

- Yeah, well, I think

you should keep your business from my nose.

Okay, come on, let's go.

(perky music)

(singer singing in foreign language)

- Sabrina, you've come a long way, Sabrina.

I remember when you were so shy.

- Thank you. - All right, everybody.

- Where the hell are my shoes?

- You have beautiful feet.

You don't need no shoes. - Find my jacket.

- Listen, honey, just relax.

If you don't have a jacket, just wear that.

- I can't find anything here.

- Oh my God, perfect.

- Where's my? - Everybody!

Just relax, okay?

We're gonna do relaxation later, all right?

Okay, and everybody is, like, running to.

Angela?

This is, Angela, you know what's gonna happen

if you walk out there like this?

- What?

Excuse me, what is wrong with it?

It's fine.

How would you like me to wear it?

- This goes on the right side.

- I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm so late, I'm sorry.

- You know what happens when a dancer is late?

- What? - They get slapped

or they get fired.

Excuse me, sit right here.

Here!

- [Performer] You want me to help you put this on?

- [Brad] Dance bill!

- Very funny.

- Here, put this on, put that away.

Chin to your chest and around to the right, little circle.

Good, head forward, back.

Now relax.

- Uh, Brad, places.

- Okay.

Go, gotta go! (performers chattering)

Relax, still relax!

Just do it quickly! - Okay.

- Whoo, whoo!

(gentle music)

- They look good together.

- They worked hard.

- That's not work.

That's magic.

- [Brad] So what about you and Felicia?

- Magic?

We never had magic.

- Never?

- 16 years of therapy

and I'm still trying to figure out why.

- 16 years?

That's a long time with the same woman.

- 16 years but with four Mrs. Walds.

- Oh.

Maybe you're choosing the wrong partners.

- You sound like my therapist.

- That's funny.

You sound like my ex.

- So, you had fun this week at La Rozza?

- Oh my God, I, seriously, I've had like the best time.

I'm not even kidding.

I'm so bummed I have to leave.

- Yeah, that happens.

It happened to me

when I came here the first time with my boyfriend.

And after a few days,

I caught him cheating on me with another guest.

So they left, and I stayed.

He really broke my heart, really.

- I've definitely had my heart broken.

But, uh, I think I've found someone new.

- What about RJ?

- Well, he knows, but, um--

- He is upset?

- All week long, I've really just been,

I've been trying to find the words to, to, to,

to find a way to say--

- Does Brad know any of this?

- No, why?

- I think you should tell him.

- Why? - Because,

you are leaving tomorrow and you may not get another chance.

- And I should tell Brad?

- Of course.

- Well, what's he gonna do?

- You won't know unless you ask.

- Well, I'll tell him later, I mean--

- Darren, this is the time.

- Well, look, trust me, it can really wait.

I'm serious.

- Everyone's life is made up of moments, okay?

Not days, not weeks, not years, but moments.

Just a few moments in your life, that's what you remember.

If it's the right moment, you go for it.

What are you doing?

- Well, I don't.

- I was talking about Brad.

- What, Brad?

- Well, who are you talking about?

- I was talking about you.

- Oh, no, it's about Brad.

- Is about Brad?

Isabelle.

(somber music)

- [Batman] Let's go!

Come on, hurry up, get on your feet.

You don't have to go home,

but you can't stay here. - RJ?

RJ?

- The boat!

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

- [Tom] I don't what to say.

- You don't have to say anything.

- It was different.

- Different can be nice.

- But,

it feels weird.

- Okay.

You know what, that's natural.

Why don't you call me in a year?

- Gentlemen, I don't even know what to say.

- It's not a problem at all.

- Well, it was different.

- Well, different can, uh, can be good.

- RJ!

I won't be needing these.

- How was your stay? - Let's go, let's go.

- That's fine. - Let's go.

- Have a good day today.

- What do they suggest?

- Jean Luc, Were you serious about me working here?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Where's my stuff?

- Darren, where you been?

I packed it.

Come on, let's go.

- I'm staying.

- You're what?

- I'm staying. - Are you fuckin' high?

Give me your hand.

- Man, I got nothing to go home to.

- You're gettin' on the boat.

- There's nothing home for me, RJ.

Jean Luc offered me a job.

He said I could work here if I wanted to.

We could do this together.

- Dude, do you really want to stay here

and work with these retards?

Is that really what you want?

- What do you got to go home to?

What, Lisa?

You hate that girl.

- So?

- So we stay an extra week.

What's the big deal?

- Darren, what is this, Rebecca time?

- You know what, you're just pissed off

because you didn't get laid.

- What, do you, do you need permission to use the remote?

- Maybe. - Here you go.

Please, show me how to use it. - If you wouldn't have been

passed out the whole time.

- I can't even. - During the picnic,

it would've happened for you.

- Come on. - Just stay an extra week

and give it a shot, man. - Get on the boat, Darren.

- I'm not gonna do this without you.

Please.

(light music)

(crowd clapping) - Break, break, break, break,

break, break, break, break, break,

break, break, break, break, break!

- All right!

(upbeat music) (crowd cheering)

Yeah!

Tell us where you're from.

- Hey, man, do you think you can try

to not look so miserable?

- You don't even know how big you owe me, Darren.

- Come on, it's a beautiful day, beautiful women.

- They got me wearing a dress.

- So?

- Great to see all of you.

I'm so nauseous, I could vomit.

How you doing?

- How are you?

I'm Vanessa. - Oh, I love your hat.

- Hello there. - That's nice.

I swear to God, I'm losing it.

- You're fine.

Just stop it.

- What can I do for you?

- Well, I sure would like a tall blonde, handsome man

who knows how to treat a lady, if you know what I mean.

- RJ, this is Suzy.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Nice to meet you.

- Step this way. - Gladly.

- Ooh, got big fellas.

Oh my God, so big.

- Whoa, dude, look at all this bush.

- I'm looking, and it's all ours.

- We have orientation by the pool in a half hour,

followed by a smack down at the jacuzzi.

- [Darren] I'm gonna go look for Isabelle.

(upbeat music continues)

- How you doing?

You okay?

If you have any problems with digestion,

I got coffee enemas, all right?

What's the matter?

You're looking at me like.

- Ah, beautiful, pretty girl.

Now make sure you get some Jungle Juice, all right?

- Welcome.

- How are you?

- [Rebecca] How are you?

- No.

- How are you? - I'm very well.

I'll be your bartender. - See you at the bar.

- All right, get it up, man, get it up.

You're lookin' good, boss.

- No, it's all right.

- Yeah, get your fountain choice.

- Oh, no.

- Having floating anxiety? - Oh no.

- I get that all the time.

You want a Percodan?

- Sophia, have you seen Isabelle?

- Don't you leave today?

- Um, actually I work here this week.

- Work here?

(Sophia speaking in foreign language)

(bright music)

- Welcome to La Rozza!

(crowd cheering)

(bright music continues)

(chair crashing)

- [Monster] Hey, are you sure you're good?

- Yeah, I'm good. - I guarantee you he's here.

I told you that, with a guy named RJ.

You know them?

- Yes, I know them.

But I think they left this morning.

- Well, think better, think again.

- Dad, he doesn't know him.

- Hey. - Mademoiselle,

would you like something to drink?

- No. - Okay.

- (laughing) How about a Sex on the Beach?

- What'd you say?

- It's a drink.

Would you like one too?

- No. - What can I get for you?

- Nothing. - But Monsieur,

this is paradise.

You must have something to drink.

- What part of nothing don't you understand?

Come on.

- Dad, I'm just trying to be social.

- Yo, yo, yo take a look at this.

- No. - That's all you, bro.

- Dude, dude. - That's all you, man.

- Dude, you saw that first.

You are all over that.

- No, no, check out this one that just walked up to the bar.

Now that's me.

- Can I get you gentleman something to drink?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pepe Le Pew, who's that?

- Mademoiselle Isabelle.

- Yo, Pepe, let me ask you something.

Does she fuck, man?

- (chuckling) All girls fuck.

Whether or not they fuck you is a different story.

- Fuck me?

Look at me.

Fuck me?

I'd fuck me.

- If I was a chick, I'd do ya.

- Yeah?

(drinks slurping)

(both groaning)

- Excuse me. - Hey buddy,

here for one more week?

Huh, can I get you something to drink?

Hey, buddy, rock star?

(ethereal music)

(laughing) Big sex machine?

Hey, buddy, here for one more kick at that can, beef cake?

(record scratching) (upbeat music)

- What's going on?

- Nothing much.

Are you here for one more week?

- No, actually, um, I'm working here.

- (laughing) You are shitting me.

- No.

- You spoke to Jean Luc?

- Yeah, yeah, he says everything's cool.

I'm working with you behind the bar.

What do I do? - Well,

all right, but I'm not teachin' you

the fuckin' drinks, okay?

- What happened to your accent, Frenchie?

I thought you were from Paris.

- You thought wrong, Gomer.

Can I get you something to drink?

(bottle spraying)

- Dude, man, your striations are really prominent, bro.

- You think so? - Yeah.

Cool, hey, get my back, would you?

- You look good man.

You look good. - Thank you.

I feel good, yeah. - You look good.

I'd do me. - You know?

Dude, dude, dude.

- What?

- Whoa.

Look at the two mountains in front of us.

- [Monster] Whoa, whoa.

- Whoa.

- Whoa.

(dramatic music)

(liquid splashing)

- Ah, yeah.

Mm.

Ooh, yeah.

- [Rock] Uh, pardon?

- What's my name? - I, uh, I don't know.

- You better think of one that I like, bitch.

- Mommy, Mommy, Mama, Mommy!

- Squeal like a pig.

(Rock squealing) Squeal louder!

(Rock grunting)

- Squeal!

(Rock grunting)

I've been a bad boy, Mommy.

Dude, dude, I got enough oil, okay.

Dude, enough!

(fire roaring)

- [Monster] Oh, oh shit!

- Holy shit! - Ah!

(water splashing)

- It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay, it happens all the time, don't worry.

He's fine.

He'll be fine, okay?

I love myself.

I hate men.

- Bruno, why do you have to be so--

- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

- It's got to be one party-- - What are you talking about?

- To get everybody intoxicated.

We need more alcohol. - There is enough.

- Listen, we have to get these people wrecked, right?

And let me tell ya, that ain't gonna happen

with four bottles of rum - Slow down, how many more

bottles do you want? - We need something, like,

I don't know, like. - 600.

- Yeah, 600 bottles.

- Oh, fuck the shut up.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, man. - Hey, homeless guy.

- I'm supposed to be, uh, working with you guys.

- Get the fuck outta here. - Who told you that?

- You spoke to Jean Luc?

- Yeah, yeah. - Hey, wait a minute,

I heard that you banged that chick Felicity.

- Mm. - You mean Felicia?

- Whatever her name is, did you?

Look at the smile. - Ah!

- Look at the smile. - Yeah.

- He tagged her first. - Yeah.

- So that means he goes up on the board.

- Go ahead, man, throw him a bone (laughing).

- Hey, uh, what was your name again?

- It's Darren.

- So how long you gonna be with us, man?

- I'm not sure.

Hey, who's Rufus and Mario?

- That's none of your business.

- You're gonna love this, mate.

Only guests that you physically had intercourse with

go on the wall, you get it?

See, Jean Luc doesn't like the VRs

sleeping with each other, you know?

We got to save it for the guests, mate.

All right, it makes for a better atmosphere,

especially for the birds.

These ladies, they pay a lot of money to come here, mate.

And what they're looking for

is that beach boy they read about in "Cosmo."

And that is us.

Now, grab the cart.

(hands clapping)

(solemn music)

(waves crashing)

- [Darren] So you saw her with her dad?

Do you know why they're here?

- I don't know.

Hey, what's grenadine?

- [Darren] Red bottle.

Did they see you?

- I don't know.

How much do I put in?

- A splash.

Do they know I'm here?

- How much is a splash, Darren?

- Aw, man, Isabelle, she won't even talk to me.

- Darren, could you please just open the book

and help me out here?

- I'm telling you, every single time,

every time we're talking, she just runs away.

- So that's how it's gonna be?

You're just not gonna help me at all.

Uh-oh, incoming, two o'clock.

Want to help me with that tequila sunrise, now, bud?

- Hey, Darren.

Is this wild or what?

- Yeah, we heard that you missed your flight.

So we thought we'd just come on over

and see what you're up to.

- Great.

- What's, uh, RJ doing behind the bar?

- Something to drink?

- Yeah. - No!

(Isabelle speaking in foreign language)

- Okay.

- Darren, sweetie, is there somewhere that we can talk?

(glass clattering)

- [Darren] Isn't that what we're doing?

(Isabelle speaking in foreign language)

- No, in private, silly.

Come on. - Yeah.

- [Rebecca] Come on, come on,

would you please just sit down for a second?

- What are you doing here?

- (scoffing) Well, Darren,

I'm the one who wanted to come here

in the first place, okay?

Remember, not you.

You know, this was supposed to be my vacation too.

I took off a whole week from work.

- How could you walk out on me like that?

How could you do that?

- Well, that was wrong.

We should have probably talked about that.

- Yeah.

- But, you know, I just,

I don't think that I was ready to get married yet.

I mean, I was really confused.

And Schmitty came crying to me.

And,

anyway, it doesn't matter.

(somber music)

'cause it's all over now.

And I really want to make this work.

(chair scraping) And I really think that.

Where are you going?

- I have to be up early for work tomorrow.

- Well, I came all the way down here to be with you.

What am I supposed to tell my father?

- Um, I don't know.

How about the truth?

- Okay, fine, Darren.

But you know what?

That makes us even, doesn't it?

Darren?

(energetic music)

- Thank you.

- I don't know what it is,

but I can't even get a guy to come talk to me.

- Honey, every guy in here wants to touch you.

It's all in your eyes.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Where's your room?

- Not tonight, Josephine (laughing).

(romantic music)

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Gum?

- No, thanks.

- Maybe you'll want a piece for later.

- I'll save it.

Thank you.

- Groovy place, huh?

- Wild.

- I couldn't help but notice

you were having just a little tiny problem with, uh,

would that be your wife or just your girlfriend?

- You're talkin' about my daughter.

(Candice laughing)

- It is not!

You liar, you,

You're a bad, bad boy, you (laughing).

- How you doin'?

- How you doing, how you doing?

You know these guys?

- Never saw 'em in my life.

- What are you looking at?

- Dude, look at yourself.

You look like a bus driver, man.

- Nice T-shirt.

What are you, 5th grade?

(Candice laughing)

- They're so immature.

They're not nice and sophisticated like you are.

I'm not married.

(romantic music continues)

(waves crashing)

- Got to twist it harder, hon.

Say, what are you doing?

- I'm twisting it. - Well, not that hard.

(friend speaking in foreign language)

- Screw you. - No, not in this lifetime.

- Man, does he ever help?

- Who, Mr. Lazy?

No, no, he doesn't lift a finger.

And what about you?

You gonna help me out with this shit or what?

Let's go.

- [Darren] Well, let me clean my hands first.

- [Robin] Get outta here, come on.

- This will be all this week, darling.

- Oh, okay.

- Hey, green butt, I got a present for you, man.

- Are you coming on the picnic today?

- No, no, no, no.

Pierre's got me de-seeding watermelons

or something like that.

Check this out, Tom gave me these before he left.

- What are you doing with those?

You're gonna get in trouble, man?

- Spice up the picnic.

- Give me those. - No, no, no, no.

Are you gonna put 'em in?

- Are you fuckin' nuts?

Give me these. - Fellas, fellas.

- Look what you did.

- Have fun, man.

- Yeah, thanks.

- So you're sure you don't want to come?

- Nah, it's too hot.

- Yeah. - I want to stay here.

- Okay. - Take it easy by the pool.

You and Darren go have fun.

- Nice, lady.

All right, boss, I like your style man.

You go on the boat and you have a good time.

- Yo, Rebecca, get over here!

- [Rock] Come here.

Get over here!

- Rebecca, what are you doing here?

(Rebecca laughing)

What are you doing? - Where did you get that?

- What are you doing here?

- I'm going on your picnic. - No, no, no, no.

No, you're not. - You got a problem with that?

- No, Mr. Callahan, I, I, I, I wasn't trying--

- Why don't you put something on?

- Yo, Rebecca! - Mr. Callahan,

I mean no disrespect. - Come here!

- But I'm begging you-- - See you later, Daddy.

- Rebecca, cupcake,

be careful.

- Mr. Callahan, I mean no disrespect, but I'm begging you,

do not let your daughter go on this picnic.

Please, I'm just looking out

for the welfare of Rebecca here, I'm serious.

I'm just begging you

to not let your daughter go on this picnic.

- I'll talk to you later.

- Sure.

Rebecca!

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Shorty ♪

♪ Maxin', baby ♪

- Uh, uh, uh!

Come on I Wanna Lay You Island!

Renamed Iguana.

It's a.

Come I Wanna Lay You, I Wanna Lay.

Oi!

If you don't want to listen, mate,

you still have to do it like everyone else.

Oi!

Oi, you bloody wankers!

Bloody fuckin' hell!

(energetic music) (crowd cheering)

- Hey! - Hey!

- Hey, what's up, man? - Good, how we doing?

- Cool, how's it going over there?

- What, are you blind, huh?

This place is out of control.

Everybody's wrecked.

- Hey, what's, uh, what's up with that Rebecca chick?

- Hm?

She's hammered. - Yeah?

- And that's exactly what I'm gonna do to her, tonight,

after this picnic (chuckling).

- Hey, man, uh, I should tell you, I had her last night.

- Get outta here.

- Yeah. - You did?

- Yeah. - How was she?

- Wouldn't go there, man.

She's not all that. - No?

That's 'cause you don't know what you're doing.

So listen, tonight, me and you, we're gonna get her,

we're gonna bring her back to my room.

And I'm gonna show you how it's done, okay?

- You go ahead, man.

- Why?

Listen to me, you have to remember,

every chick on this island is sloppy second, okay?

So get that through your head, all right?

Let's get with the program.

And don't burn the burgers, all right?

(crowd cheering) (upbeat music continues)

- All right, I see you, mate.

Bloody wanker.

If you look over here, if you, if you,

if you look over there,

you'll see our illustrious leader.

He's coming this way.

So I want you all to look that way at Jean Luc.

You bloody fuckin' wankers!

(crowd cheering) (upbeat music continues)

I can't understand it.

They won't listen to me.

They're mental.

- What about the juice?

- It's all gone, mate.

It's all gone.

(crowd cheering)

(Rebecca cheering)

- Stop!

- You need to stop drinking.

Do you understand me? - Why don't you

come play with us? - No, I don't want to.

Okay, will you look at yourself?

You are making a fool out of yourself.

- You're making a fool out of yourself.

- There is E in the juice, Rebecca.

There is E in the juice.

- (laughing) Okay.

- Will you stop it?

- You stop it.

- Come here, baby, come here.

Yo, Darren,

what did I tell you, man? - Whoo!

- It's my time.

Why don't you get the hell outta here, all right?

- [Rebecca] Whoo!

- You see that, you see what I'm talking about?

I told Bruno, we need more alcohol.

- I heard you.

- He's trying to get me fired

because I did a little kickback with his wife, see?

Wanker. - Hey, I saw you.

(urine splattering)

- All right. - Wait, wait.

- Listen, mate.

- [Robin] We're giving the special today.

- Give them a little Jungle Juice

they'll never forget, all right?

- Guys, you realize how fucked up they are?

(crowd hooting)

- [Crowd] Jungle Juice, Jungle Juice, Jungle Juice,

Jungle Juice, Jungle Juice, Jungle Juice,

Jungle Juice, whoo!

(crowd cheering)

(energetic music)

- Who's got my shoes, my little red shoes?

This girl's walking, and she wants to be comfortable.

Am I interrupting?

I'm sorry.

Okay, you guys, uh, enjoy.

Remember, it's a party.

- Oh, couple brazoos.

- Yo, man.

- Um, RJ, could you give my boys another drink?

♪ Ah, know now how foolish ♪

- What? - Oh, come on.

- Not again, man? - That's a dude.

That's a dude, aw.

- Isabelle.

Can you please tell me what the problem is?

- Should not have stayed.

- [Darren] Want to know what I think?

- What?

- I think you're scared.

- Scared of what?

- I don't know.

I think you really want to leave this place.

- No.

No, it's not that.

It's-- - Then why don't you leave?

- Okay.

- No, no, not right now.

Isabelle, I didn't mean to leave right now.

(Darren sighing)

- Darren, let her go, she's a VR, man.

- You know, I got to tell you, man, you kill me.

You know, one minute, you can't wait to get outta here.

And the next minute, you're like, you know,

you got a new career here.

- What, you think I'm having fun here?

♪ I'm just a lonely man ♪

- Take you out for dinner and do a little dancing.

(guest speaking in foreign language)

- Drink some wine.

(guest speaking in foreign language)

- No English?

- No. - At all?

- No.

- Ah, your coconut surprise, ma'am.

- You know, you should stand up when you address a lady?

- I am standing.

Oh, yeah?

I'm into that macrobiotic stuff myself.

- Yeah, it shows.

(RJ speaking in foreign language)

- Wait, okay.

(guest speaking in foreign language)

- Maybe later?

Okay, why you being so mean to me?

- I usually get paid to babysit.

- My body is my temple.

- Yeah, well, I think you have a hole in roof.

- No, no. - RJ,

you wore me out last night.

Would you be more gentle?

My ass is delicate.

- No, no, no, no, no. - I think I'll leave you two.

- No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I don't know-- - He's just being.

You're a rookie.

- Please tell me you didn't hear that.

- You are such a jerk.

- No, I'm, no, that's not me.

He was just joking, I swear.

- Right. - I swear.

(Suzy laughing) ♪ I'm just a lonely man ♪

(romantic music)

(Roy grunting)

(hand knocking) - Daddy?

Daddy, are you okay?

(water splashing)

Daddy!

(lotion squirting) Daddy!

- Yeah!

- Daddy, are you okay?

- Yeah, muffin, I'm fine.

You go have fun. (lotion squirting)

- Okay.

(hand knocking) - Darren.

- Hey, what's up buddy? - What's going on, man?

- Oh, nothing much, what have you been up to?

- Hey, remember that girl Suzy I was telling me about?

You know, that girl

with the eye thing? - Suzy?

Eye thing? - Yeah, you know,

she's got one eye going this way,

and one eye going that way.

- Oh, yeah. - We've been hangin' out.

I'm so digging her. (Brad barking)

- What, Jesus!

- You a chihuahua?

Relax.

- What's up? - How you guys doing?

- Good, man.

What's up, Brad? - I need you tonight

to fill in, uh, hold on a second.

Yo, Raymond!

- Hi! - Yo, what's up, kid?

Yo, I'll meet you in the bar, later.

All right? - Holla!

- Don't be doing that shit in public, dog.

(laughing) Get out!

I'm so sick of this.

Uh, so I need you to DJ tonight.

- DJ, why, what happened?

- Robin got sick.

- Oh, was he chowing the conch?

- Yeah, how'd you know?

- Oh, I hear everyone's been eating the conch fritter

has been spraying the shitter.

- That's a beautiful image.

- I knew you'd like that.

- [Brad] Why do you have to talk like that?

- Dude, come on.

- Um, short, blonde hair? - Yeah.

- Little guy - Yeah.

- He's a homo.

- No, he's not.

Oh, I know what you're thinking, but no,

they were just kidding.

No, no, no, no, no.

(both groaning)

(Rebecca laughing)

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What about, uh, what about lazy-eye Suzy?

- Forget about it.

She sneezed this morning.

She looked like a friggin' slot machine.

- What the hell did you say to her?

- Jackpot!

(all laughing)

- Hi.

- Don't you think it's a little late for a bikini?

- You know, I think somebody

needs to pull the stick outta this kid's ass.

- Hey, hey, hey, why don't you mind your own business?

- Are you fuckin' kiddin' me, dude?

Listen, man, I take shits bigger than you.

- Yeah, you know what?

Your shit may be big, but at least his--

- Everything okay?

- Oh, we're fine.

Come on, let's go eat.

Come on!

- [Darren] Let's go.

(shot glasses clacking)

(Rebecca laughing)

- Okay, sometimes, I like to get all, like, submissive,

you know, and let him get,

like, really, like, rough with me.

And then we'd change roles, you know?

This one time, I hit him so hard,

my little baby started tearing.

Do you remember that?

Because it happened. - I banged my nose.

(Rebecca laughing) - Ooh.

- But, you know, he wasn't always like this.

When we first started having sex, he was, um.

- Rebecca. - Stop it, honey.

Everyone wants to hear?

We first started, he was really excited, you know?

He was all like, push, push (chuckling),

and that was it, he was done.

But we practiced, didn't we?

So now, he's up to push, push, push.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Am I embarrassing you?

- No, not at all.

- Because, you know, in reality, Darren,

Darren is a very good lover.

- Oh, thank you.

- You just have to tell him

to think about baseball (laughing).

Do the French do that too?

- Oh, yes, all the time.

- I think about skiing, schussing.

- Sex is overrated.

- [RJ] Would you say that's true, Ms. Callahan?

Ms. Callahan, you think that's true?

- Well, I think that there's a lot to learn here.

- You just need the right teacher.

- Even with the right teacher,

you can't teach a new dog old tricks.

- I thought it was teach an old dog new tricks.

- [Brad] Actually, in this context, I think she's right.

- [RJ] You know, Jean Luc, you are the king.

You got all the moves, bud.

- 20 years in the business, you learn a few tricks.

- Yeah, a couple weekends in our neighborhood,

you learn a couple tricks too, cheers!

- Okay, cheers! - Everyone, cheers!

- Cheers. - Darren, we should get ready

for the show.

It was nice dining with you.

I feel bonded.

- Yes, I'll make a couple of phone calls.

- RJ, you asshole!

- Must have been the fish.

(whimsical music)

HK

(toilet flushing)

- [Darren] Rebecca?

- It's open!

(Roy farting)

(sighing) Man.

- [Darren] Mr. Callahan?

- I'm not, what did they put my lunch?

- I think you had the conch.

- I had four bowls.

I haven't left the toilet.

- Um, do you know where Rebecca's at?

- Sit down, I need to talk to you.

- Okay.

Um, Mr. Callahan, I really want to tell you the truth

about what happened behind everything.

- What do you think I weigh?

- What do I think you weigh?

- What about you?

What do you weigh?

- I don't understand.

- You need to stop stuffing your face, Darren.

- I'm not stuffing my face.

- Women are like food.

You want to try something different all the time.

And if you like to eat, you're gonna eat and eat.

Then you blow up to 300 pounds.

Then, you try going on a diet.

You try getting back to normal.

It's gonna be hard.

But if you don't get too fat,

if you know when to stop, it's much easier,

'cause now you only have to lose 10, 20 pounds,

instead of half a ton.

I know my daughter's a pain in the ass, like my wife.

They make you want to eat someplace else, right?

Don't get fat, Darren.

I like you normal.

It's good to be married.

It's fun!

(hand slapping)

(Roy farting)

♪ Kiss my acka-back ♪

♪ Of my solar crack ♪

♪ Of my B-U-T, my booty hole ♪

♪ Yo ma, yo pop ♪

♪ Your greasy granny got a hole in her panties ♪

♪ Got a big behind like Frankenstein ♪

♪ She walk down the street ♪

♪ Saying beep, beep, beep down Sesame Street ♪

- What's up, La Rozza?

(audience cheering)

We present to you the La Rozza Boys.

Hit it!

(lively music)

♪ Check it out, girl ♪

♪ Look at me, I'm a rhythm machine ♪

♪ Shakin' my stuff, hot ♪

(chairs clattering)

♪ Movin' the feet ♪

♪ Melt from my heat ♪

♪ See, the smoke is rising high ♪

(audience cheering)

♪ Stick with me, I'm a dancing machine ♪

♪ Style as wild as shines ♪

(audience cheering)

♪ Crashing blue times, I'm down with the people ♪

♪ My blood is racing ♪

♪ You're looking so fine ♪

♪ Bloodshot, girl, go and check it ♪

♪ I'm a looker ♪

♪ Let's touch the sky ♪

♪ Dance, dance, sister ♪

- Okay, can I ass you somethin'?

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Ooh, nah, nah ♪

♪ Dance, dance, sister, do the dance ♪

♪ Come on down and dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Oh, my ♪

(women cheering)

- This place crazy or what?

- Hmm? - You know,

people come here, and we're all trying to hook up,

and everyone's screwing everybody, you know?

It's not normal.

It's not like back home where, you know,

men are free with their bodies,

and women are free with their emotions, you know?

You know what I'm saying?

- Hmm?

Oh, yes, yes.

Did you see what they just did?

- I got this for you. - Oh, thanks.

(upbeat dance music)

- Where you going?

- I'm going to my room.

- Dance with me.

Why? - No!

- I've been waiting all night for you.

What's the matter?

(energetic music)

(singer singing in foreign language)

- You know, stick it in, pull it out, shake it all about.

It's like everyone here is doing the hokey pokey.

They get together, have a few laughs,

get a snack, and that's it.

It's not normal.

You follow me?

Are you following me?

- You're such a dork.

- Hey, you know my grandma always said,

if you take the flower,

throw it behind your back, make a wish,

dreams will come true.

What'd you wish for?

- I'm not telling.

(energetic music continues)

- You having a good time?

- Roy. - Rebecca, come on!

- No.

Dad! - Roy, wait a minute!

(record scratching)

♪ Mix it up, big brother ♪

♪ Do the funky, funky beat ♪

- Darren?

Can we talk about this or what?

- Can we please just stop this?

I mean, look, I'm not kidding myself anymore.

I don't think you should either.

- Okay.

So you're saying that you just,

you just want to end it then?

Is that it?

- What I'm saying is,

go have a good time, all right?

Go enjoy yourself.

♪ Mix it up ♪

♪ Mix it up ♪ - Okay.

♪ Mix it up ♪

♪ Mix it up, big brother ♪

- Isabelle.

I'd say that was a moment back there.

- Why did you play that?

- Why do you hide it?

- Because Jean Luc does not like this kind of music

for the disco.

- I'm leaving tomorrow.

I think you should leave too.

You're just afraid.

- [Isabelle] No.

- You are, Isabelle.

You're afraid of eating with who you want,

of singing with who you want,

of being with who you want.

Wait, do you have any idea how hard it is

for me to talk to you

because of this language barrier thing?

I mean, if I say something to you and you don't understand,

then I want to make you understand.

You have a beautiful voice.

I just think you're wasting your talent by staying here.

That's all I'm trying to say.

But every time I try to,

you run away before I get a chance to say.

(Darren sighing) (somber music)

- Better luck next time. - Bitch!

I hate this place.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ This is for you ♪

♪ This is all ♪ ♪ I think you're beautiful ♪

- [Batman] Let's go!

Come on, hurry up!

I got the ship.

♪ I want to grab and hold you ♪

♪ I want to die for you ♪

- Hey, Darren. - Schmitty?

- Where is she? - What are you doing here?

- Where is she? - Who?

- Who? Rebecca.

- I don't know, and I don't take a shit.

- Yeah?

(Schmitty spiting)

- Hey-- - Leave me alone!

- Have fun. - You too.

Never met anyone quite like you.

Whenever you're back, I'll call you, all right?

- I'd like that.

- Our memories.

- Hey, RJ. (RJ laughing)

RJ! - Hey, Darren.

- You kidding me? - Did you see Schmitty?

Guy looks like a clown, huh? - What are you doing?

- I'm staying, man.

- RJ, if you stay here,

they're gonna keep you the entire week.

- I know, I know.

- I think you've lost your mind.

- No, no, no. - Go get dressed.

- No, no, I'm on a roll, Darren.

Can't you see?

I'm livin' it.

- What are you living? - No, it's--

- You're wearing a yellow dress,

and we're supposed to be gone in two minutes.

Let's go.

- It's not a bad life, Darren.

Three meals a day, clothes on my back.

- There he is.

Go talk to him.

Don't get me started.

Go talk to him. - Okay, okay, Dad.

(light music)

Darren, hi.

- Hi.

- I'm leaving, so.

I'm really sorry, Darren.

You know, I love you.

But I'm just not in love with you, know what I mean?

I just don't know if anyone's

ever going to love me like you did.

Schmitty!

(Rebecca laughing)

Schmitty, what are you doing?

- Darren, sorry there was no one here for you.

Maybe next time.

- Yeah.

- You'll be back.

Where are you going?

- Isabelle, where are you going?

- I don't know.

I thought I wanted to be here. - Isabelle.

- And then I just--

- Isabelle, it doesn't matter.

All that matters is that no matter where you're at

in the world, you can, I mean,

no matter where you go (chuckling), I think, I, um.

- Wherever you go, there you are?

- Yeah.

- Okay, room for one more?

Very small, I could fit in a compartment.

- You're not leaving.

- What, what?

No, don't say leaving.

Leaving?

Just think of me as a leaf fluttering away.

And you've been a wonderful tree,

like a redwood. - Bye!

- [Passenger] Bye, all you bad actors!

(energetic music)

(water splashing)

- Thank goodness.

Never had it in him, anyway.

- Now I think we've made a serious vocational error.

- He's a fuckin' moron.

- Batman, Batman, let's go to an island, we can work there.

It'll be fun.

You bloody wanker.

- What are you talking about?

This was your idea.

- [Darren] Looking back, I have to say,

it was a pretty fun time.

And I've learned a lot.

Like, if you're gonna go away on a vacation

with your best friend,

don't let the hotel put you in the honeymoon suite.

And also, if you happen to find yourself walking on a ledge

in some bushes,

make sure there's no one below you suntanning naked.

- Husband and wife.

("Wedding March")

(attendees cheering)

- [Darren] But most importantly,

I learned that even though life

doesn't always go according to plan,

things usually work out for the best.

And it could be with someone you least expected.

- You were so worried.

I told you we'd be here on time.

- I know, you're always on time.

So, what'd you think of this?

- A beautiful wedding. - Beautiful.

And I love the color schemes.

I would love these colors at my wedding.

- Hawaii?

- Ooh, you look.

Okay.

- And for Isabelle and me,

even though things didn't work out,

my life today couldn't be better.

Come here, Ash, come here.

Let me see her, let me just hold her really quick.

- Oh, just wait. - Just hold her hand.

- Okay, wait, hold on, sweetie.

- Oh, you always hold her.

Just, let me, just-- - Wait, wait.

(both gasping)

(upbeat music)

♪ I'm sick of paying all my bills ♪

♪ It's getting on my nerves ♪

♪ I'm sick of wasting all my skills ♪

- That's a wrap.

♪ It's not what I deserve ♪

♪ I'm sick of watching all the morons ♪

♪ Slowly lose control ♪

- [Cameraperson] Have a shot, shot!

- It's too hot, man. - Yeah!

- [Cameraperson] I think that needs,

she needs some sun.

- Let's go, you run. - What's up?

You got me in this bitch.

She don't know what's going on.

She's a 220 on a bad day.

Come on.

(whistle shrilling)

♪ Who cares ♪

♪ I want that to try and win my heart ♪

- Oh yes. - Get that, baby.

- Yes. ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ That's what I want to be ♪

♪ That what's easy ♪

♪ I want to be getting down ♪

(all cheering)

♪ I wish that I could turn back time ♪

♪ Back time ♪

♪ Do a little rewind ♪

♪ Back to what time when I was nine ♪

♪ When love was not unkind ♪

♪ Back to a time where I could be ♪

♪ Anything I want to be ♪

- Sean! - Hey, say I'm famous!

- I'm famous! - I'm famous!

- I'm gonna be in a movie!

- [Cameraman] Oh, right on, a couple of blonde chicks.

You have to want to get involved.

What is your name, darling?

- Whoa! - Smile at the camera.

- Got it, baby! - Whoo!

♪ I want to be kicking love with eyes ♪

♪ Who cares ♪

♪ I want to to try and win my heart this way ♪

- Whoo, whoo! - Watch him taste all.

- Thank you! - You just want.

♪ That's when it's easy ♪

- Go extra, go beyond in the year 2011.

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ There's no room for you and me anymore ♪

♪ The supermarket filled up all that my brain can store ♪

♪ Old experiment inside a new machine ♪

♪ Take my soul, even though it isn't clean ♪

♪ It's the way I don't know ♪

♪ It's the way I don't know, know ♪

♪ There's no way I don't know ♪

- [Cameraman] Tell me something, my dear.

♪ It's the way I don't know, know ♪

♪ Wait, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

- Come on. - Turn 'em up!

♪ Do you, whoa ♪

♪ Everyone is asking me ♪

♪ Asking me if you are my lady ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Don't you know, you're just a simply the face to see ♪

♪ You are certainly my baby, all right ♪

♪ Everyone, am I lookin' ♪

♪ Am I choppin' ♪

♪ In my clean set ♪

♪ I might be shavin' ♪

♪ But my heart must belong to you and only you ♪

♪ That felt me the most crazy ♪

♪ And so I said, my season, darling ♪

♪ Your one and only ♪

♪ I love you, my sweet darling ♪

♪ My sugar only ♪

♪ My one and only ♪

♪ Yes, I love you ♪

♪ And every woman in time and in my warmth ♪

♪ In my tone, in my feelings ♪

♪ I can change things ♪

(waves crashing)

- [Director] And that's a wrap.

- That's a wrap.

Perfect. - Right on, dude.

- [Director] That is the fuckin'.

Oh, you're still recording.

Did you hit the button? - I did hit the button.

- [Director] You probably hit the button,

didn't catch any of that.