Original subtitles

[Camille] Last season on "Harlem."

- Ian was at the club. - [Tye] Four years later

and that nigga still has a hold on you.

Camille, I'm engaged.

You would be lonely without me here.

I promise we will still be besties

even if you do get a job.

So what we doing?

It's "Get Out: The Musical."

[all] ♪ Scrape, click, scrape, click ♪

Dr. Pruitt from Yale?

Um, I'm one of the adjunct professors, Camille Parks.

Can I call you back?

- [man] That's fine, Dr. Pruitt,

- I'll talk to you later. - Sorry.

I'm fine. [groans]

Tye!

You have several medium and large fibroids

and a polyp on your uterine lining.

[Dr. Pruitt] One of my panelists is Jameson...

[Camille] Royce, the... the social justice guy.

So you wanna fuck a woman?

I am not comfortable calling it

anything other than curiosity right now.

I will not endorse you for this job.

[Camille] It's over. Officially, Dr. Pruitt

hired someone for the associate position.

[Jameson] You know, you could come with me

to University of Chicago.

"Enclosed is a cease and desist letter.

The show must not go on, ever."

[Tye] This is Brandon Jones,

my husband.

Will you go on a date with me?

She said yes!

I quit. I'm out of here.

[slurring] See you never, Dr. Pruitt.

- Whew! - Oh, shit!

I've waited for weeks

for you to sign the divorce papers.

It's obvious you want money.

You think this is about money?

Well, fine.

It's about money then.

You said you loved me.

I love you too, Ian.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Welcome back, everybody.

♪ ♪

Now, where were we?

♪ ♪

The anthropology of time.

Hinduism and some Eastern cultures

see time as a circle,

with patterns and events, even lives repeating.

So if time is circular and patterns repeat,

but then can't we break them?

By making different choices, can we rewrite history?

[dreamy music]

♪ ♪

[Mira] Oh, no.

This is so bad.

Hey.

Ian, close your eyes!

The...it's bad luck to see the dress

before tomorrow.

OK. Yeah, OK.

Oh, Mira.

Hey, look, it's... it's, uh, Mira.

I'm... I'm here because, um, I, uh, I was with Quinn.

She's dropping off your dress, as you know,

that you're already holding.

Quinn did a beautiful job. It's all a dream come true.

Am I really doing this?

What?

Am I pretending I didn't see you kiss...

Again.

[chuckles nervously]

- Kiss? We... - Don't.

When I saw you two kiss at that wretched Titanic party,

I thought it was a moment. It was the part.

It was... I don't know.

I guess this is what I deserve

for not saying something.

Moving across the Atlantic for the man I love,

something, I may add, Camille wouldn't do for you.

Don't bring her up right now.

I'm the one you're mad at.

Um, no, not true.

I would say pretty equal.

Just... I have to understand.

Why would you cheat on me for someone

who didn't think enough of you and your dreams

to stick by your side?

You told me Camille was a flake

you could never trust again

because she could only think of herself.

- You said that? - He was obviously right.

Who shows up the night before a wedding

to kiss the fucking groom?

A groom, by the way, you dumped the same day

you were supposed to move to Paris together.

Camille, your selfish destructive timing is nothing

if not perversely consistent.

I am confident she will do it again

and flake out and hurt you.

I only hope it's even half as humiliating for you, Ian,

as this is for me.

What do we do?

I'm sorry about this, Camille.

No, I can't believe I was this naive

to think this could be

some sweet, happily ever after.

I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Wait, let me just... let me just...

No, no, no.

I meant what I said.

I love you, Ian.

But to stay here right now,

in this moment, it just...

it feels cruel.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Fuck!

Oh, my God,

biggest news ever!

Bet I could top it.

Oh, my gosh, so...

super connected Mira

loved my design so much

that she got her best friend

who is, of course,

an editor at "Vogue"

to agree to do...

[imitates drumroll]

73 questions with me

as an up-and-coming designer!

Oh, my God, like, SJP did that, you know?

Like, Lizzo did that, you know what I'm saying?

Aren't I, like, the perfect cross

between SJP and Lizzo?

[laughs] Oh, my gosh,

my first night as queer

has been motherfucking awesome!

Oh, no. No, no, no, wait.

Are those happy tears or sad tears?

Um, both? [chuckles weakly]

Oh, no, no, no.

Eric! Open up.

What?

What you mean "what"?

Your girl comes bearing Plan B

and Haagen-Dazs for after

and a can of drugstore wine for after that.

It's been a bad night.

And I'm not in the mood for sex, carbs,

or shitty wine.

I get it. I get it.

I'm just as upset about Jordan Peele

ending "Get Out" as you are.

But only one of us wrote the letters

that got my big break canceled.

Nigga, and that's it?

Not even friends?

Friends?

Hmm?

Always.

But you know,

the current state of my bank account

for which you are responsible

prevents me from getting an erection.

Could be just a cold weather thing anyway.

I get it. That was fun.

Oh, thanks for the keys.

[♪ Ayzha Nyree: "Woke Up Like This"]

♪ I woke up in the morning type lit ♪

♪ Ooh, big Benny still crisp ♪

♪ I, I, I woke up in the morning like this ♪

♪ I woke up feeling a vibe, it's a blessing ♪

♪ Last night was a movie in the Hamptons ♪

♪ Mm, we was chillin' in a mansion ♪

♪ Big dripper came out, startin' spazzin' ♪

♪ Ooh, money stretch like gymnastics ♪

♪ You talkin' to the boss, who askin'? ♪

♪ Ooh, family rich, we stackin' ♪

♪ And they gon' scream when they see the new Jacksons ♪

♪ I woke up in the morning like this ♪

♪ I woke up in the morning type lit ♪

♪ Ooh, big Benny still crisp ♪

♪ I woke up in the morning like this ♪

♪ I, I, I woke up in the morning like this ♪

♪ I woke up in the morning type lit ♪

♪ Ooh, big Benny still crisp ♪

♪ I woke up in the morning like this ♪

♪ This, this, this, this, this, this ♪

♪ In the morning like this, this, this, this, this ♪

♪ Woke up like this, this, this, this, this ♪

♪ In the morning like this, this, this, this, this ♪

♪ Woke up like this, this, this, this, this ♪

♪ In the morning like this, this, this, this, this ♪

♪ In the morning like ♪♪

Sis, your hair is giving me

- Eve in her prime. - Ooh.

- You look good. - Thank you.

I did it by myself in my bathroom.

Ooh, y'all want to know what I did

in the bathroom by myself?

Nope.

No word from Ian?

No, still no word from Ian.

But you should have seen Mira's face.

It was a mix of heartbreaking tears and murderous rage.

I know that look.

And I will never again fuck up Quinn's DVR

the night of "The Bachelorette" finale.

- Still not forgiven. - It was three seasons ago.

Listen, that's the look that Brandon gave me, too.

Saying all this shit like, I'm all about money

and I don't have any real connections

or love in my life.

Crazy, right? [chuckles]

- Is that good? - Delicious.

Um, hello?

Now is the part where you disagree.

- Oh, right. - Fuck that.

[all speaking at once]

I just stupidly didn't think about

how much pain I'd be causing.

Or how much pain we'd both be in.

Blowing up my life seemed like so much more fun

than the misery it actually was.

I know that feeling.

And heads up, girls,

if Vin Diesel ever offers to kiss you, pass.

- Just a hard pass, OK? - Angie, Angie.

Can you at least pretend like you care about

what's actually happening here?

That's exactly what I said to Vin.

OK, I am sorry.

I'm wallowing in my own shit, too.

My big break broke.

I'm back at square one, no job, no man, no money.

You know what?

I was going for my run this morning.

I couldn't stop replaying

all the shit I caused last night.

Y'all catch that

"I went for a run this morning" back door brag?

I caught it.

But does that mean that you regret

kissing Ian last night?

No.

No, I just don't want Ian and I to start again

under the shadow of all this chaos, you know?

I can't even imagine how upset his parents are with me.

- Did I quit my job last night? - What?

Wait, Quinn, you told me to quit my job last night.

How much did y'all have to drink?

Why are you giving out career advice?

I can fix this.

All you need...

is a takesy-backsy.

A takesy-backsy, you know, like when you're a kid

and you say a bad word and you get a takesy-backsy,

three takesy-backsies a month.

Was this just in my house?

Let our collective blank stares be your answer.

No, Quinn's right.

I need a takey-backy.

A takesy-backsy.

No, I'm gonna call Dr. Pruitt

and beg her for my job back

so that I can eat and pay rent.

And then I'm gonna apologize to Ian's parents

for the role that I played in ruining a day

that I'm sure cost them a fortune.

And then I'm gonna get Mira to forgive me.

My gosh, hearing all this just makes me want a Xanax.

Mm! I got you, Quinn.

But only take half.

It's a Swedish version of a Xanax.

I got it from a "Get Out" stage hand.

They are very intense though.

I took a whole one and I lost two days.

Mm, tempting, but no.

A quitter never wins.

For when my lawyer gets ahold of Brandon

and tells me how much he wants.

I guess I'll take one too for when I come clean with Jameson

and he goes all Mira on me.

Are you sure you want to end it with Jameson

before things are settled with Ian?

I know, I know that happily ever after

is momentarily on pause.

But it's just not fair to Jameson, you know,

when I know that I still feel it all for Ian.

But Jameson is going back to Chicago soon.

Can't you just wait?

He's gone. There's a slow fade.

Blame it on the distance.

No.

Maybe. Is that wrong?

Girl, your karma is so fucked already,

you might as well take the easy road.

OK, you know what?

What is the opposite of a pep talk?

Because that is what's happening right here.

You can't take career advice from an heiress.

I am not an Aries.

[all] Heiress!

So what is everyone getting into next?

Why? Don't you have like hella wrongs to make right?

Pruitt hasn't written me back yet.

And if I don't see her, then I have to go

to Jameson or Ian's family. I'm not ready.

Well, I was gonna get a mani-pedi before my date.

- Ooh, that works for me. - Ooh.

Silver dress, it's been so long

since I've seen my type.

Bat shit crazy is my demo.

For $5,

I will tell you your future.

And for free,

I will tell you that your future does not include my $5.

You will make love to the most beautiful man

in New York and then

your curse of bad luck will be lifted.

Well, he got the part about my bad luck right.

- Can we go? - Oh, the walk sign is on.

Thank you. Reclaiming my time.

♪ ♪

Look, everything happens for a reason.

And for what it's worth, I am grateful

that last night happened.

I mean, thanks to you, Camille,

I'm officially going on my first lady LGBTQ+ date.

Don't call it that.

So what are the big plans with Isabella?

I got a private room at Cecil for just the two of us.

Then I am flying in

"Top Chef" winner Melissa King

- to cook for us. - Subtle.

You gon' bust it open in the VIP?

Oh, I am not busting anything open.

Or am I? Should I?

[man] Hello.

[upbeat music]

♪ Go ahead and buss it, buss it, buss it, buss it ♪

♪ Buss it, buss it, buss it, go ahead and buss it ♪

- Would you like a foot and... - Yes.

Leg massage?

Mm-hmm.

- I got you. - Well, get me, then.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

Oh, you can go harder.

I like it deep.

I can do that.

♪ ♪

Guys, what if I don't know what to do sexually

with Isabella?

Just make it sexy.

You knew what to do the first time

you were with a guy.

Yeah, but I don't think I was very good at it.

Quinn, don't say that.

No, I mean, like, he literally said,

"Please just stop. You're not very good at this."

Oh, yeah, that doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room

for interpretation.

Just do what you do when you masturbate,

except on her.

- Exactly the same? - Yeah, girl.

So make Isabella watch Shemar Moore

in old "Criminal Minds" episodes?

What?

Girl, he is so hot and so smart.

Uh, yeah, until he did those fuzzy braids

in that Tyler Perry movie.

Oh, shit, since I'm with a woman now,

does that mean that I'm still allowed to like Shemar?

Isabella is definitely not gonna like him,

unless she does.

And I mean do I...

do I touch her boobs or...

Maybe you won't be good at this.

Uh, Angie, help your girl...

[bell chimes] Angie?

What the fuck?

You got the fuck part right.

- Did y'all even see her leave? - [Quinn] Uh-uh.

Oh, no.

She is a national treasure.

I don't even want to know

what she is photographing now.

It's Dr. Pruitt.

OK. "I Have ten minutes at 2:00 p.m.

Regrettably, you know where I live."

OK, that's OK, because that,

that is my cue to go get my job back.

- Yes. - Ooh.

Cleavage. - Yes.

I gotta change.

I should change. I'm gonna change.

You are a strong Black woman

that is in control of her destiny!

Wish me luck with Isabella!

You know what?

Since this is your first time with a lady,

you can use some of my expertise.

Tye to the rescue.

Oh, my gosh, like a stunt double,

like you're gonna come in the bed and like,

do all the tricky stuff?

No, you freak.

Sex toys.

I have the perfect shop downtown.

A sex toy shop?

Like now?

Girl, I just got a fresh blow out.

[funky upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[notification chimes]

♪ ♪

What do you want?

Funny story.

So, um, you know when you're a kid

and.. and... and... and you make a mistake

and you want a takesy-backsy?

Are you still drunk from last night

or are you drunk from this morning?

No, no, no, no, neither. I, um...

I would like to retract my resignation.

Well, I'm gonna have to think about that.

You know, a lot was said.

I know.

But, um, as you mentioned,

I had been drinking and it was a mistake.

Let's be clear about this.

Your behavior was unacceptable.

If you had done that to anyone else,

your career would be over.

So next time you come to me

talking 'bout, "You don't have my back,"

you think about today.

Because if I let you keep your job,

it's because I do have your back.

And I understand. And it means a lot.

And one more thing,

please don't come here ever again

without an invitation.

And I must tell you, it's gonna be a while

before you get one from me.

Right. Uh, that's... that's fair.

- OK. - Thank you.

Nice to see you.

Just so you know, I don't really drink like that.

It's close to never. Last night was...

I'm good.

I am good.

I'm overwhelmed.

Oh, God, what the hell is this even for?

It's a light fixture, I hope.

Oh, my God.

Wait.

[laughs] Now these are adorable.

That's not where those go.

Oh, my God, I finally found someone

that I feel great about.

And now I'm gonna scare her off

because I'm gonna be terrible in bed.

And I don't even know where those earrings go.

Quinn, stop.

Don't decide you're gonna ruin this

before it even starts.

Sorry, habit, based on history.

History doesn't have to repeat itself.

You are amazing.

Isabella is the lucky one.

I guess.

Listen, sex is beautiful.

Sex is good for the soul.

It's freedom.

Let go of your hang-ups.

This is a candy store for your lady parts.

The point of sex is fun.

No, you're right. You're right.

The point of sex is fun.

Too much fun.

See? I'm nice.

I'm supportive.

I can connect.

Fuck Brandon.

What he said was bullshit.

But it's obviously still bothering you.

What's bothering me is that none of you disagreed.

We did, mostly.

Oh, come on, Tye, it's just that you don't have

the most consistent love life.

I know.

But bitches be crazy.

OK, bitches be crazy.

But if I can be a little bit more Tye about sex,

maybe you could be a little bit more Quinn

about connecting.

It doesn't mean that you have to jump into

an instant relationship.

But honestly, caring for someone isn't the worst thing.

What are you so scared of, Tye?

Oh, this is my shit.

Your partner controls the speed from an app.

I guess this is a change of topic.

But a heads up, it does require 16 AA batteries.

So be sure to preload.

Did you find what you were looking for?

And so very many things I wasn't.

OK. That'll be $4,222.

Being gay is expensive.

[exhales] Man.

You know I saved myself for you.

Ain't no virgin pulling all of that off.

[laughs]

Oh, thanks, boo.

What I mean is, I was told by a psychic...

well, sort of psychic... that I would have sex

with the most handsome man in New York

and amazing things would come my way from there on out.

Damn, you saying you waited all this time

and I'm the most handsome man?

Uh-huh.

Damn, I'm honored.

Hold on, about how long ago was this prediction?

A year or so, so many years.

So then if we were to do it again,

could it double your luck?

Oh, the way that life has been smacking my ass,

I could go for a triple.

Well.

Pretty sure I can do something about that.

Oh, this is gonna be a good year.

Oh, yes!

Give me all that luck. [clattering]

Luck me! Luck me hard!

Thank you for making me the luckiest girl in New York.

[chuckles]

♪ I like him, like him too ♪

♪ He my man, he my boo ♪

♪ He my type, he's so cute ♪

♪ I want him and I want him too ♪

♪ I like him, like him too ♪

♪ He my man, he my boo ♪

♪ He my type ♪♪

Where are my manners?

And who might this be?

This my roommate, Jaquan.

Yep, I'm Jaquan.

Hello, Jaquan.

I'm Angie.

You know, I was just telling Kendrick earlier

about my twin sister.

You were?

Yes, remember, in the taxi?

[exclaims]

You need to listen to women more.

Anyway, I have an awesome twin sister.

And I know she would love to meet you.

I mean, is she anything like you?

From I've been hearing the last few hours,

it sounds like you like to have a good time.

- It's true. - Don't be creepy, Jaquan.

- Jaquan's not creepy. - He's not.

And he is gonna love my equally not creepy twin sister.

Put them digits in.

Did I mention that we are identical?

[doorbell rings]

Oh, shit, look at the plot twist.

Hi, Aunt Tammy.

You owe me for this dress.

I paid full price for this shit

and you got the damn wedding canceled.

Yeah, understood.

But it looks great. And besides,

I thought only the bride was supposed to wear white, right?

Oh, and I thought it was only supposed to be

the bride kissing on the groom.

So whose faux pas is bigger, darling?

Is, um... is Ian's mom here?

She is. She's actually inside

trying to figure out what to do

with 100 pounds of jumbo shrimp,

a ten-tier wedding cake,

and 300 disgruntled guests from down south.

So you better come back a little later, baby.

Oh, no, I... I... I think it's OK.

I... I called so she was expecting me.

I just, I want to apologize and explain.

Yeah, and you can explain to me

why you're leaving that fine tall brother

for my little troll of a nephew

who you literally kicked to the curb.

Remember, you left him on the curb?

I mean, technically. I mean, he did drive away.

Yeah, it's always a cute little excuse with you.

Camille, you in danger, girl.

Everybody, the home wrecker's here to apologize.

♪ I think that it's time we define what is real ♪

♪ ♪

You got just a handful of friends

that nobody even knows to call when you got an emergency.

♪ ♪

♪ I won't be runnin' no more ♪

♪ I won't be runnin' no...

♪ ♪

[woman] Hey.

That's the look of someone who wants a dog.

Actually, it's the look of someone killing time

while waiting for her prescription

to be done across the street.

I love how that one doesn't give a shit.

Yeah, she's a Shar Pei.

They're a fairly aloof breed, tend to keep to themselves.

I like that.

[phone ringing]

Hey.

Tell me a puppy is a bad idea.

[Camille] Uh, someone's afternoon took a turn.

I'm not saying that what Brandon said was right,

but if I want to be more connected,

could a puppy be like relationship training wheels?

Well, there are tons of anthropological studies

tracing the human-dog connection

back to ancient Egypt.

I mean, there's even evidence...

Can we press pause on the lecture?

Do I get the damn dog?

I mean, it's another living thing

that you would have to take care of,

something that depends on you.

Is that in the pros or cons section?

It's like you said, relationship training wheels.

But it would be a commitment

'cause, you know, dogs can live, like, 20 years.

I mean, I am the only lesbian I know

that doesn't have, like, five rescue pit bulls

and a few old ass cats with a bunch of health problems.

OK, you better not let Quinn hear you say that

or else she'll do the same.

So how's the apology tour going?

[sighs] OK.

You know, I unquit with Pruitt

and she said that she'd think about it instead of "hell no."

And Ian's mom confessed that she had hoped all along

that we would end up together.

She just wished that I had did it

before all the relatives flew in.

So the two of you are cool?

Yeah, it's like I almost fixed

all the shit from last night.

[Mira] Almost.

Let... let me call you back.

I was just coming to get my stuff

from the house I thought I'd be living in.

Here you are again.

I'm so sorry.

This is so not fair to you.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

Oh, how was it supposed to happen?

Ian and I got married

and you two kept sneaking around?

No, no.

I'm sorry.

Well, so we are clear, apology is not accepted.

You stole my man, you took away my life.

But the least you could do is own it.

These were your choices, Camille.

You can't unmake them.

You got what you wanted.

So be a woman, own it.

And in the meantime, you could do me one favor.

Yes, anything.

Fuck off.

What's the point of you, dog?

Do you do anything fun?

Hi.

OK, just a little creepy. [chuckles softly]

What if I'm not enough?

Hmm?

Probably gonna flake out on you anyway.

[puppy whines]

Oh.

Oh, I can't.

Sorry.

Oh, it looked like you two were really bonding over there.

Nah.

Turns out I'm not the bonding type.

Dr. Pruitt.

Hi. Again.

Didn't I say to you that

I needed time to decide if it made sense

for you to stay at Columbia?

I know, I know,

and I am here to own my decision.

Look, I've got dinner on the stove.

Oh, thank you, but I'm not hungry.

I wasn't inviting you to stay.

Right.

Um, so there was a reason why I quit.

In my career, I know what I want

and I know what I deserve and you made it

very clear that that is not at Columbia.

And so I... I, you know, I understand that.

Sort of, maybe, I don't know.

I mean, I guess I didn't make a great

first impression on you.

None of the impressions you made on me

were good, but go ahead.

So I need to be an adult

and acknowledge what I need.

I'm gonna fulfill my contractual commitment

and teach throughout the summer session.

And then after that, I must go.

I requit.

That's actually fair.

I might go as far as saying...

I respect you for doing this.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

That dinner, it smells really good.

Yeah. None for you.

Bye.

[soft upbeat music]

I can't believe you flew in Melissa to cook for us.

Yeah, well, I was really hoping you'd like it.

So this is your place?

Yeah, this is my place.

It looks like you.

Thank you.

Well, this is the living room and that's the kitchen.

And here's the window.

This is where I, um,

make sure that I look outside.

This is new for me.

You're new.

Girl-on-girl is new.

And I just don't want to mess it...

Can I kiss you?

Did I just say "girl-on-girl"?

Sorry.

Yes. Kiss.

So did that make you more or less nervous?

Yes.

[♪ Amaria BB: "Slow Motion"]

♪ ♪

Come on.

Show me the rest of your place.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

♪ Slow motion, baby ♪

♪ Come rest up on me, down, go down...

Quinn, this,

this is amazing.

♪ Foot up on the dresser...

You're amazing.

♪ Just say you like the slow motion ♪

♪ You is a true freak, babe ♪

♪ Fuckin' in the bathroom, yeah ♪

♪ I wetter than the pipes, Titanic baby ♪

♪ Ah, just say you like the slow motion, baby...

Ooh, what is...

oh.

That is...

...girthy. - Too much?

We do not have to use that, actually.

Because I have more sizes, more options.

We could use this so that both of us can...

never mind. Um, oh, what about these?

You could wear them or... or I could wear them.

Ow.

Oh, um, this is kind of fun, right?

But... [sighs]

I only have 11 batteries, so maybe not.

You know what? We can use this.

But if I'm being honest, I'm not sure exactly...

[laughs]

[laughs softly]

Wait, you got this for me?

For us?

I just wanted to make it right.

Quinn.

You are what makes it right.

No one has ever told me that I make it right.

[soft music]

♪ Told you I could be the one ♪

♪ But you doin' to yourself ♪

♪ Tryna put you on a plane, you tryna put me on a shelf ♪

♪ I'll give you something ♪

♪ You won't ever find in no one else ♪

♪ You told me that you know ♪

♪ But you don't even know yourself ♪

♪ But do you wanna wait for me? ♪

♪ Why you run away from me? ♪

♪ Baby, you should stay with me ♪

♪ No, you don't know that you got it like that ♪♪

[Quinn yelps]

I am so sorry. [laughing]

I am ruining this!

- I am so sorry. - Come here.

I take the lead this time.

OK.

[soft mid-tempo music]

♪ ♪

[exhales slowly]

You must be Jaquan.

And you must be Mariah.

Reporting for duty.

Yo, I'm out.

Oh, I mean, I thought Angie was fine,

but you are way finer.

Bye, whatever your name was.

So you see anything you like?

- I mean, everything. - Mm-hmm.

Damn, I mean Kendrick's right,

you are way hotter than your twin.

Funnier, sexier.

You idiot, there is no twin.

I'm Angie.

Hold up. So you just pretending

to be your own twin?

As if we haven't all done that before.

Um, I'm not sure that we have.

Oh, you're right.

You're right, you're right,

you're right, you are right.

I know I need to stop doing shit like this.

I knew it was a dumb plan.

I gotta grow up, you know.

It's just...

it's just...

It's just if you were 10% less hot,

I would leave.

But I'm here.

And you're here.

So you want to just shut up and strip for some twin ass?

♪ Buss it wide open and I tell her bring it back ♪

Uh-huh.

♪ Buss it wide open and I tell her bring it back ♪

Now, all of this

will definitely bring me the best luck of my life.

♪ Now tell that boy keep talking ♪

♪ I'm gon' get them VVSs ♪

♪ I'm like, if I throw it back ♪

♪ Know this nigga better catch it ♪

♪ I keep 1942 and bad bitches in my session ♪

♪ They be nekkid ♪

♪ I'm gon' pop it ♪

♪ I might let you touch it ♪

♪ Just like you'll be grippin' on me...

Welcome to Everything Grows in Harlem.

But we're closing right now.

- So make it fast? - Got it.

Can I help you with anything?

Which one of these say,

"I struggle to emotionally connect with people.

"I thought baby steps would be getting a dog,

"but I need something without a heartbeat

that can thrive under my care"?

Wow, if only you could be more specific.

Got it. "$15 or less.

My ex wants all my money."

[chuckles] All right, how about one of these?

Which one is less needy?

Oh, this cactus.

It's strong, it occasionally gives flowers.

It's very self-sufficient.

And it only requires minimal watering.

The me of plants.

Perfect.

79.99 for a damn cactus?

Well, that includes the vase.

OK, it's 30% off, so that's like $55.

Cool.

30% off is the price that's marked.

No, 30% off of clearance is what the sign says.

So 30% off of the discounted price...

30% off is the clearance.

Unless this is false advertisement,

in which I will haul your ass down to court

and I'll have all these plants.

Wow. I think I'm on your ex's side.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna name you Megan,

Megan Thee Cactus.

You want some air, Megan?

We're gonna have a lot of fun to...

[shattering, grinding]

[grinding stops]

♪ ♪

That relationship lasted a whole five minutes.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

[laughter]

Ooh! Hey, girl.

We are looking to get our drink on.

Where are the fun authentic spots?

OK, no.

No.

[Camille] Oh, shit. What is he doing here?

[buzzer ringing]

And maybe neither past nor future actually matter.

Maybe the Buddhists have it right

and that no matter what happened before

or what happens next,

all that is real is what happens right now.

I just gotta do it.

I just gotta break up with him.

Yo.

Hey, I've been texting you.

Hey.

I got worried.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

So I have some news that is worth

getting overpriced drunk for.

I called my advisor at University of Chicago.

No, no, Jameson,

I told you I can't move to Chicago.

Oh, no, no, no, I know. I called for me.

And as much as I was looking forward to Skype sex,

um, I'd rather wake up to you in person.

So long story short,

I told them no.

I'm staying in New York.

Welcome to happily ever after.

Oh.

♪ Messin' with my ex ♪

♪ Getting to my head, man, I shoulda left ♪

♪ Hit you with a text, I think I failed the test ♪

♪ And then I got undressed, messin' with my ex ♪

♪ Need it in my life, I'm being so damn reckless ♪

♪ Pull somebody hotter, better cross it off the checklist ♪

♪ And now I don't know what to do, do ♪

♪ I wouldn't pick nobody over you, you ♪

♪ I promise you that other shit is through, through ♪

♪ Baby, I'm going crazy over you ♪

♪ 'Cause I done made a mess messin' with my ex ♪

♪ Getting to my head, man, I shoulda left ♪

♪ Hit you with a text, I think I failed the test ♪

♪ And then I got undressed, messin' with my ex ♪

♪ I, I done made a mess messin' with my ex ♪

♪ Getting to my head, man, I shoulda left ♪

♪ Hit you with a text, I think I failed the test ♪

♪ And then I got undressed, messin' with my ex, ex, ex ♪

♪ Need it in my life, need it in my life ♪

♪ And not like all the time, not like all the time ♪

♪ Only when I hit low, wanna get it quick mode ♪

♪ I cannot control it, tell me what I'm in for ♪

♪ I done caught a vibe, I done caught a vibe ♪

♪ And I pull up in the night, pull up in the night ♪

♪ I had other motives, I was out of focus ♪

♪ Shouldn't be together, didn't even notice ♪

♪ I done made a mess messin' with my ex ♪

♪ Getting to my head, man, I shoulda left ♪

♪ Hit you with a text...

[bold fanfare]