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1
00:00:01,350 --> 00:00:04,119
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,655 --> 00:00:10,091
Oh! Good thing I set my watch,
otherwise I would've forgot
3
00:00:10,092 --> 00:00:12,610
something very important I have
to do right at this very minute.
4
00:00:12,611 --> 00:00:13,945
Yeah, what's that, Wood?
5
00:00:15,821 --> 00:00:19,617
Did you... need to take
some medication?
6
00:00:19,618 --> 00:00:21,520
No.
7
00:00:23,005 --> 00:00:26,224
Well, uh... maybe you're
supposed to call somebody, huh?
8
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,826
No. No...
9
00:00:28,827 --> 00:00:30,095
Perhaps you had an appointment?
10
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:32,464
Maybe if I just
don't think about it,
11
00:00:32,498 --> 00:00:34,966
it'll come to me.
12
00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:36,350
I wouldn't worry about it, Wood.
13
00:00:36,351 --> 00:00:37,619
As you get older, you know,
14
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,420
the memory starts to go a bit.
15
00:00:39,421 --> 00:00:41,155
Myself, I was
thinking about maybe
16
00:00:41,156 --> 00:00:43,326
signing up for one of
those memory classes.
17
00:00:43,409 --> 00:00:45,509
That's it, my memory class!
18
00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:49,614
Today's graduation.
19
00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,103
Oh, where'd I park?
20
00:00:55,137 --> 00:00:58,139
Oh, yeah. See, it's working.
21
00:01:43,453 --> 00:01:45,203
Evening, everybody.
22
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,771
Norm!
23
00:01:46,789 --> 00:01:48,673
How's life treating you, Norm?
24
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:49,788
Well, Sammy, it's not.
25
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:51,943
So I sure hope you are.
26
00:01:51,977 --> 00:01:53,544
Where's Woody?
27
00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:55,063
Oh, his father-in-law
took him and Kelly
28
00:01:55,064 --> 00:01:56,898
to see the Boston Symphony. Ah!
29
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,099
Probably thought Woody needed
30
00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,901
a little musical culture. Yeah.
31
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:02,787
The Boston Symphony is offering
"Mahler's Third" this evening,
32
00:02:02,788 --> 00:02:04,555
one of my absolute favourites.
33
00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:08,393
It always brings salt water
to Lilith's eyes.
34
00:02:08,427 --> 00:02:10,161
Tears to you and me,
35
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:13,231
saline secretions to her.
36
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:16,218
"Mahler's Third" takes over
an hour and a half by itself.
37
00:02:16,252 --> 00:02:19,020
The adagio alone is endless.
38
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,757
I beg your pardon.
39
00:02:22,758 --> 00:02:25,077
Since when do you know anything
about classical music?
40
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,128
Since I was two years old.
41
00:02:27,162 --> 00:02:29,330
My mother was a concert cellist.
42
00:02:29,331 --> 00:02:31,900
I used to turn the pages for her
while she was practicing.
43
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:33,401
And I loathe Mahler.
44
00:02:33,402 --> 00:02:35,153
Well, it must have been
very enriching
45
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,788
to have a mother
who played the cello.
46
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:37,839
Like hell.
47
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,340
Her food tasted like rosin,
48
00:02:39,374 --> 00:02:42,610
and every time I tried to sit
on her lap, I fell through.
49
00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:48,082
Hey, Cliffie, how're you doing?
50
00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:48,984
Not well, Sam.
51
00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:50,168
Boy, am I mad!
52
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:53,037
I've never been this upset!
53
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:55,273
Boy, three words fellas,
54
00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:56,291
three words:
55
00:02:56,292 --> 00:02:58,359
Dames is grief.
56
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,413
Fighting with Ma, huh?
57
00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:03,315
Oh, and how.
58
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:04,882
It seems like that's
all we do anymore.
59
00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:06,851
You know, you'd think
it'd be a perfect set-up...
60
00:03:06,852 --> 00:03:07,986
mother and a grown son
61
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,354
living in a one
bedroom apartment.
62
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,655
But no.
63
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,159
Reality check, gentlemen.
64
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:16,303
Life is not like
the movies, I guess, huh?
65
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,781
I'm sure it'll
all blow over, Cliffie.
66
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,383
No, no way, Sammy,
not this time.
67
00:03:21,384 --> 00:03:23,185
I tell you that broad's
pushed me too hard.
68
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:24,686
Too hard, I tell you.
69
00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:26,588
It's about time
I started pushing back.
70
00:03:26,589 --> 00:03:28,756
She's just gone and created
a monster, that's all.
71
00:03:28,757 --> 00:03:30,592
But this monster is not gonna
72
00:03:30,626 --> 00:03:32,427
lie in some tomb of ice.
73
00:03:32,461 --> 00:03:34,646
No, sirree.
74
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,198
My anger will melt that ice,
so that I might rise up
75
00:03:37,199 --> 00:03:40,235
and, and crush the Tokyo
of the buildings there
76
00:03:40,269 --> 00:03:42,704
beneath the talons
of my animosity...
77
00:03:42,738 --> 00:03:44,539
Cliff, Cliff.
78
00:03:44,540 --> 00:03:46,274
We all appreciate
how hard you're working
79
00:03:46,275 --> 00:03:48,209
on this metaphor,
but we get the idea.
80
00:03:54,683 --> 00:03:57,519
What a majestic composer
that Mahler was.
81
00:03:57,553 --> 00:03:59,287
What a piece of work!
82
00:03:59,288 --> 00:04:00,922
I'll go upstairs
and see if Melville's
83
00:04:00,923 --> 00:04:03,190
- is still serving dinner.
- Say, Kelly,
84
00:04:03,225 --> 00:04:05,093
you go to a lot
of those classical...
85
00:04:05,127 --> 00:04:06,661
concert things, don't you?
86
00:04:06,695 --> 00:04:07,962
Do you really enjoy them?
87
00:04:07,996 --> 00:04:09,313
Oh, I love them, Sam.
88
00:04:09,348 --> 00:04:10,949
I just sit there and let my mind
89
00:04:10,983 --> 00:04:13,718
become a total blank.
90
00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,686
How, how do you do that?
91
00:04:15,721 --> 00:04:17,772
How do I do what?
92
00:04:20,025 --> 00:04:21,993
You have a nice dinner, Kelly.
93
00:04:23,879 --> 00:04:26,229
Why don't you order
some protein, sweetheart.
94
00:04:27,299 --> 00:04:30,134
That opening piece,
that gorgeous
95
00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:33,170
Dvorjak cello concerto in, uh...
96
00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:34,772
What was it? B Minor.
97
00:04:34,807 --> 00:04:37,608
Yes, I thought that was...
98
00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:39,544
Why, Miss Howe.
99
00:04:39,578 --> 00:04:41,545
I'm flabbergasted.
100
00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:42,863
B Minor's correct.
101
00:04:42,898 --> 00:04:44,332
Believe me, I know.
102
00:04:44,366 --> 00:04:46,301
Well, my compliments.
103
00:04:46,302 --> 00:04:47,802
Obviously, when you've
worked at the house
104
00:04:47,803 --> 00:04:49,870
I've failed
to appreciate your depth.
105
00:04:49,905 --> 00:04:52,223
Not to mention her width.
106
00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:57,228
No, I've always thought
107
00:04:57,262 --> 00:04:59,931
that Mahler was
an acquired taste.
108
00:04:59,965 --> 00:05:02,000
You can say that again.
109
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:03,918
You know, it was
a shared love for music
110
00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:06,187
which first attracted me
to my ex-wife.
111
00:05:07,506 --> 00:05:11,109
Really?
112
00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:13,528
Do you know "Mahler's Fourth"?
113
00:05:13,562 --> 00:05:17,815
It's only my fave, that's all.
114
00:05:17,849 --> 00:05:19,501
Hey, Woody, how'd it go, man?
115
00:05:19,502 --> 00:05:20,785
Oh, Sam, you're right. Yeah?
116
00:05:20,786 --> 00:05:21,953
As soon as those lights dimmed,
117
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,888
I was sound asleep.
118
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:25,957
These things really
came in handy. Oh...
119
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:31,630
Yeah, I tell you, these things
bailed me out quite a few times.
120
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,598
Got me through a lot
of heart-to-heart
121
00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,533
pillow talk with Diane.
122
00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:41,005
That cello concerto,
it gets everyone!
123
00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:42,907
You know, I stole a look
at the young people
124
00:05:42,908 --> 00:05:44,826
during the allegretto,
and I must admit,
125
00:05:44,827 --> 00:05:48,313
even Woody was displaying
unusual intensity.
126
00:05:49,581 --> 00:05:51,215
Woody.
127
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:52,650
Woody, they say we can still eat
128
00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:54,652
if we order right now.
129
00:05:54,686 --> 00:05:56,321
You know, Miss Howe,
130
00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:58,289
I know this is late notice,
131
00:05:58,290 --> 00:06:00,057
but are you free
this Saturday night?
132
00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:02,560
I'm having some people in to
listen to classical music.
133
00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:03,861
This, this, this, this Saturday?
134
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:05,196
If you're busy,
I'll understand... No, no!
135
00:06:05,197 --> 00:06:06,998
I, I'm I-I-I'm available.
136
00:06:07,032 --> 00:06:08,833
Oh, splendid.
137
00:06:08,867 --> 00:06:10,335
Shall we say around 7:00?
138
00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,604
7:00. Yeah.
139
00:06:14,190 --> 00:06:15,556
My God!
140
00:06:15,557 --> 00:06:17,559
Did you, did you
just hear what happened?
141
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,060
I certainly did.
142
00:06:19,094 --> 00:06:22,263
This incredibly
rich man asked me out.
143
00:06:22,264 --> 00:06:23,831
And-and all this time,
he's just b...
144
00:06:23,832 --> 00:06:25,700
he's been there
right in front of my nose.
145
00:06:25,701 --> 00:06:27,835
Well, congratulations, honey.
146
00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,304
I think he loves me.
147
00:06:30,338 --> 00:06:32,556
Oh, come-slow down, will you?
148
00:06:32,591 --> 00:06:35,359
Just slow down. All he did was
ask you for a date.
149
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,111
Well, all Charles
did was ask Diana
150
00:06:37,112 --> 00:06:39,214
if she wanted a cup of tea.
151
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,582
And look how that turned out.
152
00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:42,450
Their marriage is in shambles.
153
00:06:42,484 --> 00:06:43,601
"Shambles"?
154
00:06:43,635 --> 00:06:45,436
She got three castles
and $80 mil.
155
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,971
I call that happily ever after.
156
00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:52,310
I forgot my purse.
157
00:06:52,344 --> 00:06:53,561
Uh, Kelly?
158
00:06:53,595 --> 00:06:56,430
Kelly, is your, is your dad
seeing anyone special?
159
00:06:56,465 --> 00:06:58,299
No, and I wish he were.
160
00:06:58,333 --> 00:06:59,400
Since the divorce,
161
00:06:59,434 --> 00:07:01,302
he just mopes around the house.
162
00:07:01,303 --> 00:07:03,238
I sure wish he'd meet
someone wonderful.
163
00:07:03,239 --> 00:07:05,423
Oh, so do I.
164
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,591
For you, I mean.
165
00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:11,128
You know, Kelly,
isn't it rough on you,
166
00:07:11,163 --> 00:07:14,599
not having a mother around?
167
00:07:14,633 --> 00:07:17,736
I mean, you don't
even have a stepmother.
168
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,970
Somebody to chat with,
169
00:07:20,005 --> 00:07:22,990
and to share things with,
170
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:24,726
and to confide and tell all your
171
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,328
special little secrets to.
172
00:07:27,362 --> 00:07:28,946
Boy, I'll say.
173
00:07:28,947 --> 00:07:30,598
Like there's this
thing Woody does
174
00:07:30,599 --> 00:07:31,733
when we make love.
175
00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:33,367
Now tell me if you
think this is normal...
176
00:07:33,368 --> 00:07:34,919
Let's just save it. Let-let...
177
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,288
I think your soup's getting
cold. Come on, honey.
178
00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:39,056
Go on upstairs. Bye-bye.
179
00:07:46,081 --> 00:07:48,116
Hey, Carla.
180
00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:49,367
Give me a quick coffee,
will you?
181
00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:50,918
I've got some major
driving to do.
182
00:07:50,919 --> 00:07:51,969
Cliffie.
183
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,254
Where've you been
the past few days?
184
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,472
Ah, getting my nerve up.
185
00:07:54,506 --> 00:07:56,040
For what?
186
00:07:56,074 --> 00:07:57,575
Something drastic.
187
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,393
You and your mom still fighting?
188
00:07:59,428 --> 00:08:00,995
No, that's, uh...
189
00:08:01,029 --> 00:08:03,631
not a problem anymore.
190
00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:06,000
No, uh, well why, Cliff?
Why not?
191
00:08:06,034 --> 00:08:08,152
Well, 'cause I had
all I could take.
192
00:08:08,186 --> 00:08:10,354
Something unpleasant
had to be done.
193
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:12,824
And it wasn't pretty,
it wasn't easy, but, uh,
194
00:08:12,858 --> 00:08:14,592
she won't be bugging me anymore.
195
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,731
So, what's been
going on around here?
196
00:08:22,917 --> 00:08:25,937
Well, Cliff, your ma is still
at your place, isn't she?
197
00:08:25,971 --> 00:08:29,090
No, she's, uh, out in the car.
198
00:08:30,526 --> 00:08:32,960
Why didn't you bring her in?
199
00:08:32,994 --> 00:08:36,648
Oh, everybody's getting kind
of nosy around here, huh?
200
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,818
You think, uh, we'll talk about
something else, please?
201
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,702
You love talking about your ma.
202
00:08:41,737 --> 00:08:44,172
Hey! Subject closed, all right?
203
00:08:44,206 --> 00:08:46,106
Aw, forget it.
204
00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:48,911
Maybe there aren't so many
"Ma lovers" out in the woods.
205
00:08:52,648 --> 00:08:55,349
I knew this day would come.
206
00:08:55,384 --> 00:08:57,985
Clavin whacked his mother.
207
00:08:57,986 --> 00:08:58,987
Come on, Carla.
208
00:08:58,988 --> 00:09:00,788
He said she was
"out in the car."
209
00:09:00,822 --> 00:09:03,074
Yeah, and soon she'll be
out in the woods.
210
00:09:03,108 --> 00:09:06,293
Yeah, well, maybe she's getting
her own place, you know?
211
00:09:06,294 --> 00:09:08,396
Yeah, she's probably
getting a lot of places.
212
00:09:08,397 --> 00:09:10,964
Especially after
the bears dig her up.
213
00:09:10,999 --> 00:09:13,284
Oh, knock it off, Carla.
214
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,219
Cliff didn't kill anybody.
215
00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:17,021
Why not?
216
00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:18,756
What do we really
know about him?
217
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,192
We know he is weird.
218
00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:23,644
He's weird, but he's not
that weird.
219
00:09:23,645 --> 00:09:25,613
Look, to kill his mother,
he'd have to be some
220
00:09:25,614 --> 00:09:29,050
kind of slobbering, degenerate
dual-personality psychopath.
221
00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:31,986
Anybody got a problem with that?
222
00:09:32,021 --> 00:09:33,838
I can't believe
I'm hearing this!
223
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:36,273
If you really think Cliff is
capable of murdering his mother,
224
00:09:36,274 --> 00:09:38,309
why do you remain his friends?
225
00:09:38,343 --> 00:09:40,277
He's my ride.
226
00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:56,924
Well, here we are.
227
00:09:56,958 --> 00:09:59,559
Oh, Ma! Look at this!
228
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,779
Even better than the picture
in the brochure.
229
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:04,481
Yes, I expect I'll be
perfectly delighted
230
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:07,217
once I stop weeping
and feeling carsick.
231
00:10:07,218 --> 00:10:09,202
Aw, come on, Ma,
the ride wasn't that bad.
232
00:10:09,203 --> 00:10:10,537
You drive too fast.
233
00:10:10,571 --> 00:10:12,039
All young people do.
234
00:10:12,073 --> 00:10:13,406
I've often said,
235
00:10:13,441 --> 00:10:16,043
"A lot of needless
accidents could be avoided
236
00:10:16,144 --> 00:10:19,329
if they'd just raise
the legal driving age to 50."
237
00:10:20,515 --> 00:10:22,466
Well, I was just
in a hurry to get you
238
00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:24,435
to this beautiful
retirement community.
239
00:10:24,436 --> 00:10:27,404
I'll say.
Talk about luxury, huh?
240
00:10:27,439 --> 00:10:29,372
Oh! That bed, that's,
241
00:10:29,407 --> 00:10:31,241
that's practically king-sized.
242
00:10:31,243 --> 00:10:34,344
King Richard III,
wasn't he the dwarf?
243
00:10:36,965 --> 00:10:38,999
Oh, what do we got here?
244
00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:41,034
Whoa, look at this, Ma!
245
00:10:41,069 --> 00:10:43,770
You've got a beautiful view
of the woods here.
246
00:10:43,772 --> 00:10:45,973
Boy, oh, boy-you know,
when I see a place
247
00:10:46,007 --> 00:10:48,525
like this, I...
I almost wish I was retired.
248
00:10:48,627 --> 00:10:53,080
Clifford, are you sure we can
afford a place like this?
249
00:10:53,081 --> 00:10:54,031
Oh, yeah, but don't worry,
250
00:10:54,032 --> 00:10:55,365
your insurance policies
will cover it.
251
00:10:55,366 --> 00:10:56,900
Oh, that's convenient.
252
00:10:56,935 --> 00:10:59,602
You'll have money left
for hooch and slatterns.
253
00:10:59,637 --> 00:11:01,504
Oh, come on, Ma.
254
00:11:01,505 --> 00:11:03,540
You know I'm just doing
what's best for you.
255
00:11:03,541 --> 00:11:05,642
Come on, Ma.
256
00:11:05,676 --> 00:11:07,694
We've both got to be
strong about this.
257
00:11:10,815 --> 00:11:12,783
I suppose you're right.
258
00:11:12,784 --> 00:11:14,184
Well, you're darned
tootin', I'm right.
259
00:11:14,185 --> 00:11:16,753
I mean, you're gonna have
a lot of fun here, Ma.
260
00:11:16,754 --> 00:11:19,156
The brochure says the day's
crammed with activities.
261
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:21,307
You'll play bingo
to your heart's content.
262
00:11:21,308 --> 00:11:23,476
You'll make new friends.
263
00:11:23,477 --> 00:11:24,661
These are your golden years.
264
00:11:24,662 --> 00:11:26,029
Oh, bless your heart.
265
00:11:26,064 --> 00:11:28,354
You've given me what
every mother dreams of...
266
00:11:28,366 --> 00:11:30,100
a tastefully furnished room
267
00:11:30,134 --> 00:11:32,169
in which to die among strangers.
268
00:11:32,254 --> 00:11:33,436
Ma, come on.
269
00:11:33,437 --> 00:11:35,305
We're, we're gonna be
strong, remember?
270
00:11:35,306 --> 00:11:37,273
Now, is there anything you need?
271
00:11:37,275 --> 00:11:38,825
Well...
272
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,994
you could keep my garden up.
273
00:11:41,029 --> 00:11:43,764
I think there are
a couple of bags left
274
00:11:43,798 --> 00:11:45,632
of that steer manure you gave me
275
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,434
last Mothers' Day.
276
00:11:47,468 --> 00:11:50,103
Okay. I'll go do that now.
277
00:11:50,137 --> 00:11:52,072
Bye-bye.
278
00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:56,944
Ma, will you stop that?
279
00:11:56,946 --> 00:11:58,729
All right, good-bye.
280
00:12:02,651 --> 00:12:04,285
Ma!
281
00:12:04,319 --> 00:12:06,320
What? I'm just standing here.
282
00:12:06,321 --> 00:12:07,705
You're making those noises.
283
00:12:07,706 --> 00:12:09,089
I don't hear any noises.
284
00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:10,541
It must be
your guilty conscience.
285
00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:11,909
You run along.
286
00:12:11,943 --> 00:12:13,844
I expect they'll
be here any minute
287
00:12:13,846 --> 00:12:15,512
to prep me for my lobotomy.
288
00:12:15,596 --> 00:12:19,800
Ma, you're not going
to make me feel guilty.
289
00:12:19,801 --> 00:12:20,984
Now, I'm gonna leave,
290
00:12:21,018 --> 00:12:23,304
and I'll see you
next visitors' day.
291
00:12:23,306 --> 00:12:24,955
Bring cigarettes.
292
00:12:25,023 --> 00:12:27,073
They're money
in these places, you know.
293
00:12:33,281 --> 00:12:35,182
Presto.
294
00:12:35,183 --> 00:12:37,735
Wow, that's a nifty gismo
for cracking locks, Carla.
295
00:12:37,736 --> 00:12:39,302
Where'd you get it?
My kid made it
296
00:12:39,303 --> 00:12:40,738
in Shop for Mothers' Day.
297
00:12:42,157 --> 00:12:43,840
I don't feel right,
298
00:12:43,841 --> 00:12:45,576
breaking into Cliff's place
like this.
299
00:12:45,577 --> 00:12:47,995
Yeah, well, we've got
to do it now while he's out driving.
300
00:12:47,996 --> 00:12:49,346
It's the only way
we're gonna find out
301
00:12:49,347 --> 00:12:50,748
what happened to his mother.
302
00:12:50,749 --> 00:12:52,851
Yeah, besides, it's kind
of exciting, isn't it?
303
00:12:52,852 --> 00:12:54,735
You know, I always used
to dream of being
304
00:12:54,736 --> 00:12:57,037
a sophisticated,
international jewel thief,
305
00:12:57,038 --> 00:13:00,073
leaping catlike
from balcony to balcony.
306
00:13:01,642 --> 00:13:05,445
We've got to see if we can find
any trace of that poor woman.
307
00:13:05,513 --> 00:13:07,914
Look at this place,
give me the creeps.
308
00:13:07,932 --> 00:13:10,601
Look, Paul, go see
what's in there, okay?
309
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,487
Oh, it's just a head.
310
00:13:13,521 --> 00:13:14,721
Oh!
311
00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:15,889
Oh, relax.
312
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,340
It's another word
for "bathroom."
313
00:13:17,341 --> 00:13:18,776
It's an old navy term.
314
00:13:18,778 --> 00:13:20,560
You were in the navy?
315
00:13:20,578 --> 00:13:23,330
Mess cook, that dream came true.
316
00:13:23,331 --> 00:13:26,082
Well, go snoop around in there.
317
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,418
See if you can find any
intimate, feminine stuff.
318
00:13:28,419 --> 00:13:30,019
Aye-aye.
319
00:13:31,121 --> 00:13:32,756
There's a jar of bubble bath.
320
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:34,557
Oh, no, that's Cliff's.
321
00:13:34,592 --> 00:13:36,994
Uh, he uses it because he
thinks it keeps dogs
322
00:13:37,028 --> 00:13:38,528
from biting him on his route.
323
00:13:40,048 --> 00:13:41,898
Biting him on his what?
324
00:13:45,303 --> 00:13:47,938
When he's out
delivering mail, doofus.
325
00:13:47,972 --> 00:13:50,257
Is there anything else in there?
326
00:13:51,359 --> 00:13:53,793
Uh, just guy stuff:
327
00:13:53,828 --> 00:13:56,864
Soap, toothpaste,
uh, aftershave.
328
00:13:56,898 --> 00:13:59,499
You know what's
weird about this?
329
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:01,668
This closet has
all Cliff's stuff,
330
00:14:01,669 --> 00:14:03,971
but not even a trace
of any of Ma Clavin's stuff.
331
00:14:03,972 --> 00:14:05,772
Yeah, well what
about this skirt?
332
00:14:05,790 --> 00:14:07,373
Oh, no, that's Cliff's.
333
00:14:07,408 --> 00:14:09,009
It's, uh, it's a kilt.
334
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,844
He wore it to the
Postman's Ball, remember?
335
00:14:10,845 --> 00:14:13,013
"A Night in Glasgow"
was the theme.
336
00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:15,565
This is fiendish.
337
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,567
It's like he's just eliminated
338
00:14:17,602 --> 00:14:18,835
all traces of her.
339
00:14:18,836 --> 00:14:20,504
It's as though
she never existed.
340
00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:22,640
You're right, it is beginning
to get suspicious.
341
00:14:22,641 --> 00:14:24,240
Hey, wait a minute.
342
00:14:24,275 --> 00:14:25,742
What's this?
343
00:14:25,743 --> 00:14:26,910
Oh, no-no-no, that's the mail.
344
00:14:26,911 --> 00:14:28,181
Come on, that's private.
345
00:14:28,263 --> 00:14:29,379
Right, like Cliff's
346
00:14:29,413 --> 00:14:30,983
never read anyone else's mail.
347
00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:34,317
"Dear Mister Clavin,
348
00:14:34,352 --> 00:14:36,352
"I am forwarding you
all your mother's
349
00:14:36,387 --> 00:14:39,455
insurance policies
under separate cover."
350
00:14:40,775 --> 00:14:41,975
This is the smoking gun.
351
00:14:42,077 --> 00:14:44,093
Let's get out of here.
352
00:14:44,094 --> 00:14:45,595
Too late, he's
coming up the stairs.
353
00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:46,930
Get in the closet. Yeah, yeah.
354
00:14:46,931 --> 00:14:47,998
Go on, get in the closet.
355
00:14:47,999 --> 00:14:49,265
There's not enough room in here!
356
00:14:49,266 --> 00:14:51,668
Well, everybody take a deep breath.
357
00:15:01,646 --> 00:15:04,681
Well, I hope you're
satisfied, Clavin.
358
00:15:10,421 --> 00:15:13,356
You've done it now-
the dirty deed.
359
00:15:15,927 --> 00:15:18,261
There's no going back.
360
00:15:18,295 --> 00:15:19,930
So long.
361
00:15:19,964 --> 00:15:21,698
Arrivederci.
362
00:15:21,732 --> 00:15:22,933
Sayonara.
363
00:15:24,251 --> 00:15:26,186
Yachsomache.
364
00:15:28,923 --> 00:15:31,224
Oh, who am I kidding?
365
00:15:31,258 --> 00:15:34,028
I can't just pretend and go on
like nothing's happened.
366
00:15:34,929 --> 00:15:37,798
Oh, I've got to talk
to somebody.
367
00:15:37,832 --> 00:15:40,066
Somebody who will understand me.
368
00:15:40,101 --> 00:15:42,870
Somebody who won't condemn me.
369
00:15:44,438 --> 00:15:46,640
Ma, I'm going down to Cheers!
370
00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:49,826
Get me...
371
00:15:59,003 --> 00:16:02,406
Well, it sounds pretty
bad for Ma Clavin.
372
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:03,706
Let's get out of here.
373
00:16:03,707 --> 00:16:04,591
Wait, wait, wait.
374
00:16:04,592 --> 00:16:06,860
No one is going anywhere
until I find out
375
00:16:06,911 --> 00:16:08,578
who had their hands on my butt.
376
00:16:10,748 --> 00:16:11,982
Oh, that was me.
377
00:16:12,016 --> 00:16:13,516
I thought you had gum.
378
00:16:21,909 --> 00:16:23,510
How do I look?
379
00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:25,061
Wow! You're dressed
a little fancy, aren't you,
380
00:16:25,062 --> 00:16:27,714
to go over to some guy's house
and listen to some music?
381
00:16:27,715 --> 00:16:30,617
First of all, it is not a house.
382
00:16:30,651 --> 00:16:32,952
It is a stately mansion.
383
00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:34,521
And secondly, it is
not "some guy."
384
00:16:34,522 --> 00:16:37,924
It is Mr. Gaines,
the man I adore.
385
00:16:38,026 --> 00:16:39,476
"Adore?"
386
00:16:39,510 --> 00:16:41,278
Come on, what are you doing...
387
00:16:41,312 --> 00:16:43,847
You don't even know the
guy's first name, do you?
388
00:16:43,898 --> 00:16:45,048
It's Mister.
389
00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:49,052
And if I play my cards
right tonight,
390
00:16:49,087 --> 00:16:50,854
I might just become
Mrs. Mr. Gaines.
391
00:16:50,955 --> 00:16:53,940
Just think of it, Sam.
392
00:16:53,975 --> 00:16:57,610
Starting tonight I am no
longer the old Rebecca Howe.
393
00:16:57,644 --> 00:16:59,746
I am the new Rebecca Howe.
394
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:01,348
This is going to be the start...
395
00:17:01,382 --> 00:17:05,252
Of a whole new life for me.
396
00:17:05,254 --> 00:17:07,103
Have I said that before?
397
00:17:07,104 --> 00:17:08,423
Only about a thousand times.
398
00:17:08,424 --> 00:17:11,541
Well, this time it's different.
399
00:17:11,575 --> 00:17:13,076
Wow. Wow.
400
00:17:14,995 --> 00:17:16,596
Honey, you're doing it again.
401
00:17:16,630 --> 00:17:18,731
You're going completely
overboard.
402
00:17:18,766 --> 00:17:20,800
You do this time and time again.
403
00:17:20,834 --> 00:17:23,470
And I just, I don't want
to see you get hurt.
404
00:17:25,706 --> 00:17:28,108
You're right.
405
00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:29,910
I'm rushing into
things again, aren't I?
406
00:17:29,911 --> 00:17:31,811
Yeah.
407
00:17:31,845 --> 00:17:34,947
Listen, listen, it-it's just
a simple date, right?
408
00:17:34,948 --> 00:17:36,449
You're going over
to a guy's house
409
00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:38,017
and you listen
to a little music.
410
00:17:38,018 --> 00:17:39,953
That's right, I'm just
listening to a little music.
411
00:17:39,954 --> 00:17:41,020
Yeah.
412
00:17:41,054 --> 00:17:43,222
And I do like
some classical music.
413
00:17:43,257 --> 00:17:45,692
I, I... maybe they'll play
Wagner. I like Wagner.
414
00:17:45,693 --> 00:17:47,027
What's that catchy little tune
415
00:17:47,028 --> 00:17:48,561
that he has that I like?
416
00:17:48,630 --> 00:17:50,897
Oh, I know.
417
00:17:54,469 --> 00:17:56,203
You're doing it...
418
00:17:59,974 --> 00:18:02,075
Sam, you busy?
419
00:18:02,110 --> 00:18:03,543
Who is it?
420
00:18:03,545 --> 00:18:04,878
It's Cliff.
421
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,047
Then, yeah.
422
00:18:08,066 --> 00:18:09,833
Thanks, Sam.
423
00:18:12,803 --> 00:18:16,072
Hey, I, uh, I'm really
upset about something.
424
00:18:16,106 --> 00:18:18,140
I, just need your advice, pal.
425
00:18:18,159 --> 00:18:20,226
Cliff, Cliff.
426
00:18:20,261 --> 00:18:23,031
They, they make fun of you
because they love you, okay?
427
00:18:24,348 --> 00:18:27,617
Uh, thanks, Sam, but, uh, uh...
428
00:18:27,651 --> 00:18:30,003
that's not really
why I came in here.
429
00:18:30,037 --> 00:18:32,306
Oh. Then, why?
430
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:35,408
Well, Sam, I want
to talk about Ma.
431
00:18:37,512 --> 00:18:39,346
We've been fighting
a lot lately,
432
00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:40,681
and, uh, we've decided
433
00:18:40,715 --> 00:18:42,916
That she should go live
434
00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:44,434
in a retirement community.
435
00:18:44,468 --> 00:18:47,970
And, aw, Sammy, I'm
the worst son in the world!
436
00:18:48,005 --> 00:18:51,240
Oh, man, hey, uh, listen,
437
00:18:51,275 --> 00:18:52,942
all-all, all families...
438
00:18:52,976 --> 00:18:55,344
Do me a favor, do you want
to sit on the desk?
439
00:18:57,631 --> 00:18:59,232
All right.
440
00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:00,800
Uh, all-all families go
through this, Cliffie.
441
00:19:00,801 --> 00:19:02,902
Uh, you know, I think you're
doing the right thing.
442
00:19:02,903 --> 00:19:05,538
Uh, uh, you know, you know,
443
00:19:05,539 --> 00:19:07,707
I'll bet she's going
to be real happy, right?
444
00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:09,175
I mean, you picked a nice place.
445
00:19:09,176 --> 00:19:10,293
Oh, yeah.
446
00:19:10,327 --> 00:19:11,678
A real nice place.
447
00:19:11,712 --> 00:19:13,012
Famous, too.
448
00:19:13,047 --> 00:19:14,981
It was profiled on 60 Minutes.
449
00:19:17,385 --> 00:19:20,086
You know, a couple weeks later,
450
00:19:20,087 --> 00:19:21,838
they went back
and did a follow-up even.
451
00:19:21,839 --> 00:19:24,725
There you go, Cliff. Yeah.
452
00:19:24,759 --> 00:19:26,727
Yeah, I guess you're right, Sam.
453
00:19:26,728 --> 00:19:28,728
I still feel a little
bit guilty, though.
454
00:19:28,729 --> 00:19:30,713
Yeah, well, uh, you know,
there's no need for that.
455
00:19:30,714 --> 00:19:32,549
I think you're doing
the right thing, pal.
456
00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:34,568
Hey, thanks, Sam.
457
00:19:34,569 --> 00:19:36,802
Listen, I'd appreciate it
if you didn't spread it around,
458
00:19:36,803 --> 00:19:38,571
you know, this little
talk we had here.
459
00:19:38,572 --> 00:19:41,041
I only told you because
we're best friends.
460
00:19:41,075 --> 00:19:43,309
Well, fair enough.
461
00:19:43,344 --> 00:19:46,414
You know, but maybe we shouldn't
spread that around, either.
462
00:19:48,365 --> 00:19:50,182
I'm with you, Sam. All right.
463
00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:55,421
I'll, uh, be back
in a while there, Woody.
464
00:19:55,456 --> 00:19:58,425
Just remembered a job I have
to take care of at home.
465
00:19:58,459 --> 00:20:00,010
All right, Mr. Clavin.
466
00:20:00,044 --> 00:20:01,178
Hey, Cliff...
467
00:20:03,097 --> 00:20:06,817
Oh, it's, uh, nice
to see you guys, too. Yeah.
468
00:20:06,851 --> 00:20:08,602
So, uh, where,
where've you been?
469
00:20:08,636 --> 00:20:10,970
Oh, here, there...
everywhere, you know.
470
00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:13,106
Yeah, we didn't hear anything.
471
00:20:13,140 --> 00:20:16,243
Oh, yeah, save a beer
for me, will you?
472
00:20:16,277 --> 00:20:19,162
Hey, where's he going?
Well, he said he had a job
473
00:20:19,196 --> 00:20:20,864
to take care of at home.
474
00:20:20,898 --> 00:20:23,733
Yeah-a little digging
in the backyard, maybe.
475
00:20:23,768 --> 00:20:25,619
Getting rid
of the murder weapon.
476
00:20:25,653 --> 00:20:26,986
Come on, Carla.
477
00:20:26,987 --> 00:20:28,621
I can't believe you people
are still pursuing
478
00:20:28,622 --> 00:20:30,490
that paranoid fantasy
about Cliff.
479
00:20:30,524 --> 00:20:32,843
It's no fantasy, Frasier.
480
00:20:32,877 --> 00:20:34,137
And isn't it interesting
481
00:20:34,161 --> 00:20:36,963
that you're the one
who keeps defending him?
482
00:20:36,964 --> 00:20:38,798
Well, I'm not defending him.
I'm merely saying...
483
00:20:38,799 --> 00:20:41,468
Where is Lilith
these days, anyhow?
484
00:20:41,502 --> 00:20:45,605
Has anyone here heard
from Lilith lately?
485
00:20:45,639 --> 00:20:47,190
Oh, come on, Carla, lay off.
486
00:20:47,224 --> 00:20:49,860
And what about Vera, Norm?
Where is Vera?
487
00:20:49,894 --> 00:20:53,897
Carla...
And has anyone ever seen Paul's alleged ex?
488
00:20:53,931 --> 00:20:55,531
You're all sick.
489
00:20:55,565 --> 00:20:57,701
It's an evil conspiracy.
490
00:20:57,735 --> 00:20:59,453
A bunch of frustrated men
491
00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:00,787
who slaughter women
492
00:21:00,788 --> 00:21:03,256
and then chop up their bodies
in the dead of night!
493
00:21:03,257 --> 00:21:06,526
Oh, man!
494
00:21:06,561 --> 00:21:08,361
I'd better
have a date pretty soon
495
00:21:08,395 --> 00:21:10,229
or I'm gonna start
turning weird.
496
00:21:29,049 --> 00:21:30,149
Why, Miss Howe
497
00:21:30,150 --> 00:21:31,851
I was just beginning
to worry about you.
498
00:21:31,852 --> 00:21:34,654
Oh, please, call me Rebecca.
499
00:21:34,688 --> 00:21:36,439
What a lovely home you have.
500
00:21:36,473 --> 00:21:39,575
So many possibilities.
501
00:21:39,609 --> 00:21:40,827
Why, thank you.
502
00:21:40,828 --> 00:21:42,595
You should enjoy yourself
this evening.
503
00:21:42,596 --> 00:21:44,147
We're having
an all-Mahler program.
504
00:21:44,148 --> 00:21:46,082
Oh, wonderful.
505
00:21:46,116 --> 00:21:48,985
Yes. I've hired
a very gifted German baritone.
506
00:21:49,019 --> 00:21:51,955
He'll be performing Mahler's
"Kindertotenleider,"
507
00:21:51,989 --> 00:21:53,924
songs on the death of children.
508
00:21:53,958 --> 00:21:57,276
Well, if we don't have fun
tonight, we never will.
509
00:21:57,277 --> 00:21:58,611
Yes, and you should be able
510
00:21:58,612 --> 00:22:00,080
to hear adequately
from your station,
511
00:22:00,081 --> 00:22:02,381
where you'll be
performing your duties.
512
00:22:02,416 --> 00:22:04,684
My station?
513
00:22:04,685 --> 00:22:06,869
Yes. You'll be tending bar
just through that door.
514
00:22:06,870 --> 00:22:09,138
You know, we didn't have
a chance to discuss your wages.
515
00:22:09,139 --> 00:22:10,406
Now I want to be fair.
516
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,392
My station? My duties?
517
00:22:12,393 --> 00:22:13,626
Uh, Hives, here, has your apron.
518
00:22:13,627 --> 00:22:16,112
Hives? He'll explain
your duties.
519
00:22:16,113 --> 00:22:17,564
I'll start off
with a white wine.
520
00:22:17,565 --> 00:22:20,817
My station? My duties? My apron?
521
00:22:20,851 --> 00:22:22,702
Fancy dress.
522
00:22:22,736 --> 00:22:25,506
Hives, I-I think there's
been a terrible mistake here.
523
00:22:25,539 --> 00:22:27,607
You see, I-I think
I was supposed to be
524
00:22:27,641 --> 00:22:30,076
Mister Gaines' date
for this evening.
525
00:22:30,110 --> 00:22:33,813
Really! Oh, they'll love that
in the kitchen.
526
00:22:36,533 --> 00:22:37,767
Thank you.
527
00:22:37,802 --> 00:22:40,503
You're very kind.
37070
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