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1
00:00:02,197 --> 00:00:04,607
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,702
Ho-ho! What's the rush, man?
3
00:00:08,703 --> 00:00:10,104
I almost forgot.
4
00:00:10,105 --> 00:00:12,056
It's 6:00, and today's my
15th wedding anniversary.
5
00:00:12,057 --> 00:00:14,091
Ah, you're going out
and buy Vera a present
6
00:00:14,092 --> 00:00:15,352
before the stores close?
7
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:18,896
Happy anniversary, honey.
8
00:00:20,632 --> 00:00:23,233
Sorry, Sammy, you were saying?
9
00:00:31,493 --> 00:00:34,194
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
10
00:00:34,262 --> 00:00:37,964
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
11
00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:43,770
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
12
00:00:43,838 --> 00:00:46,473
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
13
00:00:46,541 --> 00:00:49,209
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
14
00:00:49,277 --> 00:00:53,247
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
15
00:01:11,532 --> 00:01:13,400
Okay, fellas,
let's call it a night.
16
00:01:13,468 --> 00:01:15,502
Boy, that's the longest day
of my life.
17
00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:17,070
Yeah? Why so tired, Sammy?
18
00:01:17,071 --> 00:01:18,855
Oh, I didn't get a wink
of sleep last night.
19
00:01:18,856 --> 00:01:21,241
Ooh! Ooh!
20
00:01:21,242 --> 00:01:23,126
Oh, no, no, give me
a break, will you?
21
00:01:23,127 --> 00:01:25,662
Not everything I do in my
life has to do with sex.
22
00:01:25,729 --> 00:01:26,780
Sure it does, Sammy.
23
00:01:26,781 --> 00:01:28,114
Come on, give us the details.
24
00:01:28,115 --> 00:01:29,149
Yeah, come on.
25
00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:30,867
Yeah, well, I had silverfish
26
00:01:30,935 --> 00:01:32,969
all over my apartment
last night.
27
00:01:33,037 --> 00:01:34,287
Ewww!
28
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:35,923
Silverfish!
29
00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:39,742
Spent the whole night rolling
up newspapers and swatting them.
30
00:01:39,810 --> 00:01:42,028
Oh, kinky.
31
00:01:42,096 --> 00:01:43,430
It got so bad
32
00:01:43,498 --> 00:01:44,731
there for a while, I...
33
00:01:44,798 --> 00:01:47,267
I started rubbing ammonia
on the baseboard.
34
00:01:47,268 --> 00:01:49,536
Sammy, don't know what that means,
35
00:01:49,537 --> 00:01:52,439
but does she have a sister?
36
00:01:52,506 --> 00:01:54,140
Hey, guys, I...
I'm serious, man.
37
00:01:54,141 --> 00:01:55,909
I've got some...
I've got a real problem
38
00:01:55,910 --> 00:01:57,027
with insects in my place.
39
00:01:57,028 --> 00:01:58,898
As a matter of fact, uh,
they're, uh,
40
00:01:58,899 --> 00:02:00,780
tenting the whole building,
you know,
41
00:02:00,781 --> 00:02:03,516
and fumigating it
for, like, 24 hours.
42
00:02:03,517 --> 00:02:05,251
Ouch! Where are you gonna sleep?
43
00:02:05,252 --> 00:02:06,587
I happen to be
spending the night
44
00:02:06,588 --> 00:02:08,054
with a very close friend
of mine.
45
00:02:08,055 --> 00:02:10,345
Close friend! Hey!
46
00:02:10,346 --> 00:02:12,258
Sam, you don't have to spend the
night with one of your bimbos.
47
00:02:12,259 --> 00:02:13,359
You can come over to my house.
48
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:14,795
I have a fold-out couch.
49
00:02:16,681 --> 00:02:19,249
As nice as that
offer sounds, uh,
50
00:02:19,317 --> 00:02:21,351
the alternative
is to spend the night
51
00:02:21,352 --> 00:02:23,053
with a stewardess who's offered
52
00:02:23,054 --> 00:02:24,654
to bump me up to first class.
53
00:02:24,722 --> 00:02:26,923
Ooh...
54
00:02:26,991 --> 00:02:29,309
Oh, yeah, hey,
I had a stew once.
55
00:02:29,377 --> 00:02:30,827
Yeah, used to go out with her.
56
00:02:30,878 --> 00:02:33,313
Boy, was she wild in the sack.
57
00:02:33,381 --> 00:02:34,547
What airline?
58
00:02:34,615 --> 00:02:36,516
Shut up.
59
00:02:36,517 --> 00:02:39,452
Well, Sam, if you
change your mind,
60
00:02:39,453 --> 00:02:40,854
you do have a place to stay.
61
00:02:40,922 --> 00:02:43,256
Yeah, well, you know,
with all due respect,
62
00:02:43,324 --> 00:02:45,314
we're not talking
about your love life.
63
00:02:45,315 --> 00:02:46,960
We're talking about
my love life.
64
00:02:46,961 --> 00:02:49,246
It will work out for Sammy.
65
00:02:49,313 --> 00:02:53,717
If your ego needs a place
to stay, give me a call.
66
00:02:53,718 --> 00:02:55,135
Of course it'll work out.
67
00:02:55,136 --> 00:02:56,269
It's a stew, isn't it?
68
00:02:56,337 --> 00:02:57,837
Boy, don't I know.
69
00:02:57,905 --> 00:02:58,955
How do you know?
70
00:02:59,006 --> 00:03:01,074
Shut up!
71
00:03:02,477 --> 00:03:05,312
Hey, Wood, come on,
I'll walk you to your car.
72
00:03:05,313 --> 00:03:06,396
Good night, Sam.
73
00:03:06,397 --> 00:03:07,764
Good night, Woody.
74
00:03:07,831 --> 00:03:10,066
Oh, hey, uh, listen, Sam.
75
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:11,818
You know, don't worry about that
76
00:03:11,819 --> 00:03:12,736
bug killer stuff.
77
00:03:12,737 --> 00:03:14,938
They say to stay out
for 24 hours,
78
00:03:15,006 --> 00:03:16,973
but that's just overcautious.
79
00:03:16,974 --> 00:03:18,441
They sprayed my building once.
80
00:03:18,442 --> 00:03:19,492
I went right back in.
81
00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:20,560
Come on.
82
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:23,797
Okay, let's go.
83
00:03:23,865 --> 00:03:26,232
Oh, by the way, Sam, uh, listen,
84
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,868
uh, I was meaning to tell you.
85
00:03:27,869 --> 00:03:29,569
Don't worry
about that bug killer stuff.
86
00:03:29,570 --> 00:03:31,440
They tell you to stay out
for 24 hours.
87
00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:32,792
That's just overcautious.
88
00:03:32,793 --> 00:03:34,174
They sprayed my building once.
89
00:03:34,175 --> 00:03:35,241
I went right back in.
90
00:03:35,309 --> 00:03:36,793
You ready, Carla?
91
00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:39,245
Okay, guys, come on, let's go.
92
00:03:39,246 --> 00:03:40,314
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
93
00:03:40,315 --> 00:03:41,448
All right, good night.
94
00:03:41,449 --> 00:03:44,484
Hey, good luck with
that stewardess, huh?
95
00:03:44,552 --> 00:03:47,721
Swat a few silverfish for me.
96
00:03:47,789 --> 00:03:49,779
Cliffie, you just
don't get it, do you?
97
00:03:49,791 --> 00:03:51,925
No.
98
00:04:15,566 --> 00:04:16,649
Ooh, yes!
99
00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:22,272
Hold on.
100
00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:23,390
There we are.
101
00:04:23,408 --> 00:04:24,774
Hi, Sam.
102
00:04:24,842 --> 00:04:28,145
Look at you-you wore your uniform.
103
00:04:28,212 --> 00:04:30,513
Hey, what do you say
we, uh, lock ourselves
104
00:04:30,514 --> 00:04:33,083
in the bathroom there and
relive our first meeting?
105
00:04:33,084 --> 00:04:34,351
Oh... I'd love to, Sam,
106
00:04:34,419 --> 00:04:36,109
but I just stopped by
to tell you,
107
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,255
I gotta be on a plane
in 45 minutes.
108
00:04:38,256 --> 00:04:39,122
No!
109
00:04:39,123 --> 00:04:41,742
Aw... well, heck.
110
00:04:41,809 --> 00:04:43,643
Well, 45 minutes-that gives us
111
00:04:43,711 --> 00:04:45,445
plenty of time to relive it.
112
00:04:45,446 --> 00:04:46,396
What say, huh?
113
00:04:46,397 --> 00:04:47,764
No, no, no, I've got to go.
114
00:04:47,832 --> 00:04:48,898
The airport's a zoo.
115
00:04:48,966 --> 00:04:51,601
50,000 Shriners are coming in
for a convention.
116
00:04:51,669 --> 00:04:54,654
Why... why don't they stay
in their own country, huh?
117
00:04:58,059 --> 00:04:59,459
Oh... Oh, yeah, sorry.
118
00:04:59,526 --> 00:05:01,227
You've just gotta...
119
00:05:01,295 --> 00:05:02,362
There you go.
120
00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:03,697
Good night. Thanks.
121
00:05:03,764 --> 00:05:04,931
See you when I get back.
122
00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:06,399
Yeah, you bet, you bet.
123
00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:08,184
Shoot, shoot.
124
00:05:08,252 --> 00:05:09,869
Well...
125
00:05:09,937 --> 00:05:11,304
Oh, oh, oh, wait a minute.
126
00:05:11,305 --> 00:05:12,405
Wait, wait... oh!
127
00:05:12,406 --> 00:05:13,907
Say, Julie?
128
00:05:13,974 --> 00:05:15,207
Julie?
129
00:05:15,208 --> 00:05:17,310
Hey, honey, listen,
I need a place to stay.
130
00:05:17,311 --> 00:05:18,562
Julie!
131
00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,590
Oh, no.
132
00:05:33,394 --> 00:05:38,798
Believe me, honey,
you were wise to stay home.
133
00:05:38,799 --> 00:05:41,567
This town is nothing
compared to Cincinnati.
134
00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:46,940
Yeah, I just, uh, stayed in
my hotel room, watched CNN.
135
00:05:47,008 --> 00:05:48,775
I don't watch movies like that.
136
00:05:48,843 --> 00:05:50,276
You know that.
137
00:05:50,344 --> 00:05:52,612
Hey, excuse me,
I gotta use the phone.
138
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,130
I locked myself out of my bar,
139
00:05:54,131 --> 00:05:55,999
and I gotta call my waitress
to get the keys,
140
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,133
so could you hurry up, please?
141
00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:59,335
Hey, uh, look, I gotta run.
142
00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:01,955
Honey, you know
I wanted to bring you,
143
00:06:02,023 --> 00:06:04,657
but none of the guys
brought their wives.
144
00:06:04,725 --> 00:06:07,560
Don't start. Don't start.
145
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,963
You're starting again.
Don't start.
146
00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:12,264
Once she gets started...
147
00:06:14,836 --> 00:06:17,370
Yes. Yes, dear.
148
00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:27,380
Carla! Carla!
149
00:06:31,886 --> 00:06:33,336
Oh. I'm... I'm sorry.
150
00:06:33,337 --> 00:06:35,672
You know, I didn't know
you were going to be here.
151
00:06:35,673 --> 00:06:36,973
And now you do.
152
00:06:37,041 --> 00:06:39,842
Uh... Wait a minute. Come back!
Hey, let me in, will you?
153
00:06:39,910 --> 00:06:41,828
I locked myself out of the bar.
154
00:06:41,829 --> 00:06:43,330
I need to borrow Carla's keys.
155
00:06:43,331 --> 00:06:44,731
Fine.
156
00:06:44,798 --> 00:06:46,299
Carla!
157
00:06:46,367 --> 00:06:48,601
Sam's here.
158
00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:50,087
Hey, you know what?
159
00:06:50,154 --> 00:06:53,390
I could borrow your keys
to Melville's.
160
00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:56,042
Yes, you could. Carla!
161
00:06:57,878 --> 00:06:59,812
Hey. Hey.
162
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,314
What's up, Sammy?
163
00:07:01,382 --> 00:07:04,184
Oh, well, I, uh...
My date didn't turn out,
164
00:07:04,185 --> 00:07:05,885
and I locked myself
out of the bar,
165
00:07:05,886 --> 00:07:07,516
and so I need to
borrow your keys.
166
00:07:07,521 --> 00:07:08,821
You have my set.
167
00:07:08,889 --> 00:07:10,423
No, I don't. Yeah. Remember?
168
00:07:10,424 --> 00:07:12,241
Woody lost his,
so you gave him yours,
169
00:07:12,242 --> 00:07:14,143
and then you took mine,
and then he lost yours again.
170
00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:17,363
Oh, I do hope you haven't sold
the movie rights
171
00:07:17,431 --> 00:07:20,466
to this fascinating story.
172
00:07:20,534 --> 00:07:22,903
Hey, why don't you go over
to Rebecca's?
173
00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:24,437
I mean, she offered, right?
174
00:07:24,438 --> 00:07:26,022
No, no, no, no.
I said some stuff.
175
00:07:26,023 --> 00:07:28,257
I don't want her to
throw it back in my face.
176
00:07:28,325 --> 00:07:32,078
Well, I guess you could
stay here for the night.
177
00:07:32,145 --> 00:07:33,195
Yeah! Yeah!
178
00:07:33,197 --> 00:07:34,914
All right, thanks. Yeah.
179
00:07:34,982 --> 00:07:36,799
Look, Sammy... What?
180
00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:38,868
No matter what you hear,
181
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:41,671
no matter how much I scream
or call for help,
182
00:07:41,738 --> 00:07:44,257
do not open the bedroom
door-got it?
183
00:07:44,325 --> 00:07:46,943
Ditto for me, too, Sam.
184
00:07:47,011 --> 00:07:48,812
Oh, no, no, no, uh, listen...
185
00:07:48,879 --> 00:07:50,613
maybe, uh... I-I tell you what.
186
00:07:50,681 --> 00:07:52,481
I know a guy who's
got a hotel near...
187
00:07:52,549 --> 00:07:53,983
Fabulous idea!
188
00:07:57,054 --> 00:07:58,487
Good night, Sam.
189
00:08:05,762 --> 00:08:07,513
No. We have no rooms.
190
00:08:07,581 --> 00:08:09,849
Every hotel is full.
191
00:08:09,916 --> 00:08:12,652
There's a Shriners' convention
in town.
192
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,054
Stop bothering me!
193
00:08:15,122 --> 00:08:17,624
If I have to deal with
one more idiot tonight,
194
00:08:17,625 --> 00:08:18,959
I'm going to strangle him.
195
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,761
How may I help you, sir?
196
00:08:21,829 --> 00:08:24,330
Hi. Steve working tonight?
197
00:08:24,398 --> 00:08:25,965
Steve? No.
198
00:08:25,966 --> 00:08:28,167
Steve hasn't worked here
for the last six months.
199
00:08:28,168 --> 00:08:30,937
He was unreliable.
200
00:08:30,938 --> 00:08:32,906
Is there anything
I can help you with?
201
00:08:32,907 --> 00:08:34,791
Yeah. Uh...
202
00:08:34,859 --> 00:08:37,911
This is, uh... this
is pretty funny, Mario.
203
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:40,028
You're going to get
a big kick out of this.
204
00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:42,916
Uh... See, I... I left
my, uh... left my wallet
205
00:08:42,983 --> 00:08:44,918
in my place of
business and I, uh...
206
00:08:44,985 --> 00:08:47,487
I don't have a credit
card or money or,
207
00:08:47,555 --> 00:08:50,356
for that matter, any
identification at all.
208
00:08:50,357 --> 00:08:51,474
Yuh-huh.
209
00:08:51,475 --> 00:08:54,778
That's funny stuff, sir.
210
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:59,783
The point is, uh...
I'm gonna need a room,
211
00:08:59,850 --> 00:09:02,084
and I... I can't
pay for it tonight.
212
00:09:02,152 --> 00:09:04,704
Oh, I see-you want
one of our free rooms.
213
00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:05,822
No, no, it doesn't
have to be free.
214
00:09:05,823 --> 00:09:07,924
I can, you know,
I can pay for it in the morning.
215
00:09:07,925 --> 00:09:09,642
Well, whatever's
convenient for you.
216
00:09:09,643 --> 00:09:12,545
Now, would you like
a suite or a room?
217
00:09:12,613 --> 00:09:14,280
A suite would be great.
218
00:09:14,348 --> 00:09:16,115
All right. Colour TV? Sauna?
219
00:09:16,183 --> 00:09:18,601
Well, sure.
220
00:09:18,669 --> 00:09:21,521
Is that going to be a queen
or a king-sized bed?
221
00:09:21,589 --> 00:09:23,456
Uh... king. Yeah, please.
222
00:09:23,457 --> 00:09:25,324
And, Mario, non-smoking,
if you don't mind.
223
00:09:25,325 --> 00:09:26,793
But of course.
224
00:09:26,861 --> 00:09:29,751
And would you like me to carry
you to your room piggyback?
225
00:09:31,431 --> 00:09:32,866
Oh, I see.
226
00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:35,301
You're, uh... you're being
sarcastic, aren't you?
227
00:09:35,302 --> 00:09:36,319
If you had spent the day
228
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,705
fending off joy buzzers
and squirting carnations,
229
00:09:38,706 --> 00:09:41,074
you'd be a mite cranky yourself.
230
00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:43,910
So you're, uh...
you're not going to give me a room, huh?
231
00:09:43,978 --> 00:09:45,378
I don't have a room to give.
232
00:09:45,379 --> 00:09:46,713
Nobody in Boston has a room.
233
00:09:46,714 --> 00:09:49,148
The entire town
is infested with Shriners!
234
00:09:49,216 --> 00:09:51,568
Now, if you're desperate
for a place to sleep,
235
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:53,836
might I suggest
you become a Shriner?
236
00:09:53,904 --> 00:09:56,506
I'm not entirely sure
how one goes about that,
237
00:09:56,507 --> 00:09:57,873
but it appears to
have something to do
238
00:09:57,874 --> 00:10:01,678
with driving a tiny car
through the lobby of my hotel.
239
00:10:01,745 --> 00:10:04,564
Can I use your phone, please?
240
00:10:04,631 --> 00:10:06,166
Oh, but of course.
241
00:10:06,233 --> 00:10:08,017
Would you like
to call Australia?
242
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:11,420
Perhaps one of our new picture
phones will suit your needs.
243
00:10:11,488 --> 00:10:13,706
Never mind. Never mind.
244
00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:14,874
Enjoyed your stay?
245
00:10:14,942 --> 00:10:16,943
Why not tell a friend?
246
00:10:19,546 --> 00:10:22,615
No problem, Sam. Mi casa es su casa.
247
00:10:22,616 --> 00:10:23,933
Oh, bless your heart, man.
248
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,902
I think I'll just
stretch out on the couch here.
249
00:10:25,903 --> 00:10:28,070
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight.
250
00:10:28,071 --> 00:10:30,339
You're sleeping
on the couch? Yeah.
251
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:32,041
Yeah. Sometimes, when
I come home late from Cheers,
252
00:10:32,042 --> 00:10:33,376
I don't like to wake Vera up,
253
00:10:33,377 --> 00:10:35,187
so I just crash
out on the couch here.
254
00:10:35,245 --> 00:10:37,446
But you're always late
at Cheers.
255
00:10:37,514 --> 00:10:39,298
Yeah. How about that?
256
00:10:39,366 --> 00:10:41,166
Oh, please?
257
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:42,402
Oh, now, now, now, now...
258
00:10:42,470 --> 00:10:43,803
Please. Okay. All right.
259
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,106
Aw, bless you.
If you're that desperate,
260
00:10:46,173 --> 00:10:48,941
I'll show you
what a good friend I am.
261
00:10:49,009 --> 00:10:50,743
Go ahead and sleep on the couch.
262
00:10:50,811 --> 00:10:53,480
I'll go sleep with my wife.
263
00:10:53,547 --> 00:10:55,715
Thank you. Thank you.
264
00:10:59,286 --> 00:11:00,653
Well, here I go.
265
00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:06,142
You're going to let me do this,
aren't you?
266
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,444
I'm so tired.
267
00:11:08,512 --> 00:11:12,331
All right.
You owe me big time, Malone.
268
00:11:12,399 --> 00:11:15,351
Norm? Norm, is that you?
269
00:11:15,419 --> 00:11:16,952
Yes, dear.
270
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:18,954
You've come home to me.
271
00:11:19,022 --> 00:11:21,491
Come here, lover boy.
272
00:11:36,023 --> 00:11:39,776
Okay, Sam, there're some
extra towels by the sink
273
00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:41,076
in the guest bathroom.
274
00:11:41,077 --> 00:11:42,144
Oh, God!
275
00:11:42,145 --> 00:11:43,479
If there's anything else
you need,
276
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:44,514
just let me know.
277
00:11:44,515 --> 00:11:45,882
Don't worry
about disturbing Lilith.
278
00:11:45,883 --> 00:11:48,684
She's, uh, sleeping in the cellar.
279
00:11:48,752 --> 00:11:50,069
In the cellar?
280
00:11:50,137 --> 00:11:53,373
Yes-you can take the girl
out of the Eco pod, you know...
281
00:11:54,741 --> 00:11:56,509
Ah, thank you.
282
00:11:56,576 --> 00:11:58,878
You bet. Uh, listen, that's it.
283
00:11:58,946 --> 00:12:01,664
I'll just bid you
a fond Bonne nuit.
284
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,751
Say, uh, wha...
285
00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:08,554
Is that, uh, is that Frederick?
286
00:12:08,622 --> 00:12:10,289
Yes, that's Frederick.
287
00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:11,858
Having a bit of a tantrum
tonight.
288
00:12:11,859 --> 00:12:13,392
Trying to manipulate me,
you see.
289
00:12:13,393 --> 00:12:15,427
It's a common tactic
of a four-year-old,
290
00:12:15,428 --> 00:12:18,364
and as any good parent knows,
the secret is to just ignore it.
291
00:12:18,365 --> 00:12:19,765
He's just gonna have
292
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:22,501
to cry himself out,
the little weasel.
293
00:12:22,569 --> 00:12:25,437
He's got, uh,
good lungs, though, huh?
294
00:12:25,505 --> 00:12:27,639
Well, night-night.
295
00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:36,365
Oh, God!
296
00:12:39,353 --> 00:12:42,488
Hey...
297
00:12:42,556 --> 00:12:44,157
Hey, Freddie!
298
00:12:44,225 --> 00:12:46,459
Can you hear me, Freddie?
299
00:12:46,526 --> 00:12:49,128
I-It's Sam Malone! Uncle Sammy!
300
00:12:49,196 --> 00:12:51,797
Say, uh, Freddie,
301
00:12:51,866 --> 00:12:55,835
you're kind of a big boy to be
throwing a tantrum, aren't you?
302
00:12:55,903 --> 00:12:58,271
Do you think you could hold off
303
00:12:58,339 --> 00:12:59,739
until tomorrow morning?
304
00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:05,361
Thank you.
305
00:13:05,429 --> 00:13:08,881
Oh! Oh, thank you, God.
306
00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:14,504
Oh...
307
00:13:24,864 --> 00:13:27,082
I'm so tired.
308
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:28,217
I'm desperate.
309
00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:31,053
God forgive me for this.
310
00:13:33,123 --> 00:13:34,524
Sam!
311
00:13:34,591 --> 00:13:37,259
Clifford, look, it's one
of your little friends!
312
00:13:51,124 --> 00:13:54,293
I'm so sorry to
come so late like this, Cliff.
313
00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:56,531
It's just that I'm
so very, very exhausted.
314
00:13:56,596 --> 00:13:57,763
Oh, thank you!
315
00:13:57,831 --> 00:14:00,299
You know, with the key
and everything?
316
00:14:00,367 --> 00:14:03,269
No apologies needed, young man.
317
00:14:03,337 --> 00:14:05,071
You poor thing.
318
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:06,705
So cold and no muffler!
319
00:14:06,773 --> 00:14:09,041
You could have caught
your death.
320
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,209
Oh!
321
00:14:10,210 --> 00:14:11,511
Yeah, you're always
welcome here, Sammy.
322
00:14:11,512 --> 00:14:13,346
You should know that, buddy.
323
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:16,398
Oh, Cliffie, man,
you're the best.
324
00:14:16,466 --> 00:14:18,633
And you, too, Mrs. Clavin.
325
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:20,486
Oh, what a dear.
326
00:14:20,554 --> 00:14:23,422
Now, I'll bet you're anxious
to get some sleep.
327
00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:26,208
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
328
00:14:26,276 --> 00:14:28,110
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
329
00:14:28,177 --> 00:14:29,712
Good.
330
00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:33,265
Well, that's a pretty comfy bed
there, isn't it, Sammy, huh?
331
00:14:42,759 --> 00:14:45,594
Am I sharing the same bed
with Cliff?
332
00:14:45,662 --> 00:14:47,563
Well, of course, silly.
333
00:14:47,631 --> 00:14:49,932
You didn't expect
to sleep with me!
334
00:14:51,184 --> 00:14:53,252
No, no, this is...
this'll be all right.
335
00:14:53,253 --> 00:14:54,320
This is fine.
336
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:56,422
All right, then, nighty-night.
337
00:14:56,490 --> 00:14:57,789
Good night, Ma.
338
00:15:01,495 --> 00:15:05,598
Cliff, this is probably
one of those things
339
00:15:05,665 --> 00:15:08,834
that we should
just keep between the two of us, right?
340
00:15:08,902 --> 00:15:11,737
Gotcha, Sam.
341
00:15:11,805 --> 00:15:14,540
Oh, I almost forgot.
342
00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:18,360
Clifford, wake your
friend for prayers.
343
00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:21,063
Oh! Sam, Sam, wake up.
344
00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:23,265
Huh?
345
00:15:25,952 --> 00:15:27,670
Oh, yeah.
346
00:15:29,239 --> 00:15:32,791
Dear Lord,
bless Clifford and me,
347
00:15:32,859 --> 00:15:34,760
unworthy wretches that we are.
348
00:15:34,828 --> 00:15:38,364
Bless the postal system
and keep it from harm,
349
00:15:38,432 --> 00:15:43,236
by helping it to detect
the real loonies.
350
00:15:43,303 --> 00:15:45,671
Bless our friends, and thank you
351
00:15:45,739 --> 00:15:49,274
for letting Sam find
succour here tonight.
352
00:15:49,342 --> 00:15:51,710
Bless the late Mr. Clavin.
353
00:15:51,778 --> 00:15:53,645
I know he's not
in your vicinity,
354
00:15:53,713 --> 00:15:58,016
but rather roasting
in hell, on a spit...
355
00:15:58,084 --> 00:16:01,119
on a spit reserved for those
who desert their families.
356
00:16:01,187 --> 00:16:02,755
Amen. Amen.
357
00:16:02,822 --> 00:16:05,040
Sam? Hmm?
358
00:16:05,108 --> 00:16:06,308
Is there anyone special
359
00:16:06,376 --> 00:16:08,711
you would like the
Lord to remember?
360
00:16:08,778 --> 00:16:10,362
No, not particularly.
361
00:16:12,399 --> 00:16:15,301
Well, don't be surprised
if he doesn't remember you.
362
00:16:15,368 --> 00:16:16,768
Oh, please, please.
363
00:16:16,836 --> 00:16:18,166
Can't we just go to sleep?
364
00:16:18,171 --> 00:16:20,005
I'm so very tired. Please!
365
00:16:20,073 --> 00:16:22,641
Great, Ma,
you made my friend mad.
366
00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:24,727
Any wonder
I don't have anybody over?
367
00:16:24,794 --> 00:16:26,929
Any wonder I don't have
any friends?
368
00:16:26,997 --> 00:16:30,432
Oh, you don't have
friends because of me?
369
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:36,438
Me... who spent 36 hours
of the most painful labour
370
00:16:36,506 --> 00:16:37,886
the hospital had ever seen?
371
00:16:39,225 --> 00:16:40,943
There she goes.
372
00:16:41,011 --> 00:16:43,181
If you think
you're better off without me,
373
00:16:43,182 --> 00:16:44,713
you're welcome
to live by yourself.
374
00:16:44,714 --> 00:16:46,281
Just see how long you can last.
375
00:16:46,349 --> 00:16:47,750
Fine!
376
00:16:47,817 --> 00:16:49,368
A day-I give it a day.
377
00:16:49,435 --> 00:16:51,185
And that's during
daylight hours.
378
00:16:51,204 --> 00:16:53,672
Night falls and it's,
"Where's my mommy?"
379
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,624
Oh!
380
00:16:55,692 --> 00:16:56,742
Oh, is that right?
381
00:16:56,793 --> 00:16:58,928
Well, let me tell you, missy,
382
00:16:58,995 --> 00:17:01,130
that it takes two
to be codependent!
383
00:17:01,198 --> 00:17:04,266
You're the enabler!
You're the enabler!
384
00:17:04,334 --> 00:17:06,468
Oh! I'm the enabler
am I tonight, huh?
385
00:17:06,536 --> 00:17:09,471
Like last night
and the night before?!
386
00:17:09,472 --> 00:17:11,056
Well, you know why
I'm the enabler?!
387
00:17:11,057 --> 00:17:14,192
Because you demand it!
388
00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:16,211
Everything I do is wrong!
389
00:17:16,279 --> 00:17:17,947
Is that it, Clifford?!
390
00:17:19,549 --> 00:17:23,685
Oh, Ma, I'm sorry.
391
00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:25,820
Oh, now, don't be upset.
392
00:17:25,888 --> 00:17:27,889
I just, I just push too hard.
393
00:17:27,957 --> 00:17:29,859
No, I'm too domineering.
394
00:17:29,876 --> 00:17:31,694
Oh, Ma, Ma, it's me.
395
00:17:31,762 --> 00:17:33,061
I, you know, Ma, it's me.
396
00:17:33,129 --> 00:17:34,563
Sam...
397
00:17:34,631 --> 00:17:36,665
Hmm?
398
00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:38,834
Sam, which one of us is worse?
399
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:45,023
Can't we please go to sleep?
400
00:17:46,676 --> 00:17:49,912
I suppose that is a good idea.
401
00:17:49,979 --> 00:17:52,514
Good night, sweet precious.
402
00:17:52,582 --> 00:17:55,050
Goodnight, Ma.
403
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,886
Don't forget the bathroom
and turn off the light.
404
00:17:57,954 --> 00:17:59,054
All right.
405
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:07,996
Oh, my God!
Cliff, what a nasty scene!
406
00:18:08,064 --> 00:18:09,498
What was?
407
00:18:11,334 --> 00:18:13,301
Nothing. Nothing.
408
00:18:13,369 --> 00:18:14,670
Good night.
409
00:18:14,737 --> 00:18:16,638
Good night, Sam.
410
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,745
Sammy?
411
00:18:23,813 --> 00:18:26,247
Sammy?!
412
00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,550
Yes, Cliff?
413
00:18:28,618 --> 00:18:30,385
You awake?
414
00:18:30,453 --> 00:18:33,088
Yes, Cliff.
415
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,723
Hey...
416
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:36,792
Sam...
417
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,326
you know what's fun?
418
00:18:38,394 --> 00:18:40,963
What's fun, Cliff?
419
00:18:41,030 --> 00:18:44,566
Well, when you take the
letters of somebody's name
420
00:18:44,634 --> 00:18:47,202
and make another word out of it.
421
00:18:48,504 --> 00:18:52,507
You know, like if
it were my name-Clifford Clavin.
422
00:18:52,575 --> 00:18:57,312
Well, first word that comes
to mind, I'd say: Ford.
423
00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:59,014
Well, there's also cliff.
424
00:18:59,082 --> 00:19:02,417
You know, like the geo...
geographical structure.
425
00:19:02,485 --> 00:19:06,522
There's almost clavicle.
426
00:19:14,597 --> 00:19:17,482
Livid.
427
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:19,684
Cliffie, please.
428
00:19:19,752 --> 00:19:24,189
Oh, can't think of any?
429
00:19:24,257 --> 00:19:27,459
I'm trying to sleep here, Cliff.
430
00:19:27,527 --> 00:19:29,094
Sure thing, Sam. Good night.
431
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,734
How 'bout florid?
432
00:19:35,802 --> 00:19:38,570
Cliff, damn it, man! I'm tired!
433
00:19:38,571 --> 00:19:40,739
I'm really, really tired!
I'm trying to sleep here!
434
00:19:40,740 --> 00:19:42,574
Can't you just stop talking
for once?!
435
00:19:42,575 --> 00:19:45,177
Please, stop talking?!
436
00:19:51,918 --> 00:19:53,185
I'm sorry, Sammy.
437
00:19:53,253 --> 00:19:57,556
I was just, it's a problem
I have-I, uh...
438
00:20:00,493 --> 00:20:03,162
You know, I try to
stop talking and...
439
00:20:05,498 --> 00:20:08,200
and I just keep on talking.
440
00:20:08,201 --> 00:20:11,070
You know, it's kind
of like those people
441
00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:12,471
who live near Niagara Falls,
442
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:15,707
and after a while they
just don't hear it anymore.
443
00:20:18,411 --> 00:20:23,115
I mean I read an
article about this couple...
444
00:20:23,116 --> 00:20:25,617
they've lived near the Falls
for about 40 years or so,
445
00:20:25,618 --> 00:20:29,821
and they moved away and
the, uh... silence was,
446
00:20:29,822 --> 00:20:30,922
you know, just deafening.
447
00:20:30,923 --> 00:20:32,224
They had to move back.
448
00:20:32,292 --> 00:20:33,993
Couldn't stand it.
449
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:37,296
Why are some people like that
450
00:20:37,364 --> 00:20:42,167
and... and just other
people aren't, Sammy?
451
00:20:42,235 --> 00:20:44,169
You ever think about that?
452
00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:47,172
Sam?
453
00:20:48,108 --> 00:20:49,158
Sammy?
454
00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:54,313
Sam?!
455
00:20:54,381 --> 00:20:57,182
He's gone, isn't he, Clifford?
456
00:20:57,250 --> 00:21:00,185
It's all your fault, old woman!
457
00:21:09,412 --> 00:21:10,746
Rebecca?
458
00:21:12,449 --> 00:21:13,749
Rebecca?
459
00:21:15,735 --> 00:21:18,036
What?
Sam, what are you doing here?
460
00:21:18,104 --> 00:21:19,304
I thought you had a date.
461
00:21:19,372 --> 00:21:20,672
Well, yeah, I did.
462
00:21:20,673 --> 00:21:22,440
But, uh, things didn't work out
the way I expected,
463
00:21:22,441 --> 00:21:23,675
so I thought I'd, you know,
464
00:21:23,676 --> 00:21:25,277
swing by here and take you up
on your offer.
465
00:21:25,278 --> 00:21:27,379
Oh, old boring me?
466
00:21:27,447 --> 00:21:29,748
Oh, I don't know how good
that'd be, Sam.
467
00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:32,451
I wouldn't want to, I wouldn't
want to slow you down,
468
00:21:32,452 --> 00:21:34,185
in your great,
swinging love life.
469
00:21:34,186 --> 00:21:37,572
Please, you have no idea
what I've been through.
470
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,542
Yes, I do. Carla called.
471
00:21:40,609 --> 00:21:42,194
Ah... And then Norm.
472
00:21:42,195 --> 00:21:44,329
I've been sitting here for
three hours eating popcorn,
473
00:21:44,330 --> 00:21:46,431
watching movies, waiting
for you to come by here.
474
00:21:46,432 --> 00:21:47,850
Can I stay here?
475
00:21:47,917 --> 00:21:49,251
Can I go to sleep, please?
476
00:21:49,252 --> 00:21:50,235
Yes.
477
00:21:50,236 --> 00:21:52,520
Oh! Thank you!
478
00:21:52,588 --> 00:21:53,638
Come on. Get up.
479
00:21:53,656 --> 00:21:55,590
Don't get crazy about this...
480
00:21:55,658 --> 00:21:57,592
Oh, no. Oh, God.
481
00:21:57,593 --> 00:21:58,660
No, no!
482
00:21:58,661 --> 00:22:00,562
No more "Oh, no's!"
No, not tonight.
483
00:22:00,563 --> 00:22:01,629
Please. What's wrong?
484
00:22:01,630 --> 00:22:02,697
It's locked.
485
00:22:02,765 --> 00:22:04,966
Well, so, call the super!
486
00:22:05,034 --> 00:22:07,820
Well, I am the super.
487
00:22:14,394 --> 00:22:20,465
How 'bout, uh, anvil?
488
00:22:20,533 --> 00:22:23,835
Anvil is a... that's a good one.
489
00:22:23,903 --> 00:22:26,571
Oh, no. We did that an hour ago.
33370
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