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1
00:00:01,254 --> 00:00:05,173
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
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00:00:05,208 --> 00:00:06,926
Hey, how about
3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,894
a couple of beers?
4
00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:11,697
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to see some ID.
5
00:00:16,236 --> 00:00:17,569
All righty. Thank you.
6
00:00:17,604 --> 00:00:19,738
And If I can see yours, please.
7
00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:27,313
Why don't we just
forget about it.
8
00:00:27,347 --> 00:00:28,915
Let's just
get out of here.
9
00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:31,450
Guys, guys,
wait a minute.
10
00:00:31,484 --> 00:00:33,585
Before you run
screaming from here,
11
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,221
let me ask you
something.
12
00:00:35,255 --> 00:00:37,339
This friend of mine
is having twins.
13
00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:39,341
All right, it's me.
14
00:00:40,610 --> 00:00:42,828
Now, I don't care
if they call each other
15
00:00:42,862 --> 00:00:45,231
cute little names like
"Chipper and Skipper,"
16
00:00:45,265 --> 00:00:47,066
or if they pretend
to be each other,
17
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,634
make their teachers' lives
a living hell.
18
00:00:49,669 --> 00:00:51,120
See, what worries me
19
00:00:51,154 --> 00:00:54,390
is that they'll have ESP,
you know,
20
00:00:54,424 --> 00:00:56,859
and they'll communicate
silent, evil thoughts
21
00:00:56,894 --> 00:00:59,729
and I won't know
what they're saying about me.
22
00:01:00,847 --> 00:01:02,515
You think that's weird?
23
00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:08,504
Well?
24
00:01:08,538 --> 00:01:09,922
We're discussing it.
25
00:01:21,534 --> 00:01:24,103
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
26
00:01:24,137 --> 00:01:27,106
¶ Takes everything you've got
27
00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,941
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
28
00:01:29,976 --> 00:01:33,045
¶ Sure would help a lot
29
00:01:33,079 --> 00:01:38,317
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
30
00:01:38,351 --> 00:01:41,153
¶ Sometimes you want to go
31
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:46,041
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
32
00:01:46,076 --> 00:01:51,280
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
33
00:01:51,314 --> 00:01:53,282
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
34
00:01:53,316 --> 00:01:56,285
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
35
00:01:56,319 --> 00:02:01,056
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
36
00:02:01,091 --> 00:02:04,193
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
37
00:02:04,227 --> 00:02:06,328
¶ People are all the same
38
00:02:06,362 --> 00:02:10,900
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
39
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,108
Listen up, everybody.
40
00:02:32,142 --> 00:02:34,577
Clifford Clavin has decided
41
00:02:34,611 --> 00:02:35,862
to make
a major life change.
42
00:02:35,896 --> 00:02:39,532
Don't bother--
you'd be a dorky woman, too.
43
00:02:39,567 --> 00:02:40,900
That's a good one,
Carla.
44
00:02:40,935 --> 00:02:42,234
A good one.
45
00:02:42,269 --> 00:02:43,837
All right, Cliffie.
46
00:02:43,871 --> 00:02:45,071
What's up, bud?
47
00:02:45,105 --> 00:02:47,440
There's a new condo complex
going up on my route.
48
00:02:47,475 --> 00:02:48,875
You know, one of those places
49
00:02:48,909 --> 00:02:51,845
filled with beautiful people
having the time of their lives.
50
00:02:51,879 --> 00:02:53,045
I said
to myself,
51
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,064
Clifford C.,
you'd take to that place
52
00:02:55,099 --> 00:02:56,766
like a fish takes to water.
53
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,268
All slimy
with your eyes bulging out?
54
00:03:01,288 --> 00:03:04,407
Shouldn't you be squatting
in a field somewhere, Carla?
55
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,614
Well, make a long story short,
56
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:14,350
I am, uh,
Boston's newest homeowner.
57
00:03:14,384 --> 00:03:15,652
Bought a condo.
58
00:03:15,686 --> 00:03:17,320
Hey. Wait, wait.
59
00:03:17,354 --> 00:03:18,888
That means
you're moving out on me?
60
00:03:18,923 --> 00:03:20,773
Normie, I can't
live with you forever.
61
00:03:20,925 --> 00:03:22,475
Well, you can't do that.
62
00:03:22,509 --> 00:03:24,811
Who's gonna mix
Vera's cocoa?
63
00:03:24,845 --> 00:03:26,045
Who's gonna rub her feet?
64
00:03:26,079 --> 00:03:28,715
Who's gonna talk to her?
65
00:03:28,749 --> 00:03:31,384
Normie, I'm afraid
you're just gonna, uh,
66
00:03:31,418 --> 00:03:33,052
have to pick up the slack.
67
00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:35,271
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Not me.
68
00:03:35,305 --> 00:03:38,307
Maybe I can hire
some high school kid.
69
00:03:44,014 --> 00:03:46,115
Did everybody see that?
70
00:03:46,149 --> 00:03:49,402
Yes, I've started
smoking again.
71
00:03:49,436 --> 00:03:50,937
I've been under
a lot of pressure,
72
00:03:50,971 --> 00:03:53,305
and I needed something
to calm my nerves, all right?
73
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:55,090
And I don't want to hear
any stupid remarks
74
00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:57,126
about yellow fingernails
or kissing ashtrays,
75
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:58,928
and if you use
the phrase "coffin nails,"
76
00:03:58,962 --> 00:04:00,630
you better be a mortician.
77
00:04:00,664 --> 00:04:02,298
Any questions,
comments, snide remarks?
78
00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:03,499
No? Good.
79
00:04:05,035 --> 00:04:08,153
Well, it certainly
has calmed her down.
80
00:04:09,690 --> 00:04:11,073
Uh, excuse me.
81
00:04:11,107 --> 00:04:13,376
You know, I have to apologize.
82
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:15,211
I feel like this
is my fault.
83
00:04:15,245 --> 00:04:16,546
What are you
talking about?
84
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:18,514
Well, obviously you
started smoking again
85
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:19,715
because you got some sort
86
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,618
of pent up sexual
frustration going on.
87
00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:24,154
And I don't think
we have to tell each other
88
00:04:24,188 --> 00:04:26,022
who's responsible
for that, now do we?
89
00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:29,359
Oh. Hey.
90
00:04:29,393 --> 00:04:30,826
Come on, I'm just trying
to help here, you know?
91
00:04:30,861 --> 00:04:32,562
You know what you ought to do,
you ought to come on over
92
00:04:32,596 --> 00:04:35,231
to Dr. Sammy's
Stop Smoking Center.
93
00:04:35,266 --> 00:04:37,666
Today's special
is a free chest exam.
94
00:04:40,553 --> 00:04:42,405
Sam, is this one
of those two-week programs
95
00:04:42,439 --> 00:04:44,507
with a simple two-day follow-up?
96
00:04:53,967 --> 00:04:56,436
Those guys.
97
00:04:58,705 --> 00:04:59,806
Come on in.
98
00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:03,175
Hey.
99
00:05:04,878 --> 00:05:07,980
What a surprise, you guys.
100
00:05:08,014 --> 00:05:11,050
Welcome to Chez Cliff.
101
00:05:11,084 --> 00:05:12,652
Sounds like party central
out there.
102
00:05:12,686 --> 00:05:14,554
Well, I just hope
that they can, uh,
103
00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:16,556
keep up with the
Chairman of the Broads.
104
00:05:19,543 --> 00:05:21,411
Cliffie, I
brought you
105
00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:23,462
the traditional
housewarming gift.
106
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,164
Whoa, six-pack.
Yeah.
107
00:05:25,198 --> 00:05:26,665
Well, a five-pack.
108
00:05:29,636 --> 00:05:32,455
Well, uh, so,
109
00:05:32,489 --> 00:05:34,040
you guys ready
for the grand tour?
110
00:05:34,074 --> 00:05:36,192
Okay. Yup.
111
00:05:36,226 --> 00:05:38,027
Right here we have
the living room.
112
00:05:38,062 --> 00:05:39,628
Mm-hmm.
113
00:05:39,663 --> 00:05:42,131
Right over here
is the bedroom.
114
00:05:42,166 --> 00:05:43,899
Whoa.
115
00:05:43,934 --> 00:05:46,886
Hey, slow down, let me
catch my breath here.
116
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,187
Whoa, almost forgot
117
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,054
the kitchen.
118
00:05:49,089 --> 00:05:50,406
Yeah, I think the
builder did, too.
119
00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:55,127
Let me, huh, put these
beers on ice here.
120
00:05:55,162 --> 00:05:56,362
Yeah, good idea.
121
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,564
It's not too cold
in here, buddy.
122
00:05:58,598 --> 00:06:00,199
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I noticed that, Normie.
123
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,568
I think it's the,
uh, amalgamator valve.
124
00:06:02,602 --> 00:06:04,053
I've been meaning
to strip it down,
125
00:06:04,087 --> 00:06:05,421
check out the
engine, you know.
126
00:06:05,456 --> 00:06:06,823
I think I better
put, uh,
127
00:06:06,857 --> 00:06:08,458
some more Freon in
the regulator, too.
128
00:06:08,492 --> 00:06:09,692
Or else you could just
129
00:06:09,726 --> 00:06:11,911
turn this little dial to cold.
130
00:06:11,945 --> 00:06:15,097
Well, yeah, if
you're... you know,
131
00:06:15,132 --> 00:06:16,716
you want to take
a stopgap approach.
132
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:19,435
Oh, hey, did you notice
the pool on your way in?
133
00:06:19,470 --> 00:06:20,803
Yeah.
134
00:06:20,837 --> 00:06:22,972
So when, uh,
summer rolls around,
135
00:06:23,006 --> 00:06:25,141
and all those girls
are out there
136
00:06:25,175 --> 00:06:27,310
in their French cut bikinis,
137
00:06:27,344 --> 00:06:28,527
I don't have to
tell where I'll be.
138
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,530
Standing right here with
a pair of binoculars?
139
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,197
That's right.
140
00:06:32,232 --> 00:06:33,700
Boy, oh, boy.
141
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:35,367
Hey, thanks for
coming by, you guys,
142
00:06:35,402 --> 00:06:38,905
but, you know, I don't
mean to be rude, but, uh,
143
00:06:38,939 --> 00:06:40,539
I got to ask you
to skedaddle.
144
00:06:40,573 --> 00:06:43,943
I got somebody soft
and sweet with a voice
145
00:06:43,977 --> 00:06:45,811
like a nightingale
coming over.
146
00:06:45,845 --> 00:06:49,548
Who, the busboy from
Melville's is coming over here?
147
00:06:49,582 --> 00:06:51,850
No, no, Woody.
148
00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:53,552
Ruben's not
coming over here.
149
00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:56,389
It's a... it's
one of the women
150
00:06:56,423 --> 00:06:57,957
in the building.
151
00:06:57,991 --> 00:06:59,192
Wait a minute, Cliffie.
152
00:06:59,226 --> 00:07:01,127
Are we actually
talking a female here?
153
00:07:01,161 --> 00:07:02,928
Oh...
154
00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:04,763
I mean, a real, live,
breathing woman,
155
00:07:04,798 --> 00:07:09,168
three-dimensional,
no posters, no polyurethane?
156
00:07:09,202 --> 00:07:10,152
Well...
157
00:07:10,186 --> 00:07:13,856
you know, Normie,
Sally is the real McCoy,
158
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,325
and she is one
gorgeous babe, to boot.
159
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:17,960
All right, well,
this I got to see, Cliffie.
160
00:07:17,994 --> 00:07:19,094
Yeah, maybe we
could stick around
161
00:07:19,128 --> 00:07:20,463
and meet your
lady friend, huh?
162
00:07:20,497 --> 00:07:22,030
Uh, no, you know, I, uh,
163
00:07:22,065 --> 00:07:24,933
guys, I really don't think
that's a very good idea.
164
00:07:24,968 --> 00:07:27,520
Well, why don't you bring her
by the bar or something?
165
00:07:27,554 --> 00:07:28,771
Well, you know,
I've been trying
166
00:07:28,805 --> 00:07:30,272
to get the woman
to go out, Normie,
167
00:07:30,306 --> 00:07:31,874
but, uh, she just
wants to stay, uh,
168
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,043
held up here in our
little hideaway.
169
00:07:34,077 --> 00:07:36,745
I guess I'm her...
love hostage.
170
00:07:38,748 --> 00:07:42,150
Well, that's something
I definitely don't care to see.
171
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,822
Okay.
Good to see you.
172
00:07:50,027 --> 00:07:51,493
Hey, if I'm not
down at the bar,
173
00:07:51,528 --> 00:07:54,530
send out a missing
swinger's report.
174
00:07:59,236 --> 00:08:00,937
Oh.
175
00:08:22,209 --> 00:08:24,276
Hi.
176
00:08:26,313 --> 00:08:27,579
Hi, Sally.
177
00:08:27,614 --> 00:08:28,881
Hi.
Hi.
178
00:08:28,915 --> 00:08:29,882
Guess what?
179
00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:31,817
I have great news.
What?
180
00:08:31,851 --> 00:08:33,703
I was named employee
of the month
181
00:08:33,737 --> 00:08:35,304
at the Yarn Barn.
182
00:08:37,775 --> 00:08:39,842
Well, I tied.
183
00:08:41,845 --> 00:08:43,813
That's-that's
really great news, Sally.
184
00:08:43,847 --> 00:08:45,147
I'm really happy for you.
185
00:08:45,181 --> 00:08:47,467
So I was thinking
maybe to celebrate,
186
00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:48,968
we could go out.
187
00:08:51,021 --> 00:08:52,321
I got a-a better idea.
188
00:08:52,355 --> 00:08:55,391
Why don't, uh...
we just stay in?
189
00:08:55,425 --> 00:08:57,577
Oh, Cliff, we've
done that every
night this week.
190
00:08:57,611 --> 00:08:58,911
I was thinking
191
00:08:58,945 --> 00:09:00,146
maybe we could
go to that bar
192
00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:01,714
you're always
talking about.
193
00:09:01,748 --> 00:09:04,317
You're kidding.
That dive?
194
00:09:04,351 --> 00:09:07,320
Uh, you know,
uh, Sally, I, uh...
195
00:09:07,354 --> 00:09:08,988
spend all day, you know,
walking around,
196
00:09:09,022 --> 00:09:10,823
uh, uh, outside,
and, you know,
197
00:09:10,858 --> 00:09:12,658
at the end of the day,
I just like to come
198
00:09:12,692 --> 00:09:14,327
back to my own
little apartment here
199
00:09:14,361 --> 00:09:18,097
and just sort of relax
and take it easy and, uh...
200
00:09:18,131 --> 00:09:20,549
get my tensions relieved,
if you know what I mean.
201
00:09:20,584 --> 00:09:23,719
Yes, I know
what you mean.
202
00:09:23,753 --> 00:09:25,671
I'll get the lights, huh?
203
00:09:25,706 --> 00:09:27,973
Fine, I'll-I'll
just get comfortable.
204
00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:30,526
And I'll,
uh, meet you
205
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,361
on the sofa in
about five seconds.
206
00:09:32,395 --> 00:09:34,563
All right.
207
00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:39,802
Have you got the, uh, you know?
208
00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:42,237
Oh, yeah.
209
00:09:47,227 --> 00:09:50,429
And now, here's the host
of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek.
210
00:09:50,463 --> 00:09:52,715
- Thank you.
- Welcome once again to our show.
211
00:09:52,749 --> 00:09:54,717
We are delighted, of course,
to welcome back
212
00:09:54,751 --> 00:09:57,587
our returning champion,
the lady from Boca Raton...
213
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:02,491
Uh-oh.
214
00:10:02,526 --> 00:10:04,426
Here comes Madame Nicotine.
215
00:10:06,429 --> 00:10:10,165
I just had the most disgusting
morning of my life.
216
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,001
Ooh, can't wait
to hear about it.
217
00:10:12,035 --> 00:10:15,404
I just spent the last hour
at a no-smoking clinic
218
00:10:15,438 --> 00:10:17,907
looking at pictures
of ugly ashtrays,
219
00:10:17,941 --> 00:10:19,742
rooms filled with smoke,
people coughing.
220
00:10:19,776 --> 00:10:23,078
And the worst one
was a cigarette snuffed out
221
00:10:23,112 --> 00:10:25,681
in the yolk of a fried egg.
222
00:10:25,715 --> 00:10:28,234
Mm. Bet that stopped you
from wanting a cigarette, eh?
223
00:10:28,268 --> 00:10:30,402
No, but I think
it's put me off eggs for good.
224
00:10:30,437 --> 00:10:32,104
I'll be in the office,
225
00:10:32,139 --> 00:10:33,805
chewing on my hair.
226
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:34,923
This is going
to be fun.
227
00:10:34,957 --> 00:10:36,124
Carla,
what are you doing?
228
00:10:36,159 --> 00:10:38,543
I am going to
torment her
229
00:10:38,578 --> 00:10:40,095
with this fresh pack
of cigarettes.
230
00:10:40,129 --> 00:10:41,263
No, Carla, you mustn't!
231
00:10:41,298 --> 00:10:43,265
Carla, now, granted,
232
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,966
she's been in rather
a foul mood lately,
233
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:47,069
but Rebecca has made
a serious life decision,
234
00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:49,238
and what she needs now
more than anything else
235
00:10:49,272 --> 00:10:50,939
is encouragement
and support,
236
00:10:50,973 --> 00:10:52,774
and I for one
am not going to fail her.
237
00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:54,810
Oh, Rebecca?
238
00:10:54,844 --> 00:10:56,445
What do you want,
Bone Dome?!
239
00:10:56,479 --> 00:10:58,948
Here, try these.
They're menthols.
240
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,384
Next case.
241
00:11:04,754 --> 00:11:07,390
Dr. Crane,
I-I'm really sorry.
242
00:11:07,424 --> 00:11:09,725
I think I'm just
a little on edge.
243
00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:10,543
Look, I apologize, too.
244
00:11:10,577 --> 00:11:12,361
I behaved
very unprofessionally.
245
00:11:12,395 --> 00:11:13,896
It's just that I'm
really frustrated
246
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:16,031
because I can't seem
to kick this habit.
247
00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:17,583
Well, listen,
may I suggest something
248
00:11:17,617 --> 00:11:19,851
that seems to have worked
for many of my patients?
249
00:11:19,886 --> 00:11:21,337
Changing doctors?
250
00:11:23,923 --> 00:11:26,024
Thank you, Carla, no.
251
00:11:27,176 --> 00:11:28,561
You're engaged right now
252
00:11:28,595 --> 00:11:30,929
in a psychological battle
with your will.
253
00:11:30,964 --> 00:11:31,930
Now, you've got
to bring
254
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:33,799
to the foreground
every weapon available.
255
00:11:33,833 --> 00:11:35,901
Promise yourself
that if you smoke
256
00:11:35,936 --> 00:11:37,269
one more cigarette,
257
00:11:37,304 --> 00:11:40,039
you'll do
the most disgusting,
258
00:11:40,073 --> 00:11:41,840
repulsive thing
you can imagine.
259
00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:44,443
Dr. Crane, I can't
even imagine...
260
00:11:47,514 --> 00:11:49,598
Sam Malone...
261
00:11:49,633 --> 00:11:51,433
if I smoke another
cigarette,
262
00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:53,102
I'll go to
bed with you.
263
00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:09,050
Darn thing's on the blink again.
264
00:12:10,319 --> 00:12:11,553
Excuse me,
265
00:12:11,587 --> 00:12:12,871
Rebecca?
What?
266
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:15,974
Uh, there's a problem
I'd like to talk over with you.
267
00:12:16,009 --> 00:12:18,393
I am really trying
to quit, all right?
268
00:12:18,428 --> 00:12:20,045
Oh, no, no, no,
it's not about that.
269
00:12:20,079 --> 00:12:21,680
It's, uh...
270
00:12:21,715 --> 00:12:23,782
I met this girl.
271
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,385
And?
272
00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:30,155
Oh. People usually
stop me at that point.
273
00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:31,624
Anyway, uh...
274
00:12:31,658 --> 00:12:33,326
night after night
I keep begging her
275
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,561
to come down to the bar
and meet the guys, but
276
00:12:35,596 --> 00:12:36,762
she just won't come.
277
00:12:36,796 --> 00:12:40,566
Just wants to stay at
home and watch Jeopardy.
278
00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:44,253
Uh, I think that maybe she's
a little-little bit ashamed
279
00:12:44,287 --> 00:12:45,254
about the way she looks,
280
00:12:45,288 --> 00:12:47,456
and she's afraid she
might embarrass me.
281
00:12:47,490 --> 00:12:50,059
So, uh, you got
any suggestions,
282
00:12:50,093 --> 00:12:51,060
or what can I do?
283
00:12:51,094 --> 00:12:52,728
Let me see here. Um...
284
00:12:52,763 --> 00:12:55,531
Oh. Have you ever seen
those beauty magazine makeovers?
285
00:12:55,565 --> 00:12:56,932
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Sure, sure.
286
00:12:56,967 --> 00:12:58,934
Well, then what are you
bugging me for?
287
00:12:58,969 --> 00:12:59,935
Oh, wait a minute.
288
00:12:59,970 --> 00:13:01,303
If you ever see me
with a cigarette
289
00:13:01,337 --> 00:13:03,272
hanging out of my mouth,
would you do me a favor?
290
00:13:03,306 --> 00:13:04,006
What's that?
291
00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,607
Kill Sam.
292
00:13:12,565 --> 00:13:17,903
Did you, uh, dab lip gloss
on your eyelashes
293
00:13:17,937 --> 00:13:19,989
so they sparkle
like the North Star?
294
00:13:20,023 --> 00:13:23,208
Yes, Cliff.
295
00:13:23,243 --> 00:13:24,593
I'm coming out now.
296
00:13:24,627 --> 00:13:25,895
Okay.
297
00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:28,764
Listen, don't stand
too close, okay?
298
00:13:28,798 --> 00:13:30,232
Try me from a distance first.
299
00:13:30,266 --> 00:13:31,233
Okay.
300
00:13:31,267 --> 00:13:32,768
All right,
I'm backing up.
301
00:13:32,802 --> 00:13:34,803
All clear!
302
00:13:42,929 --> 00:13:44,847
Wow.
303
00:13:44,881 --> 00:13:47,048
Gee, thanks, Cliff.
304
00:13:48,718 --> 00:13:50,485
Oh, isn't it about time
for Jeopardy?
305
00:13:51,421 --> 00:13:52,855
Huh?
306
00:13:52,889 --> 00:13:55,140
Jeopardy.
307
00:13:55,926 --> 00:13:57,976
Jeopardy.
308
00:13:58,011 --> 00:13:59,278
Uh...
309
00:14:00,913 --> 00:14:02,531
All right. Uh...
310
00:14:02,565 --> 00:14:05,083
Why don't we go out?
311
00:14:05,118 --> 00:14:06,151
Really, Cliff?
312
00:14:06,185 --> 00:14:06,669
Sure.
313
00:14:06,703 --> 00:14:07,753
Great.
314
00:14:07,787 --> 00:14:09,355
Okay. I'll-I'll just, um,
315
00:14:09,389 --> 00:14:11,790
go do a little more blending,
and then we'll go.
316
00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:17,880
I'll just, uh, be out here
317
00:14:17,914 --> 00:14:21,583
on the front porch and catch
a little breath of fresh air.
318
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,289
I got a fox!
319
00:14:47,644 --> 00:14:49,211
Carla, Carla, Carla, Carla.
320
00:14:49,245 --> 00:14:51,096
Ladies room,
ladies room. Please.
321
00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:53,498
No, I'm not following her
in there again, Sam.
322
00:14:53,533 --> 00:14:55,751
I'm one puff away from paradise.
323
00:14:55,785 --> 00:14:56,885
Come on. Please.
324
00:14:56,919 --> 00:14:59,171
There's only so much
polite conversation
325
00:14:59,205 --> 00:15:01,306
you can make
yelling over a stall.
326
00:15:04,994 --> 00:15:07,763
Cliff, this isn't a dive.
327
00:15:07,797 --> 00:15:10,699
Well, no, by a dive,
I meant that, uh...
328
00:15:10,733 --> 00:15:12,367
it was below
street level.
329
00:15:12,402 --> 00:15:13,902
Oh, right.
330
00:15:15,171 --> 00:15:17,806
Yeah, let me introduce
you to my cronies.
331
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,541
but I gotta
warn you first,
332
00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:22,377
they can be a little
bit crude, all right?
333
00:15:22,412 --> 00:15:24,713
Hey, guys.
334
00:15:24,747 --> 00:15:26,548
Va-va-va-voom, huh?
335
00:15:29,318 --> 00:15:31,019
Hello.
336
00:15:31,053 --> 00:15:32,888
I, uh, thought we'd met
all of Cliff's cousins.
337
00:15:32,922 --> 00:15:34,289
Oh, I'm not
his cousin.
338
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:35,690
No, she's my date.
339
00:15:35,725 --> 00:15:36,675
Would you like a
little seat here?
340
00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:37,676
I'll get you
341
00:15:37,711 --> 00:15:39,444
something to drink.
Nice to meet you.
342
00:15:39,479 --> 00:15:40,479
Likewise.
343
00:15:40,513 --> 00:15:41,814
Well, I'll tell you.
344
00:15:41,848 --> 00:15:44,716
She's what guys back down
on the farm where I come from
345
00:15:44,751 --> 00:15:46,785
would call ethereal.
346
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,921
Woody,
347
00:15:48,955 --> 00:15:50,989
where exactly
was this farm?
348
00:15:54,094 --> 00:15:56,929
A couple of beers,
there, Wood man.
349
00:15:56,963 --> 00:15:59,298
You got something
on her, don't you?
350
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,468
You found something
incriminating in her mail.
351
00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:05,937
For God's sake, Cliff,
just ask her for money.
352
00:16:05,971 --> 00:16:08,407
Don't be vicious.
353
00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:10,875
Look, look, look,
is it so hard for you people,
354
00:16:10,910 --> 00:16:12,644
and whatever you are, Carla,
355
00:16:12,678 --> 00:16:15,313
to believe that,
uh, this, uh,
356
00:16:15,348 --> 00:16:17,683
beautiful woman would go out
with me on her own accord?
357
00:16:17,717 --> 00:16:18,784
No, of course not,
Cliff.
358
00:16:18,818 --> 00:16:20,419
I can think
of any number of reasons
359
00:16:20,453 --> 00:16:22,120
why a woman
might behave that way.
360
00:16:22,154 --> 00:16:23,388
You can?
361
00:16:23,422 --> 00:16:25,040
Well, of course,
but remember...
362
00:16:25,074 --> 00:16:26,574
I'm a psychiatrist.
363
00:16:28,495 --> 00:16:30,429
So, hey, w-where's Sammy?
364
00:16:30,463 --> 00:16:33,082
I wanna show him
one gorgeous Bostonian
365
00:16:33,116 --> 00:16:35,284
that slipped
through his net.
366
00:16:35,318 --> 00:16:37,402
He's over there
hauling her in.
367
00:16:38,921 --> 00:16:40,122
Ho! Ahem!
368
00:16:40,156 --> 00:16:41,573
Sammy!
369
00:16:41,608 --> 00:16:44,376
Oh, Sammy.
Oh, young fellow.
370
00:16:44,410 --> 00:16:46,245
Oh-ho, boy.
371
00:16:46,279 --> 00:16:48,247
Oh, Cliff,
do you know each other?
372
00:16:48,281 --> 00:16:49,381
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
373
00:16:49,415 --> 00:16:50,866
Can I have a word
with you, Sammy?
374
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,534
Yeah, see, she's with me.
375
00:16:52,568 --> 00:16:53,719
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
376
00:16:53,753 --> 00:16:55,387
Excuse us, Sally.
377
00:16:55,421 --> 00:16:58,390
Hey, she is one
very pretty lady.
378
00:16:58,424 --> 00:16:59,391
Yeah, thank you, Sam.
379
00:16:59,425 --> 00:17:02,060
Another one of
your, uh, cousins?
380
00:17:02,094 --> 00:17:04,262
She's my date.
381
00:17:04,296 --> 00:17:05,263
Really?
382
00:17:07,082 --> 00:17:08,283
Well, is she, um...?
383
00:17:08,317 --> 00:17:09,217
Well, we think so.
384
00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:11,870
Well,
385
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:13,371
congratulations, man.
Yeah, yeah.
386
00:17:13,406 --> 00:17:15,540
Great. Listen, Sam,
about that over there...
387
00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:16,975
No, I'm sorry. I
want to apologize
388
00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:18,110
if I was out
of line there,
389
00:17:18,144 --> 00:17:19,111
but, well,
the truth is,
390
00:17:19,145 --> 00:17:20,645
you're gonna have
to expect that kind
391
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:21,980
of thing happening
from now on.
392
00:17:23,382 --> 00:17:24,883
What do you mean?
393
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,017
Well, she's definitely
394
00:17:26,051 --> 00:17:27,552
a major-league
looker, there, Cliff.
395
00:17:27,587 --> 00:17:29,888
I mean, guys are
gonna be hitting
on her all the time.
396
00:17:29,922 --> 00:17:32,357
Ah, you don't have
to worry about that, Sammy.
397
00:17:32,392 --> 00:17:35,093
Sally is a one-man woman.
398
00:17:35,127 --> 00:17:36,211
Better check your
arithmetic there.
399
00:17:36,245 --> 00:17:37,712
Hmm?
400
00:17:39,115 --> 00:17:39,764
Ho!
401
00:17:41,868 --> 00:17:43,034
Hey, Sally.
402
00:17:43,069 --> 00:17:44,970
Cliff, look who's here.
It's Jeff.
403
00:17:45,004 --> 00:17:46,572
From 325.
404
00:17:46,606 --> 00:17:47,556
Hey, I-I know you.
405
00:17:47,590 --> 00:17:50,091
You're the guy with
the binoculars.
406
00:17:52,595 --> 00:17:55,396
Uh, Sally, I think
it's, uh, about time
407
00:17:55,431 --> 00:17:56,898
we, uh, vamoose out of here.
408
00:17:56,933 --> 00:17:58,900
You know, Jeopardy's going to be
starting in a little while.
409
00:17:58,935 --> 00:18:00,936
Let's go, Sally.
410
00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:02,671
Listen, uh, Jeff just got
a new Porsche Turbo
411
00:18:02,705 --> 00:18:04,172
and he wants to take me
for a ride.
412
00:18:04,206 --> 00:18:05,740
You don't mind, do you?
413
00:18:05,775 --> 00:18:06,374
Well, uh...
414
00:18:06,408 --> 00:18:08,293
We'll just be gone
a few minutes.
415
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:09,994
You don't mind, do you.
416
00:18:10,029 --> 00:18:10,995
Oh, no.
417
00:18:11,030 --> 00:18:12,347
No, I-I don't mind.
418
00:18:12,381 --> 00:18:14,816
That's fine.
419
00:18:15,635 --> 00:18:18,553
I don't care.
420
00:18:18,587 --> 00:18:20,372
I don't mind at all.
421
00:18:26,729 --> 00:18:29,631
Beer here, Woody.
422
00:18:35,404 --> 00:18:37,205
Excuse me,
excuse me.
423
00:18:37,239 --> 00:18:40,191
What was that lady
doing in there?
424
00:18:40,226 --> 00:18:41,693
Oh, oh, no, no, no.
425
00:18:41,728 --> 00:18:43,695
You know... no, you
don't understand.
426
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:45,530
See, we...
W-Wait a minute.
427
00:18:45,564 --> 00:18:47,532
We have... we have this
little bet between us.
428
00:18:47,566 --> 00:18:48,834
Let me... let
me explain here.
429
00:18:48,868 --> 00:18:52,203
See, I get to go to bed with her
if she smo... Ow!
430
00:18:52,238 --> 00:18:54,740
All right, fine.
431
00:19:00,279 --> 00:19:02,331
Jamie Kelt
is a correct response,
432
00:19:02,365 --> 00:19:04,600
but you forgot to phrase that
in the form of a question.
433
00:19:04,634 --> 00:19:06,735
That's why they call it
Jeopardy.Beer, Sam, please.
434
00:19:06,769 --> 00:19:07,902
Are you okay, Cliff?
435
00:19:07,937 --> 00:19:09,571
However, you get to make
the next selection.
436
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,340
Jeopardy used to be
our show, Normie.
437
00:19:12,374 --> 00:19:13,842
It's just
not the same
438
00:19:13,876 --> 00:19:15,577
watching it
by myself.
439
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:18,980
I just don't know
if I can go on without her.
440
00:19:19,015 --> 00:19:21,265
She's only been gone
for ten minutes.
441
00:19:23,219 --> 00:19:25,337
Yeah, I had to make her
beautiful, Normie.
442
00:19:25,371 --> 00:19:27,673
I've created
a beautiful monster.
443
00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:28,907
What am I going to do?
444
00:19:28,941 --> 00:19:30,691
- What is Paraguay?
- What is Paraguay?
445
00:19:30,726 --> 00:19:35,163
- Right.
- Yeah! All right!
446
00:19:35,197 --> 00:19:37,516
Well, thanks a lot, Normie.
447
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:39,484
- What is Notre Dame?!
- What is Notre Dame?
448
00:19:39,519 --> 00:19:42,787
- That's right.
- Ooh, yeah!
449
00:19:42,822 --> 00:19:45,190
Hey, hey, hey, Carla.
450
00:19:45,224 --> 00:19:47,959
Do you smell smoke?
Come here.
451
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:51,029
Of course I smell smoke,
you dink.
452
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,197
It's a bar.
453
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:55,500
I can also smell beer,
sweat and lousy tips.
454
00:19:55,534 --> 00:19:56,701
No, no, no, no.
455
00:19:56,736 --> 00:19:58,203
No, she's smoking in there.
456
00:19:58,238 --> 00:19:59,872
I knew she couldn't
last this long.
457
00:19:59,906 --> 00:20:01,206
Oh...
458
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,607
A-ha!
459
00:20:04,026 --> 00:20:07,729
Oh, uh... hey, uh,
where's the pool table?
460
00:20:07,763 --> 00:20:10,298
Ah, wrong room.
461
00:20:18,274 --> 00:20:20,241
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew it!
462
00:20:20,276 --> 00:20:22,243
I'm not going to say I knew it,
but I knew it.
463
00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:23,744
I knew it.
464
00:20:23,779 --> 00:20:26,247
Now, this was your idea, too.
I did not come up with this.
465
00:20:26,282 --> 00:20:27,532
This is your idea.
466
00:20:27,566 --> 00:20:29,734
What a great idea! Oh!
467
00:20:32,121 --> 00:20:33,922
Well, what do you say?
468
00:20:33,956 --> 00:20:36,424
Uh, shall we, uh, strip down
to our smiles here
469
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:40,261
and show the, uh...
show the couch here a good time?
470
00:20:40,295 --> 00:20:42,731
No.
471
00:20:42,765 --> 00:20:44,415
We'll go to my place.
472
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:46,751
Excuse me?
473
00:20:46,786 --> 00:20:50,088
Ooh! You're really going to go
through with this, aren't you?
474
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:52,574
Yes, I am, but I want to
get one thing straight.
475
00:20:52,608 --> 00:20:53,308
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
476
00:20:53,342 --> 00:20:54,927
My smoking has
nothing to do
477
00:20:54,961 --> 00:20:57,429
with sexual frustration
over you or anyone else.
478
00:20:57,463 --> 00:20:59,431
It's just a
stupid habit.
479
00:20:59,465 --> 00:21:01,433
But I made a pact,
480
00:21:01,467 --> 00:21:03,535
so now I'm going to
suffer the consequences
481
00:21:03,570 --> 00:21:05,437
no matter how vile
482
00:21:05,471 --> 00:21:08,206
or disgusting
they may be.
483
00:21:09,175 --> 00:21:10,642
Let's go.
484
00:21:10,677 --> 00:21:12,277
Well...
485
00:21:13,679 --> 00:21:16,164
You don't really want
to do this, do you?
486
00:21:17,199 --> 00:21:18,566
No, it's all right.
487
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,769
I'll just close my eyes
and imagine someone appealing.
488
00:21:23,189 --> 00:21:26,491
Besides, I have a feeling
it won't take long.
489
00:21:29,612 --> 00:21:30,846
You know, gee whiz, you know,
490
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,081
if-if you're not going
to get in the spirit of this,
491
00:21:33,115 --> 00:21:34,850
then I-I just don't want
to do it.
492
00:21:34,884 --> 00:21:37,451
No, come on, come on,
a deal's a deal.
493
00:21:37,486 --> 00:21:38,636
No.
494
00:21:38,671 --> 00:21:39,971
Look, I made a pact.
I just want to get it over with.
495
00:21:40,006 --> 00:21:41,472
No, I don't want to do it.
496
00:21:42,808 --> 00:21:44,943
You know, I have some pride.
I have some dignity.
497
00:21:44,977 --> 00:21:45,727
I'll tell you what.
498
00:21:45,761 --> 00:21:48,079
You find someone else
to do your dirty work.
499
00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:50,983
Thinks she can mess
with Sam Malone.
500
00:21:51,017 --> 00:21:52,250
What happened?
501
00:21:52,285 --> 00:21:55,420
She asked me to go to bed
with her, and I said no.
502
00:21:55,455 --> 00:21:56,821
Oh!
503
00:21:59,191 --> 00:22:01,776
Oh, Cliff,
I have never driven
504
00:22:01,810 --> 00:22:03,945
so fast in my whole life.
505
00:22:03,979 --> 00:22:05,947
I had the best time.
506
00:22:05,981 --> 00:22:07,615
Eh, great, great.
507
00:22:07,650 --> 00:22:09,384
So did I.
508
00:22:09,419 --> 00:22:11,319
Cliff, is something
the matter?
509
00:22:11,354 --> 00:22:13,371
No, uh, nothing's the matter.
510
00:22:13,405 --> 00:22:14,572
What could be the matter?
511
00:22:14,606 --> 00:22:17,391
I'll tell you what's the matter,
Little Miss Porsche.
512
00:22:17,426 --> 00:22:18,727
Try to do a girl a favor,
513
00:22:18,761 --> 00:22:20,729
help her become
a little bit more attractive,
514
00:22:20,763 --> 00:22:22,897
and next thing you know,
she's out there...
515
00:22:22,932 --> 00:22:24,432
attracting people.
516
00:22:25,467 --> 00:22:27,401
Is that what's
bothering you?
517
00:22:27,436 --> 00:22:28,903
This makeup?
518
00:22:28,938 --> 00:22:30,972
Is that what all
this is about?
519
00:22:31,006 --> 00:22:33,908
Well, yeah, you got to admit,
before you put it on,
520
00:22:33,943 --> 00:22:36,745
you were a...
521
00:22:36,779 --> 00:22:39,080
a sweet thing
who, uh...
522
00:22:39,115 --> 00:22:40,915
was content to sit
523
00:22:40,950 --> 00:22:43,185
by a dear friend's
side on an evening
524
00:22:43,219 --> 00:22:44,402
and watch a rousing,
525
00:22:44,436 --> 00:22:46,738
wholesome game
of Jeopardy.
526
00:22:46,772 --> 00:22:48,006
So...
527
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,242
all I have to do to make
things right between us is...
528
00:22:51,276 --> 00:22:53,411
take off all this silly makeup
529
00:22:53,445 --> 00:22:56,280
and go back to being
the way I was?
530
00:22:57,316 --> 00:22:59,851
Wow, you... you'd
do that for me?
531
00:22:59,885 --> 00:23:01,452
No way.
532
00:23:03,339 --> 00:23:05,891
I like the way I look in makeup.
533
00:23:05,925 --> 00:23:10,061
Wait till they get a load of me
at the Yarn Barn.
534
00:23:11,731 --> 00:23:13,632
It makes you look
535
00:23:13,666 --> 00:23:16,968
like a... cover girl.
536
00:23:18,004 --> 00:23:20,338
I'm sorry, Cliff.
537
00:23:20,989 --> 00:23:23,908
That's what you're stuck with.
538
00:23:24,610 --> 00:23:28,430
You're just going to have
to learn to live with it.
539
00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:32,233
Well, I guess I'm...
540
00:23:32,267 --> 00:23:34,903
big enough of a person
not to let your appearance
541
00:23:34,937 --> 00:23:36,738
get in the way
of our relationship.
542
00:23:37,673 --> 00:23:39,390
I'm glad.
543
00:23:39,425 --> 00:23:42,227
Besides, appearances
don't matter at all.
544
00:23:42,261 --> 00:23:44,562
Of course they don't.
545
00:23:44,597 --> 00:23:46,564
Like, it doesn't
bother me
546
00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:49,567
that you wear
those funny white socks.
547
00:23:49,602 --> 00:23:51,970
Of course it doesn't.
548
00:23:52,004 --> 00:23:53,739
Or that it looks
as if you trim
549
00:23:53,773 --> 00:23:55,741
your mustache
with a butter knife.
550
00:23:55,775 --> 00:23:57,408
Eh, another
fine example.
551
00:23:57,443 --> 00:24:00,245
Cliff, have you ever considered
joining a gym?
552
00:24:00,279 --> 00:24:03,615
Oh, you ever considered
wearing flats?
553
00:24:04,617 --> 00:24:05,583
I can help you
554
00:24:05,618 --> 00:24:07,786
with that smoking
problem, you know.
40342
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