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1
00:00:00,996 --> 00:00:03,831
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:03,866 --> 00:00:05,867
Woody, here's
your dinner.
3
00:00:05,901 --> 00:00:07,836
Oh, thanks, Carla.
4
00:00:07,870 --> 00:00:11,205
Boy, I'm going to be glad
when I drop this double load.
5
00:00:13,141 --> 00:00:15,076
My veins are killing me.
6
00:00:15,110 --> 00:00:16,411
Your veins, huh?
7
00:00:16,445 --> 00:00:18,179
Yeah, varicose veins.
8
00:00:18,213 --> 00:00:21,115
I had them stripped
twice already.
9
00:00:21,149 --> 00:00:22,300
How do they do that?
10
00:00:22,334 --> 00:00:23,401
Surgically.
11
00:00:23,435 --> 00:00:24,636
They cut a hole
12
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:29,106
in your leg,
and they pull the vein out.
13
00:00:29,141 --> 00:00:30,408
No kidding?
14
00:00:30,442 --> 00:00:34,845
Yeah, it's like pulling
a long, slimy worm
15
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,714
out of you flesh.
16
00:00:36,749 --> 00:00:39,584
Gee, imagine that.
17
00:00:39,618 --> 00:00:42,270
Can you believe maintaining
that postcoital tristesse
18
00:00:42,305 --> 00:00:43,871
is gender oriented.
19
00:00:43,906 --> 00:00:45,607
Do you mind, Dr. Crane?
20
00:00:45,641 --> 00:00:47,041
I'm trying to eat.
21
00:00:55,017 --> 00:00:57,586
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
22
00:00:57,620 --> 00:01:00,589
¶ Takes everything you've got
23
00:01:00,623 --> 00:01:03,424
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
24
00:01:03,459 --> 00:01:06,527
¶ Sure would help a lot
25
00:01:06,562 --> 00:01:11,833
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
26
00:01:11,867 --> 00:01:14,635
¶ Sometimes you want to go
27
00:01:14,669 --> 00:01:19,557
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
28
00:01:19,591 --> 00:01:24,795
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
29
00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:26,797
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
30
00:01:26,832 --> 00:01:29,800
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
31
00:01:29,835 --> 00:01:34,572
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
32
00:01:34,606 --> 00:01:37,708
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
33
00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:39,844
¶ People are all the same
34
00:01:39,879 --> 00:01:44,415
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
35
00:02:02,267 --> 00:02:04,535
Woody, does it look
like we're going to get
36
00:02:04,569 --> 00:02:06,237
a good turnout
for our auction?
37
00:02:06,271 --> 00:02:07,404
Oh, yeah.
38
00:02:07,439 --> 00:02:09,273
I'll bet by now
there isn't anyone in Boston
39
00:02:09,307 --> 00:02:10,541
who doesn't know about it.
40
00:02:10,575 --> 00:02:12,077
What auction?
We're having an auction?
41
00:02:14,296 --> 00:02:16,447
It's terrific.
42
00:02:16,481 --> 00:02:18,149
It's a benefit
for Children's Hospital.
43
00:02:18,183 --> 00:02:19,617
All these women
get together
44
00:02:19,651 --> 00:02:21,652
and they bid
for an evening on the town
45
00:02:21,686 --> 00:02:22,987
with eligible bachelors.
46
00:02:23,022 --> 00:02:25,123
Local celebrities,
athletes.
47
00:02:25,157 --> 00:02:26,757
They raise a lot of money,
they do it every year,
48
00:02:26,792 --> 00:02:27,959
and it's a great deal of fun.
49
00:02:27,993 --> 00:02:29,127
Where'd you hear about it?
50
00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:31,662
I must have been to one once.
51
00:02:31,696 --> 00:02:33,131
Anyway,
I told Mr. Drake...
52
00:02:33,165 --> 00:02:33,864
Who'd you bid on?
53
00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:36,084
I told Mr. Drake
54
00:02:36,118 --> 00:02:37,786
I thought
it would be great publicity
55
00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:39,120
for Cheers.
Who'd you bid on?
56
00:02:39,155 --> 00:02:41,956
And since it's for a good cause,
he agreed...
57
00:02:41,991 --> 00:02:42,791
Who'd you bid on?
58
00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:43,958
A hairy linebacker.
59
00:02:43,993 --> 00:02:45,093
Are you satisfied?
60
00:02:45,127 --> 00:02:46,460
Ooh.
Oh!
61
00:02:46,495 --> 00:02:48,396
Were you?
62
00:02:49,131 --> 00:02:50,414
The point is,
63
00:02:50,448 --> 00:02:53,717
Mr. Drake
thinks it's a great idea.
64
00:02:53,752 --> 00:02:55,586
Woody...
65
00:02:55,620 --> 00:02:58,256
So, Sammy, you going to be
taking part in this auction?
66
00:02:58,290 --> 00:02:59,590
Are you kidding me?
67
00:02:59,624 --> 00:03:00,958
I hate that stuff.
68
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:02,810
It's one thing
69
00:03:02,845 --> 00:03:04,562
for guys
to bid on chicks, but...
70
00:03:04,596 --> 00:03:06,364
that's sick.
71
00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:10,634
You know, as a matter of fact...
72
00:03:10,669 --> 00:03:11,702
Here you go.
73
00:03:11,736 --> 00:03:12,870
Excuse me.
74
00:03:12,904 --> 00:03:15,106
Listen, I'm going to save
you the embarrassment
75
00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:16,874
of asking and then
being turned down.
76
00:03:16,908 --> 00:03:18,742
I'm not going to be
doing your auction.
77
00:03:18,777 --> 00:03:20,511
So just forget
it. No way.
78
00:03:20,545 --> 00:03:21,645
Not me.
79
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:22,847
Fine.
80
00:03:22,881 --> 00:03:24,882
We need to create
a stage.
81
00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:26,084
I think right there
82
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:27,318
as you walk in the door...
83
00:03:27,353 --> 00:03:28,987
Hey, what's "fine"
supposed to mean?
84
00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:31,922
Well, it means I hadn't planned
to ask you in the first place.
85
00:03:31,957 --> 00:03:33,124
Oh, well, good, good.
86
00:03:33,158 --> 00:03:35,559
'Cause I really don't
care for that stuff.
87
00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:36,560
All right.
88
00:03:36,595 --> 00:03:38,396
We need a podium.
89
00:03:38,430 --> 00:03:39,530
Because the emcee
is going to be
90
00:03:39,564 --> 00:03:40,598
standing at the podium,
91
00:03:40,632 --> 00:03:41,932
and all the women
will be standing around...
92
00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,234
Excuse me, one
more time here.
93
00:03:43,268 --> 00:03:44,235
Why...
94
00:03:44,269 --> 00:03:46,570
why hadn't you planned
on asking me?
95
00:03:46,605 --> 00:03:48,272
Well, I guess
I just don't find you
96
00:03:48,307 --> 00:03:50,274
as irresistible as some do.
97
00:03:50,309 --> 00:03:52,776
You, for instance.
98
00:03:52,811 --> 00:03:55,779
But if you want to participate,
you're perfectly welcome...
99
00:03:55,814 --> 00:03:57,281
No, hey, forget it.
100
00:03:57,316 --> 00:03:58,383
I'm sorry.
101
00:03:58,417 --> 00:04:00,151
It doesn't matter to me
either way.
102
00:04:00,185 --> 00:04:02,587
I'm only doing this
for charity.
103
00:04:02,621 --> 00:04:05,856
You know, Vera has that
carved on our headboard.
104
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:09,760
So we're agreed then, right?
105
00:04:09,795 --> 00:04:11,729
Just plain simple
gold wedding bands.
106
00:04:11,763 --> 00:04:13,898
With an exquisite
marquise diamond on mine
107
00:04:13,932 --> 00:04:15,233
so we can
tell them apart.
108
00:04:15,267 --> 00:04:16,568
You give me such glee.
109
00:04:16,602 --> 00:04:17,735
Here we are.
110
00:04:17,769 --> 00:04:19,070
Sit here, my betrothed.
111
00:04:19,104 --> 00:04:20,572
I'll go get us
something to drink,
112
00:04:20,606 --> 00:04:23,040
and, oh, uh, exchange
a few lies with my buds.
113
00:04:23,075 --> 00:04:24,108
I understand.
114
00:04:24,142 --> 00:04:25,843
Your daily dose
of male bonding.
115
00:04:25,877 --> 00:04:27,345
Well, not for
much longer.
116
00:04:27,379 --> 00:04:30,081
You know what's are breaking
up that old gang of mine.
117
00:04:30,115 --> 00:04:33,517
As a guess, I'd say
hypertension and cirrhosis.
118
00:04:35,905 --> 00:04:38,072
You're irrepressible.
119
00:04:40,375 --> 00:04:42,977
Sam, champagne, please.
120
00:04:43,011 --> 00:04:44,813
Ah, guys.
121
00:04:44,847 --> 00:04:46,915
Norm, Cliff.
122
00:04:46,949 --> 00:04:48,883
Won't be long now
before the boys of the bar
123
00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:50,685
are going to have to manage
without me.
124
00:04:50,719 --> 00:04:52,086
Can do.
125
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,888
Yeah, no sweat, Fras.
126
00:04:56,859 --> 00:04:59,060
Champagne, huh?
127
00:04:59,094 --> 00:05:01,228
Well, wild romance
is a fictive term
128
00:05:01,263 --> 00:05:02,396
with no correlation
129
00:05:02,431 --> 00:05:04,632
to any actual
physiological behavior.
130
00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:07,068
We, nevertheless,
like to humor convention
131
00:05:07,102 --> 00:05:10,104
by going through
with these preposterous rituals.
132
00:05:12,107 --> 00:05:14,642
Champagne, huh?
133
00:05:16,311 --> 00:05:19,246
Hey, Frasier,
can I ask you something?
134
00:05:19,281 --> 00:05:21,032
When you and Lilith
wake up in the morning,
135
00:05:21,066 --> 00:05:22,733
which one of you
is the first to scream,
136
00:05:22,768 --> 00:05:24,202
"What have I done?"
137
00:05:29,691 --> 00:05:31,592
Well, my darling,
138
00:05:31,626 --> 00:05:32,393
to us.
139
00:05:32,427 --> 00:05:33,944
Thank you, darling.
140
00:05:36,014 --> 00:05:37,915
It's been a lovely evening.
141
00:05:37,949 --> 00:05:41,085
You've revealed
previously unsuspected depths
142
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,353
of romanticism.
143
00:05:42,387 --> 00:05:43,754
Well, Lilith, we have
a whole lifetime
144
00:05:43,788 --> 00:05:45,089
of romantic evenings
ahead of us,
145
00:05:45,124 --> 00:05:46,257
but for now,
we've got to plan.
146
00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:47,492
We don't have much time.
147
00:05:47,526 --> 00:05:49,360
We've got to get
the wedding license,
148
00:05:49,394 --> 00:05:50,995
have blood tests,
see the lawyer
149
00:05:51,029 --> 00:05:52,663
draw up the
prenuptial agreement,
150
00:05:52,697 --> 00:05:53,931
invite the guests...
151
00:05:53,965 --> 00:05:54,999
Excuse me.
152
00:05:56,535 --> 00:05:58,969
What prenuptial agreement?
153
00:05:59,004 --> 00:06:02,039
Well, wherein we decide what
you are or are not entitled to
154
00:06:02,074 --> 00:06:03,373
in event of a divorce.
155
00:06:03,408 --> 00:06:04,508
It's merely a safeguard.
156
00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:06,761
You're already
planning for the divorce?
157
00:06:06,795 --> 00:06:10,414
Have you selected
my cemetery plot also?
158
00:06:10,448 --> 00:06:11,382
Well, assuming we stay together,
159
00:06:11,417 --> 00:06:13,984
you'll be right between me
and Cousin Lemuel.
160
00:06:14,019 --> 00:06:16,053
I cannot believe my ears.
161
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:18,506
This is your idea of romance?
162
00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:20,724
Lilith, man does not live
by romance alone.
163
00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:22,693
He also needs hardheaded
practicality.
164
00:06:22,727 --> 00:06:25,796
If your head was any harder,
it would etch glass.
165
00:06:26,648 --> 00:06:27,898
Where are you going?
166
00:06:27,933 --> 00:06:29,066
I have no intention
167
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:30,368
of spending the rest
of the evening,
168
00:06:30,402 --> 00:06:32,287
let alone
the rest of my life,
169
00:06:32,321 --> 00:06:35,272
with a compulsive,
anal retentive, chowderhead.
170
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,392
Now, Lilith,
171
00:06:37,426 --> 00:06:39,260
let's just both stop right now
172
00:06:39,294 --> 00:06:41,879
before we say something
to spoil the mood.
173
00:06:41,913 --> 00:06:45,183
Why don't you go
make love to your accountant.
174
00:06:46,751 --> 00:06:48,752
You know, if more people
followed that advice,
175
00:06:48,787 --> 00:06:51,556
this world would be
such a happier place.
176
00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:54,408
You know,
I just figured out
177
00:06:54,443 --> 00:06:55,743
what you're doing here.
178
00:06:55,777 --> 00:06:57,578
You're using
reverse psychology.
179
00:06:57,613 --> 00:07:00,248
You really want me to be
in that auction of yours,
180
00:07:00,282 --> 00:07:01,682
so you're pretending
that you don't,
181
00:07:01,717 --> 00:07:03,150
am I right?
182
00:07:03,184 --> 00:07:05,052
I don't care
if you're in the auction.
183
00:07:06,388 --> 00:07:08,856
I don't care
if you're not in the auction.
184
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:10,391
Yeah, right.
185
00:07:10,425 --> 00:07:13,193
I have never felt
more honestly and passionately
186
00:07:13,228 --> 00:07:15,696
indifferent
about anything in my life.
187
00:07:15,731 --> 00:07:18,366
I really don't care.
188
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,234
All right, okay, you win.
189
00:07:20,269 --> 00:07:22,536
I'm volunteering, all right?
190
00:07:29,094 --> 00:07:30,727
150. Do I hear 200?
191
00:07:30,762 --> 00:07:31,762
200.
192
00:07:31,796 --> 00:07:32,363
I hear 200.
193
00:07:32,397 --> 00:07:33,398
275.
194
00:07:33,432 --> 00:07:34,432
Three.
195
00:07:34,466 --> 00:07:35,767
Okay, I have 300.
196
00:07:35,801 --> 00:07:37,535
Anybody give me 350?
I want 350.
197
00:07:37,569 --> 00:07:38,936
No. Okay,
198
00:07:38,970 --> 00:07:39,937
300 it is.
199
00:07:39,971 --> 00:07:41,505
Going once...
going twice...
200
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,507
Sold for $300!
201
00:07:45,810 --> 00:07:47,778
Okay, okay,
I'm going to let you gals
202
00:07:47,812 --> 00:07:50,247
take a breather
while we get the next big hunk
203
00:07:50,282 --> 00:07:52,216
up here on the block.
204
00:07:55,287 --> 00:07:57,604
Boy, oh boy, you can call
me a traditionalist,
205
00:07:57,639 --> 00:07:59,874
call me out of step
with the times,
206
00:07:59,908 --> 00:08:02,025
but I prefer to get my women
the old-fashioned way.
207
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,595
In a plain brown wrapper?
208
00:08:05,631 --> 00:08:06,964
Ah, women.
209
00:08:06,998 --> 00:08:08,682
They can talk all they like
about romance,
210
00:08:08,717 --> 00:08:10,018
but what it really
comes down to
211
00:08:10,052 --> 00:08:12,120
is just pure animal lust.
212
00:08:12,154 --> 00:08:14,788
Is that supposed
to refer to me?
213
00:08:14,823 --> 00:08:18,626
If the shoe fits.
214
00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,962
Things a little strained
between you two?
215
00:08:20,996 --> 00:08:23,031
Oh, why should you ask that,
Sam?
216
00:08:23,065 --> 00:08:26,100
Just because
she's a pigheaded witch?!
217
00:08:28,303 --> 00:08:30,204
So you two kids
set a date yet?
218
00:08:33,992 --> 00:08:35,159
This is great.
219
00:08:35,193 --> 00:08:37,894
We're just $2,000 away
from breaking the record.
220
00:08:37,929 --> 00:08:39,196
How many guys
do we have left?
221
00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:40,030
Just Sammy.
222
00:08:40,065 --> 00:08:41,215
Oh, well.
223
00:08:41,249 --> 00:08:42,550
There's always next year.
224
00:08:43,701 --> 00:08:45,219
$2,000?
225
00:08:45,253 --> 00:08:48,122
Oh, gee, I might actually
have to comb my hair.
226
00:08:48,157 --> 00:08:49,390
Come on, you guys,
227
00:08:49,424 --> 00:08:52,426
there's no way
he can get that by himself.
228
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:55,146
God, if we just had
one more hunk.
229
00:08:56,181 --> 00:08:59,716
All right, all right,
all right.
230
00:09:01,954 --> 00:09:06,190
Mr. Clavin, that is
a really sweet gesture...
231
00:09:06,224 --> 00:09:07,641
but, um...
232
00:09:07,676 --> 00:09:11,179
isn't there some regulation
against, uh...
233
00:09:11,213 --> 00:09:12,814
government employees in uniform
234
00:09:12,848 --> 00:09:14,816
participating in this kind
of a thing?
235
00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:18,352
Oh, that is
a very salient point,
236
00:09:18,386 --> 00:09:21,522
and one which I came
within a hair of overlooking.
237
00:09:21,556 --> 00:09:23,707
I thank you.
238
00:09:23,741 --> 00:09:25,543
I shudder to think
what might have happened.
239
00:09:25,577 --> 00:09:27,344
We all do.
240
00:09:29,381 --> 00:09:31,348
Woody. Woody, what about you?
241
00:09:31,383 --> 00:09:33,116
You're young,
single, cute.
242
00:09:33,151 --> 00:09:35,219
Come on, Woody,
what do you say?
243
00:09:35,253 --> 00:09:36,820
Oh, gosh,
Miss Howe, I...
244
00:09:36,854 --> 00:09:38,055
Oh, come on.
245
00:09:39,591 --> 00:09:40,624
Come on, buddy.
246
00:09:40,659 --> 00:09:42,526
I don't know, I'm going
to have to give this
247
00:09:42,561 --> 00:09:43,727
some very serious thought.
248
00:09:43,761 --> 00:09:44,895
There isn't time.
249
00:09:44,929 --> 00:09:47,064
That's okay. I'm finished.
I'll do it.
250
00:09:47,098 --> 00:09:48,465
Good!
251
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,534
All right, man.
252
00:09:50,568 --> 00:09:53,437
Shucks. I hope I'm
not making a mistake.
253
00:09:53,472 --> 00:09:55,373
Yeah, I know
what you mean.
254
00:09:55,407 --> 00:09:57,741
Being gawked at
and herded around
255
00:09:57,775 --> 00:09:59,043
like a prized pig.
256
00:09:59,077 --> 00:10:02,246
Gee, now that you
put it like that.
257
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,615
Yeah, sounds great.
258
00:10:04,649 --> 00:10:07,418
Now we have a little bonus
for you ladies.
259
00:10:07,452 --> 00:10:10,888
Please welcome
our next eligible bachelor--
260
00:10:10,922 --> 00:10:12,656
Mr. Woody Boyd!
261
00:10:17,695 --> 00:10:19,663
Good evening, ladies.
262
00:10:19,697 --> 00:10:23,834
I happen to be a very good chef,
and your evening with me
263
00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:27,071
will be a wonderful
home-cooked country meal
264
00:10:27,105 --> 00:10:31,342
with all the fixin's
from my native land, Indiana.
265
00:10:31,376 --> 00:10:33,227
And let me
just mention
266
00:10:33,261 --> 00:10:36,263
my special ingredient--
267
00:10:36,298 --> 00:10:37,798
pork.
268
00:10:40,535 --> 00:10:43,837
And please remember,
this is for charity.
269
00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:46,807
Who'll start the bidding
at 100?
270
00:10:46,841 --> 00:10:47,658
$100.
100.
271
00:10:47,692 --> 00:10:49,009
125.
125.
272
00:10:49,044 --> 00:10:51,428
Excuse me. 200.
273
00:10:51,462 --> 00:10:52,629
I have 200.
274
00:10:52,663 --> 00:10:54,632
Do I hear 250?
275
00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:58,502
Uh, you know, I think pork
might actually be out of season.
276
00:10:58,536 --> 00:10:59,503
250!
277
00:10:59,537 --> 00:11:00,537
275.
278
00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:02,173
Three.
279
00:11:03,741 --> 00:11:05,275
I have 300.
Do I hear 325?
280
00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:06,911
I'm going to go
out on a limb here, Cliffie,
281
00:11:06,945 --> 00:11:09,213
and say this is not
her first time in a bar.
282
00:11:09,247 --> 00:11:11,148
I have $325.
Do I hear 350?
283
00:11:11,182 --> 00:11:12,916
350.
284
00:11:12,951 --> 00:11:13,584
375.
285
00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:15,436
Four.
286
00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:16,938
I have 400.
Do I hear 450?
287
00:11:16,972 --> 00:11:18,672
450.
288
00:11:26,114 --> 00:11:27,798
You can't do that.
289
00:11:27,832 --> 00:11:29,065
Okay...
290
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,367
400. Going once...
291
00:11:30,402 --> 00:11:31,569
going twice...
292
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:34,472
Sold to the lady
right over there.
293
00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,694
How do you do?
294
00:11:40,728 --> 00:11:43,797
You better be good.
295
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:47,268
Yes, ma'am.
296
00:11:47,302 --> 00:11:49,436
Uh, will you excuse me
a minute?
297
00:11:49,470 --> 00:11:52,339
I have to do
a couple things before we go.
298
00:11:55,293 --> 00:11:56,560
Cute little gal
there, Woody.
299
00:11:58,964 --> 00:12:01,632
Is it me,
or is she a little scary?
300
00:12:01,666 --> 00:12:02,900
Woody,
301
00:12:02,934 --> 00:12:06,770
the electric chair
is a little scary.
302
00:12:06,805 --> 00:12:08,956
Hey, you know, um,
400's not bad.
303
00:12:08,990 --> 00:12:11,058
Now Sam only has
to reach 1,600
304
00:12:11,092 --> 00:12:12,393
to break the record.
305
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:16,096
The day any woman
pays 1,600 for Malone,
306
00:12:16,131 --> 00:12:19,066
I'll tattoo his name
on my butt.
307
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,534
Sammy,
308
00:12:20,568 --> 00:12:22,769
quick,
loan me 1,600 bucks.
309
00:12:26,374 --> 00:12:28,892
And now, our grand finale.
310
00:12:28,926 --> 00:12:32,213
Former Red Sox great Sam Malone!
311
00:12:32,247 --> 00:12:34,414
Come on up here,
Sam. Yeah!
312
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:35,983
The big gun! Whoo!
313
00:12:40,605 --> 00:12:41,772
Thank you, thank you.
314
00:12:41,807 --> 00:12:42,940
Ladies, let's see.
315
00:12:44,309 --> 00:12:46,109
Your enchanted
evening with me
316
00:12:46,144 --> 00:12:48,779
will begin with a
leisurely sunset drive
317
00:12:48,814 --> 00:12:51,582
up to a small,
secluded oceanside inn,
318
00:12:51,616 --> 00:12:53,784
where we will enjoy
319
00:12:53,819 --> 00:12:56,486
a candlelit,
romantic dinner for two.
320
00:12:57,655 --> 00:12:58,989
Yes, yes.
321
00:12:59,024 --> 00:13:01,058
And then this being
the beginning of the weekend,
322
00:13:01,092 --> 00:13:03,293
who knows
where dinner will lead?
323
00:13:04,646 --> 00:13:06,547
Well, okay.
324
00:13:06,581 --> 00:13:08,149
Does anyone
want to start the bidding
325
00:13:08,183 --> 00:13:10,651
at, uh, say, $100?
326
00:13:10,685 --> 00:13:14,388
I meant $250.
327
00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:15,957
$250!
328
00:13:15,991 --> 00:13:17,691
I have 250.
329
00:13:17,725 --> 00:13:18,391
300!
330
00:13:18,426 --> 00:13:19,843
I have $300.
Do I have $400?
331
00:13:19,877 --> 00:13:21,145
500!
332
00:13:21,179 --> 00:13:22,479
We're rolling now!
I see you...
333
00:13:22,513 --> 00:13:24,298
575.
575.
334
00:13:24,332 --> 00:13:26,166
Do we hear $600?
600.
335
00:13:26,201 --> 00:13:27,984
Do I hear 650?
You were saying?
336
00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:29,353
Okay, we have $600.
Come on, ladies,
337
00:13:29,387 --> 00:13:31,721
loosen
those purse strings.
338
00:13:31,756 --> 00:13:33,090
They stopped at $600.
339
00:13:33,124 --> 00:13:34,625
Uh, no problem. $650!
340
00:13:34,659 --> 00:13:37,394
Carla, where are you going
to get $650?
341
00:13:37,429 --> 00:13:38,562
Don't need it.
342
00:13:38,597 --> 00:13:39,696
700.
343
00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:40,731
See? All you got to do
344
00:13:40,765 --> 00:13:42,566
is goose the bidding
a little bit
345
00:13:42,601 --> 00:13:44,101
when it starts going down.
346
00:13:44,135 --> 00:13:46,103
$900!
347
00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:47,237
900!
$900.
348
00:13:47,271 --> 00:13:48,672
Now, do we have 950?
349
00:13:48,707 --> 00:13:50,941
Come on, ladies--
hot stuff here!
350
00:13:54,178 --> 00:13:56,212
I have 900.
Do I hear 950?
351
00:13:56,247 --> 00:13:59,132
That's it;
they're not going any higher.
352
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,401
No problem. 950!
353
00:14:00,435 --> 00:14:01,869
Carla.
I hear 950.
354
00:14:01,903 --> 00:14:03,136
$1,000!
355
00:14:03,171 --> 00:14:04,972
I have $1,000!
356
00:14:05,006 --> 00:14:07,475
You can keep 'em
going all night.
357
00:14:07,509 --> 00:14:08,609
$1,100!
358
00:14:08,643 --> 00:14:09,610
1,100!
We are rolling!
359
00:14:09,644 --> 00:14:10,677
1,200!
360
00:14:10,712 --> 00:14:12,113
1,200!
361
00:14:12,147 --> 00:14:13,914
Do I have 1,250?
1,250, anyone?
362
00:14:13,948 --> 00:14:16,400
Oh, come on,
now, ladies.
363
00:14:17,868 --> 00:14:19,153
1,250!
364
00:14:19,187 --> 00:14:20,487
$1,250!
365
00:14:26,244 --> 00:14:29,180
Well, well, well.
366
00:14:29,214 --> 00:14:30,981
$1,300.
Do I hear $1,300?
367
00:14:31,016 --> 00:14:32,183
That sly Rebecca, huh?
368
00:14:32,217 --> 00:14:34,185
Quite a date
you're passing up, here, ladies.
369
00:14:34,219 --> 00:14:36,253
I said 1,250.
370
00:14:36,288 --> 00:14:38,789
Do I hear 1,300?
371
00:14:38,824 --> 00:14:42,359
Come on, now, ladies.
372
00:14:42,393 --> 00:14:44,195
You heard
the young lady.
373
00:14:44,229 --> 00:14:45,595
Will anyone say 13?
374
00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:46,964
Not me.
I'm out.
375
00:14:46,998 --> 00:14:49,733
She wants him
more than I do.
376
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:51,267
1,250 going once...
377
00:14:51,302 --> 00:14:52,486
No, please, please...
378
00:14:52,521 --> 00:14:54,254
Going twice...
Please.
379
00:14:54,289 --> 00:14:56,272
1,250,
going for the last time.
380
00:14:56,307 --> 00:14:58,492
I bid $2,000.
381
00:14:58,526 --> 00:14:59,226
Sold!
382
00:15:18,693 --> 00:15:20,694
Yes, we broke the record,
Mr. Drake.
383
00:15:20,728 --> 00:15:22,462
Sam, all by himself,
384
00:15:22,496 --> 00:15:23,930
got $2,000.
385
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:27,400
Well, thank you very much.
386
00:15:27,434 --> 00:15:28,601
Good-bye...
387
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,670
Mr. Drake.
388
00:15:30,838 --> 00:15:32,039
Okay, well, here you go.
389
00:15:32,073 --> 00:15:35,075
It's called Larry's
Sanitary Tattoo.
390
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,681
Make sure you
ask for Frank.
391
00:15:40,715 --> 00:15:43,083
He likes to do it
the old-fashioned way.
392
00:15:43,117 --> 00:15:44,751
You'll scream a lot.
393
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,256
What do you think
you're doing?
394
00:15:50,291 --> 00:15:52,258
Helping charity.
395
00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:54,828
Don't worry, it's just
some money I had put aside
396
00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:56,496
to buy you a ring.
397
00:15:58,032 --> 00:16:00,000
You are not actually
going to go off with Sam
398
00:16:00,034 --> 00:16:01,802
to some inn on the
Cape for the weekend?
399
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:02,936
Why not? Did we have
400
00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:04,537
a prenuptial agreement
to the contrary?
401
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:05,605
No, of course not.
402
00:16:05,639 --> 00:16:06,940
Sam,
403
00:16:06,974 --> 00:16:08,625
I understand
we're going to the Cape.
404
00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:10,393
I'll just bring the car around.
405
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:11,795
We can stop at my place,
406
00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:14,097
and I'll throw some things
in a bag.
407
00:16:14,131 --> 00:16:14,781
Actually, Lilith,
408
00:16:14,815 --> 00:16:16,633
you know, that
won't be necessary.
409
00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:19,536
Perhaps not,
but I believe in being prepared.
410
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:21,337
I hope you do, too.
411
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,426
Wha-ho!
412
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:31,131
Sammy, looks like you're going
to get your lobster boiled.
413
00:16:31,165 --> 00:16:32,532
Ah, no, I'm not.
414
00:16:32,566 --> 00:16:34,634
She's just doing that
to bug Frasier.
415
00:16:34,668 --> 00:16:37,904
Well, you know, you could always
trade with Woody.
416
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:46,279
I don't think
her intentions are honorable.
417
00:16:46,314 --> 00:16:48,081
Sam, Sam, I...
418
00:16:48,116 --> 00:16:49,566
I-I've got to talk to you.
419
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,201
You can't go through
with this.
420
00:16:51,235 --> 00:16:53,169
Come on, man, she's
just doing it to
make you jealous.
421
00:16:53,204 --> 00:16:54,471
Oh, God, I'm losing her, Sam.
422
00:16:54,505 --> 00:16:55,706
Oh, would you stop that?
423
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:56,906
You're my friend.
424
00:16:56,941 --> 00:16:58,942
I'm never going to take
a woman away from you.
425
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,176
What about Diane?
426
00:17:00,211 --> 00:17:03,063
And didn't God punish
me with a vengeance?
427
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,302
Well, yes,
but gee whiz, Sam...
428
00:17:09,336 --> 00:17:10,470
Oh, come on.
429
00:17:10,504 --> 00:17:11,972
Listen, wait a minute.
430
00:17:12,006 --> 00:17:13,373
There's got to be...
431
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,641
You know, I'll tell you what.
432
00:17:14,675 --> 00:17:16,476
You know, this ought
to be a chance for me
433
00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:18,211
to bring the two of
you together again.
434
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,345
What do you mean?
435
00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:20,781
Well, all right, l-listen.
436
00:17:20,815 --> 00:17:23,316
I'll pretend to go along
with the date, right?
437
00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:25,451
I'll rent the room,
I'll get some wine,
438
00:17:25,486 --> 00:17:27,687
and then I'll tell
her how great you are,
439
00:17:27,721 --> 00:17:29,489
and then pow, you
burst in on us.
440
00:17:29,523 --> 00:17:32,175
I do?
Yeah. Yeah, why not?
441
00:17:32,209 --> 00:17:33,677
I mean, you
followed us up there.
442
00:17:33,711 --> 00:17:35,679
It'll prove how crazy
you are about her.
443
00:17:35,713 --> 00:17:37,180
She'll be putty
in your hands.
444
00:17:37,214 --> 00:17:39,549
Well, it has a certain panache.
445
00:17:41,368 --> 00:17:42,435
Yeah, here you go.
446
00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:43,536
Here's the address.
447
00:17:43,570 --> 00:17:44,938
Now, uh, be up
there by 9:00,
448
00:17:44,972 --> 00:17:46,940
and, uh, just throw
me out of there, man.
449
00:17:46,974 --> 00:17:48,041
Show me no mercy.
450
00:17:48,075 --> 00:17:49,542
By God,
I'll send you packing!
451
00:17:49,576 --> 00:17:50,844
All right.
452
00:17:50,878 --> 00:17:52,179
Ready to go, Sam?
453
00:17:52,213 --> 00:17:54,247
Yes, yes, you bet,
yes, sirree.
454
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:55,515
Coming.
455
00:17:55,549 --> 00:17:57,417
I'm eager to get somewhere
we can be alone.
456
00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,187
Oh, not half as
eager as I am.
457
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,090
My God, look at that,
Cliffie, will you?
458
00:18:06,093 --> 00:18:08,929
She's smoked about
eight packs of cigarettes.
459
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,730
Where does
all the smoke go?
460
00:18:10,764 --> 00:18:14,434
I'm waiting to see
where it comes out.
461
00:18:16,938 --> 00:18:19,439
You guys got
any last-minute advice for me?
462
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,975
Yeah, leave a trail
of bread crumbs.
463
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,265
A little more bubbly here?
464
00:18:28,299 --> 00:18:29,766
Whatever you suggest, Sam.
465
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,836
I'm agreeable
to anything you suggest.
466
00:18:32,870 --> 00:18:35,505
Ah, well, good, good, good,
because, um, quite frankly,
467
00:18:35,539 --> 00:18:38,175
I'd like to talk just
a little bit more about Frasier.
468
00:18:38,209 --> 00:18:40,243
You know, uh,
one of the, uh,
469
00:18:40,278 --> 00:18:41,845
qualities that I admire
most about him
470
00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:43,079
is his reliability.
471
00:18:43,113 --> 00:18:44,213
He's always
472
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,099
very punctual,
isn't he?
473
00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,634
Frasier, Schmasier.
474
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,269
Let's have some fun.
475
00:18:50,805 --> 00:18:52,238
Heck of a guy, Frasier,
I'll tell you.
476
00:18:53,608 --> 00:18:55,041
A lot of, uh,
remarkable qualities...
477
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:57,894
Uh... you know,
478
00:18:57,929 --> 00:19:02,031
he's, uh, he's faithful,
he-he's devoted...
479
00:19:03,302 --> 00:19:05,168
And he's, uh, musical, too.
480
00:19:05,202 --> 00:19:06,436
Very musical
guy, you know?
481
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,171
He's always, uh,
whistling something
482
00:19:08,205 --> 00:19:09,189
or singing some tune.
483
00:19:09,307 --> 00:19:10,340
Or making that...
484
00:19:10,374 --> 00:19:11,608
that funny little
485
00:19:11,642 --> 00:19:13,860
chirping noise
he makes with his lips.
486
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,630
What are you doing?
487
00:19:17,732 --> 00:19:19,850
It's too bright.
488
00:19:19,884 --> 00:19:21,217
Talk about bright.
489
00:19:21,252 --> 00:19:24,521
I tell you, uh...
490
00:19:24,555 --> 00:19:27,257
Frasier's just about
the brightest guy I've ever met.
491
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:30,160
You don't mind if we turn
some of these back on, do you,
492
00:19:30,194 --> 00:19:32,428
in case we want to read later,
or something?
493
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,698
Hey, you know, Frasier
reads a lot, doesn't he?
494
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,535
Sam, we've talked
enough about Frasier.
495
00:19:38,569 --> 00:19:40,003
Let's talk about you.
496
00:19:40,038 --> 00:19:41,872
Oh, me,
well, I'm just a...
497
00:19:41,906 --> 00:19:44,541
an ordinary guy
who happens to
498
00:19:44,575 --> 00:19:45,809
respect and admire
499
00:19:45,843 --> 00:19:48,578
the hell out of Frasier,
I'll tell you.
500
00:19:48,612 --> 00:19:49,746
Smell good?
501
00:19:49,781 --> 00:19:53,249
You bet; I sniff him
every time he comes in the bar.
502
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,619
Listen to that music.
503
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:59,422
Makes me want to do
uninhibited things.
504
00:20:02,426 --> 00:20:04,227
Well, you know, that just about
wraps up our date here.
505
00:20:04,261 --> 00:20:06,462
Uh, I hope you don't feel
ripped off, or anything,
506
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,264
but I think
we ought to be getting back.
507
00:20:08,298 --> 00:20:10,100
What's your
hurry, sailor?
508
00:20:10,134 --> 00:20:11,601
Well, I just thought that, uh...
509
00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:12,836
All right,
good, good, good.
510
00:20:12,870 --> 00:20:14,003
Yeah,
check around the bed
511
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,139
and make sure you haven't left
anything there.
512
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,875
Uh, then,
uh, you know,
513
00:20:18,909 --> 00:20:20,877
to tell you the truth,
it's getting kind of late.
514
00:20:20,911 --> 00:20:22,511
I'd like to, uh,
I'd like to drive back.
515
00:20:22,546 --> 00:20:23,546
What are you, uh...?
516
00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:25,115
That's very funny.
517
00:20:25,149 --> 00:20:28,985
Lilith, may I,
may I have my keys, please?
518
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,553
Lilith, stop it;
I'm serious.
519
00:20:30,587 --> 00:20:33,256
Lilith, I want my...
520
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:34,724
Lilith, I-I... don't...
521
00:20:34,759 --> 00:20:36,159
I'm very serious, now.
522
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,094
Listen to the
tone of my voice.
523
00:20:38,129 --> 00:20:39,395
Give me my car keys.
524
00:20:39,429 --> 00:20:41,597
Oh, don't...
525
00:20:41,632 --> 00:20:43,432
Why do you want
to go back?
526
00:20:43,467 --> 00:20:46,169
We have
such a nice room here.
527
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:49,639
Nice? I wouldn't
let a dog sleep here.
528
00:20:49,673 --> 00:20:52,909
Maybe the curtains
aren't that bad.
529
00:20:54,912 --> 00:20:57,280
Feel that music, Sam.
530
00:20:57,314 --> 00:20:58,815
Lift me down.
531
00:20:58,849 --> 00:21:01,851
Oh, all right. Oh! Oh!
532
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:04,187
Dance with me.
533
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:06,890
Uh, I don't think
that's such a good idea.
534
00:21:10,661 --> 00:21:12,796
Well, maybe just
a little bit.
535
00:21:15,032 --> 00:21:17,267
Do you know what I always
have the urge to do
536
00:21:17,301 --> 00:21:18,634
whenever I see you, Sam?
537
00:21:18,669 --> 00:21:20,136
Uh, please don't tell me.
538
00:21:20,171 --> 00:21:21,370
Unbutton your shirt.
539
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,173
Oh, oh, well...
540
00:21:23,207 --> 00:21:25,909
Uh, boy, they didn't,
uh, set the clocks back
541
00:21:25,943 --> 00:21:27,576
and forget to tell
me, did they?
542
00:21:27,611 --> 00:21:29,612
Did you read
Lady Chatterley's Lover?
543
00:21:29,646 --> 00:21:31,147
Uh, Lady Chatterley's Lover?
544
00:21:31,182 --> 00:21:33,616
Uh, yes, as a matter
of fact, I did read that.
545
00:21:33,650 --> 00:21:35,118
Or parts of it, at least.
546
00:21:35,152 --> 00:21:36,719
I have the strangest desire
547
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,855
to twine flowers
in your chest hair,
548
00:21:38,889 --> 00:21:40,556
then deflower you.
549
00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:42,425
Listen, Lilith, uh...
550
00:21:42,459 --> 00:21:44,260
Mmm. Mmm.
551
00:21:44,295 --> 00:21:47,163
Oh, boy. Mmm...
552
00:21:52,903 --> 00:21:55,205
Aha! I found you...
553
00:21:57,074 --> 00:21:59,226
...kissing!
554
00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:01,845
Got her all warmed up
for you, there, Fras.
555
00:22:01,879 --> 00:22:04,547
And yourself in the process,
I see.
556
00:22:04,581 --> 00:22:05,849
Oh, come on.
Well, let's
557
00:22:05,883 --> 00:22:07,650
just step outside,
settle this like gentlemen.
558
00:22:07,685 --> 00:22:09,402
Oh, don't be
ridiculous, man.
559
00:22:09,437 --> 00:22:11,404
At least do me the honor
of pulling up your pants.
560
00:22:11,439 --> 00:22:12,539
All right, I will.
561
00:22:12,573 --> 00:22:14,073
All right.
562
00:22:14,108 --> 00:22:15,208
Now, what is going on here?
563
00:22:15,243 --> 00:22:16,443
I might ask you the same.
564
00:22:16,477 --> 00:22:18,545
Look, I'll ask the questions
around here!
565
00:22:18,579 --> 00:22:20,913
Would you two stop sniping,
for goodness sake?
566
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:23,416
Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you look?
567
00:22:28,088 --> 00:22:29,723
You two were actually
going to...
568
00:22:29,757 --> 00:22:30,890
Oh, of course not.
569
00:22:30,924 --> 00:22:32,409
That was only
for your sake.
570
00:22:32,443 --> 00:22:34,944
What? You mean
you knew I was coming?
571
00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:37,214
Frasier, darling,
yin to my yang,
572
00:22:37,248 --> 00:22:39,583
I know your mind
as I know my own.
573
00:22:39,617 --> 00:22:42,018
Of course I knew
you'd come.
574
00:22:42,053 --> 00:22:43,920
I knew you could
do no other.
575
00:22:43,954 --> 00:22:46,255
Besides, I could hear
your muffler behind us
576
00:22:46,290 --> 00:22:48,758
all the way up Route 3.
577
00:22:48,793 --> 00:22:52,595
And what a joke on me.
578
00:22:52,629 --> 00:22:56,966
What a cruel,
wonderful joke on me.
579
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:58,901
Why, Lilith, why?
580
00:22:58,936 --> 00:23:00,070
Because I was angry
581
00:23:00,104 --> 00:23:01,787
about that
prenuptial agreement.
582
00:23:01,822 --> 00:23:03,973
Oh.
And hurt.
583
00:23:04,007 --> 00:23:04,857
Look, I'm-I'm sorry
584
00:23:04,892 --> 00:23:07,260
I ever brought that up
in the first place.
585
00:23:07,295 --> 00:23:10,163
It's just that I've seen
so many failed marriages.
586
00:23:11,632 --> 00:23:13,616
I just wanted some insurance,
I guess.
587
00:23:15,836 --> 00:23:17,120
Of course, I...
588
00:23:17,154 --> 00:23:19,089
I forgot I'm marrying
the perfect woman.
589
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,129
Don't forget
that, Frasier.
590
00:23:26,163 --> 00:23:30,884
And I certainly didn't
mean to hurt you with Sam.
591
00:23:30,918 --> 00:23:33,637
By the way, what took
you so long getting here?
592
00:23:33,671 --> 00:23:35,639
Oh, well,
when I first arrived,
593
00:23:35,673 --> 00:23:37,307
I went to the wrong room.
594
00:23:37,341 --> 00:23:39,509
Uh...
595
00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:41,745
By the way,
we're having breakfast tomorrow
596
00:23:41,779 --> 00:23:44,447
with Jack and Peggy
in number eight.
597
00:23:44,481 --> 00:23:46,983
I'm paying.
598
00:23:47,017 --> 00:23:49,819
Frasier, you dear,
sweet ninny.
599
00:23:51,288 --> 00:23:52,922
I do love you, you know.
600
00:23:52,957 --> 00:23:54,858
And I, you.
42242
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