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1
00:00:01,365 --> 00:00:04,651
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,685 --> 00:00:07,588
Let's just concentrate on
the, uh, left side, okay?
3
00:00:07,622 --> 00:00:08,589
Yeah.
4
00:00:08,623 --> 00:00:09,890
We have a boy.
5
00:00:09,924 --> 00:00:12,492
No, no, wait, wait.
It's a girl.
6
00:00:12,526 --> 00:00:16,496
It's a boy again.
This is weird.
7
00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:18,381
All right, maybe it's a girl.
8
00:00:18,416 --> 00:00:21,151
Still trying to figure
out what Carla is, huh?
9
00:00:23,154 --> 00:00:27,807
No, Cliff, we're trying to find
out what sex my babies are.
10
00:00:27,842 --> 00:00:30,744
See, if the ring goes back
and forth, it's a boy.
11
00:00:30,778 --> 00:00:33,347
If it goes around
in a circle, it's a girl.
12
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:37,984
And if it just dangles there
doing nothing, it's a Clavin.
13
00:00:38,019 --> 00:00:39,919
I can tell you
something
14
00:00:39,954 --> 00:00:43,357
we used to, uh,
do on the farm.
15
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:45,225
We'd take a fresh
laid chicken egg
16
00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:46,893
and we'd put on a spoon
17
00:00:46,927 --> 00:00:48,962
and hold it over
the woman's stomach.
18
00:00:48,996 --> 00:00:51,498
If it dipped down,
it was female, if not,
19
00:00:51,533 --> 00:00:53,200
male.
20
00:00:53,234 --> 00:00:56,203
So how often did you predict
the sex of the babies?
21
00:00:56,237 --> 00:00:58,838
Never. This was to predict
the sex of the chicken.
22
00:00:58,873 --> 00:01:02,543
All right,
you take a spoon, right?
23
00:01:07,315 --> 00:01:09,816
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
24
00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:12,653
¶ Takes everything you've got
25
00:01:12,687 --> 00:01:15,455
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
26
00:01:15,490 --> 00:01:18,625
¶ Sure would help a lot
27
00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:22,095
¶ Wouldn't
you like to get away? ¶
28
00:01:24,031 --> 00:01:26,950
¶ Sometimes you want to go
29
00:01:26,985 --> 00:01:31,754
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
30
00:01:31,789 --> 00:01:36,693
¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
31
00:01:36,727 --> 00:01:39,129
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
32
00:01:39,163 --> 00:01:42,099
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
33
00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:47,137
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
34
00:01:47,171 --> 00:01:49,639
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
35
00:01:49,673 --> 00:01:52,175
¶ People are all the same
36
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:57,080
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
37
00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:13,864
Good afternoon, everybody.
38
00:02:13,898 --> 00:02:16,533
Sam, you got you room
for one more tosspot?
39
00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:18,067
Let me have a beer, will you?
40
00:02:18,102 --> 00:02:19,235
You betcha.
41
00:02:19,269 --> 00:02:20,537
How you been
there, Frasier?
42
00:02:20,571 --> 00:02:23,707
Well, you know how it is for
a psychiatrist this day and age.
43
00:02:23,741 --> 00:02:26,859
Divorces, hopelessness
over financial situations,
44
00:02:26,894 --> 00:02:28,361
rampant paranoia.
45
00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:29,880
Thriving, never better.
46
00:02:29,914 --> 00:02:31,682
Oh, and get this.
47
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,517
I just heard a little bit
of information about
48
00:02:33,551 --> 00:02:35,118
someone with whom
we're all acquainted.
49
00:02:35,152 --> 00:02:37,120
Is it juicy?
50
00:02:37,154 --> 00:02:41,758
Well, yes.
51
00:02:41,793 --> 00:02:43,243
Could it embarrass
someone?
52
00:02:43,278 --> 00:02:44,678
Oh, most definitely.
53
00:02:44,712 --> 00:02:46,045
Is it me?
54
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,113
No.
55
00:02:47,148 --> 00:02:49,783
Spill it.
56
00:02:49,817 --> 00:02:53,553
Well, I had lunch today
with an ex-colleague of mine
57
00:02:53,588 --> 00:02:56,122
who attended
the University of Connecticut
58
00:02:56,157 --> 00:03:00,294
at the same time
as a certain Miss Rebecca Howe.
59
00:03:00,328 --> 00:03:01,428
Now, it seems
that this
60
00:03:01,462 --> 00:03:04,097
particular Rebecca Howe
61
00:03:04,131 --> 00:03:06,783
was known as--
well, let's just say it--
62
00:03:06,818 --> 00:03:09,452
the party girl on campus.
63
00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:12,339
Our Rebecca?
64
00:03:12,373 --> 00:03:16,343
Miss Granite Panties?
65
00:03:16,377 --> 00:03:19,879
The one who goes through life
with her knees bolted together?
66
00:03:19,913 --> 00:03:21,281
It's got to be
a mistake.
67
00:03:21,316 --> 00:03:22,482
Yeah, yeah...
68
00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:25,085
So, does anyone know
what college ours went to?
69
00:03:25,119 --> 00:03:26,853
It wouldn't surprise me one bit
if it was Rebecca.
70
00:03:26,887 --> 00:03:28,688
I don't know.
No, I mean, it's us
71
00:03:28,722 --> 00:03:31,425
quiet, reserved types
who, when properly stimulated,
72
00:03:31,459 --> 00:03:37,064
turn into your average
churning hunk of burning funk.
73
00:03:38,099 --> 00:03:41,034
Now, Cliffie, uh,
74
00:03:41,069 --> 00:03:42,235
can you tell me exactly
75
00:03:42,270 --> 00:03:43,520
at what point in your life
76
00:03:43,554 --> 00:03:45,555
you came to that big
fork in the road
77
00:03:45,590 --> 00:03:48,124
where reality took a left
and you hung a sharp right?
78
00:03:50,911 --> 00:03:53,313
Excuse me, is there
a Cliff Clavin here?
79
00:03:53,347 --> 00:03:56,149
Uh, would Mr. Clavin
know what this is about?
80
00:03:56,183 --> 00:03:57,817
Yeah, I'm a neighbor
of his, Jim McNulty.
81
00:03:57,851 --> 00:03:59,219
His mother
said he'd be here.
82
00:03:59,253 --> 00:04:00,554
All right,
just a minute.
83
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,322
Uh, Mr. Clavin, you here
84
00:04:02,356 --> 00:04:03,690
for a Jim McNulty?
85
00:04:03,725 --> 00:04:05,992
Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.
86
00:04:06,026 --> 00:04:07,793
Uh, you know how it is.
Some guys in bars
87
00:04:07,828 --> 00:04:09,229
don't like you to
know they're here.
88
00:04:10,097 --> 00:04:11,381
Hey, Cliff,
remember me?
89
00:04:11,415 --> 00:04:12,716
Yeah, yeah.
Jim McNulty.
90
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,551
You own a house
down at the corner.
91
00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:17,320
You ever going to take
those Christmas lights down?
92
00:04:17,355 --> 00:04:18,855
Yeah, as soon
as a weekend goes by
93
00:04:18,889 --> 00:04:20,523
you don't have
another garage sale.
94
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,261
Listen, I, uh,
I've been going around
95
00:04:24,295 --> 00:04:25,862
to good neighbors
like yourself
96
00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:27,464
hoping I can get
your support.
97
00:04:27,498 --> 00:04:28,865
Well, uh...
98
00:04:28,899 --> 00:04:30,650
what am I looking at here?
99
00:04:30,685 --> 00:04:32,085
Oh, it's a petition
100
00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:34,320
agreeing not to sell out
to these big developers
101
00:04:34,355 --> 00:04:36,122
who've been trying
to buy up our houses
102
00:04:36,156 --> 00:04:37,156
and build mini malls.
103
00:04:38,342 --> 00:04:39,542
Jimbo, Jimbo, Jimbo.
104
00:04:39,576 --> 00:04:40,576
You know,
new development
105
00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:42,729
only increases property values.
106
00:04:42,763 --> 00:04:46,499
I wouldn't sign that petition
if you beat me senseless.
107
00:04:46,534 --> 00:04:48,101
You know, it
may be too late,
108
00:04:48,135 --> 00:04:50,370
but let's give it a try.
109
00:04:50,404 --> 00:04:53,507
You know, I'll never understand
people like you.
110
00:04:53,541 --> 00:04:56,543
You got no conscience,
no sense of community,
111
00:04:56,577 --> 00:04:59,946
no interest in keeping
our neighborhood beautiful.
112
00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:02,148
If you, uh, want
to beautify the neighborhood,
113
00:05:02,182 --> 00:05:03,483
why don't you stay indoors?
114
00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:05,585
Yeah, at least
I don't live with my mother.
115
00:05:05,619 --> 00:05:08,521
I don't blame you;
I've seen your mother.
116
00:05:08,556 --> 00:05:10,390
Yeah, my mother's a saint.
117
00:05:10,424 --> 00:05:11,458
Yeah-- Saint Bernard.
118
00:05:11,492 --> 00:05:12,959
Oh, yeah?
119
00:05:16,047 --> 00:05:18,481
Forget it.
120
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:23,803
Ah, I'm outta luck.
121
00:05:23,837 --> 00:05:26,439
Somebody's already
using the pool table.
122
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,611
The lady in question.
123
00:05:31,645 --> 00:05:33,480
Sam, Sam, find out
where she went to college.
124
00:05:33,514 --> 00:05:34,547
Yeah, okay.
125
00:05:34,582 --> 00:05:35,648
Afternoon, Sam.
126
00:05:35,682 --> 00:05:36,816
Hey, boss.
127
00:05:36,850 --> 00:05:38,884
How's business today?
Oh, pretty slow.
128
00:05:38,919 --> 00:05:40,787
Me and the guys
just sitting around
129
00:05:40,821 --> 00:05:43,689
talking about where everybody
went to... college.
130
00:05:44,691 --> 00:05:47,027
You were?
131
00:05:47,061 --> 00:05:48,394
Well, I was wondering
what it would be like
132
00:05:48,429 --> 00:05:50,764
to go to... college.
133
00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:53,467
Well,
134
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:55,234
picture a place
with 20,000 people
135
00:05:55,269 --> 00:05:56,970
all acting the way you do.
136
00:05:57,972 --> 00:05:59,138
Sounds like fun.
137
00:05:59,173 --> 00:06:01,842
Listen, uh,
where did you go to...
138
00:06:01,876 --> 00:06:03,844
college?
139
00:06:03,878 --> 00:06:06,813
The University
of... Connecticut.
140
00:06:12,703 --> 00:06:14,570
Am I missing something here?
141
00:06:14,605 --> 00:06:15,555
No, no, no, no,
not at all.
142
00:06:15,590 --> 00:06:17,357
We, uh, we're just, uh,
143
00:06:17,391 --> 00:06:19,559
such big fans of
their football team,
144
00:06:19,594 --> 00:06:21,060
you know,
the fighting...
145
00:06:21,095 --> 00:06:23,129
insurance salesmen.
146
00:06:33,190 --> 00:06:34,274
Boy, oh, boy.
147
00:06:34,308 --> 00:06:36,326
Don't you just love
this Yorkshire pudding, Ma?
148
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,928
That's a real delicacy.
149
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:41,097
The English didn't think so.
150
00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:44,450
Actually, Yorkshire pudding
was invented in the late 1770s
151
00:06:44,484 --> 00:06:45,969
during a beef shortage.
152
00:06:47,154 --> 00:06:49,955
A person could be given
a little bit of beef
153
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,458
and soak up the gravy
with the pudding,
154
00:06:52,493 --> 00:06:55,195
thereby fooling his stomach
into thinking
155
00:06:55,229 --> 00:06:58,498
he was having a fuller dinner
than he actually was.
156
00:06:58,533 --> 00:07:02,551
And you wonder why nobody
asks us out anymore.
157
00:07:02,586 --> 00:07:04,937
So how was your day?
158
00:07:04,972 --> 00:07:06,589
Ah, okay, Ma.
159
00:07:06,624 --> 00:07:09,025
Oh, our neighbor,
Nut Butt McNulty
160
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:10,927
stopped in Cheers today.
161
00:07:10,962 --> 00:07:13,730
He was, uh, circulating
some kind of petition.
162
00:07:13,764 --> 00:07:15,781
The one to stop development?
163
00:07:15,816 --> 00:07:17,350
Yeah.
I signed it.
164
00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:19,952
You did?
165
00:07:19,986 --> 00:07:22,488
Well, who in his
right mind wouldn't?
166
00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:25,642
Besides you, of course.
167
00:07:27,444 --> 00:07:28,945
Ma, we-we-we're
for progress here.
168
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:31,915
If we don't stop these people,
we could lose our home.
169
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:33,533
Well, it's
probably about time
170
00:07:33,568 --> 00:07:35,435
we got out of this
rattrap anyway.
171
00:07:35,469 --> 00:07:36,502
Clifford.
172
00:07:36,537 --> 00:07:38,972
This "rattrap" is where you,
173
00:07:39,006 --> 00:07:42,976
for want
of a better term, grew up.
174
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:47,814
I think it's time somebody
looked at the scrapbook.
175
00:07:49,483 --> 00:07:50,850
Aw, come on, Ma.
176
00:07:50,885 --> 00:07:52,485
Not the scrapbook.
177
00:07:54,121 --> 00:07:57,473
Yes, Clifford, the scrapbook.
178
00:07:58,575 --> 00:08:02,411
Misty watercolor memories
of the way we were.
179
00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:08,635
Oh. Look at this one.
180
00:08:08,669 --> 00:08:09,752
Ah...
181
00:08:09,786 --> 00:08:11,121
No, Ma. I'm not
gonna look.
182
00:08:11,155 --> 00:08:12,755
You're not gonna
get me this time.
183
00:08:14,091 --> 00:08:17,160
Oh, we had fun that day.
184
00:08:18,446 --> 00:08:19,679
Ma!
185
00:08:19,713 --> 00:08:21,314
It is not working.
186
00:08:21,348 --> 00:08:22,948
Oh, I'd forgotten this one.
187
00:08:22,983 --> 00:08:26,051
This has got to be
the handsomest picture of you
188
00:08:26,086 --> 00:08:27,520
I ever laid eyes on.
189
00:08:33,176 --> 00:08:35,077
Which?
190
00:08:35,112 --> 00:08:36,445
Oh, Ma, come on.
191
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,448
My ears are even
covered with acne.
192
00:08:41,168 --> 00:08:42,968
I'm your mother, Clifford.
193
00:08:43,003 --> 00:08:44,804
I'm looking at your soul.
194
00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:50,727
Ah, there's me sliding
down the old banister.
195
00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:52,462
I always
thought you spent
196
00:08:52,496 --> 00:08:54,864
entirely too much time
doing that.
197
00:08:55,799 --> 00:08:57,434
Eh...
198
00:08:57,468 --> 00:09:00,153
Eh, it was fun.
199
00:09:00,187 --> 00:09:02,105
Oh, look, there's
your favorite
200
00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:03,873
hiding place
in the closet.
201
00:09:03,908 --> 00:09:04,874
Yeah, yeah.
202
00:09:04,909 --> 00:09:06,576
You used to be
in there for hours.
203
00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:10,713
Yeah.
204
00:09:10,748 --> 00:09:11,915
Well, that's 'cause
205
00:09:11,949 --> 00:09:14,483
you always locked
the door on me, Ma.
206
00:09:14,518 --> 00:09:16,068
Well, look at the result.
207
00:09:16,103 --> 00:09:18,087
You're a very
polite young man.
208
00:09:19,823 --> 00:09:22,775
Oh, now there's
where we planted
209
00:09:22,809 --> 00:09:25,394
the elm tree in the yard.
210
00:09:25,429 --> 00:09:26,829
Yeah.
211
00:09:26,864 --> 00:09:28,414
Oh, you named
him Elmer.
212
00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:29,615
Mm-hmm.
213
00:09:29,649 --> 00:09:31,784
And look at our
Elmer now.
214
00:09:31,818 --> 00:09:33,720
So tall and strong.
215
00:09:33,754 --> 00:09:35,087
Just like my boy.
216
00:09:35,122 --> 00:09:38,074
Yeah, yeah, I can remember
raising him from a sapling, Ma.
217
00:09:38,108 --> 00:09:39,408
I even carved
218
00:09:39,443 --> 00:09:41,411
my first slingshot
out of his branches.
219
00:09:41,445 --> 00:09:45,949
And cried every winter
when the leaves fell.
220
00:09:45,983 --> 00:09:49,552
Yeah, yeah, that tree is
like a brother to me, Ma.
221
00:09:51,088 --> 00:09:54,057
Just imagine, you know,
something that I planted,
222
00:09:54,091 --> 00:09:56,226
and I nurtured,
is gonna be there
223
00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:58,527
for future
generations to enjoy.
224
00:09:58,562 --> 00:10:04,250
Unless they chop it down
to put up a Jiffy Lube.
225
00:10:04,284 --> 00:10:06,920
Come on, Ma, they wouldn't
do that, would they?
226
00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:10,640
They'll do that
as soon as look at you.
227
00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:15,111
Well...
228
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,497
Oh, Ma, no, they won't.
229
00:10:18,532 --> 00:10:19,498
Oh...
230
00:10:19,533 --> 00:10:20,499
No, Ma...
231
00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:23,469
They're not gonna
cut down my tree!
232
00:10:23,503 --> 00:10:26,139
A-and they're not gonna
touch this house either!
233
00:10:26,173 --> 00:10:28,474
And they're not
gonna take our land!
234
00:10:28,508 --> 00:10:29,675
That's my boy.
235
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,111
Where are you going?
236
00:10:31,145 --> 00:10:34,114
Well, it may sound
a little bit silly
237
00:10:34,148 --> 00:10:36,282
and all, Ma, but, uh...
238
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:39,519
I'm gonna go out there
and sit in my tree.
239
00:10:40,554 --> 00:10:42,304
You got right ahead.
240
00:10:46,193 --> 00:10:47,526
Never fails.
241
00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:55,368
Well, uh,
interestingly enough,
242
00:10:55,402 --> 00:10:58,238
Yorkshire pudding
was invented in the 1700s
243
00:10:58,272 --> 00:10:59,973
during a beef shortage.
244
00:11:01,074 --> 00:11:02,442
All right, stop everything.
245
00:11:02,476 --> 00:11:04,109
I've got a major news flash.
246
00:11:04,144 --> 00:11:06,011
I just had lunch
with Miss Howe's
247
00:11:06,046 --> 00:11:07,447
former college classmate
248
00:11:07,481 --> 00:11:10,817
and it seems that she
had a nickname at UConn.
249
00:11:10,851 --> 00:11:12,184
Give, give.
250
00:11:12,219 --> 00:11:13,636
Well, he wasn't sure
how she came by
251
00:11:13,671 --> 00:11:15,872
this appellation,
but it seems that at some point
252
00:11:15,906 --> 00:11:17,439
during her little
sojourn there,
253
00:11:17,474 --> 00:11:20,727
she became known
as "Backseat Becky."
254
00:11:24,498 --> 00:11:26,232
Boy.
255
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:28,451
What do you
suppose that means?
256
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:31,471
Woody.
257
00:11:31,505 --> 00:11:32,655
What that means
is when Miss...
258
00:11:32,689 --> 00:11:33,923
Cliff, Cliff.
Why don't you
259
00:11:33,958 --> 00:11:37,126
let someone who's
been there, tell it?
260
00:11:37,161 --> 00:11:39,462
Wood, she likes to do
her cushion pushin'
261
00:11:39,496 --> 00:11:41,064
on four wheels.
262
00:11:41,098 --> 00:11:42,732
Miss Howe?
263
00:11:42,766 --> 00:11:43,900
Really?
264
00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:46,135
You know, uh, back
where I come from,
265
00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:47,837
we used to say something
about girls like that.
266
00:11:47,872 --> 00:11:48,671
What?
267
00:11:48,705 --> 00:11:50,439
"Let's date 'em."
268
00:11:56,864 --> 00:11:58,781
Oh, looky here. You know,
something tells me
269
00:11:58,816 --> 00:12:01,283
I'm going to be completelyobnoxious about this.
270
00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:05,621
What's so funny?
271
00:12:05,655 --> 00:12:06,655
Oh, we were just talking
272
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:07,824
about nicknames, you know.
273
00:12:07,858 --> 00:12:09,692
Different funny nicknames
that people have.
274
00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:10,960
Did you ever
have a nickname?
275
00:12:10,994 --> 00:12:12,628
As a matter of fact, no.
276
00:12:12,662 --> 00:12:13,763
Really.
277
00:12:13,797 --> 00:12:14,964
Nothing, huh?
278
00:12:14,998 --> 00:12:17,433
Not a Spark
or Lefty or...
279
00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:18,968
Bubba or something?
280
00:12:19,002 --> 00:12:20,103
Sorry.
281
00:12:20,137 --> 00:12:21,370
Guys, we ought
to give
282
00:12:21,404 --> 00:12:23,305
Rebecca, here, a
nickname, uh...
283
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:24,774
You know, something
that, uh, kinda
284
00:12:24,808 --> 00:12:25,775
fits her personality.
285
00:12:25,809 --> 00:12:27,476
All right.
286
00:12:27,510 --> 00:12:28,795
Kinda dignified.
287
00:12:28,829 --> 00:12:30,596
Kinda businesslike.
288
00:12:30,631 --> 00:12:33,099
Kinda reserved.
289
00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:35,134
Let me think. Oh, yeah.
290
00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:37,303
Anybody?
291
00:12:37,337 --> 00:12:39,055
Backseat Becky!
292
00:12:44,878 --> 00:12:48,347
Gee, that,
uh, that works for me.
293
00:12:50,651 --> 00:12:52,919
I kind of like "Bubba."
294
00:12:54,454 --> 00:12:55,821
Oh, God.
295
00:12:55,856 --> 00:12:58,507
Then you probably know
the whole sordid story.
296
00:12:58,542 --> 00:13:01,311
Well, actually, no.
297
00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:02,511
Well, that's because
there isn't one.
298
00:13:02,546 --> 00:13:04,113
Hey, hey, come on, come on.
Don't worry about that.
299
00:13:04,148 --> 00:13:05,148
Listen, the truth is
300
00:13:05,182 --> 00:13:06,782
I'm looking
to buy a new car,
301
00:13:06,817 --> 00:13:08,884
and I, uh, I need
an expert opinion.
302
00:13:08,919 --> 00:13:10,820
Uh...
303
00:13:10,854 --> 00:13:13,556
now what-what...
what model do you think
304
00:13:13,591 --> 00:13:14,824
has the best rear shocks?
305
00:13:16,994 --> 00:13:20,630
Have you driven
a Ford lately?
306
00:13:22,867 --> 00:13:26,336
I guess she gives new meaning
to the term "four on the floor."
307
00:13:28,505 --> 00:13:30,173
All right, all right.
308
00:13:30,207 --> 00:13:32,442
If you insist
on an explanation,
309
00:13:32,476 --> 00:13:34,177
I will give it to you.
310
00:13:34,211 --> 00:13:35,678
You know how sometimes
as a joke,
311
00:13:35,712 --> 00:13:37,446
you call someone
the exact opposite
312
00:13:37,481 --> 00:13:38,847
of what they really are?
313
00:13:38,882 --> 00:13:40,983
Well, I was really shy
in college,
314
00:13:41,017 --> 00:13:42,752
so my friends thought
it would be a huge gas
315
00:13:42,786 --> 00:13:44,420
to call me "Backseat Becky."
316
00:13:46,757 --> 00:13:49,592
Well, it's simple,
it's, it's logical,
317
00:13:49,626 --> 00:13:51,410
and we don't believe
it for a second.
318
00:13:52,963 --> 00:13:54,463
Wait a minute.
I-I believe her.
319
00:13:54,497 --> 00:13:56,199
Us virgins have
to stick together.
320
00:13:58,702 --> 00:14:00,670
I told you the truth.
321
00:14:00,704 --> 00:14:03,339
If you don't want
to believe it, fine,
322
00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:04,540
just believe whatever you want.
323
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:08,344
All right,
here's the real truth.
324
00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:12,782
I was very aggressive
in college, a real go-getter.
325
00:14:12,816 --> 00:14:16,185
I never took a backseat
to anyone.
326
00:14:19,205 --> 00:14:20,406
No. No, no.
327
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:26,929
No, Mr. Cronin,
I'm not listening.
328
00:14:26,964 --> 00:14:28,331
The case is closed.
329
00:14:28,365 --> 00:14:30,132
I'm not taking
any offers,
330
00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:31,633
and that's final.
331
00:14:31,668 --> 00:14:34,036
I'm sorry if I've
upset you, Mrs. Clavin.
332
00:14:34,071 --> 00:14:36,705
Clifford, would you
tell this gentleman, please,
333
00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:38,241
we're not selling
our house?
334
00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:39,408
I was just
335
00:14:39,442 --> 00:14:40,977
trying to make an offer
on your house,
336
00:14:41,011 --> 00:14:42,245
and your mother
won't listen.
337
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:44,813
Well, that's because
she has got more sense
338
00:14:44,848 --> 00:14:46,315
in her bony little frame
339
00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:47,984
than you have
in your little finger.
340
00:14:49,086 --> 00:14:51,421
Reverse that.
341
00:14:52,906 --> 00:14:56,108
You are not going
to run the Clavins off our land.
342
00:14:56,142 --> 00:14:57,643
I don't care
what you offer us,
343
00:14:57,678 --> 00:14:59,645
you just can't put
a price on love,
344
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:03,566
family and our memories.
345
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,868
Take it or leave it--
346
00:15:05,902 --> 00:15:07,836
$250,000.
347
00:15:07,871 --> 00:15:09,221
$200 and...
348
00:15:09,255 --> 00:15:11,691
Oh, my God,
we're rich.
349
00:15:24,387 --> 00:15:26,422
But Ma, Ma,
you can't do this.
350
00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:28,424
A Clavin cannot be bought off.
351
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:32,077
I'm only a Clavin
by marriage, Clifford.
352
00:15:33,613 --> 00:15:34,480
Oh...
353
00:15:34,598 --> 00:15:36,399
Oh, guys, you gotta help me.
354
00:15:36,433 --> 00:15:38,634
She's going to go
through with this.
355
00:15:38,668 --> 00:15:40,436
Well, why don't you offer
to buy the place back?
356
00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:44,840
Sammy, I don't have
enough money for a down payment.
357
00:15:44,874 --> 00:15:46,109
Wait a minute.
358
00:15:46,143 --> 00:15:48,211
Can either of you guys
lend me $50,000?
359
00:15:49,146 --> 00:15:51,514
I'm sorry, Cliff, you
never paid me back
360
00:15:51,548 --> 00:15:53,215
that million
from last week.
361
00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:54,450
Well, it's been
a pleasure
362
00:15:54,484 --> 00:15:56,285
doing business
with you, Mrs. Clavin.
363
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:57,320
Thank you.
364
00:15:57,354 --> 00:16:00,122
Uh... uh...
365
00:16:00,157 --> 00:16:01,257
There!
366
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:02,624
There!
367
00:16:02,659 --> 00:16:05,194
Now what are you going to do?
368
00:16:05,228 --> 00:16:06,562
Well, first I'm going
369
00:16:06,596 --> 00:16:09,231
to take this contract
down to the office,
370
00:16:09,266 --> 00:16:10,632
and then I'm going
371
00:16:10,667 --> 00:16:12,468
to call my wife
and ask her what I'm supposed
372
00:16:12,502 --> 00:16:13,869
to pick up at the grocery store.
373
00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:18,757
Ah, Ma,
374
00:16:18,792 --> 00:16:20,742
but after all we've
been through together.
375
00:16:20,777 --> 00:16:22,211
Just last night you were saying
376
00:16:22,245 --> 00:16:23,779
how much the house meant to you.
377
00:16:23,813 --> 00:16:25,781
Last night I was poor.
378
00:16:25,815 --> 00:16:27,283
Tonight I'm not.
379
00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:29,785
I never thought
I'd have the chance,
380
00:16:29,819 --> 00:16:31,753
but now
I can go to Florida.
381
00:16:31,788 --> 00:16:33,856
Florida? Oh, for
crying out loud.
382
00:16:33,890 --> 00:16:36,725
Who'd ever want to live
in that stinkhole?
383
00:16:37,343 --> 00:16:39,328
Clifford,
I'm doing this
384
00:16:39,363 --> 00:16:41,864
as much for you
as I am for myself.
385
00:16:41,898 --> 00:16:43,432
You're 39 years old.
386
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:44,933
It's time to cut the cord.
387
00:16:44,968 --> 00:16:47,102
Ma, I am not
leaving that house!
388
00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,271
Clifford...
389
00:16:48,305 --> 00:16:50,606
I am not leaving
that house!
390
00:16:50,641 --> 00:16:54,310
Well, I'm afraid
you're going to have to.
391
00:16:54,344 --> 00:16:56,345
Oh! Oh, yeah, fine.
392
00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:58,414
Go off by yourself.
393
00:16:58,448 --> 00:16:59,948
See how you like it.
394
00:16:59,983 --> 00:17:01,784
After a week of cooking
your own meals,
395
00:17:01,818 --> 00:17:03,619
doing your own dishes,
washing your own hair,
396
00:17:03,654 --> 00:17:04,853
you'll be back.
397
00:17:17,818 --> 00:17:18,917
Oh, well, well, well,
398
00:17:18,951 --> 00:17:22,321
if it isn't the ultimate
driving machine.
399
00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:24,623
Okay, okay, I give up.
400
00:17:25,275 --> 00:17:27,026
Look, I'll tell you
the real story,
401
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:28,160
but it's kind
of personal
402
00:17:28,194 --> 00:17:29,762
so can we do this
in private?
403
00:17:29,796 --> 00:17:30,929
Sure, you bet.
You bet.
404
00:17:30,964 --> 00:17:33,766
Say, if you're
too embarrassed
to say something,
405
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,133
feel free
to act it out.
406
00:17:39,039 --> 00:17:41,007
I was living in a
women's dorm on campus...
407
00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:42,008
Mm-hmm.
408
00:17:42,042 --> 00:17:43,609
...and one night
a fire broke out.
409
00:17:43,644 --> 00:17:44,844
Ah.
410
00:17:44,878 --> 00:17:46,378
Well, I didn't have time
to change my clothes,
411
00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:47,779
so I had to run out
to the parking lot
412
00:17:47,814 --> 00:17:49,014
wearing only a teddy;
413
00:17:49,049 --> 00:17:52,018
black,
but see-through.
414
00:17:52,052 --> 00:17:54,870
All of a sudden,
I was caught
415
00:17:54,904 --> 00:17:56,521
in this fire engine's
headlights.
416
00:17:56,556 --> 00:17:58,140
I didn't know what to do.
417
00:17:58,174 --> 00:18:00,192
I looked all around,
and suddenly,
418
00:18:00,226 --> 00:18:02,128
I spotted this
open convertible.
419
00:18:02,162 --> 00:18:04,730
I climbed in,
and I slunk down
420
00:18:04,765 --> 00:18:06,398
to the backseat.
421
00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:09,735
Suddenly, this
hulking fireman
422
00:18:09,769 --> 00:18:11,804
was standing over me.
423
00:18:11,838 --> 00:18:13,873
He was magnificent.
424
00:18:15,858 --> 00:18:17,943
I looked in his eyes.
425
00:18:17,977 --> 00:18:19,895
I knew what he wanted,
426
00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:21,296
and I wanted it, too.
427
00:18:22,782 --> 00:18:26,869
I peeled off his black
rubber raincoat.
428
00:18:26,903 --> 00:18:29,838
He ripped off my teddy.
429
00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:35,627
I can still feel the
heat on my flesh.
430
00:18:38,265 --> 00:18:40,499
But it wasn't the fire--
431
00:18:40,534 --> 00:18:42,634
it was us.
432
00:18:42,669 --> 00:18:44,670
When it was over,
433
00:18:44,704 --> 00:18:45,971
I opened my eyes,
434
00:18:46,005 --> 00:18:48,457
and I noticed
we weren't alone.
435
00:18:48,491 --> 00:18:52,411
Others had watched
and not said a word.
436
00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:58,233
And that's why I'm known
as "Backseat Becky."
437
00:18:58,268 --> 00:18:59,402
Satisfied?
438
00:19:12,982 --> 00:19:14,750
Thanks for the
story, Carla.
439
00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:17,319
Here's your ten bucks.
440
00:19:21,124 --> 00:19:24,593
Yeah, the $20 one
would have killed him.
441
00:19:26,095 --> 00:19:27,196
So wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
442
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:29,798
Why do they call you
"Backseat Becky."
443
00:19:29,832 --> 00:19:31,834
That will cost
you a hundred.
444
00:19:31,868 --> 00:19:35,370
Hey, you know,
you're kind of a pig.
445
00:19:36,472 --> 00:19:38,373
Maybe we can be friends.
446
00:19:41,044 --> 00:19:42,111
Excuse me.
447
00:19:42,145 --> 00:19:45,480
I've got to find
Norm Peterson.
448
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,683
Does Mr. Peterson know
what this is about?
449
00:19:47,718 --> 00:19:49,185
Never mind.
There he is.
450
00:19:49,219 --> 00:19:51,887
Norman.
Hi.
451
00:19:51,922 --> 00:19:53,122
You got to help me.
452
00:19:53,156 --> 00:19:54,323
I'm desperate.
What?
453
00:19:54,357 --> 00:19:56,592
Cliff's locked himself
in the house.
454
00:19:56,626 --> 00:19:58,094
No, I've tried everything.
455
00:19:58,128 --> 00:19:59,261
He won't budge.
456
00:19:59,295 --> 00:20:00,930
Ours is the last house
on the block
457
00:20:00,964 --> 00:20:03,599
scheduled for demolition,
and that's today.
458
00:20:03,633 --> 00:20:04,800
I'm at my wit's end.
459
00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:06,001
You got to help me.
460
00:20:06,036 --> 00:20:08,003
I'll talk to him.
461
00:20:08,038 --> 00:20:09,455
I'll see what I can do.
462
00:20:09,489 --> 00:20:10,655
Oh, thank you, Norm.
463
00:20:10,690 --> 00:20:12,824
I hope he doesn't
try anything crazy.
464
00:20:12,859 --> 00:20:14,960
The last thing on Earth
I want to see
465
00:20:14,995 --> 00:20:17,796
is my son's face
on the 11:00 news.
466
00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:21,182
There's a whole city out there
that agrees with ya.
467
00:21:08,748 --> 00:21:11,283
...the world's biggest ass!
468
00:21:12,769 --> 00:21:13,735
Clifford,
469
00:21:13,770 --> 00:21:16,138
now take off
those silly handcuffs.
470
00:21:16,173 --> 00:21:18,073
I can't.
471
00:21:18,107 --> 00:21:19,325
I flushed the key.
472
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:21,393
Norman,
473
00:21:21,428 --> 00:21:24,013
go outside and see
if you can find some tin snips.
474
00:21:24,047 --> 00:21:25,030
Ask for Biff.
475
00:21:25,064 --> 00:21:27,165
He loaned us the hard hats.
476
00:21:30,286 --> 00:21:33,789
Clifford, sometimes I
really worry about you.
477
00:21:33,823 --> 00:21:35,874
Look what they did to Elmer.
478
00:21:38,811 --> 00:21:43,481
I'm sorry, dear,
but what can we do?
479
00:21:43,516 --> 00:21:45,150
Come on, Ma,
you're the one who taught me
480
00:21:45,184 --> 00:21:46,484
that if you believe
in something,
481
00:21:46,519 --> 00:21:47,652
if you really want it,
482
00:21:47,686 --> 00:21:49,687
then you're just going
to have to fight for it.
483
00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:51,573
The house is sold.
484
00:21:51,607 --> 00:21:53,042
They're going to tear it down.
485
00:21:53,076 --> 00:21:55,727
Well, then I am going
down with it.
486
00:21:55,762 --> 00:21:58,847
Clifford,
487
00:21:58,881 --> 00:22:03,468
does this house really mean
that much to you?
488
00:22:03,502 --> 00:22:04,769
Yeah, Ma.
489
00:22:04,804 --> 00:22:06,972
Yeah, it really does.
490
00:22:10,777 --> 00:22:14,913
Then it means that much
to me, too.
491
00:22:16,199 --> 00:22:18,733
I don't know what we'll do.
492
00:22:18,768 --> 00:22:19,968
We'll find a lawyer.
493
00:22:20,002 --> 00:22:22,688
We're going to
fight this together.
494
00:22:22,722 --> 00:22:24,322
We'll save our home.
495
00:22:24,356 --> 00:22:26,458
Oh, Ma, together?
Really?
496
00:22:26,492 --> 00:22:28,961
Really, son.
497
00:22:30,713 --> 00:22:31,913
Oh!
498
00:22:33,967 --> 00:22:36,235
What are you
going to with that thing?
499
00:22:36,269 --> 00:22:37,469
Cut your handcuffs off.
500
00:22:37,503 --> 00:22:39,738
Yeah? Well, that's
a little bit dangerous!
501
00:22:39,772 --> 00:22:42,091
What? No, no. I'm wearing
a hard hat. It's okay.
502
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:44,642
A hard hat?
Get that thing away from me!
503
00:22:44,677 --> 00:22:46,244
Cut the post!
504
00:22:46,279 --> 00:22:48,480
Isn't that a little drastic?
505
00:22:48,514 --> 00:22:50,849
No, Ma, I think we're going
to remodel in here anyway.
506
00:23:07,217 --> 00:23:08,250
There.
507
00:23:08,285 --> 00:23:10,719
I think we're going
to beat this thing.
508
00:23:10,753 --> 00:23:12,087
So do I.
509
00:23:12,121 --> 00:23:14,656
Now we're going
to find a lawyer.
510
00:23:14,691 --> 00:23:15,774
Okay.
511
00:23:15,808 --> 00:23:18,377
But first,
I want to treat you boys
512
00:23:18,411 --> 00:23:20,045
to a Popsicle!
513
00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:22,047
Oh, Ma.
514
00:23:23,449 --> 00:23:25,683
What was that?
515
00:23:25,718 --> 00:23:29,021
Ah, probably just a
squirrel on the roof.
516
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,809
Big one.
517
00:23:35,294 --> 00:23:37,262
Uh-oh! Ma!
518
00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:02,637
Imagine...
519
00:24:02,672 --> 00:24:06,691
we got a quarter of a million
for this dump.
37128
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