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1
00:00:02,861 --> 00:00:05,961
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,861 --> 00:00:10,561
I hate this uniform.
3
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,461
It is ugly.
4
00:00:12,561 --> 00:00:15,961
It makes me look like
a beached whale.
5
00:00:15,961 --> 00:00:17,561
And on top of everything
6
00:00:17,661 --> 00:00:20,661
I can't find any earrings
to go with it.
7
00:00:20,761 --> 00:00:22,261
Try some broccoli.
8
00:00:22,261 --> 00:00:23,061
Ha-ha-ha!
9
00:00:23,061 --> 00:00:26,161
I mean it, Sam.
I really hate it.
10
00:00:26,161 --> 00:00:27,061
I used to like it,
11
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,661
but now I'm getting
kind of tired of it.
12
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:31,961
Feel like I'm wearing
the same thing every day.
13
00:00:31,961 --> 00:00:33,761
Listen, I'm not a big fan
of them either
14
00:00:33,761 --> 00:00:35,661
but let's just
give it our best here.
15
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:37,061
Come on. Come on.
16
00:00:37,161 --> 00:00:38,061
Come on, Sam...
No, no, don't...
17
00:00:38,061 --> 00:00:41,761
Can't you just talk
to the Iron Maiden?
18
00:00:41,761 --> 00:00:43,461
Convince her
to get rid of them.
19
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,161
Come on.
Oh...
20
00:00:47,061 --> 00:00:48,761
Miss Howe, uh...
21
00:00:48,861 --> 00:00:50,061
about the uniforms.
22
00:00:50,061 --> 00:00:51,561
Oh, I'm glad
you reminded me.
23
00:00:51,561 --> 00:00:53,461
The dry cleaning plant
is on strike.
24
00:00:53,461 --> 00:00:55,261
Now, we may not have
fresh uniforms
25
00:00:55,361 --> 00:00:56,261
for at least a week,
26
00:00:56,361 --> 00:00:58,161
so I want you to be
extra careful with those.
27
00:01:10,561 --> 00:01:12,761
Oops.
28
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:20,161
Oh, no.
29
00:01:21,261 --> 00:01:22,661
Um...
30
00:01:22,761 --> 00:01:24,461
you guys are going
to get it.
31
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,261
Didn't you hear
32
00:01:27,361 --> 00:01:28,961
what Miss Howe
just got through...
33
00:01:32,461 --> 00:01:34,161
I get it.
34
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,961
Yo...
35
00:01:41,861 --> 00:01:44,361
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
36
00:01:44,461 --> 00:01:47,461
¶ Takes everything you've got
37
00:01:47,461 --> 00:01:50,261
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
38
00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:53,361
¶ Sure would help a lot
39
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:58,661
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
40
00:01:58,761 --> 00:02:01,461
¶ Sometimes you want to go
41
00:02:01,461 --> 00:02:06,361
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
42
00:02:06,361 --> 00:02:11,561
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
43
00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:13,561
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
44
00:02:13,561 --> 00:02:16,561
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
45
00:02:16,661 --> 00:02:21,361
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
46
00:02:21,361 --> 00:02:24,461
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
47
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,661
¶ People are all the same
48
00:02:26,661 --> 00:02:31,161
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
49
00:02:51,561 --> 00:02:53,561
Hi, everybody.
50
00:02:53,561 --> 00:02:54,961
Hey, Dave.
51
00:02:54,961 --> 00:02:56,261
All right.
52
00:02:56,361 --> 00:02:57,961
How are you?
I know who you are.
53
00:02:58,061 --> 00:02:59,061
I've seen you
on the news.
54
00:02:59,061 --> 00:03:00,161
I can't believe it.
55
00:03:00,161 --> 00:03:00,961
Hey, everybody.
56
00:03:00,961 --> 00:03:03,061
It's Dave Richards,
Channel 10.
57
00:03:03,061 --> 00:03:04,261
Channel 13.
58
00:03:04,361 --> 00:03:05,461
Oh, sorry.
59
00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:06,761
Never mind.
60
00:03:09,661 --> 00:03:12,261
Sam, I got a proposition
for you.
61
00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:13,161
No, no, no...
62
00:03:13,161 --> 00:03:14,161
if she's not good
enough for you,
63
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:14,961
I sure don't want her.
64
00:03:16,361 --> 00:03:17,761
No, no, it's nothing like that.
65
00:03:17,761 --> 00:03:18,961
You see,
I have to give up
66
00:03:18,961 --> 00:03:21,561
my TV spot, I on Sports.
67
00:03:21,561 --> 00:03:22,861
They're looking
for a fill-in
68
00:03:22,861 --> 00:03:25,161
for the week and I thought
you might be interested.
69
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:27,261
Boy, sports on TV...
70
00:03:27,261 --> 00:03:29,661
I've never really considered
that.
71
00:03:29,661 --> 00:03:33,361
Think I'd be any good at it?
72
00:03:33,361 --> 00:03:35,261
Who knows? It may turn out
to be a permanent gig for you.
73
00:03:35,261 --> 00:03:36,461
That's how I got my start.
74
00:03:36,561 --> 00:03:38,661
Whoo, boy, I don't know.
75
00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:40,161
Oh, come on, Sam.
76
00:03:40,161 --> 00:03:41,261
Come on.
77
00:03:41,261 --> 00:03:42,661
Every time we watch Dave,
78
00:03:42,661 --> 00:03:45,061
you say, "I can do better
than that stump."
79
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,561
Thank you, Carla.
You're too kind.
80
00:03:49,661 --> 00:03:50,961
Come on, Sam.
81
00:03:50,961 --> 00:03:51,861
You'd be great.
82
00:03:51,961 --> 00:03:53,761
You talk good like me
and you're handsome.
83
00:03:53,761 --> 00:03:55,661
Of course, Sam.
84
00:03:55,761 --> 00:03:57,161
What do you say?
Listen...
85
00:03:57,161 --> 00:03:59,361
if I were you, okay--
and believe me,
86
00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:01,661
not a day goes by
I don't wish I were--
87
00:04:01,661 --> 00:04:03,061
I would take this job.
88
00:04:03,061 --> 00:04:04,361
Sam, look...
89
00:04:05,561 --> 00:04:08,061
It's a lot of fun.
90
00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:09,961
You see, you get
to sit behind this desk.
91
00:04:09,961 --> 00:04:11,261
You don't have
to wear pants.
92
00:04:11,861 --> 00:04:13,761
It's my little joke
on the audience.
93
00:04:16,661 --> 00:04:21,261
I do know sports,
and I'm articulate at that.
94
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,261
Hey, you know something?
95
00:04:22,361 --> 00:04:23,461
I'm going to do it.
96
00:04:23,461 --> 00:04:24,961
All right!
97
00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:25,861
Congratulations.
98
00:04:25,861 --> 00:04:26,561
Thanks, man.
99
00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:27,461
You're on at 11:00.
100
00:04:27,561 --> 00:04:28,561
Wait a minute. Tonight?
101
00:04:28,661 --> 00:04:30,561
Without any preparation
or anything?
102
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:31,861
Sure, I do it all the time.
103
00:04:33,361 --> 00:04:35,961
Look, I want you to get down
to Wardrobe ASAP, huh?
104
00:04:36,061 --> 00:04:36,661
All right.
105
00:04:36,661 --> 00:04:38,061
See ya.
106
00:04:38,061 --> 00:04:39,261
Wait, wait, wait. Whoa, man.
107
00:04:39,261 --> 00:04:41,561
Who do I talk to over there?
108
00:04:41,561 --> 00:04:44,961
A very good friend of mine,
Phil somebody or another.
109
00:04:45,061 --> 00:04:47,961
I forget. Anyway,
I got to get going,
meet my lady.
110
00:04:47,961 --> 00:04:49,161
She's terrific.
Huh?
111
00:04:49,161 --> 00:04:52,561
This time the Dave Machine
is finally settling down.
112
00:04:52,561 --> 00:04:53,761
Well, hey,
congratulations, man.
113
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:57,161
Excuse me.
The alarm just went off.
114
00:04:58,461 --> 00:05:00,161
I make an ungodly
amount of money
115
00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:02,261
and I know exactly
how to use it.
116
00:05:05,761 --> 00:05:07,861
You must be a friend
of Mr. Malone's.
117
00:05:09,661 --> 00:05:10,761
Well, you know
what they say,
118
00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:12,561
"The good-looking ones
travel in pairs."
119
00:05:12,561 --> 00:05:14,061
And, uh,
120
00:05:14,061 --> 00:05:15,761
that's certainly true
in your case.
121
00:05:19,761 --> 00:05:21,261
Do you have the time?
122
00:05:21,261 --> 00:05:23,061
4:30.
123
00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:24,761
Good, 'cause
I just wanted
124
00:05:24,761 --> 00:05:26,561
to remember
the exact moment
125
00:05:26,661 --> 00:05:28,461
I met the biggest jerk
on Earth.
126
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,061
Tough woman, tough woman.
127
00:05:33,061 --> 00:05:34,561
You got that right.
128
00:05:34,661 --> 00:05:36,861
I wear a cup to work.
129
00:05:39,361 --> 00:05:41,161
Well, the pulsating
Dave Machine's history.
130
00:05:41,161 --> 00:05:42,661
All right, man,
take care.
131
00:05:42,661 --> 00:05:43,961
Excuse me, Dave.
132
00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:44,861
Dr. Crane here.
133
00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:46,061
If you're interested,
134
00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:48,161
I happen to conduct
a little session
135
00:05:48,161 --> 00:05:51,161
for narcissists
about once a month.
136
00:05:51,161 --> 00:05:54,061
only show up
if I get an award.
137
00:05:55,661 --> 00:05:57,961
This is the Big Dave Machine
saying good night
138
00:05:57,961 --> 00:06:00,261
and may the sports be with you.
139
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:02,661
You know,
140
00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:04,461
I bet if you held your ear
up to his,
141
00:06:04,461 --> 00:06:05,661
you could hear the ocean.
142
00:06:07,661 --> 00:06:10,061
I'll have to try it sometime.
143
00:06:11,861 --> 00:06:15,061
It, uh, may not
work for you.
144
00:06:18,561 --> 00:06:20,461
Hey, guys,
145
00:06:20,461 --> 00:06:21,661
I'm off to the station.
146
00:06:21,661 --> 00:06:23,361
Listen, do me a favor,
will ya?
147
00:06:23,361 --> 00:06:24,961
Woody, Carla, close up for me.
148
00:06:25,061 --> 00:06:26,061
You know...
149
00:06:26,061 --> 00:06:27,861
Whoa, Sammy, you're forgetting
something
150
00:06:27,861 --> 00:06:29,061
a little important here.
151
00:06:29,061 --> 00:06:29,761
What?
152
00:06:29,861 --> 00:06:31,161
You don't own this joint
anymore.
153
00:06:31,261 --> 00:06:32,961
Oh, boy.
And even if you did,
154
00:06:33,061 --> 00:06:35,261
Field Marshal Howe
wouldn't give you the night off.
155
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:37,361
Yeah, yeah.
Silly me.
156
00:06:37,461 --> 00:06:39,561
What am I going
to do about this, huh?
157
00:06:39,561 --> 00:06:41,161
Sam, may I suggest deception?
158
00:06:41,261 --> 00:06:42,561
Well...
159
00:06:42,561 --> 00:06:44,361
Hold on your horses
there, Frasier.
160
00:06:44,361 --> 00:06:45,361
As a psychiatrist,
161
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,861
isn't it your job
to seek and uphold
the truth?
162
00:06:47,861 --> 00:06:50,061
Oh, get real, Cliff.
163
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:53,061
You know, you got
a good idea there, Frasier.
164
00:06:53,161 --> 00:06:55,061
Yeah. Lying.
165
00:06:55,161 --> 00:06:56,261
I do lying.
166
00:06:56,361 --> 00:06:59,461
Woody, come here. Do me a favor.
167
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,161
When Miss Howe comes out
of the office here,
168
00:07:01,261 --> 00:07:04,161
go down the hall
and call the bar.
169
00:07:04,161 --> 00:07:05,761
I'll answer.
170
00:07:05,861 --> 00:07:06,761
What do I say?
171
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,061
Nothing.
Just stand there
and hold the phone.
172
00:07:09,161 --> 00:07:11,161
Okay, I'll give it
a try.
173
00:07:15,761 --> 00:07:19,861
Um, Miss Howe,
we're running low on napkins.
174
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,861
So order more.
175
00:07:21,861 --> 00:07:23,661
I don't know how many more.
176
00:07:23,761 --> 00:07:25,761
I don't run the bar anymore.
177
00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:29,561
Thank you.
I appreciate this
very much.
178
00:07:31,561 --> 00:07:33,661
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
179
00:07:35,161 --> 00:07:36,261
Cheers.
180
00:07:36,261 --> 00:07:38,061
Yeah, this is Sam Malone.
181
00:07:38,061 --> 00:07:41,161
What? You say
my apartment's been robbed?
182
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,461
Oh, Sammy!
183
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,661
You say
I've been cleaned out?
184
00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:47,361
Well, damn.
185
00:07:47,361 --> 00:07:49,761
Yeah, I guess I could
get over there right away
186
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,361
and maybe expect not
to be back here
187
00:07:51,461 --> 00:07:52,661
for a few hours, huh?
188
00:07:54,461 --> 00:07:57,061
Well, thank you very much.
Thank you.
189
00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:58,461
That was my landlord.
190
00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,961
Do you believe this?
191
00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:01,361
I've been robbed.
192
00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:03,361
What's happening to this city?
193
00:08:03,361 --> 00:08:04,861
Go on, Sammy.
194
00:08:04,961 --> 00:08:10,061
Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!
Go, Sammy, go!
195
00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:17,261
We're a, uh, victim
support group.
196
00:08:18,061 --> 00:08:19,861
I see.
197
00:08:19,861 --> 00:08:23,861
Well, I better hire
a relief bartender.
198
00:08:26,161 --> 00:08:27,161
Hello?
199
00:08:28,461 --> 00:08:30,761
Is there somebody on this phone?
200
00:08:30,861 --> 00:08:32,861
Oh, uh, hi, Miss Howe.
201
00:08:32,861 --> 00:08:36,161
It's-it's me, Woody.
202
00:08:37,761 --> 00:08:40,261
Woody, are you using this phone?
203
00:08:40,261 --> 00:08:43,661
No, no, not really.
204
00:08:43,661 --> 00:08:46,261
What are you doing, Woody?
205
00:08:46,361 --> 00:08:48,861
Oh, I'm just standing here
holding it.
206
00:08:52,261 --> 00:08:54,261
Woody, hang up
the phone, please.
207
00:08:54,261 --> 00:08:56,661
I have to hire
another bartender now.
208
00:08:56,761 --> 00:08:59,561
Oh, no, Miss Howe,
I'm really sorry.
209
00:08:59,561 --> 00:09:01,161
I swear I'll never do it again.
210
00:09:06,061 --> 00:09:09,161
And Keller is scheduled
to be executed on Friday.
211
00:09:09,261 --> 00:09:10,961
I guess he won't be around then
212
00:09:11,061 --> 00:09:14,661
for the Patriots-Buffalo game
this Sunday.
213
00:09:14,661 --> 00:09:16,861
For that and all the sports,
214
00:09:16,861 --> 00:09:19,161
a new member
to the Channel 13 team,
215
00:09:19,161 --> 00:09:22,361
here's former Red Sox pitcher
Sam Malone.
216
00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:26,061
Nice to have you
with us, Sam.
Thank you, Joanne.
217
00:09:26,061 --> 00:09:27,961
I'd just like to say
that you look better live
218
00:09:28,061 --> 00:09:30,361
than you do in person.
219
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,461
Thank you.
220
00:09:32,561 --> 00:09:34,861
Oh, very slick.
Very slick indeed.
221
00:09:34,861 --> 00:09:38,761
Yes. Five bucks says
Sammy has Joanne at 11:00.
222
00:09:39,761 --> 00:09:41,861
Red Sox pitcher Paul Willis
223
00:09:41,861 --> 00:09:44,061
went on the 15-day
disabled list today.
224
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:46,361
Willis has floating cartilage
in his knee
225
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:50,861
and tomorrow will undergo
arthroscopic surgery.
226
00:09:50,861 --> 00:09:53,861
All right! I can't bel...
On his first night!
227
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,161
Club soda,
Woody, please.
228
00:09:57,261 --> 00:09:58,161
Sure, Miss Howe.
229
00:09:58,261 --> 00:09:59,461
Today on This Old House,
230
00:09:59,461 --> 00:10:01,361
we're going to be grouting
counter tile,
231
00:10:01,361 --> 00:10:03,761
so I'm sure you'll want
to stick around for that.
232
00:10:03,761 --> 00:10:06,061
But first, let's go
in the kitchen.
233
00:10:06,061 --> 00:10:07,861
Don't you guys
usually watch sports?
234
00:10:07,861 --> 00:10:09,761
Yeah, well, yeah,
usually, but, uh,
235
00:10:09,761 --> 00:10:12,861
they're going to be putting up
drywall in a minute.
236
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:16,261
The subflooring
is just being laid.
237
00:10:18,861 --> 00:10:21,561
And now for the I on Sportscommentary.
238
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:24,761
You know, the world
is full of negative people.
239
00:10:24,761 --> 00:10:27,361
Okay, so the Sox aren't having
such a great season,
240
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,761
but that's no reason to boo
and say bad things about them.
241
00:10:30,761 --> 00:10:32,561
You know, I don't know
where I heard it,
242
00:10:32,561 --> 00:10:34,761
but I thought you were supposed
to root, root, root
243
00:10:34,761 --> 00:10:36,261
for the home team.
244
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,261
So the next time
you're in Fenway,
245
00:10:38,261 --> 00:10:41,461
you can't yell something nice,
don't yell anything at all.
246
00:10:43,361 --> 00:10:45,561
This has been
just one guy's opinion.
247
00:10:45,661 --> 00:10:46,961
Joanne?
248
00:10:46,961 --> 00:10:48,261
Thank you, Sam.
249
00:10:48,261 --> 00:10:51,061
You've given us all
a lot to think about.
250
00:10:51,161 --> 00:10:52,961
We'll be right back
251
00:10:52,961 --> 00:10:54,761
with the weather
after this message.
252
00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:55,961
And we're clear.
253
00:10:55,961 --> 00:10:58,561
That was quite
a commentary, Sam.
254
00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:00,561
Well, I hope I didn't
offend anyone, you know?
255
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,961
I just feel like
it had to be said.
256
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,961
Mm. Would you mind
a little friendly critique?
257
00:11:03,961 --> 00:11:04,761
No, no. Go ahead.
258
00:11:04,761 --> 00:11:06,161
I know this is the first time
259
00:11:06,161 --> 00:11:08,361
you've done this,
but I think you might want
260
00:11:08,461 --> 00:11:10,361
your commentaries
to be a little more...
261
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,061
Oh, what's the word
I'm searching for?
262
00:11:13,061 --> 00:11:15,061
Interesting.
263
00:11:15,061 --> 00:11:16,361
Interesting. Right.
264
00:11:16,461 --> 00:11:18,761
You know, that gives me
something to shoot for there.
265
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:22,561
Say, uh, there's a
late-breaking story
266
00:11:22,561 --> 00:11:24,161
over at my place
around 12:00-ish.
267
00:11:24,261 --> 00:11:25,761
Care to cover it?
268
00:11:25,761 --> 00:11:28,661
Sorry, I don't do
fluff pieces.
269
00:11:28,661 --> 00:11:33,961
And in five, four,
three, two...
270
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,261
Well, it was a little chilly
coming into work today.
271
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:38,561
Dr. Buzz, what does
our weather look like?
272
00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:41,561
...Not to waste
any of the grout.
273
00:11:41,661 --> 00:11:46,061
Remember, it's nine cents
a ton...
274
00:11:46,161 --> 00:11:48,061
This looks really
fascinating.
275
00:11:48,161 --> 00:11:49,761
Oh, I'll say.
Gee, you should've seen
276
00:11:49,761 --> 00:11:51,461
this guy put the flasher
on the roof.
277
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,461
I'm so sorry
I missed that.
278
00:11:53,461 --> 00:11:57,761
I was watching Sam do the sports
on Channel 13.
279
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:22,067
Sammy!
Our I on Sports!
280
00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:25,967
How was I?
281
00:12:25,967 --> 00:12:27,467
You were great, Sam.
282
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:29,867
Hey, I never found the
scores so fascinating.
283
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:31,567
Yeah, it was pure
Musburger, Sammy.
284
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:32,967
Sammy, it was the
285
00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:34,367
single greatest exhibition
of sportscasting
286
00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:35,667
I've ever seen in my life.
287
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:38,067
And I am not just saying that
in order to get a free beer.
288
00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:39,967
If the spirit
does move you,
289
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,767
Sammy, I take a size 12 sudsy.
290
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:43,667
Hey, thank you, guys.
291
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:47,367
You know, coming from you,
it means a lot.
292
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:51,067
So, Carla...
how was I really?
293
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,367
It was like watching
old people eat.
294
00:12:55,867 --> 00:12:57,667
You delivered the sports fine,
295
00:12:57,767 --> 00:13:00,167
but you got to jazz up
the commentary.
296
00:13:00,267 --> 00:13:02,067
Yeah, yeah, boy, they
said that same thing
297
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:03,067
down at the station.
298
00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:04,567
You know, you got
to talk about something
299
00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:05,867
a little more
interesting than...
300
00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:06,967
rooting for the home team.
301
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:10,167
That's like saying,
"let's all drive safely."
302
00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:12,467
There goes tomorrow's
commentary.
303
00:13:15,367 --> 00:13:17,667
You know, I want to do
so great at this job,
304
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:20,067
but it's kind of tough,
you know?
305
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:23,067
I got to come up with
five opinions a week.
306
00:13:23,067 --> 00:13:26,267
Well, they couldn't
pay me enough.
307
00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:31,267
You know, I'll worry
about this later.
308
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:33,567
Right now I got to get
Rebecca to give me
309
00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:35,367
the rest of my nights off.
310
00:13:35,467 --> 00:13:36,067
No problem there, Sammy.
311
00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:37,567
I don't think
you work here anymore.
312
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,267
What are you talking about?
313
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:41,667
Vampira knows.
314
00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:43,667
She was watching TV
in her office.
315
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:45,767
She has a TV in there?
316
00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:48,967
Yeah, one of those little
tiny ones, like her heart.
317
00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:51,067
Great.
318
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:54,067
Uh, Ms. Howe?
319
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,567
I have a confession to make.
320
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,967
You know that story about
my apartment being robbed?
321
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,467
I made that all up.
322
00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:02,667
No!
323
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:03,767
Yeah, yeah.
324
00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:07,367
Actually, I was down
at Channel 13
325
00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:09,267
doing the sportscast.
326
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:11,267
Hope you're not mad.
327
00:14:11,367 --> 00:14:12,967
Well, you used
to be the boss.
328
00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:15,367
How did you feel when
people lied to you?
329
00:14:15,367 --> 00:14:17,667
Ah, well, I had a rule.
330
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:25,367
When anyone ever lied to me,
they had to go to bed with me.
331
00:14:25,367 --> 00:14:31,767
Well, that's one way to make
sure it won't happen again.
332
00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,567
You know, Mr. Malone,
you haven't been
333
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:34,367
dealing fairly with me.
334
00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:35,467
I know, I know.
335
00:14:35,467 --> 00:14:37,067
I'm sorry.
336
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:39,767
It's just that this...
this means a lot to me.
337
00:14:39,867 --> 00:14:41,667
And now I suppose
you're going to ask me
338
00:14:41,767 --> 00:14:43,167
for the rest
of the week off.
339
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:46,267
Yeah, I know,
it's a lot to ask.
340
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:47,367
No, it isn't.
341
00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:48,767
You're on.
342
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,667
Oh, great.
What, am I fired or something?
343
00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:52,067
Not at all.
344
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:53,967
Look, I figure one of
two things will happen:
345
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:55,967
either you'll do well,
they'll offer you a job
346
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,467
and I'll never
see you again;
347
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:58,767
or you'll screw up,
348
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,367
humiliate yourself
and come back here
349
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:01,867
a crushed
and broken man.
350
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,367
Either way, I win.
351
00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:07,967
Son of a gun,
you do have heart.
352
00:15:07,967 --> 00:15:09,567
Of course I do.
353
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:10,967
Tell me though.
What'd you think?
354
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:12,567
How'd I look out there?
355
00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,267
I've never seen you
look better.
356
00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:15,267
Really?
357
00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:18,267
You should always
be this size.
358
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:21,967
Let me give you
some advice here:
359
00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:24,867
never do this to a guy.
360
00:15:31,967 --> 00:15:33,767
Guys, guys, he's about
to do the commentary here.
361
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,667
Anybody know what
the topic's going to be?
362
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:38,167
Well, no, no, he said
he was going to crank it up
363
00:15:38,167 --> 00:15:39,667
by taking a firm stand.
364
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:42,267
Hey, Woody, wasn't he
rehearsing with you?
365
00:15:42,267 --> 00:15:44,367
Yeah, but he made me promise
not to tell you guys.
366
00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:46,867
It's too exciting.
367
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:51,567
And I don't remember.
368
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,167
Tonight I'm going
to tackle the issue
369
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:55,867
that's tearing
professional sports apart--
370
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:58,967
natural grass
or artificial turf?
371
00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:02,167
Now this reporter's
not afraid to say
372
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:05,367
that he's firmly in favor
of natural grass.
373
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,967
It's softer,
causes fewer injuries,
374
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,367
it looks prettier on TV.
375
00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:13,867
That's just one guy's opinion.
376
00:16:13,867 --> 00:16:15,167
Joanne?
377
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:18,567
Gee, Sam, I heard somewhere
that in an indoor stadium
378
00:16:18,567 --> 00:16:21,067
it's impossible
to grow real grass.
379
00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:24,467
Well, yes, yes, uh...
380
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:28,267
in indoor stadiums,
you have to use the fake stuff.
381
00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,667
And I've heard that some of
the more recent synthetic blends
382
00:16:30,667 --> 00:16:32,167
actually do help
reduce injuries.
383
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:33,367
Oh.
384
00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:38,567
Well, I hadn't heard that, Doc.
385
00:16:38,567 --> 00:16:40,367
That's pretty amazing.
386
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,267
So what are you saying
here, Sam?
387
00:16:42,367 --> 00:16:48,067
Well, I guess I'm saying that
I could go either way on it.
388
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:50,167
So you have no opinion on this?
389
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:53,267
No, I have two opinions.
390
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,967
And that's one guy's opinions.
391
00:17:07,467 --> 00:17:09,967
The Graf-Everett final
may be a good match-up,
392
00:17:09,967 --> 00:17:12,067
but if you ask
this I on Sports,
393
00:17:12,067 --> 00:17:14,067
the fact that
Martina Navratilova decided
394
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,267
to sit this one out...
395
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:21,067
Ooh, to say "Martina Navra-
whoever" without even...
396
00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:24,267
You know, I got a phone call
today from a teenager
397
00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:28,067
saying I was taking advantage
of my status as an ex-ballplayer
398
00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:31,767
and that old squares like me
shouldn't be doing the sports.
399
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:35,367
Well, Corky,
tonight's commentary
400
00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:38,967
is directed right at you.
401
00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:43,167
¶ Time to rap
about a controversy ¶
402
00:17:43,267 --> 00:17:45,667
¶ Gonna take a stand,
won't show no mercy ¶
403
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:48,167
¶ A lot of folks say jocks
shouldn't be ¶
404
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,667
¶ Doing the sports news on TV
405
00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:52,867
¶ I don't want to hear
the latest scores ¶
406
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,567
¶ From a bunch of old
broadcasting school bores ¶
407
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:57,667
¶ So get your scores
from a guy like me ¶
408
00:17:57,667 --> 00:18:00,967
¶ Who knows what it's like
to have a groin injury ¶
409
00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:03,067
¶ G-G-Groin, g-g-groin
410
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:05,867
¶ G-G-Groin injury.
411
00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:14,967
Joanne.
412
00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:18,567
Dr. Buzz, there must be
some weather.
413
00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:25,967
Ah, poor Sammy.
414
00:18:25,967 --> 00:18:28,767
Bet you they fired him
after that display, huh?
415
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:29,867
Yeah, I guess he won't
416
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:32,167
be showing his face
around here tonight.
417
00:18:32,167 --> 00:18:33,567
Would you come into a place
418
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:36,267
where everyone thought
you were a complete idiot?
419
00:18:36,367 --> 00:18:39,467
Never mind.
420
00:18:39,467 --> 00:18:41,567
Well, I suppose he's out
wandering the streets,
421
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:43,967
rapping incoherently.
422
00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:47,367
Yeah, yeah, but
what if he comes in?
423
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:48,867
What are we going
to say to him?
424
00:18:48,967 --> 00:18:51,767
Well, just tell him
he was brave.
425
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:55,767
Yeah, like a kamikaze pilot.
426
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:59,167
Wow, I always wanted
to meet one of those guys.
427
00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:05,467
The stories they
must tell, huh?
428
00:19:06,567 --> 00:19:09,567
Well, I guess as per usual,
429
00:19:09,667 --> 00:19:13,167
it's up to me as his best friend
to tell him the truth.
430
00:19:13,267 --> 00:19:14,267
You?
431
00:19:14,267 --> 00:19:16,467
I'm sure he'll understand
if I tell him.
432
00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:19,267
Hey, nobody is tighter
with Sammy than me.
433
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:22,267
I'm the one who should
tell him he stinks.
434
00:19:23,367 --> 00:19:24,767
So...
435
00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:26,267
what'd you think
of my commentary tonight?
436
00:19:26,267 --> 00:19:30,067
I thought you were wonderful.
437
00:19:30,067 --> 00:19:31,467
It just felt great up there.
438
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:34,767
I tell you, ever since I sold
the bar I've been floundering.
439
00:19:34,767 --> 00:19:36,667
It's like I'm standing
in quicksand.
440
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:38,367
You know, I've been
trying to get my feet
441
00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:39,467
planted on the ground
442
00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,367
and all of a sudden,
it's all come together.
443
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:43,267
It's like everything
I've ever done in my life
444
00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:45,267
has been leading up
to this moment.
445
00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:50,667
My knowledge of sports, my good
looks, my ability to rhyme.
446
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:54,167
You know, I tell you, I think
I found my niche in life.
447
00:19:54,267 --> 00:19:56,267
They liked you down
at the station?
448
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,767
Are you kidding, liked me?
449
00:19:57,867 --> 00:19:59,767
Man, they were speechless.
450
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:04,367
Oh, hey, yeah, Rebecca.
451
00:20:04,367 --> 00:20:06,567
Listen, uh, did you
catch my act tonight?
452
00:20:06,667 --> 00:20:07,767
Yes, I did.
453
00:20:07,867 --> 00:20:08,967
So what'd you think?
454
00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:10,467
Now you can be honest with me.
455
00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:11,567
Honest?
Mm-hmm.
456
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:12,967
Let's see...
457
00:20:12,967 --> 00:20:15,467
as news rappers go,
I thought you were fine.
458
00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:20,167
But maybe rapping has just
been kind of done to death.
459
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:22,367
Oh, no, you think so?
460
00:20:22,367 --> 00:20:25,167
I mean, I'd hate to think
I looked stupid out there.
461
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:26,567
No, no, not at all.
462
00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:27,767
No, no, no,
it's just that
463
00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:29,567
it's not unique
anymore, Sam.
464
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:30,967
I mean, uh, you know,
465
00:20:30,967 --> 00:20:33,067
it'd be one thing if you
were the first guy to rap,
466
00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:34,967
but they're rapping on
stations all over town.
467
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,267
You don't want to be
the last on a long
train of rappers.
468
00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:38,867
Yeah, Norm is right
there, Sammy.
469
00:20:38,867 --> 00:20:40,667
I mean, you got to do
something different.
470
00:20:40,667 --> 00:20:41,867
Do something revolutionary,
471
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:44,667
something that no sportscaster
does anymore.
472
00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:48,167
You know, like, uh...
read the sports.
473
00:20:50,067 --> 00:20:52,067
You know, I have been
working on something,
474
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,067
but I was afraid
it was too much.
475
00:20:54,067 --> 00:20:56,867
But if you guys think
that rapping's old hat...
476
00:20:56,867 --> 00:20:59,867
you know, I just may
give it a shot.
477
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:04,167
I'm going to work on it right
now, as a matter of fact.
478
00:21:04,267 --> 00:21:05,567
Suppose we ought
to stop him?
479
00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:06,767
Oh, no, wait a minute.
480
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:08,667
How do we know it's going
to be another bad idea?
481
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:11,867
I mean, it couldn't be as bad
as tonight, could it?
482
00:21:11,867 --> 00:21:15,067
Hi, everybody.
483
00:21:15,167 --> 00:21:16,367
Hi, Little Sam.
484
00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:17,667
Are you ready for tonight's...
485
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:20,167
Oh, my God.
486
00:21:20,167 --> 00:21:22,067
I sure am.
487
00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:24,267
I think the Red Sox
are making a big mistake
488
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:26,367
trading away young players
for veterans
489
00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:28,767
who can only help them
for a season or two.
490
00:21:28,767 --> 00:21:30,767
Don't you agree,
Little Sam?
491
00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:33,367
No, I think
you're full of hooey.
492
00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:36,867
If I paid five bucks
to get in the ballpark,
493
00:21:36,867 --> 00:21:40,567
I want to see them win now.
494
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:41,767
What do you know?
495
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,667
Your head's wooden.
496
00:21:43,667 --> 00:21:46,067
Well, your lips
are moving.
497
00:21:46,067 --> 00:21:48,867
If either of them mentions
the bar, I'm suing.
498
00:21:50,667 --> 00:21:51,867
Stop it.
499
00:21:51,867 --> 00:21:56,267
Well, that's two guys' opinions.
500
00:21:56,267 --> 00:21:58,167
Joanne?
501
00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:06,867
Oh, boy.
502
00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:12,067
It seemed like such
a good idea at the time.
503
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:17,567
Boy, I wanted that job so bad.
I wanted to make it work.
504
00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:20,067
I guess I just went
over the edge, huh?
505
00:22:20,067 --> 00:22:22,867
Hey, make him talk, Sam.
Make him say my name.
506
00:22:25,967 --> 00:22:27,367
Maybe later, Woody.
507
00:22:27,367 --> 00:22:29,267
My lips are kind of tired
right now.
508
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,667
I know things seem
a little bleak right now,
509
00:22:32,767 --> 00:22:34,667
but, um, I think
there's two important things
510
00:22:34,667 --> 00:22:35,667
to look at here.
511
00:22:35,667 --> 00:22:36,767
One:
512
00:22:36,767 --> 00:22:38,267
at least you took a chance.
513
00:22:38,367 --> 00:22:39,967
And two--
514
00:22:39,967 --> 00:22:42,367
and this is the important one--
515
00:22:42,367 --> 00:22:44,667
you know when to quit.
516
00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:46,767
Yeah, boy, that's true.
517
00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:47,867
You know,
518
00:22:47,967 --> 00:22:50,367
I came real close to losing
my dignity tonight.
519
00:22:52,167 --> 00:22:54,067
I've been thinking about it,
520
00:22:54,167 --> 00:22:57,667
you know, I'm going to hang up
the old Channel 13 blazer.
521
00:22:57,767 --> 00:23:00,167
You know, if that phone
were to ring right now
522
00:23:00,167 --> 00:23:03,067
and they were to beg me
to come back, I wouldn't do it.
523
00:23:03,167 --> 00:23:04,667
I think it's just time
524
00:23:04,667 --> 00:23:07,267
that I grew up
and accepted what I am:
525
00:23:07,267 --> 00:23:08,367
a bartender.
526
00:23:08,467 --> 00:23:09,867
And a damned good one
at that, too.
527
00:23:11,567 --> 00:23:13,367
Cheers.
528
00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:15,467
It's the station.
529
00:23:15,467 --> 00:23:17,967
Well, you're kidding me.
530
00:23:17,967 --> 00:23:20,667
The switchboard's
lighting up?
531
00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:22,367
Well, look, hey.
532
00:23:22,367 --> 00:23:24,567
Listen, I'm sorry,
I don't care if they loved me.
533
00:23:24,567 --> 00:23:27,767
I happen to have
a job already...
534
00:23:27,867 --> 00:23:29,167
and I have friends...
535
00:23:30,667 --> 00:23:31,967
and I have my dignity.
536
00:23:32,067 --> 00:23:33,367
Yeah.
537
00:23:33,367 --> 00:23:35,267
Well, thanks anyway.
538
00:23:35,367 --> 00:23:36,667
Yeah, bye-bye.
539
00:23:38,367 --> 00:23:40,767
Very admirable,
Mr. Malone.
540
00:23:40,767 --> 00:23:43,167
Well, I still have
a little nobility left.
541
00:23:43,267 --> 00:23:44,067
All right.
542
00:23:44,167 --> 00:23:45,967
Okay, Sam.
543
00:23:46,067 --> 00:23:48,167
Oh, I have to cancel
that relief bartender.
544
00:23:48,267 --> 00:23:51,167
Oh, maybe
you ought to, uh...
545
00:23:51,167 --> 00:23:52,767
Hello?
40058
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