Original subtitles

It is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion insects alive

at any one time. But forget about them.

This is about me, Lloyd. I'm a fly!

But why my room?! Lloyd.

Through no small effort,

I have persuaded your dad's favourite actor, Dolichovsky,

to do a surprise performance for us tonight.

Oh, how nice.

And as an actor, he needs a place to prepare for his performance.

So this house has got a lot of rooms that are not my room.

Yes. And your dad uses most of them.

It's meant to be a surprise.

What about PB's room? It's full of toenails. Don't ask.

Please, Lloyd.

I forgot mine and your dad's last anniversary.

I want this one to be extra special.

But you'll have another one. Probably.

You're not that old.

You love your dad, don't you, Lloyd? Yes.

So wouldn't you like to do something nice for him?

I suppose.

Great. Then that's settled. Huh?

Can we go now, Gena?

I've been doing Kundalini to stretch my belly out,

fit in more pancake crumbs.

I'm taking him to the pancake so he'll be out the way

while you set up for Dolichovsky.

Set up?

Sorry, I forgot to say he's a bit particular,

so there's a few things you'll need to prepare for him while we're out.

Hold on.

Dolichovsky is a snail.

He probably just wants a bit of grass to nibble and no sharp edges.

There.

Sorry. What's all this? For Dad.

Fine for Dad.

Thanks, love. See you later.

Yeah.

Oh, your mum must really love your dad

to make you go to so much effort for him.

Hmm.

Comfy cushions coordinated. What's next?

Round couscous for snacking.

Round is underlined. So find round couscous, I guess.

Why do I have to help?

It's for Dad, PB. If you don't, he might realise he prefers me

to you because I'm the best. Fine.

What else do I need to do?

Ensure that the apple is a completely salt-free environment.

You can start in here.

No salt.

No salt.

Are these round enough?

They're not perfect spheres, but they're quite round.

Uh, yeah, they'll do.

OK. No evidence of Arachnofly anywhere.

No salt.

What's wrong with Arachnofly?

He must still be bitter about being replaced by Buzz Barton-Fly

in the stage adaptation.

Why? As a fly Buzz was an objectively better Arachnofly.

There. Fixed it.

Now it's Woodlousefly. PB, don't draw on my posters!

Where shall I hide these?

Leave them. Just leave them.

I'm not re-arranging my room for the whims of an actor.

Anyway, next it says he wants complete darkness.

We cover the window. He can't see any of it.

We're all good.

No salt.

No salt.

OK, the floors have been polished.

The water has a hint of cucumber.

What next?

A stage is essential. A stage?

Where are we gonna get a stage!?

What's wrong with the floor?

Maybe we could make the floor into a stage.

Oh, stages have trapdoors.

So put a trapdoor in the floor and then it's a stage.

Hmm.

There. Stage.

Hold on. Is that my door?

Ooh, what about the trap?

Oh, as long as he doesn't open it, he'll never know there isn't one.

It's him. Is he complaining already?

He hasn't even got in yet.

We've not prepared everything on the list.

There's no more time.

Oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

OK, well, we have some time.

Let's finish the list quick. For Dad.

No salt. No salt. No salt. No salt. No salt. No salt.

OK. He likes it humid.

Next, flowery scent.

Oh. Oh.

No salt. No salt.

Waft it, Abacus, waft it!

Wafting, Lloyd. I'm wafting.

That's it. The last thing on the list. OK.

Use that rose petal to cover the window for full darkness

and I'll get Dolichovsky.

Dolichovsky, it is a true honour.

We have set up everything exactly as you asked.

Oh, good.

Does that include a fountain?

I must have a fountain.

A fountain?

The sound of running water helps me remain calm before a performance.

Oh, yes. Fountain. Sorry. Yeah, we definitely have a fountain.

Let me just check... it's running... the fountain that we have.

Abacus, PB, we need a fountain.

A fountain? A fountain.

Where, how? I don't know.

You'll have to improvise.

Dolichovsky! I suppose you are ready to go in and prepare for your acting,

which you need a fountain for, to relax.

Indeed.

I do not like to wait.

Not in my condition.

OK, um...

Come on in.

Well, I think you'll be very comfortable in here.

It's humid, flowery.

And as you can hear, there is a lovely fountain.

Very relaxing for you.

Is the fountain not OK?

It's a living fountain. Oh!

Forget the fountain.

Here, try couscous. It's round.

Oh. Oh. I should never have come.

I can't do this.

Uh... Now, wait. What's wrong?

Is the couscous not round enough?

Are the walls too salty?

Is it the ample evidence of Arachnofly all over the room?

Your Dad's downstairs. How is everything?

Oh, Mr Dolichovsky, you're here.

Thank you so much for this.

What's wrong with him?

Lloyd, what have you done?

Nothing. We did everything.

No, it's happening early.

I'm not prepared.

It's OK. I can distract Malcolm until you are.

There's no rush.

Oh.

Ahhhh.

Huh.

Is it healthy for a snail to poop white?

I think that's an egg, Lloyd.

Ugh! Aww, he's pregnant.

What a relief.

I thought he was angry at Lloyd.

Oh.

You've got this right, Mum?

Me? I don't have a clue. When I'm giving birth I tend to zone out.

Malcolm has much more experience with this side of the process.

I'll go get him.

Dolichovsky, in our house, giving birth on our floor.

Amazing.

Can you help him?

No idea, but I can certainly give it a go.

Anything for Dolichovsky.

It's such an honour.

I'm a big fan.

Now I need you to breathe.

I am.....an actor.

...I know how to breathe.

Oh, I know. I saw you in Ghost of Zafar.

Chills.

We need to help him relax. On it.

Lloyd, there's going to be a lot more eggs,

so I'll need you to stop them rolling away.

Uh-huh. OK.

I need... ..Javaratti.

What's Javaratti?

Ooh, I know where to find Javaratti.

Oh... (POP!) ..more.

I got it.

Oh. Have you decided on names yet?

I think this one looks like a little Malcolmski.

This one looks like a Lloydski.

So does this one.

I found Javaratti.

We came as fast as we could, so not very fast.

Doli! Javaratti!

We're fathers.

Our very own acting troupe.

We shall be unstoppable.

Sorry, Malcolm. Looks like I've messed up our anniversary.

Messed up? I had a nice meal with you.

And then a once-in-a-lifetime experience with my favourite actor.

It's been a wonderful anniversary.

And I helped. Quite a lot, actually. It was all unnecessary,

now you're not getting a surprise performance.

Oh, thanks, son. Would have been a lovely surprise, I'm sure.

It may no longer be a surprise, but I still intend to perform.

As a thank you, I will perform the Spring Lament

from the Ghost of Zafar.

Oh. As laments go, that's my favourite.

Go forth, O Spring.

Be there not an end...

Doli!

Oh, I forgot. I made a trap to go with the door.

Be there no end to thy coil

As it descendeth into the very darkness

from which I gazed upon the textile heights.

If this were but a dream, I would slide...

He may be demanding, but he's a real pro.

I'll give him that.

...my gastropod constraints...

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation