Original subtitles

It is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion insects alive

at any one time.

But forget about them. This is about me! Lloyd.

I'm a fly!

Um, what's this thing? It's a home theatre, Lloyd.

State-of-the-art.

If you could just sign here for me, please.

It looks very expensive, Mr Lloyd.

It is!

Usually. But Malcolm got us a free trial.

Time to kick back for some free home entertainment.

Break out the snacks, Gena.

Me? You said you were getting snacks.

I thought you said you were.

Oh, come on. We can't not have snacks.

Back in a bit, kids.

Let's watch something. How do you start it?

Uh... Oh!

Your Majesty, I bring...

Oh, a period piece. Nice. Shh!

...news!

The forces of the south carpet have defeated our armies.

What?!

Oh, defeat... Stop!

Loo break. Lloyd! I was watching that.

I'm loving this home theatre. I can go to the loo whenever I want.

OK. Continue.

...defeat.

Who will save us now?

Who's that?

I don't know. She just arrived.

Er, can we go back a bit?

Oh.

The forces of the south carpet have defeated your army...

Wait. I saw this bit. Go forward.

Duchess Midday Born,

what brings you...? Oh, that's who is.

What brings you to the...

Where are mum and dad with the snacks?

I think I stashed a crumb around here somewhere.

A pre-snack snack. Lloyd, you're in the way!

They can just pretend I'm not here. I meant MY way.

Do you mind? I'm trying to perform.

Yeah. I'm not stopping you. It's not like it's difficult.

Not difficult?!

Yeah, it's just acting, isn't it?

Seems pretty simple. Simple?!

Yeah. That's it!

Sorry, Yorrick. Sorry, Brianna. I cannot work like this.

Find another actor. I'm done.

But, Alexis, you're our lead.

What did I say? Can you believe it?

We found a whole popcorn between the sofa cushions. Crackin'!

Lloyd broke the theatre. Yes.

So if you could just pay us what you owe, we'll be on our way.

Pay?! I thought it was a free trial.

It was.

But the terms and conditions clearly state

the home theatre needs to leave in the same condition it arrived.

We are an actor short.

Er, do you accept popcorn?

We are a high-quality acting troupe.

We require high-quality crumbs.

So no, we do NOT accept popcorn.

Maybe toffee popcorn, at a push.

Can't you just find another actor?

Anyone can act. I could act, easy.

Ooh, great idea, Lloyd. What?

And now the theatre's not broken, is it?

But he's not an actor.

Yeah, but I could be.

I can say lines and stand, wave about

AND I wouldn't get in a huff and leave you in the lurch.

I would be a great actor.

Hmm. We've got the whole tour booked.

It'd get us out of a hole.

Fine.

The show must go on. Yes!

A career in the home theatre, Lloyd.

How exciting.

But if he doesn't work out, you owe us double.

You what?!

Don't worry, Dad. Acting is easy.

Your lines are on this.

Really? It's even easier than I thought.

Good luck, Lloyd.

Lady South Wing, send our armies north.

No, wait.

Lady North Wing, send our army south.

Queen sits.

That was a stage direction!

Oh, yes.

I, being the Queen, shall now sit.

Ooh.

No, no, sorry. I don't think this is for us.

Guards!

OK, so maybe acting's a bit harder than I thought, but I'll improve.

You watch. Promise.

What shall we do, my Queen?

Go! I said go.

Alas, our armies have been overwhelmed

and, uh...

We can go no further.

We can go no further!

It is time for me to lay down my arms

and...

Rest in the cool waters

of the kitchen sink.

Rest in the cool waters of the...

Kitchen sink.

Kitchen sink!

Argh!

...cool waters of the kitchen sink.

Rest in the cool waters of the bathroom... KITCHEN sink!

Rest in the cool waters of the kitchen sink.

We can go no further.

It is time for me to lay down my arms and rest

in the cool waters of the kitchen sink.

Yes! Nailed it! Ow!

Bravo!

I have seen better, but not bad.

Uh...

I thought I really had something in that performance.

You're getting better and better.

You nearly finished the whole play this time.

This tour has been a disaster!

No-one wants us to return and we've only got one performance left.

OK, OK, yeah, I-I understand.

But give me another chance.

This time, I'll do it. I promise.

If you pull this one off,

I'll consider your dad's contract settled.

You can count on me.

Berry?! Lloyd?

You ran away and joined the theatre?

We're in Berry's house!

Who's Berry?

He and Lloyd don't get on.

So? We're professionals!

We perform no matter who's in the audience.

But it's Berry! He's very annoying.

So pretend he's not there.

You are an actor.

Now go out there and act. Ah!

Your Majesty, I bring...

Oh, a period piece!

A bit highbrow for you, Lloyd. Shh!

...news! The forces of the south carpet have defeated your armies.

Defeat... Hold on! I need the loo.

Berry, we were watching that.

What's the point of home theatre

if you can't go to the loo whenever you want?

Lloyd won't mind.

Ah. Turns out I didn't need to go.

Continue.

Defeat?

Who will save us now?

Who's that, Lloyd?

Well, it's a valid question.

I just want to know who that... Duchess Midday Born.

What brings you...? Oh, you should have said sooner.

What brings you to the... Are there any snacks?

Oh, sorry.

Berry, you're in our way.

It's just Lloyd.

It's not exactly an unmissable performance.

Y-y-yes, it is! I've been working hard at this.

Well, it doesn't show it.

That's it! Sorry, Yorrick, Brianna, Abacus.

I cannot work like this. I'm done!

Lloyd! Oh, not again.

Intermission.

It's just Berry, Lloyd.

Pretend he isn't there. But he IS there.

I'm done. I quit. What about your dad?

Where's he gonna find toffee popcorn?

And Brianna and Yorrick? You can't leave them in the lurch.

Why not? The other actor did.

Oh, I sort of suppose I get why now.

But Berry is way more annoying than I am.

Does that mean you'll come back, finish the performance?

Oh, no, I'm still done. But I have a better idea.

Wait here.

Audiences, they don't appreciate real art these days.

There you are! I do. I appreciate real art.

Oh, it's you.

What do you want?

I was wrong about acting.

I tried it and it's really hard.

And audiences are a nightmare.

I was a nightmare.

And... and I know that now. I'm sorry.

Look, when I joined the tour... Whaaaat?!

They did the tour without me?!

Well, yeah. You quit.

I only quit for that one performance

and only until they came to beg my return.

I've been wondering what was taking so long.

Oh, right.

Ohhh.

I fought and I lost.

And now I die.

Cough.

Choke.

Expire.

Go on then, put us down for another performance.

Thanks, Lloyd.

You can tell your dad he's off the hook.

Bye.

Do you think you'll miss the home theatre, Lloyd?

Uh... no.

Although I will miss the adoring applause.

I don't remember the adoring applause.

I do, Abacus.

I do.

Hmm.

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation