Original subtitles

It is estimated

that there are some ten quintillion insects alive at any one time.

But forget about them, this is about me, Lloyd.

I'm a fly.

Hope you're hungry cos I've got greasy crumbs.

Uh...

Oi, I was sitting there! Uh, no, you weren't.

If you were I'd be sitting on you. I was going to sit there.

There's an empty seat over there.

That's not my seat, this is my seat.

One seat is the same as the other.

If you don't give me my seat, my big brother will fight you.

Oh, no! You're big brother's going to fight me over a seat?

Any time, any place.

Fine, any time, any place, whatever.

What was all that about?

So, Lloyd, I just spoke to Dotty

and we've arranged a time and a place,

later today in the egg box.

I can't wait! I've never seen a real fight.

What? PB, I don't want to fight that little ladybird's brother.

You said, "Any time, any place". Yes, but only to get rid of her.

I didn't mean it.

Well, you have to now.

I've already started work on the posters.

Hey, Lloyd,

just heard you're fighting Dotty's brother, Freckles.

Ha, talk about a mis-match.

Berry's right, a little ladybird against a tough fly like me.

It's nowhere near a fair fight. So, just don't have the fight.

And be known as the fly

who's scared to fight a little ladybird?

So, have the fight.

But then I'm the bully who beat up a little ladybird.

So, maybe have the fight but let the ladybird win?

Oh, that's just perfect, that is.

Lloyd, the fly who was beaten up by a little ladybird.

So, what are you going to do? Hm.

Huh?

Ah, I've got it.

I'll simply make the fight more fair, even the odds.

I'll still win.

How could I not against a little ladybird,

but I can do so without accidentally causing injury.

How? I need to get myself

as out of shape and unprepared as possible.

If it makes sense to you, Lloyd, it makes sense to me.

Thanks for this, Abacus. To think, I nearly walked.

It's very important you don't exercise.

We need to reduce your muscle mass. Yeah, what have you got in mind?

I've got a training regime all worked out

based on a combination of comics, apps and snacks.

What? So, my normal routine then, but more? Perfect.

I'm going to be fighting unfit in no time.

Page!

Page!

You're doing great, Lloyd. Thanks, Abacus, Page!

Page!

Page. Page.

Yes, I feel completely inadequate. This training is really paying off.

I'm so pleased.

Now, let's see how weak you've become.

Even in my weakened state I'm still too powerful!

Maybe this is a bad idea.

I don't want to hurt the little ladybird.

You could still call if off.

Look, Lloyd, I made flags for the crowd to wave.

Crowd? Yeah, the word's spread.

You're going to have a big audience.

Everyone's really excited.

Did you hear that?

There's going to be a crowd and flags.

I can't pull out now, I'm in too deep.

They want to see a show! Being weak won't be enough.

What if you were also exhausted? Yes! I'll just tire myself out.

OK, arms worn out. What's next? Legs.

How's that? Yeah, legs good and weary!

What's next? Wings. And flap.

It's nearly time, Lloyd.

Our last step for peak unpreparedness

is a too-full belly.

Hm. I'm looking forward to it now. I'm feeling a buzz.

Lloyd, I was very disappointed to hear you're having a fight,

but good luck.

Just remember to float like a butterfly.

And sting like a bee? Oh, no, not like a bee.

That would pull your bottom inside out

and you'd die a long agonising death.

Much better to sting like a wasp. Oh, here comes your opponent.

That's Dotty.

No, I'm talking about her brother, Freckles, the stag beetle.

Freckles is a stag beetle?

Mm-hm. Adopted I think.

Lovely family. Anyway, like I said, good luck!

You'll probably need it.

Oh, no.

Erm...

Help?

You can do it, Lloyd.

Wow, a real fight. I hope Lloyd wins.

Huh, I'll be amazed if he even comes second.

How are you feeling, Lloyd? I'm absolutely terrified.

I'm going to be beaten to a squidgy pulp.

Welcome, everyone. Thanks for coming.

It's time for the fight you've all been waiting for!

Yeah!

In my right corner it's Freckles K. Ladybird!

It's not too late. I can go find a towel, throw it in.

I can't pull out now, there's a crowd and cheering.

And in my left corner it's Lloyd Babe Fly!

Go, Lloyd! Lloyd.

Maybe you're right? I can... Ah!

On the sound of the bell, the fight will begin.

Ding, ding!

Freckles is on the attack but Lloyd's ready.

Or is he? Go, Freckles!

Oh, that's got to hurt but Lloyd is taking it like a champ.

Oh, and now he's shaking him. What a move!

Going easy on me? Yeah, do you mind?

Not at all. But may I ask, why? Who's going to win?

It's Dotty, she's always setting me up in fights.

I hate fighting but she gets a kick out of it

so I just go through the motions.

Interesting.

So, just tap out whenever you're ready, yeah?

Go, Freckles! Yeah!

Go, Freckles! Go, Freckles!

Maybe this is it?

Freckles has Lloyd down for the count.

You know what might stop your sister setting you up for fights.

What's that? If you lost to a fly?

Why isn't Lloyd fighting back?

Against a stag beetle, he's got no chance, PB.

This was a terrible idea.

I need to find a towel and throw it in.

Lloyd! Lloyd!

Oh, my!

What a come back. What implausible strength.

Come on, Lloyd. Go, Lloyd!

Take that! And that, and that! And that! Jab, jab, jab, jab!

Jab and special move coming up.

I hope you like the floor 'cause you're gonna eat it.

No mercy from me.

Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell your mums.

You're no match for me! You were here.

This fight has more twists than a dizzy centipede.

We've never seen anything like this.

I'm amazed, and you should be too!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

Hey, yeah! No way.

Three, two, one, ding, ding, ding!

Lloyd wins, yeah!

Tuck in. Greasy crumbs represent no hard feelings.

I can't believe you won against a stag beetle, Lloyd,

in a real fight.

Yeah, I can't believe

you didn't tell me Freckles was a stag beetle.

I don't know what you don't know. I can't believe you lost to a fly!

Guess my fighting days are numbered.

Great fake fight, fellas.

I was sad you won, Lloyd,

but it was entertaining, I'll give you that.

Fake?

Yes, of course it was a fake fight, PB.

If that was a real fight,

you'd be picking up squishy pieces of me right now.

Freckles, why would you fake a fight? You love fights.

No, I don't!

I only fight because you love fights

and keep setting me up in them.

I don't love fights.

I only set you up in them because you love fights.

Why do you think I love fights? Because you always have fights.

I only always have fights because you keep setting me up in...

Oh, I see the problem.

The cycle of violence.

You know, Abacus, I learned a valuable lesson today.

The best way to win a fight is not to have one?

No, I learnt that fights are fine

as long as they're staged for entertainment,

I don't get hurt and I win. Ow.

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation