Original subtitles

It is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion insects

alive at any one time.

But forget about them. This is about ME - Lloyd!

I'm a fly!

Oof!

Abacus, are you prepared for brutal defeat?

I certainly am.

Let the Blue Bottle Battle final showdown begin!

Y-e-e-e-e-e!

Everything sorted - comfy chairs, snacks, big table bagsied...

This will be the game to remember!

Huh?

What's all this? I bagsied the table for our game.

Tough!

I brought the comfy chair in from the living room especially.

Well, it IS comfy.

There ARE other chairs, Lloyd.

We've done well for ourselves.

Oh, but they're not as comfy.

This is the final FINAL Blue Bottle Battle showdown.

It requires quiet and comfort and...

Where are our snacks?

Oh, were they not for everybody?

Look out!

Do you have to do that here? Now?

I have yoga soon. I don't want to prick my abdomen.

Oh, is this Blue Bottle Battle?!

Hey, hey, don't do that. You'll mix up the cards!

My whole strategy carefully developed over multiple battles.

And it's a brilliant strategy.

Lloyd assures me he's going to win this time.

Can I play?!

Of course not!

It's a campaign game. You can't just dip in and out.

And, after 12 battles, it's time to find out

who is the ultimate Blue Bottle Battle champion!

Agh! Get out! You're messing up my strategy!

Now look what you've done, Lloyd.

They just want to play. Well, so do I. In peace.

Right, that's it, I can't play here.

Come on, Abacus.

Right. Where shall we play?

How about here?

Quiet. Peaceful. Yeah, this could work. Nice.

Oh, is that Blue Bottle Battle?

I was the first triple-pollen champion.

They included my night-flight tactic in the last rules update,

so, if you want any tips...

Yeah, we'll be fine.

Hey! Ooh, is this your strategy then?

A metamorph manoeuvre paid to your dorsal defence?

Agh!

Interesting. Oi! Give me that!

I'm not judging. I'm sure you know what you're doing.

Oh! That's a bold choice!

I'm guessing this is your first game if you're making these sort of...

OK.

Somewhere else? Yes. Somewhere else.

Shout if you need any hints, OK?

Oh, now we're talking!

Should've just come here in the first place.

Here we are, everyone!

Oh!

What's this then? A boardgame? Looks complicated.

It is. Very complicated.

And requires concentration.

Why are YOU here?

Cornea's yoga class.

Ohh! I think something snapped!

Well... yoga's quiet.

Primal scream yoga comes best from the tho...

...r-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a...

...x.

Argh!

Louder!

Work that core!

Somewhere else? Yeah.

Somewhere else.

Ah, that's good thinking, Abacus.

Your dad's place is perfect.

Nice, big table. It's peaceful, it's quiet, it's calm.

Sorry, lads! Got a leak coming through the cistern.

But don't worry.

Old Ampersand's here with his trusty fixing hammer.

Yeah, it's a bit much with the dripping AND the humming.

And the banging!

What?! The banging!

I can't hear you over the banging!

Hang on! I think I've got it!

Ow!

Don't worry, lads!

I've still got 11 working arms.

Somewhere else?

Ow!

Somewhere else.

It's OK. I've still got 10 perfectly good arms.

Here we go!

Uh... Can't you just go around?

What do you mean go around?

This is the way we're going.

Somewhere... else?

Somewhere else.

Some... where... else?

Y-e-e-e-e-e-s.

Ow!

Somewhere... else?

Yes.

Argh! Somewhere else?!

Somewhere else!

Somewhere... else?

Somewhere else?

Somewhere else? Somewhere else?

Oh, I mean, it's hopeless, Abacus.

Everywhere is either too busy, too loud, too violent or too dangerous.

I don't know where else to try.

I just want a quiet spot

for a nice, friendly game

where I brutally defeat my best friend with my perfect strategy.

And I'm certain you can do it this time.

Abacus, I think I found the perfect place.

This is great!

And to think it was right under my proboscis the whole time!

Well... both your proboscis.

It's perfect!

But... it could be better.

What do you mean?

If we're... ..going to...

...play properly...

...we need...

...to be comfy.

You're right, Lloyd.

I just wish comfort...

...was lighter.

I'm not THAT heavy.

Oh, PB! I said you can't play.

I just want to watch, not play. Promise.

Ohh...

Fine. But only if you help.

There we go - comfy chairs, tasty snack. We're all set.

Whoa!

Uh...

Hmm... Something's missing, though.

Oh! (SNAPS FINGERS) Of course!

We need a table!

Lift it, PB.

Lift it! It's slipping!

And... drop it here.

Now we just need to get it across the worktop, up the wall

and onto the ceiling.

We might need some help.

Thanks, Cornea. That was a good one. My core is...

Oh!

Yeah.

Course, if you really want to work that core,

I have the perfect exercise.

Huh.

I've not heard of this exercise.

Um... It's called primal furniture therapy. Very popular.

Oh, yes.

My core is screaming.

I love it!

Well, then you're going to love the next bit even more.

A-a-a-a-a-rgh!

Perfect!

OK. Thanks, everyone. You can go home now.

Wait.

Are these OUR chairs?

Is this our table?

Oh, is this a boardgame?

It is. A very complicated one.

We all watching the game? Great.

I'm on hand for tips, hints and commentary.

I can't read with all the screaming.

Why is our furniture here?

So, how do you play?

Well, there are cards that have to be in the right order

because if they're not Lloyd gets angry.

That's because the cards ARE your strategy.

A poor deck is a poor strategy.

And, sadly, Lloyd's deck is...

Will you all be QUIET?!

I have been trying ALL DAY

to find somewhere with a little bit of peace and QUIET

to play this VERY IMPORTANT final match,

and you lot are ruining it for me!

I think what Lloyd is trying to say

is... you can watch if you like,

but can we have a bit of shush, please?

Abacus wants shush, everyone.

Well, when you put it so politely...

Sorry, Abacus. Sorry, Abacus.

You won't even know we're here.

Oh! Finally!

The time has come for your brutal defeat, Abacus. Hm!

Classic newbie mistake.

Call it a draw?

Call it a draw.

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation