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Act 1

Luciana, isn't your shift at 2:00?

I changed it. I've got to go to the dentist.

That errand boy again. Luciana, is he courting you?

- Just think. An errand boy. - Well, he's not that ugly.

- But he's still an errand boy. - Elena's right.

Stop it. You're one of those who stare straight at people on the street.

Well, one day I'll catch someone. I won't end up like Marta.

- How did she end up? - Now she's his concubine.

- What? - A concubine.

Those who live together and don't get married.

I think she's right. At least they can't fire her.

Luciana, what do you prefer? Being a concubine or waiting to get married?

I've got to get off.

Luciana, where are you going? What's she doing? Is she mad?

I can't understand why we didn't go by train.

Where is the handbag?

- Mom, what's going on here? - The orange flowers.

- Dad, what a party pooper you are. - We wouldn't have been on time.

It would have been much better, I'm telling you.

- You look great. - But why did you leave the van there?

Nobody will see it, so don't worry.

I'm a bag of nerves.

Hey, you're wearing this. I like it.

- Why aren't you wearing your waistcoat? - But I'd die from the heat.

- So we could have saved 3,000 lire, right? - What are we waiting for?

We're ready. The reverend's waiting for us.

- And the witnesses? - They should already be here.

- You're definitely sure everything's proper? - Dad, let's not start again, all right?

Of course, Mr. Gino. I did the same thing.

I married at 22 instead of 25.

You couldn't wait?

- Well, I could. But my woman — - But here, thank God —

There they are!

Look, the reverend knows that Renzo's in the same condition as me.

- We don't speak about the young lady. - Whereas you try to speak about her.

But, Gino, the priests will immediately understand

that the women don't want to have babies, and since the sacrament isn't valid —

At least the jacket.

Luciana, allow me to introduce Giuseppe Antonicelli and Mario —

Mario, what's your last name?

- I'll say it to the priest. Relax. - Nice to meet you.

You're sure they won't say anything to anybody?

Who cares? They're from the other side of the city.

So let's go. I have to work overtime at 2:00.

What a wedding. They should be ashamed.

They didn't even take off overtime.

- If they can't marry, why not wait? - And if something happens?

You see who's thinking negatively? And then the marriage isn't valid if —

Dad's not at all well. All he does is repeat the same words.

What's he got, arteriosclerosis?

How wonderful.

- Luciana, do you want a pill? - No, no, nothing. It'll pass.

I ate an ice cream. It must have been that.

Look, the accountant.

Is it you who asked to swap shifts today?

- Yes, the dentist. - But the public dentist isn't open at 2:00.

I've already been treated by my father's dentist friend.

- Why? - Because he's good.

- And the drill? Doesn't it scare you? - Sure.

Those medical types… and women.

- Molar? - What?

Ah, yes, one of those big ones.

Let's have a little look.

Very good. Go on. What time do you get off tonight?

- 7:00. - Very good.

Careful. He must be one of those — Ask Annalisa.

He looks like a silly sausage, but that's exactly the kind who are wolves.

- I don't believe it. - Well, somebody told me so.

- Who? - I can't tell you, but he sounds like a real wolf.

Ask Pinuccia.

- Pinuccia? - I don't know. All I'm saying is be careful.

As if I'm waiting for him. I pray every night.

- Pinuccia, swear it's true? - I swear.

- Didn't you say you were going out? - It's late, and it seems like Dad —

- Well, what's the matter? - Nothing, nothing.

She asks if we want to go out.

You can go out. I'll stay and play cards with my friends.

- Couldn't you not play tonight? - Why?

We've given up the room. Can't we even play a game now?

Yes, but I'm saying tonight you could go over to the others'.

- But why? - Dad! You'll never understand anything!

See that? She's the man of the house. That's how they treat you.

Thank God you're here as well now. Here they are.

Gino, tell them what we told the manager.

- But who'd believe I'm one of your tenants? - They said we cost too much.

Don't be fresh. You, get the door.

I really want to see who'd stick their nose in our house.

You're just our nephew from the suburbs.

Good evening.

- What's the matter? - Nothing. Stomachache.

The ice cream I ate this morning.

Shall we go out?

- Are you crazy? - What else can we do?

- Well, couldn't we go into the other room? - What? I'd be embarrassed.

Hey, you two, get going.

Stop laughing, idiots.

- Good night, everyone. We're going out. - Good night.

- They made up their minds, eh? - They had to.

- They're in their room. - Damn! My stuff!

It'd be better if I got my stuff out of here now.

- When are you leaving in the morning? - I start work an hour before her.

So I'll leave the shoes here.

Speaking of which —

Otherwise it'll start again.

Marisa, it's Dad's medicine. Give it to him.

Aren't you going to bed?

I don't want to. There's boxing on TV.

To hell with them all.

I should have told Gigi to find a new room and taken the old one,

or found another one myself.

A boardinghouse would be better than here.

Right, and 20,000 lire would fly out the window every month.

Well, at least for these first days.

No, this means a little sacrifice, but we're together, and that's what counts.

As soon as we finish paying for the furniture, we'll buy a place.

And we'll have our honeymoon while we're on holiday from work.

A late honeymoon's really chic, you know.

And then there are Sundays.

And Sunday —

Wait a minute.

How wonderful.

- Still feel bad? - No. Nausea.

- Nausea? What kind of nausea? - I feel really scared, you know?

- Oh, hell! - Come on, it's not certain.

- You're really scared? - Yes.

- You told your mom? - Are you crazy? They think that I —

Well, we got married today. What do you want them to think?

But if it's true, what will we do?

I don't want to think about it tonight.

Ah, good. I was just about to tell you. A little fresh air.

Ah! What lovely air.

But what's that thing there?

- You've never seen it turned on? - Not me.

Oh, right. You can't see it from the other room.

You'll get used to it. And we got a bargain. They're giving 10% off all their products.

- And when does it turn off? - Never. It goes on and off till daytime.

Luciana, Lilli's here and won't give me any peace. She wants to watch TV.

I'm really sorry.

Renzo, tomorrow you've got to move the plug to the other room.

My parents kept the TV here in the room.

Damn, the park's better than this.

Do me a favor— stop it!

What do you mean, stop it? I wanted —

- Where are you? - I'm here.

You're smaller than a 21-gallon refrigerator. Come here.

But don't they annoy you?

- Shall we go out? - Where?

To be out late.

Good idea! Let's go dancing.

Wonderful! So no one will realize when we return.

How nice it will be sleeping together.

It's finished?

- Are you all right? - Yes, sort of.

Don't drink too much, eh?

Come on, it's watered down.

See? She's been crying for half an hour.

- Don't watch them, you busybody. - Poor thing.

She's got a problem.

Why don't you think about our problems instead.

- We're so lucky. - You bet. Like a ship in the forest.

What? You've been drinking.

No, I'm thinking about your nausea.

We said we wouldn't think about it tonight.

That's enough. You've had four. They're 600 lire.

- Come on. - No impromptu flowers, you know?

We've spent enough. They might have stolen those flowers from the cemetery.

- And don't play the big man, Mr. Engineer. - Yes, Countess.

Anyway, you'll become an accountant. We'll see if you play hooky in evening classes.

- Just tonight. - Only tonight.

But no more holidays from tomorrow.

- Let's go home. - Now?

Now. Everyone's sleeping now.

- Damn! - What?

- Incredible! What are they doing? - Maybe they left the light on.

Oh, come on.

They're still watching TV. I'll call them. Just watch.

What will you say to them? Go to bed, so we can be alone?

While they're awake, I'm not going up, understand?

I'd rather stay here!

Well?

Well.

- Come on, behave. - Oh, not even this?

On Sunday we'll get a room by the hour, I'm telling you.

Sunday? Wonderful!

What are you looking at? We're married.

Come off it. Oh, what a great life.

I thought it was you.

- No drill today? - No.

He's not here?

- Who? - The dentist.

- Or the person you call the dentist. - Why, do you think —

I swear I asked to change shifts because I really had to go to the —

To the dentist.

- So no escapades? - No, sir. No escapades.

You're telling me you don't have a boyfriend? Not even a little flirtation?

Well, it wouldn't be bad. My job contract says I can't get married, but —

- Exactly. You have a boyfriend. - No.

- No boyfriend? - No, none.

- No little flirtation? - No, no.

- Nothing? - Nothing.

See what a lovely thing I've brought you.

May I present Ferrario the lawyer, Miss Simonetta Rosi.

This young lady is one of our best employees.

- I can see that. - Enrico, don't start.

I vouch for him as a lawyer, but as for the rest — You can treat him really badly.

Let's have a nice swim.

No, no. I've just eaten and then I was leaving.

Wait a minute while I refresh myself.

- Fantastic! - Really? Well, good day.

Young lady, one moment. Where are you running off to?

I've got to go. I've got to call — I've got a date with one of my girlfriends.

- Boyfriend? - Girlfriend.

This young lady's hiding something from me. Look at how she's turned red.

As I told you, I've got to go because I've —

- You have a car? - No.

- I'll give you a ride. - Thank you, Mr. Accountant.

You're very kind, but — All right, wait. I'm going to make a call.

Act as if nothing's happened and walk behind me.

- Poor Osvaldo. You're out of luck today. - I'm unlucky, dear.

- You only had to say you had company. - I'm an idiot, all right?

I had the impression he suspected something.

You have no idea what he's like.

But all he wanted was to talk.

Him?

So what shall we do? I haven't found a room nearby.

- Not even a hole-in-the-wall. - So where will we go?

Well, we have to find a room downtown, or we'll stay here.

I left the van in the parking lot. If the accountant sees it, I'll be in trouble.

Trouble with the van is all we need.

All right, I'll go and move it, but let me rest a moment.

The accountant's bound to see us here.

Then I'll have to go and say hello to him, get the swimsuit and the towel.

Say hello to him, get your stuff and leave with me.

We're losing our common sense. You can go with whomever you like.

Just don't get married and don't get pregnant.

But since I'm married and probably —

This is crazy, ending up right under the personnel manager's nose.

- So tell me what we should do now. - I want to go home right now,

and if he wants to give me a ride, that'd be fine.

In the meantime, you go ahead with the van.

Look, you don't want the personnel manager to see you with the errand boy.

You're really stupid, you know?

Look, I'll introduce you to the accountant.

What's your rush? Come on, wait.

I'm not waiting for anything. You'll see.

But why are you angry, Luciana?

Just wait a second. Maybe you're right.

Look, I'll see you at home.

Miss Luciana!

- Oh, you did it. - Ah, congratulations.

- Get out of here. - Why?

- Don't be tiresome. - But why am I annoying you?

I told you to leave, so do it.

But you'll see she'll be back soon. We never worried about Luciana.

Oh, really?

Let her stay.

As long as nothing has happened.

Something will happen when she gets home — two lovely slaps for sure.

A 1300. You think it's Luciana?

Luciana's never known anybody with a 1300.

She knows someone — Damn that light.

You're deliberately misunderstanding.

Didn't you say that she would come on her own later?

Mom, you're worse than Dad. You're always repeating yourself.

Mom, I'm hungry.

We're waiting for Luciana.

She's back. I saw her from the kitchen window.

Renzo, where are you going?

- Gino, you tell him. - What?

- Renzo wants to slap Luciana. - All right.

You wanted her to get married, didn't you? So it's right that he can slap her now.

You're no help at all.

Renzo, don't make trouble!

- Where are you going? - Out. If not, I'd smack you in the face.

- Luciana, come up! - Oh, Mom!

Renzo, where are you going? Stop!

Renzo, you know what happened to me?

He said, "Come on, let's go to the lakes."

I didn't know how to stop him.

Then I had a great idea. I pretended to feel sick.

I writhed about. If not, it would have ended badly.

You and Marisa were right. He's a real — Let's go home, Renzo.

- One. - Two.

Two.

At least let me see which film it is.

Oh, vampires. How boring.

- You used to like them. - And now they annoy me.

- You're not jealous, are you? - Don't be ridiculous.

Isn't it just great to be alone at home on Sunday?

I was scared.

I was nervous.

But you know, you're an idiot. Jealous of the accountant? Get out of here!

So what does this accountant want?

I told you, but even if he was Marlon Brando, he wouldn't matter to me at all.

- Because you're my wolf. - Sure I am.

You know, even though I was forced to say I felt sick, I really did feel sick.

Again?

Well, not that bad, but not that good either.

But maybe it's not that thing since I never feel really, really sick.

And how are you now?

Fine.

We did well to come here. At least we're alone for a while.

Lift me up. Now the vampire is unleashed.

How wonderful.

Here comes the wolf.

How's your health, young lady?

Good, thanks.

I'm glad. I heard you weren't that well.

Actually, I didn't feel well yesterday, but now I —

What's wrong?

What happened?

And you've never suffered from dizziness before?

No.

Listen, miss, do you think it's possible you could be expecting?

I can't tell from the examination, but it could be the first month of pregnancy, and so —

You're saying —

No, young lady, it's you who's got to say it.

So it's completely impossible?

- I'm not married. - I know, but that doesn't mean —

So, you don't think you could be expecting?

No, no, no. I don't think so.

It's better if you're not. It could be a digestive disturbance.

It's been very hot lately.

I want you to come back in 10 days. We'll see if it's worth you visiting one of my colleagues.

As you know, I'm obliged to inform the personnel manager about all pregnancies.

I know, but since I'm not pregnant —

Agreed, as far as you know.

Come back in 10 days. If everything's all right, we'll think about a tonic cure, all right?

I'll write on the report, "To be seen again on July 24."

A lot can happen in 10 days.

- Aren't you coming to eat? - I don't feel like it.

What's up? Why won't you eat?

I'm not hungry. What's wrong with that?

You've argued again, eh?

No.

Oh, come on.

Maybe she's tired. Maybe she doesn't feel well.

Luciana's always been fine.

And today she doesn't feel well. She was sick in the factory too.

What are all these secrets? If she feels sick, she should tell us.

Luciana — she's got the idea she's — Well, you know.

I don't like this. So it means you married her —

Marisa, go and make a cup of chamomile tea for Luciana.

What's chamomile tea got to do with it? She says she's pregnant.

What happened, happened. What can we do, go to court?

We're married, and it's not even certain.

Certain or not, it's clear you're an ignorant scoundrel,

because now it's good-bye job, good-bye plans and everything else.

Father!

Let's wait before getting angry.

Wait for what? How far along is she?

If it's true, a month.

Congratulations. I'm not saying anything.

I'm sure you'll lose Luciana's job, with a kid to support. Think about that!

Of course, if there was something to be done —

My dear child, why didn't you tell me first?

Have you ever tried a hot mustard bath?

Or a boiling footbath?

We could get some advice from Aunt Armida —

- I'm not pregnant! I'm not pregnant! - Really?

We were scared for no reason. Everything's all right.

We'll be really careful from now on.

Well done, darling. I'm really happy.

Leave me alone, idiot! Go away!

- Come with me. - And those?

I said come with me. You too.

Listen, Mr. Accountant, I was just joking.

We don't know each other, understand? What does it matter if they fire you?

Better to lose your salary than mine. And then they have to give you severance pay.

Please take a seat, young lady.

So, was that the first time he harassed you?

Yes. I've hardly ever seen him.

I told you, Mr. Accountant, I was joking. Indeed, a mistake.

- I was there getting the boxes and — - Shut up! You're fired without notice.

So fire me.

Listen, if you fire him without notice, I resign because I don't think it's fair.

What? Do you?

He was wrong to play a joke, but the last thing I want is to cause such harm.

He might have a family.

Young lady, you are too kind.

You'll get your severance pay, but you'll never set foot in here again, okay?

Now go, and you can thank the young lady for being so generous. Out, out!

Out!

And you didn't want him to be fired?

If it was up to me, he'd never work again, the jerk.

He'd learn to keep his hands to himself. I'll write his references myself.

- Renzo! - Where are you going?

Renzo, come here!

I'm sick of this. I can't go on taking this poison every day.

Come here, you.

You know what, Mr. Accountant?

This "jerk" is my husband, so now you can fire me as well.

We can't all stay single to bake you cakes

and keep you company at swimming pools on Sundays!

You tell him.

We'll both be unemployed, but we'll find something.

And with two severance payments,

we'll get a leg up on the housing ladder.

- And we'll buy a refrigerator as well. - There's plenty of time for a refrigerator.

- Get out of here! - With pleasure!

Send them to me.

A little courage is all it takes.

When I realized that we could get a home

with the money from the two severance payments,

I could have fainted for joy. How wonderful!

You'll see. It will all be fine.

Hey, you!

- Oh, it's you! - Beppe!

I thought it was you. Did I see you here yesterday morning?

I live near here now. I'm in the new cooperative housing.

- Ah, nice houses. - Well, a bit far from work.

I'm not at the biscuit factory anymore. I'm a night watchman — 6,000 more, you know?

6,000? Lucky you.

But how do you sleep in the day?

It's not forever. I'll get my accounting degree within a year.

- And your wife? - The distance from work's a lot for her too.

I go to bed, my wife gets up.

Means she keeps the bed warm for you.

- Children? - It's still early days.

We've got to pay for the house and stuff.

You're right. It's gone really well for you.

- Well, yes, it has. Ciao, then. - Ciao!

- Raining? - Not now.

Thank goodness.

They've already turned it on. Wonderful!

Did you find out anything about the course?

I went to the school last night, but it's hopeless.

Morning classes start at 8:00, and who can start then?

And the afternoons?

They start too late.

So you'll lose this year.

Well, I hope not. I'll study on my own, and then I could take private lessons.

It's important, love.

I know, I know.

It's gone so well so far. We're so lucky.

In two years the loans will be paid off.

- Twenty-three months. I did the — - Give me the soap.

Here.

I did the calculations.

Did you calculate the payments for the stove?

Yes.

If we don't take a vacation this year, we'll pay it off in 20 months.

- Don't we want to go to Venice? - Venice isn't going anywhere.

Are you crazy? Do you know the time?

I'll make you late.

What's open? I feel a draft.

Nothing. I just aired out the room. I'll close it now.

Sunday. We'll spend all of Sunday in bed.

How nice.

See you this evening.

Wait a minute! Wait!

Act 2

I really like Rome, folks!

It's great here. It's a pleasure to work here. What fun it is!

Be quiet. They're shooting a film.

This happens every day in Rome, everywhere.

Hercules!

I'll deal with him.

They put everything into these cigarettes.

- Take her, I can't carry her. - Don't worry, miss.

If I weren't around to keep everyone happy,

it'd be a dis — a dis — a disaster here.

Only one man's not happy with me.

Here he is.

This is a better shot.

You know what he does almost every night?

You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Get married before doing these things!

Follow the elephants' example.

When they mate they go and hide in the jungle!

You filthy rascals.

You dirty beasts!

Turn that light off!

Shame on you!

You perverts!

- Here he is again. - Don't get out, sir.

No, I have to speak to him.

Why do you always come here?

- You're asking me? - Shame on you.

You should be ashamed!

This is a public place. People come here to walk.

This is Rome, the cradle of civilization.

The wellspring.

I thought this was Tokyo.

You're turning it into a brothel.

Why don't you go home?

How gross! You should behave like men and not animals in heat.

I'm going, I'm going, but you haven't heard the last of me.

Officer, those two are getting away.

Can't they see I'm doing it for their own good?

I order you to close the curtain! I order you! Close it!

Call the manager.

There.

Go home. Spend your money in a better way

instead of seeing this filth!

He really is crazy, isn't he?

Now I'll show you what he did last year.

There was a Swiss amateur photographer who caught the whole scene on film.

This is where our story begins.

One fine day, Mr. Mazzuolo —

Can you make a donation for prisoners? Thanks.

Can you make a donation for prisoners? Thanks.

- Good morning, sir. - Good work, Mazzuolo.

Get a move on.

I've had a stitch for three days. Could it be the radioactivity?

- Thanks for your help. - Cover yourself, madam.

- Say hello to your sister for me. - I will. Thank you.

See you on Saturday and Monday.

Look at this stuff.

Really!

What a disgrace.

Filth shouldn't be displayed in public or be for sale.

Dear Mazzuolo, what's wrong?

Look how bad things have gotten. Women in all sorts of positions.

The problem is that anyone can bring them home.

No, thanks. I don't smoke.

Young people, children —

- Calm down. - You've got some nerve.

Good work, Mazzuolo. I completely agree with you.

Give me 1,000 lire.

Very good. I already did this at another newsstand.

This is how I calm down.

Give me La Fiaccola.

One doesn't know what to do anymore to stop this rising tide.

I finished that essay. I called it "Filth in Art."

- Folly? - Not folly. "Filth in Art."

Let me read it. I'll publish it right away.

The boys… are ready for —

For the presentation.

Excuse me. I must go.

You have my support. You're an exemplary citizen.

Try and speak properly. You mumble.

You call yourself a Boy Scout?

Attention!

For having saved a professor

who fell while climbing a steep grade,

a special mention.

A Baden-Powell certificate goes to the scout who caught a badger

that caused damage to the camp's corn supplies.

A silver medal goes to the scout

who beat the 1960 record by two hours and 20 minutes

in the "Silent Night" competition.

The dangers of the pass, the dangers of the mountain.

These are dangers.

But there's an even bigger danger that is insidious and treacherous.

You are wondering what this danger is.

There was a very important episode in my life of which I'm the protagonist.

- The what? - The protagonist.

In 1913, I was 15 years old,

and I was one of the first Boy Scouts in Italy.

One of the first.

I had a very good friend then.

He died in a distant region of China last year.

The Chinese never gave his body back to us.

One summer, I was a guest at his aunt's house.

Nature had provided this woman with only earthly gifts.

One muggy afternoon, she decided to have a rest in our room.

My good friend's wretched relative

thought I was sleeping, so she began to undress.

But I wasn't sleeping.

A demon appeared before my eyes.

I closed my eyes —

Behave yourselves!

Behave!

Stay in line! Stay in line!

Over this way! Over here!

Go on, go on. Over here. More. More. Over here.

Excuse me. Can you get out of the way?

We are ready!

Stop. Easy now. Down. Go on.

- Hey, what are you looking at? - I'm going, I'm going.

Excuse him, Reverend.

- Is it for a film? - No, it's milk.

DRINK

MILK

Turn that loudspeaker on now.

Excuse me, can you be quiet?

Let's play our song!

Engineer, start the playback!

Come on! Come on!

Who's in charge here? Get down!

I'll turn back to Milan.

Drink more milk!

Hurrah for Anita Ekberg!

- Come away from here. - Okay, okay.

Excuse me, can you tell me, is that billboard staying there?

I don't understand.

This is a public place. Children and elderly people come here.

Where do you want to put it? In the cellar?

- I realize you have orders to follow. - I'm working.

- Bring it over here. - No, here! Bring it over here!

No, here!

Come on, stop it.

Take the boys away, now!

Forward march!

- Hey, you. Come here. - Me?

Yes. I need to talk to you.

I've already asked one of your men. Are you in charge?

- Yes, sir. - So listen to this.

I understand you have your duty to do,

but you also have moral duties.

That billboard is clearly obscene.

It's obvious when you look at it.

- What's wrong with it? - The pose, the dress, everything.

I know we are all men and we are aware of certain things.

Her pose is so obviously erotic, sensual. It's a disgrace.

I live there, and you're putting that up right in front of my windows.

It's all aboveboard. We got authorization.

Just a moment, foreman. You are an accomplice in this very serious matter.

You must do something! Cover her up!

Put something here, something over there.

If it's more work for you, then I'll pay for it.

But if we cover her up a bit, her beauty will be hidden.

You consider her beautiful?

How can you call that filth?

Give me a boost.

Just a moment, foreman, workmen. Are you leaving?

Listen to me! This is an order!

You can't leave that like that!

Stop!

My complaint has already been reported.

The authorization can be withdrawn with your help.

There's a lot of filth in private. Do we want to make it public?

Do we want to build monuments to sex? Triumphal arches for whores?

Forgive me, sir.

What position is the model in?

A filthy one, believe me. Really filthy.

If you'll allow me to, I'll show you the pose.

She's lying down

with her legs together and with everything —

I'll be there tomorrow.

Sorry. Maybe I'm overdoing it, but I'm trying to describe the indescribable.

The neckline is way too low.

With her motherly attributes bared to the sun.

I swear on my honor, I'm not kidding.

If you'll excuse me. Look, it's like this.

- And her legs? - They're naked and huge!

I live in a flat which has five windows.

Just think that only the legs take up all the windows.

What about her expression? Is it disturbing or provocative?

We need to describe all the details.

- In what way is she tempting? - She has a wild look about her.

There are several types of tempting expressions.

There's appetizing allure —

like the American style, used to advertise products like

flowers, sandwiches, aperitifs and drinks.

That is often a very innocent kind.

Then there's the French-style allure, which is disheartening.

In this kind, the product — Have a seat.

The product is advertised in a sly way.

It says one thing, but we realize that it actually refers to something else.

Or the ad shows us the product which is to be enjoyed,

but the picture hints at a different kind of enjoyment.

Then there's the Turkish sort of allure.

Turkish?

Look at this wretched Stella Orionis.

Here she is in a typical oriental situation.

Here, woman falls down to the lowest level of animality.

- Who's taken the other one? - You took them home.

Like animals, believe me.

Yes, but my case goes beyond that.

This is an offense to the most sacred function of maternity— breast-feeding.

Not even animals do that. That billboard must be banned.

Each passing hour augments the damage to morality.

My friend, if only I could, but I'm surrounded by cowards.

But one step at a time…

What matters is that they agree in Milan.

Thank you for being so bold in bringing this to our attention.

- Do you still need us? - No, you can go.

See Mr. Mazzuolo out.

Drink more milk Milk is good for you

Milk is good for you, whatever your age!

Drink more

Drink more

Drink more milk!

Drink more milk!

DRINK MORE MILK

Drink more milk It's an Italian product

It's the best remedy for all ages

Drink more

Drink more

Drink more milk!

Drink more milk!

Days go by, weeks go by, but the scandal continues.

That obscene billboard continues to spread poison

which is more harmful than radioactive fallout.

From my window, I can see the passersby who are shocked.

Got that?

They stop in front of the billboard as if they are about to faint.

And so they interrupt their healthy and regenerating walk

and the rhythm of their daily routine.

For this reason, I say this must stop!

Stop!

Francesco.

Francesco!

Excuse me.

Hey, sacristan.

Can you tell the monsignor that Mr. Mazzuolo is here?

The monsignor is resting. The secretary can help you.

Here it is. I make no comment.

Just look at how disgraceful it is.

I beg your pardon, but observe her dress and her pose.

Look at the people.

There aren't many people here now, but there usually are, of all ages.

It's really quite a pity that the monsignor wasn't personally able to witness this indecency,

but you can report this to him.

When you report this to him, he will take drastic action.

This image has already been brought to our attention.

Good.

Good day.

So what are you going to —

This is what they call the Italian summer?

Who do you want? Me, her or that one up there?

All those who are honest, all those who are pure,

all those who love moral integrity

and the dignity of human values are on our side!

We'll shout "Shame on you!"

In a few days' time,

that awful billboard, that horrendous enchantress,

as in the days of the golden calf,

has gathered around itself all the corruption of this city.

I'm confronted with a terrible sight. What an orgy of obscenity.

Babylon, watch out for the rain of fire!

I'm defending the integrity of the family!

I'm defending moral values!

I'll cause a scandal!

I'll give them a scandal! Enough of this!

Enough!

I want the guards!

Arrest me!

I'm ordering you to arrest me! This will end up in the papers!

An honest man prefers jail to this corrupt freedom!

Look out below!

- Why did they cover it up? - We did it.

- Mr. Mazzuolo wanted it covered up. - Why?

- It was photographic. - Pornographic, you idiot!

It was the right thing to do.

Antonio, things would be much better if there were a thousand men like you in Italy.

Anto, I had another vision last night.

Anto.

There was a rose, and a little voice was saying,

"Donatella, be good, be good."

Go away, the show's over!

Leave it to me.

Thank you.

Where did you learn how to sing?

Let me tell you a secret, even if Antonio will get angry.

My dear brother was the one who made me love singing and art.

If only you could hear how he sings.

Donatella, please.

- Come on. - Just one song!

You really want me to torment you? All right then.

- I'll turn the pages. - Thanks, but I know it all by heart.

What a brain. All by heart.

He has a very delicate touch.

Let's forget it.

Sing!

Come on, don't deny us this joyful moment which only art can give us.

I agree, and I notice Mazzuolo's bashfulness,

which proves his kindheartedness.

- What's the matter? - What is it?

Don't worry, Antonio, you're fine.

It must just be a little nervous breakdown. Nothing else.

Donatella.

In what position was the person on the billboard?

Blessed Sister Dorotea…

Go to the window.

Look at the billboard.

What do you see?

- The water has uncovered it. - Isn't she doing this?

Why should she be like that? It's the same as it was.

Go to bed!

Who is it?

Who's there?

Antonio, there's no one here.

Fear is made from nothing.

There's no one here.

You needn't —

If you have a clear conscience, you needn't be scared.

Don't be afraid.

Who are you? Semiramis, Cleopatra or Thaïs?

Poisonous, evil spirit, whoever you are, begone!

Sink into the abyss of sin! Go away! I order you to go!

All right, Antonio. Don't get angry. I'll go.

At last I've managed to banish you from the world of the righteous!

I really ought to go home now.

You joker, you're tickling me.

Why are you so scared of me, Mr. Mazzuolo?

Get back on your billboard!

I'm alive!

What a wonderful night!

Come with me, mister!

Come with me!

Wake up, everyone!

How can you sleep on a night like this?

What a lovely smell!

Come here, mister.

Let's talk.

Why are you so mean to me?

It's not nice to throw ink on my face.

What did I do wrong?

Why, mister? Why?

If so many honest people are led astray,

if there's so much evil in our world which is in need of faith and hope,

you are to blame!

Did I disturb someone?

I wasn't doing anything. I was there like a cloud.

How can a cloud bother you?

Even a cloud can become a shape that I don't want to describe!

Mister!

Stop!

Who'll be able to stop that monster?

Two million souls will be corrupted if she goes into town for even one night.

Saint George!

Wait! Stop!

Help!

Does it bother you that you're so small?

You're still here.

What must I do to rid the world of your presence?

Poor little thing. Poor little insect.

Let me speak to you like a friend.

Where are you?

Ah, there you are. Come here.

What do you want from me?

Don't run away. Come here. I won't hurt you.

I'll just caress you.

I get it, you want to play games.

You're so warm.

Put me down!

Relax, I won't hurt you.

Please, I'm scared of heights. I have a weak heart.

I'm going to eat you.

Not really. I was joking!

I can't die this way.

You're horrible!

- I want to get down! - What a cute little mustache!

You're screaming like a baby. Shame on you.

I feel awful. What an embarrassing way to die!

Don't worry. You're here close to my heart.

- I don't want to be here! - Listen to me.

Where's my umbrella?

Where are you putting your hands?

My umbrella fell. Can't I look for my umbrella?

It's not raining now, you know.

Mr. Mazzuolo likes touching!

Watch your mouth.

You don't know who I am. You're compromising me!

This wicked perfume is going to my head. It makes me feel terrible.

I feel great, Aunt Irene. My dear auntie.

I loved you so much.

No, you witch!

All right, I'll put you down.

- You're so unpleasant. - You're leaving me here?

All you do is say nasty words. You're rude.

- I wanted to be your friend. - I want to get down!

All right! I get it.

Thanks.

What nerve! You take advantage because you're so big.

Look who's behind you!

Here I am.

Come on, let's make up.

- Don't touch me. - Give me a kiss.

I never give kisses.

What a strange thing to ask for.

Did I make you angry?

I'd like to believe that there is still some good in you.

That maybe you're not completely lost. I hope.

I could help you come out of the filth.

- Filth? - Yes, I can help you.

I'm willing to help you.

I'm willing to dedicate my life to your redemption.

You need me. You need somebody.

It'll be wonderful, like brother and sister.

No?

Do you turn down salvation?

Stay with me, forever.

How much do you want?

I'll give you whatever you want.

You're so beautiful.

Don't be nasty. Stay with me.

- Forever? - Yes, forever.

How boring.

But, if you like, I could do a week.

Oh, God. What have I done?

You belong in jail!

Police! Vice squad!

Police! Police!

There's no one here!

- You're hurting me! - Yes, I want to hurt you! Hurt you!

Really?

Sodom and Gomorrah!

I'm fed up with you!

You're the one with the distorted vision. I feel really sorry for you!

I'm a —

What's this?

A whore?

I'm going to undress here.

Isn't this what you wanted?

Let's start now.

Look at my naked arms.

I can hold a hundred thousand men tightly in this way.

When I move my hips, convents shake.

When I move my eyes in a certain way,

I feel great, great pleasure in my back.

A pleasure as great as death.

Take back your filthy clothes!

I can confess to you now.

Yes, I am the devil!

I've come to take you away!

No! You won't be able to get me.

No one can stop me now!

Help me get completely undressed!

You won't force me to touch unclean flesh! I don't want to look!

Don't look.

Don't look!

Why can't they look?

Get out of the cinema! Take away the women and children!

- Don't look! - Let them look!

Damn you!

Don't look!

Leave them alone!

- What do I have to do? - Shame on you!

What big underpants you've got! Are they your grandpa's?

Help!

Let's end this. You go back to your billboard and I'll go home.

Let's end this. Let's end this.

I'm going to undress now.

No, don't do it!

I won't allow you to!

What's wrong with looking at a naked woman?

Stop! Before it's too late!

The moment has come.

You'll never forget what you're about to see.

Look.

I'll banish you from the world, you demon!

Never. Never.

Give yourself up!

My darling.

Death is life, when death purifies.

- Long live Mazzuolo. - Long live Mazzuolo the liberator.

- Long live Mazzuolo. - Long live Mazzuolo the liberator.

Death is life, when death purifies.

I'm really pleased you're dead.

Well done, Mazzuolo, well done.

Thank you on behalf of all the mothers.

The true Mr. Mazzuolo breaks free from his chains.

Long live Mazzuolo.

Long live Mazzuolo.

It's the final act,

the end of this miserable story about sex and corruption.

Lower that wretched corpse down and close it in its grave.

She will be buried in a secret place and no one will bring her flowers.

Stop.

Don't take her away from me! She's mine!

No one will touch you! Don't touch her!

I killed her!

I don't want you to take her away! She must stay here!

My beautiful Anita, you'll stay with me forever!

Go away, all of you!

Here's the syringe.

- Is it a full dose? - Yes, it's double.

The doctor's here. Calm down.

Everything will be fine. It will be fine.

He's been here all night. Careful, he bites.

- How did he get up there? - Don't know.

How did he do it?

Ready? We're lowering him.

You haven't strapped him up well. Careful.

Watch out for the light.

Drink more milk Milk is good for you

Milk is good for you, whatever your age!

Drink more

Drink more

Drink more milk!

Drink more milk!

Drink more milk It's an Italian product

It's the best remedy for all ages

Drink more milk!

Act 3

Come on now, out of the way!

Michelangelo! Good dog!

Welcome back, my lord.

What are you trying to tell me?

Antonio, what is this on Michelangelo's head?

Just a scratch, my lord. I put some ointment on it.

Poor Michelangelo. We'll take a look at it later.

Get up now. Let me pass.

- Antonio. - Yes, my lord?

- Has the lawyer gone? - No, sir, he's still waiting.

What a bore!

Look at all these telegrams.

Will you be needing me again, my lord?

No, you can go.

This must stop. They've gone too far.

When the press take this kind of attitude,

we can't go on ignoring —

Ottavio! At last! Welcome back. How are you?

I thought it was advisable to consult a few colleagues.

Professor Verardelli.

Mr. — Mr. —

Mr. Simone.

And my most valuable assistant,

the shrewd, perceptive, indispensable Mr. Alcamo.

Pleased to meet you.

The situation is so serious, I felt their opinion would —

Who is that?

Why, he's one of the top lawyers in Milan.

Here are today's papers, sorted according to political stripe.

- You saw them, I hope? - Yes, on the plane.

Here are the French ones. All tripe!

Hardly, if I felt it necessary —

Turn the lights on in the library, please.

Where were you? I tried to reach you in London, Paris.

Where on earth have you been?

I'll tell you later.

Professor, would you step into the library, please?

You too, Mr. Simone. And you, Mr. Alcamo, come along.

We haven't decided on a course of action yet,

but we were thinking about —

Mr. Alcamo.

We're in the library.

As I was saying, this is no easy case.

It's lucky you called in the end, or what could we do?

Did you call because you heard I was looking for you?

No, because I needed money. Would you please instruct the —

- I'll tell you later. - Whenever you like.

"We're just good friends," says Count Lech.

This rag here. The pigs!

You've only seen yesterday's papers. I thought as much.

If you'd bothered to glance at this morning's,

you'd have seen they carry the story on the front page.

See for yourself, Professor. We're the news of the day.

I filed a libel suit at once, of course,

after consulting with Professor Verardelli

and Mr. Alcamo,

but, under the circumstances, with no power to bring evidence —

That was the worst thing you could have done.

If there was ever a time to buy the press off, that was now.

What a thing to say! We were negotiating, but after the police raid,

the press got hold of the story and things came to a head.

And of course the price went sky-high.

Could I be responsible for negotiating a sum like that?

- Do you want to know how much? - I don't want to know anything!

You could have asked my wife for the money.

Talk sense! Your wife?

Sure, why not?

Oh, yes, just like that. Where is your wife anyway?

How should I know? Where is my wife?

That's what I'd like to know. Your wife's vanished.

Vanished?

- There, see? - See what?

You don't realize how serious the situation is.

Wait a minute. Your wife went out yesterday afternoon

to go to the hairdresser's.

She never came back.

Her father has called four times

to ask her to join him in Burgenstock at once.

But she hasn't arrived in Switzerland yet.

In fact, I can assure you beyond a shadow of doubt

that your wife hasn't crossed the border

by car, by rail or by air.

Understandably, in view of my concern,

on the advice of the Professor and Mr. Alcamo,

I thought it best to call the police.

As a matter of fact, we actually went

to police headquarters ourselves,

where the inspector, a real gentleman, wasn't he?

He was very kind and —

Speaking of which, we were supposed to call him.

Why do you have to ask him where my wife is?

Ask Antonio, ask Franz!

Antonio and Franz! Whatever next!

You don't realize how serious the situation is.

I do realize! And I thought you were a genius, whereas —

Hello, police headquarters? This is Mr. Zacchi.

Put me on with Chief Inspector Pizzi, please.

He's out? But we had an appointment!

Tell him I'll call again.

THE FLAMES OF YOUNG COUNT LECH

Ottavio, calm down. Don't be so childish.

Leave the servants out of it.

We have to stop the scandal, not spread it around.

I'll ask Antonio to bring us a drink then.

But if you had worried less about my wife

and more about keeping the press quiet —

I worried about your wife for reasons you should understand.

Out of humanity, for one thing.

- You called, sir? - I've been calling for an hour!

Go and ask the gentlemen if they would like a drink.

Your wife is young and foreign.

She may be distraught by the scandal.

My lord?

Right away, my lord.

Move!

Because let's face it, it is a scandal.

- You should have prevented it. - How?

I'll try to save you from the consequences on all sides.

- Including the tax man. - The tax man my hat!

You're not being sensible.

- Would you like a drink? - No, thank you.

I'll have some coffee.

Franz, coffee! And a martini for me.

Cocktails, huh?

I'll have plain water with lots of ice.

We need that here — ice.

Listen, if we thought it was essential —

Don't raise your voice, please.

Let's have no arguments, no digressions.

If we thought it was essential for your wife to be here,

it was for a good reason, as the professor will agree.

Oh, I quite agree, Mr. Zacchi.

Mr. Alcamo and Mr. Simone? We all agree.

A gesture by your wife would have made an impression.

Her sympathy, her support, her —

But what do we have? Nothing!

You know your father-in-law has frozen all your bank accounts?

Yes, sir, yesterday morning. It's within his power

due to that unfortunate minor detail, whereby the property

is all in your wife's name in Switzerland.

We did it for tax purposes. So?

So we're in your father-in-law's hands.

That's fine provided we all get on well together.

But if there's talk of a divorce, it's a —

It's a disaster.

Not that you can really blame your father-in-law.

If you get mixed up with expensive call girls,

it's the least you can expect.

But apart from the money, I can shrug at his moral concern.

What worries me is your wife's attitude.

She probably doesn't want to help you if she's gone.

What is it?

Her ladyship is in her room.

In her room? Since when?

She came back just after his lordship.

When she heard the gentlemen were here, she didn't want to disturb you.

- Go on, Zacchi, call the police. - You can laugh!

Ask them for information.

Now where are you going?

To see my wife. You want me to talk to her, don't you?

Yes, that's right.

You know what to say.

Expect her to be hurt and miserable, but you work on her.

We need a statement for the press.

Money, if we have to move in the jungle!

She must make a supportive statement.

Gentlemen, I'll do my best.

Ottavio, there's one more thing.

Every one of those girls named you to the police.

Are you sure?

Well, it's not surprising. My advice is deny everything.

Or admit the absolute minimum if there's no alternative.

But be careful, a wife is always — You know what I mean.

We'll wait in the library and hope for the best.

- Ottavio! Easy now. - Go away!

Pupe.

Pupe.

Just a minute, dear.

Where have you been?

I was getting worried.

Answer me.

You've seen the papers, huh?

What?

More lies than anything, you know.

I'm sorry for your father. He takes everything seriously.

Yes, he does. He really does.

What really gets me is the tone of these articles.

They sound like something out of The Merry Widow.

Filth!

Well, Pupe?

What's the matter with you?

Nothing. I want you to listen to something, then we'll talk.

I'm too tense to listen to music right now.

It's not music. Wait a minute.

You still haven't told me where you've been.

They looked for you everywhere, even the police.

I went around. I saw a lot of things.

I thought.

I made some important decisions.

I stood and gazed at a wall for a long time.

A big white wall, all white.

It was there that —

Listen.

"I love you, O cypress tree,

for your melancholy is like me."

- What's that? - A poem, stupid.

I wrote it. Do you like it?

Say you like it. I love it.

Maybe I didn't hear it right.

"I love you, O cypress tree, for your melancholy is like me."

The idea is good, but it sounds wrong somehow.

You don't know Italian well enough to write poetry.

I don't think you can say "Your melancholy is like me."

Why not?

- It's a poem. - So what? Grammar has rules.

- What is the rule then? - I don't know.

I can't remember, but it's wrong!

What a time to pick anyway!

Write it in German. It'll turn out better.

It won't. German is my language, but I never studied it.

I went to school in France and England.

Write in French or English then.

But my Italian's much better. Anyway, it came to me like that.

Poetry has to do with inspiration.

- That poem sounds wrong. - You mean it's ugly?

I have no talent? I'd better stop? I'll stop then.

I'm very sorry because it's so important for me, for you —

It sounds wrong to me, but I'm no expert.

I know. You're only an expert in… call girls.

Come on, I told you there's no truth in what the papers say.

Almost no truth.

My lawyers will deny everything.

What little truth there is is unimportant.

You're too smart not to know how to rate these things.

The rate is exactly what I didn't know until today.

The money, you mean? Surely you don't think —

I don't think, I know. The girls told me.

What?

I was with them all afternoon yesterday.

First Mirella, then Lilli.

They're all out on bail.

I made the most of it.

I wanted to get the picture.

I spoke to the organizer too. Imola.

That's her name, isn't it?

- How could you? - What's so strange?

The phone. Go on.

- What? - It's your father, calling from Burgenstock.

Tell him I'll be right there.

Antonio, ask my father-in-law to wait a second.

Yes, put him on. Oh, Antonio, I'm a bit hungry.

Yes, of course, for his lordship too.

Tell him it's all a political ploy.

I can't hear!

Why have the accounts been frozen?

You wanted to speak to him? I'm sorry.

I wanted to know why he instructed —

Daddy sends his love.

It's Antonio. Your visitors are waiting. What should they do?

They're to wait.

Thank you, Antonio.

They're my lawyers. Your father has to know

there's a lot of trouble here!

Don't ask Daddy for money. He's furious with you.

You have a good time at my expense.

Who's having a good time?

And when have we ever quibbled about what's yours and mine?

Have I ever said this house is mine? The estate is mine?

No, since they don't yield a cent.

Let's sell them then. You want the house and the estate.

Isn't that why we got married?

But there's no point in talking about it.

I wouldn't give a dime for this stuff now.

I told you, I made some very important decisions.

Either we separate, which is what Daddy would like —

Oh, so that's what your darling daddy wants?

Well, you know…

Daddy was happy we got married because of the prestige,

but he never liked you much.

He doesn't believe you're tormented.

He thinks you're just stupid and crude.

Does he now? That's nice to know.

Would you like to hear what I think of him?

- Don't bother, I know. - That's good.

There's no help for it. Daddy's a blunt, simple man.

You can't blame him for that.

To him, anyone who spends $700 to sleep with a girl

does it to have a good time, not because he's bored.

You should know me better than to think that.

Listen, I'll tell you how it all started.

It was all for old Imola's sake.

She was about 30 when I was a kid.

You could say we all started out there.

Alberico, Giorgio, me.

Then the years went by and Imola vanished.

One day we heard she was back in business again

and we felt the urge to look her up.

Like, you know, going into the attic

to look at the toys you played with as a kid.

And the girls? How do they come into it?

I told you, we wanted to give old Imola a gift.

Big deal! You gave her $700,

and she gave 400 to the girls.

You could have given Imola $300

and saved the other 400, since the girls meant nothing to you.

I doubt that though, seeing as you benefited them 11 times.

Still, they're pretty girls. Especially —

Lilli.

Lilli.

You admit it then? You liked her?

What is this, Pupe? Don't say you're jealous?

Are you crazy? We're both free to go with whoever we want.

That was what we agreed.

The marriage is between you and Daddy.

He's the one who's angry.

- Yes, what is it? - Your dinner, ma'am.

Come in, Antonio!

Put everything on there.

Franz, the champagne.

You didn't say what you wanted, ma'am, so I —

- That's fine, Antonio. - Thank you, ma'am.

- Mr. Zacchi is — - Okay, okay, I know.

Bear with me, honey.

Zacchi's still waiting.

The lawyers feel that if you make a statement to the press —

The lawyers, you say?

Let them state what they like. I'm not interested.

Isn't that what we pay them for?

Antonio, Franz, please take the cats downstairs,

feed them and get their baskets ready.

I may leave tonight, so I'll take them with me.

You're hungry?

- Franz, the cats. - Yes, the cats.

Must you get the cats right now?

Of course. It won't take a minute.

The lawyers are still waiting. What are you going to do?

You're talking about leaving, a separation —

The lawyers want a statement of moral and tangible support.

I mentioned a separation

because you may not appreciate my plans for the future.

Your call girls forced me to think things over.

Think what over, Pupe?

I want to get a job.

The phone. Hurry, darling.

My hands are full. I can't get it.

Hello?

Yes.

For you, my lord. Mr. Zacchi.

Sorry, Zacchi. Yes, I'll be right with you.

My wife? You have no idea how understanding she's been.

Yes, yes. She has agreed… in principle

to issuing a statement.

Yes, she's been wonderful!

Yes, of course.

Hello? Hello?

Excuse me, Zacchi, there's a long-distance call.

Your father again, from Burgenstock!

Hand it to me.

Now what does he want?

We made a bet.

$100,000!

Daddy thinks I'm not capable of earning a living.

Oh, no, he wet me!

Franz, take the cat… and see to the others too.

Yes, I'll have to start from scratch,

as if I owned nothing but this dress.

Well, a clean one maybe.

How about you?

Don't you think it would be fun to start working?

What fun is there in that?

The notion that work isn't boring went out with the ark.

Ask Antonio.

Yes, sir?

You're bored, aren't you?

But surely you're not terribly bored?

I mean, you're not bored to distraction?

You have some little worries, like, say —

Oh, yes, our pay! You promised me.

All in good time! You may go, Antonio.

Did you have to ask him? I can judge for myself.

Sure, since when?

And even if Antonio is bored,

he won't end up in the gossip columns like you!

What nonsense!

If Antonio has it off with a woman in the park

and then gives her two dollars, nobody cares.

They certainly don't turn it into headline news.

On the front page!

Whereas the very same thing —

It's not the same, dear.

The difference is, if Antonio, after a day's work, goes and —

Oh, you don't understand. And don't think you can put me off.

I'll start working, that's definite.

I'd like to write, but at some future time.

There are so many other jobs that have more to offer.

Not the phone again!

Yes, what is it?

Oh, it's you, Mr. Zacchi! Where are you calling from?

You're still waiting, poor man?

Professor who?

How kind of him.

He must be starving.

Yes, of course, I already told Ottavio.

Do as you think best about those statements.

Call my maid, please.

No, not a denial. We'd look ridiculous.

It's all true.

I'm surprised at you.

Your lawyers say the papers printed lies.

They want you to believe that because they think you're upset.

Mr. Zacchi, do you really think

I have a middle-class outlook?

Even middle-class women are more open-minded these days.

Yes, they are. People read, they go to the movies.

Everybody does exactly the same things.

Aristocrats, intellectuals, teenagers —

I agree with Ottavio there.

This is no scandal. This is just a banal little thing.

I told my father that too.

What did you say?

Yes, don't worry, the accounts have been unfrozen.

Daddy knows quite well

this is one time Ottavio won't do anything rash.

Pay what has to be paid, and that's that.

Erminia, would you run my bath, please?

Hello, Mr. Zacchi? I warn you,

you'll have to ask Ottavio for money now.

I won't withdraw another penny.

I've stopped living on an income. Yes, that's right.

I'm going to work.

Starting tomorrow, and I'm very happy.

No, don't say that. Do you ever get bored?

But… not to distraction?

There, see!

No, believe me, it's because you work.

Excuse me a minute.

Erminia, take the phone, would you?

Are you still there?

I'm sorry, I have so much to do.

Believe me, I gave it a lot of thought.

No, don't say that. It's not a sudden decision.

No, I couldn't say.

We'll probably split up.

I'll try to explain by telling you what I said to someone

yesterday afternoon, while I was trying to work things out.

Yes, a street vendor I stopped to talk to on my walk.

Then you try to explain it to my husband.

Where is my husband? Right here.

I don't know how to make him understand these moods of mine.

Right away, hold on.

Zacchi asks you to go to him in the library.

Yes.

Of course not!

Don't think that when I got married

I had any illusions of being able to communicate.

I knew quite well I would be horribly lonely.

I only married my husband so our property could marry.

I respect money so much that I've decided to earn it!

I want to become an ordinary woman

with a concrete job and a lot of real worries, like yours.

Yes… a physical attraction

is not enough to make a marriage.

It comes… and then it goes.

Good-bye, Mr. Zacchi.

Take care of everything and keep me informed,

or I'll be completely in the dark.

I won't even have the money to buy a newspaper now.

It's all taken care of — the family side anyway!

Which is important, isn't it?

The family is a masterpiece of nature, as Saint Iala said.

- Who said? - I'll tell you later.

Would you mind signing this power of attorney?

Then as a reward I'll tell you who Saint Iala was.

Excellent, thank you.

Thank goodness, that's settled.

Are you sure the bank accounts have been unfrozen?

Mr. Alcamo! We're still here.

I'm sure, Pupe told me.

If you'd told me, I'd be worried. Because as a lawyer,

you're worth —

She said some strange things. What's this about working?

A sudden whim?

Not that I disapprove. It could make quite an impression.

I'll mention it at the press conference. It'll help you.

Stick close to your wife. She says it doesn't matter, but —

I think it'll help if you're seen around a lot together.

Don't you agree?

Go everywhere. The opera, the theater —

- Good-bye. - You've been invaluable.

Well done, dear Ottavio.

He's a good lad really, don't you think?

- Done everything? - He just wanted a signature.

I wanted to thank you. You've been very kind, as usual.

Yes, I know.

Just one thing.

I'm drying myself, give me a hand!

What is it?

Listen, there's just one thing I didn't like.

You told Zacchi ours was a marriage of convenience,

but I wouldn't have married you

if I hadn't liked you, not even if you'd been a Rockefeller.

That's nice to know. A Rockefeller!

Starting tomorrow I'll be a typist.

No, not that. I can't type. I'd better do something else.

Maybe I'll be a stewardess.

- Are you busy tonight? - No, not that. It's dangerous.

Like to go out?

Planes crash. I'd be crazy to do that.

- Let's go to the Rock. - No, I'm going out.

- On your own? - Yes.

Oh, okay!

May I ask where you're going?

I have to call in at La Scala.

- How come? - To see Valli.

But it's nothing you'd be interested in, sweetheart.

It's about my plans for a job.

What has Valli got to do with your job?

He promised to introduce me to Gianni.

You want to model for him? Why not start your own business?

That takes a lot of money and I have none.

The belt, Erminia.

Sorry then, I get the message. I'll go out on my own.

I'll go to the club.

Have a good time!

Brush and hat, Erminia.

My jewelry.

Stole and purse, please.

Tidy up and turn the lights out. I'll be back very late.

Good night, ma'am.

Clear the table in my room, Antonio.

Good night, dear.

Franz, please ask Mario to get the car out.

The Jaguar, ma'am?

No, the Fiat. I want to drive.

Right away, ma'am.

I thought you were going out?

No, I want to read for a while.

There's no light here.

- Forgotten something? - It's all wrong.

This outfit, can't you see? Just look at it!

What's wrong with it?

It's too chic for someone who's looking for a job.

What would you wear?

You're going to La Scala, aren't you?

But I'm not going to see an opera!

When did you ever go just to see an opera?

Listen, Pupe.

I'll give you a hand.

I don't trust you.

I have very good taste.

Well? What do you think I should wear? Tell me.

Go just as you are. You look wonderful.

You're very pretty, honestly.

That's most important when it comes to finding a job.

There, see, you don't understand!

You judge by the same yardstick you use with —

Speaking of which, I'd like to know one thing.

Say when you went to see dear old Imola

I had been there with the other girls,

who would you have picked?

Careful.

You must tell the truth.

I'd have picked you.

Well, well. I'm glad.

Can you picture it? Me there, and you —

I'm going to die laughing!

- Are they going out or not? - My guess is not anymore.

Lay off the champagne!

Turn the lights out and close the shutters.

I'll just make a call.

You're always on the phone.

Hello, Gina? Can you hear me?

I can't make it.

They were going out, but they changed their mind.

Come on, hurry it up!

Yes, I know, but I can't.

Tomorrow night? Yes, okay.

I'll take you to the movies.

Yes, sure.

All right.

What do you want?

That's not a kiss. You're cheating.

You're so funny.

Do you know what I was thinking?

How often have we been to bed together

since we were married?

I don't know, what a question!

It's already 13 months. If we say an average of —

Hold on.

- At least 150. - 150 what?

Us two, together.

At what your girls charge, you know what you owe me?

$60,000!

I can buy a penthouse and open a boutique.

You're nuts.

You said you would have picked me.

I calculated the flat rate.

I mean $400, without Imola's commission.

No, no, too easy.

I don't want to make any mistakes.

I'd better not go tonight.

I don't trust Valli anyway. And you're right about Gianni.

Yes, a boutique is better.

Or antiques. Everybody does it.

It's easy. Or an art gallery. Yes, just the thing!

What's that? New?

Chanel. It's ever so old. I've had it a month.

- Never seen it before. - You don't look at me.

You may be right, but I can see you now.

- No, none of that. - I feel like it.

- Just a physical urge? - That's right.

You know what then? Go to Imola's girls.

That's what they're for. It's their job.

- But I want you. - Do you? Pay me then.

- 400 or 700? - $400.

Are you on? It's a fair price, isn't it?

I wouldn't think twice if I were you.

You'll save the extra charge.

You realize you have to earn it?

- Take Lilli now — - Oh, I know, don't worry.

Where did you learn?

That's none of your business.

Come here, come here!

Tell me. Please!

I got Lilli to explain it to me.

What?

I'll pay you, you know.

I don't trust you, dear.

In advance.

Okay.

Who?

My father?

Tell him I can't speak to him now.

Because… I'm working.

And please tell him…

I've found a job.

Yes. A job.

Thank you.

Pupe, may I come in?

Act 4

Hey there, Turazzi.

It's me.

Sure, I remember. What you doing here?

Wherever there's a fair on, I'm around.

- You'd better see to it that I pick out a winner. - This is your lucky day, my friend.

Well, give me two then. The 90 and the 5.

- That's 6,000. - You raised the price too, you little chiseler!

You think you'd pay more for a laxative. And if you win it you won't have any complaints.

All right, let's have another, the 13.

Would you maybe have a friend? Someone I can trust, you know?

- Not someone too young. - Come here a second, I got a good thing.

Don't yell! It's the kind of thing that could get us in hot water.

You just hang on. I'll sell them all for you.

- Hey, boys! Listen to me! - Oh, now look, Turazzi! Please.

I will not be an ostrich, my friends!

- That's what they said on the radio. - Well, as long as it's said on the radio —

There's a great danger of war. Why attempt to conceal it? Don't imitate the ostrich!

I declare I won't be an ostrich!

War? What war? It's you who'll talk us into a war. Ivo!

Maybe they'll ask your permission to begin.

This time it's a question of who gets to the button first. There's not much to be done.

Yes, but who'll want to assume such a responsibility in the pages of history?

You're the veterinarian. You're softhearted.

Don't bother with all this nonsense, I say. If you want to enjoy life, I'll show you how. Ivo!

What have you got, Turazzi?

A raffle, a lottery. Call it what you like, the drawing's tonight.

- I never yet made anything that way. - You'd do better to look at a newspaper!

When I follow the news, things are just as bad as now. Ivo, come on!

There's no catch here, nothing shady. It's based on the winner of the national lottery.

If the first number is 62 and you got 62 then you're the winner.

It proves you're naturally lucky.

Born under a lucky star. You'll weep tears of joy and a prize you'll never forget.

Please, lower your voices! All right, gentlemen. That'll be 3,000.

- Three for all of us? - For one. It's a bargain price too, I swear it.

- What do we get, a palace? - The most precious thing in the world!

What's the most precious thing in the world?

Please! You'll have me arrested.

- Are you the one who sells tickets? - I said don't yell! I'll be there in a second.

- Will you explain it? Don't yell it out, will you? - How many numbers in the national lottery?

- Seventy. - So that's why he's selling 70 tickets.

- 70 tickets? 70 times three means 210,000 lire. - You've seen her, of course?

Who?

I have seen her. Take a chance. At 6:00 she'll be yours, or someone else's.

6:00 precisely.

You sit down in front of your television, open those ears of yours and listen.

Bari, nothing. Milan, nothing. Cagliari, nothing —

Naples? Naples, you stop there. The very first number on the wheel, that's the winner.

- Naples, because she's a Neapolitan. - Who?

Explain to them under your breath. We're among gentlemen.

How many?

The whole block of tickets. And if I were richer I'd buy them all!

You're right. You all come with me. We'll go look over the merchandise.

- Give me number 14. - Which one?

All right. Explain to these fellows that it's a delicate matter, will ya?

Don't worry, I'll bring them back here. We're going off to have a look at the goods.

Those guys'll get me thrown into jail with their shouting. Number 14.

- And 13. - It's sold already.

Bravo, bravo! All the firecrackers. You're the sharpshooting champion.

People of Lugo, aim at the balloons. No more of those firecrackers.

Come on, onwards and upwards, there is more fun here and more kicks.

You're a real champion. Aim at the balloons. It's easy.

No pushing now. You know you don't like getting pushed while you shoot.

People of Lugo, be an example. Aim at the balloons now.

That's enough now, hmm? Aim at the balloons, it's easy.

It's easy.

Come on, see if you can hit the string. Break the string that holds the bottle

of the world-famous wine produced in the hills of Ferretti.

Try and break the string. People of Lugo, don't push now —

Hey, you play on this side! You there.

Finished shooting? That's three loads.

2,000.

Thank you, sir.

Ah, you old lechers.

Aim at the balloons, it's easy. You get one shot for 10 lire.

People of Lugo, try for the balloons, it's easy.

Do you want to reload, gentlemen? Don't you want to reload?

I must have a look at this wonder.

Pistol or rifle?

- Why, she's never seen you before. - The police must not get wind of this deal.

- He's pulling wool over your eyes. It's a trick. - Well, I swear it's all right.

I hope I drop dead right now if I told you a single lie.

Aim at the target, gentlemen.

Oh, what a target!

Well, I'm going back for a ticket, or 10!

All right, but why do you need this lottery? No more than 20,000 and you could have her.

You're wrong. Listen, I've tried it. Here you can only see her head.

Come on, we can do better than that.

- Papa, take a look at the new target! - And what do you think you're doing here?

Supposing when you win she says: "Sorry, you're not my type, sir."

Supposing she says: "You're too darn small."

And you're too darn stupid.

Come on, can anybody break the string?

Just break the string for one bottle of fine Albana wine from Ferretti.

Step right up, people of Lugo. One bull's-eye wins the wine.

Break the string, break the string. Folks, it's easy! Just break the string.

Let's have a big hand for the champ now, people of Lugo.

The prize is one bottle of Albana wine from Ferretti.

Don't tempt me, you pig!

Zoe!

- You can try those tricks on your sister. - I haven't got one.

All the better for her. Stay away until you learn some manners. That's 5,000.

- Are you crazy? - Can't you count, you cheapskate?

Shut up and pay the lady.

Aim at the balloons, it's easy. Onwards and upwards, people of Lugo.

Mamma mia, a bull!

- He's looking straight at me! - It's your red blouse! Take it off quick!

Go on, get him!

Bravo! You're a hero!

- Don't put it on again! - Yeah, don't put it on again!

- If you're shooting, stay. If not, you can go. - Hey, I've got the 13, the five and the 90.

So long.

If I could just pay a little at a time, you'll see, then I'd buy 20 of them.

Can't do that, 'cause we're always on the move. Today we're here, tomorrow there.

Well, that's a pretty high price. That's two days' work.

Oh, please, let me win.

If I win, I'll walk barefoot to the sanctuary of Saint Luca!

- Well, when do we get the results? - When the stands close up for the night.

What's your opinion?

- Let's form a corporation! I got 1,500 lire. - No, no.

- What's your objection? - I'm absolutely sure of winning.

Good night.

Good night.

How can you make a company where profits can't be shared?

What about playing odds and evens?

All right, Saverio. You sing sweet music. From here on we're partners in lust.

What do you want?

Please, could I join you? I'd like to.

- Ah, go ring your bells, little man. - This isn't for you, bishop.

I dreamt of her the whole night through. She was going to bed

and she was taking off her petticoat.

But after that there was another, and I kept saying:

"Hurry, take it all off, would you? Take it off now!"

But she kept stripping off things.

Always more petticoats! Well, she must've had on 20, 30!

"Princess Teodoli has left on her yacht for the Balearic Islands,

accompanied by Hyacinth of Belmonte, Dame Maria Gonzales,

the Marquis of Valfaruta, the Commissioner of Labor Orlandini,

Duke and Duchess of Pontesemolo, Mina and Totò di Regalis,

Giotto and Consuela Barotti,

Cris and Giulio di Mont-sant, the Count of Caprari, and" —

This is full of H's. See if you can pronounce it. I can't.

- Seems like a B. - No, that's an H.

So then he's a Turk.

"Nadine di Orsandor, Pupe Crionovesti,

Gigi de Prìa, Toni Morgandis, the Countess of Solmi.

They'll finish their cruise next month, stopping at Palermo."

The poorest is a duke.

Ah, what a fool I was not to learn how to read. If I'd just finished first grade even!

- If you spend one day at it, you can write. - So what!

Now I've got to worry about making a living. If I could only save up six million lire. Seven.

Better make it eight, and then I'll be independent.

I'll marry whoever I please, just like Countess Solmi and the rest.

Money, money, money

Makes men bolder

Especially if you're older

Zoe!

- What do you want? - I want a look. Then I'll buy a ticket.

Morons! What a pair of fatheads! I'd like to slap their faces.

- Zoe, let's have a little look at your legs. - How I'd like to beat some manners into you!

- Don't get all hot and bothered, little girl. - Be polite, you two ignorant peasants!

- Listen to her, will you? - I want to see Naples before I die!

Take off your hat, boy, when you mention Naples.

Before I'd go with those two, I'd take charity. They make you want to forget all these lotteries.

Vilma, this is the last one.

Money's the root of all evil

I want to get a carriage for the baby, lined with pink silk.

Let's pay our taxes. How'd they locate us? We never leave any address around.

- Ten years' taxes, they want it all — - Now, don't get upset. It's bad for you.

We'll give it all back to you. If you're not sure of us, we'll sign over the caravan,

the shooting gallery, all we've got.

Take it, spill and spend it —

That's better. They took the hint.

You can't even put on a red blouse. There was a bull who didn't like the color.

If you die, we'll be ruined.

Cicci.

Must have come into the world with a craving for grapes.

I've just sold the last raffle tickets.

- Who to? - Two fellas.

- The two out there? - Yeah.

But you can't just sell tickets! You have to look at the faces!

- A bit of good taste is needed in business. - I got lots of taste, but I'm no woman.

- You'd deal in white slavery if it paid you! - Should I ask for a certificate of morals?

You'd sell me to that French marquis! What's his name, Vilma?

- I think his name begins with an S. - If one of those two wins,

what do you plan to do, huh?

You sleep with them.

- I'll slip out on the first train, my boy. - We always behaved in the right way.

A fine lot of sentiments, on my skin I'll just say "so long,"

I got another offer to manage three stands. I'll say so long!

- You should show a little gratitude. - For your percentage on every sale?

You think it's easy peddling chances on a raffle? Those prices are high.

They gave more than a million in Rome. It was in the news.

- But that's the capital. It's a very chic crowd. - Maybe you think I'm not chic enough!

- Well then, so long! Ciao, ciao! - You're crazy! I'll have to refund the tickets.

So return the tickets! Enough, enough!

Zoe, stay here. Don't abandon us.

Then talk to him! I'm not his slave girl!

I won't end up like my mother. That's all, ciao!

I feel terrible. I feel awful.

Wait. Wait a second. Vilma.

Vilma, I was kidding. I'll stay. I won't leave you. Get some water right away. Vilma.

Vilma, open your eyes. Say something. I'll buy you a television set, anything you want.

They'll take away all we've got, all. They'll confiscate our little caravan.

- Calm down now. Take it easy. - They've increased the booth area rates.

- What are booth area rates? - A tax for your standing area.

- 16,000 per square yard. - Never mind, Vilma. I'll fix it for you.

I swear. But you can't get upset like this. This little creature will be terrified.

Listen, it's already moving.

It's really moving.

- You still got some tickets? - Sorry, sold out.

That will be 4,000 lire.

How is the bull doing?

Good evening. Come for a ride.

Sorry, I'm on duty.

- Well, tonight, when you're through work. - I would like to.

- Fine! It's a date. - No, not tonight.

- Oh, why not? - Because I got — Well, I'm busy.

Doing what?

Why should I tell you?

- Oh, come on! Tell me. - Will you load this pistol I paid for or not?

- Hey, hey! If you're in such a hurry, go! - I paid!

I couldn't care less!

- He's right, he paid. - What business are you in anyway?

- What about the customer's rights? - This won't end here.

Want to shoot this?

So practice.

- Hey, have you got a boyfriend? - Me?

Well then?

Caspar, where have you been?

What on earth are you doing there? Get on!

Don't you know someone has to ring the bells for the procession?

We've got a block of 50 raffle tickets out of 70. The stud's got to be out of this stable.

Hey, listen. The winner's got to come across with the story, all the details, the whole truth!

- The whole truth, and nothing but the truth! - Watch the screen.

They take so long!

Thirty-eight? I got 38! Hey, I got it!

Let's have that door shut.

- Tell the bishop to make less of a racket! - You'll never come to any good.

The second number is 22.

- Have you read the declaration of Khrushchev? - Oh, stop bothering us!

We repeat the results of the drawing at Rome: 38, 22 —

- Well, boys, what's new? - We're waiting for the drawing.

Don't forget works of charity.

- Sorry, I have to go. - Come on, you can stay a little while longer.

- Hey! - Where did they hit you? Here?

- Yes. - I'm going to strangle them.

Are you crazy? Where are you aiming?

- Aim at the target, cross-eyes! - I won't play, then.

I'm sorry.

Time for Naples.

THE DRAWING FROM NAPLES

Eighty-nine!

Our first draw is number 68.

Who's got 68? 30,000 cash for the 68!

35,000!

Wait a minute.

Who is the winner?

A nice guy, the 68.

- Who is he? What's he like? - His name's Formini — Caspar.

He's a decent sort of fella. He goes to church.

Amen!

Who's got 68?

68? How should I know?

- Well, where's Ivo, and where's Zoe? - Are you here for the taxes?

Now what do you think of this? They say I look like my mother.

Yes, look at the mouth, the forehead.

Oh, I've got a lot of others too.

Just a second.

It's all under control, gentlemen,

and the winner's already known in the person of Signor Formini, called Caspar!

Caspar?

- The bishop? - The bishop?

Here.

See the nose? Yours is even finer.

But look here. You see this? He's much more handsome, don't you think?

- Do you have 68? - Yes. That's how old my mama is.

- I'll buy it off of you for 35,000. - Forty-eight cash! You won, Caspar!

What's wrong, Caspar? Just a second, look out now! I'm going to let go, help me!

42,000 for it, Caspar! Come on, Caspar!

- Good night. - Good night, Irina.

- We're through. Come on. We'll go dance. - Oh, it's impossible. I've got a headache.

She's got a headache. Good night, Geno. See you tomorrow.

- Lovely tune, eh? - Yes, but I happen to have a headache.

Oh. Don't worry, it'll go away.

We'll really have fun.

Ciao, Geno. I'll see you tomorrow.

- Oh, come on! Just one dance. - She can't. She's got a headache.

Lets do a cha-cha-cha.

Zoe!

- What do you want me to do? - It'll make your aches disappear. Just watch.

Zoe, come back. Come on, Zoe. It's time!

I told you to let go of him.

It's not my fault. He won't let go.

- What do you want from me? - Just one dance and we'll all go to bed.

Zoe!

I've got to go.

Bet he doesn't have the nerve. It's 1:00.

It's 12 minutes to.

That's 40,000 lire. What more do you want? I was the first one to give you the news.

Hurry, my son. It's already 10 minutes to 1:00.

Forty-five!

With that kind of money you can go to Bologna and marry a countess.

Word of honor, you'll marry a countess!

50,000 lire!

Come on!

Don't let yourself be bullied, Caspar.

Enjoy yourself! Enjoy yourself!

Bad thing!

Good-bye now, Zoe. We'll be coming back after.

You see, that girl just isn't your type and never will be.

And besides, hard cash is hard cash.

No, no. It's no use.

This guy's crazy. He's refused 60,000.

I'll make it 80,000!

Caspar, you've never seen such wealth! Listen to a friend.

Think of your mother.

- Yeah, think of your mother! - It's all over tomorrow morning!

- Life is long, Caspar. - You've got the future to think about.

Caspar, you ate cabbage an hour ago. It's difficult to digest. You might faint in there.

And besides, you get emotional, Caspar. Chances are you can't take the strain!

- Look at that imbecile! - He's gone crazy.

- What's he think he's going to accomplish? - Nothing!

- 60,000. - 80,000! In three months.

Ah, go to hell, then!

What's he think he's going to do?

Imbecile!

Come in.

Good evening.

The door, please.

If you want to, sit down.

Sixty-eight.

It's not fake, is it?

I have such a bad headache.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

Stop!

Stop, will you, please?

What's the matter with you?

They were headed toward Vigna Cavallo.

- Have you seen a caravan? - Just follow along this way.

- Oh, yes, papa. - Hey, what are you doing up at this hour?

Watch out!

Watermelon!

Geno! Hey! What's the big idea? Hey! For God's sake.

Where are you going? Come here.

What do you use for a brain?

Are you finished so soon? Did you get tired?

Did you hurt those big hands of yours? Big and dirty, they smell like a stable.

What do you take me for? I'm a respectable girl, don't you forget it!

And for your information my father was respectable too.

And I'm free to go where I please, and when I have a debt, I pay it.

Understand that, you fathead.

You are a fathead.

What do you think I am? And who do you think you are?

I'll bet you never toured Italy! Ignorant lout!

You'll always be an ignorant lout! I'll fix you.

And you? Do something! What sort of a man are you?

Come on, let's see.

We'll show him a thing or two! I'll even take off my shoes!

Do something!

Sit down here.

- Why are you called Caspar? - It was my grandfather's name.

Here. Here's the money.

Just take it all, and we'll forget about it.

- But why? - Can't you count?

You've never seen such a fortune.

But actually, I have the right to —

What I mean is the law says —

Look now, Caspar. Think how much you'll buy with it.

Let's have a smile.

Smile.

You can have your tooth replaced or go out to one of those big good dinners.

With coffee and ice cream, once a week for a whole year.

And afterwards you can give a present to your wife, to your children.

I haven't got a wife.

And is that my fault?

Come on. Don't be so difficult. Good-bye now, Caspar.

- Couldn't I? Maybe? - What?

Supposing we split it?

And what would you get for it?

We'll think of something.

Why don't we just forget it, Caspar?

At least a kiss?

- At Lugo, may I say — - What?

- You can say whatever you want. - You see, they make fun of me.

Hooray! Hooray for Caspar! You're a real man.

How was it?

Oh, money, money, money When you've struck it

You know that you're in luck

It's the battle of the buck That's all

When you got dough the boys will love you for that

And when it's gone they leave you flat

Hooray for Caspar! You're a hero!

You're a swine!

Hey, Adelmira, you're too old to appreciate such things!

Swine!

Every one of you, you're all swine!