Original subtitles

I actually don't know where it is.

I mean, we're...we're quite close to Albania here.

It's not in Albania, is it?

Well, we're in Corfu.

I mean, it's hardly the busiest of roads, so they're going to spot us.

I mean, look, I'm wearing canary yellow.

What I really like is where you've been wearing your socks.

I know.

Do you know what? I can never get rid of them.

Salt. That is too much salt in your diet.

Is it really? Yes, you're retaining all your water.

Can I just say, your breasts have got bigger since the last one.

They have, it's because of saganaki cheese.

Saganaki. That is my favourite thing to eat.

What, have you just been rubbing it straight in?

Oh, look. Ooh!

Hello. Amanda Holden?

Yes, please. Ah, brilliant.

We're going to Kok...kini...

Kokkini? Kok... Kokkini.

Kokkini, is that a place? Yes, yes. HORN BLARES

Kok... Kok... Kokkini? Sure. Alan, jump round the other side.

Lovely. Sorry, sorry. Get in.

Yes.

Oh.

HORN BLARES

LAUGHTER

Someday Somewhere by Demis Roussos

Amanda and I are ready to kick off our fourth project.

Er... LAUGHTER

Er, no, no. No. No, we're just good friends.

Although we'll probably end up together in the end.

With 4.5 million Brits heading to Greece every year,

I've found a home in need of TLC on the Ionian Island, Corfu.

We've holidayed in Greece together.

We fell in love and then... Yeah. ..when we saw it...

With the area.

I didn't fall in love with her.

Mrs Carr. Mrs C. SHE LAUGHS

I love Corfu.

I can't lie, I come here every year.

Honestly, it feels like a second home.

I have hardly done any exploring

because I just lie on my back with a book,

but every single restaurant and every single bar know me, strangely!

Nicknamed the Emerald Isle,

Corfu is full of lush landscapes,

jaw-dropping historical sites

and was put on the map for us Brits by famous conservationist

Gerald Durrell, who fell in love with the island's flora and fauna.

Greece has got so much to offer.

You've got all the deep stuff,

like the mythology and Hercules and all that,

and then you have the camp fabulousness of Mamma Mia!,

and then you've got Shirley Valentine,

so I want to have a bit of everything.

And I also want to find a Greek God.

A man.

Oh, that sea is so gorgeous. That view is just unreal, isn't it?

Just an hour's drive north of Corfu town on the east cost,

with stunning views across the sea to Albania,

our new fixer-upper is nestled in the hillside village of Kokkini.

We have never done a family holiday home,

so close to the sea as well, so that is what we're doing this year.

I'm... I'm, like, living a dream.

I think the house is going to be a lot smaller

than the one we did last time...

Oh, that's good, that's good. ..which means, I think, less work.

Yes.

This is my fourth renovation. I've learned so much.

I feel I know now about 40% of the names of the equipment

I will be using, so that's progress.

I just feel like, bring it on, hit me with it.

Here we are.

Where is it? Just here.

Hang on...

It's a dump.

Bye-bye.

Don't leave us here.

Let's just stay positive. What's this? Look! What's that?

Someone's written, "Keep out - condemned,"

and it's in blood.

It feels like there's all diseases in there and if you open the door,

you're going to release them in... Oh, no!

All the flies are going to come out! Yes!

That's why...

Oh, my God.

There's me saying it's going to be easier!

It's even worse on the inside! Oh...

This is a joke. This is a joke!

Look, it's got a lovely pitched roof.

Here.

And over here... All right, Kirstie Allsopp, chill out.

Is that a...?

Oh, it's not poo, is it?

Why does everyone do a poo in the houses we go in?

That's even bigger than the one in Andalusia.

CLANG!

Here we go again.

Another dump, another poo on the floor...

..another sense of doom.

What is this pi...? Oh, my God.

The pipe goes there. Is it...?

And that's where the poo is!

The poo's at the end of the pipe! That is poo and it's there!

These are prescription.

I keep taking them off, just to make it look better.

Alan's reaction is the worst that we've had...

What room can we have a massive pipe?

Would you like a nice cup of tea?

SHE LAUGHS

How do you like it? I mean...

..but you just need to be able to see past...

..all of this crap.

Look!

This is amazing.

That goes right back.

You could definitely keep that.

Where are the stairs?

Is that it?

I mean, the house is dishevelled enough,

but then to have an outside staircase as well

just doesn't make sense.

I mean, I'm old now, I'm old.

I need to wee, twice sometimes, during the night.

And this is an orange tree, Alan.

So, it's, like, half garden, half lay-by.

Ugh, this is just disappointing.

No, it's not. Let's get up the stairs.

Oh, Alan, this is cute.

This is cute.

Look, there's a mushroom on the ceiling.

Oh, no, that's a...

Is that a mushroom? Yeah, that's a mushroom.

Oh, my God.

Look at the view.

No, that view is worth it.

It's not, but I feel like I should be positive.

SHE LAUGHS

Amanda's super excited...

..but this has just floored me.

There's hay on the floor. Who has lived here?

Animals. We've never had an animal be a previous tenant.

I'm very positive about the upstairs.

In all honesty, in all the renovations that we've done so far,

this is definitely the worst,

but I'm bloody-minded, really, and stubborn, and I won't be defeated,

so this house will not win.

I will.

That tooth down here, that's like a dog. I call that my dog tooth.

Yeah, why's it poking in the wrong direction? It's poking out.

Overcrowding.

But, on the plus side, I always get a little snack trapped in there...

Oh. ..so, it's good for, like, you know, when you... A bit of egg.

SHE SUCKS TEETH Oh, that's good.

Yeah, nice. Mm.

Still reeling from seeing our worst wreck ever yesterday,

we're off to pick up Scott...

There he is! Ah, there he is!

Ha-ha-ha! We found him!

..who can hopefully put our fears to rest.

Quick!

Hello, darling! Hi! More kisses.

Wow, lovely Scott.

How are you? We're good! How are you? I'm great.

So, what are we going to start with first, then?

Well, cos I've got loads of work on in Sicily,

I'm not going to be able to be here all summer...

What? What do you mean? ..so I'm only going to be able to

pop out and see you every now and again,

and kind of keep my eyes on it from a distance.

But don't panic - I've got us a great local builder.

What's his name?

His name's Stamatis. Stamatis.

And he's going to be our Scott for the summer?

Our Greek Scott. Am I that easy to replace?

No, darling, you are not. SCOTT CHUCKLES

So, what are your ideas with the house?

Demolition ball right through it.

LAUGHTER

Scott's taking us to Stamatis's office in the heart of Corfu town...

..a Unesco World Heritage Site where the Greeks, Venetians, Romans

and even us Brits have left a mark here, one time or another...

Good morning. Hello. Ahh.

Yassou. How are you? I'm fine, thank you.

..and we're hoping Stamatis, who's been building on the island

for the past 20 years, can help us leave our mark.

Can you transform our stable into a home?

Actually not.

No! He's lying to you, he's lying to you!

LAUGHTER

And also, we've got a problem.

You know the outside stairs?

But it's so weird, having the stairs outside!

The traditional houses here,

they're being protected by the archaeological department,

and we have to follow their regulations.

Perhaps if we gave them some euros?

No chance!

Me as a honeytrap? No way!

We thought we could do white building, blue shutters.

That would be my dream.

In a different island, yes.

Santorini, Mykonos... You must have seen Mamma Mia!

You know Abba? Abba? You know the ABBA movie?

I'm a little bit young, but I remember them.

But we're not allowed to do these kind of colours.

You know, for outside we have leave it as it is,

internal, we can do things.

OK, so let's see some plans, yeah? Yes.

To turn our wreck into a family holiday home,

for the first time, we have to gut the entire house,

removing a dividing wall to create a big living-dining room

with the adjoining modern kitchen.

The patch of land in front of the house becomes a private

Mediterranean garden with an outdoor kitchen and plunge pool.

As a traditional Corfiot house, the external staircase stays put,

but we'll reconfigure upstairs to create both master

and children's bedrooms with stunning sea views.

We'll also turn the landing into a reading room, and next door,

as ever, Amanda has big plans for the Greek-themed bathroom.

Why do you want a round bath?

I want it to look Greek, I've got my mood board,

I'll show you my mood board. OK.

It's a blue and white Greek bathroom.

Is there even a round bath in Corfu? Uh-uh.

On the island, no? We can make it out of cement.

Well... No! Yeah?

It's gonna fall down!

Finally, I've found someone who can say no to Amanda Holden.

It's lovely working with you!

With plans in place and a new builder on board,

Alan and I can take a breather and get inspired by island life.

Alan's the captain.

So, we've come to our local harbour in Kassiopi to explore

Corfu's beautiful coastline.

OK, let's go through the map, here, be very careful

in the water, you see this.

All this shallow bit is a rock, OK? Oh, God.

You're gonna stay away from that.

This is a rock around the harbour, if you do decide to go here,

enter a note...

This is like an assault course.

I thought it was meant to be a leisurely drive.

Have a lovely day! We will.

Thank you so much. OK. Pray for me!

OK, right. Push it right up.

Right, right, I'm going... Push it up.

So, that's, is that too fast? There we go. No, that's good.

And then just come this way a bit more.

OK, this is good.

What you don't wanna be is in...

Oh no, no, no!

You don't wanna be in there, way...

No, I think we need to go a bit slower.

No, this is good, you just need to get away from that boat's waves.

Oh, darling, there, right, keep it there and put the throttle up.

Up? Up. Are you sure?

It's a bit better to go a bit quicker. Whoa!

I've never done this before.

Oh, give over, have a bit of confidence in me.

Stop it now, I can't see, you idiot!

You've scratched my face.

I'm so sorry, safety first.

Oh, no! Argh!

Oh, my God.

So, at least I won't drown.

See, I should help myself first, not the child. Yeah.

Excuse me?

Oh, my God!

Alan, don't oversteer, steer it there.

One minute you say, steer away,

then you say, don't oversteer it, I mean, what do you want me to do?

Can you take over?

Oh, I'm gonna take over. I'm gonna have to put it down.

Just move there.

I don't really understand what's going on.

After a rather treacherous journey...

Right Alan, I need you to drop the anchor.

Drop!

Oh.

Have you dropped it?

Yeah, but I don't know where it's gone.

..we've arrived at the White House,

once home to Gerald Durrell's eldest brother, Lawrence.

Now a taverna, it's the perfect spot to get our creative juices flowing.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

I could kiss him.

I think when we've renovated before,

we've always sort of been inspired by the aesthetics of the country,

you know like a tile or a bold print or something. Yeah.

But with Greece, it's all a bit subtle, isn't it?

Yes.

I just think everywhere is stone, white.

Yeah. Peach, pink.

I mean, that is the tradition. Yeah, yeah.

I feel like this house might have to be subtle.

The tradition is being Greek, isn't it?

And it's the mythology, it's the lifestyle,

it's the diet, it's the thinking.

It's an attitude, innit?

I think while we're here we need to embrace everything we can

culturally, so learning a bit more about mythology, eating healthily.

We're both animal lovers.

Wouldn't it be nice to do something for animals?

Well, we're here, like the Durrells.

Yeah, wouldn't that be... Oh, my God, yes.

In his footsteps type...

Yeah, I definitely think so, yeah, I think it'd be nice

to give, you know... Something back?

I reckon that sea air has affected your brain and your mood, Alan,

because you now seem quite uplifted.

I think it's because I nearly died on that boat, I thought

I'd give life a second go!

As well as saving the house, you need to save my love life.

Oh, I do need to save your love life.

I'm single, ready to mingle, I want a Greek...

Well, I mean this is... I want a Greek God.

This is danger for me

because you know this is something I'm gonna love.

I don't know why but I just feel like, you know, 50 is approaching,

I've done my bit by myself and I just wanna share my life

with someone. So, yeah... Aw.

But don't go mental,

because there was a stage where you were just asking anyone.

I'm looking for Hercules, I want Hercules.

To help us picture what our place could become,

Stamatis has invited us to see one of his former renovations...

Nice, innit?

So stunning.

..a traditional Corfiot olive farm that owners Sara and Kevin

fell madly in love with four years ago.

Hello.

Hello, Amanda, nice to meet you.

Oh, my gosh, this is gorgeous. And we know who this is.

We know who he is. Yes, hello.

Here's trouble. Oh. Welcome to Barbanichos.

It was worse here.

This was worse than ours? No way. Yes.

Oh, it was terrible.

This is the same kind of shape as ours.

It is the shape. It really is.

Yeah, it's two floors here and the kitchen next door, you know?

But everything was falling down.

The roof was falling down. Like ours? Yes.

What it worse than ours? Yes. Oh, my gosh. See!

We just weren't filled with hope.

Well, I was because I can see potential.

Do you know what we've got, we've got a staircase outside.

That's... So have we.

It's just an odd thing to get used to, isn't it? Yeah.

We thought we want to remain true to the Greek tradition.

And if we want to bring back all that... Yeah.

there's only one builder, and that is you.

Oh, that makes us feel better.

Will ours look like this, please? Can it look like this?

We're gonna find out. Let's have a look inside.

Yes. Oh, my God.

Lovingly restored by Stamatis, Kevin and Sara decided

they wanted to preserve as many original features as possible.

What do you think?

I love the stone, we need to bring as much as stone as possible...

Definitely. It feels traditional yet fresh.

And clear, and new. Yeah.

But it's lovely and cool.

So that's a really lovely thing, that, isn't it? I know.

It's never hot in here. No.

It's the wall, you know? Like, it's 60-centimetre thickness.

Here is our bread oven.

Oh, I love... It's a bar, Alan.

I love it!

What a clever idea.

Everything's from Corfu though.

They came here and went, "I wanna live here."

Whereas I had the complete opposite when we saw our hovel.

You did, Alan, yeah. Sorry, home.

But now I've seen this, I realise it could be lovely.

This is the kitchen. Oh...

Yes. And these are all the stone.

This is an amazing floor.

Oh, this is nice.

We could do this, that's amazing.

The flagstone floors and how simple it is inside. Yes.

And I think for the first time ever, we're gonna have to keep it simple.

Simple, rustic yet warm.

Greek Chic. Greek Chic.

Yeah, so I feel, I don't...

I don't only feel hopeful, I feel inspired.

This was here but you had to lift it, didn't you?

Yes, we lift it up, we put new grout, new cement underneath.

I think we've struck gold with Stamatis.

But if it all goes wrong,

he could be a tribute act for Tony Hadley in Spandau Ballet.

Gold!

Inspired to get to work, we're back in Kokkini,

but before we can renovate, the place needs a huge clear-out.

It's nice to have a different colour jumpsuit.

I mean, when my mum sees this, she's gonna be like "Oh, 'Manda,

"what were you thinking, it's gonna get filthy."

I know, but don't you think we look like a forensic team?

Yes.

CSI Kokkini!

And with Scott scooting back to Sicily shortly,

there's no time to waste.

Scott! There he is.

You're very clean and white. Innit? Mwah.

It's not gonna last. I can't believe you've gone matching as well.

I know, for once we are equal. Yeah.

But not that equal, I've got a evil eye... Oh, well...

..to save me from bad design choices.

These are like little moon boots, I quite like them.

And one thing I wanna know about this pipe up there, is that...

You are kidding me! What? What?

No! What? This is so unfair.

Does that pipe go over there as well?

Oh, my... Oh, my God!

What? I hate you.

What is wrong with you, Amanda? You look like...

Fired out of a cannon.

We have the same jumpsuits.

You like you're going into Eurovision.

Representing Greece. Nil points.

Oh, I love it, but I hate you.

I know, I know, I know, now come on, please.

Where were we?

Less of the mucking around, we've got this house to do.

We just need to get everything out, really. Gloves on.

Mine doesn't really go,

if only I had like five little flags to hang off my fingers.

Sorry, too soon.

OK, let's get rid, let's get rid.

On first inspection of the house,

you go, "Oh, my gosh, there's not a lot to save."

Over the pipe. There you go.

Oh, God.

But we are all about upcycling

and trying to utilise what we've got.

I think we should keep these chairs.

Because they're quite '60s and then maybe recover these.

But by favourite thing at the start of a renovation is turning

the house into, like, just a blank canvas and a box.

For me, this is an eyesore, even my evil eye started twitching

when it saw this poo pipe.

Shall we take it out?

Oh, do you not need a specialist poo remover?

I don't think that's a job.

Wait, I'll just get the Yellow Pages.

Specialist poo... Are you a poo remover?

These are tough...

Oh, we're not... There you go.

Imagine if a turd just flew straight out there.

I've never seen anything like it.

Have a poo pipe sort of go through the whole house.

Because it sort of just dissected the whole room.

Once we dismantled it, I felt better, I really did.

Poo me, poo me...

Poo me, poo you.

Oh, no, Amanda, Amanda, you've got a skiddy on the back.

That's a gamechanger.

With progress on the house at last, Alan and I are off to help out

with another passion project whilst we're here.

Durrell Street. Ah.

They've named it cos of him, ain't they?

We're the same when it comes to animals.

Inspired by Gerald Durrell's love of animals,

we want to volunteer at a local sanctuary.

It's the cats in Corfu, there's loads of cats.

Loads of dogs. Yeah.

But I can't go back with a dog,

I really can't, because I've got two rescues already.

And yeah, it's enough, it's enough. I know.

Because I've got Rita who is deaf as a post.

Oh, yes, Rita.

And then I took a gamble and got another rescue dog.

Now I've had two female dogs before, but we had them done,

so I've never had them, you know, due on in their cycle. Yeah.

And it's true what they say, there was dogs running

over from the park and doing their, having their way with Rita...

Oh, my God, oh my God. ..and Rita was loving it.

Oh, my God, Alan!

But then I bought, the reason I rescued the two dogs

from the animal sanctuary was so I'd stop unwanted pregnancies.

Yes. So, then I rang up the woman

and apparently there is a morning after jab for your dog.

There is not?

Yeah, so I took Rita down to the vets, I'm sitting in the waiting

room and then the receptionist goes "Rita Carr, morning after jab."

And I was like...

I could see, I could see people looking at me like, hmm...

Judgy.

And I was like, "Don't slut shame my dog."

Oh.

It's really peaceful, isn't it?

Oh, it's lovely.

Oh, hello, you all right? Hello, good morning.

Hello, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Welcome to Corfu Donkey Rescue. Hi.

Keen to give back to the island by volunteering our help

across the summer, we're meeting fellow Brit, Julie...

Glad you found it. Yeah.

..and her counterpart, Stamatis, who runs Corfu Donkey Rescue,

a shelter for 27 donkeys and other animals from across the island.

We had a donkey family arrive not so long ago.

Quinn is pregnant.

AMANDA GASPS Do you know what she's having?

A donkey, hopefully.

LAUGHTER

But they have a little baby called... A baby boy called Wogan.

After Terry? Yes.

Ahh! Wogan the donkey! It's great, isn't it?

Oh imagine, if they have a little baby, they can call him Alamanda.

Absolutely. Yeah, I...

Your face is saying no.

LAUGHTER

This is little Wogan.

This is Wogan? This one with the nice dark-brown hair cos...

And they're fluffy, yeah. Yeah.

Hello, Wogan.

Hello, babe.

Oh, my God, Alan, it's so soft.

He's so gorgeous.

Where do the donkeys come from?

Erm, most of them are from, like, farming within Corfu. Yeah.

So, have their lives been all right or have they been abused or...?

Some of them are abuse cases, yeah.

And when the owners pass away,

their relatives bring, usually, the donkeys to us.

Yeah.

I feel like whilst we're here, Alan, we should try and do our bit...

Yeah. ..because that's what we love to do.

Yes. Oh, I'm up for that.

Well, it's a bit lethal, isn't it, really?

Bringing two people... Yeah. ..that are known for rescuing

animals to a place where animals need rescuing.

So gorgeous.

I'm on board. We're both on board.

I have delivered a lamb before.

And I did my midwifery training... Yes. ..so I'm on call.

I think the owners can just go home and leave me and Amanda here. Yes.

What else do you reckon's here?

Oh, I want to find some doggies.

Oh, look at the dogs. Oh, look, there's three.

Oh, my God, Alan, don't let me take one home.

Oh, darling.

This one. Oh, darling. You are so sweet.

You are a softie, softie. Oh, look.

And I love you too.

Yes, you are gorgeous. Yes, yes, yes.

To know that this is on our doorstep and we can come and be part of it

any time is amazing. Yeah.

Think I'll call you Mandy.

I think it's going to be a very good summer.

It's going to be an epic summer.

It's going to be an epic summer. It is.

Can you smell my boiled eggs?

Can you smell boiled eggs on my...

Oh! Hello... What's boiled egg?

I have boiled egg finger.

That's my breakfast. Oh, I thought it was a euphemism.

I am crouching down.

Can you smell Amanda's boiled egg? Well, I am of that age.

My eggs have definitely poached.

Mamma Mia by Abba

I feel like I've had an ouzo already, don't you?

Throughout our gorgeous Greek summer...

Wah!

Go faster!

SHE SHRIEKS Why did you say that?!

..we come face-to-face with Corfu's wildlife...

Hey, get away!

..throw ourselves into local life...

Hey! Whoa, whoa!

Why is my horse Riverdancing? SHE LAUGHS

..discover the good life...

Opa!

Your fish. Look at this.

Yamas!

..all while DIYing...

That is going to be epic. Yeah.

..the perfect family home. SHE GASPS

This is like a princess bed. I love it.

We've done it. We've done it.

I've missed you?