Original subtitles

Can you not leave your jacket just on...?

Well, has it changed shape or...?

You shouldn't be eating so many bananas. Why?

MEGAPHONE: OK. And now right a bit, Edgar.

My right, that is.

Oh, now it's come down on the left.

Yes, thank you. I can see that.

My left, that is.

Yes, it's also my left, Sue.

We're facing the same way.

And no need for the megaphone.

I'm about four feet away.

Quick as you can, Edgar. OK, let's do this.

What? What does that mean?

Keep an eye out for Blue Hat, Sam.

Blue hat. OK. With a dog.

Yeah. All right, Dad. I'm on it.

Oh, good. You're selling the doorstop, finally.

HE CHUCKLES You're selling your Potters?

Don't sell your Potters!

She's selling everything.

If it's not Norway-themed, she's dumping it.

Surprised she hasn't dumped me. Ha-ha.

These are early editions. They might be rare.

Rare? It's the best-selling book series of all time, Dad.

Yeah, well, I'd keep hold of them if I were you.

Yeah, well, you're not me.

Thank God. Bit harsh.

And you can't dress like that, by the way.

What? Why not?

You're impersonating a police officer, which is a crime.

Well, I'm in training to be one.

And you're impersonating a Norwegian, so leave him alone.

PAUL CHUCKLES Thank you.

I'm literally just wearing a jumper.

Dad, behind you! Hmm? Blue hat! Huh?

No, that's not blue, Sam.

That's, if anything, teal.

But keep your eyes out.

Yep.

We'll find the sicko.

Whoa. Hmm? Where'd you get that?

Toys "R" Us. Have a great street fayre, everyone. Stay safe.

See it, say it, s...

Solve it, if you can.

If you can't, come to me.

MIC FEEDBACK

There we go, look.

I now declare this street fayre officially open for business.

Good luck, everyone.

APPLAUSE

Stay safe, everyone. Stay safe. Yeah!

Anything for me?

No.

Oh, God, what's happening here?

Nothing. I'm just writing my essay.

No, you're not. You're looking at computer stands.

Yeah, to help me write. That's all part of the writing.

What's in the mail? Nothing for you.

It's all for Granny. What, all of it? Mm-hm.

"Essentially," is that all you've written?

Well, yeah, no, I've got lots of notes.

It's all written, in a way.

It's just not written down. Right.

"Which therapeutic techniques..."

"..might best help a client experiencing stress?"

Yes, that's...it's the title. Can you go away, please?

No, I'm having breakfast. RACHEL SIGHS

Where are the bowls? I have no idea.

Your grandmother's tidied, as in hidden all our things.

Oh, thanks, Edgar.

Absolutely. Shh.

And you, Edgar.

Yeah. Bye, then.

Bye, Edgar.

Who are you talking to? Edgar. Oh, Edgar?

Who's Edgar? Edgar!

You know Edgar.

Number 53, next to the Rugers.

Who are the Rugers?

Well, you know the way Edgar and Maeve

used to organise the street fayre every year.

Well, I'm doing it this year. How have you done this?

You only moved in about three weeks ago.

Granny, where are the bowls?

Well, I just let everybody know that I'm now living here.

Yeah, hence why we're getting sent endless adverts for baths

with doors in them.

AMY SIGHS, DOORBELL RINGS Well, this is... BOTH: Doorbell!

Where are the bowls, Granny?

Ah, now, the bowls now live up here.

Uh-huh. And the plates are down here, you see? Right.

Get down on the floor! Ahh! God.

God, Robin. Yeah, you all right?

God, that's enormous.

Oh, that's what Cherry said!

No, I didn't. No, she didn't, actually, no.

It's, yeah, it's a Methuselah. We're celebrating.

Oh, wow. What are you celebrating?

My divorce has come through. Oh.

Yeah, ring the bells. It's official - she's back on the market.

Ding-dong! Stop doing that.

Yeah, sorry. Paul, Robin and Cherry are here.

Yeah, I'm just doing my sample! Hi, Robin and Cherry!

Eh up, Paolo. What...

What, uh, what type of sample is it, Rach?

Um, it's, you know...

Don't ask. A stool. What, stool?

Yeah. Poo. He's pooing in a pot.

Oh. Gross! Yeah. Well, no, he was told to.

It's not a hobby. Sure, that's not one of Paolo's on the drive, is it?

What?! What do you mean? CHERRY LAUGHS

Is there a stool out there? Yeah.

And the rest. It's more like a bloody armchair.

Probably that dog again. Yeah. Hi, Robin, Cheryl.

Oh! What a big bottle. That's what Cherry said.

That doesn't work, does it? Hiya, Sue. You all right? Hi.

It's a Methuselah of champagne,

because I am now officially divorced.

THEY CHEER So, yay! Ding-dong! Stop it. Sorry.

Where are the wine glasses, Sue?

We're not opening it now, surely. It's ten in the morning.

Yeah, no, but... And you're writing your essay.

Yeah, but I've got weeks. And it's warm, Rach.

It's not for now. Well, then, why did you bring it round?

It won't fit in our fridge, so we wanted to see if it'd go in yours.

Oh, right. There I was thinking you wanted to see us. Huh! But no.

-Mum? -Oh, well, that's...

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think it'll fit.

Why is your fridge so full? It's never normally that full.

I did a big shop. Yeah, and I do them too, sometimes.

Mum, Mum. Oh, there he is. Did you move the scissors?

Why? Oh, they now live in that top drawer there.

Well, what... And what do you need them for? Huh?

Oh, the pot they gave me was way too small, so I overfilled it,

and I need to cut off the excess.

What do you mean? They're kitchen scissors. Eurgh!

Well, I'll wash them afterwards.

Wash them? You'd have to destroy them.

And did you do it straight into the pot?

Huh? Is that not right?

No. No! Dad! You use the scoop. The scoop?

-Yeah. -Like with ice cream?

On the lid, did you not read the instructions?

What, on how to poo? No, I didn't.

Hmm. I just figured that you had to fill it direct. Oh, my God.

But they wouldn't have given you a little pot in that case, Dad.

Yeah, they'd have given you a bucket!

THEY LAUGH

I wouldn't join in, Mum.

What, did you just curl one out in it like a Mr Whippy?

Mr Whiffy, more like!

Oh, oh, I hope you put a flake in it!

Can you stop joining in, Mum?!

Mr Whiffy.

I'm your son!

Hey, Paolo, I've got to do a little sample of my own later today.

A sperm one, though. Not the...

What, everything all right? Yeah? Uh, well, yeah, I hope so.

Dunno, just getting the old beans checked.

See what's cooking down under.

Cherry's idea. Yeah, I like to know what I'm dealing with.

Yeah. So I'm going down to the hospital to produce.

Busman's holiday, really.

But... So, what, have you got a little dodgy tum-tum, is it?

Oh, well, no, the police medical flagged up

a sensitive stomach issue,

so I need to get it checked out before my training starts proper.

You also want to get that dog checked out and all. Yeah.

It's definitely got gut-rot or something.

CHERRY LAUGHS Dog?

Yeah. Oh, I don't...

That's the third time this week!

Can you not find out who's dog it is?

Well, not by looking at its droppings, no.

It's not a Chihuahua. I'll tell you that for free.

I really need to catch them at it.

Oh! You need to get one of them doorbell cameras.

Yeah. You can see everything and you can speak through it.

You can tell them charity people to piss off

without even opening the door.

It's great. It really is.

We could do that. No, they are, they are really good.

Speaking of Monsieur Le Whippy,

have I told you my new business proposal?

Oh, no! No!

Well, strap yourselves in, boys and girls, because...

What is it? SAM: Are you buying an ice-cream van?

I am buying an ice-cream van. Well, don't ruin it. Yes. Ohh.

Well, Dean is. I'm just angel investing,

you know, but we'll make a packet, though, won't we?

The weather we're having at the moment.

You can park it outside a school.

Yeah, or a Weightwatchers, you know? Yeah, sorry.

You can, you can bring it o my street fayre.

Oh, 125% I can, Sue. I'm there.

What is it, like a little sort of festival?

It's mainly a way for locals to eat cupcakes

and complain about ugly loft extensions.

It's not great, historically.

Well, mine is going to be slaps.

Is it? Sunday the 8th at 11.

We've got zorbs. Keep talking.

A bring-and-buy sale. Right. A main stage.

Oh, yeah, who's performing?

Well, we've got a boy from number 26... Yeah.

..who's brilliant at Hula Hooping, by all accounts.

OK. And a chap who can walk on his hands.

Oh, right. And anyone's welcome to come

and sing something if they want. Wow.

Hey, you should get Sam's girlfriend down.

She's a singer. Shut up, she's not my girlfriend.

His what? OK.

OK. Oh, Samuel H Jessop, you naughty little devil.

Mm. That's why you've started washing your hair.

No, it isn't.

Busted! Well, she's more than welcome to pitch in.

You all are, actually.

I mean, Sammy's going to be filming it. Yeah.

Paul's policing the thing, aren't you?

God, is he? Yeah, doing security.

Big time. Actually, I've got some stuff I want to bring and buy.

As in sell. Sell? What do you want to sell?

Just, I want to do a big clear-out.

Get rid of all my old crap that's cluttering up my room.

OK. I mean, I've changed a lot since Norway.

I'm sorry, where? Oh, yeah, that's right.

I mean, if you're so in love with Norway, why don't you marry it?

THEY LAUGH Ow!

Yeah, mature, Dad.

What a mature thing to say. Well, I thought it was funny.

Yeah. Anyone else want to do something? Oh, Rachel?

No, I'm doing my essay, Sue, so...

Sorry. Well, you can do something small, though, surely. No can do.

No. It's not for two weeks.

Yeah, and you've pretty much finished your essay,

you said to me. Yeah, no, I have.

It'll be due in on the Monday, so it'll be done by then anyway.

So, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'll do it, if it's really easy.

-Oh, thanks, Rach. -Good, that's the spirit. OK.

Fair play.

Dad, look, dog!

Is that...?

What do you think? Maybe 4,000?

4,500. Thank you.

And your names? Annie and Marley Ruger.

OK. Oh, you're the Rugers.

Oh, yeah, great. We'll announce the winner later.

Who's the closest so far, Mum?

Um, it's a pound a guess.

What? Mum, it's me.

Oh, my God. Sorry, Sam.

Sorry, what did you say?

How many beans are there?

Oh, I've no idea.

But do you not need to know that to announce the winner?

Uh... REMIXED ICE-CREAM VAN MUSIC PLAYS

Whoa! Here, move the cones, will you, boss?

Come on. I'm sorry, the road's closed.

Yeah, need to break in the ice-cream van, mate.

Yeah, but this is a hearse. You can't bring in a hearse.

Paolo, tell him. Tell him what, Robin?

This is a hearse.

It's an ice-cream hearse, sure.

Just let us in. The creams are melting back here.

Well, have you not got a fridge or something?

No. No, just a sort of table. For a coffin.

Yeah, I know what it's for, anus, just move the cones.

Anus? And it took us ages to get here as well.

That is sort of the problem with a hearse

is you have to drive really slowly.

Right, yeah. Look, you can't bring it in here.

People will think someone's died.

Well, someone will die if I lose my creams, boy.

Deano, chill out it, brother. All right. Just move the cones, Robin. Yeah, I've got it.

I've got it. Where do you want 'em?

The traffic cones.

Yes, yes. Good thinking.

All right, I'm on it. I'm on it like Wallace and Gromit.

Come on, then. No, no, no. Do not manhandle the cones.

You're kidding me. No. Are you kidding me? Gents.

This hearse remains beyond the boundary.

I'll pick you up, mate. No. ROBIN HEAVES

Gents, can we...? N-O. no, no.

All right, fine. No. Oh. Oh, come on. That's rid...

He's being a child.

Come on, Paolo. Give us a hand.

Yeah, all right, I'll go and get Mum.

Not often you hear a police officer say that. Mum!

Why haven't you got a van?

It's normally a van for ice cream.

Oh, is it? I didn't know that. Well done, genius.

I mean... Let them through, Edgar.

Yes, you see? Thank you, Susan.

Yes, Sue! But it's a hearse, Sue.

And that one called me an anus.

You are an anus.

See, he's done it again. Calm down, Edgar.

That's just Dean being Dean. Come on, Robin.

Bring it in. I'll make you space.

Don't worry.

Sue! Sue! Off you pop, anus.

Sue, how many beans are there?

What's that, love? In here, how many beans are there?

I can't say who's got the closest guess if I don't know.

Oh, yes. Well, um...

Lots, I'd imagine. I mean, look at the size of it!

Don't you know? Did you not count them?

I've been run off my feet.

Oh, God. And it's not my stall! Oh, Sue, don't do this to me, please!

Oh, God. How many are there? Sammy, where's your girlfriend?

She's on next. Meant to be.

She's not my girlfriend, but I think she's at the archery stall.

Argh!

So she's allowed to do archery, but I'm not? Argh!

Yes. I mean, it's hardly fair if you do it,

cos you'll clean them out.

All day long.

OK, Deano, bring her through.

Yeah, I've got this. Deano, come on.

Bring her through. Ready? Yeah.

I mean, that's all I was going to do anyway.

Are we doing it together?

All right. Yeah.

Seems fair. Yeah. Just, I dunno what you're adding.

OK. And three, four.

# Losing control

# Ooh, ahh

# Ooh, ahh... # KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, what? MUSIC STOPS

Hey.

Oh, hey, guys.

Hi. Are you all right?

Yeah, why?

I heard noises. Hi, Cass.

Hi, Mr Jessop. Yeah.

Were you listening from the landing? No.

Yes, is the truth.

I... But also doing other things.

I've been tidying anyway, so...

I was singing. We're making a TikTok.

Oh, cool. Very cool.

Yeah. No, Sam said you'd be singing something

for the street fayre this weekend.

I think that will be super sick.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Sick.

I love music.

Love the Foo Fighters. Do you like the Foo Fighters?

The Foos, Cass?

Can you go away, please?

Yeah, I want to.

I just, just want to check.

You guys are being careful, right?

What? You know, you...

You know the drill.

What drill?

The being...

Protecting yourselves and each other.

OK, Dad, please go away.

This is weird. Yeah. Um, yeah.

Just want to say, ba ba ba ba,

if you need to, just, you know,

use these if you need to.

Please use these. Oh, my God, Dad.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

What did you tell them? Sorry!

We're not going out, you do know that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You're just helping me make videos.

I honestly don't know why he did that.

Yeah, I should go. Sorry.

Please d...

Watch out for the dog poo.

Watch out for the dog poo. Is that the best you've got?

She was going to tread in it.

Well, it's not exactly "parting is such sweet sorrow", is it?

Oh, has she gone, Sam?

Yep. Why has she gone?

Dad, do you want to answer that one?

I said I was sorry, Sam.

Honestly. Well, there she goes, look. It's amazing, this thing.

What, you're selling your piano stuff? Mm-hm.

Well, don't sell the bumblebee hat.

I've got pictures of you in the bumblebee hat.

Yeah, well, I got a new one from Norway that's newer, so...

And I never play my keyboard any more, do I? Coming through.

Oh, wow. What are you watching?

Paul? Huh? Oh, the doorbell.

What, The Doorbell? Was that on Netflix or something?

No, it's our actual doorbell. We've just got a camera one.

He watches it like it's a really boring film.

Yeah, well, it's better than Avatar: Way Of Water,

I can tell you that for free. OK.

I'm just keeping an eye on the driveway.

Why did you say wow just now? Hmm?

Oh, a big lorry went by.

Um, is this chutney?

Chutney? No!

Chutney doesn't live in the fridge.

No, that's Paul's sample.

Oh, eurgh! God, Dad, that's disgusting!

It's next to all the food! I didn't put it there!

I didn't put it there! Oh... Oh, Mum!

-What? -I've been looking for that.

I need to take it to the hospital.

Well, I put it in the fridge to keep it fresh.

I'm not sure it was ever fresh. Yeah, it's gone off now.

I'm going to have to refill it later, when I need to.

Ohh. Do keep us posted.

The sample has been compromised.

Oh, dear. You've not written much of your dealing with stress essay,

have you, Rachel? I know. I know.

It's almost as if putting the laptop on a stand

made absolutely no difference at all.

Oh, yeah, no thanks. Thanks for pointing that out, Sue.

No, it's fine. Once I crack the intro,

it'll all just flow out of me. Mm.

I can't find some of my notes, which has slowed me down a bit.

Oh, I tidied them.

Ooh, Robin and Cherry are here.

I can see them on the camera.

Now, papers and folders and things now live up here.

Look, Rachel. It's not...

Live just means you've put them there, Sue.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hello. How do you do that?

We haven't even rung the doorbell yet. Aha!

We got one of those doorbell cameras.

Oh! Yes.

Love it. Yes! Oh, look, look, Sam.

Yes, the dog's been. Yes! Yeah, he has. Is that good news?

He has. Yes, it is. Welcome to my web,

said the spider to the fly. I have you now!

I have you now. OK. Right.

Not you. Not you, madam.

All right, Spielberg? All right. Not you.

Hello, all! Sorry to barge in.

Just need to reclaim the Methuselah, if I may. Oh, OK.

Where is it? Have you found somewhere to chill it, then?

Aha! Maybe. Right, Kaye's brother works at Currys. Oh!

So he is going to try and pop it in one of the big fridges there

on the sly. Ding-dong! Ding...

Stop. I've asked you to stop doing that.

I know, I just miss doing it.

Your ice-cream van will have a big fridge in it, won't it, Robin?

It, it... Well, hmm, it would, yes,

but we're actually struggling to get hold of a proper van at the moment,

so we might have to make do with a, you know, car. Yeah.

An ice-cream car?

Yeah. I mean, that's all right, innit?

Is it all right for two men to cruise around in a car looking

for children to give ice cream to?

You think it'd look creepy? I do, yeah.

Definitely. That is true.

Oh, I can see that now. It does have to be some sort of van, don't it?

I can see that now. Oh, not, like, not a normal car. Yeah.

Yeah, not a Vauxhall Astra, put it that way. No.

Sam, Sam, how do I watch the footage from last night on the doorbell?

You found it, yet, Sam? Yeah, hang on.

I'm just going through the footage.

I feel like I'm going mad.

Why are you whispering and why are we talking out here?

Because Sam will film us when we set foot inside the house.

OK, fair enough.

What's the problem? Your mother is the problem.

I can't take it.

Being friends with the neighbours, constant cleaning,

the putting things away.

Do you mean the house being clean and tidy for the first time ever?

Yeah. Which is fine and good. I'm not being ungrateful.

It's just she's doing everything. It's like I've been replaced.

I wouldn't be surprised if she started sleeping next to you

and trying to breast-feed Sam. Don't be ridiculous. Well...

I have to say something. Please don't.

It will really upset her, Rach. Please.

Well, can you at least have that talk with Sam?

Cass is in his room right now.

Yes. Yes, I will. I know. Yeah.

Relax. I've got this, babe.

You know, I'm really good in these situations...

Hurry up, Sam, I need my laptop.

Yeah, sorry. I'm just, I'm going through the footage.

I'll be two seconds.

Oh, hang on.

What? Sam, what is it?

I think I've got something.

Really? Yeah.

Someone at 5:30am.

Ha-ha! That'll be it!

OK. Come on. Let's see the perp.

Perpetrator.

No, it can't be them, look. They've not got a dog.

Well, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Oh, my God.

They're emptying the bag.

The dog didn't even do it there!

No!

What the hell is going on?!

I mean, that's like terrorism, in a way. Oh, my God.

Who is it? You can't really tell.

Wow, look at them go. Enhance.

Can you enhance? I'll try and zoom in.

Hang on. Yeah.

Someone in a blue hat.

Wow.

That's the last blue hat they'll ever wear.

Dad, blue hat!

Wow.

It's all melting!

Melt in the mouth, sure.

That's already melted, before the mouth.

Why do you care about it so much?

Because we got it together.

Well, yeah, but that's OK, isn't it? I mean, I was the one who bought it.

Well, no, no, it's not OK.

Just cause it didn't happen in Norway doesn't mean

it's not worth remembering. I'm not saying that. I'm...

Sorry, OK. You're right. I'll keep it.

Sorry. This isn't for sale.

Thank you. Sorry about that.

And I really do love that bag.

Yeah.

No.

Me too, actually.

Sorry, can I just grab that?

I've decided to keep it.

Do you want a hand, Rach, or is it not that kind of thing?

I'm just counting beans, Robin, so I can't really talk.

Well, speaking of which,

I just got my bean count back from the lab.

OK. Uh-oh. If you're interested. Oh, what is it?

It's my...my sample.

Oh. The old Count Spermula.

Sperm count.

It's... No, it's not ideal, truth be told.

Not as many as you'd like

of the old little fellas.

I blame the cycling. Oh, do you?

I mean, I'm beating the jar, I reckon,

bean for bean, but...

Well, it's tight, actually. How many are in there?

I'm trying to find out, Robin. Can you stop talking about your sperm?

Sorry. It's really not helping. Yeah, it's just so acidic.

Oh... Nothing wrong with the agglutination.

Agglutination is absolutely...

That's flying off the charts.

But I think, if anything, that's what's making them sluggish.

Sam, have you seen my harp? What? What do you mean?

Well, someone's bought her harp.

Surely that's a good thing. No, I want it back.

I'm keeping it. All of it.

I've decided, for now.

What about all the Norway stuff? It's going in the loft.

The Viking invasion has been defeated.

Well, Cass is about to start and I've got to film it, so go away.

Right, helpful.

APPLAUSE

Thank you, Uno.

There he goes. On his feet this time. PAUL: Ha-ha.

And now, a very talented young singer and lady,

the wonderful Cass!

Go, Cass!

APPLAUSE

All right, Pin Oak Court street fayre. Let me hear you!

Yeah!

# Ooh, ah, losing control

# Heart's racing fast

# Neon lights Hoping they last...

Huh? # Lips shining...

Dad! Dad! What?

Look, Dad!

Huh? Look!

Blue hat!

# Here to stay, here to stay now... #

Edgar? Yeah.

It was Edgar all along.

He's Keyser Soze.

Who? Who's that? Edgar.

No, Dad, don't confront him now.

OK. God.

You put poo on my drive. No, I didn't.

Don't you dare deny it. I know it was you.

I've got proof.

You emptied dog waste outside our house wearing that hat.

EDGAR LAUGHS Where are you going?

Come back here, please.

What are you doing? Edgar, no. Unhand me.

No. Rachel, tell him to unhand me.

I'm counting, Edgar. Please don't talk to me!

I don't know what you're talking about.

Now, if you'll just let me go.

OK, OK. Thank you.

You leave me no option.

What does that mean?

I'm arresting you for placing dog faeces on my drive.

You can't arrest me. You're not a policeman.

Yet. I'm about to do the training.

So you can't arrest me YET. OK, then.

It's a citiz-iz-en's arrest, then. Citizen's.

You are hereby under citizen's arrest.

You do not have to say anything,

but anything you do say will be taken down in evidence.

That's not right, is it? OK, now what?

What? What do you mean?

Well, now I'm under citizen's arrest, what happens next?

Do you get your citizen's police car to take me

to the citizen's police station?

Well, I dunno.

Perhaps I'll citizen's arrest you back.

Well, that's not a thing, is it?

I dunno. To counteract your citizen's arrest.

Well, that can't be right.

I'm going to google citizen's arrest, hang on.

Oh, God. I mean, it's frankly a load of rot.

Well... Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got zorbs to inflate.

No, no, no, no, no! Hey, hey! You're going nowhere, sunshine.

Ah! The table, the table. No, no, no, no!

What's all this hoo-ha?

Do not kettle me. OK? Just admit it.

No, the beans, Paul!

Just admit that you put dog poo on my driveway.

It was not your driveway,

it was hers!

What? Me?

You've got nothing to do with it.

Yes, you!

Coming here, taking over the residents' association,

the street fayre, everything.

It's like a bloody coup.

A Sue-coup!

I put it on HER drive.

Well, that is OUR drive! She lives with us.

Well, I didn't know that!

I didn't even know you lived in this street.

We've lived here for 15 years.

Do you even own a dog? My brother has a chow-chow

called Dominic. He supplied the poo in the bags.

Ah, the perfect crime.

Now, if you'd just kindly... Ah!

Ah! I didn't touch him. Oh, God, it was the beans. I didn't touch him.

He slipped on the beans! Hell's bells, my back!

OK, I've got you. I've got you.

No, don't lift me. I've got a herniated disk. Oh.

Get the stretcher.

I didn't hire a stretcher!

OK, it's all right, Sue, I can get him home.

Just bear with me a sec. Uh... Deano!

Sam, what the hell are you doing?

You're meant to be filming me, not whatever that is.

I'm really sorry. That's, like, the only reason I'm doing this,

you selfish knob.

You're dumped. What?

But I thought we weren't even going out.

We weren't.

OK, I'm really confused. Sorry for...

I can film it now if you want to do it again? Cass!

Well, you deserve that, you anus.

Ow, careful of my feet! All right, all right.

Load him in. Load him in.

Slide, slide.

That's it.

Oh, God, this is hateful. OK.

There we go. Job's a good 'un.

What is it, hospital, is it, or home?

Just take me straight to the morgue, why don't you?

Hi, excuse me, sorry, I just want that back.

Here's your refund. Thank you. Sorry!

ICE-CREAM VAN MUSIC PLAYS Ah! Turn it down!

My head's by the speaker.

Oh, chill out, anus.

3,821, 3,822, 3,833.

I am sorry about all this.

What? What do you mean?

The beans, the tidying, everything.

I know I can be a bit, like Edgar said, interfering.

No, Sue, don't pay any attention to Edgar. Of course you're not.

You would tell me, wouldn't you, if I was overdoing it?

Yes.

Um...

Sue, we all feel very lucky to have you here.

Your interference is only a good thing.

I promise.

Although having said that,

I have now forgotten what number I was on.

Oh, I'll do this. I like counting.

Oh, are you sure? You do need to do your essay at some point.

Yes, no, I know that, Sam! I know that.

I just don't want to.

And please, can you stop filming me?

Because it's really not helping. OK, chill.

I can have a look, if you like.

Oh, oh, God, Maya, really? You sure you don't mind?

Yeah, I've got time to kill while Amy's boxing up her Norway crap.

Thank you!

OK, so I need 4,000 words.

Right, what have you got so far?

Hey, dude.

Sorry about your...

..not girlfriend, but Cass.

Right. Yeah.

You can probably have the condoms back.

PAUL CHUCKLES Don't need them now.

Anyway, she wasn't very nice to me, so...

Oh, I know.

I know.

You can do way better than her, mate, you know?

Come here.

Oh! Oh, don't hug me while you've got your pot!

Why have you got that?

Oh, yeah, sorry. Um...

There's one last thing we need to do.

Stay low, Sam.

Stay low, stay low.

I mean, this is horrible.

It's justice, Sam.

See how he likes it.

At least his was from a dog.

What number is Edgar again?

53. Right.

Well, this is 51.

It... What?

You have to pick it up, Dad.

You can't leave poo on some random person's driveway!

How is that justice?

I know, I'm thinking!

Wait, oh, my God! What?

Oh, they've got a doorbell camera.

Run, Sam, run!

Ah! Come on, Sam!

# Mm-mm, ah

# Losing control Close to the edge

# Close to the edge Losing control

# Losing control Your touch is the fire

# Your touch is the fire Igniting my soul

# Igniting my soul Close to the edge

# Close to the edge Losing control

# Losing control Your touch is the fire

# Your touch is the fire Igniting my soul

# Igniting my soul. #