Original subtitles

♪ [trumpet]

Doc Holliday, said by Wyatt Earp

to be the nerviest, speediest, deadliest man

with a six-gun who ever lived.

Charming Southern gentleman, dentist, consumptive,

gambler, killer--

Doc was something else few know about.

But when the right person came along, Doc was also

a con-man.

We'll see him now, and the astonishing result,

in this story of "Doc Holliday's Gold Bars."

Good morning, Doc.

It might have been.

'Cept for this faro table last night.

I heard. [ coughs ]

Breakfast, Doc?

Ah, yes. Thank you.

Not easy to buck the tiger.

Every card turned up wrong.

Still, I maintain that any faro bank can be broken.

If the player has enough capital.

The question, my friend: how to come by that capital.

[ chuckles ]

Oh, bartender, can you tell me what time the dining room opens

for breakfast?Well, good mornin', sir.

Won't you join me?

No thank you.Uh, excuse me, sir.

This is, uh, Doc Holliday.

TheDoc... Holliday?

Come now, sir.

There's no reason why two gentlemen can't enjoy

a small, pre-breakfast libation together!

Oh-- Oh, yes, sir!

Another glass, please.Yes, sir, Doctor.

Oh, I'm Walter Benson, of Chicago.

Oh, pleased to meet you, sir.

How do you find Arizona?Hot.

[ chuckles ] Yes, sir, had a little sand, sagebrush,

cactus-- about got it all.

Thank you. And goldmines.

Well, you interested in gold mines, Mr. Benson?

Oh, I'm an investment banker.

After the prospectors have searched, and sweated and scratched,

and found it, I'll buy them out.

I use money to make money.

Your health, sir.

[ sighs ]

Appears to me, Mr. Benson, that what you're looking for

are sure-fire deals.

At a price. You'll find that investment bankers

are extremely... prudent men.

Hmm.

Well, um, sometimes there's another prudent man

that has a problem, even when he's found gold.

[ laughs ] That's a problem?

[ chuckles ]

Well, there are occasions when finding the gold

is the easiest part-- then comes the problem.

Well, I don't understand what problem you have in mind.

Once the mine has been located and the ownership established--

[ chuckles ] every man has his price.

Well, all gold is not found in mines, Mr. Benson.

Some of it's found in nice, solid bars.

Solid bars? Mm-hmm!

Eighteen of 'em.

Well I-I don't understand! How?

Well, now you're beginning to understand the problem.

Disposing of it. Even at a bargain price.

These, uh, 18 bars.

I mean, what happened?

Oh, everybody knows about it.

Stagecoach holdup. Government bullion.

Marshals found the outlaws. Never did find the gold.

You uh, know where these gold bars are?

Oh! [ chuckles ]

Now, I didn't say that, Mr. Benson.

I didn't say a thing.

Well, if you'll excuse me--Oh, don't leave just yet.

You haven't finished your breakfast.

Another time, sir.

I am now going to get me some of that nice,

dry, Arizona air.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.Thank you.

♪ [ harmonica ]

[ horse neighs ]

Oh, 'mornin', Doc.

Mornin', Creek.You're up kinda early for you.

Except maybe that faro game was as rough as I hear.

Oh, that tiger really bucked me.

Fang and claw.I'm gonna break that bank one day,

if I ever get me a stake big enough to work with!

We're both about to, Creek. That's why I'm here.

Oh? [ sighs ]

I found us a nice, fat trout.

Mr. Walter Benson, investment banker from Chicago.

Who thinks my tongue loosens if I have a little sip to ease my consumption.

[ both laughing ]

Oh, I cast a fly. He'll leap for it.

Investment banker, huh?

Yeah, this one has dollar signs where his eyes should be.

What's our pitch?

You remember the Prescott holdup?

Government bullion?

18 bars solid gold, $100,000? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but they never found that. Correction:

It's just been found.

Where?

One of 'em's right down here in your well.

[ chuckles ][ laughs ]

And another one's gonna be in my hotel room.

And we hand the rest of 'em over to him when he pays us.

$100,000!Well, we-- We might discount that a little,

to say, uh, $20,000?

See, as a banker, he'll know how to dispose of those bars.

My listenin' ear is wide open. All right.

Now, you have 18 lead bars made up.

Each stamped, "Property, US Government,"

a different number stamp on each bar.

You gild 'em, and you hang one down this well.

Oh, and uh... also, let your beard grow.

Oh, get yourself a Marshal's badge, too.

Marshal's badge? What in tarnation for?

Well, you got enough to think about right now.

We'll go into the rest of it later.

[ knocking ]

Yes?Mr. Holliday?

Yes?Walter Benson.

Chicago? Remember, we met downstairs several mornings ago.

Oh, yes, Mr. Benson. Come in, come in.

Thank you.

Coffee, Mr. Benson?No, thank you.

Something wrong, Mr. Benson?

Oh, no! Well, yes.

Guns make me awfully nervous.

Oh! [ chuckles ]

Here we go.

There, is that better?

I never in my life aimed a weapon.

Let alone shoot anyone.

Well, out here, Mr. Benson,

if you aim one, and you want to live,

you better shoot it-- first.

Oh, yes, sir!Oh, call me Doc, please.

Uh, sit down. Thank you.

Now, then, sir-- How can I be of service to you?

You recall you told me the story about the stagecoach robbery?

The, uh, 18 gold bullion bars? Mm.

Anyone could have told you that.[ pours drink ]

Oh, but you-- and no offense, sir--

just hinted that you might know the whereabouts

of those bars.

Uh, Mr. Benson.

You say you're Walter Benson,

you say you're from Chicago,

and you say you're an investment banker--

Oh, identification! [ laughs ]

Good heavens! I have plenty of that.

Everybody in Chicago knows me!

There's my company letterhead,

my card, sir, and my gentlemen's club--

the dues are paid, naturally.

Well, it appears that you really are Walter Benson, all right.

[ sighs ] What I came about...

Those 18 bars.

Worth $100,000?

Well, assuming... they could be located,

what would be the market price?

$25,000. Fifteen.

[ laughing ]

You rememberin', Walter, the, uh, little matter of disposing of them?

My firm has handled gold for a number of clients.

We're in the position to deal through...

shall we say, channels?

Well, of course, that'd be entirely up to you, Walter.

Provided that the bars can be, shall we say, "located"?

Splendid! On behalf of my clients,

when may I inspect the merchandise?

$20,000, Walter?

Cash. $100 bills.

No bars, no bills.

Oh. No bills, no bars. [ chuckles ]

[ chuckles ] Walter, for an Easterner,

you sure are learning Western ways in a hurry.

Shall we go?Where are we going?

Let's just say, um, to the livery stable.

Is this the outlaw who--One of them, Walter.

One of them.

Hmm! Like a Georgia tornado hit this place.

And the gold bars are here? They didn't find them?

One gold bar. And they didn't find it.

There, Walter, you may examine the merchandise.

[ sighs ]

Uh, Doc, with your permission...

May I use this? After all, I have certain clients

who expect me to be, uh--Prudent?

Why you just go ahead and file all four corners,

if you wish-- and then you take the filings

to any assay office of your own choosing.

Here, let me help you.

[ coughing ]

I think that ought to be enough.

Oh, fine. We'll just wrap this up.

Can you pick that up, please? [ grunts ]

What'll I do with this gold bar?

Why, that we put back where we found it.

Well, there is one thing, Walter.

You see, that's the only bar here.

And I wouldn't want to find it missing from the well.

As you say, everybody knows you in Chicago.

You'd be so easy to find.

Oh, oh, Doc. I wouldn't dream of--

Fine, Walter. Now, put the bar back.

Of course.

Here are your filings, Walter.

I won't even ask what assayer you take them to.

Why, thank you! I'll, uh, find somebody.

I don't know what assay office he went to.

Not that it matters, of course.

Is that dust you bought pure enough gold?

Exact weight: 197.2.

You don't reckon he's going back to my well?

He's too scared of guns. And me.

[ laughing ] Wait!

Well, now, when he comes back here, he's going to want another sample

from another bar-- now, that'll be the one here.

Now, this is the signal. When you hear this thump.

[ thump ]You know the rest.

I got it.All right.

Now, I want you to talk as little as possible.

In fact, just mumble. And uh...

Pull your hat down halfway over your face there.

Yeah, that's right.

Bet ya I act as good as that fellow at the Birdcage Theater.

I bet you you're better. Now, here's the real dust.

I'll be right next door.

Oh, Walter! Come in!Oh, thank you.

How was the assay test?197.2.

Pure gold.Well, you wouldn't expect the government

to fool around with anything less than the exact weight, will you?

No.

There is one more thing I'd like to ask of you.

I wonder if I could go as far as...

getting another sample from another bar?

Well, as a matter of fact, Walter, I did anticipate

that you might ask me that,

so I have obtained another one, right here.

Ah, number 54.

I would have known anyway that this is not the other one.

Oh, how is that, Walter?

Well, I-I took the liberty, when you weren't looking,

to make a scratch mark with the sharp point of the file.

The scratch mark is not on this one.

Oh, Walter, you're a clever one.

Also, the corners haven't been filed.

Yes! Yes, or course.

Care for a drink? No, thanks.

Well, a glass of water, perhaps?

No, thanks. I'm dandy, thank you.

[ thumps ]

Now, this one, Walter, you can take to another assayer if you wish.

I'll arrange that in my own way.

[ lock rattling ]

Here. Hide this!

Who's there? Smee! Who is that?

Frank, Frank, Frank. Your room is down the hall.

This one's mine. Now straighten up!

Now, go on along. Yeah, yeah.

Drunken cowboy. He's all right.

Here you are, Walter. I await your pleasure.

Yes, sir!

Weight: 197.2. All pretty gold.

And at a very pretty price, too.

$25,000.

20,000. We shook hands on 20,000!

[ laughs ] All right, Walter, I'll keep my word.

But as yet, I haven't seen a penny of your money.

On delivery of all 18 bars, you understand.

Oh, of course!How soon can we get them?

I want to get back to Chicago as fast as possible.

Well, now, Walter, I uh, I wouldn't want to cause you any undue delay.

Always glad to help out an associate.

They're right here.

Nine of them.

And over here--

Nine more.

[ coughs ] And now the money, if you please.

Yes, sir. There you are, in hundreds.

Perhaps you'd like to count them!Oh, I would indeed.

Pardon me.

Eight, nine, a hundred...

You, uh-- You paid me one extra.

That's for expenses. To help me transport the bars?

Oh? Not knowing anything about guns,

I'm counting on the redoubtable Doc Holliday

to escort me safely to the railroad.

Well, now, Walter, that wasn't part of our bargain.

Oh, now please. I don't know anybody out here,

I can't trust anybody... except you, that is.

All right, Walter. Now, I'll arrange for a wagon,

you just be ready to leave at 3:00. Splendid!

[ sighs ] $20,000. Whoo-whee!

[ laughs ]

Hello, Creek.Hi.

I sure would hate to be an investor with him running the company.

There you are. $10,000.

Your half. So far. So far?

There's more?Old Walter Benson came through again!

[ laughing ] He asked just what I thought he'd ask.

What's that?That I escort him to the train.

[ chortles ] Seems he's a little bit nervous about carrying

all the US government pure, sold gold.

Plus a bulgin' money belt.

What are you thinkin'?

[ neighs ]

Hold it! Whoa.

This isn't a holdup, is it?

Not likely.

Fellow's a marshal.Marshal! What does he want?

We'll know soon enough.Hold on.

Now, you wouldn't kill a marshal, Doc.

Well, I haven't yet.

You men from Tombstone?

Yes, sir! I'm a businessman, returning to Chicago.

You want to open that luggage?

Luggage? Well, I mean...

What else would I have in the luggage besides clothes?

I have reason to believe you're carryin' stolen government bullion.

Now, open your luggage.

Uh, Marshal, could you and I have a private talk?

Friend is bush.

He might listen to reason, now.

Maybe you could uh, persuade him.

Marshal?

Go! Further! Get back!

[ laughing ]

He couldn't even wait to ask me aboard.

Oh, I 'spect he's got more than he cares to chew on.

You know, I feel a mite sorry for him.Well, don't.

He thinks he just got away with $80,000 profit

in stolen government gold.No, he's only got $70,000.

He gave me $10,000 if I didn't look through his luggage.

[ laughing ]That was good acting, Creek.

Good? Why, I'm going to be the next star of the Birdcage Theater.

Jakey "Creek" Johnson. In person! Eh?

[ coughing, laughing ]

Howdy, Mr. Holliday.Howdy, Sonny.

Now, we'd like to deposit, uh...

$10,000 for me. I'm gonna save $5,000 for the faro game.

I'm gonna skin that tiger alive!

Believe I will, too. That makes two deposits,

$10,000 each.Oh, yes, sir!

Your money's perfectly safe, and you'll draw interest as well.

You know I never had no money in the bank before, Doc.

[ chuckles ] You know, after we break the faro table,

maybe we'll have a bank of our own!

Hey, I never had a bank before, either! [ laughing ]

What's the matter? Something wrong, Sonny?

Paper seems good.

"Seems"?

Mr. Holliday, sir--

Would you look at the front of this bill?

What's wrong with it? I don't see anything.

No, if you will, sir...

would you take a look at thisbill?

That's one of ours.

Well, what?

Mr. Holliday, sir. There's only one famous American

on the $100 bill.

Thomas Hart Benton.

Now, if you will, sir,

please look again at your bill.

Whose likeness is on your bill, sir?

Silas Wright?

And he's only on the 50-dollar bill.

I'm afraid all your money's counterfeit.

And you'll have to return it to the Treasury Department.

Counterfeit?

Don't look at me! All I know about is one-dollar bills.

All right. Here's $5,000 more.

Give 'em yours too, Creek.

[ laughing ]

You know something, Creek?

What?[ laughing raucously ]

What's so funny?

You know he's a better actor than you, and all them Bird Cage theater types

put together!

Hey! Have you got a dollar? No.

Well, I got one. Come on, I'll buy you some breakfast.

[ hysterical laughing ]

[ chuckling ] We-- We have no record of Walter Benson's reaction

when he discovered he'd been outsmarted,

but we do know Doc Holliday laughed it off--

for if there was anything Doc loved, besides a gunfight,

it was a joke-- even when the joke was on him.

Next week, another story from Western history.

See you then.