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1
00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:07,960
ALL CHEER
2
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,080
Oh, my God!
3
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Oh, shame!
4
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,840
Wow! There he is. An artist.
5
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Oh, for God's sake.
6
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He's only done the odd portrait.
7
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,040
He spent most of his life
working in Homebase. All right!
8
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,800
DOORBELL RINGS
9
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,200
Hang on, what are you going to say?
10
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,400
What do you mean? To Frank, about
the painting?
11
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:30,880
Oh, I'll just say something
good and classy, yet barbed.
12
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,360
Barbed? Yeah.
13
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,520
But you are going to apologise
for ruining the painting?
No. Absolutely not.
14
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,920
He ruined it first, in a way.
15
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,720
Well... This is his fault,
if anything.
16
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,240
I just don't think you should go
on the attack. I won't.
17
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:46,320
I'll say something pithy and strong
that both humiliates him and
18
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,680
makes it clear that I'm the victim
in all this.
19
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,480
With dignity. And you back yourself
20
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,520
to come up with that on the spot,
do you?
21
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,960
Yeah.
22
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,480
Let's come back after Cherry's
salsa class. Hmm?
23
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,680
Come on. Go, go, go, go! Quick!
24
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,120
Sam, come on! Sam! Let's get to the
bubble.
25
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,680
You know, what is the point
of even having a shoe rack
26
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,840
if you just leave your shoes
wherever you want?
27
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,440
Completely agree.
Let's get rid of it.
28
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,480
No, Sam, I'm...saying the opposite.
29
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,040
Oh, right. And why is there a
grabber on the floor?
30
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,360
Anyone?
That's mine, Rachel!
31
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,920
I can't bend down to get things
since me hip replacement.
32
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,360
I mean, I would pick it up,
but I'd need another grabber.
33
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,840
OK, OK. And can you put this bow
away, please?
34
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,000
Paul? I'm job hunting!
35
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,880
Who is it, anyway?
What do you mean?
36
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:42,000
Well, we only ever tidy up if
someone's coming over, so who is it?
37
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,320
That's not strictly true.
We do sometimes Hoover.
38
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,080
But, yes, it's Frank from number 2
about the family portrait.
39
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,360
What?! Yeah. We're not actually
doing that, are we?
40
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,880
I thought you were joking.
What's a data analyst?
41
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,200
Yes, of course we are. SAM:
Do I have to sit and pose for it?
42
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,920
Yes. And put the camera down,
please. Oh!
43
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,120
Getting a family portrait
is really weird. No! And vain.
44
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,080
It's like something Vladimir Putin
would do.
45
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,360
Yes, and I'm sure all the rest
46
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,280
of the Putins would be very
appreciative.
47
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,400
Rach, do you think I could be a
data analyst?
48
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,760
Erm, I wouldn't have thought so,
49
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,320
hon, given you don't know what it
is.
50
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,480
Are there no bows and arrows
51
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,400
vacancies, then, Paul?
52
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,080
Er, no, no.
53
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,760
No-one's advertising for a freelance
archer, Mum.
54
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,640
Surprisingly. Although I did hear
that they were looking for someone
55
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,840
to work behind the bar
at the Red Lion pub.
56
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,240
Oh, really? Yeah.
57
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:25,720
So I was thinking I might go
for that.
58
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,600
You should. You look just like
a barman. Oh, yeah?
59
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,000
H-How, exactly?
60
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,640
Well, you know, hearty.
61
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,000
Oh, yeah.
62
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,120
Yeah. I mean, I suppose I am,
really. Yeah, yeah.
63
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,840
Oh, you having another bag, then?
64
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,280
Yeah, he's like a chain smoker.
65
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,520
Well, Amy's got us starting this
month-long detox thing tomorrow
66
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,200
so, you know, I thought I'd...
Eat a month's worth of fudge today.
67
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,400
Pretty much, yeah.
You what? Detox?
68
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,960
That's a bit hippy-dippy, isn't it?
69
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,600
If you consider not dying
from heart disease hippy-dippy,
70
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:56,680
then yes. Exactly.
71
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,880
It's a month without meat, booze,
caffeine, sugar and dairy.
72
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,760
But what else is there?
I mean, there's nothing left.
DOORBELL RINGS
73
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,120
There's vegetables.
Yeah. Salad. Mm-hm. Bran.
74
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,120
It's only for a month.
I'm looking forward to it, actually.
75
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,480
What, salad and bran?
76
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:14,120
Frank! Frank, hello, how are you?
77
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,160
Excellent, thank you.
78
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,920
I've just had reiki.
79
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,040
I'll just slip my Crocs off, Rachel.
Oh, no, it's f...
80
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,720
Well... Now, then. I love peeking
at other houses in the street.
81
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,560
I've gone completely open-plan.
Game changer. Ah.
82
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,680
Morning, all.
83
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,480
Frank Walmsley, portrait artist.
Yes, this is....
84
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,280
This is everyone.
85
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,600
Paul, you know. Amy. Hi.
86
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,840
And this is Sam. SAM: All right?
Ah, yes.
87
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,600
Nice to meet you.
Is he filming?
88
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,200
Yeah, he will do that.
89
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,080
Hello, I'm Sue.
90
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,240
Frank Walmsley.
91
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,600
Hello, hello.
92
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,120
Now, will you want us on our
feet, Frank?
93
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,920
Because I've just had a hip
replaced, and if I have to stand
94
00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,000
for long, I will look
very distressed in the portrait.
95
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,760
Well, I work off of a photo... Oh.
96
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,800
..so I'll be super duper quick,
I promise.
97
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:09,040
I had a new hip installation
myself last year,
98
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,680
so I understand - intimately.
99
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,480
Oh, did you?
100
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,000
Now, how long before you could
bend over?
101
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,960
OK, Mum, that's a bit personal.
102
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,760
I'm only asking! Now, are
you swimming?
103
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:27,680
No. If you are, you will be bending
like blimming Beckham
104
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,200
in no time at all.
105
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,720
Oh, I'll try that, then.
106
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But you can stand, sit, cuddle...
107
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:35,920
Ooh! Cuddle...
108
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,160
..any arrangement
for the portrait will be fine.
109
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Not cuddle.
You don't want a cuddle? No!
110
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,040
Where to do this? Oh, fantastic.
111
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:48,200
This is the lightest room, I guess.
The garden room. So...
112
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:51,040
I put a new stone fireplace in mine.
113
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,160
Aegean limestone. Gorgeous!
114
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,000
Oh! Oh.
115
00:04:55,080 --> 00:05:00,000
Yeah, you know, well, as long as we
all look nice, I really don't mind.
116
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,520
Sorry? I don't follow.
117
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,120
Well, we just want to all look
nice in the painting.
118
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,520
That's the main thing.
119
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,200
Yes. Well, you'll look how you look.
120
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,000
Well, no, I know, but,
121
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,680
I'm just saying, you don't
have to just copy the photo.
122
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,560
You can, you know, make
it a bit...kind.
123
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,760
Kind? What do you mean?
124
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,640
Well... She means propaganda.
125
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,040
Yes, thank you. Yeah, no.
I just mean, you know, nice.
126
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,960
Nicer than... Yeah.
127
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,160
I'm an artist, Rachel.
128
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:34,000
I'm a servant of the truth.
And the client. That's standard, no?
129
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,840
I'm sure Michelangelo
didn't have to
130
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,040
make Jesus quite so buff all the
time, did he?
131
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,560
Oh, I see. You want to look
like Jesus.
132
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,760
Well, perhaps I should give
you a halo as well, hmm?
133
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,000
No, I don't want to look
like...
134
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,160
Shall we take this photo, then?
135
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,600
Yeah. Let's line up.
Great.
136
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,480
You can't wear that. What? What's
wrong with it? Can you change?
137
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,480
I've changed! OK.
138
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,440
Oh, yeah. There she is.
139
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,680
Judas Jessop, the job thief.
140
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,320
Oh, God, get over it!
141
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,360
Yeah, that's not get into that
again. I'm over it.
142
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,440
So how's it going? Has it started?
143
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,480
Well, no, I don't think so.
144
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,000
There's no-one really in there.
145
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,640
Oh. Oh. Yeah.
146
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:13,840
Hiya!
147
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,320
Hi! How's it going?
Yeah.
148
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,040
How's it look like it's going?
Badly.
149
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,960
Don't say that, Sam!
150
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,720
It is going badly. Right, see?
Yes. Oh.
151
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,760
Because this div forgot
to say which Red Lion we were in,
152
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,080
so now everyone's
gone to different pubs.
153
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,120
Oh, no.
154
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,680
Except Kay. All right?
155
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,720
And Dave, to be fair. Doing it here
was all very lastminute.com,
156
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,720
and there are a staggering number
of Red Lions out there, actually.
157
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,720
Probably more than there
are actual lions, yellow ones.
158
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,040
DOOR OPENS
Oh, here we are, Cherry. Oh.
159
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,320
Hiya! Are you here for the
salsa class
160
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:52,240
or the loo? Loo.
Second door on the left, mate.
161
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,880
That keeps happening an' all.
Oh...
162
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,200
Honestly, I shouldn't even
be doing this in a bloody pub.
163
00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,000
It's so embarrassing.
Well, it's... It's nice.
164
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,320
Oh, shit. Nicky, Yaz
165
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,080
and Ugly Chris are in the
Red Lion in Hitchin.
166
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,920
Tell them to come to this one.
167
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,120
They've already ordered food,
though. Oh!
168
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,200
Oh, I've eaten in that Red Lion
before. It's pure goals, man.
169
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,400
Lamb shank was absolutely dripping
off the bone.
170
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:16,880
And?
171
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:18,880
Right.
172
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,720
Mm, can I get another half of Amstel
in there
173
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,520
when you get a second,
my love? Thank you.
174
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,000
Actually, on that subject, though,
175
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,080
if you could all order something,
food and drink,
176
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,400
that would really help me out.
177
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,600
There's this, like, £30 minimum
spend when hiring the room, so...
178
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,120
Well, how's that going to work?
179
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,680
People can't eat and dance
at the same time, can they?
180
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:36,960
They can if they get burgers.
181
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,720
Oh, that is good... Great...
We're eating at home, actually.
182
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,280
We've got some lentils soaking,
so...
183
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,440
Oh, you're still on your detox, are
you? Mm.
184
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,760
One day more. Lamers.
185
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,840
Hang on, 30?
186
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,360
No, the minimum spend is 300.
187
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,560
Not 30.
188
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,240
Ooh... Ow.
189
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,440
HE SNIGGERS
190
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,680
I-Is it? Yeah.
Best make it a pint, then, love.
191
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:00,800
It's all right.
192
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,520
Oh, Rachel, that's fantastic!
I agree, I love it. What?!
193
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,400
Well, that's because you're looking
at yourselves.
194
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,880
Look at me!
195
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,200
Look at how old he's made me.
196
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,480
Well, you're just looking at
yourself as well.
197
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,360
Well, of course I am.
I can't look away.
198
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,000
It's like a horror film.
I look like I'm about a million.
199
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,240
No, you look a lot less than that.
200
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,320
Anyway, you'll grow into it.
Grow into it?
201
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,640
DOORBELL RINGS
202
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,640
It's supposed to be a nice family
portrait, Sue,
203
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,320
not a coat for a toddler. Well, I
think he's captured us perfectly.
204
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,120
Yeah, well, you would say that.
He's made you look really chiselled.
205
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,840
That's just how I look, love...
Robin and Cherry are here.
206
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,280
Oh! Hi, Robin!
Cherry, you all right?
207
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,360
Oh, let me think,
am I all right?
208
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,720
Well, put it this way, Paolo -
Bitcoin went past 45.
209
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,160
Huh? Is that good?
210
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,720
Amazing, apparently.
211
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,160
Interesting shirt.
212
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,200
Oh, my Godfathers!
213
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,480
You look like Torvill and Dean!
214
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,240
Yeah, we're off to salsa.
215
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,280
Keep the camera up here, Sam,
while I'm in this.
216
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,720
Who are Torvill and Dean?
217
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,200
Who are Torvill and Dean?
218
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,800
Wow. I've heard it all now.
219
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,680
Hi. We thought we'd take a squizz
at this portrait.
220
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,040
Oh, I'd probably rather you didn't,
to be honest.
221
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,880
I didn't know you had bitcoin,
Robin.
222
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,360
Well, not a whole one, to be fair.
223
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,080
Me, Dean and Gelsman got a
third each.
224
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,760
Yeah, he's got a BIT of a bitcoin.
225
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,240
I'm sorry. What is it?
226
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,280
You've got a big coin, Robin?
227
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,240
No. It's not a real coin,
Granny.
228
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,880
It's a sort of virtual currency.
229
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960
It's a cryptocurrency, so it only
exists online
230
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,840
and you do transactions in the
blockchain.
231
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,760
I wouldn't bother trying
to explain it to Mum.
232
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,560
She still doesn't understand
£2 coins.
233
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,360
I do understand them,
thank you very much.
234
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,800
I just don't trust them.
235
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:33,840
Well, not being vulgar,
236
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,280
but so far this year, it's made me
about eight grand. Eight grand?!
237
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,920
Oh, my Godfathers! I'd honestly
238
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,120
have to work at the pub all year to
earn that.
239
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,800
Oh, did you get that job
at the pub, then, Paul?
240
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,280
Not yet, no, but it's basically a
done deal.
241
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,200
Ravi said there's only one
other applicant, so we're...
242
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,720
Oh. Oh, Rach.
243
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,680
My tummy. AMY: Tummy.
244
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,000
Are you five years old?
Oh, God, is he all right?
245
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,080
Yeah, no, we're just in the middle
of this detox,
246
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,480
and Paul's had quite a bad reaction,
so...
247
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,560
Shame. In the middle?
248
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,560
We've been doing it for, like,
six days.
249
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,960
Rach? Yeah?
250
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,840
I'm not in it. Yeah, well, you
didn't pose for it, Cherry.
251
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,640
Were you expecting to be in it?
252
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,520
Well, I wasn't sure, to be honest.
253
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,960
It's a lucky escape, really, because
I mean, look at me.
254
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,200
Oh, God! He's just given me extra
wrinkles on purpose.
255
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:22,800
He's basically punished me for
asking to look nice, the bastard!
256
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,280
He's given me grey hairs as well,
which I don't have.
257
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,360
Aren't there a few?
258
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,120
No, there aren't, actually. Oh...
259
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,720
I mean, I could probably fix it.
260
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,160
I could lose some of the wrinkles
around the mouth.
261
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,160
Oh, yeah, Botox would sort that
right out.
262
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:36,680
In the portrait!
263
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,280
I could touch it up a bit.
264
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,160
Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah.
Like Photoshop? Yes. Mm-hm
265
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,920
SHRILL RINGING, KLAXON SOUNDS
266
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,560
Oh, my God, what's that?
PAUL MOANS
267
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,760
That'll be my mobile phone.
268
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,160
Oh, I hate this.
269
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,480
It's like an air raid, isn't it?
270
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,640
This is exciting!
271
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,280
Ridiculous.
272
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,440
8659?
273
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,160
Yes, speaking.
274
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,400
Oh, yes. Very sexy phone voice, Sue.
275
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,840
So, where's the salsa class?
276
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,760
That is uncanny.
277
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,880
It's seven o'clock at the
church hall, but it will start late,
278
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,160
though, because the Cubs
always run over.
279
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,760
Right...
Selfish little pricks.
280
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,400
They piss me right off, them Cubs.
281
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,280
Last week, Cherry nearly
tripped on a woggle.
282
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,200
Oh, no.
A woggle?! What's a woggle?
283
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,240
It's a little plastic hoopy thing
the scarf goes in, babe.
284
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,960
It's called a woggle.
285
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,080
Wow.
286
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,080
He's so clever, in't he?
287
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,000
And kind. Do you know, Robin,
as promised,
288
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,640
has actually helped me set up my own
dance class.
289
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,720
And I dance with the instructor
anyway,
290
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,400
so I'm definitely good enough.
291
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,040
Oh, she really is. Honestly, the way
she swings those hips about,
292
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,280
it's like watching tennis.
293
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,120
Do you two not dance together, then?
294
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,600
No. Not yet.
295
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:52,960
Robin's a beginner.
296
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,400
He can't even do a basic Cubana!
THEY CHUCKLE
297
00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:00,080
And he really does get very sweaty,
don't you? I do, actually. Yeah.
298
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,800
No, especially the palms, they are,
aren't they, gushers. Urgh!
299
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,680
I don't know why. So who do you
dance with, then, Robin?
300
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,640
No, I don't. I just dance... Just
generally, just on my tod.
301
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,120
But my class is not going to be in
some crummy church hall, is it?
302
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,760
No. We're going upmarket,
aren't we, babe? We are.
303
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,240
We're already in touch with
Body Explosion Dance Studios.
304
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,680
So good. But if my bitcoin keeps
on surging, genuinely thinking
305
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,640
about hiring out your friend
and mine, The Shard.
306
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,440
Oh, very dramatic!
That's miles away.
307
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,560
Right... It's in London,
is what it is.
308
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,880
..I've got some good news.
309
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,200
Oh, have you managed
to change your ringtone?
310
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,640
THEY CHUCKLE
The pool's arriving on Wednesday.
311
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,040
What?! Oh, congratulations.
312
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,600
What pool? My pool.
313
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:41,000
I've ordered a pool, so make sure
you're in on Wednesday.
314
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,520
It's coming here?!
Well, yeah.
315
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,120
Well, it'll ruin my lawn
if I put it in my garden.
316
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,360
What about our lawn?
317
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,920
Well, screw our lawn. We'll take the
pool. Thanks, Granny!
318
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,280
Sick! And I'm here
more than I'm at home anyway, so...
319
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,000
Yeah. Oh, I know. Yeah. I know.
Yeah.
320
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,480
You never told me you bought a pool.
321
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,720
I bought a pool. Yeah, and why have
you done that?
322
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,400
Well, for me hip exercises.
Oh, I see, right.
323
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,760
So you're just foisting it on us,
are you? Foisting?!
324
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,640
We'll have it, if you don't
want it.
325
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,920
I didn't say that. You can always
foist on us, Sue.
326
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,320
You live in a flat. With a parking
space, though. Hang on.
327
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,840
Where's my Suzuki going to go?
328
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,120
I'll be honest, I've not
thought it through.
329
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,560
We'll take the pool.
This is amazing!
330
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,320
I'm telling Maya! No, because I have
not approved this yet!
331
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,960
Rach... Oh! Oh, no, my tummy's gone.
332
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,440
I got you. I got you, big guy.
PAUL GROANS
333
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,760
Rachel, just give us a biscuit.
334
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,400
OK. Sam, you get a father one of
those sugar-free oat biscuits,
335
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,920
please? No, a normal one.
Not a normal one!
336
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,280
Right, so, two more apple pies.
Mm-hm.
337
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,720
Another pint of Amstel. I'll try and
squeeze in another sirloin.
338
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,600
Let's go medium rare this time,
mix it up.
339
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,720
Another pint for you, Deano? Mm.
340
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,080
Take one for the team, yeah.
Rach, Paolo?
341
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,640
Yeah, can I just have a
fizzy water, please?
342
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:51,680
What?! No.
343
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,440
Rach, I've got to spend 300 quid
here.
344
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,600
Robin, it's the last day
of our family detox,
345
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:58,680
there is genuinely nothing
else we can have on here.
346
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,760
So end it now, then.
No, no.
347
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,600
We're so close.
348
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,600
Why is there no vegan food on here?
349
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,320
I don't know. Ridiculous!
350
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,800
Well, she had mussels earlier
while I was pinging up the tinsel.
351
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,400
Oh... What?! Oh, my God!
352
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,960
Oh, my God. Is this a joke?
353
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,440
Have you been eating meat
at work the last month?
354
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,560
Well, no, that's...
355
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,520
Shellfish don't have a face,
356
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,800
so technically you can argue
that they're actually...plants.
357
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,640
Oh, can you? Yeah. You can argue
that, can you? Yep.
358
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,080
Judas, again! Oh!
359
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,360
Double Judas!
360
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,040
Do you have any idea how difficult
this last month
361
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,360
has been for me, Amy? Mm.
No sugar, no booze.
362
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,080
Well, you're not getting either
of those from mussels, Dad.
363
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:43,520
Yeah, it's the principle, though,
isn't it? Yes, it is. You know?
364
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,920
Right, that's it. I'm going to have
the pork belly. What?!
365
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,800
I'm going to have the chocolate
fondant, two cappuccinos
366
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,160
and a pint of Guinness Extra Cold.
Yes, Paolo, he's back! Pao-lo-o!
367
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,840
Seriously, you're breaking the detox
on the last day?
368
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,360
You broke it first, mate.
Oh, and a side order of wedges.
369
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,360
Great. Rach? I'm going to have the
fish and chips, a mojito
370
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,600
and a bowl of butter.
371
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,120
Oh, yeah, just go for it.
Yeah, yeah. God, I'm trembling
372
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,720
just thinking about it. Me too. I'm
going to see if Mum's eaten.
373
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:12,000
Absolutely love it. MAYA:
I mean, you didn't tell me it was
one of these ones. It's a beauty.
374
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,560
What ones?
375
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,840
It's a swimming pool, isn't it?
Yeah, well, I figured
376
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,880
it would go down...into the ground.
377
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,200
Yeah. This is a bit more
like a jacuzzi.
378
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,760
Yeah, without the bubbles.
Oh, there'll be bubbles!
379
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,920
What with the amount of lentils
Amy's got us eating. Unbelievable.
380
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,320
Oh, great. Yeah, this just gets
better and better.
381
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,800
Well, I'm sorry for dragging
you all the way from uni
382
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,840
for a substandard swimming pool.
383
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,560
Hey, as long as I get free drinks
in your pub, I'm happy.
384
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,320
It's hardly her pub.
385
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,040
She's basic bar staff.
386
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,720
Oh, Dad's upset because I got
the job instead of him.
387
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,920
I'm upset for them, yes,
388
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,040
because you are the least hearty
person I've ever met, Amy.
389
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,600
You working on Saturday 30th?
390
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:53,160
Yeah, probably. Why?
391
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:57,200
I've got my first salsa class,
booked in at Body Explosion.
392
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,400
Seven o'clock sharp.
393
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,960
Could you not get
The Shard then?
394
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,440
No. Bit pricey in the end.
395
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,320
Body Explosion is not cheap,
mind you,
396
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,760
but should be all right as long
as bitcoin
397
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,040
grows a pair and climbs back up
again.
398
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,920
Has it gone down, has it, Robin?
It's taken a minor nosedive, yeah,
399
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,640
after Elon did another one of his
weird tweets.
400
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,440
The function room at the Red Lion's
free to hire if you need it.
401
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,400
Keep talking. Well, there's like a
£30 minimum spend, I think. Hmm...
402
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,840
That's...
403
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,440
Yeah, no, that's not funny.
That's a bad idea.
404
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,520
I wasn't joking.
Yeah, I was joking. All right?
Don't want that, thank you.
405
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,520
Here we go!
HE CHUCKLES
406
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,000
She's ready!
407
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,480
She's ready, Rach! Mum!
408
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,520
I'm going to go and get my
underwater camera.
409
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,920
Course you are. Sicko.
410
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,400
Rach! Stop fiddling with the
painting, she's ready!
411
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,280
Yes, one second!
412
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,160
Jesus. AMY: Mum, you look like
a zombie.
413
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,360
Oh, that is terrifying!
414
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,600
Yeah, I reckon leave it now, Mum.
Yes, I know, I will.
415
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,440
Just the face... The face has gone a
bit...plague-y.
416
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,160
So...
417
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,680
I mean, that's just...
Just horrible.
418
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,800
Oh! Oh, Granny's ready!
419
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:10,840
Hey, let's get this show in the
pool! Yeah!
420
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,560
Oh, this is the life.
That is lovely.
421
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,360
Ooh, it's like being on holiday!
422
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,720
Yeah, budget holiday, maybe.
423
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,200
Did you not think to mix any water
with that chlorine, Paul!
424
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,720
It is chlorinated, Maya, thank you.
Reassuringly chlorinated.
425
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,400
In fact, it'll probably kill any
parasites we might be carrying.
426
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,920
Oh, great.
So like a sheep dip?
427
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,920
Oh, my God! This is genuinely
fantastic.
428
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,080
Tell me about it, right?
I'm going to use it every day.
429
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,320
OK, I'm coming in! Huh?
430
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,080
Geronimo! Whoa!
431
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,920
No!
432
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,040
Oh!
433
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:51,400
No diving, please, Amy.
I'm not diving, I'm jumping.
434
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:55,280
Oh, jumping either, or bombing,
OK? It's very unsafe.
435
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,160
That is a rule.
436
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,680
So what can we do?
Just stand still?
437
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,440
No, you can swim!
438
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,680
You know, do lengths.
Lengths? It's round.
439
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,040
Well, you know, diameters,
then, circumferences.
440
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,600
Bloody hell. Which ones are they?
441
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,600
What about heavy petting -
is that allowed?
442
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,040
Not with me, it's not, no.
443
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,840
Not with anyone, thank you.
444
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,920
This pool is primarily for
my hip exercises,
445
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,760
not for your funny business.
446
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,560
Nature's hip exercises.
447
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,560
No, no heavy petting, thank you,
Robin, and no veruccas, either.
448
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,640
Oh, no, really?
Out you get, then.
449
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,200
Oh, gross! Don't you
shame me. It's a virus.
450
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,840
Oh, my grandad does something
called chair yoga, Sue,
451
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,080
for his hips. Absolutely swears by
it.
452
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,600
Ooh, I like the sound of chair.
453
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,680
Whoa, what is that in the
water?
454
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,240
Dad, what is that?
455
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,640
Oh, God, has someone spilled
something. CHERRY: What? No.
456
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,400
Have they bled? Has someone bled
something. What is it?!
457
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,600
No, no, I'm getting out.
458
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,840
What is it?! It's like an
orangey-brown colour.
459
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,480
It's like the squits, maybe. Oh!
460
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,360
Oh!
461
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,560
I think it's coming from you,
Mum. Oh, yeah...
462
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,480
Oh, my God, Rach, have you squitted?
463
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:04,200
No! No, I... Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.
464
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,240
What is it?!
465
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,040
Yeah! Have you?
466
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,600
Yeah, I think it must be hair dye.
467
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,840
Whose hair dye?
You don't use hair dye, do you?
468
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,080
Well... Since when have you
used hair dye?
469
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,320
Since the painting and everything.
Oh. I do have a few greys,
470
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,520
it turns out. CHERRY: You do.
471
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,000
Quite a few.
472
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,480
Yeah. Well, I didn't realise it came
out in water, so...
473
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,120
Oh, in chlorine...
474
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,040
..it will, yeah. I mean, I knew
that.
475
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,800
Great. So the pool's red now,
is it?
476
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,600
Oh, oh, I've got it!
477
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,480
Why don't we add some white
hair dye to cancel out the red,
478
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,080
like you do with wine?
479
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,920
Shut up! Not in this situation,
Robin. No.
480
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,520
I mean, it's more a sort of greeny,
swampy brown... Mm. ..river
481
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,840
than it is red.
482
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,360
Yeah. Yeah, apologies.
483
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,600
I mean, apologies.
484
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,560
So do we empty the pool or
what?
485
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,560
Empty it?! You've got to be joking,
haven't you?
486
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,960
How you going to empty it?
It'll be like Noah's Ark?
487
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,440
Nah, nah.
I'm going to keep it like this.
488
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,880
Hey! Well, so the water's
a little bit brown.
489
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,280
So what? Who cares?
490
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:06,720
I don't. You know, no-one else
has got a brown pool, have they?
491
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,520
Huh? It's like swimming in a
river.
492
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,960
One, two, three,
left forward...
493
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,320
Oh, my God, this is better than sex.
494
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,520
Yeah... All right!
495
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,440
Yeah, I agree with you,
but don't...
496
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,080
You want to imagine you're
drawing an eight
497
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,920
with a pencil up your bum.
498
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,520
Come on, that's it.
Roll those hips, Sue.
499
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,920
I'd rather not roll me new hip,
to be honest, Cheryl.
500
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,520
You need to keep
up with your swimming, Mum.
501
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,800
You haven't done your
hip exercises for weeks.
502
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,960
I'm over the pool now, Paul.
503
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:43,000
I'm actually doing chair yoga,
and it's working wonders.
504
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,520
MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES
Oh, God, it's Frank.
505
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,360
Well, what time is he expecting
the picture?
506
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,200
About an hour ago.
507
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,600
Oh, I'll call him back.
508
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,560
He's doing the robot.
509
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,600
It's not funny. Yeah, it's not
funny. That's not funny, Dean.
510
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,000
Ugh! Ugh!
511
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,280
How is it, Dad?
512
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,040
Horrible.
513
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,640
Obviously.
514
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,120
It's like being in a huge cup of
tea.
515
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,080
There's something about swimming in
circles that's quite depressing,
516
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,000
you know, existentially.
517
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,200
Like I'm going down a drain.
518
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,480
Yeah, that's probably the detox
talking. Yeah.
519
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,640
I'm just so low.
520
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,960
I need a doughnut or a beer,
you know?
521
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,560
Rach?
522
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:44,800
Rach?
523
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,400
Can we have one beer while Amy's
at work? No!
524
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,040
Come on, it's one more week!
525
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,600
Oh, my God, Rach!
526
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,200
Stop fiddling with it!
527
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,960
I know! I can't, though.
528
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:59,040
I keep trying to fix it and making
it worse.
529
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,400
I feel like someone
in a documentary who's addicted
530
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,960
to plastic surgery.
DOORBELL RINGS
531
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,920
Oh, God. That is so bad.
532
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,640
Like I'm married to Mick Jagger.
533
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,720
My only hope is, if I just keep
at it long enough,
534
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,520
I might gradually learn how to
paint.
535
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,560
Oh...! Rachel, hello!
Mind if I pop in?
536
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,040
Frank, hi!
537
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,080
HIDE IT! Huh?!
538
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,200
Sorry?
Hi. Hi-de-hi. Hi.
539
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,560
It's Frank, Paul!
540
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,840
Hi, Frank! All right?
541
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,800
I'd really rather you didn't film
me.
542
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,800
Hmm. Maybe Don't come in our house,
then.
543
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,000
Everything all right,
is it, Frank?
544
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,040
Marvellous.
545
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,720
I found a £10 note in a clematis.
Oh!
546
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,920
But that wasn't what I came
to tell you.
547
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:47,520
I'm actually having a little
exhibition next Saturday evening.
548
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,400
Wow. So you should, an artist with
your...
549
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,080
Yes, we'd love to come.
550
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,240
Of course, yes.
551
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,880
And given that it turned out
so well, I simply must include
552
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,720
that super portrait of your lovely
family.
553
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,160
Oh, do you know, I don't know
if I can part with it, Frank.
554
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,640
I just... I just love it so much.
555
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,000
Oh, bless you.
556
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,280
I will take good care of it.
557
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,240
I give you my word as an artist
558
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,720
and as the chairman of the Hazel
Road Allotment Association. Aw...
559
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:19,320
Even so, I... Where have you hung
it? I'd love to see it in situ.
560
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,880
No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No?
Oh...
561
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,480
You can't see it currently.
562
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,680
Oh, well, why not?
563
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,600
Because...
Yes?
564
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,360
Because... It's being framed!
It's being FRAMED! Brilliant.
565
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:38,320
It's being framed at the moment,
which may take weeks, months,
566
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,640
maybe, even... I love you.
Love you too. Oh, surely not.
567
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:45,120
Who's doing it? The framers. In
town. The one near Lidl? Yes. No.
568
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,120
No. Not that one.
The...
569
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,360
Well, you must mean Mr Frampton's,
then? No.
570
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:51,600
Hmm...
571
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,800
Well, yes, if that's the new one.
572
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:58,080
And, well, look, I'll telephone
Mr Frampton first thing Monday
573
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,160
morning and chivvy him along. No.
Make sure it's ready in time.
574
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,360
Nah, don't do that.
575
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,320
Well, no, I insist.
Mr Frampton won't mind.
576
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,120
He's my Boggle partner. Oh. Great.
577
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,800
I'm collecting it on Monday.
578
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,480
In fact, I just remembered that,
579
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,800
so you don't need to call
Mr Frampton. There's no need.
580
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,400
Oh, so, wonderful.
581
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,160
Yeah. You can bring it round, then.
582
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,640
Just trying to think of any other
reason why I can't do that.
583
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,880
Why can't I do that? Why can't
I do that? Why can't I...?!
584
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,320
I have the runs. Yeah, I can.
585
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,040
I can, of course, do that. Yes.
586
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,840
Any time before seven on Saturday.
587
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,760
OK. Bye. Great.
588
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,800
Ta-ta, then. Ta-ta.
589
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,880
Ta-ta, then.
590
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,000
Rach?
591
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,880
What are you going to do?
592
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,680
I'm going to fix it.
593
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,240
I'm going to put it back to how it
was, and I'm going to frame it.
594
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:50,960
Got a week. Yeah, I can do that.
595
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,840
I can do that. Really?
596
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:55,400
You've got this.
597
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,480
So, all together, it comes to...
598
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,640
..drum roll, please...
Oh, here we go.
599
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,560
DRUMMING
600
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,760
..£303.65.
601
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,840
CHEERING
Yes!
602
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,160
Well done, everyone. Well done.
603
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,040
Well, that worked out perfectly.
604
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,680
Well, no, it didn't,
cos no-one bloody came.
605
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:20,960
Apart from that bit, yeah.
606
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,760
I'll have
another pint of Amstel anyway.
607
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,120
Can you go next door?
Cos I want to close this bar now.
608
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,400
Anyone else?
PHONE BUZZES
609
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,000
It's Frank. It's Frank.
I've got to get it.
610
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,240
Frank, yes, we're on our way.
611
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,320
Yeah, right now. Right now.
612
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,600
Yeah.
DOORBELL RINGS
613
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:35,720
Back again, then.
614
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,200
Genuinely,
what are you going to say?
615
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,280
I...
DOOR OPENS
616
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,280
Oh, at last!
617
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:48,200
Rachel and family.
618
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,400
Hi, Frank.
619
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:52,520
I'm so sorry.
620
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,920
Oh, God.
621
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,040
God, no.
622
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,040
What happened?
623
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,440
That's absolutely chilling!
624
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,920
No, I know.
625
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:12,080
Yeah, I tried to touch it up
and then I got frustrated
626
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,800
and then, yeah...
627
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:15,880
..did that.
628
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,360
But why?
629
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,880
Well, in fairness...
630
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,200
..you had made me look
quite haggard.
631
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,000
What?
632
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,120
Haggard? And I get it, you know?
633
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,480
I asked to look nice
in the painting,
634
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,440
so you deliberately
made me really old.
635
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,720
I mean, you know, be honest -
that's what happened, right?
636
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,880
I just copied the photo.
637
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,480
Well, that is...
638
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,640
Yeah. Yeah, well played.
639
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,640
Well played. That is checkmate.
640
00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,560
Well done, well done.
641
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,400
I actually prefer it like that.
Yeah. Yeah, me too, actually.
642
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,240
Stop filming me, boy!
643
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,680
Ugh...
644
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:10,800
Well, that went well.
645
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,200
Mm. I need a lie-down.
646
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,960
No, no, no, no, no. There's
something we really need to do.
647
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,080
Please, no, Dad.
I really need a shower.
648
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,320
I did a double shift today.
649
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,600
Yeah, and I've eaten
an entire cheeseboard board.
650
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,560
It'll only take a second, OK?
651
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,760
OK, this is the plan.
652
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,440
I will make a careful incision
in the pool's flank.
653
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,600
"Flank"? Side.
654
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,120
Creating a narrow aperture
and a steady flow of water,
655
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,600
which we will collect in the buckets
and take to the drains
656
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,520
in a four-person rotation. OK?
RACHEL SIGHS
657
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:44,520
Always making sure that one person
is stationed by the spout.
658
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,760
And then we'll just let
Old Papa Gravity do his thang, OK?
659
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,640
God. I mean, it's ambitious.
Yeah, let's do this.
660
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,800
Yeah? Let's drain a swamp.
Yeah. Yeah!
661
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,760
Yeah, woo. Team.
662
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,640
Go...
663
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,080
..Jessops! ..swamp! ..pool!
664
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,680
"Swamp"? We're draining the swamp.
What did you say? "Pool."
665
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,080
Jessops! Come on, Sam. Hurry up.
666
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,160
Yeah, I'll just put the camera
on the tripod.
667
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,960
Is this right? Yeah?
668
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:10,160
You set? Yeah, let's go. OK. OK.
Nobody move.
669
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,360
This needs to be
a very delicate cut. OK?
670
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,800
OK. Here goes. Let's do it.
671
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:16,840
Whoa!
672
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,680
Oh, God! Oh, my God! Argh!
THEY ALL YELL
673
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,080
Get back! Oh, my God.
Get the buckets!
674
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,280
Get the buckets!
675
00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:30,600
Oh... Oh, it's so cold.
676
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,840
Who's got a bucket?
677
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,760
Oh, that was quicker
than I expected.
678
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,880
The buckets...
Where have the buckets gone?
679
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,000
I did say
it would only take a second.
680
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,520
Well, I don't need a shower
any more. No.
681
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,320
THEY LAUGH
682
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,920
I mean, all joking aside, I think
we may have flooded someone's house.
52319
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