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This programme contains
some strong language
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SHE CACKLES
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Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# She's Mrs Brown
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# That's Mrs Brown
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# Our Mrs Brown. #
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Electric candles.
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Er, under the sink.
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Blankets. Oh, that's a tough one.
I'm going to go with...
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..on the beds. Final answer.
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We should run a bath.
We don't want to run out of water
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if the power goes. Cathy,
we're preparing for a storm,
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not Armageddon.
Storm of the century, Mammy.
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What part of this
are you not grasping?!
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Batteries for the torches?
Oh, er, in the cupboard.
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CATHY SIGHS
Cathy, if those batteries run low,
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can we use this?
BUZZING
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Mammy!
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Mammy!
BUZZING SLOWS DOWN AND STOPS
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Give it to me.
Oh, you want that, all right.
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I will check for extra blankets.
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That's what you say
you're going to do.
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Well, welcome to the madness.
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The weather here's been terrible,
and there's worse to come.
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There's a big storm on the way. But
the real disaster is not the storm,
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it's this, my kettle.
It's knackered.
27
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I don't know what it is
about this house,
28
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but every time the weather changes,
this house goes to shite.
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ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's...
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RECORD SCRATCH
See what I mean?
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All right, Ma?
Hello, Mark, love.
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00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,599
Everything OK? Ah, well,
apart from Hurricane Cathy.
33
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:54,719
She running around?
34
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,320
Oh, like a greyhound
with an onion up his arse.
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00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,599
She's just nervous, Ma.
You know, the surgery. Yeah...
36
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:05,999
I'll see if I can calm her down.
All right, love. Thanks, love.
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It's nothing serious, it's just
a thing on her vocal cords.
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She won't even be kept in.
39
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,080
It's Captain Birdseye.
40
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BING-BONG!
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00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,520
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
42
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,159
We'll be landing in Dublin
in about ten minutes.
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The weather is pretty cold, so
if you do take it out, wrap it up.
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00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,359
That's very good, Der. What's that?
45
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Oh, that's Buster's.
"I'm Philomena Fly Me!"?
46
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SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS
47
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:04,919
Why couldn't you be the air hostess?
48
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:08,279
With my legs? Get real, Buster.
49
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,719
Fair enough. Well,
what's all this about, Dermot?
50
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We landed a juicy contract
51
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,399
to promote Air Fungus's
tenth anniversary.
52
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Oh. Very nice. Yeah, but now they
cancelled it because of the storm.
53
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,759
Oh... That's sad.
So, what was your pitch?
54
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,079
Hardly matters now, Ma, does it?
We're out of work.
55
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,280
It matters to me, son.
Fine...
56
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,959
"Look up there.
Is it a bird? Is it Superman?
57
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,559
"No, it's a plane."
58
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:40,480
Oh, I see what you did there!
That's very good, very good.
59
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,799
# We're the friendliest airline
in the sky
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# Chicken or beef, chicken or beef!
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# We have exits front, back,
over the wings!
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00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,879
# Chicken or beef, chicken or beef!
63
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:58,399
# So if you want to get there
safe and sound, fly Air Fungus
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00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,680
# We've only rarely missed a runway
65
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,920
# Chicken or beef. #
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00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,960
I'll have the chicken.
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LAUGHS
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00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,999
Very good, Dermot, very good.
Oh, thank God it's cancelled,
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00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:20,159
because that was shite.
So, what are you doing here?
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00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,359
Just dropped in to see if Cathy
needs a lift to the hospital.
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00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,640
Oh, Mark beat you to it already.
Oh! All right, Dermot. Hey, Mark-o.
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00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,360
Well, hello there, young lady.
73
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,120
Chicken or beef?
74
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:42,159
Oh, it's you, Buster.
Shut up, Mark, you knew it was me.
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00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,439
Mark, just because somebody
puts on women's clothes
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00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,160
doesn't make them a woman,
all right? Exactly! The...
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Feck off!
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00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,279
Right, Mark, let's go.
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00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,919
Look, I'll barely be able to talk
for a week after this,
80
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,479
so I'll say happy birthday
to you now, Buster.
81
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,040
Oh, it's your birthday? Not till
Wednesday. But thanks, Cathy.
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00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,520
I got to go.
Good luck, love.
83
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,200
I'll have the beef, please.
84
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,600
Chicken.
85
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,000
We're out of beef.
86
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:40,279
Sharon? Yes, Grandad? Ask
that lovely young lady over there
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00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,160
what she's drinking.
88
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:48,119
Grandad, I don't actually think
she's a lady.
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00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,920
All the better.
90
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,240
Damien! Over here.
91
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,119
Here, Buster, Grandad thinks
you're a woman.
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00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,560
He wants to know
what you're drinking.
93
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,960
HE KISSES
94
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,520
No, thank you, Sharon.
95
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,000
It's a free drink.
96
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,760
Sharon?
97
00:06:16,891 --> 00:06:22,519
So, have you decided what you're
getting Buster yet for his birthday?
98
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,119
I already got it.
Did you? What?
99
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,159
He always said he'd love to do
a parachute jump, so I booked it.
100
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:32,799
Fantastic! For when? His birthday.
Wednesday? Yeah.
101
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,720
That's when the storm is due in.
102
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:40,560
Maria, it cost me 500 euro.
I don't care if a tornado hits...
103
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:46,200
..he's jumping out of that plane.
Anyway, it's always windy up there.
104
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,919
Excuse me? Can you help me?
I'm lost.
105
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,280
YOU'RE lost? I'm supposed
to be in Canada.
106
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,360
DOGS BARK
107
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,319
Are you OK, Sister?
Lord be with you.
108
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,959
And also with you.
Are you lost? Yes.
109
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,160
Come on, let's get you out of here.
110
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,999
Was your Redser romantic, Agnes?
111
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,639
Romantic? The last time
we made love...
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00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,239
..it was an hour and a half.
WINNIE GIGGLES
113
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He woke me up twice.
114
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,799
AGNES CHUCKLES
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00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,319
I asked him once, "Why do you never
buy me flowers?"
116
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,440
He said, "I didn't even buckin' know
you sold flowers."
117
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,919
And what about your husband, Birdie?
118
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,839
Which one? I've had three.
119
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,880
Any one of them.
Hard to say.
120
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:49,279
It's hard to be sexy for them coming
home when you've had seven babies.
121
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,079
You said it, Birdie.
122
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,519
Redser said to me one night,
"Why don't we change position?"
123
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,879
Kinky!
AGNES CHUCKLES
124
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,199
I said, "OK, well, you stand
by the ironing board
125
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,400
"and I'll lie on the couch
watching telly."
126
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,480
Ah, men. Can't live with them...
127
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,880
That's it.
128
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,920
WIND HOWLS
129
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,999
Oh, Mrs Brown, it's really blowing
out there. I can hear it.
130
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,239
You want a cup of tea, Maria?
No, I'm actually on my way
131
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,559
down to Foley's to help Sharon
set up for the quiz night.
132
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,519
You're not going out in that.
133
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,399
I'll be fine, Mrs Brown.
WIND HOWLS
134
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,719
The weather warning said
135
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,799
the worst is not going to hit
till midnight tomorrow.
136
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,799
No, no, I'm talking about
your clothes.
137
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,880
You look like
you're buckin' homeless.
138
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,039
I just popped in
to see how Cathy is.
139
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,159
Oh, Dr Flynn is up there
with her now. She's grand.
140
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,210
A bit sore, but grand.
141
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,240
Ah, hello, Maria.
How is she?
142
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,559
Er, still a bit sore.
To be expected.
143
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,239
But I've given her
something to help her sleep.
144
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,919
Dr Flynn, who's paying you?
Er, you are, Mrs Brown.
145
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,119
That's right, yeah.
So I get to ask the questions.
146
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,720
Indeed.
So, how is she?
147
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,639
Still a bit sore. To be expected.
148
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,839
Oh.
149
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,479
She's still a bit sore.
To be expected.
150
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,999
And? And I've given her
something to help her sleep.
151
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,839
And he's given her
something to help her sleep.
152
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Thank you. Dismissed.
153
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,239
Right, I'm off, then.
154
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,599
Oh, and Cathy should only speak
when necessary.
155
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,000
Oh, I've been saying that to her
all her life.
156
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,039
Oh, Doctor? Erm, could you
drop me off at Foley's, please?
157
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,119
Certainly. I'll see you, Mrs Brown.
I'll see you, love.
158
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,720
WIND HOWLS
159
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,040
Whoo!
160
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:08,439
Hello, boys. Cup of tea?
161
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,359
Love one, Mammy. I'm gasping.
Yeah, well, you can't have one.
162
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,359
Me kettle's smashed.
Why'd you bother offering, then?
163
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,440
Force of habit. I just want
to drop up and say hi to Cathy.
164
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,760
So, Buster, are you looking forward
to your parachute jump?
165
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,800
DOORBELL
166
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,439
Come in, Father Damien.
Mammy's in the kitchen.
167
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,720
Lord be with you.
And also with you.
168
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,079
Just tell him that you don't want
to do it. He says I have to do it
169
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,440
or he's going to throw me
out the plane himself.
170
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,839
Ah, hello, Father Damien.
Trevor's not here. He's downtown.
171
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,399
He's trying to get some of
the homeless into the shelters,
172
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,959
out of the storm. I know,
and I want to go help him.
173
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,999
This is Sister Mary.
Hello, Sister.
174
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,239
Lord be with you.
BOTH: And also with you.
175
00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,239
Could you look after her
while I go help Trevor? Of course.
176
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,399
We'll have a good old chat.
That's the thing, Mrs Brown -
177
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,679
she doesn't say a lot.
What do you mean?
178
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,360
Lord be with you.
179
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:09,679
BOTH: And also with you.
180
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,759
That's it. That's all she says.
181
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,119
Hello again, Sister.
182
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,320
Lord be with you.
ALL: And also with you.
183
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,599
Lovely. It is, until you've heard it
a thousand times.
184
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,559
That's all she says.
Oh, dear. I know!
185
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,679
I don't know who she is,
where she comes from,
186
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,999
what she's doing here,
and she says nothing.
187
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,800
My kind of woman!
188
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,480
Shut up, Buster!
189
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:41,159
You leave it to me, Father.
I'll get her talking.
190
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,159
I was going to be a nun, you know?
191
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,959
THEY ALL LAUGH
192
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,439
Now that's a lie, for sure.
No, it's not.
193
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,199
May the Lord strike me down.
194
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,240
THUNDER CRASHES
195
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,440
God, that was close.
196
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,639
Father...
197
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,639
Father Damien?
Where are you, Father Damien?
198
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,840
I'm here!
199
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:11,600
Father, get in here! Can we sort out
what we're doing with Sister Mary?
200
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,359
Come quick! Winnie's been
struck by lightning!
201
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,920
HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS
202
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,360
CRASH!
203
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,960
Lord be with you.
204
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,719
CATHY SHRIEKS UNINTELLIGIBLY
205
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,560
Huh?
206
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,279
SPEAKING WITH DIFFICULTY:
What...happened?!
207
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,200
LOUDLY: Winnie!
She got struck by lightning!
208
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,399
Lord be with you.
209
00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,759
ALL: And also with you.
210
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,919
SHE SHRIEKS
Huh? What?
211
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,679
Who's...this?!
212
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:05,360
LOUDLY: It's a nun!
213
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,759
Buster, she can't talk,
she's not deaf.
214
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,679
Lord be with you.
ALL: And also with you.
215
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,559
Dr Flynn is close by.
How close?
216
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,040
Backstage.
217
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,719
DOORBELL
That'll be him now. I'll get it.
218
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,159
WINNIE GROANS
219
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,879
She's coming round.
She's coming round.
220
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,400
Well done, Winnie. Winnie! Winnie!
221
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,000
Nah, she's gone again.
222
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,039
Maybe she needs mouth-to-mouth.
223
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,759
I'll do it.
No!
224
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,119
It's OK, I'm here.
225
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,279
Lord be with you.
ALL: And also with you...
226
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,559
Father, get rid of her, will you,
before we go insane?
227
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:51,359
Come on, Sister Mary, let's go
find out where you come from.
228
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,839
Lord be with you.
229
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,759
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Also with you.
230
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,439
Buster, we'd better go too. You have
your pre-jump class to do. Come on.
231
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,720
Dermo, do I have to?
Of course.
232
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,199
# Happy birthday to you
233
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,160
# Happy birthday...to... #
234
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,399
Has anyone tried grounding her?
No, Doctor, sorry.
235
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,480
Winnie? You're grounded.
236
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,719
Not like that. Stand back.
237
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,840
Winnie, you're grounded!
Go to your room.
238
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,119
Oh!
239
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,759
Good job, Doctor.
240
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,719
Well, ten years of medical school
didn't go to waste.
241
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,359
I thought it was just five years.
242
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,839
For most people, yeah.
243
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,119
Winnie! Can you hear me?!
244
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,240
The dogs in the street
can feckin' hear ya.
245
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,119
Why do I smell burning?
246
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,230
Because you were on fire, Winnie.
Oh, God!
247
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:55,279
How is your vision, Mrs McGoogan?
Oh, calm down, Dr Flynn.
248
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,519
The electrical current travelled
over the surface of my body
249
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,559
and not through my vital organs.
250
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,719
SHRIEKS: She's in shock!
Exactly.
251
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:08,959
On the contrary, Doctor,
my rubber soles acted as insulators,
252
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:13,039
dispersing the charge
harmlessly into the ground.
253
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,679
Did she say buckin' insulators?
254
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:15,919
CATHY SHRIEKS
255
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,479
Oh just...just nod yes or shake no.
256
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,199
Mammy!
Huh?
257
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,919
She said, "Mammy."
I know, I buckin' heard her.
258
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,359
Anyway, any chance of a cuppa
now the panic is over?
259
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,839
Priorities, Birdie.
We have a char-grilled Winnie there.
260
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,799
And anyway, me kettle is knackered.
261
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,560
Oh, boil the water on the cooker,
Agnes. That's a good idea.
262
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,519
I never thought of that.
263
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:44,119
Mrs Brown? I think Mrs McGoogan
has become more intelligent.
264
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,640
Well, just less stupid.
265
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,919
You were lucky, Winnie.
Well... You were.
266
00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,279
Sure, did you see the damage
the lightning did to the chip shop?
267
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,279
Fresh cod and battered burgers
all over the place.
268
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,360
And only half of them were edible.
269
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,279
Did you know that the cod they use
is frozen
270
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,480
so it can't be called fresh
when it's been frozen?
271
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,199
AUDIENCE: Ooh...!
272
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,960
I say they'll take that up
at the next EU conference.
273
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,280
It's like listening to
the news headlines.
274
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,599
It's not the same, is it,
without me kettle? Mm.
275
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:34,319
Father Damien says he's tracked down
where the nun came from. Oh?
276
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,719
Oh, yes, that's right. Yeah,
they're picking her up tonight.
277
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,479
Hilary Nicholson is not going
to the quiz night tonight.
278
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,319
Well, you know why that is.
279
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,720
The...the entry fee.
As tight as a duck's arse, that one.
280
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,959
Well, interesting fact, Agnes.
281
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,800
Ducks don't have
watertight backsides.
282
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,039
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
Really?
283
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,999
I'll sleep better now, knowing that.
284
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,999
You learn something new every day.
Yeah.
285
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,039
NORMAL VOICE:
What are you talking about?
286
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,440
Oh! Er, a duck's arse does leak.
Who knew?
287
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,479
OK...
288
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,279
Wait a minute, you're talking.
289
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,079
Yep. Still a bit sore, but...
290
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,040
I was enjoying the peace and quiet.
291
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,080
I heard that!
292
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,839
Right, I changed the plug
and the power cable.
293
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,760
It should be as good as new, Ma.
Ah, well done, son.
294
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,719
Nope, no light.
I'll get you a new one.
295
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,439
Ah, I don't want a new one, Mark.
It's not the same.
296
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,679
You have two choices, Ma,
a new kettle or a flaming kettle.
297
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,039
Take your pick.
298
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,480
He could try replacing the element.
299
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,999
Mark, try replacing the element.
300
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,919
I never thought of that.
Great idea, Ma. No problem.
301
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,759
Then again, that could cost
just as much as a new one.
302
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,599
What to do?
303
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,839
Replace it.
304
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,200
Replace the element. Final answer.
305
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,760
Thank you all for coming early!
That's what me girlfriend says.
306
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,960
What girlfriend?
307
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,640
Pam.
308
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,799
You're so childish.
Yeah, I know.
309
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,999
Buster, Winnie got
every question right.
310
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,919
Ask Sharon for her calculator.
311
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,279
And the winners are...
312
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,479
..the Reluctant Virgins!
313
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,920
CHEERING
314
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,039
Congratulations, Mammy!
Thanks, Sharon, love.
315
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,319
Winnie, you answered
every single question.
316
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,879
I know, I know.
Even the geography one.
317
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:55,319
Well, Agnes, everyone knows that the
capital of Mongolia is Ulaanbaatar.
318
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,839
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
319
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,399
No, Winnie,
everyone doesn't know that.
320
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,839
And before the lightning strike,
you didn't even know
321
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,920
what the capital of Ireland was.
322
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,359
Winnie, we are now your managers.
323
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,119
Of what? She's a genius, Ma,
she has to be handled carefully.
324
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,040
A genius?
Who wants to get rich?
325
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,479
Well, I can't speak for Winnie,
326
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,879
but I'd settle for
moderately comfortable. Watch this.
327
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,240
Winnie, what's the square root
of 289?
328
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,879
It's 17.
329
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,480
Buster, calculator.
330
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,239
Mammy, if you would be so kind...
331
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,920
What does that say?
332
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,840
Boobies.
333
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,320
Gets me every time.
334
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,640
17 is correct, Ma.
335
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:54,079
We need to put a plan in place.
TV quiz shows. Exactly.
336
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,719
The Chase, Pointless...
337
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,119
Eggheads, The 1%...
338
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,199
Ha!
339
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,120
BOTH: Millionaire!
340
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,639
Looks like you're going to be
busy. Yeah.
341
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,160
Boobies!
SHE LAUGHS
342
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,559
Agnes? Sharon and I are terrified
about this hurricane.
343
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,519
Any chance we could come over
to yours just to wait it out?
344
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,759
Yeah, of course. Oh, that'll be fun,
all of us in the one place,
345
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,199
before the hurricane.
What do you mean?
346
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,639
Well, you don't think me and Enzo
are going to sit on our own
347
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,000
in our own place, do you?
Fine...
348
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,079
Well, it turns out
Sister Mary's not a Sister at all.
349
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,679
What? No?! She's a resident
at St Martin's care home.
350
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:40,000
She just woke up one morning, put on
the nun's habit and walked out.
351
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,680
You shouldn't get into the habit.
352
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,279
The nuns are coming to
collect her tonight.
353
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,399
Well, if they're coming to
collect her tonight,
354
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,919
don't let them drive back until
that hurricane has gone. Good idea.
355
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,400
Damien! Mammy said the nuns
can stay at hers tonight.
356
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,639
I never said that!
357
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,400
You kind of did, Agnes.
358
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,600
WIND HOWLS
359
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,959
Suffering Jesus!
It's wild out there.
360
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,519
Fun, though, isn't it, Ma?
And us all cosy in here.
361
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,879
No! I'm living on me buckin' nerves.
Me too, Agnes.
362
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,039
Well, we'll be all right, Birdie,
won't we? We'll be all right. Yeah.
363
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,079
THUNDER CRASHES, BIRDIE CRIES OUT
364
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:33,719
Jesus, Birdie! You frightened
the shyness out of me.
365
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,639
There's another tree down. I don't
need a running commentary, Grandad.
366
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,639
It fell on a car. Nice one, too.
367
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,799
I may as well be talking
to the buckin' wall.
368
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,479
Did you fix me kettle?
I put a new element in it, Ma.
369
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:50,000
Took me ages. Didn't exactly fit,
but I got it in.
370
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,159
The boys are out for the count
up there. Are they warm enough?
371
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,399
Yeah. Thanks, this is lovely,
all of us under one roof.
372
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,879
Yes, well, provided the roof
doesn't come in on us.
373
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,599
THEY LAUGH POLITELY
Maria, do me a favour, will you?
374
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,680
Keep an eye on Birdie.
She's very nervous.
375
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,119
Winnie's Wisdom.
Sounds good, doesn't it?
376
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,840
ANGUISHED MOOING
377
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,919
I like it.
378
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,719
First, we have to build up
the brand - one-on-one consults,
379
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,639
word of mouth. It's called
developing your customer base.
380
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:31,119
I know that, Enzo, son. I'm really
intelligent now, you know?
381
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:34,199
But once we get some press coverage,
you're going to be huge.
382
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,599
I'm talking newspaper articles,
television interviews.
383
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,599
But the big money-maker? Yeah?
Television quiz shows.
384
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,439
Ooh...
385
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:46,679
Enzo, you know Dermot and Buster
are already managing Winnie?
386
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,839
They're completely wrong for her,
Cathy. And you would know this how?
387
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,759
I'll have you know, Cathy,
that in school
388
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,799
my teachers called me exceptional.
389
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,240
Are you sure they didn't say
special?
390
00:22:58,241 --> 00:23:01,319
Where are Dermot and Buster, anyway?
391
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,399
Dermot took Buster down to
the airport for his parachute jump.
392
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,519
In this weather?!
I know!
393
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,320
I bet Dermot got it half-price
because of the storm!
394
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,959
Well? How are the sandwiches coming?
395
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,520
Good. What do you think?
Enough there?
396
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,320
Right, well, that'll do
Enzo and Birdie.
397
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,000
Now make some for the rest of us.
AGNES CACKLES
398
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,839
WIND HOWLS
This way, Sisters.
399
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,239
Here, Einstein, put the kettle on.
400
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:34,599
Or is that too menial a job
for a genius?
401
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,159
Shut up, you.
402
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,239
I'm listening, son.
403
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,639
Dermot will probably charge you 20%,
but I'm looking at a very fair...
404
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:44,840
..15.
15?
405
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,479
BANG!
Jesus!
406
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,720
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
Jesus, Winnie, are you OK?
407
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,599
I'm fine, Agnes. Oh!
It's just a shock. Ooh...
408
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,159
And you know what they say...
409
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,120
..it's only a shock
if a kangaroo does it.
410
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,279
No, Winnie, nobody says that.
411
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,319
No? Winnie...?
Yeah?
412
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,239
What's the capital of Mongolia?
413
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:14,639
Oh, er, I don't know, Agnes.
414
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,360
Is it Texas?
415
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,439
What's the square root of 400?
416
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,559
Numbers don't have roots!
417
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,400
They're not weeds.
418
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,559
Uh-oh. I'm out.
419
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,640
Winnie... Yeah? Sit down there
and make yourself comfortable.
420
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:36,079
Winnie is back!
AUDIENCE CHEERS
421
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:37,840
What the fu...
422
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,999
I go in to check on sandwiches
423
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,440
and come out to
the cast of The Sound Of Music.
424
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,839
Lord be with you.
ALL: And also with you.
425
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,319
Mammy, you said they could stay here
till the storm passes.
426
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:52,719
Yeah, I said stay here,
427
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,879
but I didn't mean "here" here.
428
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,799
DOOR SLAMS
429
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,599
Heavens to Murgatroyd!
430
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,279
Is Buster here?
He was with you.
431
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,710
I was waiting for him at the landing
spot, but he got blown off course.
432
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,639
Are you surprised?
It's blowing a gale out there.
433
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,279
I followed him in me car.
I lost him over the village.
434
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,879
Well, he's not here. I'll tell you,
if he drops in, I'll call you.
435
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,800
CRASH!
436
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,520
AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS
437
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,160
I'm OK.
438
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,159
# Happy birthday to you
439
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,959
ALL: # Happy birthday to you
440
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:48,799
# Happy birthday, dear Buster
441
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,759
# Happy birthday to you. #
442
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,400
CATHY: Hip hip!
ALL CHEER
443
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,519
Well, what a week that's been.
444
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,239
Winnie's back.
That's the good news.
445
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,959
And she's just...herself,
446
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,159
if it is good news.
447
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,439
Oh, and once the storm passed,
448
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,879
the Sisters went back to Galway
with Mary.
449
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,439
You should've seen them going!
It was like
450
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,000
five little penguins in the car.
SHE CHUCKLES
451
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,679
Oh, and Cathy's voice is back,
unfortunately.
452
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,999
You know...that storm reminded me
453
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,879
of the Covid times. You know,
when we all came together.
454
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,199
AUDIENCE: Awww!
455
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,999
It'd be nice, you know,
if we could all just come together
456
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,719
without a storm
or a feckin' pandemic,
457
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:46,799
just because we wanted to. Mm, yeah.
458
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,559
You know, my mother used to say...
459
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,120
SHE SPEAKS FAKE IRISH
460
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,319
And I would look at her
lovingly and I'd say...
461
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,199
.."Mammy...
462
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,880
"..I think it's time to go back
to the fuckin' home."
463
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,119
Goodnight!
464
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:10,840
# Say hello to the queen
of Dublin town
465
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:17,040
# As the best mum of all,
she wears the crown
466
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,679
# Mother hen watching all her chicks
467
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,959
# Sassy old lady, full of tricks
468
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:30,399
# It's a safe bet she'd never let
life get her down
469
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,439
# She's Mrs Brown
470
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,039
# That's Mrs Brown... #
471
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:36,599
Goodnight!
472
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,520
# Our Mrs Brown. #
473
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,679
Goodnight, Buster.
474
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,880
Night-night, Mrs Brown.
475
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:55,480
Hello?
476
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,559
Hello?!
477
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,800
SHE CACKLES
478
00:28:01,850 --> 00:28:06,400
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