Original subtitles

ORG: Konrad, CHANGED BY: Freejack ♫ romantic guitar music ♫

[footsteps]

It is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

Why are you still here?

I have shit to finish.

You're working through the holiday.

No, I asked if they needed any help, but...

Apparently, we haven't opened.

Yeah, people fight over the overtime pay every year.

Do you... have any plans or...?

No, none.

I'm not going home?

No.

I'm gonna finish this.

Hello?

Hey, it's Grace.

Yeah, you still have the same number.

Yeah, so do you.

I got your message, figured I'd call.

I'm trying to do the text less call more thing.

Seems more personal.

Yeah, it works for our grandparents, I guess.

So, what's up?

I don't know,

just feeling kind of lonely,

a little drunk.

Yeah, the holidays can really suck.

Are you coming home?

No,

not this year.

Working straight through, huh?

Not really.

I just

My holiday plans

consist of

a big bottle of wine

and some Chinese food.

Well, fuck.

Why don't you come see me?

I'm not coming home.

No, I'm going to my friend's cabin.

I go every year.

It'll be super fun.

Come on.

I haven't seen you in four years.

I know, that's why it'll be great.

And your friends are cool with it?

My friends are cool with everything.

You'll be my date.

I know you want to.

Why the hell not?

I'll look at

some flights and I'll text you some options.

♫ romantic guitar music continues ♫

- [Nadine] Hi. - Welcome.

So, did you see this you too?

Come in.

Wow, this is really nice.

Thank you.

Nadine, these are my good friends, Billy and Austin.

Grace has told us so much about you.

Only the terrible things, I hope.

At least all the terrible things through high

school graduation and you're moving to Nashville.

Well, thank you so much for having me.

I asked Grace if I needed to bring anything,

but she said

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I have everything covered.

Did Grace not tell you?

My wife is a chef.

It's true.

Oh, well, had you told me there was going to be a professional chef,

I would have fought you less when you invited me.

Well, I wanted to surprise you.

I'll bet that I have a few even bigger surprise for you while you're here.

But shit, I bet my room is burning.

I'll be right back.

Are you staying in Grace's room?

There's actually only two bedrooms, so I just assumed.

I totally don't mind sleeping on the couch.

No, no, don't be ridiculous.

We used to have sleepovers all the time.

You'll have to leave the couch open for Austin.

He snores when he's drunk.

This is unfortunately true.

I also plan on being drunk, so

Alright.

Come on.

I'll show you the bedroom.

This is the room.

It's a little tiny, but super comfy.

It's cute.

So, how was your flight?

It was fine.

Good?

Except my Uber driver got lost three times on the way here.

Oh my god.

Yeah, it's pretty oncey out here.

I'm feeling a little

gross after my flight, so

I think I want to take a shower.

Would you mind pointing me to the restroom?

Yeah, it's right around the corner, and the shower handle is reversed.

Okay.

Thank you.

How's the room?

Perfect.

I didn't burn it.

She seems pretty nice.

She seems serious.

She's great, I promise.

Oh my god.

The last time we tried to fly on Thanksgiving, it was a fucking shit show.

Oh my god.

Are you going to tell me the story?

Okay, so you know where you do the thing where

one person sits in the window and one person sits in the aisle.

That way someone is much less likely to buy the middle seat, right?

Okay.

Okay, would you mind just washing the carrots in the air, please?

Sure.

So guess what?

Somebody bought the middle seat.

Of course.

I'm not just anyone, so he was this huge bodybuilder, and

I swear to god he had not showered since his last workout.

Oh my god.

And so normally if you do the technique, right, and someone sits in the middle

seat or gets the middle seat, you can just be like, Hey, this is my wife.

Do you mind like trading seats?

Because nobody really wants to sit in the middle anyway, right?

Yeah, probably thing to do.

But no, this guy was insistent upon sitting in the middle seat.

He listened to his music without headphones be an

entire time and wrote his leg on the whole flight.

Oh, me too, babe.

Me too.

And then he asked for my number.

I think we were stuck on that tarmac

for like three hours without air conditioning.

Oh, it sounds terrible.

Oh, hey, how was your flight?

That's fine.

What's you mind cutting up the rest of the squash for me?

Of course.

Oh, what is that?

This is just something I found in the garage.

I've just been stashed there for a while.

I'm like a waiter, so risky.

Okay, everybody, who wants wine?

Thank you.

Two new friends.

Cheers.

Cheers.

So good.

Very nice.

Hey, everybody, do me a favor and get together over here.

Yeah.

I want to take a picture.

We've got to document this step.

Not all the time.

Not everything else to be daunting.

The count of three, say

Coast Coast.

One, two, three.

Coast Coast.

I started feeling a little weird,

and I hadn't had much of drink that night, so I knew it wasn't that.

But my stomach started feeling really nauseous, out of nowhere.

So I get up, trying to make it to the bathroom, and I get halfway there,

and I just vomit all over the restaurant floor.

I know.

I was mortified.

I know.

I think that was the point at which she started hiding on the bathroom, right?

Oh my god, and it gets so much worse.

So my date bailed on me while I was in the bathroom.

He was like, fuck this.

And Nicole was nice enough to talk to the restaurant staff, so they let me sneak out

the side door, so I didn't have to do the walk of shame back to the table.

I saw her sneaking outside and trying to get in her car and drive,

and I was like, no, that is a terrible idea.

So I went back in and bailed on Nicole and offered to drive her home.

It was obviously too nauseated to think clearly, so I said yes.

And Nicole didn't mind.

I think she more so felt sorry for me.

But we ended up driving home, got inside,

where I proceeded to promptly throw up again.

And then I just passed out on your lap on the sofa.

- So sweet - Romance.

And here we are.

So food poisoning brought you two together?

Actually the flu.

The sexiest of all diseases.

The sexiest.

So

Who wants more dinner?

I'm so full.

I'm dead.

And then pumpkin pie.

She was.

Yes, please.

Yes, I would love so.

Morning.

Thank you.

Can I still sleep?

Yeah.

It is Austin?

Yeah.

Or not?

Sorry.

It's good for them.

So, what's the plan for today?

You guys don't really seem like the Black Friday type.

Fuck that.

You see those trees out there?

We have about three acres,

but beyond that is a national forest.

That sounds lovely.

It is

I've got to burn off that Thanksgiving dinner somehow.

It's just nice and sweet. It's all over the ground.

It's fine for sacken whem.

Maybe you can remember that time you came here and lit this tree on?

It was so fun.

Oh no!

This is the dead tree.

It's very textured.

It's gorgeous.

Guys, look at this giant pine pond.

Oh my god.

It's thick as your house.

Look.

It's its pine.

My god.

It's growing up behind her.

It's very nice.

You'll take it with you.

Oh my God.

I like the rotated above the flame as long as I can

as long as I can technique until it's about to fall off the bone.

Yeah, I would slow twist.

I would like to be the kind of person that can wait

to make a perfectly golden brown marshmallow.

I don't think that I am.

Burn it and you won't have that issue.

I feel like this fire is not very fiery. I'm not even on fire yet.

Ooh, look, it's still smoking, that's amazing.

Ooh, it's perfect.

You're hogging all the good fire over here.

- Come and see us on fire. - My fire isn't hot.

We should play that game.

What's the thing? Never have I ever?

Good idea, this is not nearly drunk enough.

- Have you heard of it? - Do you detach this morning?

I've heard of it, but I've actually never played.

Oh my god, it's so easy.

So basically if I say something like,

"Never have I shoplifted".

If you have shoplifted, any of you, then you take a drink.

If you haven't, you skip and we go down the line.

Okay.

I'm down.

I was a wild child.

Never have I ever

broken a bone.

Goodbye, right arm.

Never have I ever

woken up face down in the fountain.

I'm sorry enough.

It was college.

Never have I ever

finished a job breaker.

Yeah.

Not ever lasting.

Baby.

Never have I ever

gone skinny do.

Self-roost.

Gotta do it.

Never have I ever

had sex

with a friend's ex.

Okay, yeah.

Self-burn.

Were you just about to take a drink as well?

Yeah.

Thank you.

And then give her back.

I think we owe each other stories.

Never have I ever

stolen a car in a foreign country.

What?

Never have I ever

kissed a girl.

Yes, please.

Never have I ever

kissed a boy.

It's either something kinky or something foreign in criminal history with him.

Never dullment that one.

Never have I ever

taken it up the butt.

A little Austin.

Living life, baby.

What?

Nadine.

Come on.

My oldest friend. I never knew.

Everyone has secrets.

Never have I ever had a threesome.

We keep on throwing him back.

Ooh, bottle's getting low.

Never have I ever had a foursome.

Really?

We should fix that.

Look at that.

So hot.

Look at these shoes.

Oh, decorative.

Oh, you feel so nice.

Have you seen my last butt?

I like them like that, but like, do way.

No, that's good.

I'm trapped.

Yeah, he's got me over there.

Come on, me, then.

Back.

Oh, this is nice.

Wait, I'm going to do this part too.

Oh, fuck.

- Oh, my God. - That's what I'm saying.

Yes, go on the line.

So good.

It's an intention, to.

Do you need me to turn my chair?

I want to swap.

I need your switch.

Oh, God, that is so sexy.

Oh, my God.

Sex and so on?

I just feel so good.

Match to be?

It's fine.

Let's fine.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my God.

It's fine like that?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What's happening back there?

I want to see you.

We came to nice.

Yeah.

What can I do for you?

Such a nice wife.

She's good.

Hi, what can I do for you?

Oh, all sorts of things.

Can I start to explore something like that?

Oh, yes, of course.

I'm going to look up here, this one's nice.

A pair?

Yeah.

Soft, see.

Soft, yes.

Oh, right.

You're going to be happy with this?

Do that again, yes, yes.

You are exceptionally good.

Surprise.

More, please.

I need a face.

Nice to see him fucking you.

It's so nice of you, shit.

Oh my God oh my God

To hold on to?

Yes.

Oh my gosh!

Keep doing that.

Let's stay right there.

Keep doing that.

I gonna kiss you me.

Reading sou sound.

Oh, I feel so good.

Oh, my fucking God.

Will join me?

A treat.

Oh, honey.

I don't know how much longer I can hold this in.

I need some water.

Let's see who's going to get it to me.

Who's going to get it tonight?

I think she's going to get it to me.

Everybody kiss your body.

Come right here.

Oh, honey, I think she's going to look at them and sex.

You really want to come.

Yeah.

I want to see you when I come.

Come on ready hier.

Kiss your legs.

Oh baby,

Se so gonna come on over big round butt.

Are you ready?

Yes.

Yes, come on my ass.

You three are so fucking hot.

- Darling. - It was our time.

That was the most precious.

You both kids were poor.

Oh my god.

I'm so tired.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Have you found it in your mouth, yes?

It is.

I think they could use some more if they want to see you on that bottom one.

Okay.

Where is everything?

- I won't - Do it in your life.

No, no, no.

Take your place.

Take a seat.

Please.

Yes I'm in.

Yes, please.

Where's the point again?

Good morning.

Good morning.

How would you sleep?

How better than I have in a long time.

That's good.

Are Billy nice? This looks like?

I don't know.

Looks like we have a note.

Happy Saturday.

We had to pop into town and run a couple of errands.

There are board games in the cabinet

and a bottle of champagne in the fridge.

Go to town.

Love Billy.

I guess not.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Take two cards.

Gosh.

We're going run out here.

Does this strike you as like vaguely misogynistic?

I would not say vague.

I think it's very clearly misogynistic.

Absolutely.

I'm like, "Oh, my six-year-old, why don't you go on a date?

Let's just swap one card.

Swap one card.

I know.

Dangerous.

I have to go on my secret suitor date at this point.

You are.

Thank you, thank you.

Did I convince you with my mind to take that card?

I don't know.

Okay.

Yeah.

No.

All right.

Five.

One, two, three, four, five.

Okay, let's see.

See, since you ruined my other prospect, I'm going to go with Beach Boy.

Will I be a lucky lady tonight?

Yes!

Okay.

Can't wait to go on my date with this strapping young lad, I suppose.

Love his matching.

Yeah.

Get up.

It's really nice basket, at least.

It matches the umbrella.

True.

I miss this.

I assume you don't mean getting your ass kicked a terrible board game.

No.

We were best friends.

We're still close.

We're still close.

We're just far away.

But we're not.

I feel like ever since I moved, we tried to stay in touch, but I don't know.

We tried to stay in touch, but I don't know.

I don't know why I suck.

No

You don't suck.

I suck.

I should have called.

I just picture you at your big fancy job in Nashville,

hanging out with your cool city friends,

going to get the best barbecue in the world.

Going to get the best barbecue in the world.

And I just

But if I were doing those things, I could tell you about it.

Do you not like your job?

I mean, I will.

It'll be amazing.

It's just right now, all I really do is transcribe

right now,

all I really do is transcribe

interviews from businesses about

health code violations,

Blah, blah, blah.

So yeah, and then I go home to my tiny apartment.

No friends?

Dates

hookups?

Oh my god, that's too sad for words.

Let's talk about my super exciting life now.

The coffee shop is like totally amazing, dude.

The customers are always the very best.

Friends?

One million.

Dates?

Every night.

Hookups?

My legs are constantly behind my ears.

No wait, stay right there.

Don't worry, I'll be right back.

Okay.

It's like that, huh?

Yes.

Perfect.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Let me take one of you.

One, two, three.

Ooh, saucier.

Beautiful.

You know if there's anything I love, it's drama.

Oh my god, yeah.

Yes.

Now, give me a wistful, looking out the window,

thinking of someone.

I'm going to make up my secret seder.

Yes, your secret seder.

Oh, that's so pretty.

They're loading.

They're taking forever.

Oh, I hope this isn't a blank one.

No, just need some time.

These are gorgeous.

Look at you.

Oh, I guess I'm missing myself from that angle.

Bad, please never show that to anyone.

No, it's going on my fridge.

Oh my god.

It's going on my fridge.

I told you.

Oh, your potential Nashville friends are going to seem spreadable.

What friends?

It's true.

Oh, for me.

Thinking about the secret suit.

That one's great.

Imagine you're riding on the hillside.

Cute.

I'm going to keep that.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

Please.

I'm going to see if it matches that.

I'll tangle that.

We're offed up there.

Come so me.

Oh, wait.

No, no.

Let's over nice.

I'm distracted, okay?

Yeah.

I over you.

It looks so beautiful when you're looking up like this.

These are cute, but

Not that cute.

Yeah.

I think they've been cuter on the floor.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

I can't pull my hair out of you.

You're are talented.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh god, if we still stop.

I don't even have some stuff on my face.

Oh, my God. Yes, yes, right there.

You're a little quieter, huh?

Oh my god, my legs are jello.

I wasn't sure if I was gonna be able to get it from me.

That was a lot of shaking.

You're all fuzzy.

I'm coming.

Oh, sometime.

I love it when you do that.

Is that a bite?

Oh, I'm falling sclap.

Where do you want me?

You have a cheap bend over.

I have.

And a cheer relax.

It's a little rest.

Oh my face.

It's an excellent view.

God, I love it down there.

Oh, yes.

Oh God, I'm getting so sensitive.

Get up kiss me.

Our cavern we've creaven.

I'm hitting the marshmallows good today.

Just been meaning to show you what to do.

I'm nervous.

You're doing it.

I believe in you.

Oh, oh, it's not that, oh.

Okay Good job.

Well,

Very impressive, very impressive.

You know, there's a celebrity chef who can do that with a sword.

I don't even understand how that works.

I don't know, physics or something.

Well, cheers to old friends.

Fuck you, I'm not old.

God, it's beautiful out here.

Yeah, that's perfect.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

Why didn't you go home for Thanksgiving?

Do you wanna know the truth?

Yeah.

So,

six months after I moved,

I

I fell in love,

which was dumb.

But I took her home to meet my parents,

and that did not go over well.

About a month later,

Heather and I broke up.

And I can't take it back.

Do you wanna take it back?

No

No, but do I wish I could call my mom and not have it be awkward?

Fuck, yeah.

Yeah, I guess I can see how saying, "Hey mom, I'm gay,"

wouldn't work out so well.

It was even worse.

It was, "Hey mom, I'm pansexual,"

and her head just like exploded.

Shit.

Was it like sex should be between a man and a woman who love each other very much?

Yeah.

Yeah, only with the purpose of making a baby.

Right, of course.

Did you just come out to me?

Yeah, I guess I did.

Sorry, it took so long.

I'm glad you did.

And you know what?

Fuck your mom.

Fuck who's mom?

Found them!

Come on, you guys, I broke back dinner.

So how was your day?

Did you end up enjoying yourselves?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I really like your friends.

Yeah, they're good people.

This is really nice.

Yeah,

it is.

This feels really good.

So, were you going to come visit me?

Of course I'm going to come visit you.

We can get some barbecue and stuff.

But you can't get weird on me.

What have I ever gotten weird on you?

Remember that one time at Caitlin's party when we made out and then you

when we made out and then you

Oh yeah, um,

yeah I'm really sorry about that.

I promise I'll never get weird on you again.

Good.

And then

And then?

Oh wait.

The lights.

Me too.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Hey.

Hey, good morning.

What are you doing?

I have a flight to catch, remember?

Yeah.

Do you want me to drive you to the airport?

No, I have a new bird coming already. It's fine.

Okay.

Hey, I

I had a really good time.

Me too.

Thanks for inviting me.

Of course.