All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] 2001 Maniacs Field Of Screams 2010 Unrated 1080p AMZN WEB-DL H264-GPRS

(earth rumbling)

(dark music)

(light music)

(soft military drumming)

- [Mayor] 1864, April 22nd.

I remember that day
like it was yesterday.

A renegade troop of
northern soldiers

fightin' in the
so-called Civil War,

raped our women,
murdered our children,

even took out my goddamn eye.

I can still hear granny's cries

as they burnt Pleasant
Valley to the ground.

(distant screams)

They killed us all,

doomed us to a life in limbo.

Nothing more than
ghosts seeking revenge.

(wind blowing)

I guess that's the way
the good Lord wants it.

Eye for eye, tooth for tooth,
as the Old Testament says.

One thing's for certain.

Our souls ain't
ever gonna find rest

till all 2001 are avenged.

(tense music)

(gun firing)

(gun firing)

(pastoral music)

Yes sir, name's Buckman,
Mayor George W Buckman.

And here in Pleasant Valley,

the anniversary of our
tragic massacre has arrived.

And so have we.

Knives have been
sharpened for justice.

The table set for revenge.

We try to make sport of it for
the little ones. (chuckling)

No reason vengeance
can't be fun.

Only thing missing
are the Yanks.

And so, yet again,

we wait.

(soft music)

Must admit, Granny's been deeply
loyal through the decades.

Just ain't into rubbing
ankles with her no more.

Last time we did,
I popped my sons.

(people grunting)

- Filthy scum.

- I think that's
them coming now.

- What in the blazes?

(bluegrass music)
- Come on.

* The south's gonna rise again

(crowd hooting)

* The south's gonna rise again

(bluegrass music)

* The south's gonna rise again

- You ain't gonna
like this none, daddy.

- Sheriff Freeman here done
tore down the detour sign.

- Will you please?

Damn.

What seems to be the problem
here, my good Sheriff Friedman?

- The problem, my good mayor

is every spring I get
calls from the state police

after y'all's little festival,

looking for missing
northern folk.

Up till now I've
played ball with y'all.

But now I got feds
sniffing around my butt.

- You played ball with y'all,

'cause we have paid you
quite a generous bounty

for your stewardship.

Ain't that right, sweet cream?

- You didn't mind
me when you was a

cub scout, did you little baby?

- No ma'am.

- You wouldn't be pretending
you can resist me?

- No ma'am.

- That's what I thought.

- Look, milk or no milk,

I ain't dropping the soap
in prison for none of you.

Ain't gonna be no
more jamborees.

No more feasting.
No more killing.

None of it, is that clear?

- Clear as a nighttime kiss

on a young possum's cooch.

- This town used to be a jewel
in the crown of the South.

You maniacs have
squeezed it into a turd.

- Now hush up you big baby,
you're ruinin' all of the fun.

- Amen, Harper.

Why such ungratitude
brings a tear to my eye

when I think of
all the hard work

that went into making
this thrill ride.

Am I right, folks?

(crowd cheering)

- Damn you and your thrill ride.

- Well, if that's how you feel,

guess we'll have to tick you
a little on the way down.

- Now hold on a minute.

Wait a minute, y'all.

Come on now.

(ominous music)

Hold on a minute.

Will you make a deal?

(crowd shouting)

- No deal.

- Fuck you and your maniacs.

Wait, wait a minute.

- Bye bye.

- [Sheriff] No. No!

- Okay, folks, what time is it?

- [Crowd] Roll out the barrel.

- Roll out the what?

- Roll out the barrel.

- I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

- Kill that motherfucker.

(crowd cheering)

- You got it.

One,

two,

three. (laughing)

(drum roll)

(sheriff grunting)

- Bullseye.

(crowd cheering)

(sheriff grunting)

- Oh.

Oh, let's hear some of
that old death rattle.

(sheriff spitting)

- I'll see you in hell, Buckman.

- We already there.

(mayor grunting)

(bluegrass music)
(lyrics muffled)

- Oh well, Bucky,

if the northern folk
won't come to the south.

- Why, we'll bring the
south to them. (laughing)

(rock music)

* Old (indistinct)
way down south *

* Steel in their hands
and blood in their mouth *

* Driven to the north
and the animate man *

* They're gonna get their
revenge on anyone they can *

* Well, the game is simple

* Just run for your life

* They're gonna hunt you down

* And cut you up with a knife

* Killers on the highway

* Raise a bloody fist
and give a rebel yell *

* Killers on the highway

* They're gonna
strike you down *

* And drive you
straight to hell *

* It's all goin' out
on a deserted road *

* People go in but
they never go home *

* Come into your town
on the lost highway *

* It's free to get in but
there'll be hell to pay *

* Well the game is this

* You'd better run
for your life *

* They're gonna hunt you down
and cut you up with a knife *

* Killers on the highway

* Raise a bloody fist
and give a rebel yell *

* Killers on the highway

* They're gonna track you down

* And drive you
straight to hell *

* Killers on the highway

* Raise a bloody fist
and give a rebel yell *

* Killers on the highway

* They're gonna track you down

* And drive you
straight to hell *

- [Speaker] Right
there on the road.

Don't forget to
check the back seat.

- [Announcer] Next
week on Road Rascals,

the old South gets a
taste of Beverly Hills,

as America's
favorite debutantes,

Rome and Tina Sheraton,
head to Georgia.

- Watch out red states.

- Because we're coming your way.

- [Rome] I hear the
south smells like shit.

- [Tina] Isn't the
liberty bell in Georgia?

- I heard they have these
bugs there called chiggers

that sleep in your puss.

- Those Mexican cleaning
ladies better not bitch us out.

My sister has got to
ditch that icky dead dog.

Yeah, it was sad
when biscuit died,

but then Rome went
and got it taxidermed.

- I cannot stand my
sister's boyfriend, Falcon.

He's so gay.

Hello?

- Tina's not for sure.

But, you know, I mean,

it's not like we're
married or anything.

- Yo, yo, yo.

What plays in Georgia,
stays in Georgia.

Just don't tell Rome, right bro?

* La la la la la la

- [Announcer] All this and
more next week on Road Rascals.

- [Rome] So that's the promo.

- Nice.

- Don't you just love it?

- Absolutely.

Red State, blue state,
Rome and Tina Sheraton.

The wing of the left

flying deep into the
heart of the right.

I think we're talking
Golden Globe on this one.

- Why so shortsighted, Jerry?

I mean, why not
Pulitzer or the Nobel?

What could possibly be more
prize winning than these two

jiggling their tits
across the heartland?

- Bristol, please.

- Well, I know mommy's little
biscuit loved it, didn't she?

Mm.

- Mommy's little Biscuit
doesn't love anything anymore.

Would you bury
that bone already?

It fucking stinks.

- Why do you have to be
such a goddamn tool, KJ?

- I'm not the one lip
smacking a stuffed corpse.

- Tina.

Falcon.

- Dude, stop bagging on the rat.

Ah, I mean, Kay.

Can't you show Biscuit
just a little respect?

- Bro, who's on
the fucking leash?

You, or the bag of sawdust?

- Look, dude, I kiss her
ass, she makes me famous.

(van running)

(driver sniffing)

- Fucking cheapskates
putting up some damn curtain

like I'm the fucking hired help.

Where the fuck are we anyway?

Iowa?

What the fuck is in Iowa?

Hey, I know I shouldn't
have let you drive.

- Would you get off
your rag already?

How many times do
I have to tell you,

mama wants a hard shell taco,

and all you got is
soggy (foreign word).

- Shut up, baby.

I got a hard shell taco.

You just need the supersize
it, now back to work, sweetie.

Come on. Come on.

There you go, now shut
the fuck up and suck it.

- [Jerry] Okay, yes, yes, yes.

I see, I can see it.

I see a new moon
rising. (laughing)

(pop music)
(lyrics muffled)

- Excuse me.

I've had enough of this shit.

I know that you
and these heiresses

like to do whatever you
want down Rodeo Drive.

But here, I'm the producer.

I'm the boss.

There'll be no partying,
no drugs, and no sex.

- Think he could put
that no sex clause

in Jerry's contract?

- I mean, where's the respect?

I mean, I'm the fucking driver,

the fucking
production assistant,

the fucking caterer.

The fucking, fuck oh fuck, baby.

- We're a full-time
party girls, Val.

Okay? It's what we do.

And it's like you don't
want us doing what we do.

- Yeah, like making me wear
panties to the Saturn Awards.

Or not letting Romey
shave her head.

- Girls, girls, girls.

It's not about wearing panties

or shaving your pussy, heads.

It's about not letting
these parasitic boyfriends

drag you down.

You gotta evolve
into modern women.

- More like modern rug munchers.

(driver achieving
sexual satisfaction)

(driver shouting)

(all screaming)

- [Speaker] Get off of me.

- What the is wrong
with you, Jesus?

- It's Jesus, puta.

And I hit a fucking detour sign.

- In the middle of the road?

- Yeah, in the
middle of the road.

- How much is this
gonna cost me, Jesus?

- Well knowing your cheap ass,

you probably over-insured
this piece of shit.

So the way I see it, I just
made you some money, bruja.

- Look, look, they
spelled it the French way.

- Where the fuck are we, anyway?

- [Jesus] Iowa.

- How the fuck did
we get to Iowa?

- Sorry, I was a
little bit distracted.

- Hey, we could always camp out.

You know, get the girls

in thongs...
- Whatever.

- ...roasting marshmallows.

It would make for
some great footage.

- I don't think so.

This place looks way too creepy.

- Yeah, it makes
biscuit's hair stand up.

- That would be the
formaldehyde, babe.

- Dude, respect.

- For once I agree
with the debutantes.

Let's just get out of here.

- Hate to interrupt
the production meeting,

but I got two busted front
tires and only one spare.

We ain't going nowhere.

- Here, call Triple A.

- Yo, call them
yourself, diabla rubia.

- God, do I have
to do everything?

(dialing phone)

There's no signal.

(Jesus speaking in
foreign language)

- Pleasant dreams, mijos.

(door closing)

(owl hooting)

- But, they spelled
it in French.

(dark music)

(ethereal whispering)

(ethereal whispering continues)

- KJ, I said, no anal.

- Babe, don't look at me.

- I was just checking the
this the battery, and-

- Come on babe, let's
get some privacy.

- [KJ] That's right, fool.
Get sticky with yourself.

- Oh yeah, baby. Lower, lower.

Break the clam.
- That good?

- Break it.
- Is that good?

Break it. Break
the clam. break it.

- You like that?
- Break it.

- You like that?
- Yeah.

Now give biscuit
a nice big smile.

(Rome screaming)

(sighing) Nightmare.

Tinkle time.

- Make that tinkle for two.

- Let's finish
together this time.

One,

- Two.

- Three.

- [Rome] What the fuck?

- Welcome to Pleasant
Valley, sorta.

(bluegrass music)

(lyrics muffled)

Woo ha.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Name's Buckman,
George W Buckman.

And y'all have
arrived just in time

to be our special guests

at the Pleasant Valley
Traveling Jamboree.

(crowd cheering)

- You clowns for real?

- As real as it gets, nacho.

- That's right.

Now, back in our hometown

of dear old Pleasant
Valley, Georgia,

every year about this
time we put on a-

- Whoa.

- Huh?
What the hell is that?

- Why, that's my pooch box.

- Pooch box?

- Scarlet Red means
love box, gentlemen.

Come her 18th birthday, our
mayor presents her with the key.

- She's very progressive.

- Oh, you good at
licking rock Hollywood?

- Hell, I'll lick
your rock silly, babe.

- China Rose was trying to say,

picking locks,

my lock.

- I can pick locks.

When I was a kid, I
broke into a shul,

and the shamus caught
me lifting a holla.

- Holy moly.

Folks, we got
ourselves a Hebrew.

(all laughing)

- That's Jew to you, Colonel.

- Jew, Hebrew, Christ killer.

It's all the same
in Spain. (laughing)

That reminds me,

what's the difference between
an Israeli and an Israelite?

About a hundred calories.

(all laughing)

Moving right along folks.

Every year down in Georgia,

we put on a show,
- Wait, wait a minute.

Did you say Georgia?

- Why, yes ma'am, our
proud southern state.

- Do you think we could cheat
this locale for Georgia?

- For the right price,

I could play Laguna Beach
for the Golan Heights.

- What's all the
whispering about?

- Mayor Buckman?

Turner, Val Turner, producer.

- Ooh.

- Well I do declare that we
shall join your jamboree.

- Well, that's great news.

Hit it, Crow.

(bluegrass music)
(lyrics muffled)

(bluegrass music continues)

(military drumming)

(dark music)

Christ on a cracker, boys.

After all these 140 odd years,

sometimes I think we should just

burn the whole goddamn
north in one giant bonfire.

Ah, but ah,

what's the style in that?

A one shot discharge?

- None, Captain, my
Captain. None at all.

- Damn right, Harper.

Besides, it goes
against tradition.

And quite frankly, tradition,

about all we got left.

- The network is going
to love this bunch

of redneck outsiders

who thought the South
won the Civil War.

- They didn't.

- No Tina, they didn't.

- That's right, it was a Nazis.

- Anyway, while our
sister act putties up,

Jesus, you and Cherry
go and do some scouting.

See if you can find
some indigenous
locations around here.

You do know what
indigenous means, right?

- Hey Val, why don't
you, me, and Bristol

do some interviews
with the hicks?

You know, put a
face to the place.

- If you don't mind,

I think I'd rather go
with Jesus and Cherry.

- What do you, you got
a thing for this cholo?

- What's that, Spielberg?

Do you want me to give
you a second bris?

- Chill out, Jay.

Look, I'll carry his shit.

You just go show Miss
Thang a good time.

Make sure you save enough
sugar for Black Cherry. Cool?

- Cool.

- Whatever.

- Come on, get over it, Jerry.

Come on, come on.

If we nail this, the network
is gonna be talking spinoffs.

Pay-per-view, Blu-Ray box set.

These fine folks of
Pleasant Valley play ball,

this gig will never end.

(ominous music)

- I know I speak for us all sir,

when I say I'm proud to
be among the chosen few

here with you in the
translocation of the troubles.

- Well, God bless you Harper.

You know, you're a
regular goddamn Mark Twain

with your poeticizin'.

You have earned your
spot on the bus.

Y'all did.

- Even Jezebel, too daddy?

- Yeah, Jezebel too.

Except she earned her spot

in the section
called, provisions.

- Daddy, you don't mean
you're gonna harm Jezebel.

I mean that stuffed
piece of lamb jerky

is gonna be on my
dining room table

next to some mint jelly and
a good bottle of Muscatel,

unless you boys go out there

and get me some Yankees quick.

Now skedaddle.

And make me proud.

Or something like it.

(upbeat music)

- So when's your CD dropping?

- End of summer.

- Excuse me, Your CD?

What happen to our CD?

We can't do everything
together, Romey.

Besides it's music,
not a basketball team.

- Yeah, the label wants
for me to record too.

Emo meets death metal.

Ballads with balls. (laughing)

(rock music)
(lyrics muffled)

- Yo, yo, yo, check out Abda.

Mackin' on my boy's dill pickle.

Dude, I ever tell
you about the time

I totally fucked my babysitter?

- Bro, I thought you said your
uncle was your babysitter.

- Nevermind.

- So what's a hottie like you

doing with a limp
dick like Jerry?

- (laughing) Ever
heard the one about

the dumb blonde who
slept with the writer

to get ahead in Hollywood?

Guess that's me.

- Oh baby, you're no dumb
blonde, you're just misinformed.

See, it's not the writers
or even the directors

who got the forward
in Hollywood.

It's the Teamsters.

You stick with me,
I'll hook you up.

- Yeah, like I've never
heard that one before.

- Bitch, I ain't playing you.

- Oh yeah? So who you
gonna hook me up with?

- For one a bunch
of buddies of mine

got this indie horror
thing going on.

See, horror's hot as hell
these days, you know?

- I would love to get
killed in a horror flick.

- I bet you would, and I
bet you'd look good, too

all naked and covered in
blood and guts and shit.

(people gasping)

Yo ladies, this looks
like a job for a homie.

- Oh, Yankee Joe, sucky dicky.

- I said homie, not homo.

Give me that thing.

- Okay, now that a gentleman
is eased our burden,

we can finally
commence to practice.

- Excuse me ladies,

but we were in the middle
of a conversation here.

(Jesus speaking in
foreign language)

Jesus, remember me?

Bristol, horror movies,
covered in blood.

Naked.

- (speaking in foreign language)
Definitely more tongue.

- You getting this?

Yeah, perfect Granny.

Make sure you get

a tight shot.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have it, Val. Thank you.

- [Val] Come on, all right well,

let's start shooting.

Come on.
- All right.

- Am I good?

- [Jerry] Okay.
No, no, no, no, no.

- My roots look good.

- [Jerry] You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.

All right, I want
you to really, okay,

and action.

- Our Native American friends.

- [Val] All right, cut. Cut.

Excuse me, Granny, but.

- [Jerry] Excuse me.

But I'm the director and I
am the one who calls cut.

- I write the checks, okay?

All right. All right.

The shuck isn't working.

Let me think.

Granny, profile.
Give me me a profile.

- Well, I got two profiles.
- Other profile.

- This is my better side.

- Face this way.

All right, just go
with it, go with it.

Action.

- Our Native American friends

taught us the many
uses of maize.

You can boil it, you can pop it.

And ladies, trust me.

With a little pig butter,

this corn cob makes one
hell of a nighttime buddy.

(all laughing)

(rock music)

* If you got a gun
and a poisoned mind *

(lyrics muffled)
(swimmers laughing)

* Everybody (indistinct)
now and then *

(lyrics muffled)

* And all I say

* Is don't let it
get in your head *

* 'Cause when she goes down

* She's a suicide love machine

* Like it or not she'll
do what she please *

* She's a suicide love machine

* Livin' it up (indistinct)

- Looky loo Jesse, a
fallen soldierette.

Sniff her out girl.
Check her vitals.

- Yo, get that
beast away from her.

- That beast is my
lady friend, Senor.

And if ya habla ingles,
you'd understand,

she's telling you to
go call on Mr. Harper.

- Mr. Harper?

- Harper Alexander, honey.

He veterinarian, he fix
chickens luck and such.

- Oh, he does people too.

I want some, so a pig knuckle
on a Chinaman. (giggling)

(soft music)

- [Tina] Hey.

- Yo Opie, you mind?

- The name's
Hucklebilly, dumbass.

And I don't mind it all.

- Oh.

- Like what you see, little man.

- My, my, my, the
South is rising.

- Dang, must have
gotten stung by a bee.

I'm all swelled up down there.

- Don't you have
some cotton to pick?

- Yeah, you know,
some shit to shovel?

- All my chores are done.

It's play time now.

Why are you stampeding me?

Get your paws off me
you damn dirty Yanks.

- Time to teach you a
lesson, Huckle fuck.

- That's Hucklebilly, ass clown.

You know the way
things look down there,

you two might wanna
get yourself stung.

- Party poopers. (laughing)

- Hello?

Hello?

Yo, anybody here?

- Looks like the little lady
could use my help, Santiago.

- It's Jesus,

and no shit Sherlock,
she had an accident.

She, she bumped her head.

- Hand me that iron.

The one on the table.

- You know if you like son,

I can also help you with
that speech impediment.

- Yo Dracula, it's
called an accent.

(Bristol moaning)

- The good doctor
needs his quietude.

I suggest you join the others.

Go on boy. Go on.

- Just make sure you
fix your up good.

I don't want nobody suing me.

- [Harper] No need to worry.

We'll bring her round
when she's done.

- Whatever (foreign phrase).

Knock yourselves out.

- Oh, you can
crack corn on that.

(Granny screaming)

- The secret to
southern home cooking

is you never, ever tenderize
without loving in your blade.

I love you.

Treat your meat as you
would an old friend.

Hi, come on in. (grunting)

Or an enemy. (grunting)

Or your friend's
enemy. (grunting)

(Granny grunting)

It's dinner time. Dinner time.

Come eat your goddamn dinner.

Come on, dinner time.

Whatcha doing now, Rufus?

- I made myself a Jesus chicken.

- Oh Christ.

- [Jerry] Cut.

(ghostly whispering)

- Pig snout.

- [Harper] Pig snout.

- What the fuck
is going on here?

- Why, you got yourself
a boo boo. (snorting)

One of our livestock
gets a boo boo,

we take him out
back and shoot 'em.

- [Bristol] Please
let me go, please.

- You don't have to
worry none, honey.

We ain't gonna shoot ya.

- That would be way too boring.

(Bristol screaming)

Ah, just what the
doctor ordered.

- No, please, please.

I'll be a good girl,
I'll do anything.

- This little piggy went market,

and this little
piggy stayed home.

And this little piggy
went wee wee wee,

la la la, all the way home.

(Bristol screaming)

(all shouting)

(Harper laughing)

(Bristol screaming)

(Harper yelling)

(Harper and nurse yelling)

- Guess who?

You know what Granny told you

about coming in here like this?

- Oh, the heck with her, Jemima.

My passion for you
is stronger than kin.

It's hotter than cornbread.

It's sweeter than watermelon.

- Mm, remember the first time
you crept into my stable?

Telling me how
things were gonna be.

- Ooh.
- Be your tar baby.

Do whatever you like,

no matter how dirty or nasty
or forbidden it might be?

- (laughing) I am
your lord and massa.

- Are you really?

Are you really in charge?

Are you really,
really in charge?

- I think so.

- I'm gonna lick
it clean, massa.

- Jemima.

Oh God.

Whoa.

(soft music)

- God damn it, Buckman.

You romancin' my
griddle cakes, again?

- No Granny, no, no.

- No, no.
- Duty calls.

- You were just thinking
about your darker nature

is what you're thinking about.

Go on you, get.

Oh, you race traitor.

You chocolate dipping.

- Guess who?

- Oh,

fudge dripping,
(Crow growling)

hunk of black ebony.

* Even know who you are

* Facebook superstar

(light music)

- This is a very expensive,
very uninsured camera

that my Uncle Sal
got me for Passover.

And if it's fucked, I'm
suing somebody's ass.

Probably yours, I'm just saying.

- And I'm just saying

that old hag chopped
those chickens

like she was Jeffrey
freaking Dahmer.

So your fuck camera, I
ain't feeling these people.

- At least these people

are not afraid of
a little hard work.

Kiss my black ass, Val.

- Bend over honey and I will.

- Hey boss man, why don't
you let me work the lens.

I got experience.

- Excuse me KJ, but last
time you worked the lens,

it cost my daddy half a
mil to buy back the video.

- Made you famous.

- No shit. Got my
little bro through juvy.

- Ah, look who's here.

So Jesus, where's Bristol?

- Oh, she's with the
doc, PMS or some shit.

It's cool, he's got a tent.

- So let me get this straight.

You left Bristol with
some white trash doctor

and it's cool 'cause
he's got a tent.

- Yeah, I thought you people
were cool with doctors.

You let 'em suck the shit out
your fat asses, don't you?

- That's it.

I can't work this way.

I mean, it's bad enough
I don't get per diem.

Now I gotta take insults from
Speedy Gonzales over here.

I'm finding Bristol,
and I'm outta here.

- You walk, you're in breach.

Then it's your getting sued.

- Good point.

- Chill out, Schiller.

I'll go get your girl.

- Oh no you don't.

- Can it.
- Sit down.

- KJ, you can go.

Next thing up is
Rome and Tina solo.

- Ooh, hot.

- Wait. You think
two girls is hot?

- Totally.

- All sushi and no hot dog?

- Sure.

- No blunt objects. Nothing
you can poke an eye out with?

- I think two girls is hot.

What?

God.

* A sad southern belle

* A proud Confederate gent

* Now they lust in hell

* This love once heaven

(Granny crooning)

There are some desires that
even death cannot whip,

wouldn't you agree, Bucky?

- Oh yeah, like revenge.

- I'm not talking about killing.

I'm talking about loving,

because it's always the
thirst before the slaughter

that gets the
temperature rising.

- Oh yeah.

Well thank God we got that
lovely milk maiden. (laughing)

- Screw our lovely milk maiden.

And I'm sure you are,
you son of a bitch.

- Hey Granny, what's cooking?

- Huck?

- Buck.

- Fuck.

- That's what I'm trying to do.

(Granny kissing and
Buckman grunting)

- It's stroke left, then right.

And you might wanna
blow in her ear.

That really gets
Jesse's juices flowing.

- No way. Same with my baby.

- Yes ma'am. You know it.

Gets 'em wet.
- Get outta here.

- Like a bog, or a bayou.

- Unacceptable.
- Hey, how about next

you let Jezebel give
biscuit a little pony ride?

- Yeah, I hear sawdust on
sawdust is a real turn on.

- What kind of doggy
biscuit is this?

- Put him down now.

- It's a him. How can you tell?

- Now.

- Falcon, do something.

- Hey, be gentle
with that, okay?

- I can be gentle.

- God dang sodomites.

(light music)

(light music continues)

- [Huck] Do de do to do.

Do do to do. (humming)

(dark music)

Hmm.

(light music)

(light music continues)

- [Cherry] Now this
right here is unholy.

- I'm too sober for this shit.

- You think Miss Boss
Man will miss us?

- Oh, Miss Boss Man's too lost

inside those sugar
walls to worry about us.

(electronic music)

(lyrics muffled)

- Mm mm.

(Huck sniffing)

(door opening)

- Wonder what type of J
these freaks are smoking?

To stay in character
like this all day?

- [Jesus] 10 to 1 it
ain't as fine as mine.

(Cherry laughing)

Para ti.

Come on baby, let me flare it.

- Yo, where'd everybody go?

Where's the party at?

(faint music)

Soldier Blue?

Where the fuck's
the Soldier Blue?

Pearl? I'll give you
a pearl necklace.

(faint music)

Oh, here's where the party's at.

Hello? Ladies?

You girls wanna
play hide and seek?

KJ love hide and seek.

- Soldier Blue?

Wanna slip into something more.

- Comfortable?

(soft music)

(soft music continues)

(soft music continues)

- Oh.

Oh.

(twins laughing)

(rock music)

(lyrics muffled)

(twins grunting)

- Why are we doing this again?

- Look, I told you
it's representational.

The epic struggle between
the north and the south.

Brother against brother,
sister against sister.

Good against evil.

Just take her top off.

- I'm too fucking stoned
to undo all this shit,

and take this off.

- Shut up.

I need to get outta
this place. (laughing)

- Me too baby, me too.

- [Cherry] Let's go.

- Will you blow
your nose, already?

You got some fucking
moss in there, baby.

- No, I don't.

- Green nose goblins.

It's like I'm back in the
sweat shop in Tegucigalpa.

(Cherry laughing)

She totally lesbian, she
won't fucking admit it.

My name is Val
and I am a lesbot.

(Cherry laughing)

Will you please reprogram
me with your Mexican wiener?

Take off my bandana baby.

- Huh?

- Are you ready to put on our
fucking Confederate clothing,

and join these assholes?

(Huck sniffing)

You hear something?

- I did. What was that?

(soft rock music)

(soft rock continues)

- Now we get down to
business, Soldier Blue.

$5, I make you holler.

Whatever you like I do for you.

- How about 20 for plenty?

- Okay.

(all laughing)

(Granny knocking)

- So glad you could join us

for your complimentary
old time photograph.

- You're gonna take
pictures of this shit?

- We like to capture the
true essence of our jamboree.

- Hey, I'm down. Just
keep it off the net.

- Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah.

Don't you move boy.

We need you sitting still
lest it come out blurry. Ooh.

(Cherry moaning)

- Fuck me like you're gonna
get your green card baby.

- Immense you paint me
baby, immense you paint me

- Faster, you
Mexican jumping bean.

(Cherry exhaling)

- Dang Oprah, you grunt louder
than a church yard chicken.

- [Granny] They all nice
and tight, Miss Scarlet?

- [Scarlet] Nice and
tight and hard and firm.

- Exactly how I like it.

- Oh, I'll bet you do, son,
I'll bet you do. (chuckling)

Well Granny, looks
like our honored guest

is ready for his closeup.

- On second thought dude,

I don't wanna have my
picture taken anymore.

- Oh, want has nothing
to do with it, Mr. KJ.

- That's right, boy.

I am sure that these
fine southern gentlemen

did not want to have their
portraits taken neither.

I'm sure that they did not
want to be in this war.

And I am especially sure

that they did not
want their families

and their houses
burnt to the ground

by you northern heathens.

- Whoa, northern heathen?

Dude, I'm from Burbank.

- That's where the devil lives.

Bye-Bye.

Say cheese.

(KJ grimacing)

(KJ yelling)

- [Mayor] What fuck,
the juice is loose.

Whoa.
(KJ yelling)

Smoking.

Whoa.

A puker.

(belles laughing)

(KJ yelling)

(mayor laughing)

Dang it, Granny.

He didn't smile.

- Oh well.
(mayor laughing)

(Jesus jiving)

- Yankee doodle went to town
to bone himself A hottie.

- Amen, brother.

- Stuck his feather
in her cooch,

like fresh baked manicotti.

- Hell yeah. Fresh baked.

- What's your name?
- It's Hucklebilly, dumbass.

- What's your name?
- It's Hucklebilly, dumbass.

What's my name?
- Hucklebilly, dumbass.

- Typical.

I'm out there sweating my off,

and the two of you sitting here,

getting this mentally
ill child stoned.

Shut the fuck up, retard.

- It's Hucklebilly, Mister.

- I promise I'll
just film it, no way.

So anyone know whether
jackass ever found Bristol?

- Hate to break
it to you Moises,

but knowing that horn dog,

KJ's is probably
off plowing Bristol

in some cornfield by now.

- Excuse me, that's Rome's
boyfriend you're talking about.

- Yeah man, don't be a hater.

- Suck my salty
Salvadorian sack biatch.

But then again, you'd probably
like that, wouldn't you,

you limp-wristed
reality show wannabe.

- Enough.

Look Jesus, unless you wanna
crash the unemployment line

like the rest of your familia,

I suggest you get
this tin can moving.

As soon as we get what we
want from these rednecks,

we'll get the hell out of
this fucking two-bit shithole.

Come on.

- All right, I hear you boss.

I think I can scam
one of them tires

off that old school bus

those freaks got
in the fairground.

- Whatever it takes.

- I wouldn't advise
that my friends.

Some folks around here
just might be inclined

to define that as stealin'.

- Stealing is a sin.

- I wasn't gonna steal nothing,
abuelita, I said borrow.

(tense music)

(tense music continues)

- Well, I guess
borrowing's okay.

That ain't stealing. (laughing)

Maybe we can help
you out with a tire.

But first.

(Crow drumming)

(bluegrass music)

I tell you Granny,

that display of majesty
makes this colonel

weak in the knees and
full in the groin.

(mayor groaning)

- Bucky, I ain't
begging no more.

It's time you discharge your
musket, Confederate style.

- Madam, lead me
to my execution.

- You better be
getting all this.

This is money in the bank.

- Solid gold.

- Oh, Buck, man.

Buck, man.

(bluegrass music)

- Buck, man,

Buck, man,

Buck, man.

- Candy apples.

Candy apples.

- Buck Buck Buck.

- Candy apple?

(mayor and Granny hollering)

- How do you like
these candy apples?

- Them ain't real,
them's plastic.

Probably got worms in 'em, too.

- My mighty sword!

My mighty sword!
(Granny screaming)

- Crow, crow, crow,

crow, crow.

(Crow muffled)

- [Mayor] Crow?

- Buck?

- Too much dark meat,
bitch. (yelling)

(bluegrass music)

- Now, for our
next demonstration,

we're gonna need
another volunteer.

Ugh, you boy, with the
smiling eyes, you'll do fine.

(bluegrass music)

- Yes.
- Mighty fine.

Come on up now, boy.

I ain't got eternity. Come on.

Don't mind the darkness, none.

You ain't never heard
Helen Keller complain.

Turn around now boy.

Step on right on up here.

Come on now, show
everybody your pretty face.

Now you see him,

now you don't.

- So, should I keep
the blindfold on or?

(somber music)

Hello?

Hello?

This is so weird.

Okay.

Hello? Hello?

Is anybody here?

(somber music continues)

(Falcon whistling)

(somber music continues)

(Falcon laughing)

- Well, how do
you hold that boy?

- Hey dude, that fucking hurts.

- What kind of man are you?

Can't handle a
little arm wrestle.

- Shit, Rufus.

I knew you were different.

- I knew you were different.

- You see right
through me, don't you?

- Right through your heart.

- My heart?

Yeah, you know,

all my life I've kept
my heart in the closet.

Lately though, my
ass keeps poking out.

(Falcon panting)

- Whoa, horses. I
ain't queer like that.

But that don't mean
you gotta stop.

- I don't know.

Maybe you're right.

This thing gets a hold of
me, wrong time, wrong place.

I'm dead.

- Ain't that the truth?

(soft music)

(Falcon grimacing)

(both grunting)

I'll give you broke back.

(Rufus noshing)

(uptempo drumming)

(upbeat music)

* Revenge is sweet when
you're munching on the meat *

* Of a Yankee whose
doodle is so dandy *

* We don't like to boast,
but we make a tasty roast *

* The grillin' we're
really pretty handy *

* Because we're
cannibals, cannibals *

* Yes, it's true

* And there's just no way
the Union will survive *

* We're cannibals, cannibals

* Yes, it's true

* And you know we're gonna
eat you dead or alive *

Hit it.

(upbeat dance music)

(dance music continues)

(blood splashing)

(bluegrass music)

- I clean up pretty
good, don't I?

Without further ado,

I would like to
introduce one mean-ass

motherfucking butt-kicking
son of a bitch.

Here's Bucky! (screaming)

(bluegrass music)

(Buck laughing)

Bucky!

- Good evening one and all.

Hope you are enjoying
the show so far.

Can I get a yee haw?

- Yee haw!

- I want to tell you tonight,

we've got a show for you you
ain't never gonna forget,

or my name ain't
George W Buckman.

I know you have
been worried about

where your compatriots went.

Well, we were too,

until we found 'em in the
medical tent, playing doctor.

Ain't that right boys?

But seriously, folks,

they're all backstage along
with your young Mr. Falcon,

undergoing an extreme makeover
for tonight's grand finale.

But first, it gives
me great pleasure

to introduce Pleasant Valley's
very own Rhett Butler,

Mr. Harper Alexander.

(bluegrass music)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

please enjoy with
me as we recreate

only one of our more
favorite moments

in the anals of history,

but also one of the great
spectator sports as well.

Any volunteers?

You sir. Wanna win $50,000?

- Did you say $50,000?

- Sure did.

50,000 Confederate.

- Well in that case.

- Here, take this.

- How you doing
tonight, Abraham?

- It's Jerry.

- You sure look like
an Abraham to me?

Why don't you just
take your seat?

(bluegrass music)

Now now, folks, the role
of Miss Mary Lincoln

will be played by
Miss Mary Milk Maiden.

And good old Honest Abe,

Why that'll be you, DW Griffith.

Derringer please.

- You know you're
nine inches away

from starring in my next movie.

- Feels more like three to me.

- Now, the game is,

if I miss, you lose.

I'm not too sure about this.

- Ready?

- Well hold on.

Time out. Time out.

- Aim.

- Hold on.

Hold on. Time out, time out.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

Time out. Cut.

Time out.

(gun firing)

- Yeah.

(belles laughing)

Yeah.

- [Scarlet] Yay.

- [Jerry] Thank you. Thank you.

(Harper muffled)

(rock music)

(Jerry exploding)

- Aside from that, Mrs.
Lincoln, did you enjoy the show?

- Fuck this shit.

* Gimme somebody to fuck

(solemn music)

Now, now, now, you're all a
little groggy. (chuckling)

Ah, the fresh air ought
to take care of that.

From here on in we're going
to play a little game,

a little game we call the
revisitation of the trope.

(captives moaning)

April 22nd, 1864.

We were living our lives,
minding our own business,

when Yankee men
came, when you came.

Killed us all, destroyed
our way of life.

Well, we weren't
ready back then.

This time we are.

- The war's over,
hefe, you fucking lost.

Move the fuck on.

- (laughing) Well,
that's precisely

what we aim to do, muchacho.

Precisely.

- You telling me you
with these crackers?

- I was with these
crackers when your kind

came condemning us
all to the same fate.

- My kind? What the fuck's
wrong with you brother?

- I'm not your brother.

I'm southern bred.

And you, Miss Gutter Mouth,

you be Northern scum.

- Now, now, now, Crow.

Remember, we try not
to use the N word.

(southerners laughing)

- That's why you the man.

- Now, let's see here.

From here to the road is
about a couple of miles.

Same distance we had to
flee Pleasant Valley.

Now there's no sport in
shooting fish in a barrel.

So we hid some guns
and ammo along the way.

Now if y'all can go
out there and find 'em

and put up a good fight,
why, you're free to go.

- Oh, that is bloody bollocks.

If you don't let us go now,

I'll have my lawyers
lock you up faster

than you can say Phil Spectrum.

I mean it,
motherfucker. (spitting)

- [Harper] The old spectrum.

- [Val] I'm not kidding.

- Neither are we, Miss.

And in case you have
any doubt, Miss Maiden?

(southerner hooting)

(Scarlet laughing)

- [Val] God.

- KJ?

(dark music)

(all murmuring)

- Oh fuck me, you bastards.

- Presentation.

Let the games begin.

(southerners mocking drums)

(southerners mocking drums)

(southerners mocking drums)

(southerners mocking drums)

(no audio)

(mournful music)

(lyrics muffled)

- Did you see what they
did to KJ, Biscuit?

They killed him.

- They fucking
killed Falcon, too.

And we were gonna present at
the Team Dream Awards together.

- You were?

* Well they put us
in our (indistinct) *

- Crying over spilled blood's
not gonna get us outta here.

We gotta find those guns
and cap those motherfuckers.

- Okay, you're right.

You and Cherry head for the RV.

Fix that damn tire.

I'll grab the girls
and find those weapons.

- What are you gonna
do if you find them?

- I know my way around weapons.

My mother used to
be a prison guard.

- That explains a lot.

(mournful music)

(owl hooting)

- Leave that hebe
good and dry, son.

We could all use a little
after dinner tonic.

- When do we get
eat supper, daddy?

- Ain't you done
chewing on that surfer?

- What about me, daddy?

All I had today was
a lick of gristle

from Jesse's hind quarters.

- Aw enough, stifle.

Go on, git.

(Rose laughing)

What are you laughing
at, China Rose?

Why don't you do some
of that Chinese laundry

we imported you here for?

And this time get
out the blood stains.

I don't want no ring
around the collar.

- Your wish is my
command, Mayor Luckman,

but remember, no
tiki, no shitty.

- Go on, git.

Why, I say there, Granny,

look like you're favoring that
dark meat a little too much.

- Maybe if you were a little
more black in your stallion

I wouldn't need to visit the
stable on long lonely nights.

(Mayor groaning)

- How many northerners
to seek vengeance on

until we can finally rest?

- Well, let's see.

Last jamboree, I
think we took care,

took care of eight of 'em.

- And there's nine
here with us now.

Still only makes
us halfway to 2001.

- Frog dang it.

Does that mean we
have to go through

this shit again next year?

- Ah, don't complain.

- Oh hell (indistinct).

My bunions are killing me. Ugh.

If I was one of those psychos,

where would I hide
those weapons?

- Kind of like an
Easter egg hunt, huh?

- Huh?

Jesus.

- [Jesus] How old is
this piece of shit?

It's fucking rusted together.

- Oh, one day we're
gonna smoke a bowl

and laugh about all this.

- Are you fucking crazy, Negra?

Those rednecks think this is
the Civil War or something.

I always knew the south
was loco, but damn.

Shit.
- Are you okay?

- You know what?
Fuck finding a tire.

I say we ditch those
bitches and save ourselves.

- Let's go.

- The kosher way
to do this is what?

- You gotta cut the throat
and let the blood drain.

- But this Jew boy ain't
got no throat no more.

- Well then, cut his
balls off, I guess.

- Yeah, I guess.

(dramatic music)

Speaking of balls,

I've been meaning to
mention something to you.

I just don't get you.
- What don't you get?

- You know, your taste.

- Explain me this, brother.

You'd rather spend your time

on some soft girly
girl like Jezebel,

gossiping, shopping,
and setting up house.

I, on the other hand, like
to hang with real men,

practicing the arts of hunting,
soldiering, and wrestling.

My taste?

You tell me brother,

who's really on the
side of the Lord Here.

- You gotta be fucking
with me. This easy?

I guess not, no ammo.

- You're kidding.

- Fuck this Cracker
Barrel, let's roll.

- Since our lives are
seriously at stake,

there's something
I have to ask you.

- Go ahead, babe.

- If they find us dead here,

our bodies naked on display
for the whole world to see.

- You mean like in your video?

- I'm being serious, Tina.

- [Tina] Fine. Spill it.

- Oh god.

- All right, I'll just
come out and say it.

Do my thighs look bad?

- Oh my God. Rome, a gun.

- [Rome] Think it's real?

- [Val] Oh, titties!

(gun firing)

- It's real.

- Fuck, we're going
around in circles.

- I don't get it, Jay.

- That's it, let's split up.

- I don't wanna split up. Mm-mm.

- Look.
- No.

- If even one of us gets
away, we're both saved, right?

You know I'll come
back with help.

- I guess you're right.

- Of course I'm right, baby.

Now you go that way,
I'm gonna go this way.

One of us is gonna
find the road.

- Okay, but be safe.

- [Jesus] You know I will.

- [Cherry] What about a gun?

Don't I need one too?

- Well, at least we found a gun.

- Oh, I'm supposed to
thank you for that?

- It was an accident, Val.

God, do you always
have to rag on us?

We have feelings too, you know?

- Yeah, it's not like
we didn't feel bad

when that avalanche
hit New Orleans.

- [Tina] Yeah.

- Okey dokey, now.

One.

- Oh, I know you
girls (indistinct).

- [Rome] Two.

- But why can't
you send me there?

- [Tina And Rome] Three.

(gun firing)

- [Tina] Oops.

(Val screaming)

- Oh my God you

stupid little

fake titty, no talent,

trust fund, sluts.

Just fuck off.

- But you stepped on Biscuit.

- Can I make myself any clearer?

Just go.

- Just wait till the
networks about this.

- Yeah, we would have
never fucked you anyway.

- Yeah!

(Val crying)

(tense music)

(people hooting)

(Cherry breathing hard)

(Cherry breathing hard)

(mysterious music)

(upbeat country music)

- What the fuck?

- Looking for the
underground railroad? Hmm.

- Hey Granny,

do you think the
mayor would mind

if we kept that beaner
boy to ourselves?

- I don't know, sweetie.

I'd rather kill him than
him than fuck him any day.

Sh sh sh.

Did you hear something?

- No.

* Rock a bye baby

* In the treetop

* When the wind blows

* The cradle all will rock

* When the bough breaks

* The cradle will fall

* And down will come baby

* Cradle and all

- I always knew
those little cunts

would be the end of me.

Oh my God.

- [Tina] Biscuit's
really dead meat, huh?

- Yes sweetie, she really is.

- And we are dead
meat too, aren't we?

- No Romey. We're gonna be okay.

Trust me.

- That's what you said the time

we got crabs tag-teaming KJ.

- Oh, woops a daisy.

Ah.

- [Maiden] I
thought the men said

killing Mexicans didn't
count towards the total.

- Well they don't deary.

They ain't north,
they ain't south.

They just ain't.

But there's nothing wrong

with little sport killing,

so long as it puts
food on the table.

Must have been a squirrel.

Come on along now.

(Jesus sighing)

- Peekaboo.

(Jesus screaming)

(Jesus grunting)

- Can't you northern
folks do nothing right?

- Tonight at dinner, yet again,

I caught Granny picking
a little too tenderly

on the dark part of her brisket.

Got anything to say
about that, boy?

- I ain't nobody's boy.

Not even yours.

- Maybe so, Crow.

Would it be too hard just
to stick to your chores?

- I do stick to my chores,
much I find 'em distasteful.

And which one of you

are too tired from plowing the
fields or splitting the wood

can deny that?

And tell me,

is there one amongst
you, one amongst you,

willing to hit it when
there's blood on the conch?

Well I know how to plow,

and I know how to split.

You sure have some
very satisfied bitches

in your Pleasant Valley.

Thank you very much.

- Man's got a point.

Yeah!

(Mayor laughing)

- Shoot daddy, I think I
made the rope too long.

- You stupid ass
white motherfuckers.

You just wait till Al Sharpton
gets wind of this shit.

I'll own everything
in this albino circus,

including that fake-ass dumbass
stuffed motherfucking sheep.

- Yeah? When pigs fly.

- And the fat lady sings.

- And there's a black
man in the White House.

(southerner laughing)

- Where the fuck you
motherfuckers been at?

- Down south.
(gun firing)

(ragtime piano music)

Fools 'em every time. (laughing)

- Yeah!

(southerners laughing)

(soft music)

(Val crying)

- Relax,

everything's gonna be just fine.

There's nobody
here but us ladies.

- Please help me.

Please help me, please.

You gotta help me, please.

- Folks like my kind,

they can't fathom
the modern woman.

They wanna keep us all caged up.

Cage our bodies,

our passions.

(both moaning)

(Val moaning)

That's right mama.

I hear there's a
cherry in the center.

(pitchfork striking)

(Val crying)

(Scarlet laughing)

(Val gasping)

Cider red always makes
my pink wet. (laughing)

(twins breathing hard)

- Oh my God, Tina.

We're back to where we started.

(Crow drumming)

- Please, just go away.

(fiddler drumming)

(Crow growling)

(fiddler yelling)

(ominous orchestral music)

(bugle blowing)
(twins screaming)

(rock music)

- Spread the red.

(rock music)

(lyrics muffled)

- Get the bus. That's
our ticket outta here.

You try to start it.
I'll stand guard.

(twins screaming)

- It's Jesus, bitch.

(Jesus screaming)

- [Tina] Why isn't it working?

- [Jesus] Fucking fan belt.

Can't see shit under here.

Try the key.

- [Tina] Like this?

- Anything?

- [Jesus] Nope. Nada.

- Am I doing this right?

Can't you hot-wire this thing?

- Yo bitch, I went to
film school, not prison.

(ominous music)

- [Rome] Uh oh.

- [Tina] Oh shit.

(ominous music)

Think they're mad at us?

(dark music)

- We offered them entertainment,

sport, a chance to redeem
some sense of honor

for the atrocities committed
by their ancestors,

and they play along
by running away.

- Oh, you wanna play?

Fuck, I'll play.

- Gentleman to gentleman?

- Yeah, if that's what
you call yourself.

- Oh,

bring it on.

Charge!

(bugle blowing)

- [Rome] Quick,
Tina. Go start it.

Go.

- [Tina] I can't get it started.

(southerners murmuring)

Tina, come on.

(twins yelling)

- Oh start.

Come on. (crying)

- Do your best, Colonel Cracker.

- Yeah. (chuckling)

Come on.

(Jesus grunting)

(Rome screaming)

(muffled shouting)

(Rome screaming)

- [Mayor] You're
going down, Yankee.

- It's this skull.

(Huck screaming)

I was gonna let you go,

seeing as how you're kind
don't count toward the total.

Brown or wet,
you're a Yank to me.

(Jesus grunting)

(Mayor screaming)

- Go!

- We should go. Go, start.

- Brown or white, bitch,
you're a one-eyed freak show.

(Mayor screaming)

Ooh, now we're playing.

(Mayor screaming)

- You

Yankee scum. (screaming)

- Go, Tina, go.

- Wait, Romey, it's Jesus.

He'll save us.

Can you fix it?

- [Jesus] Go ahead, try it now.

- Come on, come
on. Start, start.

Why won't you start?

- [Jesus] It's turning.

- [Tina] Come on,
Jesus, get on the bus.

- Shift it to drive, puta.

What the fuck are
you waiting for?

- Hey, two eyes, suck my Dixie.

(Jesus screaming)

(Tina screaming)

Woo wee.

- And I fall.

Which way to.

Man shall rest his (indistinct).

- Don't turn it off,
you stupid bitch.

- But it just killed Jesus.

- Let's finish this.

(Rome screaming)

(Harper growling)

(Tina screaming)

- Fuck.

(Rome screaming)

(Rome screaming)

(Harper growling)

Fuck you.

(southerners growling)

(ominous music)

(Rome screaming)

(bus running)

I'm going

- Get us out.

- Rome, I'm going, I'm going.

- Get us out of here.

(southerners yelling)

Go.

- [Tina] It's over, Romey.

It's over.

(fading shouts)

(bus running)

(brakes squeaking)

(door opening)

- I can't believe I ever decided

to do this crap show with you.

Could have been in Cabo.

- Really?

(twins yelling over each other)

- Your voice is so fucking loud.

I've hated you for so long.

- You bitch, you know what?

I killed your fucking
beloved Biscuit.

- Really? Really?

Well I'm the one who
snorted your eight-ball.

- You're a fucking bitch.

- Cunt.

(horn honking)

(tires squealing)

- Damn Yankees.

(light music)

(southerners applauding)

- Now what, Bucky?

- Hmm.

- Ah.

- Oh.

- Rufus, is this
contraption working?

- [Rufus] That's 12-4, Daddy.

- Howdy, folks.

George W Buckman here
invitin' you to come on down

to the Pleasant Valley
Traveling Jamboree.

Why, we got it all folks.

Got singin',

got dancin',

we got games.

- [Speaker] I'm not
too sure about this.

- Most of all,

we got some real nice
mouth watering barbecue.

- Frog dang it.

Does that mean we have to go

through this shit
again next year?

- [Mayor] Don't forget
to bring the kids,

especially the chubby ones.

Portly always gets in
for free. (chuckling)

Just look for the detour
sign off the main road.

We'll be waiting,
so come on down

and get a taste
of the old South,

and let the old south get
a taste of you. (laughing)

(rock music)

(rock music continues)

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

- [Mayor] Come on
Granny, keep pushing.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- [Mayor] Keep pushing.

- I am pushing you morons.

- Breathe.

- I think I see
something coming.

(Mayor sighing)

Come on, Granny. Keep pushing.

I see it's head coming.

(Granny squealing)

- [Harper] It's a.

- What is it?

(baby crying)

- A Negro?

(baby crying)

(classical orchestral music)

(classical orchestral music)

(bluegrass music)

* Lord, let me help you decide

* Who on Earth should
live and who should die *

* I know that it's a lot of
work to run the universe *

* So let me help you
choose the ones *

* To cherish and to curse

* Lord, let me help you decide

* Who on Earth should
live and who should die *

* The banker at the country
club who stole all of my cash *

* If you snipped
his brake line *

* It could cause a fatal crash

* Lord, let me help you decide

* Who on Earth should
live and who should die *

* The woman with the plastic
boots is such a social pest *

* I could pull your
boots right on *

* And stomp right on her chest

* Let me help you,
I can help you *

* Won't you let
me, I'm so pissed *

* Let me help you,
I can help you *

* Won't you let me,
I've got lists *

* Bringing them kids across the
hall disturb me every night *

* Well I could give them candy
canes made out of dynamite *

* Lord, let me help you decide

* Who on Earth should
live and who should die *

* Lord let me help you decide

* Who on Earth should
live and who should die *

* I know that it's a lot of
work to run the universe *

* So let me help you choose the
ones to cherish and to curse *

* Lord, let me help you decide

* Let me help you, let you

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* It's gonna rise

* Rise again

* I said rise

* In the field of screams

(heavy metal music)

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* In the field of screams

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* In the field of screams

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* In the field of screams

* The south will rise

* The south will rise

* The south is
gonna rise again *

* In the field of screams

(person screaming)

- [Mayor] Hey, two
eyes, suck my Dixie.

(no audio)