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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,401 --> 00:00:03,732 Alpa Chino! 2 00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:05,531 We're loaded 3 00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:06,969 I love the pussy, hell, yeah 4 00:00:07,072 --> 00:00:08,471 I love the pussy, hell, yeah 5 00:00:08,574 --> 00:00:11,236 I love that pussy dripping down to the floor, oh, no 6 00:00:11,343 --> 00:00:13,834 The wettest pussy, hell, yeah I love the pussy, hell, yeah 7 00:00:13,946 --> 00:00:17,040 I'm drinking up your Booty Sweat and busting a nut 8 00:00:17,149 --> 00:00:18,912 Alpa Chino got that pussy control 9 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,918 Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat. 10 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:22,453 Pop an ass open! 11 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:26,047 Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars available at concessions now. 12 00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:34,292 In 2013, when the Earth's rotation came to a halt... 13 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,961 The President has declared all of North America a disaster area. 14 00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:40,766 I call on my fellow Americans to come together... 15 00:00:40,873 --> 00:00:44,900 ... the world called on the one man who could make a difference. 16 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:52,975 When it happened again, the world called on him once more. 17 00:00:54,386 --> 00:01:00,256 And no one saw it coming three more times! 18 00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,456 Now, 19 00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:08,499 the one man who made a difference five times before, 20 00:01:10,936 --> 00:01:15,305 is about to make a difference again. 21 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:20,137 Only this time, it's different. 22 00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:23,608 Who left the fridge open? 23 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,984 Tugg Speedman. 24 00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:31,853 Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown. 25 00:01:31,957 --> 00:01:33,720 Here we go again. 26 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,250 Again. 27 00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:47,737 Will there be anything else? 28 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,037 Yes, my dear man. More beans. 29 00:01:52,845 --> 00:01:55,006 Granny! 30 00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:58,109 Please! 31 00:01:58,217 --> 00:02:03,177 This summer, America's favorite obese family is back. 32 00:02:06,058 --> 00:02:07,616 Gross! 33 00:02:07,726 --> 00:02:09,751 - You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny. - Am not! 34 00:02:10,329 --> 00:02:11,819 Jeff Portnoy. 35 00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:13,965 Jeff Portnoy. 36 00:02:14,566 --> 00:02:16,056 Jeff Portnoy. 37 00:02:16,168 --> 00:02:22,266 And Jeff Portnoy are The Fatties: Fart Two. 38 00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,205 In some countries, 39 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,038 it's considered a compliment. 40 00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:30,343 Letting loose this summer. 41 00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:45,359 In a time where to be different was to be condemned, 42 00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:03,810 and to be condemned was to die, 43 00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:12,114 one man chose to question his God. 44 00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,790 From Fox Searchlight, 45 00:03:26,638 --> 00:03:29,869 five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus 46 00:03:30,976 --> 00:03:35,310 and MTV Movie Award Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire. 47 00:03:41,687 --> 00:03:46,215 Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's coveted Crying Monkey Award, 48 00:03:47,426 --> 00:03:49,417 Satan's Alley. 49 00:03:53,932 --> 00:03:56,457 I've been a bad, bad boy, Father. 50 00:04:31,970 --> 00:04:34,768 In the winter of 1969, 51 00:04:34,873 --> 00:04:36,898 an elite force of the U.S. Army 52 00:04:37,009 --> 00:04:41,878 was sent on a top-secret assignment in southeast Vietnam. 53 00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:44,744 The objective, rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback 54 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,910 from a heavily guarded NVA Prison Camp. 55 00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:51,114 The mission was considered to be near suicide. 56 00:04:52,424 --> 00:04:55,723 Of the 10 men sent, four returned. 57 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:59,264 Of those four, three wrote books about what happened. 58 00:04:59,364 --> 00:05:02,333 Of those three, two were published. 59 00:05:02,434 --> 00:05:06,598 Of those two, just one got a movie deal. 60 00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:13,340 This is the story of the men who attempted to make that movie. 61 00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:26,750 Whiskey Fire Old Snake requests an LZ prep 62 00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:29,419 at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner, over. 63 00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:38,999 Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge. 64 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,902 Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne. Welcome aboard. 65 00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:47,473 All right, lead's going in. Give her some cover. 66 00:05:47,579 --> 00:05:50,412 Delivery on five. I repeat, delivery on five. 67 00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:58,786 This is Zero-Three. I'm on your six, don't worry. 68 00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:01,752 Chalk-Three's taking fire. Guns right, guns right. 69 00:06:13,805 --> 00:06:15,932 Lay that shit down! 70 00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:17,338 Come on! 71 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:21,476 Come on, you damn dirty heathens! 72 00:06:23,415 --> 00:06:25,610 Fats! Run your motherfucking ass over there, 73 00:06:25,717 --> 00:06:27,014 hold these men off, now! 74 00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:28,814 We're fixing to lift off! 75 00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:31,549 Put some pep in your step, dick! Jelly-ass bitch! 76 00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:34,956 Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye, this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee! 77 00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:39,195 I need fast movers on my Yankee Smoke, copy? 78 00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,664 Boomer, this is Wall-Eye. I got two-Alpha-four 79 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,997 - snake and nape on the ready! - Oh, Jesus! Holy shit! 80 00:06:44,102 --> 00:06:45,262 Holy shit! 81 00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:47,167 Get on that horn and get some firepower, boy! 82 00:06:47,272 --> 00:06:48,239 Jesus Christ! 83 00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:49,432 Listen, you cherry fuck, 84 00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:53,033 you call in that snake and nape and get us some boom-boom now! 85 00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:55,613 I'd do it myself but I'm kind of goddamn busy! 86 00:06:55,714 --> 00:06:57,079 I need an answer, Boomer! 87 00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:58,877 Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye! 88 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:00,683 I copy! 89 00:07:00,919 --> 00:07:03,217 We got beaucoup zips in the zee. 90 00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:04,812 Rock and roll! 91 00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:06,680 What the fuck? 92 00:07:18,637 --> 00:07:21,071 That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker! 93 00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:23,107 I think I can put it back in! 94 00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:24,971 We got to get back to the bird. 95 00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:26,169 Lukemeyer's got popped! 96 00:07:26,278 --> 00:07:29,213 This is the last Christmas I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass! 97 00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:32,077 Want some? Get some! 98 00:07:32,517 --> 00:07:35,350 Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf! 99 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:35,954 Don't count him out! That bastard's got luck tattooed to his ass! 100 00:07:35,954 --> 00:07:38,650 Don't count him out! That bastard's got luck tattooed to his ass! 101 00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:41,782 Motown, get your Detroit jukebox Jheri curl ass 102 00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:44,123 in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP! 103 00:07:44,229 --> 00:07:46,060 Four Leaf is still outside the perimeter, Sarge! 104 00:07:46,164 --> 00:07:49,190 Miss me with that cracker chump jive! We di di mau! We di di mau! 105 00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:50,961 Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving. Four Leaf is there. 106 00:07:51,069 --> 00:07:52,764 Dead meat, soldier! 107 00:07:52,971 --> 00:07:54,871 Or do you want to be a hero? 108 00:07:54,973 --> 00:07:56,873 That's just how Brooks got his Jew ass killed, man. 109 00:07:56,975 --> 00:07:59,671 And Meatball's dago ass bought the six-by-three farm. 110 00:07:59,778 --> 00:08:03,475 Now get your ass up in the Huey, before I stomp a trench in your hiney hole! 111 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:06,482 Come on, get down, get down! 112 00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:08,610 What am I looking at? What is this? 113 00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:13,480 Come on, let's get, let's go! Come on, elevator up, up! 114 00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:16,117 Sarge. It's Four Leaf. 115 00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:29,465 No! 116 00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:33,334 You get out of that hole! 117 00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,255 You make it home, now. 118 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,962 Survive! 119 00:09:10,749 --> 00:09:12,774 I hope y'all like hamburger meat. 120 00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,943 'Cause that's exactly what I'm gonna be bringing back 121 00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:17,078 and serving up in this whirly bird. 122 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,680 Cover me, you limp dick fuckups! 123 00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:28,561 Peek-a-boo! I see you! 124 00:09:30,602 --> 00:09:32,331 Hold on, Four Leaf! 125 00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,304 Oh, shit! 126 00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,606 Watch my right! 127 00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,355 Fuck you, Charlie! 128 00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:57,591 Come on, Leaf, let's boogie! 129 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,431 No! 130 00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:07,630 No! 131 00:10:10,809 --> 00:10:12,902 - Fats! - Holy fuck! 132 00:10:14,179 --> 00:10:16,739 Take us over to those men! Shit! 133 00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:24,188 Look at you, man. Playing with grenades. 134 00:10:27,692 --> 00:10:28,954 I'm cold, Linc. 135 00:10:30,996 --> 00:10:32,827 I can't feel my legs. 136 00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:35,956 Ain't nothing but a thang. 137 00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:40,869 Hey, Linc. 138 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,205 What, man? 139 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,536 Why does man 140 00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,580 got to pick up sticks against another man? 141 00:10:51,783 --> 00:10:54,081 Instead of using them sticks to 142 00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,046 prop a man up? 143 00:10:57,155 --> 00:10:58,782 I'll never know. 144 00:11:00,091 --> 00:11:02,321 Hold my hands, 145 00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:04,258 'cause I got something to... 146 00:11:04,362 --> 00:11:06,227 I got something to say. 147 00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,293 Oh, boy. 148 00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:16,134 - You holding 'em? - I got 'em tight. 149 00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:20,538 When we get back to the world, 150 00:11:21,012 --> 00:11:25,176 we gonna put together that three-piece combo band we talked about? 151 00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:28,275 - Me on stand-up bass. - Johnny on drums. 152 00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:31,881 And me tickling the ivories. 153 00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:37,257 I ain't never been worth a nothing in this life, 154 00:11:37,362 --> 00:11:40,126 but I want you to know something. 155 00:11:41,199 --> 00:11:42,496 What, man? 156 00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:45,699 You are my... 157 00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:48,900 You are my brother. 158 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:06,915 You are my brother. You are my... You are my... 159 00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:08,719 I am your brother. 160 00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:13,959 I'm sorry. Could we cut? 161 00:12:14,065 --> 00:12:15,555 - What's he saying? - Damien, can we cut? 162 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,328 - No. No, no, no, no, no... - All right, you know what? 163 00:12:17,435 --> 00:12:20,427 We got the jets coming in, big explosion, two minutes. 164 00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:21,631 Still rolling. 165 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,367 You know what? No, not still rolling. Can we cut? 166 00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:25,136 - We're cutting. - No, we're not. Get out! 167 00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:27,211 Hey, what's going on? For real, my butt is hurting! 168 00:12:27,312 --> 00:12:29,439 This harness is riding up my crack! 169 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,016 - Damien, are we cutting? - No! No! Still rolling! 170 00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:34,244 Mr. Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir? 171 00:12:34,352 --> 00:12:37,515 No! No. I'm not cutting! We're still rolling! 172 00:12:37,622 --> 00:12:38,680 Damien, what's the dealy, dude? 173 00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,587 Are we gonna blow this tree line or what? 174 00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:42,250 Tuk Tuk and Kim got the blue balls here. 175 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:43,588 I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go! 176 00:12:43,695 --> 00:12:45,925 - Play it through. Still rolling! - Dieter, can he hear me? 177 00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:48,591 That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator. 178 00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:51,066 I need some dudes up here who speak American, God damn it! 179 00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:52,636 He's making a fucking sweater back here. 180 00:12:52,737 --> 00:12:55,069 I'm trying to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts. 181 00:12:55,173 --> 00:12:56,333 Everyone, please shut up. 182 00:12:56,441 --> 00:12:58,602 The jets are coming in. We only have one chance at this! 183 00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:00,109 And go! 184 00:13:00,211 --> 00:13:02,509 Let's do it. You feel it? You feel me? 185 00:13:03,515 --> 00:13:05,881 - You are my... - I am your brother. 186 00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:08,216 We've seen it all, man. 187 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:09,943 I'm sorry, Damien? 188 00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:11,352 Are you seeing that? 189 00:13:11,456 --> 00:13:13,481 The little froggy on the boom mike? It's right in my eyeline. 190 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,455 Donny! What's up, man? 191 00:13:18,129 --> 00:13:19,096 It's been there the whole show. 192 00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,254 Yeah, well it's right in my face, 193 00:13:20,365 --> 00:13:21,354 I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel... 194 00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:24,026 It's always the yellow frog that brings them black frog on Fridays, man. 195 00:13:24,135 --> 00:13:25,830 Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl. 196 00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:28,030 No, I didn't pee on her, listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no. 197 00:13:28,139 --> 00:13:30,664 The story is this. She was in the way when I was peeing, she walked past. 198 00:13:30,775 --> 00:13:33,141 What the fuck is going on here? 199 00:13:33,244 --> 00:13:35,405 On three, baby. One, two, breathe. 200 00:13:35,513 --> 00:13:38,038 Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do a countdown before I do the scene. 201 00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:39,207 - No countdown? - No countdown. 202 00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:40,511 - Okay. - Can we just do it off of "Action"? 203 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:42,177 Just... In your own time. 204 00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:44,084 - Good... - I'm not a rocket ship, okay? 205 00:13:44,189 --> 00:13:45,816 - All right, dude. - And action! 206 00:13:45,924 --> 00:13:48,859 Whatever floats your boat, baby. Fuck! Don't die! 207 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,394 Erika, get me a VitaminWater! 208 00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:52,963 You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry. 209 00:13:53,064 --> 00:13:57,467 Not to get into his thing, but if I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too? 210 00:13:57,569 --> 00:13:59,469 - No, it's everyone cry... - We cutting or we crying? 211 00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:00,902 - No, no, no, we're crying! - Just call it, man! 212 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,133 - Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry. - Thanks! 213 00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:04,970 - Everybody cry... - You know what? 214 00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,044 - You see how agitated he is now? - I know. 215 00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:09,579 - Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work. - Okay. Still rolling! 216 00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:12,643 This is Falcon One. We have the ridge in sight, approximately two miles out. 217 00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:15,015 Dieter, these jets are about to crest this ridge line. 218 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,054 They got about 200 pounds of shit your pants. 219 00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:18,281 I need to know if we're ready to go. 220 00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:23,257 - You're my... You're my... - I am your... 221 00:14:23,361 --> 00:14:26,819 See, that's what I think it is, Damien. I think it's the line. 222 00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:27,955 Yeah? 223 00:14:28,066 --> 00:14:29,931 I don't know if Four Leaf would say that... Four Leaf? 224 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,367 Were you crying when your hands blew up? 225 00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,097 No. See, he didn't. Yeah, I mean, just that's what... 226 00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:35,763 So now we in re-writes, right? 227 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,000 - Where you going? - Let's re-write it! 228 00:14:37,108 --> 00:14:39,269 Action Jackson can't cry. That's what's going down. 229 00:14:39,377 --> 00:14:41,345 You know what, Kirk? I'm ready to do the scene! 230 00:14:41,446 --> 00:14:45,007 What scene? The scene is about emotionality. Where is it? 231 00:14:45,116 --> 00:14:46,708 - Now it's time to flip the script! - Kirk... 232 00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:48,979 Be here till Chinese New Year waiting for my man to cry. 233 00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:51,155 You're tangling me, you're fucking tangling me. 234 00:14:51,256 --> 00:14:52,416 You're tangling me, God damn it! 235 00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:55,390 - Kirk, no! - Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag! 236 00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:57,290 I'm going potty. You want to hold my dick? 237 00:14:57,762 --> 00:15:00,526 Shit! What are you fucking both doing, Good Lord! 238 00:15:00,699 --> 00:15:03,224 We're getting this in a wide shot, right? 239 00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:04,858 Of course we're getting it in a fucking wide. 240 00:15:04,969 --> 00:15:05,993 What, do you think I'm a dick or something? 241 00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:07,696 Get that fucking food... 242 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:09,239 Here they come! 243 00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:12,741 - The planes are inbound! - Shit! Shit! 244 00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:17,747 Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks. Tropic tits! 245 00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:20,818 That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go! 246 00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:22,978 Let's go freaking Tet here! 247 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,079 Goddamn shit-picking cock! 248 00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:28,784 That's my shit! 249 00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:37,267 Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit! 250 00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,371 - Sweet. - Oh, mama! 251 00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,444 Bungle in the jungle. 252 00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:54,643 More bad news from the Vietnamese set of Tropic Thunder, 253 00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:58,484 where a $4 million explosion charred the Asian location 254 00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,558 and the camera wasn't even rolling. 255 00:16:00,658 --> 00:16:03,320 Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul Les Grossman, 256 00:16:03,428 --> 00:16:06,522 the film is already rumored to be one month behind schedule 257 00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:09,498 just five days into shooting. The reason? 258 00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:12,536 Fingers are pointed at rookie director Damien Cockburn, 259 00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:15,731 who, insiders say, can't control a star-studded cast, 260 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:20,539 including flatulent star of the popular Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy. 261 00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:23,170 Let me tell you something. A lot of people are disrespecting me. 262 00:16:23,281 --> 00:16:27,012 They say that the movie's just about farts. It's about family, 263 00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:30,212 and... you! You can't do what I do. 264 00:16:30,321 --> 00:16:34,553 Fresh from his most recent arrest for heroin, glue and crack possession, 265 00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:37,025 Portnoy was almost uninsurable. 266 00:16:37,128 --> 00:16:41,462 Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino. 267 00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:44,057 I'm so excited, you know what I'm saying, about doing Tropic Thunder. 268 00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,330 Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby. Drink Booty Sweat. 269 00:16:46,437 --> 00:16:48,098 But the real heavyweight on the set 270 00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,140 is five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus. 271 00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:50,903 Is five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus. 272 00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:54,740 The brilliant Australian known for his bad boy antics off-screen 273 00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:58,441 is famous for his total immersion into any role he portrays. 274 00:16:58,550 --> 00:16:59,847 Well, being an actor is no different 275 00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:02,146 than being a rugby player or a construction worker, 276 00:17:02,253 --> 00:17:03,379 save for the fact that my tools 277 00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:05,547 are the mechanisms that trigger human emotion. 278 00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:07,716 Lazarus underwent a controversial 279 00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,818 pigmentation alteration procedure in order to play 280 00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:14,023 the platoon's African-American sergeant, Lincoln Osiris. 281 00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:15,565 Yeah! 282 00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:17,532 Trying to hold his own onscreen with Kirk 283 00:17:17,635 --> 00:17:19,762 is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman. 284 00:17:19,871 --> 00:17:22,669 Once the highest grossing star in the world, 285 00:17:22,774 --> 00:17:25,834 lately his Scorcher films have lost their heat. 286 00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:28,538 Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra. 287 00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:30,580 You have no real family. 288 00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:35,119 You're on the wrong side of 40. You're childless and alone. 289 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,915 Somebody close to you said, 290 00:17:37,021 --> 00:17:39,819 "One more flop and it's over." 291 00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:44,019 Somebody said they were close to me? 292 00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,089 It's been a tough year for Tugg. 293 00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:48,961 The disappointing buddy comedy Chitlin' & the Dude 294 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:53,731 was followed by an ill-advised venture into serious dramatic territory. 295 00:17:53,838 --> 00:17:54,930 Simple Jack, 296 00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:58,770 the story of a mentally impaired farmhand who can talk to animals, 297 00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:00,742 was a box office disaster 298 00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:05,441 that many critics called, "One of the worst movies of all time." 299 00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:09,179 I ain't got a good brain. 300 00:18:10,188 --> 00:18:13,089 I think you've got a fine brain, Jack. 301 00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:18,356 You make me happy. 302 00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:24,335 But now the question is, can Speedman make audiences happy 303 00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:26,198 in what's being called the most expensive 304 00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:28,568 - war movie never made? - Rick Peck. 305 00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:30,163 Wishing Tugg all the best on that one. 306 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:34,609 Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker. You got time for your agent? 307 00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:35,974 - Rick? - Hey, buddy, 308 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,638 guess who I'm staring at right now. 309 00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:39,410 - What? - I'm looking at your ugly mug 310 00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:41,815 on the back cover of Vanity Fair magazine, 311 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,354 holding a cute, cuddly panda from Cutesville. 312 00:18:44,455 --> 00:18:47,049 It is insane, bro. You are a rock star. 313 00:18:47,158 --> 00:18:49,752 Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent? 314 00:18:49,861 --> 00:18:50,885 From Rick. 315 00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:53,088 Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks. 316 00:18:53,197 --> 00:18:55,757 All right, that is a real satellite phone, bro. 317 00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:57,459 Do not re-gift. 318 00:18:57,568 --> 00:19:00,059 Hey. You see that Access Hollywood piece? 319 00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:03,106 Yeah, I did. It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid. 320 00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:07,644 I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Tugg. You are a huge star, all right? 321 00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:09,212 But right now, 322 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,872 you're like that kid on the playground, you know, 323 00:19:10,982 --> 00:19:13,951 the one who has lice that none of the other kids want to play with? 324 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:16,043 - What do you mean? - I mean we gotta shave your head 325 00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:18,622 and get you back on the monkey bars, right? 326 00:19:18,723 --> 00:19:20,054 What? 327 00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,023 How did the crying scene go? 328 00:19:22,126 --> 00:19:23,889 Horrible. Lazarus started crying. 329 00:19:23,995 --> 00:19:27,158 Then he starts drooling and dribbling, and it wasn't even in the script... 330 00:19:27,265 --> 00:19:28,357 Stop right there! 331 00:19:28,466 --> 00:19:30,195 You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat. 332 00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:32,997 Who cares how much more talented he may be than you? 333 00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:36,471 If he cries, you cry harder, man. 334 00:19:36,574 --> 00:19:38,735 Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia or something 335 00:19:38,843 --> 00:19:40,208 when you were a kid? I mean, think of that. 336 00:19:40,311 --> 00:19:44,077 Boom! End of story. They hook up the TiVo yet? 337 00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:45,444 Good gosh. 338 00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:47,381 - What? - The TiVo, they hook it up? 339 00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,749 - No. The guy didn't come. - What? 340 00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:52,448 For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable. 341 00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:54,457 They have digital cable, but, I mean, it's okay. 342 00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,789 No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay. 343 00:19:56,894 --> 00:19:59,021 It is not okay, Tugg! 344 00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:02,258 And you don't need to explain to me why you need TiVo 345 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:06,303 or clean water, clean sheets, food, shelter. 346 00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:09,498 I mean, I fought for that in your contract. 347 00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:11,666 How's the adoption thing coming, buddy? 348 00:20:11,776 --> 00:20:13,801 Not too great. 349 00:20:17,048 --> 00:20:19,744 I feel like all the good ones are gone. 350 00:20:21,419 --> 00:20:23,717 Well, at least you get to choose yours. 351 00:20:23,821 --> 00:20:25,652 I'm stuck with mine. 352 00:20:27,558 --> 00:20:30,083 Tell you what, get back to work, genius soldier. 353 00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:33,061 The Pecker's on a TiVo mission for the Y-O-U. 354 00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:34,927 Work on those tears, my man. 355 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:36,125 All right. Yeah. 356 00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:37,792 Say it for me one time. 357 00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:42,168 - You make me happy. - Make me happy. 358 00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:43,865 - I love you, buddy. - All right, bye. 359 00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:46,767 Crisis meeting? What does that mean, exactly? 360 00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:48,539 I mean, are we in a crisis? 361 00:20:48,646 --> 00:20:50,170 He's the head of the studio. 362 00:20:50,281 --> 00:20:52,647 He's reaching out. We're 10,000 miles away. 363 00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:53,842 He just wants a little face-time. 364 00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:56,545 I know, it's just you said that he called it a crisis meeting. So... 365 00:20:56,654 --> 00:20:59,054 It's Les Grossman. He throws these words around. 366 00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:03,560 "Crisis," "explosion," "not rolling," "fired." 367 00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:04,992 These are just words. 368 00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:07,189 Yeah! Yeah! 369 00:21:07,298 --> 00:21:10,597 Keep a secret? A camera truck in London just plowed into Judi Dench. 370 00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:11,827 Trust me, he's got bigger problems. 371 00:21:11,936 --> 00:21:14,404 Look, he may be able to see me, but I can't see him. 372 00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:19,033 - Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello! - Get your ass out of my... 373 00:21:19,143 --> 00:21:20,576 - Your feet were on my desk. - Can he see us? 374 00:21:20,678 --> 00:21:22,009 I don't know why we don't have... 375 00:21:22,113 --> 00:21:24,274 Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working! 376 00:21:24,382 --> 00:21:26,873 Yeah, whatever you're doing right there. Hello, Les! 377 00:21:26,984 --> 00:21:28,383 - Hello, Les! - Okay. 378 00:21:28,486 --> 00:21:30,545 We got you loud and clear here, Les. 379 00:21:30,655 --> 00:21:34,352 I see you. I see you. I see you. 380 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:37,587 Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn? 381 00:21:38,596 --> 00:21:40,120 That's me, sir. 382 00:21:40,231 --> 00:21:43,758 It's good to finally meet you at last, get some face-time. 383 00:21:43,868 --> 00:21:47,827 And who here is the key grip? You? You. 384 00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:53,299 Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard. 385 00:22:00,184 --> 00:22:01,515 Sorry, man. 386 00:22:08,025 --> 00:22:10,926 This is your fault, you limey fuck! 387 00:22:11,028 --> 00:22:12,893 You shit the money-bed, my friend. 388 00:22:12,997 --> 00:22:15,522 - What? - God damn it, Damien! 389 00:22:15,633 --> 00:22:18,727 With all due respect, Les Grossman did not blow up the jungle. 390 00:22:18,836 --> 00:22:19,928 - What? - Fuck the jungle. 391 00:22:20,037 --> 00:22:21,368 Exactly! 392 00:22:22,073 --> 00:22:23,540 Come on, man. 393 00:22:24,275 --> 00:22:27,005 Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry, 394 00:22:27,111 --> 00:22:29,102 but I am dealing with a bunch of prima donnas! 395 00:22:29,213 --> 00:22:32,705 Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry! He can't cry! 396 00:22:32,817 --> 00:22:35,217 You know how you handle an actor? They whine about anything, 397 00:22:35,319 --> 00:22:38,618 you pull down their pants and you spank their ass. 398 00:22:38,723 --> 00:22:40,918 - You spank that ass, Les. - What? 399 00:22:41,025 --> 00:22:44,791 Spanking a child turns him into a little snot. 400 00:22:45,663 --> 00:22:48,564 Fear makes him a man. 401 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:54,196 I know a place where a man's worth is measured 402 00:22:54,305 --> 00:22:58,105 in the ears hanging from his dog tags. 403 00:22:58,209 --> 00:23:00,939 The real deep shit. 404 00:23:01,045 --> 00:23:02,547 You wanna make this movie right? 405 00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:03,639 You wanna make this movie right? 406 00:23:03,748 --> 00:23:07,240 That's where you take your pansy-ass actors. 407 00:23:08,819 --> 00:23:10,684 Who is this guy? 408 00:23:10,788 --> 00:23:12,688 Les, that's Four Leaf. 409 00:23:12,790 --> 00:23:16,089 Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book. 410 00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:22,357 You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. 411 00:23:22,466 --> 00:23:25,435 Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job! 412 00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:27,771 - Look, Cockburn. - Yes. 413 00:23:27,872 --> 00:23:31,899 From now on, my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole 414 00:23:32,009 --> 00:23:33,374 that every time you have a thought, 415 00:23:33,477 --> 00:23:36,503 it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring. 416 00:23:36,614 --> 00:23:40,141 Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down. 417 00:23:40,251 --> 00:23:41,343 Diet Coke! 418 00:23:59,103 --> 00:24:01,298 One week down, two weeks behind, 419 00:24:01,405 --> 00:24:05,205 GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you ain't got the camera turned on anyway. 420 00:24:05,309 --> 00:24:06,708 Let's party! 421 00:24:07,645 --> 00:24:09,545 Man, you better get your shit straight, 422 00:24:09,647 --> 00:24:12,514 or I'll be on the next NetJet out of here, baby. You feel me? 423 00:24:13,384 --> 00:24:14,351 - You feel that? - Yeah. 424 00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:16,977 Here comes another. There we go. Now what? 425 00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:19,687 - Sandusky. Good. - Hey, Mr. Cockburn. 426 00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:21,655 We need to have a cast meeting right now. 427 00:24:21,759 --> 00:24:23,056 - Right now? Awesome. - Yes. 428 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,354 You actually care, don't you? 429 00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:27,056 Yeah, it's a huge deal for me, are you kidding? 430 00:24:27,164 --> 00:24:29,132 I've spent the past two years of my life 431 00:24:29,233 --> 00:24:32,930 living off residuals from a anti-herpes medication commercial. 432 00:24:33,037 --> 00:24:34,197 I know, you're the only one who auditioned, 433 00:24:34,305 --> 00:24:35,863 the only one who did the two-week boot camp. 434 00:24:35,973 --> 00:24:37,634 Hey, hey, Alpa. 435 00:24:38,342 --> 00:24:40,810 I'm the director. He's... I need to speak to my actor. 436 00:24:40,911 --> 00:24:42,139 All right, hold up. Chino? 437 00:24:42,246 --> 00:24:44,009 What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby? 438 00:24:44,949 --> 00:24:46,439 This about the Booty Sweat cross-promotion? 439 00:24:46,550 --> 00:24:47,574 No, it's about the film. 440 00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:49,676 Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's the same thing. Give him a shot. 441 00:24:50,054 --> 00:24:52,181 Hey, how you doing, Jeff? 442 00:24:52,290 --> 00:24:55,748 - Who are you? - That's awesome, man. 443 00:24:58,029 --> 00:25:02,762 Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn, we've been working together. 444 00:25:02,867 --> 00:25:04,459 Oh, right, right. I like you. 445 00:25:04,568 --> 00:25:06,536 Man, it's a real honor to be here... 446 00:25:06,637 --> 00:25:07,934 I can tell it's gonna be a good experience. 447 00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:09,165 I'm really having a good time. 448 00:25:09,273 --> 00:25:10,900 Hey, can you help me out, man? I'm looking for this guy. 449 00:25:11,008 --> 00:25:15,172 The grip with the bandana. He's got a package for me. 450 00:25:15,646 --> 00:25:18,046 There he is, fucker. Dragon! 451 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:20,981 What the fuck? Oh, buddy! 452 00:25:21,118 --> 00:25:22,483 I'm gonna go shoot a video, right? 453 00:25:22,586 --> 00:25:24,713 I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers in the video 454 00:25:24,822 --> 00:25:26,119 doing the noodle-legs, Damien. 455 00:25:26,223 --> 00:25:30,592 Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien. 456 00:25:30,828 --> 00:25:32,489 It's good, I love it, great. But I need to... 457 00:25:32,596 --> 00:25:35,588 V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby. Hit it, baby. 458 00:25:35,733 --> 00:25:37,394 Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread. 459 00:25:39,570 --> 00:25:40,730 Alpa! 460 00:25:40,838 --> 00:25:42,271 Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone. 461 00:25:42,373 --> 00:25:43,340 Hello? Yo, yo, Donny! 462 00:25:43,441 --> 00:25:45,500 Can we call him back? I've got to have a cast meeting. 463 00:25:49,046 --> 00:25:51,378 When we put aside our differences, 464 00:25:51,482 --> 00:25:54,349 we see we're kind of the same. 465 00:25:55,252 --> 00:25:58,779 When we put aside our differences, we see 466 00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,323 we're kind of the same. 467 00:26:03,094 --> 00:26:04,891 Let's be friends. 468 00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:07,824 I know we can do great things together. 469 00:26:09,934 --> 00:26:13,700 That's a quotation from a children's book I co-wrote, 470 00:26:14,472 --> 00:26:16,599 The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of. 471 00:26:16,707 --> 00:26:18,436 I think it pertains to the journey... 472 00:26:18,542 --> 00:26:19,873 Simple Jack sucked ass! 473 00:26:20,945 --> 00:26:23,345 All right, who said that? It's not funny. 474 00:26:23,447 --> 00:26:25,210 Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay? 475 00:26:32,523 --> 00:26:35,219 When the herd loses its way, 476 00:26:35,326 --> 00:26:39,763 the shepherd must kill the bull that leads them astray. 477 00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:44,864 - Four Leaf? - Come on over. It's okay. 478 00:26:46,537 --> 00:26:48,027 - Sit down. - Yes. 479 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:54,537 - So, you don't like the hotel? - Beds give me nightmares. 480 00:26:59,583 --> 00:27:04,782 I'm guessing right about now you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin 481 00:27:04,889 --> 00:27:09,223 with an Ohio hooker holding your prick and showing you the way. 482 00:27:16,033 --> 00:27:17,364 What? 483 00:27:17,601 --> 00:27:19,193 You're a riddle 484 00:27:20,704 --> 00:27:23,639 with no cheese to maze through. 485 00:27:25,543 --> 00:27:26,510 Don't you get it? 486 00:27:26,610 --> 00:27:30,341 No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse or something. I don't know. 487 00:27:30,448 --> 00:27:34,384 I put my story in your limp Brit hands, 488 00:27:34,485 --> 00:27:37,921 and you are not going to fail me. 489 00:27:38,022 --> 00:27:41,617 You think I was just blowing my own bagpipe in that meeting? 490 00:27:41,725 --> 00:27:45,559 You must put those boys in the shit. 491 00:27:45,663 --> 00:27:47,221 What? I don't understand. 492 00:27:47,331 --> 00:27:50,596 - You wanna make your movie or not? - Yes, I do. 493 00:27:50,701 --> 00:27:54,193 All right, you get some of those little video type cameras. 494 00:27:54,305 --> 00:27:57,934 We take them out there, and we put them in the trees in different angles. 495 00:27:58,042 --> 00:28:01,375 Then you give me and that pyromaniac Cody 496 00:28:01,479 --> 00:28:06,348 all the smoke bombs, charges, explosives, detonators you got. 497 00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:08,884 Then we take those boys up there, 498 00:28:08,986 --> 00:28:12,080 me and Cody, we could light up that fucking jungle, 499 00:28:12,189 --> 00:28:15,124 so those lily-dick actors would be shitting their pants 500 00:28:15,226 --> 00:28:17,217 and screaming for their mammies. 501 00:28:17,328 --> 00:28:20,786 They'd be begging for a body bag if it means a ride home. 502 00:28:23,634 --> 00:28:25,158 I could do it. 503 00:28:25,936 --> 00:28:29,372 I could shoot the whole thing guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty. 504 00:28:29,473 --> 00:28:32,806 Get them away from their helpers and ass-licking assistants. 505 00:28:32,910 --> 00:28:34,002 Put them in the real shit. 506 00:28:34,111 --> 00:28:35,305 - Real shit. - With real fear in their eyes! 507 00:28:35,412 --> 00:28:38,472 Real fear, real emotion! Yes, Four Leaf, yes! 508 00:28:38,582 --> 00:28:40,675 - Yes! Yes! - Yes! Yes! 509 00:28:40,784 --> 00:28:42,547 Take them off the fucking grid! 510 00:29:00,004 --> 00:29:02,768 You are no longer actors in a movie! 511 00:29:03,874 --> 00:29:06,604 You are five men in a helicopter! 512 00:29:08,379 --> 00:29:10,142 With three other men! 513 00:29:15,786 --> 00:29:17,310 How long are we gonna be gone, anyways? 514 00:29:17,421 --> 00:29:21,482 'Cause I left most of my vitamins back at the hotel. 515 00:29:21,592 --> 00:29:24,152 - Save your breath, maggots! - That's right, maggots! 516 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:37,502 M&M? 517 00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:40,707 M&M? 518 00:30:00,497 --> 00:30:02,633 Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper! 519 00:30:02,633 --> 00:30:03,156 Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper! 520 00:30:04,468 --> 00:30:07,631 Move it, maggots, move! Move, grunts, move your ass! 521 00:30:07,738 --> 00:30:10,036 Get out, you wriggly worms! 522 00:30:10,140 --> 00:30:12,608 - It's up too high! - Move, move, move! 523 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,809 See you in hell! 524 00:30:29,326 --> 00:30:33,524 This is bullshit! I gotta at least call my fucking assistant. 525 00:30:34,798 --> 00:30:37,528 Fucking! Jesus! Dude! 526 00:30:39,003 --> 00:30:41,233 You're sitting on a nest of hostile enemy V.C. 527 00:30:41,338 --> 00:30:44,774 Congratulations, Fats. You just got us all killed. 528 00:30:45,776 --> 00:30:49,371 Anybody else care to give away our position to Charlie? 529 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,243 Cell phones! 530 00:30:51,348 --> 00:30:52,815 What the hell, Damien? 531 00:30:52,916 --> 00:30:56,613 Weren't no cell phones in '69, man. I'm head-to-toe legitimate. 532 00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,121 Gentlemen, I've got good news and bad news. 533 00:31:00,224 --> 00:31:03,716 The studio wants to shut us down. That's the bad news. 534 00:31:03,861 --> 00:31:06,159 And the good news. 535 00:31:06,263 --> 00:31:09,164 If you wanna save this movie, you will become a unit. 536 00:31:09,266 --> 00:31:13,032 Your objective is to head north to the D'ang Kwook River 537 00:31:13,137 --> 00:31:14,627 and liberate the POW camp, 538 00:31:14,738 --> 00:31:18,003 at which point Four Leaf will get himself captured, 539 00:31:18,108 --> 00:31:19,905 at which point you will rescue him, 540 00:31:20,010 --> 00:31:23,377 at which point we will chopper you home! 541 00:31:24,581 --> 00:31:25,673 Damn. 542 00:31:25,783 --> 00:31:27,580 Four Leaf, since you're the staff sergeant, 543 00:31:27,685 --> 00:31:30,085 there's the map, this is the scene list. 544 00:31:30,187 --> 00:31:32,314 Think you can handle it? 545 00:31:32,423 --> 00:31:36,621 We have rigged this entire valley of death with hidden cameras. 546 00:31:38,095 --> 00:31:41,724 And I will be shooting as well, from unseen vantage points, 547 00:31:41,832 --> 00:31:45,427 so that every glorious moment is captured on film. 548 00:31:46,704 --> 00:31:49,867 And believe me, gentlemen, it will be glorious. 549 00:31:49,973 --> 00:31:52,498 If it looks real, chances are it probably is. 550 00:31:52,609 --> 00:31:54,201 You wanted to be actors. 551 00:31:54,311 --> 00:31:56,905 You wanted to occupy the skin of another human being. 552 00:31:57,014 --> 00:32:00,006 Well, get ready to occupy the skin of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt, 553 00:32:00,117 --> 00:32:03,883 surrounded by death, crawling up Satan's bottom. 554 00:32:04,922 --> 00:32:09,621 There'll be ambushes, enemy fire, your own little personal slice of 'Nam. 555 00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:14,323 This radio goes to the chopper and the chopper only. 556 00:32:14,431 --> 00:32:18,868 The chopper is God, and I am Jesus Christ, his son. 557 00:32:18,969 --> 00:32:21,665 You are my chosen disciples. 558 00:32:21,772 --> 00:32:24,798 And no one gets to go home till we get the shots. 559 00:32:24,908 --> 00:32:27,934 Put on your war faces, gentlemen. 560 00:32:28,045 --> 00:32:32,744 Now, let's go and make the greatest war movie ever! 561 00:32:32,850 --> 00:32:35,182 - Yeah! - All right! 562 00:32:53,937 --> 00:32:54,995 Yeah! 563 00:33:00,444 --> 00:33:01,502 Yeah! 564 00:33:14,057 --> 00:33:15,957 Not bad, Cockburn! 565 00:33:17,795 --> 00:33:18,989 Not bad. 566 00:33:20,697 --> 00:33:22,289 Wherever you are! 567 00:33:24,301 --> 00:33:27,361 Wherever he is? Looks like he's all over the place. 568 00:33:29,173 --> 00:33:31,073 Here we go. 569 00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,200 Must be an old French mine. 570 00:33:33,310 --> 00:33:36,768 It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China. This jungle must be full of them. 571 00:33:38,849 --> 00:33:42,307 Don't you get it? He's messing with our heads. 572 00:33:42,419 --> 00:33:44,444 That's what all that playing God stuff was about. 573 00:33:44,555 --> 00:33:47,115 He's trying to get us to act good, save the movie. 574 00:33:47,224 --> 00:33:50,250 He ain't playing God. He's being judged by him. 575 00:33:54,264 --> 00:33:56,960 That's our objective. Complete the mission. 576 00:34:03,173 --> 00:34:06,074 No offense, Kirk, I know you're the big fancy actor here, 577 00:34:06,176 --> 00:34:10,078 but I've done a lot more effects-driven event films than you. Okay? 578 00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:11,579 And I think I can spot 579 00:34:13,684 --> 00:34:15,208 a prop head when I see one. 580 00:34:15,319 --> 00:34:16,809 Oh, Jesus. 581 00:34:18,021 --> 00:34:21,513 It's corn syrup, guys. Corn syrup and latex. 582 00:34:24,728 --> 00:34:27,856 Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup. 583 00:34:27,965 --> 00:34:29,091 Oh, God. 584 00:34:29,733 --> 00:34:32,861 Smoke and mirrors, guys. Welcome to the movie factory. 585 00:34:32,970 --> 00:34:34,164 Oldest trick in the book. 586 00:34:36,173 --> 00:34:37,470 He getting down now. 587 00:34:37,574 --> 00:34:38,939 Oh, my God! 588 00:34:41,745 --> 00:34:43,804 Whoa, look at me! 589 00:34:43,914 --> 00:34:45,381 You're going to get the shots, 590 00:34:45,482 --> 00:34:48,474 and I'm going to make sure because I'm the director. 591 00:34:48,585 --> 00:34:50,712 I'm from London. I direct plays. 592 00:34:50,821 --> 00:34:53,847 Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on! 593 00:35:03,867 --> 00:35:05,562 Look, I'm Dave Beckham. 594 00:35:15,212 --> 00:35:17,612 So, we gotta light these boys up today, huh? 595 00:35:17,714 --> 00:35:19,909 Blow some sense into these young men. 596 00:35:20,884 --> 00:35:23,785 Hey, I don't want to come off as weird or anything, 597 00:35:23,887 --> 00:35:27,823 but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah. 598 00:35:29,192 --> 00:35:32,684 Tropic Thunder. Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye. 599 00:35:33,931 --> 00:35:36,161 Yeah, I've never been in the military, per se, 600 00:35:36,266 --> 00:35:38,700 but I have lost an appendage in the line of duty. 601 00:35:40,504 --> 00:35:42,734 Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig. 602 00:35:43,507 --> 00:35:44,565 Yeah. 603 00:35:45,075 --> 00:35:47,873 It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. What is it? 604 00:35:47,978 --> 00:35:49,639 I don't know what it's called. 605 00:35:50,781 --> 00:35:55,514 I just know the sound it makes when it takes a man's life. 606 00:35:58,655 --> 00:35:59,713 Okay. 607 00:36:00,290 --> 00:36:01,518 Damien, we're go for explosion. 608 00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:04,423 Ready to kick the tires and light the fires on your say-so. 609 00:36:04,528 --> 00:36:06,257 Damien, we're go for explosion. 610 00:36:07,397 --> 00:36:08,421 Do you copy? 611 00:36:08,532 --> 00:36:11,399 I got an itchy trigger finger here, and I'm ready to blow some shit up. 612 00:36:11,501 --> 00:36:15,130 All right, you happy now? Can we do the scene? 613 00:36:15,238 --> 00:36:17,866 Or do you need a formal invitation? Come on, let's go! 614 00:36:19,676 --> 00:36:20,768 Here. Okay. 615 00:36:20,877 --> 00:36:23,072 "Scene 12, exterior, jungle clearing, day, ambush. 616 00:36:28,618 --> 00:36:30,552 "Four Leaf notices movement in the brush. 617 00:36:30,654 --> 00:36:33,680 "A dozen guerrilla fighters can be seen moving in the tree line. 618 00:36:33,790 --> 00:36:36,350 "Somewhere a mine explodes." And you. 619 00:36:37,694 --> 00:36:39,719 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 620 00:36:39,830 --> 00:36:41,320 - Yeah. - No, that's your line. 621 00:36:41,431 --> 00:36:44,298 - I got... Now? - Yeah, but scared. Like, scared. 622 00:36:44,401 --> 00:36:47,131 - "I got a bad feeling on this one." - Dude, wait, like how? 623 00:36:47,237 --> 00:36:49,068 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 624 00:36:49,172 --> 00:36:51,265 - Okay. - Action. Go, come on. 625 00:37:00,283 --> 00:37:03,150 I got a bad feeling on this one there, Fats. 626 00:37:04,488 --> 00:37:07,889 Our asses don't get fragged in this bullshit valley, 627 00:37:07,991 --> 00:37:09,822 first thing I'm doing is paying my two bucks 628 00:37:09,926 --> 00:37:11,553 so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry 629 00:37:11,661 --> 00:37:14,357 on a sweet little mama-san's dinky dau poontang. 630 00:37:14,464 --> 00:37:17,365 Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged before he get any cooch. 631 00:37:17,467 --> 00:37:20,698 He die, he probably die a coochless motherfucker. 632 00:37:20,804 --> 00:37:22,203 Zip it, Motown. 633 00:37:22,305 --> 00:37:23,863 Don't you worry, Brooklyn. 634 00:37:23,974 --> 00:37:26,033 You got a lot of days of fucking ahead of you. 635 00:37:28,145 --> 00:37:29,737 Man, I'm thirsty. 636 00:37:30,847 --> 00:37:35,807 Might as well have some of this Booty Sweat I got back in Danang. 637 00:37:36,686 --> 00:37:40,178 Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead! 638 00:37:40,290 --> 00:37:42,087 Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak, 639 00:37:42,192 --> 00:37:45,525 David Blaine trapdoor horseshit jumping off here! 640 00:37:45,629 --> 00:37:49,395 Hey! You wanna get on the train here, or do you wanna ruin another take? 641 00:37:49,499 --> 00:37:52,832 There ain't no goddamn takes, ain't no goddamn motion picture! 642 00:37:53,804 --> 00:37:55,567 - You sure? - Yeah. 643 00:37:55,672 --> 00:37:57,469 - Yeah? - For certain, man. 644 00:37:57,574 --> 00:37:59,474 Then why are you still in character? 645 00:38:01,044 --> 00:38:03,012 I know, but I don't have to tell you. 646 00:38:04,147 --> 00:38:05,205 You don't know. 647 00:38:05,315 --> 00:38:08,250 Man, I don't drop character till I done a DVD commentary. 648 00:38:11,021 --> 00:38:13,182 You happy now? We're out of position for the effects! 649 00:38:13,290 --> 00:38:15,019 Get down, fool! 650 00:38:16,726 --> 00:38:19,627 Didn't anyone read the script? This is the ambush! 651 00:38:21,031 --> 00:38:24,694 - This feels pretty real! - Exactly! Let's use it. 652 00:38:35,312 --> 00:38:36,472 Yeah! 653 00:38:37,747 --> 00:38:39,112 Yeah! 654 00:38:41,718 --> 00:38:42,980 Eat lead! 655 00:38:44,955 --> 00:38:47,321 They're busting caps like a motherfucker down there. 656 00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:52,687 This is FUBAR. I say we juice them. 657 00:38:52,796 --> 00:38:54,286 - What do you think? - Juice them. 658 00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:59,191 Fuck you, Charlie! 659 00:39:01,271 --> 00:39:02,738 Big-ass titties! 660 00:39:08,712 --> 00:39:10,339 Look at that, huh? 661 00:39:15,619 --> 00:39:16,813 And cut! 662 00:39:19,089 --> 00:39:20,920 That's the trailer right there. 663 00:39:21,024 --> 00:39:22,321 Yeah! 664 00:39:22,425 --> 00:39:24,689 - What do we do now? - Yeah. 665 00:39:24,794 --> 00:39:26,318 North. Man said to head north. 666 00:39:26,429 --> 00:39:29,762 - Did you see me shooting? - That's how we do. Good work, baby. 667 00:39:29,866 --> 00:39:30,924 I believed it. 668 00:39:31,034 --> 00:39:32,194 D'ang Kwook River. 669 00:39:32,836 --> 00:39:34,235 I'm betting he's got more of these battles 670 00:39:34,337 --> 00:39:37,067 and Viet Congs rigged for us along the way. 671 00:39:37,174 --> 00:39:40,940 Sergeant Osiris, get your men. Load and lock. 672 00:39:41,611 --> 00:39:43,374 Real, baby, I'm real. 673 00:39:44,447 --> 00:39:47,245 Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover! 674 00:39:48,385 --> 00:39:51,411 Hump it up, gentlemen! Single formation. 675 00:39:51,521 --> 00:39:53,352 Don't dawdle now! 676 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:21,746 D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface. How are we coming on that hotplate? 677 00:40:24,387 --> 00:40:27,686 Something's up. I think we better drag ass back there. 678 00:40:27,791 --> 00:40:30,487 Make sure Damien ain't forgot how to use his talkbox again. 679 00:40:38,235 --> 00:40:41,204 Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste. 680 00:40:42,806 --> 00:40:44,933 - What are you doing, Jeff? - Fucking... Nothing, man! 681 00:40:45,041 --> 00:40:48,374 - I'm eating jellybeans. - Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please... 682 00:40:48,478 --> 00:40:51,208 No, you can't have any fucking jellybeans. 683 00:40:51,314 --> 00:40:52,406 They're mine. 684 00:40:52,515 --> 00:40:53,675 You think you're the only one who gets sick 685 00:40:53,783 --> 00:40:55,478 when he doesn't have his jellybeans? 686 00:40:55,585 --> 00:40:56,984 Boundaries, man. Fuck. 687 00:41:16,906 --> 00:41:19,602 Hey. I didn't mean to show you up back there. 688 00:41:19,709 --> 00:41:23,839 It's just, I feel like we really need to set the example for the other guys. 689 00:41:23,947 --> 00:41:25,847 It's gonna be tough, 690 00:41:25,949 --> 00:41:28,975 but I think Damien's gonna get some great shit out of us. 691 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,249 Just wish I had a director like this on Jack. 692 00:41:32,355 --> 00:41:34,846 On Jack. What? Jack? What you talking about? 693 00:41:36,059 --> 00:41:38,027 - Simple Jack. - Oh, yeah. 694 00:41:39,529 --> 00:41:42,760 Simple Jack, yeah. You went all out on that one, huh? 695 00:41:42,866 --> 00:41:45,130 You did. Really swung for the fences, huh? 696 00:41:45,235 --> 00:41:47,635 Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. 697 00:41:47,737 --> 00:41:50,638 Yeah, it was an intense experience, you know. 698 00:41:51,341 --> 00:41:53,434 I just did the work. 699 00:41:53,543 --> 00:41:57,343 Watched a lot of retarded people. Spent time with them. Observed them. 700 00:41:58,648 --> 00:42:00,809 Watched all the retarded stuff they did. 701 00:42:00,917 --> 00:42:02,680 Then again, I always found mere observation 702 00:42:02,786 --> 00:42:05,084 in and of itself is a tad rudimentary. 703 00:42:05,188 --> 00:42:08,248 Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper to mine the true emotional pay dirt. 704 00:42:08,358 --> 00:42:12,692 Thus, we can diagram the source of the pain and then live it, you know. 705 00:42:12,796 --> 00:42:14,855 Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly. 706 00:42:14,964 --> 00:42:17,694 You know, there were times when I was doing Jack 707 00:42:17,801 --> 00:42:20,269 that I actually felt retarded, 708 00:42:20,370 --> 00:42:21,735 - like really retarded. - Oh, yeah. 709 00:42:21,838 --> 00:42:24,033 I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded, 710 00:42:24,140 --> 00:42:25,937 - I rode the bus retarded. - Damn. 711 00:42:26,042 --> 00:42:29,273 In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up 712 00:42:29,379 --> 00:42:32,348 to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb. 713 00:42:32,449 --> 00:42:34,007 - To be a moron. - Yeah. 714 00:42:34,117 --> 00:42:36,847 - To be moronical. - Exactly, to be a moron. 715 00:42:36,953 --> 00:42:38,318 - An imbecile. - Yeah. 716 00:42:38,421 --> 00:42:41,288 Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived. 717 00:42:41,391 --> 00:42:42,551 When I was playing the character. 718 00:42:42,659 --> 00:42:45,253 - When you was the character. - Yeah, as Jack, definitely. 719 00:42:45,362 --> 00:42:47,557 Jack, stupid ass Jack. 720 00:42:47,664 --> 00:42:48,926 Trying to come back from that. 721 00:42:49,032 --> 00:42:53,162 In a weird way it was almost like I had to sort of fool my mind 722 00:42:53,269 --> 00:42:56,238 into believing that it wasn't retarded, 723 00:42:56,339 --> 00:42:58,068 and by the end of the whole thing, I was like, 724 00:42:58,174 --> 00:43:02,702 "Wait a minute, I flushed so much out, how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?" 725 00:43:02,812 --> 00:43:04,871 - It's just like... Right? - Yeah. 726 00:43:04,981 --> 00:43:07,745 You was farting in bathtubs and laughing your ass off. 727 00:43:07,851 --> 00:43:09,716 Yeah. 728 00:43:09,819 --> 00:43:12,117 But Simple Jack thought he was smart, 729 00:43:12,222 --> 00:43:13,519 or rather, didn't think he was retarded, 730 00:43:13,623 --> 00:43:16,490 so you can't afford to play retarded, being a smart actor. 731 00:43:16,593 --> 00:43:19,084 Playing a guy who ain't smart but thinks he is, 732 00:43:19,195 --> 00:43:20,822 - that's tricky. - Tricky. 733 00:43:20,930 --> 00:43:24,457 It's like working with mercury. It's high science, man. It's an art form. 734 00:43:24,567 --> 00:43:26,592 - Yeah. - You an artist. 735 00:43:26,703 --> 00:43:28,500 - That's what we do, right? Yeah. - Yeah. 736 00:43:28,605 --> 00:43:29,867 Hats off for going there, 737 00:43:29,973 --> 00:43:32,703 especially knowing how the Academy is about that shit. 738 00:43:36,413 --> 00:43:39,940 - About what? - You're serious? You don't know? 739 00:43:42,152 --> 00:43:44,177 Everybody knows you never go full retard. 740 00:43:45,722 --> 00:43:47,815 - What do you mean? - Check it out. 741 00:43:47,957 --> 00:43:52,053 Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked retarded, act retarded, not retarded. 742 00:43:52,162 --> 00:43:56,258 Count toothpicks, cheat at cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. 743 00:43:57,133 --> 00:43:58,998 Then you got Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. 744 00:43:59,102 --> 00:44:01,400 Slow, yes, retarded, maybe, braces on his legs. 745 00:44:01,504 --> 00:44:04,405 But he charmed the pants off Nixon, and he won a Ping-Pong competition. 746 00:44:04,507 --> 00:44:05,531 That ain't retarded. 747 00:44:05,675 --> 00:44:09,611 And he was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? 748 00:44:11,548 --> 00:44:13,539 You went full retard, man. 749 00:44:15,084 --> 00:44:16,449 Never go full retard. 750 00:44:17,454 --> 00:44:21,015 You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam. 751 00:44:21,124 --> 00:44:24,423 Remember? Went full retard? Went home empty-handed. 752 00:44:34,270 --> 00:44:37,467 Oh, my God! Holy shit! 753 00:44:38,141 --> 00:44:40,837 Good job, turd. You killed the director. 754 00:44:40,944 --> 00:44:42,206 No, that's impossible, man. 755 00:44:42,312 --> 00:44:45,179 I rigged the whole tree line, and this is here. 756 00:44:45,315 --> 00:44:46,839 - He must have missed his mark. - Missed his mark? 757 00:44:46,950 --> 00:44:48,178 Yeah, this isn't me. 758 00:44:48,284 --> 00:44:51,082 Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard and get back to the hotel. 759 00:44:51,187 --> 00:44:53,883 - You're in a world of hurt, dumbo! - We're in a world of hurt! 760 00:44:53,990 --> 00:44:56,185 - You're in trouble. - This isn't just on me! 761 00:44:56,292 --> 00:44:58,522 - We're in a... We're together on this. - Bullshit. 762 00:44:58,628 --> 00:45:00,095 You're just gonna run away. You're gonna leave. 763 00:45:00,196 --> 00:45:01,857 What happened to, "No man left behind," okay? 764 00:45:01,965 --> 00:45:04,229 Just wait, just wait! Listen! Listen, okay? 765 00:45:04,334 --> 00:45:07,064 - I don't wanna hear it. - Let me just be real with you, all right? 766 00:45:07,170 --> 00:45:10,469 I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis on Freaky Friday, okay? 767 00:45:10,573 --> 00:45:11,904 This shit will fucking ruin me! 768 00:45:12,008 --> 00:45:13,908 - Just get off me! You're pathetic. - No, I'm not. 769 00:45:14,010 --> 00:45:16,478 - Get off me! - You are not going back! 770 00:45:19,849 --> 00:45:21,783 - What the fuck? - Now wait a minute. 771 00:45:32,161 --> 00:45:34,857 So, what? We're just supposed to keep walking? 772 00:45:34,964 --> 00:45:37,831 Try to stay in character. Remember, we're on camera. 773 00:45:37,967 --> 00:45:38,934 This thing's too heavy. 774 00:45:39,035 --> 00:45:40,468 I want the rubber one that the prop guy gave me. 775 00:45:40,570 --> 00:45:42,834 Where's the fucking prop guy? 776 00:45:47,810 --> 00:45:50,404 How's it going with that map, chief? 777 00:45:50,513 --> 00:45:53,107 - Can I have a look at it? - I got it. 778 00:45:53,216 --> 00:45:54,774 Yeah, Damien gave it to me, remember? 779 00:45:54,884 --> 00:45:56,374 Yeah, but he gave it to you for us. 780 00:45:56,486 --> 00:45:58,113 - Yeah. - Okay. 781 00:45:58,221 --> 00:46:00,746 - I got it. - You got it upside down. 782 00:46:00,890 --> 00:46:01,857 Thank you. 783 00:46:01,991 --> 00:46:03,549 Letters go one way and the numbers another. 784 00:46:03,660 --> 00:46:05,218 Dude, I'm trying to... I got your back, man. 785 00:46:05,328 --> 00:46:07,091 - Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool. - You are? 786 00:46:07,196 --> 00:46:09,061 Is your character dyslexic? 787 00:46:09,165 --> 00:46:10,894 - No, my character's not dyslexic. - So you a cartographer. 788 00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:12,831 I'm tired, I want to go home. 789 00:46:12,936 --> 00:46:15,461 Why, so you can get back and make Fatties: Fart 20, or some shit? 790 00:46:15,572 --> 00:46:18,507 It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no... Hey, you wish you had a Fatties franchise. 791 00:46:18,608 --> 00:46:19,836 - What? - It's Fatties: Fart Two. 792 00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,171 - Yeah, you do. - I don't want no Fatties franchise, 793 00:46:21,277 --> 00:46:23,677 - I got a diamond toilet. - Your stupid-ass commercials. 794 00:46:23,780 --> 00:46:25,247 You're all fucked up, man, you look tired. 795 00:46:25,348 --> 00:46:26,474 You look like you bumped your head or something, 796 00:46:26,583 --> 00:46:28,414 so I came over to see if you're fucking all right, that's all. 797 00:46:28,518 --> 00:46:30,543 - Yeah, why don't you get on point? - I'm on point right here. 798 00:46:30,653 --> 00:46:31,677 ...my farts are fucking more beautiful than... 799 00:46:31,788 --> 00:46:34,348 You still got that shit upside down. 800 00:46:34,958 --> 00:46:36,357 The numbers help, man, the numbers... 801 00:46:36,459 --> 00:46:38,689 The letters go across the top and then the numbers. 802 00:46:38,795 --> 00:46:40,353 - Want the map? - Yeah, I want the fucking map. 803 00:46:40,463 --> 00:46:41,896 Well, you can't have it, 'cause Damien gave it me. 804 00:46:41,998 --> 00:46:45,161 You wish you had my farts, my farts are fucking music. 805 00:46:45,268 --> 00:46:47,634 All right. That's enough. 806 00:46:49,105 --> 00:46:52,836 Everybody's obviously a little bushed from all this humping. 807 00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:55,934 So take a chow break. Chow break! 808 00:46:57,747 --> 00:46:59,305 But stay alert. 809 00:46:59,882 --> 00:47:03,374 Remember, Charlie don't care if you're on break or not. 810 00:47:08,458 --> 00:47:11,393 All right, that's lunch. Coming back to the same scene afterwards, 811 00:47:11,494 --> 00:47:12,859 "Lost in the goddamn jungle." 812 00:47:12,962 --> 00:47:13,929 Captain Simple Jack. 813 00:47:14,931 --> 00:47:15,693 Fuck you. 814 00:47:24,841 --> 00:47:26,399 I fucking hate movies. 815 00:47:28,745 --> 00:47:31,578 This is bullshit. I don't wanna be in this shitty movie. 816 00:47:41,424 --> 00:47:44,188 No! That's my jellybeans! No! 817 00:47:44,293 --> 00:47:48,957 Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit! 818 00:47:49,065 --> 00:47:52,330 - Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut. - You go to hell! There he is. 819 00:47:55,772 --> 00:47:58,707 God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go? 820 00:47:59,676 --> 00:48:01,974 You little piece of shit! I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off! 821 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,106 Sanducci. Hold up, man, keep it on the down-low. 822 00:48:08,518 --> 00:48:10,748 I don't really gotta piss. I'm trying to talk at you, man. 823 00:48:10,853 --> 00:48:12,480 Bait, I need bait. 824 00:48:13,623 --> 00:48:17,320 You went to boot camp, right? You can read a map? 825 00:48:17,427 --> 00:48:18,655 Yeah, I think so. 826 00:48:18,761 --> 00:48:21,457 I know Speedman got everyone convinced we out here 827 00:48:21,564 --> 00:48:25,364 making Planet of the Apes on YouTube or some shit, but I don't buy it. 828 00:48:25,468 --> 00:48:27,936 You wanna step on a real landmine? You wanna die? 829 00:48:28,738 --> 00:48:30,433 You wanna get shot by a real motherfucker? 830 00:48:30,540 --> 00:48:33,703 - Keep looking ahead, man. - No, of course not. 831 00:48:34,110 --> 00:48:36,271 Trying to get home, man. 832 00:48:36,379 --> 00:48:38,040 Got a big job coming up next year. 833 00:48:38,147 --> 00:48:39,580 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 834 00:48:39,682 --> 00:48:42,207 It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth when they were both young. 835 00:48:42,318 --> 00:48:43,410 - Oh, wow! - Yeah. 836 00:48:43,519 --> 00:48:46,010 - That's a classy picture. - Dude, you kind of look like Abe. 837 00:48:46,122 --> 00:48:47,589 Slap a beard on you. 838 00:48:47,690 --> 00:48:49,715 - What's your fucking name? - Really? It's Kevin. 839 00:48:49,826 --> 00:48:51,817 - Kevin Sandusky. - Yeah. 840 00:48:52,495 --> 00:48:56,056 If I can put that map in your hands, can I count on you? 841 00:48:56,466 --> 00:48:59,993 - Well, yeah, I guess you can. - Dynamite. I'm out. 842 00:49:03,673 --> 00:49:06,107 That smelled just like bologna for some reason. 843 00:49:06,209 --> 00:49:08,734 Is anyone gonna fucking help me get this fucking thing? 844 00:49:09,445 --> 00:49:12,005 Why are they even out in the daytime? 845 00:49:14,217 --> 00:49:18,654 I'm gonna level with you, bro. I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you. 846 00:49:24,894 --> 00:49:28,660 Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie. 847 00:49:30,867 --> 00:49:32,596 He's way out on a limb with this character, 848 00:49:32,702 --> 00:49:34,533 and I think he's getting cold feet. 849 00:49:35,838 --> 00:49:38,636 And the men respect you, 'cause you went to boot camp 850 00:49:38,741 --> 00:49:40,368 and rehearsal. 851 00:49:41,410 --> 00:49:43,935 - Can I count on you, Kyle. - It's Kevin. 852 00:49:44,046 --> 00:49:45,104 Good. 853 00:49:46,682 --> 00:49:49,549 If you want I could give the map a look-see. 854 00:49:49,652 --> 00:49:51,813 - I'll handle the map. - Okay. 855 00:49:51,921 --> 00:49:55,152 You stick with the program, we get this movie in the can, 856 00:49:55,258 --> 00:49:58,955 I'm thinking there could be a Teen Choice Award in it for you. 857 00:49:59,061 --> 00:50:03,259 You have that potential. They'll slime you, the whole deal. 858 00:50:03,366 --> 00:50:06,995 - Yeah, that's wicked. - Good. 859 00:50:12,909 --> 00:50:15,002 There it is! Yeah, now you're dead! 860 00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:17,407 You O.D.'d! 861 00:50:18,981 --> 00:50:20,312 Hold up now, Jeff. 862 00:50:22,718 --> 00:50:24,117 Fucking hell! 863 00:50:25,755 --> 00:50:28,815 What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man! 864 00:50:28,925 --> 00:50:31,393 I don't have any more jellybeans. 865 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,797 You land there! 866 00:50:54,717 --> 00:50:57,117 Wow. Look at these ruins. 867 00:50:59,288 --> 00:51:03,725 - Where the hell are we? - D'ang Kwook River. 868 00:51:03,826 --> 00:51:06,192 That so? How do you know that? How you sure? 869 00:51:06,295 --> 00:51:08,490 Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go. 870 00:51:08,598 --> 00:51:13,695 Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. Seriously, my skin hurts! 871 00:51:13,803 --> 00:51:16,237 Enough from the peanut gallery! Into the water, ladies! 872 00:51:16,339 --> 00:51:18,407 No, man. Let me take a look at that map right quick. 873 00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:20,166 Why is everybody all obsessed with the map? 874 00:51:20,276 --> 00:51:22,301 'Cause we're tired of being your trail donkeys! 875 00:51:22,411 --> 00:51:24,811 Acting like you some one-man GPS! 876 00:51:24,914 --> 00:51:28,782 God damn it! We lost! We fucking super lost, man! 877 00:51:28,885 --> 00:51:31,012 Tell him, McClusky. Tell him what time it is. 878 00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:32,678 I don't believe you people. 879 00:51:34,423 --> 00:51:36,118 What do you mean "you people"? 880 00:51:38,794 --> 00:51:41,388 What do you mean, "you people"? 881 00:51:41,497 --> 00:51:43,488 I think what Tugg means is... 882 00:51:43,599 --> 00:51:44,964 No, look at his eyes, man. 883 00:51:45,067 --> 00:51:47,797 ...you people, you actors. You people... - Look at them beady, white devil eyes. 884 00:51:47,904 --> 00:51:49,428 I gotta get back to the hotel, for real! 885 00:51:49,538 --> 00:51:51,506 - Hell, no! - Silence! 886 00:51:52,541 --> 00:51:55,203 Chill! All right? Just chill it. 887 00:51:56,712 --> 00:51:59,909 Now, let's go get those Viet Congs. 888 00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:02,308 - "Viet Cong"! - What? 889 00:52:02,818 --> 00:52:05,844 It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S." It's already plural. 890 00:52:05,955 --> 00:52:07,547 You wouldn't say "Chineses." 891 00:52:08,925 --> 00:52:11,359 All right, that's enough of this insubordination! 892 00:52:11,460 --> 00:52:14,258 If the machine breaks down, we break down. 893 00:52:14,363 --> 00:52:16,888 Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy 894 00:52:16,999 --> 00:52:18,591 and then Rambo II, he got all shredded up? 895 00:52:18,701 --> 00:52:21,568 - Yeah. - That's kind of how you look right now. 896 00:52:21,671 --> 00:52:23,229 - Yeah? - Not Rambo I but II. 897 00:52:23,339 --> 00:52:25,068 - Really? - Yeah, when he was cut up. 898 00:52:25,174 --> 00:52:27,540 I'm not that... I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know... 899 00:52:27,643 --> 00:52:30,339 Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man. 900 00:52:30,446 --> 00:52:31,936 - Thanks. - What's the secret, dude? 901 00:52:32,048 --> 00:52:33,413 - It's a diet. I'm just dieting. - Really? 902 00:52:33,516 --> 00:52:36,508 'Cause I'm trying to come up a little, but it's just... It's tough. 903 00:52:36,619 --> 00:52:38,109 - You look good. - Any tips? 904 00:52:38,220 --> 00:52:39,915 - What? - Any tips, you got? 905 00:52:40,022 --> 00:52:41,148 There's, like, the pineapple... 906 00:52:41,257 --> 00:52:43,555 - Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you! - Hey! 907 00:52:43,659 --> 00:52:45,251 - Hey! - All right, now! 908 00:52:45,361 --> 00:52:47,795 What it is, Sikorski? Tell us where we really at. 909 00:52:47,897 --> 00:52:49,888 That's fucking bullshit! It's a chump move. 910 00:52:50,300 --> 00:52:52,234 We just getting a second opinion, doc. 911 00:52:54,070 --> 00:52:55,332 We're going the wrong way! 912 00:52:55,438 --> 00:52:56,530 - Damn! - Son of a bitch. 913 00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:01,100 God! I think we were supposed to be doing this, 914 00:53:01,211 --> 00:53:04,112 and instead we did this. 915 00:53:04,214 --> 00:53:07,843 Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit! 916 00:53:07,951 --> 00:53:10,476 Think you can get us back to that drop zone, boy? 917 00:53:11,421 --> 00:53:12,820 This is not cool! 918 00:53:15,525 --> 00:53:16,651 Maybe. 919 00:53:18,094 --> 00:53:19,584 This is insane! 920 00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:23,196 Are you really going to abandon this movie? 921 00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:26,195 We're supposed to be a unit! 922 00:53:26,303 --> 00:53:27,827 Suck my unit! 923 00:53:28,705 --> 00:53:30,502 All right, fine. 924 00:53:30,607 --> 00:53:35,510 - I'll finish it by myself. - You go be all you can be, man. 925 00:53:35,612 --> 00:53:37,603 Tugg, you have no idea where you're going! 926 00:53:37,714 --> 00:53:39,511 Yes, I do! 927 00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:44,144 I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk. 928 00:53:44,254 --> 00:53:48,714 "Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks alone through a frightening jungle." 929 00:53:48,825 --> 00:53:50,759 Suck on that unit, Kirk! 930 00:54:04,341 --> 00:54:07,333 Come on, men. Let's get home. 931 00:54:45,515 --> 00:54:50,179 Hello, Mr. Mantis. You're beautiful. 932 00:54:52,455 --> 00:54:54,389 Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo 933 00:54:54,491 --> 00:54:56,220 where Hollywood was split into schisms, 934 00:54:56,326 --> 00:54:59,727 some studios backing Blu-ray Disc, others backing HD DVD. 935 00:54:59,829 --> 00:55:00,921 People thought it would come down to 936 00:55:01,030 --> 00:55:03,294 pixel rate or refresh rate, and they're pretty much the same. 937 00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:07,200 What it came down to was a combination of gamers and porn. 938 00:55:07,303 --> 00:55:09,032 Now, whichever format porno backs 939 00:55:09,139 --> 00:55:12,973 is usually the one that becomes the most successful. 940 00:55:13,076 --> 00:55:16,068 But, you know, Sony, every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it. 941 00:55:16,179 --> 00:55:17,908 You talking to me this whole time? 942 00:55:18,648 --> 00:55:19,945 I was talking to whoever was listening to me. 943 00:55:20,049 --> 00:55:21,516 Jesus Christ, man! 944 00:55:39,936 --> 00:55:41,995 Booty Sweat. 945 00:55:48,044 --> 00:55:49,443 Oh, God! 946 00:55:51,681 --> 00:55:56,243 It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold. 947 00:55:56,352 --> 00:55:58,547 You want my flak jacket? 948 00:55:58,655 --> 00:56:02,523 What, are you insane? It's boiling! It's like a sweat lodge out here! 949 00:56:02,625 --> 00:56:05,458 Keep the volume down on that bitching, Flatch Adams. 950 00:56:05,562 --> 00:56:07,462 I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit! 951 00:56:07,564 --> 00:56:09,532 - How we doing? We making good time? - We're making good time, 952 00:56:09,632 --> 00:56:12,760 but there's no way we make it over that ridge before sundown. 953 00:56:12,869 --> 00:56:15,360 All right, fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up! 954 00:56:15,472 --> 00:56:17,770 - Oh, God. - Y'all might be in for a treat. 955 00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:19,273 You know, back before the war broked out, 956 00:56:19,375 --> 00:56:22,105 I was a saucier in San Antone. 957 00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:24,840 I bet I could collar up some of them greens. 958 00:56:24,948 --> 00:56:29,248 Yeah, noodle some crawfish out the paddy, yo. 959 00:56:29,352 --> 00:56:33,379 And maybe some crab apples for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah! 960 00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:35,986 Hell, yeah! 961 00:56:36,092 --> 00:56:40,290 That's how we all talk. We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh. 962 00:56:40,396 --> 00:56:45,629 Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs. 963 00:56:45,735 --> 00:56:50,604 You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack. 964 00:56:54,844 --> 00:56:57,244 I get excited about my foods, man. 965 00:58:22,865 --> 00:58:25,299 Die! 966 00:58:39,215 --> 00:58:41,308 No! 967 00:58:47,857 --> 00:58:52,157 Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we? 968 00:58:52,261 --> 00:58:54,661 I have no idea. 969 00:58:54,764 --> 00:58:57,324 I've never been outside the States. 970 00:58:57,433 --> 00:58:59,594 Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding me? 971 00:58:59,702 --> 00:59:01,693 Did you make this whole goddamn thing up? 972 00:59:01,804 --> 00:59:03,169 Dude, were you even in the fucking service? 973 00:59:03,272 --> 00:59:05,934 Yes. Of course. Coast Guard. 974 00:59:06,042 --> 00:59:07,942 - Coast Guard. - Sanitation Department. 975 00:59:08,044 --> 00:59:10,740 Oh, my God! You're a fucking garbage man! 976 00:59:10,847 --> 00:59:14,578 Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. Of A. 977 00:59:14,684 --> 00:59:17,346 I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot! 978 00:59:17,453 --> 00:59:19,512 Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, okay? 979 00:59:19,622 --> 00:59:21,317 You lied about fighting the Vietnam War. 980 00:59:21,424 --> 00:59:24,689 It's like punching the American flag in the face, God damn it. 981 00:59:24,794 --> 00:59:26,227 God, and to think I believed in you! 982 00:59:26,329 --> 00:59:28,695 - I don't wanna be next to you. - Writers lie all the time. 983 00:59:28,798 --> 00:59:30,925 Can I be tied to another post? Okay. 984 00:59:52,243 --> 00:59:54,074 - Rick? - Tugg. 985 00:59:54,178 --> 00:59:56,237 I killed one, Rick. 986 00:59:57,381 --> 00:59:59,781 The thing I love most in the world. 987 00:59:59,883 --> 01:00:01,714 Vivica, get off the line now! 988 01:00:04,021 --> 01:00:06,421 A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker. 989 01:00:06,523 --> 01:00:08,582 Calm down. Here's what you're gonna do. 990 01:00:08,692 --> 01:00:09,852 Get your hands on some bleach, 991 01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:12,326 some hydrogen peroxide and a shitload of lime. 992 01:00:12,429 --> 01:00:13,919 No, a panda. 993 01:00:14,031 --> 01:00:15,794 I killed a panda. 994 01:00:15,899 --> 01:00:17,696 Amanda? Come on, dude. 995 01:00:17,801 --> 01:00:19,826 I mean, that's probably not even her real name. 996 01:00:19,937 --> 01:00:21,598 No, a panda! 997 01:00:21,705 --> 01:00:23,070 A panda? 998 01:00:23,173 --> 01:00:25,767 A sweet, cuddly, 999 01:00:25,876 --> 01:00:27,810 vicious little panda. 1000 01:00:27,945 --> 01:00:30,880 Jesus Christ, Tugg! Man, don't scare me like that! 1001 01:00:30,981 --> 01:00:32,141 It's beautiful here. 1002 01:00:32,249 --> 01:00:33,739 You on the set? 1003 01:00:33,851 --> 01:00:35,113 I am the set. 1004 01:00:35,219 --> 01:00:38,188 All right, man. Hey, how's the TiVo working out? 1005 01:00:38,289 --> 01:00:39,517 Screw TiVo. 1006 01:00:39,623 --> 01:00:42,091 I'm way beyond TiVo. 1007 01:00:42,192 --> 01:00:44,285 Last I checked, they hadn't hooked it up, though. 1008 01:00:44,395 --> 01:00:47,694 Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo? 1009 01:00:47,798 --> 01:00:49,629 It doesn't matter anymore. 1010 01:00:52,469 --> 01:00:53,936 I've moved on. 1011 01:00:54,672 --> 01:00:56,401 Where have you moved on to? 1012 01:00:56,507 --> 01:00:57,997 Another agency? 1013 01:00:59,543 --> 01:01:01,067 Who's with you? 1014 01:01:01,178 --> 01:01:03,339 It's Nick Stevens, isn't it? That little fucker. 1015 01:01:03,447 --> 01:01:07,543 You are still my client, Tugg Speedman! I am getting the TiVo! 1016 01:01:07,651 --> 01:01:09,846 Jacket's on, I'm out the door! 1017 01:01:09,953 --> 01:01:11,011 Tugg? 1018 01:01:14,325 --> 01:01:15,622 Please don't fire me. 1019 01:01:16,493 --> 01:01:17,687 I did it, I did it! 1020 01:01:17,795 --> 01:01:20,127 Vivica, what do I have scheduled this afternoon? 1021 01:01:20,230 --> 01:01:23,097 - Two and a Half Men taping. - Shit. 1022 01:01:24,101 --> 01:01:25,125 Cancel it. 1023 01:01:25,235 --> 01:01:26,896 And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder contract. 1024 01:01:27,004 --> 01:01:30,132 I'm going to Grossman's office, I'm playing the card. 1025 01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,207 Okay. 1026 01:01:34,812 --> 01:01:37,713 Oh, mama. Thirsty. 1027 01:01:37,848 --> 01:01:39,907 He doesn't look too good. 1028 01:01:40,017 --> 01:01:45,045 Must drink, so I can throw something up! 1029 01:01:45,155 --> 01:01:47,282 No, no. Don't drink that water! That water's like a petri dish! 1030 01:01:47,391 --> 01:01:48,483 No, don't! 1031 01:01:48,592 --> 01:01:51,117 Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat? 1032 01:01:51,228 --> 01:01:53,594 Yeah, get him chugging on some of Alpa's ass water. 1033 01:01:53,697 --> 01:01:55,631 That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all. 1034 01:01:55,733 --> 01:01:57,633 Man, what you coming out in movies for anyway? 1035 01:01:57,735 --> 01:01:59,396 Did you need another revenue stream? 1036 01:01:59,503 --> 01:02:02,301 For your information, my revenue stream 1037 01:02:02,406 --> 01:02:04,738 currently generates $2 million a year 1038 01:02:04,842 --> 01:02:06,776 in charitable contributions for my community. 1039 01:02:06,877 --> 01:02:09,209 - Hot damn. - And why am I in this movie? 1040 01:02:09,313 --> 01:02:11,645 Maybe I just knew I had to represent, 1041 01:02:11,749 --> 01:02:13,546 because they had one good part in it for a black man 1042 01:02:13,650 --> 01:02:15,709 and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee. 1043 01:02:17,321 --> 01:02:20,882 Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure. 1044 01:02:20,991 --> 01:02:23,118 I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your barbie. 1045 01:02:23,227 --> 01:02:24,353 That shit ain't funny. 1046 01:02:24,461 --> 01:02:27,157 Hey, fellas! It's hot! We're tired! It stinks! 1047 01:02:27,264 --> 01:02:28,822 I'm just fucking with you, Kangaroo Jack! 1048 01:02:28,932 --> 01:02:30,661 I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby. 1049 01:02:30,768 --> 01:02:33,236 You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. 1050 01:02:33,337 --> 01:02:35,999 - You about to cross some fucking lines. - Guys, relax and stuff. 1051 01:02:36,106 --> 01:02:37,164 You know what? Fuck that, man! 1052 01:02:37,274 --> 01:02:39,936 I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger telling me... 1053 01:02:44,681 --> 01:02:46,239 For 400 years, 1054 01:02:47,284 --> 01:02:50,185 that word has kept us down. 1055 01:02:51,255 --> 01:02:52,882 What the fuck? 1056 01:02:52,990 --> 01:02:56,756 It took a whole lot of trying just to get up that hill. 1057 01:02:56,860 --> 01:02:59,761 Now we up in the big leagues, 1058 01:02:59,863 --> 01:03:01,626 getting our turn at bat. 1059 01:03:01,732 --> 01:03:04,394 Long as we live, it's you and me, baby. 1060 01:03:05,068 --> 01:03:08,401 That's the theme song for The Jeffersons. You really need help. 1061 01:03:08,505 --> 01:03:11,633 Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, don't make it not true. 1062 01:03:11,742 --> 01:03:13,676 You know what? I'm gonna tell you what's true. 1063 01:03:13,777 --> 01:03:17,213 I'm gonna tag you back. You better believe that, baby. 1064 01:03:17,314 --> 01:03:19,908 Guys! Hey, guys! 1065 01:03:20,517 --> 01:03:22,985 Jeff, stay away from that animal. 1066 01:03:25,355 --> 01:03:28,188 I'm gonna bite his hide. I need... 1067 01:03:29,226 --> 01:03:32,491 I need to wear his stomach skin like a unitard. 1068 01:03:33,464 --> 01:03:36,763 Ain't nobody doing nothing to no one or body! 1069 01:03:36,867 --> 01:03:41,736 Now, if Mr. Portnoy is feeling a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk, 1070 01:03:41,839 --> 01:03:43,898 put him up on that cloven-hoof animal! 1071 01:03:45,275 --> 01:03:46,572 We got ground to cover! 1072 01:04:15,572 --> 01:04:18,837 All right, POW camp, scene 67. 1073 01:04:19,743 --> 01:04:21,472 Bring it on, Cockburn! 1074 01:04:29,553 --> 01:04:31,987 Maybe he's not, you know, Ridley Scott or something, 1075 01:04:32,089 --> 01:04:33,886 but I think Renny Harlin's a tremendous filmmaker 1076 01:04:33,991 --> 01:04:36,789 like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane, you know, 1077 01:04:36,894 --> 01:04:40,523 as far as an Andrew Dice Clay vehicle goes, it's pretty decent. 1078 01:04:40,631 --> 01:04:43,065 And Cliffhanger. Cliffhanger's incredible. 1079 01:04:43,166 --> 01:04:46,624 As far as the whole like, man against nature type of movies go, 1080 01:04:46,737 --> 01:04:48,898 it's absolutely amazing. 1081 01:04:49,006 --> 01:04:50,906 Shut the fuck up! 1082 01:04:55,546 --> 01:04:57,207 Who send you here? 1083 01:04:57,314 --> 01:05:01,944 Tayback, John, Sergeant, United States Army. 1084 01:05:02,686 --> 01:05:08,090 Serial number 694529987. 1085 01:05:11,895 --> 01:05:14,887 Perhaps some hot tea will make conversing 1086 01:05:14,998 --> 01:05:16,761 a little easier. 1087 01:05:20,537 --> 01:05:22,630 My leader's not quite as cordial. 1088 01:05:26,109 --> 01:05:28,976 Look, what? I just thought you might like some hot tea 1089 01:05:29,079 --> 01:05:32,606 - in order to calm your nerves. - Tayback, John, Sergeant, 1090 01:05:32,749 --> 01:05:37,709 United States Army, 694529987. 1091 01:05:38,555 --> 01:05:44,084 And here's a little message from my Uncle Sam. 1092 01:05:49,733 --> 01:05:52,099 Dude, you all right? 1093 01:05:52,202 --> 01:05:53,635 Man you totally leaned into that. 1094 01:05:53,737 --> 01:05:56,797 I was pulling it back and you just came in too... 1095 01:05:56,907 --> 01:05:59,102 Hey, it was an accident, man. 1096 01:06:01,645 --> 01:06:03,579 Come on, good. You want to keep going? 1097 01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:05,272 - Let's go. - Get up. 1098 01:06:05,382 --> 01:06:06,974 I rather rot in your V.C. Jail! 1099 01:06:07,084 --> 01:06:10,952 I'll never bend to your will! You scum! You scum! 1100 01:06:11,054 --> 01:06:13,079 Now say this and go to the beginning again, 1101 01:06:13,190 --> 01:06:14,953 let's do the tea part, okay? 1102 01:06:16,493 --> 01:06:17,926 Dude, I hope you're not pissed. 1103 01:06:18,261 --> 01:06:20,058 I see moss on both sides of that tree. 1104 01:06:20,163 --> 01:06:23,291 Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't the only one at boot camp... 1105 01:06:23,400 --> 01:06:25,300 My belly really hurts, you guys! 1106 01:06:25,402 --> 01:06:27,597 I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous. 1107 01:06:27,704 --> 01:06:29,934 Let me off, I gotta puke! I don't wanna die like Hendrix! 1108 01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:31,701 All right. All right. 1109 01:06:36,279 --> 01:06:38,270 Are you okay, Jeff? 1110 01:06:38,382 --> 01:06:39,747 I'm awesome. 1111 01:06:42,152 --> 01:06:43,619 Holy shit! 1112 01:06:48,158 --> 01:06:50,319 Okay. Everyone, down, down, down. 1113 01:06:55,032 --> 01:06:56,522 Man. Now I'm tripping. 1114 01:06:56,633 --> 01:06:59,261 That looks like the POW camp from out the script, yo. 1115 01:07:00,137 --> 01:07:01,832 Speedman was right? 1116 01:07:01,938 --> 01:07:03,303 I don't think so. 1117 01:07:03,407 --> 01:07:05,637 Look at the cooking vats, the armed guards. 1118 01:07:07,244 --> 01:07:09,337 Looks like a heroin processing plant. 1119 01:07:10,447 --> 01:07:11,573 We were in that chopper for hours. 1120 01:07:11,682 --> 01:07:13,946 I don't even think we're in Vietnam anymore. 1121 01:07:14,051 --> 01:07:16,485 - Fuck. - Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam? 1122 01:07:16,586 --> 01:07:19,350 No, most likely Myanmar or Laos. 1123 01:07:19,456 --> 01:07:21,014 What the fuck is Laos? 1124 01:07:21,124 --> 01:07:22,284 It's the Golden Triangle. 1125 01:07:22,392 --> 01:07:24,360 Oh, fuck. We're dead. 1126 01:07:24,461 --> 01:07:26,429 No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV. 1127 01:07:26,530 --> 01:07:30,557 Fucking boats, airplanes, UFOs and shit, they all just vanish! 1128 01:07:30,667 --> 01:07:33,192 Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle, dumbass. 1129 01:07:33,303 --> 01:07:35,669 This is the Golden Triangle. 1130 01:07:35,772 --> 01:07:37,330 It's the world's hard drug superhighway. 1131 01:07:37,441 --> 01:07:38,738 How do you know that? 1132 01:07:38,842 --> 01:07:41,572 It was a really long trip. I read the in-flight magazine. 1133 01:07:43,380 --> 01:07:44,677 Cut! 1134 01:07:44,781 --> 01:07:46,248 Oh, Jesus! 1135 01:07:46,349 --> 01:07:48,840 What do you see, man? I'm blocked. 1136 01:07:48,952 --> 01:07:50,317 Damien, cut! 1137 01:07:52,089 --> 01:07:53,681 Hey, Damien, cut! 1138 01:07:54,524 --> 01:07:56,185 They got Speedman. 1139 01:07:56,760 --> 01:07:58,193 And it doesn't look good. 1140 01:08:30,861 --> 01:08:32,158 I am Tran. 1141 01:08:33,130 --> 01:08:35,291 You are a trespasser in my poppy fields. 1142 01:08:36,700 --> 01:08:39,328 You are D.E.A. Scum! 1143 01:08:41,271 --> 01:08:44,707 Were there some re-writes that I missed? 1144 01:08:51,014 --> 01:08:52,504 Do you want to die? 1145 01:08:53,283 --> 01:08:54,750 - Do you? - No! 1146 01:08:54,851 --> 01:08:58,981 Please, don't hurt me! 1147 01:09:06,863 --> 01:09:08,057 Say that again. 1148 01:09:09,065 --> 01:09:10,862 Please, don't hurt me. 1149 01:09:10,967 --> 01:09:14,061 No! Like you did before! Say it! 1150 01:09:15,038 --> 01:09:16,027 Say it! 1151 01:09:16,139 --> 01:09:20,132 Please, don't hurt me! 1152 01:09:35,759 --> 01:09:38,353 - What? - You are Simple Jack. 1153 01:09:41,331 --> 01:09:43,196 You saw Simple Jack? 1154 01:09:43,300 --> 01:09:45,632 We love the tale of this man, Simple Jack. 1155 01:09:47,337 --> 01:09:49,168 We do not have many luxury here. 1156 01:09:49,272 --> 01:09:51,706 And Simple Jack is the only movie we possess. 1157 01:09:51,808 --> 01:09:55,642 You got the VHS. 1158 01:09:55,745 --> 01:09:57,804 We've watched it many, many times. 1159 01:09:57,914 --> 01:10:00,382 You should've got Oscar. 1160 01:10:03,420 --> 01:10:05,183 Well, you know. It's... 1161 01:10:06,456 --> 01:10:07,718 Just to be nominated... 1162 01:10:07,824 --> 01:10:09,052 You were nominated? 1163 01:10:09,159 --> 01:10:10,683 No, no, no. I wasn't nominated. 1164 01:10:10,794 --> 01:10:13,957 I'm just saying that to have been nominated would have been nice. 1165 01:10:14,064 --> 01:10:16,430 It's just... It's very political. You have to take out ads... 1166 01:10:16,533 --> 01:10:19,024 - Shut up now! - Okay. Okay. 1167 01:10:19,870 --> 01:10:21,599 So, are you going to 1168 01:10:23,240 --> 01:10:24,867 let me go, or... 1169 01:10:24,975 --> 01:10:27,102 No. We'll hold you for ransom. 1170 01:10:27,210 --> 01:10:29,007 Much more money now! 1171 01:10:40,590 --> 01:10:41,579 He's in a meeting. 1172 01:10:41,691 --> 01:10:44,455 Yeah, I know. In about two seconds with the Pecker. 1173 01:10:45,495 --> 01:10:47,360 I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off. 1174 01:10:47,464 --> 01:10:50,126 You wanna talk about trouble? That's trouble. 1175 01:10:50,233 --> 01:10:51,791 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1176 01:10:53,703 --> 01:10:55,603 What do you need, Peck? 1177 01:10:55,705 --> 01:10:58,333 No, more like what do you need, Les? 1178 01:10:58,441 --> 01:10:59,635 Glasses? 1179 01:11:00,710 --> 01:11:01,768 What? 1180 01:11:01,878 --> 01:11:04,369 So you can read the Tropic Thunder contract 1181 01:11:04,481 --> 01:11:06,881 that guarantees my client, Tugg Speedman, 1182 01:11:06,983 --> 01:11:10,714 some form of digital video recorder on location. 1183 01:11:11,488 --> 01:11:13,615 - Huh? - I can't believe you let him in. 1184 01:11:15,258 --> 01:11:18,091 Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy, so why don't you get the hell out of here 1185 01:11:18,194 --> 01:11:21,254 before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass? 1186 01:11:21,364 --> 01:11:23,389 No, not you, Helen. 1187 01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:27,197 But I will rip your tits off if you don't get me those theaters. 1188 01:11:27,304 --> 01:11:28,828 Perfect. 1189 01:11:28,939 --> 01:11:31,373 Hey, Tuggernuts, I've got you on speakerphone. 1190 01:11:31,474 --> 01:11:33,339 I'm standing here with Les Grossman, 1191 01:11:33,443 --> 01:11:36,606 and he is dying to tell you why he's apparently wiped his ass 1192 01:11:36,713 --> 01:11:39,011 with the TiVo clause from your contract. 1193 01:11:40,216 --> 01:11:42,207 We are Flaming Dragon. 1194 01:11:42,319 --> 01:11:44,685 Speedman is with us now. 1195 01:11:44,788 --> 01:11:48,349 For 50 million, you will get him back. 1196 01:11:48,458 --> 01:11:50,619 - Are you gonna get those... - Who is this? 1197 01:11:50,727 --> 01:11:53,423 - And how did you get this phone? - We are Flaming Dragon! 1198 01:11:53,530 --> 01:11:55,430 Simple Jack belong to us now. 1199 01:11:58,168 --> 01:12:00,193 He does, does he? 1200 01:12:00,303 --> 01:12:02,771 Let me tell you something, shitbird. 1201 01:12:02,872 --> 01:12:05,306 I've never even heard of your little agency. 1202 01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:07,376 But if you think you can poach my client... 1203 01:12:07,477 --> 01:12:12,005 Send $50 million, or you no see Simple Jack again because we kill him. 1204 01:12:12,115 --> 01:12:13,605 This is Les Grossman. Who is this? 1205 01:12:13,717 --> 01:12:16,015 This is Flaming Dragon! 1206 01:12:16,119 --> 01:12:18,883 Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. 1207 01:12:18,989 --> 01:12:23,824 First, take a big step back and literally fuck your own face! 1208 01:12:25,195 --> 01:12:27,925 Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play 1209 01:12:28,031 --> 01:12:30,499 you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. 1210 01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:31,897 So whatever you're thinking, you better think again. 1211 01:12:32,002 --> 01:12:33,367 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to head down there, 1212 01:12:33,470 --> 01:12:36,837 and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. 1213 01:12:36,940 --> 01:12:38,567 You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations 1214 01:12:38,675 --> 01:12:42,702 and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. 1215 01:12:42,812 --> 01:12:45,406 I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! 1216 01:12:45,515 --> 01:12:47,278 I will massacre you! 1217 01:12:47,384 --> 01:12:49,318 I will fuck you up! 1218 01:12:57,127 --> 01:12:58,856 - Could you find out who that was? Go. - Yeah. Yeah. 1219 01:13:34,297 --> 01:13:37,289 You wear these. More like Simple Jack teeth. 1220 01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:39,129 Okay. 1221 01:13:39,235 --> 01:13:41,897 Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan, and that's great... 1222 01:13:44,974 --> 01:13:46,601 Put teeth in! 1223 01:13:53,716 --> 01:13:55,581 Now do movie. 1224 01:13:55,685 --> 01:13:57,346 The whole movie? 1225 01:13:57,454 --> 01:13:59,115 I can't. I don't know the whole... 1226 01:13:59,222 --> 01:14:01,713 You perform! You perform or die! 1227 01:14:02,459 --> 01:14:03,949 Monkey swine! 1228 01:14:06,863 --> 01:14:08,262 Pa. 1229 01:14:10,233 --> 01:14:11,598 More stupid! 1230 01:14:13,369 --> 01:14:18,432 Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad? 1231 01:14:20,877 --> 01:14:22,208 You saw what I saw. 1232 01:14:22,312 --> 01:14:24,906 Tugg Speedman is dead meat if we don't do something soon. 1233 01:14:25,014 --> 01:14:27,380 Yeah. We could do something by getting our asses back to the hotel, 1234 01:14:27,484 --> 01:14:28,815 which is in the other direction! 1235 01:14:28,918 --> 01:14:30,510 Ain't right. 1236 01:14:30,620 --> 01:14:32,645 What would've happened in The Great Escape 1237 01:14:32,755 --> 01:14:36,589 if Steve McQueen and them dudes had turned tail and ran? 1238 01:14:36,693 --> 01:14:40,686 Well, that's what that movie was about. They were escaping. They ran away. 1239 01:14:40,797 --> 01:14:43,425 I'm trying to agree with you. The point is they did something. 1240 01:14:43,533 --> 01:14:44,727 Then what are we supposed to do, huh? 1241 01:14:44,834 --> 01:14:48,736 'Cause he's cleaning a gun with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan. 1242 01:14:48,838 --> 01:14:52,968 I'm just like a little boy, playing with his dick when he's nervous. 1243 01:14:56,179 --> 01:14:58,670 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 1244 01:14:58,781 --> 01:15:01,841 I got an idea. This might be a little crazy. 1245 01:15:01,951 --> 01:15:03,919 Crazy's better than nothing. 1246 01:15:04,020 --> 01:15:07,979 Back in '98, I did a low-budget titty comedy for Skinemax. 1247 01:15:08,091 --> 01:15:11,424 - Sex Camp. Remember it? - Yeah. 1248 01:15:11,528 --> 01:15:15,487 Anyway, me and the campers from the uncool camp 1249 01:15:15,598 --> 01:15:18,123 had to break into the rich girl camp. 1250 01:15:18,234 --> 01:15:19,929 So, what we did, 1251 01:15:20,036 --> 01:15:23,028 we built a catapult out of logs and underwear, 1252 01:15:23,139 --> 01:15:26,700 and they shot us over the wall, and we parachuted down. 1253 01:15:32,315 --> 01:15:33,680 Look, 1254 01:15:33,783 --> 01:15:35,842 you guys, we already know the plan. 1255 01:15:35,952 --> 01:15:37,920 Are you fucking kidding me? I'm giving you gold. 1256 01:15:38,021 --> 01:15:42,390 We do it just like in the book, Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive. 1257 01:15:42,492 --> 01:15:44,892 The book of Tropic Thunder. 1258 01:15:44,994 --> 01:15:47,224 Yeah, did you guys read the book? 1259 01:15:48,531 --> 01:15:51,159 The flap, I read the back flap and saw the pictures. 1260 01:15:51,935 --> 01:15:55,063 Well, it's okay. It's exactly the same as in the script. 1261 01:15:55,171 --> 01:15:56,229 Cool. 1262 01:15:58,208 --> 01:16:00,768 You guys all read the script, right? 1263 01:16:00,877 --> 01:16:02,970 I don't read the script, script reads me. 1264 01:16:04,147 --> 01:16:05,614 What the hell does that even mean? 1265 01:16:05,715 --> 01:16:09,082 What you getting at with the books, scripts? Spit that shit out, man! 1266 01:16:12,422 --> 01:16:14,253 All right. The Wet Offensive. 1267 01:16:15,291 --> 01:16:17,727 Osiris and Fats go undercover as a diversion. 1268 01:16:17,727 --> 01:16:18,193 Osiris and Fats go undercover as a diversion. 1269 01:16:18,294 --> 01:16:20,626 Motown and Brooklyn sneak in via the river. 1270 01:16:20,730 --> 01:16:23,130 Yeah. But those dudes was trained soldiers. 1271 01:16:25,001 --> 01:16:26,059 Yeah! 1272 01:16:27,136 --> 01:16:30,128 And we trained actors, motherfucker. 1273 01:16:30,240 --> 01:16:34,574 Time to man up. And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. 1274 01:16:34,677 --> 01:16:37,441 Some of us might not even make it back. 1275 01:16:37,547 --> 01:16:40,641 What do you mean? Like not on the same flight? 1276 01:16:43,353 --> 01:16:46,117 Alpa and I's already wearing earth mama's natural night camo. 1277 01:16:46,222 --> 01:16:48,053 - Cool it, Benson. - Sorry. 1278 01:16:49,125 --> 01:16:53,653 We gonna scout, get a plan together. We ain't back in 20, come looking. 1279 01:16:55,164 --> 01:16:57,029 We are Flaming Dragon. 1280 01:17:00,770 --> 01:17:01,964 Okay. 1281 01:17:03,273 --> 01:17:06,367 Flaming Dragon's a heroin manufacturer. 1282 01:17:06,476 --> 01:17:09,570 They're responsible for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia. 1283 01:17:09,679 --> 01:17:12,910 - Huge profit margin. - Guys! 1284 01:17:13,016 --> 01:17:15,951 Would somebody please let me know what the game plan is? 1285 01:17:16,052 --> 01:17:17,781 Peck! We have it handled. 1286 01:17:17,887 --> 01:17:20,378 Please, don't interrupt. Everything's under control. 1287 01:17:20,490 --> 01:17:22,481 I got it. Got it. 1288 01:17:34,604 --> 01:17:36,834 - Les Grossman. - We not get money yet. 1289 01:17:37,373 --> 01:17:39,500 Price now 100 million! 1290 01:17:39,609 --> 01:17:42,442 You pay now, or tomorrow Simple Jack die. 1291 01:17:42,545 --> 01:17:45,605 Great. Let me get this down. 1292 01:17:45,715 --> 01:17:47,148 100 million. 1293 01:17:47,250 --> 01:17:49,718 Wait! I got a better idea. 1294 01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:52,351 Instead of 100 million, 1295 01:17:52,455 --> 01:17:55,322 how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese? 1296 01:17:55,425 --> 01:17:57,723 Then you kill him! Do your thing! Skin the fucking bastard! 1297 01:17:57,827 --> 01:18:00,022 Go to town, man! Go to town! 1298 01:18:00,129 --> 01:18:02,290 - No... - In the meantime, and as usual, 1299 01:18:02,398 --> 01:18:04,059 go fuck yourself! 1300 01:18:05,168 --> 01:18:07,728 - No. - We don't negotiate with terrorists. 1301 01:18:09,839 --> 01:18:12,569 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, are you insane? 1302 01:18:12,675 --> 01:18:14,506 - I think I could've done that better. - I thought it was good. 1303 01:18:14,610 --> 01:18:16,475 They're gonna kill him! 1304 01:18:19,549 --> 01:18:20,607 And? 1305 01:18:22,952 --> 01:18:24,078 "And?" 1306 01:18:25,455 --> 01:18:29,482 It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens. 1307 01:18:31,794 --> 01:18:34,991 We'll weep for him, in the press. 1308 01:18:35,131 --> 01:18:37,793 Set up a scholarship in his name. 1309 01:18:37,900 --> 01:18:41,836 Eventually, and I'm talking way, way down the road, 1310 01:18:41,938 --> 01:18:43,428 we file an insurance claim. 1311 01:18:43,539 --> 01:18:46,337 Preferably before the end of the fiscal year. 1312 01:18:46,442 --> 01:18:50,173 Actually, the claim alone would net us more than the movie would lose. 1313 01:18:52,281 --> 01:18:54,044 You can't be serious. 1314 01:18:55,284 --> 01:18:56,842 You kick in the door to my house, 1315 01:18:56,953 --> 01:19:02,414 all ants in your pants, sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap 1316 01:19:02,525 --> 01:19:07,121 for the third runner-up Sexiest Man Alive 1998, 1317 01:19:07,230 --> 01:19:09,596 and you're asking if I'm serious? 1318 01:19:13,469 --> 01:19:15,164 Let's face it. 1319 01:19:15,271 --> 01:19:19,298 The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher for Purim anymore. 1320 01:19:20,710 --> 01:19:23,702 Speedman is a dying star, 1321 01:19:23,813 --> 01:19:27,044 a white dwarf heading for a black hole. 1322 01:19:27,150 --> 01:19:29,880 That's physics. It's inevitable. 1323 01:19:29,986 --> 01:19:33,319 We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, Peck. 1324 01:19:33,423 --> 01:19:37,257 The universe is talking to us right now. 1325 01:19:37,360 --> 01:19:38,918 You just gotta listen. 1326 01:19:52,041 --> 01:19:55,636 See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun. 1327 01:19:55,745 --> 01:19:56,837 Yeah. 1328 01:19:56,946 --> 01:20:00,109 Ask and you shall receive. 1329 01:20:01,150 --> 01:20:05,280 - All right. - You play ball, we play ball. 1330 01:20:05,388 --> 01:20:08,755 I know you want the goodies. 1331 01:20:08,858 --> 01:20:10,849 Welcome to the goody room. 1332 01:20:10,960 --> 01:20:15,590 You paying attention? 'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker. 1333 01:20:15,698 --> 01:20:16,960 That's how you're gonna roll. 1334 01:20:17,066 --> 01:20:21,025 No more frequent flier bitch miles for my boy. 1335 01:20:21,137 --> 01:20:22,434 Yeah! 1336 01:20:22,939 --> 01:20:24,201 Playa. 1337 01:20:25,074 --> 01:20:26,405 Playa! 1338 01:20:27,443 --> 01:20:28,740 Big dick playa. 1339 01:20:28,845 --> 01:20:30,836 Swinging past your knees! 1340 01:20:30,947 --> 01:20:31,971 Big dick, baby. 1341 01:20:32,081 --> 01:20:33,275 Yep. 1342 01:20:36,619 --> 01:20:39,213 Or you can grow a conscience 1343 01:20:39,322 --> 01:20:41,688 in the next five minutes and see where that takes you. 1344 01:20:46,662 --> 01:20:48,755 Let me get this straight. 1345 01:20:48,865 --> 01:20:52,494 You want me to let my client of 15 years, 1346 01:20:52,602 --> 01:20:53,967 one of my best friends, 1347 01:20:54,070 --> 01:20:58,700 die in the jungle, alone, for some money and a G5? 1348 01:20:59,842 --> 01:21:00,968 Yes. 1349 01:21:06,048 --> 01:21:08,312 A G5 airplane? 1350 01:21:10,419 --> 01:21:11,477 Yes. 1351 01:21:12,555 --> 01:21:15,251 And lots of money. 1352 01:21:16,626 --> 01:21:18,787 Playa. 1353 01:21:21,697 --> 01:21:22,891 Yeah! 1354 01:21:24,133 --> 01:21:26,727 Smack it up, flip it, rub it down! 1355 01:21:29,305 --> 01:21:31,967 But Mama take care of Jack a lot. 1356 01:21:32,808 --> 01:21:36,539 How many more sleeps before she wakes up again? 1357 01:21:36,646 --> 01:21:38,170 Sorry, Jack. 1358 01:21:38,281 --> 01:21:40,545 She in heaven now. 1359 01:21:41,317 --> 01:21:44,582 Damn! I thought the movie was bad. 1360 01:21:44,687 --> 01:21:47,815 She sleep forever. 1361 01:21:47,924 --> 01:21:51,052 To the man's credit, he's actually eased up on the retard throttle. 1362 01:21:51,160 --> 01:21:54,755 And now that's added a balance, and the audience can connect. 1363 01:21:54,864 --> 01:21:58,664 I mean, this is Theater 101, but, you know, he's had a tough road. 1364 01:21:58,768 --> 01:21:59,894 He'll become a naturalist. 1365 01:22:00,002 --> 01:22:01,697 - Yeah. - Break down the aesthetic distance, 1366 01:22:01,804 --> 01:22:03,533 then the... 1367 01:22:06,208 --> 01:22:07,835 Told you I'd tag you back. 1368 01:22:10,513 --> 01:22:12,777 Can I tell you that I'm sorry 1369 01:22:12,882 --> 01:22:15,180 for any offense I might've caused, man? 1370 01:22:15,284 --> 01:22:17,650 - I just got caught up in... - In being a dumbass? 1371 01:22:17,753 --> 01:22:19,152 I guess so. 1372 01:22:19,255 --> 01:22:21,951 Why you still doing this Chicken George shit, I have no idea. 1373 01:22:22,058 --> 01:22:23,355 - Neither do I. - It's beyond me. 1374 01:22:23,459 --> 01:22:25,654 - It's beyond me. - You confused. 1375 01:22:25,761 --> 01:22:27,695 - I am a little confused. - I know. 1376 01:22:29,298 --> 01:22:31,095 But are we cool? 1377 01:22:31,200 --> 01:22:32,531 Not really. 1378 01:22:36,339 --> 01:22:37,931 Hey, man. 1379 01:22:38,040 --> 01:22:39,735 - How's it going? - Good. Yourself? 1380 01:22:39,842 --> 01:22:41,867 Hey, so, if it's no big deal, 1381 01:22:41,978 --> 01:22:44,845 I think I'm just gonna hang back here for the mission. 1382 01:22:44,947 --> 01:22:46,574 Watch the stuff. 1383 01:22:46,682 --> 01:22:48,707 - Is that cool? - What? No! 1384 01:22:48,818 --> 01:22:50,718 We need you, Jeff. 1385 01:22:50,820 --> 01:22:52,412 What are you talking about? 1386 01:22:52,521 --> 01:22:54,079 Okay, look, man. 1387 01:22:55,324 --> 01:22:57,622 - I got something to tell you. - Okay. 1388 01:22:59,862 --> 01:23:02,592 You know those jellybeans I was eating? 1389 01:23:02,698 --> 01:23:05,792 Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay? 1390 01:23:06,702 --> 01:23:09,500 - They were drugs. - Really? 1391 01:23:09,605 --> 01:23:13,974 I get down there near the mother lode, I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man. 1392 01:23:14,076 --> 01:23:17,011 I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin in the fucking world. 1393 01:23:20,316 --> 01:23:24,480 If you guys wanna make it through this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree. 1394 01:23:25,855 --> 01:23:29,621 - Are you serious? - Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree. 1395 01:23:29,725 --> 01:23:32,592 And you can, no matter what, you can't fucking untie me until it is done, 1396 01:23:32,695 --> 01:23:34,253 until it is out of my system. 1397 01:23:34,363 --> 01:23:35,990 I'm gonna say, "Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool. 1398 01:23:36,098 --> 01:23:37,656 "I'm finally better. I'm finally better. Untie me." 1399 01:23:37,767 --> 01:23:40,964 Don't listen to me! Anything I fucking say is a lie! 1400 01:23:41,070 --> 01:23:42,401 You got it! 1401 01:23:43,072 --> 01:23:45,131 Goodbye, Mama! 1402 01:23:45,241 --> 01:23:48,369 Now you can have ice cream in heaven. 1403 01:23:48,477 --> 01:23:53,437 I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed, in my head movies. 1404 01:23:54,383 --> 01:23:58,979 But this head movie makes my eyes rain. 1405 01:24:08,030 --> 01:24:11,261 Dang. Short-bus is taking some real hits. 1406 01:24:13,135 --> 01:24:15,933 - They got him on the move! - That's torture, man. 1407 01:24:16,072 --> 01:24:18,939 Okay. That's where they keeping him. 1408 01:24:19,041 --> 01:24:21,236 I gotta get cracking on my costume. 1409 01:24:21,343 --> 01:24:22,742 Say, are you good with a needle and thread? 1410 01:24:22,845 --> 01:24:23,869 Hell, yeah. 1411 01:24:23,979 --> 01:24:27,312 Alpa Chino chinos sold more than five million pairs last spring at the Gap. 1412 01:24:27,416 --> 01:24:30,112 - I sewed them patterns myself, baby. - Let's roll out. 1413 01:25:02,118 --> 01:25:04,348 It's a little twig man Oscar. 1414 01:25:10,960 --> 01:25:13,360 I'm going to call you Half Squat. 1415 01:25:15,064 --> 01:25:17,032 And you can call me 1416 01:25:18,100 --> 01:25:19,397 Papa. 1417 01:25:42,892 --> 01:25:44,621 Wow, look at all those stars. 1418 01:25:46,595 --> 01:25:48,563 Really makes a guy feel pretty small. 1419 01:25:50,099 --> 01:25:52,659 This could be the last time we look at these stars. 1420 01:25:53,636 --> 01:25:55,103 Man, that's beauty. 1421 01:25:57,039 --> 01:26:00,099 Nights like tonight make a man wonder what it's all about. 1422 01:26:00,209 --> 01:26:02,507 Hey, you guys. Anybody got some bug spray? 1423 01:26:04,346 --> 01:26:05,472 Don't ignore me! 1424 01:26:05,581 --> 01:26:08,448 Stick it out, man. We're gonna get through this. 1425 01:26:09,585 --> 01:26:11,644 - Hey, Kirk? - Yeah? 1426 01:26:11,754 --> 01:26:14,587 Are you still dating Jennifer Love Hewitt? 1427 01:26:14,690 --> 01:26:16,089 'Cause I think she's hot. 1428 01:26:16,192 --> 01:26:19,559 No, that was just some tabloid conjecture. 1429 01:26:19,662 --> 01:26:23,655 Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through. You can untie me now. 1430 01:26:24,733 --> 01:26:26,064 Funny, huh? 1431 01:26:26,168 --> 01:26:29,069 The circus life 280 days a year on location. 1432 01:26:30,306 --> 01:26:33,207 It's hard to find a girl that can hang with that, you know? 1433 01:26:35,010 --> 01:26:37,069 Not one worth keeping, nohow. 1434 01:26:37,179 --> 01:26:39,477 Hey, Radar? Evans? 1435 01:26:39,582 --> 01:26:40,640 No, it's Kevin. 1436 01:26:40,749 --> 01:26:42,478 Kev, whatever the fuck. Come over here. 1437 01:26:42,585 --> 01:26:44,815 I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three is coming down the pike, 1438 01:26:44,920 --> 01:26:48,412 and there's a role in there for you if you come over and untie me. 1439 01:26:48,524 --> 01:26:51,084 Jeff, you're just going to have to tough it out. 1440 01:26:51,193 --> 01:26:53,161 Your mother's a cankerous whore! 1441 01:26:53,262 --> 01:26:54,593 Jesus, man. 1442 01:26:55,631 --> 01:26:57,098 Hey, man. 1443 01:26:57,199 --> 01:27:00,100 Remember way back when I said your mother was a cankerous whore? 1444 01:27:00,202 --> 01:27:03,603 I'm sorry, man. I did not mean that. She's not. 1445 01:27:03,706 --> 01:27:05,401 How about you, man? 1446 01:27:05,541 --> 01:27:07,975 You got some little minx waiting for you on the other side of tomorrow? 1447 01:27:08,077 --> 01:27:09,544 Me? 1448 01:27:09,645 --> 01:27:12,409 I've barely even had a girlfriend, and... 1449 01:27:13,249 --> 01:27:16,912 I was really hoping I'd get laid when this movie came out, 1450 01:27:17,019 --> 01:27:19,419 but that's not gonna happen. 1451 01:27:20,289 --> 01:27:21,756 What about you, Masterblaster? 1452 01:27:21,857 --> 01:27:24,485 You got a certain someone you trying to get with back in the States? 1453 01:27:24,593 --> 01:27:29,326 What, Alpa Chino? He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7. 1454 01:27:29,431 --> 01:27:30,659 No. You missing me, man. 1455 01:27:30,766 --> 01:27:32,563 I'm talking about something special. Big difference. 1456 01:27:32,668 --> 01:27:33,862 How about it? 1457 01:27:34,637 --> 01:27:35,763 Yeah. 1458 01:27:37,172 --> 01:27:39,140 Yeah, there is. 1459 01:27:39,241 --> 01:27:42,574 Well? What's the skinny? Y'all been on a date or what? 1460 01:27:42,678 --> 01:27:44,578 No. I mean... 1461 01:27:44,680 --> 01:27:49,515 I always wanted to, but I guess I just never had the courage to ask. 1462 01:27:49,618 --> 01:27:51,313 It's... It's complicated. 1463 01:27:51,420 --> 01:27:53,854 No! It's simple as pie, man. 1464 01:27:53,956 --> 01:27:56,550 You plant your feet in the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say, 1465 01:27:56,659 --> 01:28:00,288 "Hey, baby, you and me's going on a date." That's the end of story. 1466 01:28:00,396 --> 01:28:03,092 - What's her name? - Lance. 1467 01:28:03,198 --> 01:28:04,961 "Listen here, Lance..." 1468 01:28:05,834 --> 01:28:09,634 Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance? 1469 01:28:09,738 --> 01:28:11,467 - Did you say "Lance"? - No! 1470 01:28:11,573 --> 01:28:13,507 - That sounded like "Lance." - No, I said "Nance." 1471 01:28:13,609 --> 01:28:15,770 - That's what I said, "Nance." - It sounded like "Lance." 1472 01:28:15,878 --> 01:28:17,402 Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay? 1473 01:28:17,513 --> 01:28:19,174 I love the pussy! All right? 1474 01:28:19,281 --> 01:28:21,181 Lay your ass back down and look at the stars. 1475 01:28:21,317 --> 01:28:22,648 When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy 1476 01:28:22,751 --> 01:28:26,118 was you thinking of dangling your dice on Lance's forehead? 1477 01:28:26,221 --> 01:28:28,587 Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look. 1478 01:28:28,691 --> 01:28:31,626 - Man, everyone's gay once in a while. - I'm not gay! 1479 01:28:31,727 --> 01:28:32,751 This Hollywood. 1480 01:28:32,861 --> 01:28:33,919 How about we all get back to work? 1481 01:28:34,029 --> 01:28:35,690 - Okay. Cool. - This is ridiculous! 1482 01:28:35,798 --> 01:28:38,699 We got a big day tomorrow. Let's get focused. 1483 01:28:41,270 --> 01:28:46,105 Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick right now. 1484 01:28:46,208 --> 01:28:49,439 I told you, for the last time, I love the pussy! 1485 01:28:50,813 --> 01:28:53,646 I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, 1486 01:28:53,749 --> 01:28:56,843 work the pipe and swallow the gravy. 1487 01:28:56,952 --> 01:28:59,011 Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this. 1488 01:29:05,594 --> 01:29:06,652 Okay, so, what's the plan? 1489 01:29:06,762 --> 01:29:08,161 Are you gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes? 1490 01:29:08,263 --> 01:29:10,026 No. No. Mandarin Chinese. 1491 01:29:10,132 --> 01:29:11,827 Which, from what I can tell, is what they speaking down there. 1492 01:29:11,934 --> 01:29:13,492 How the hell do you know Chinese? 1493 01:29:13,602 --> 01:29:17,060 Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. 1494 01:29:17,172 --> 01:29:21,131 Prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months. 1495 01:29:21,243 --> 01:29:23,177 That might be our ride. 1496 01:29:39,928 --> 01:29:41,156 The straps are too tight! 1497 01:29:41,263 --> 01:29:43,629 Shut your mouth and follow my lead. 1498 01:30:11,527 --> 01:30:14,496 The straps are cutting off my circulation! 1499 01:30:14,596 --> 01:30:15,563 Fuck you! 1500 01:30:23,072 --> 01:30:25,973 Not the fucking bull again. Fucking asshole. 1501 01:31:20,028 --> 01:31:22,724 Laz, don't let him take me off the yak. 1502 01:31:27,236 --> 01:31:29,500 Bitch whore! Fucking hate you! 1503 01:31:39,648 --> 01:31:40,842 Okay. 1504 01:31:43,051 --> 01:31:44,609 All right. 1505 01:31:44,720 --> 01:31:47,120 That looks like it could be the munitions hut right there. 1506 01:31:47,222 --> 01:31:49,281 I'm gonna try to find Speedman in the main building. 1507 01:32:07,176 --> 01:32:10,873 I don't know Chinese but it sounds like your improvising is for shit. 1508 01:32:10,979 --> 01:32:12,105 Oh, fuck! 1509 01:32:27,629 --> 01:32:29,221 Get over here! 1510 01:32:30,599 --> 01:32:32,157 - What are you guys doing here? - He has hands. 1511 01:32:32,267 --> 01:32:34,667 - He killed Damien. - Bullshit! 1512 01:32:34,770 --> 01:32:37,261 - He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis. - Almost! 1513 01:32:37,372 --> 01:32:40,569 What are you talking about? Damien stepped on a old landmine. 1514 01:32:40,676 --> 01:32:42,234 Sweet. Thank God. 1515 01:32:42,344 --> 01:32:44,539 - We busting Speedman out. - Speedman's here? 1516 01:33:12,708 --> 01:33:15,302 I take it y'all are doing the Wet Offensive from the book. 1517 01:33:15,410 --> 01:33:16,672 I can give y'all a diversion. 1518 01:33:16,778 --> 01:33:20,714 I got enough shit here to light this place up like it's the Fourth of fucking July. 1519 01:34:02,190 --> 01:34:04,658 Yes, your farm. 1520 01:34:09,031 --> 01:34:11,431 Where is your farm, 1521 01:34:13,001 --> 01:34:14,468 American? 1522 01:34:17,306 --> 01:34:18,568 My farm? 1523 01:34:20,509 --> 01:34:21,771 Oh, shit. 1524 01:34:22,544 --> 01:34:25,741 Here's my motherfucking farm! 1525 01:34:25,847 --> 01:34:27,337 Yeah! 1526 01:34:32,287 --> 01:34:35,279 Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby! 1527 01:34:36,291 --> 01:34:37,485 Kwan-Lo! 1528 01:34:38,994 --> 01:34:40,894 I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker! 1529 01:34:41,396 --> 01:34:42,556 Yeah! 1530 01:34:44,132 --> 01:34:47,329 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keep your head down! 1531 01:34:47,436 --> 01:34:49,700 Keep your head down on the ground! 1532 01:34:49,805 --> 01:34:51,966 Nobody move or I do the little big guy! 1533 01:34:52,074 --> 01:34:55,510 That's right, we running this program now, J.P. 1534 01:34:55,610 --> 01:34:58,238 Now show me where the drugs are. 1535 01:34:58,347 --> 01:35:00,144 What the fuck? 1536 01:35:00,248 --> 01:35:01,943 That ain't the plan! 1537 01:35:02,050 --> 01:35:03,745 Don't judge me! 1538 01:35:07,422 --> 01:35:09,185 He's got a real serious problem. 1539 01:35:09,991 --> 01:35:12,255 Hey! Hey, you! 1540 01:35:12,361 --> 01:35:14,556 Take off your clothes! 1541 01:35:14,663 --> 01:35:16,324 Take off your clothes! 1542 01:35:16,431 --> 01:35:17,728 What do we do now? 1543 01:35:17,833 --> 01:35:19,664 Stick with the plan. Find Speedman. 1544 01:35:19,768 --> 01:35:22,168 Alpa, keep this clown posse down. Come on now. 1545 01:35:22,270 --> 01:35:25,637 Y'all heard the man. Be suede, don't move! 1546 01:35:25,741 --> 01:35:27,641 Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag. 1547 01:35:27,743 --> 01:35:30,234 - Door! - One, two, three! 1548 01:35:43,525 --> 01:35:45,356 I go high, you go low. 1549 01:35:49,731 --> 01:35:53,599 Get down. Get down! Get down! Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down! 1550 01:35:53,702 --> 01:35:57,001 If I see one more head pop up, it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole. 1551 01:35:58,573 --> 01:36:00,006 Come on, come on! 1552 01:36:00,108 --> 01:36:02,099 - Smoke grenade. - Don't drop it now. 1553 01:36:02,778 --> 01:36:04,336 Here. 1554 01:36:04,446 --> 01:36:06,548 - What's this? - I don't know what it's called. 1555 01:36:06,548 --> 01:36:06,843 - What's this? - I don't know what it's called. 1556 01:36:06,948 --> 01:36:09,542 I just know the sound it makes when it lies. 1557 01:36:09,651 --> 01:36:13,178 Don't move, Matchbox, or I will shoot you. 1558 01:36:13,288 --> 01:36:16,155 I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move. 1559 01:36:16,258 --> 01:36:17,987 I can still see you. 1560 01:36:24,132 --> 01:36:25,224 Tugg! 1561 01:36:27,769 --> 01:36:28,929 Tugg? 1562 01:36:31,006 --> 01:36:32,200 Gotcha. 1563 01:36:33,375 --> 01:36:36,276 Roll your shit up, man. We going home. 1564 01:36:36,378 --> 01:36:37,504 Home? 1565 01:36:39,648 --> 01:36:43,482 But I'm doing five shows a day for a standing-room-only crowd. 1566 01:36:43,585 --> 01:36:46,145 Don't you get it? I already am home. 1567 01:36:48,457 --> 01:36:51,585 All right, now, dude, you gotta get it... 1568 01:36:51,693 --> 01:36:53,888 My son gave this to me. 1569 01:36:53,995 --> 01:36:57,487 - That's your stick buddy? - His name is Twigman. 1570 01:36:57,599 --> 01:36:59,430 Does he wanna come with us? 1571 01:37:20,422 --> 01:37:22,549 Get down! Get down! Get down! 1572 01:37:22,657 --> 01:37:27,617 Maybe y'all heard of me. Y'all heard of Alpa Chino? No? 1573 01:37:27,729 --> 01:37:30,197 I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah 1574 01:37:30,298 --> 01:37:31,424 They're not your demo, dude. 1575 01:37:31,900 --> 01:37:34,300 Come on. Six motherfucking VMAs, baby. 1576 01:37:34,402 --> 01:37:37,599 Two BET Awards. Alpa Chino. 1577 01:37:37,706 --> 01:37:44,111 Like him in Carlito's Way? 1578 01:37:44,479 --> 01:37:47,141 Hey, yo, you know what? Speak English. I don't speak that stuff. 1579 01:37:47,249 --> 01:37:49,183 What're you sayin'? Huh? 1580 01:37:49,284 --> 01:37:53,846 Devil's Advocate. Dog Day Afternoon. 1581 01:37:54,222 --> 01:37:57,055 Cruising. Sea of Love. 1582 01:37:57,158 --> 01:38:00,150 Real Al Pacino. 1583 01:38:00,262 --> 01:38:03,857 Get the fuck down. That's a whole different dude altogether. 1584 01:38:03,965 --> 01:38:07,025 What you doing? What you doing? Don't touch that gun. 1585 01:38:07,135 --> 01:38:08,534 Don't do it! Don't touch that gun! 1586 01:38:08,637 --> 01:38:10,935 On my momma, if you touch that gun... 1587 01:38:15,577 --> 01:38:17,977 - Oh, shit, it's on! - Over here! 1588 01:38:52,380 --> 01:38:54,143 - What're you doing? - I'm gonna give these boys 1589 01:38:54,249 --> 01:38:55,876 a Hanoi high-five. 1590 01:39:08,530 --> 01:39:09,895 Shadow me, Pinocchio! 1591 01:39:10,665 --> 01:39:11,893 Smoke! 1592 01:39:17,739 --> 01:39:19,434 Oh, shit! 1593 01:39:24,279 --> 01:39:25,803 Jeff, don't! 1594 01:39:26,648 --> 01:39:28,639 It doesn't matter what I do. 1595 01:39:28,750 --> 01:39:31,719 I'll always be a screw-up. No one'll ever respect me. 1596 01:39:31,820 --> 01:39:35,813 That is not true, you are not a screw-up! You make so many people laugh. 1597 01:39:35,924 --> 01:39:38,154 They only laugh at my farts. 1598 01:39:38,259 --> 01:39:40,250 Jeff, we really need to go now! 1599 01:39:40,362 --> 01:39:41,954 This is all I deserve! 1600 01:40:02,117 --> 01:40:04,347 Laugh at that, you bastards! 1601 01:40:04,452 --> 01:40:07,853 Hilarious! Hilarious! 1602 01:40:09,391 --> 01:40:12,224 Let's move. We only have 16 hours before they wake up. 1603 01:40:28,510 --> 01:40:30,102 Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing. 1604 01:40:30,211 --> 01:40:33,146 These assholes are gonna be crawling in here ready to fucking eat us. 1605 01:40:36,084 --> 01:40:38,951 There. All right, you keep six right here. 1606 01:40:40,889 --> 01:40:43,050 Come on, let's go. 1607 01:40:43,158 --> 01:40:45,092 Come on, what are you guys doing? Let's get out of here! 1608 01:40:45,193 --> 01:40:46,854 He's on tilt status. 1609 01:40:46,961 --> 01:40:50,920 Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. 1610 01:40:51,032 --> 01:40:53,125 They found me in an alley in Burbank 1611 01:40:53,234 --> 01:40:56,465 trying to re-enter the Earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box. 1612 01:40:57,205 --> 01:40:58,263 What're you talking about? 1613 01:40:58,373 --> 01:41:00,739 Come on, fellas, we really need to go. 1614 01:41:00,842 --> 01:41:05,279 Daggomit, Blamtucky, I ain't re-programming a VCR. 1615 01:41:11,186 --> 01:41:13,416 Give me the flame thrower. You gotta start the chopper. 1616 01:41:13,521 --> 01:41:16,957 - No, fuck that! Just give me this. - No time! I'll take care of this! 1617 01:41:18,193 --> 01:41:20,093 All right. Give me your hooks. 1618 01:41:20,195 --> 01:41:21,822 Don't worry, I'm not gonna put them on again. 1619 01:41:21,930 --> 01:41:24,763 - Just give me your goddamn hooks. - All right. Here. 1620 01:41:24,866 --> 01:41:27,027 Get those boys back to the bird, pronto! 1621 01:41:31,973 --> 01:41:34,134 Shit! Enough! 1622 01:41:34,242 --> 01:41:36,142 Fake shit! 1623 01:41:39,247 --> 01:41:40,373 Fuck! 1624 01:41:48,089 --> 01:41:51,252 Go get your guys! Get them to the chopper! 1625 01:41:51,359 --> 01:41:53,452 I'll take care of these yahoos! 1626 01:41:55,497 --> 01:41:57,761 You're gonna focus up now, motherfucker, and say it. 1627 01:41:57,866 --> 01:41:59,993 - "It's me, Tugg!" - It's me, Tugg. 1628 01:42:00,101 --> 01:42:01,568 That's right! Now, Tugg who? 1629 01:42:01,669 --> 01:42:04,467 - Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you? - Me? 1630 01:42:04,572 --> 01:42:06,267 I know who I am! 1631 01:42:06,374 --> 01:42:10,105 I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude. 1632 01:42:10,211 --> 01:42:11,269 What? 1633 01:42:11,379 --> 01:42:13,472 You a dude that don't know what dude he is! 1634 01:42:13,581 --> 01:42:16,277 Or are you a dude who has no idea what dude he is 1635 01:42:16,384 --> 01:42:17,646 and claims to know what dude he is... 1636 01:42:17,752 --> 01:42:19,515 What the fuck are you guys talking about? 1637 01:42:19,621 --> 01:42:20,713 ...by playing other dudes? 1638 01:42:20,822 --> 01:42:22,016 I know what dude I am! 1639 01:42:22,123 --> 01:42:24,921 - You're scared. - I ain't scared. Scared of what? 1640 01:42:25,026 --> 01:42:26,288 Or scared of who? 1641 01:42:26,394 --> 01:42:28,988 - Scared of who? - Come on, guys. We really need to go! 1642 01:42:29,097 --> 01:42:30,359 Scared of you. 1643 01:42:35,270 --> 01:42:37,602 - Jesus. - What's going on? 1644 01:42:37,705 --> 01:42:39,229 The dudes are emerging. 1645 01:42:39,340 --> 01:42:40,671 He's right, you know. 1646 01:42:42,443 --> 01:42:43,842 I am not 1647 01:42:45,413 --> 01:42:47,108 Sergeant Lincoln Osiris. 1648 01:42:51,519 --> 01:42:52,986 We gotta roll out. 1649 01:42:53,087 --> 01:42:56,318 Nor am I Father O'Malley. 1650 01:42:58,560 --> 01:43:01,495 Or Neil Armstrong. 1651 01:43:09,070 --> 01:43:11,231 I think I might be nobody. 1652 01:43:12,640 --> 01:43:13,800 Wow! 1653 01:43:13,908 --> 01:43:16,570 The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous! 1654 01:43:17,846 --> 01:43:20,815 - Everybody's got issues! - Yeah, man, everybody got issues. 1655 01:43:20,915 --> 01:43:23,475 Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus. 1656 01:43:23,585 --> 01:43:25,746 You're the whole reason I got into acting. 1657 01:43:25,854 --> 01:43:27,685 I memorized every single monologue 1658 01:43:27,789 --> 01:43:30,383 you ever did when I was in theater school. 1659 01:43:30,491 --> 01:43:32,516 - Really? - Yeah. And look, Tugg! 1660 01:43:32,627 --> 01:43:35,061 I saw Scorcher I 24 times when I was in eighth grade. 1661 01:43:35,163 --> 01:43:38,132 That shit blew me away! I got high to that shit! You the man! 1662 01:43:38,233 --> 01:43:41,361 Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great. Let's get the fuck out of here! 1663 01:43:41,469 --> 01:43:45,599 Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece of the puzzle, buddy. 1664 01:43:45,707 --> 01:43:48,699 We need you! Your men need you! Are you with us? 1665 01:43:53,047 --> 01:43:55,038 I'm a rooster illusion. 1666 01:43:55,149 --> 01:43:56,343 Fuck it. We'll deal with him later. 1667 01:43:56,451 --> 01:43:59,614 Let's move. Come on. Come on. Double time. Gotta go! 1668 01:44:02,156 --> 01:44:03,953 Come on, come on, come on. 1669 01:44:07,729 --> 01:44:09,663 Bingo! Move out. 1670 01:44:11,599 --> 01:44:12,964 Oh, God. 1671 01:44:14,936 --> 01:44:17,803 Just say no to this, you drug-making midget. 1672 01:44:22,377 --> 01:44:23,844 Gotta hold on! 1673 01:44:30,018 --> 01:44:31,383 Four Leaf! 1674 01:44:36,124 --> 01:44:37,455 You grew hands? 1675 01:44:46,701 --> 01:44:48,225 RPG, gentlemen! 1676 01:44:51,005 --> 01:44:52,529 Where are you going? 1677 01:44:58,046 --> 01:45:00,571 Oh, my God. I am moving to catering after this. 1678 01:45:22,603 --> 01:45:23,934 My ass! 1679 01:45:27,175 --> 01:45:28,506 My ass! 1680 01:45:30,111 --> 01:45:33,376 Hey, yo! We gotta get our shit together, Tugg! 1681 01:45:33,481 --> 01:45:35,711 We gotta get his cracker ass to the chopper! 1682 01:45:35,817 --> 01:45:40,117 Are you still crazy? We gotta get Candisky to the chopper! 1683 01:45:40,221 --> 01:45:41,688 It's Sandusky. 1684 01:45:43,558 --> 01:45:46,857 - Kevin Sandusky. - That's my name. 1685 01:45:46,961 --> 01:45:48,553 You remembered my name. 1686 01:45:48,663 --> 01:45:50,688 Alpa, go help Cody. 1687 01:45:50,798 --> 01:45:52,789 Portnoy, get Sandusky back to the chopper. Go! 1688 01:45:52,900 --> 01:45:54,731 - I got him! - Let's go! 1689 01:45:56,170 --> 01:45:57,694 Let's get out of here! 1690 01:46:09,584 --> 01:46:11,074 Hey, Leaf! 1691 01:46:11,185 --> 01:46:12,413 - Leaf! - Yeah. 1692 01:46:12,520 --> 01:46:13,509 Hit the plunger 1693 01:46:13,621 --> 01:46:14,815 - as soon as they clear the bridge! - Got it! 1694 01:46:20,061 --> 01:46:22,495 Come on! Get in the chopper! 1695 01:46:22,697 --> 01:46:25,495 - Come on! Move! - Kirk! Wait! 1696 01:46:30,038 --> 01:46:31,665 Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge! 1697 01:46:31,773 --> 01:46:33,570 Are you the special effects guy? 1698 01:46:33,674 --> 01:46:35,801 - You God damn right I am. - Fuck yeah! 1699 01:46:36,210 --> 01:46:37,404 Leaf's about to blow the bridge. Come on! 1700 01:46:37,512 --> 01:46:40,106 You don't have to! You don't have to! I'm staying. 1701 01:46:40,214 --> 01:46:41,704 No, I can't let you do that, mate. We gotta go. 1702 01:46:41,816 --> 01:46:44,341 No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy. They'll listen to me. 1703 01:46:44,452 --> 01:46:46,943 I know it sounds weird, but I have a connection with them. 1704 01:46:47,055 --> 01:46:49,853 You're not doing tofu dinner theater for these motherfuckers. Let's roll! 1705 01:46:49,957 --> 01:46:53,791 - Get over here! - I have a son now. Little Half Squat. 1706 01:46:53,895 --> 01:46:55,453 Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat? 1707 01:46:55,563 --> 01:46:57,793 He's my son. He's my boy! 1708 01:46:57,899 --> 01:47:00,333 He needs me. I have to go back to him. 1709 01:47:03,471 --> 01:47:05,132 You tell the world what happened here. 1710 01:47:05,239 --> 01:47:07,070 What happened here? 1711 01:47:07,175 --> 01:47:09,405 I don't know, but you need to tell them. 1712 01:47:11,779 --> 01:47:13,610 I got this. 1713 01:47:13,714 --> 01:47:14,874 Tugg! 1714 01:47:15,583 --> 01:47:19,144 You take care of the boys! I'll deal with these guys. 1715 01:47:20,555 --> 01:47:24,150 Where is he going? We're gonna fucking die! 1716 01:47:24,258 --> 01:47:26,886 Laz, come on. He joined the circus. Let's go. 1717 01:47:26,994 --> 01:47:28,188 - You've got hands. - Yeah. 1718 01:47:28,296 --> 01:47:30,423 - Fuck! You've got hands? - Come on! 1719 01:47:31,499 --> 01:47:32,625 - Come on! - Get in! 1720 01:47:32,733 --> 01:47:34,360 - Come on! - He's staying? 1721 01:47:34,469 --> 01:47:36,733 Go! He's a lost cause, mate! Get out of here! 1722 01:47:41,309 --> 01:47:45,803 I was wrong! Blow the bridge! Blow the fucking bridge! 1723 01:47:51,652 --> 01:47:53,051 I got this. 1724 01:47:53,721 --> 01:47:55,154 Leaf, no! 1725 01:48:39,300 --> 01:48:41,928 It's over! He's gone! 1726 01:48:42,036 --> 01:48:44,095 Cody! We gotta go! 1727 01:48:46,107 --> 01:48:47,301 Look. 1728 01:49:09,931 --> 01:49:11,262 Think he's done. 1729 01:49:11,365 --> 01:49:12,593 Cover me! 1730 01:49:13,668 --> 01:49:16,603 - Come on! - Wait, come back! 1731 01:49:16,704 --> 01:49:18,433 How do we cover him? 1732 01:49:22,677 --> 01:49:26,078 All right, game over. Come on, mate. Come on. 1733 01:49:26,180 --> 01:49:28,774 - You all right, man? - I'm cold. 1734 01:49:28,883 --> 01:49:30,874 I can't feel my legs. 1735 01:49:30,985 --> 01:49:33,920 No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See? There's a puddle right there. 1736 01:49:34,021 --> 01:49:35,215 - No worries. - Good. 1737 01:49:35,323 --> 01:49:36,620 Come on, we gotta split, man. 1738 01:49:36,724 --> 01:49:39,022 - You guys came back for me. - Course. 1739 01:49:39,126 --> 01:49:41,458 Hey! I want you to know something. 1740 01:49:41,562 --> 01:49:42,756 What? 1741 01:49:43,931 --> 01:49:45,728 I know who you are. 1742 01:49:47,835 --> 01:49:49,598 You're my friend. 1743 01:49:51,872 --> 01:49:53,499 You're my brother. 1744 01:49:54,375 --> 01:49:57,208 But like a really cool brother, you know? 1745 01:49:57,311 --> 01:49:58,676 Like a brother where there was no animosity or... 1746 01:49:58,779 --> 01:50:01,612 Don't look now, you got some real tears going. 1747 01:50:01,716 --> 01:50:02,705 Really? 1748 01:50:02,817 --> 01:50:04,307 That's the stuff that accolades are made of. 1749 01:50:04,418 --> 01:50:05,885 Jesus, let's go, man! 1750 01:50:05,987 --> 01:50:07,088 All right? 1751 01:50:07,088 --> 01:50:07,452 All right? 1752 01:50:09,023 --> 01:50:10,456 Upsy-daisy. 1753 01:50:12,226 --> 01:50:15,218 Come on! Come on! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! 1754 01:50:17,365 --> 01:50:18,662 Get in! Get in! 1755 01:50:18,766 --> 01:50:20,791 Come on! Here we go! 1756 01:50:23,337 --> 01:50:26,135 Tuggernuts! I got it! 1757 01:50:28,509 --> 01:50:30,807 - Tugger! - Rick! 1758 01:50:33,414 --> 01:50:34,642 What the fuck? 1759 01:50:34,749 --> 01:50:36,376 I got the TiVo! 1760 01:50:37,285 --> 01:50:41,688 My friend wants a TiVo, my friend gets a TiVo! 1761 01:50:46,861 --> 01:50:48,123 Oh, shit! 1762 01:51:24,965 --> 01:51:26,990 And the Oscar goes to... 1763 01:51:29,737 --> 01:51:32,035 Yes! Tugg Speedman. 1764 01:51:33,674 --> 01:51:36,370 "Tropic Blunder, The True Story Behind the Making 1765 01:51:36,477 --> 01:51:39,002 "of the Most Expensive Fake True War Story Ever." 1766 01:51:40,581 --> 01:51:41,707 Yeah! 1767 01:51:46,420 --> 01:51:48,320 Yeah, you son of a bitch! 1768 01:52:07,641 --> 01:52:12,010 Eight Oscars, $400 million 1769 01:52:12,113 --> 01:52:15,344 and you saved Tugg Speedman's career. 1770 01:52:15,449 --> 01:52:18,316 I couldn't have done it without you, Slolom. 1771 01:52:20,354 --> 01:52:21,446 Really? 1772 01:52:21,555 --> 01:52:23,546 No, dickhead, of course I could. 1773 01:52:23,657 --> 01:52:26,319 - A nutless monkey could do your job. - Well, I... 1774 01:52:26,427 --> 01:52:29,328 Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties. 1775 01:52:29,430 --> 01:52:32,126 - I would never do that to... - Joking. 1776 01:52:32,233 --> 01:52:33,598 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1777 01:52:33,701 --> 01:52:35,896 Very... Okay, there he is. 1778 01:52:36,003 --> 01:52:37,493 - There he is. Okay. - Go have fun. 1779 01:52:37,605 --> 01:52:39,129 All right. We're having a... 1780 01:52:39,240 --> 01:52:41,640 Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les. Thank you. You have a good night... 1781 01:52:41,742 --> 01:52:44,142 But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job. 1782 01:52:44,245 --> 01:52:45,974 Good. Thank you, sir. 132253