All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 06x22 - What a Difference a Date Makes.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

(sighs)

Blanche Devereaux's
goin' on a diet.

Could you hold off
until tomorrow?

I got some Sara Lee stock
I'd like to unload.

Wait. Can I have
those gummy bears?

They are good, aren't they?

Oh, I don't eat 'em.
Then why do you want 'em?

To play army.

And sometimes I like to line 'em up
around my bed and pretend I'm Gulliver.

Blanche, you put yourself
through this hell every year.

Are you sure it's worth it?
Of course it's worth it.

On my anniversary, every year
since I was married,

I have slipped into my wedding
dress and had my picture taken.

George was always so proud
of me for stayin' svelte.

I'm gonna get into that dress
this year even if it kills me.

It's not you I'm worried about.

The last time
you went on a diet,

you turned into that guy
from Silence of the Lambs.

You did everything
but butter my face.

It's gonna be different
this time.

See, I'm on this
drink-it-off diet.

"You have two shakes and a
sensible meal every day,

you lose weight
the fast easy way."

I prefer the Italian diet.

You drink a bottle of wine,
make a smart remark,

then get your jaw wired.

Oh, Dorothy, a man called
for you while you were out.

Finally. Now we can break out that
bottle of champagne we've been saving.

Ma.

Come on, Dorothy.

We might not get
another chance.

Oh, sure we will.
We can just serve it at the wake.

He says he's in Miami on business
and he wants to see you.

John Neretti called.

I haven't heard from him
in almost 40 years.

Oh, I can't believe this.

Who's John Neretti?

He's a guy who humiliated me.

Could you narrow it down
a bit, Dorothy?

He's the guy who stood me up
for my senior prom.

Oh, Dorothy, I had no idea

you were stood up
for your prom.

Oh, that's awful.

I figured you didn't go,
but to be stood up.

Oh, John Neretti was one of the
toughest guys in my high school.

He smoked, he drank, he made those
rude noises under his armpit.

I was totally in love with him.

And when he asked me
to go to the senior prom,

I was thrilled.

When I came down the stairs
all dressed, Ma cried

because her little girl
was all grown up.

And she remarked that
that night

would always be the most
memorable and important night

that the two of us ever shared.

Remember, Ma?

Vaguely.

But John never showed up.
I've never forgotten it.

But apparently he has, or he wouldn't
have had the nerve to call here.

You're not gonna call
him back, are ya?

Oh, absolutely.

If John comes to Miami,
I want to see him.

I don't think that's such
a good idea, Pussycat.

Ma, don't you see?

When John Neretti gets here, I'm
finally going to get my revenge.

He's going to see
a beautiful vibrant woman

who's done something
with her life.

Well, Dorothy,
I'd like to help, but -

I can't go out with him
on such short notice.

I meant "done something
with her life standing up."

I'm talking about me.

Oh, my revenge will be to make John
feel as bad as he made me feel.

I want him to see me,
see my life,

so he'll know exactly
what he missed.

She doesn't know a whole lot
about revenge, does she?

Well, I'm ready for John.

Oh, I've waited a long time
for this night.

Dorothy, I'm begging you.
Don't go out with this guy.

He hurt you once,
he'll hurt you again.

I am not going out with him.

But you said you were
gonna make him suffer.

Don't you have to date a man
to do that?

Not this time.

No, I have my plan all
worked out, step by step.

First he'll comment
on how stunning I look,

and then I'll say, "Oh, John,
did we have a date tonight?

Oh, I completely forgot."

And as he crumbles,
I will show him the door.

What if he doesn't comment
on how stunning you look?

Then you'll bring it up.

Time for my shake.

Honey, how you doin'
with this diet?

Oh, no problem.
Piece of cake.

Nice big piece
of chocolate cake.

Devil's food,

smothered in whipped cream
and coconut flakes.

And a lobster.
Blanche.

Ohh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Ooh, a wonderful
strawberry shake.

(whirs)

Strawberry. Mmm.

I bet that'd go great
with a burger.

Ma, you're being a little
insensitive, aren't you?

A little.
Who wants an éclair?

(doorbell rings)

Oh, God, that's John.

Oh, I just hope
I can be mean enough.

Dorothy, do that thing
you do to me in the morning

when I try to take a piece
of bacon off your plate.

Blanche, I want to
tell you something.

I've never weighed more
than 100 pounds

on any day of my adult life.

And because you're my friend,
I want you to sit down,

and I'll share with you
that secret.

Tell me, Sophia.

I was born that way.

I could eat anything
and never get fat.

Did anyone ever tell you
you look like George Kirby?

No, no. Wait, wait.

It's time that John
Neretti learned a lesson.

That I am not that same little
girl whose head can be turned

by a pair of beautiful eyes
and a killer smile.

(doorbell rings)

Now.

Dorothy.

Dorothy, look at you.

You're as beautiful now as you were then.
How have you been?

I love you!

I, uh...

I'd love you
to meet my friend Rose.

Oh. Hi. John Neretti.
Shall we go?

We've got reservations
at 8:30.

Take me.

Out.

Take me out for dinner.
Sure.

Dorothy... Ahem.

I thought you were gonna make him suffer.
Oh, and I will.

Tomorrow morning I'll tell him
he's the worst lover I ever had.

Hope you like medieval food.

I love it.

Just glad I didn't
have it for lunch.

Good evening, my lord.
Good evening, my lady.

I am Don. I will be your
fool for the entire evening.

Would you like to know
about our specials?

We have pheasant
and we have wild boar.

How is the pheasant?

You like chicken?
Yes.

It's chicken.

Why don't you bring us a couple
of grogs while we think about it?

Diet grog if you have it.

(♪ guitar)

♪ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale

♪ A tale of a fateful trip

♪ That started
from this tropic port

♪ Aboard this tiny ship...

Gee, it's so strange
sitting here with you.

I mean, you're so different.
Why?

Well, I remember you as that
tough kid in a leather jacket.

Fights, vandalism.

You were really
a juvenile delinquent.

But that's all behind you.
Tell me, what do you do now?

I manufacture spray paint.

At least all that training
didn't go to waste.

♪ If not for the courage
of that fearless crew

♪ The Minnow would be lost

♪ The Minnow would be lost...

It's wonderful
seeing you again.

I'd forgotten how charming,
how vivacious,

how - how lovely -

Two knights and a rabbi
walked into a bar.

And the first one said
I would -

You were saying...?

Well, I was about to say I'm gonna
be in town for a few more days.

Can we get together Friday night?
Oh, I can't on Friday.

The high school where I teach is
having its senior prom that night.

I promised I'd chaperone.

Can you bring a date?
You can't be serious.

I'll buy you a corsage.
Make it orchids.

Just make sure you show up this time.
What do you mean?

You didn't show up
at our last prom.

Not that I ever think of it.

What are you talking about?
I showed up. What?

Yeah. Your mother sent me away.
She what?

She said I was dressed
like a bum

and slammed the door in my face.
She what?

♪ The millionaire
and his wi-i-ife ♪

Something wrong?
Oh, no, no, not at all.

But I'll tell you,
on the way out,

I would like to stop
at the gift shop.

I'm gonna be needing one of
those spiked balls on a chain.

Hi, Ma.

Hi, Dorothy.
Bye, Dorothy.

Ma, come back.

I wanna sit
and have a little talk.

Why?

Come on, now, would it hurt

to spend a little time
with your daughter?

That remains to be seen.

Rose, would you excuse us
just for a minute?

Sure. I know
that tone of voice.

(singsong)
Somebody's gonna get it.

Ma, I'm going to ask you
a question,

and however you answer,
I'll believe you.

Did you tell John Neretti to go
away the night of my senior prom

because you didn't like
the way he was dressed?

Well...

Liar!

You knew John showed up that
night, and you didn't tell me.

You didn't want me to go out with him tonight.
You knew he'd bring it up.

I can explain. Just don't lock me away
in another ill-equipped nursing home.

I promise nothing.

It's true. I did
send him away that night

because he was dressed
like a hood.

He started to mouth off to
me, so I told him to leave

and not to come back until he was
wearing a decent jacket and a tie.

Why didn't you tell me?
I thought he'd come back, and when he didn't,

well, I was afraid if you knew the
truth, you'd never forgive me.

It's water under the bridge.
What's the big deal?

Stanley Zbornak, Ma.
That's the big deal.

When John didn't show up
that night,

I lost all my self-esteem.

And when Stan asked me out
two weeks later, I said yes,

because I didn't think
I could do any better.

That's why I went to
that drive-in movie with Stan,

and that's why I got pregnant.

And that's why I got married.

Are you saying if it wasn't for me,
you would have married John Neretti?

I don't know. Maybe.

Or maybe I would have met
somebody else,

somebody wonderful.

But I'll never know
because of you.

You took away my choices.

How can I ever forgive you
for that?

Time for today's sensible meal.

Where's my tuna quiche?

You heard me.

I said, where's my tuna quiche?

I get 5 ounces of solid food a
day, and I want my tuna quiche.

You mean that little pie?

Little pie?
Little pie?

I wanted a snack.
A snack?!

I thought
it was a little fishy.

Oh, you ate my sensible meal.

You ate my sensible meal!

Blanche, stop.
Blanche!

You're out of control.

Oh, my God.
Oh, Rose, honey, I'm sorry.

What did I just do?

This.

Honey, we know dieting is hard.

We've all been there.

I remember the time
Stan and I went

on that weight-loss-
through-sex diet.

The idea being
every time you felt hungry,

you would substitute food
with some sexual activity.

Did it work?
I gained 18 pounds.

Well, fine.
I won't have my sensible meal.

Tomorrow's
my anniversary anyway.

I'll just have
my last shake tonight.

Where's my shake?

You heard me. I said,
where's my shake?

I needed something
to wash down the little pie.

Aah!

It was so fishy.

I don't believe you.

Well, if it's any consolation,
I'm still hungry.

Oh, shut up!

Just shut up,

you babblin', bubble-headed,
bleach-blond...

Baboon.
...baboon!

She needed a "B."

(doorbell rings)

John. Ooh.

I'll go get Dorothy.
Won't you have a seat?

Mrs. Petrillo.

It's John Neretti.

Well, you haven't aged a bit.

(louder) I said,
you haven't aged a bit.

I hear you.
I'm not deaf.

"Haven't staged a hit"?

Oh, John, I'm sorry
I kept you waiting.

Dorothy.

You remember my lying
vicious toad of a mother.

Is there a problem?
Oh, not at all.

Happy as ever
at Happiness House.

Aww.

Well, I guess
we should be going.

Oh, not before I get a picture.
Oh, Rose.

Oh, come on, Dorothy, it's your
prom picture. Say "cheese."

(both) Cheese.

Now smile.

We'll save a lot of time
if you just do it.

Have a good time.
Thank you.

I never got to go to the
junior prom in St. Olaf.

How come?

It was just for people
named "Junior."

It fits.

My wedding dress fits.

Congratulations.

You weren't married
in a white dress?

Oh, Rose, come on.

It's one thing
to hear snickering

when you walk down the
aisle, but me in white?

Even I couldn't keep
a straight face.

OK, Rose, come on,
take the picture.

I gotta hand it to you, Blanche.
I never thought you'd fit into that thing.

Well, all the pain
and torture were worth it.

George would be so proud of me.

My body's just as lithe and
taut as the day we were wed.

Blanche...

Nothing.

It was an enchanting evening.

"Enchanted Evening."

That was the theme of that
prom that we never got to.

Little more romantic
than the theme they had tonight.

"Wear A Condom" is more
than a prom theme.

It's sort of become
the school slogan.

It's catchy.

Oh, I wish Stan had gone
to that high school.

You know, I... I've got
a little confession to make.

One of the reasons
I wanted to see you again

was to, well, show you
how well I turned out.

Well, I wanted to show you
how well I turned out.

I mean, I was a mess in high school.
We all were.

Yeah. Except for what was her name?
Roseanne De Rasmo.

Oh, she had it all together.

I wonder whatever happened
to her.

She turned into
a bitter lonely lady.

Came into a lot of money.

At least, that's how she was
after our divorce.

I had a wonderful time tonight.

So did I.

I'm just sorry
I messed up in high school.

It wasn't your fault.
That was my mother's.

Actually, I've always wanted

to thank your mother
for that night. Why?

For not letting me
take you out.

She took one look at my
clothes and my attitude.

She said it wasn't good
enough for her daughter.

Her little girl
deserved better.

She actually said that?
Yeah.

And a whole lot
of Italian words.

I'm not too sure
if it was a curse,

but I did talk like a girl
for about three weeks.

It was a turning point
in my life.

That's when I finally
started growing up.

And all that happened
because of my mother?

I like to think so.

Tell you another thing
I remember about that night.

How nervous I was.
Nervous? About what?

Our good-night kiss.
I was terrified.

I figured, "Oh, she's not gonna
want me to kiss her good night.

She'll -"

It was worth waiting for.

Can I call you next time
I get back to town?

I'd like that.

Good night.

Don't take me, Death.
Don't take me.

Oh, it's you.

Ma, you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh, Ma, I said some terrible
things to you, and I'm sorry.

I'm responsible for all the
decisions I made in my life,

and if my life didn't turn
out perfectly, well...

whose has?

Mary Ann Mobley comes to mind.

She gets to sleep
with Gary Collins every night.

Every night.

No, what I'm trying to say is

we all make the best
decisions we can make

with what we know.

Exactly. Just like it was
on the night of your prom.

I did what I thought
was best. I was wrong.

I'm sorry,
but you were my first.

You didn't come
with a book of instructions.

Anyway, all I ever wanted
was the best for my little girl.

Because you deserved it.
I didn't want you to settle for less.

You still think of me
as your little girl?

Of course I do.

In fact, come on.

Sit on my lap
for old times' sake.

Oh, come on, Ma.
You can't be serious.

I mean, I'm a grown woman.

What's wrong with a mother
wanting to hold her child?

Dorothy, do this for me.
Sit on my lap.

Well, if you're sure.
I...

Oh, Ma.

Oh, this brings back
so many memories.

The time I was five...
Bad idea! Bad idea!

Ma, you all right?

I'm fine. I just panicked
for a minute.

Come, sit down here.

Oh, Ma. This is
just like old times.

So tell me, did you have a good time
tonight at your prom, Pussycat?

Wonderful, Ma.
It was everything I wanted it to be.

Come, tell Ma all about it.

Well...

John bought me
this beautiful corsage.

And then, when we
got to the gymnasium,

it was so beautiful.

Anyway, when we got there,
we walked in...