All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 06x21 - Witness.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

Well, I'm off.

That would be my diagnosis.

No, I mean I'm going out.

Ma, put down the binoculars.
No, I need them.

I lost my glasses, and I'm not
supposed to drive without them.

Let's analyze this
for a moment.

You're now what,
about 200 years old?

About.

You have no license.
You're not allowed to drive.

Curses!

Dorothy, good,
I'm glad you're here.

I want you to help me
go through these papers.

They're to authenticate
my family tree. Oh.

Tomorrow I have to
present it out loud

at the "Daughters of the Old
South" initiation banquet.

You're not really gonna go
through with this, are you?

Well, indeed I am.

This club is a link to the
proudest of all heritages.

I remember,
growin' up in Atlanta,

how us girls used to pretend
to be Confederate belles,

and we'd receive
gentleman callers.

Got to be like a competition.

In fact, I once received
seven callers in one evening.

I'm just thinking out loud,

but isn't Atlanta where the
Center for Disease Control is?

Coincidence.

Hey, these are all right.

When I look through them backwards,
you actually look demure.

Ma, get new glasses, all right?
(doorbell rings)

Why must you always make such
a big deal out of everything?

Who's making a big deal out of it?
I'm not making a big deal out of it.

Hi!
Hi, Barbara.

We got a call at the police
station about lost glasses.

You got my message.
How many men you got on this?

Well, none really.

I did check, and nobody
reported any lost glasses.

Not lost. Stolen.
I want cops on this.

Big, burly, steroid-crazed cops.
Oh.

Sophia.

Oh, fine, get one
for Blanche, too.

Throw it on my tab.

As long as I'm here,
I should tell you

there's been complaints from the
neighbors about the noise at night.

Which neighbors?
Well, me.

Which noise?
Well, you.

Well, get earmuffs.
I pay my taxes.

Ah, Rose, another date
with Karl tonight, huh?

You must really like this guy.

I do. Karl is sweet,
and he's supportive.

He understands that I still
have feelings for Miles.

Rose, Miles is in
the Witness Relocation Program.

You're not supposed to
be telling people about him.

I didn't tell him Miles ratted on
a gangster named The Cheeseman.

He just knows there's somebody
I can't see anymore.

Oh, Karl is quite a guy.

Lately I've been dreaming about
him at night, not Miles.

Although I do have one dream
that both Karl and Miles are in.

Ohh.

And?

OK.

And Captain Kangaroo.

Oh, and look here, Dorothy.

This is my grandmother
Marcelle Daboval.

Pure Southern, through and through.
Oh, Blanche, I'm sorry.

I just don't like
the idea of this club.

It seems so discriminatory.

There is nothing wrong with
being proud of what you are.

This club celebrates
those individuals

who can prove they come

from 100%
Southern Confederate stock.

And if you can't,
then fiddle-di-doo to you.

Do you have any idea
how much that hurts?

Ladies and gentlemen,
Roy Orbison.

Ma, where did you
get those glasses?

They're an old pair of Pop's, but at
least they've got prescription lenses.

You can't possibly see
through them.

Take them off
before you hurt yourself.

No, they're great.
I see just fine.

Who's the black guy?

I'm about done with this side
of the family tree.

I think you have the papers
there from the Roquet marriage.

Yeah, wait a minute.
Oh, yeah, here. Mm-hmm.

Walker Roquet married
Rosalyn Roquet, 1861.

Rosalyn was fro- Uh-oh.
What?

I hate telling you this,
Blanche...

No, that's not true.

I look forward
to telling you this, Blanche.

The woman
your great-grandfather married

was born, well,
outside of Georgia.

How far outside of Georgia?

Buffalo.

You're a Yankee, Blanche.
Well, no, this can't be.

A Yankee Doodle.

There must be some mistake.

You are that Yankee Doodle gal.

Let me see the certificate.

I want to see with my own eyes that my
great-grandmother was... that thing you said.

A Yankee.
Right.

A Yankee Doodle.
Oh, stop it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, did I mention
her last name was Feldman?

Aw, no. Oh, no, no, no.

No, it can't be.
I can't be Jewish.

I'll be damned.

The black guy is prejudiced.

This information will have no
bearing on my getting into

the "Daughters of the Old South.
" I'll just lie.

Oh, Blanche,
this is ridiculous.

Why should you have to lie?
You're only one-eighth Yankee.

That's right. I'm seven-eighths' Southern.
That's more than enough.

And if they don't let you in,
instead of saying "fiddle-di-doo,"

well, you can
always switch to...

♪ Deedle didle deedle dum

Thanks for
a lovely evening, Karl.

Rose, I've got an idea.

What do you say we go away
for the weekend?

Karl, I'm not sure
I'm ready to.

It's because
of this Miles guy, right?

I don't want to push you, but I just
wish I knew what I was up against.

I mean, who is this guy?
What did he do?

Where is he now?

I wish I could tell you,

but I really don't know
anything about him anymore.

When I knew him, he was a professor at a college.
That's hard to believe.

It's one of the few places
they have professors.

No. Yeah. No, I know that.

I meant... I can't believe
he left someone like you.

He left someone else like me?

No. I mean you.

That he left you.

Oh.

OK.

I should be more clear.

That'd be great.

Listen, check with me later
about the weekend.

I just want to be sure I'm
ready, and that it's right.

I'll give you a ring.
I can't accept jewelry.

I mean, I'll call you soon.

I mean, I'll call you,
Rose, soon...

and the phone will ring.

Oh, he really understands me.

Rose. Rose, it's me.

Mi- Miles?

I beg your pardon.

I'm sure Blanche
will be out any minute.

No, Rose, Rose, it's me.

Miles?

I've come back, Rose.
I had to see you.

But you've changed.

Well, I'm Amish, Rose.

That's my new identity in
the Witness Protection Program.

See, I'm an Amish man.
I live on an Amish farm.

I carry wood, I dig holes
and I milk things.

And to be frank... it sucks.

I've missed you, Rose.
Oh, I've missed you, too, Miles.

No, no, Rose.
My name is now Samuel.

Samuel Plankmaker.

Isn't it dangerous
for you to be here?

You might have been followed.

Oh, no, I took all kinds
of precautions.

I even switched buggies
on the way over.

Rose, of course,
you can't tell a soul who I am.

Oh, don't worry.
Your secret is safe with me.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Boy, you find out
you're a Jew with a dilemma,

and these rabbis
just come out of the woodwork.

Rose, who is this?

This is...
This is a friend.

His name is Samuel.
Samuel Plankmaker.

Samuel, these are my roommates.

Girls, you know Miles.
Samuel!

Shoot! Sorry.

Well, I'm sorry, ladies.

It's me. I was hoping
to play a trick on you.

Silly Rabbi,
tricks are for kids.

Look, ladies, I know it's a lot to
ask, but I just had to see Rose.

I can't risk leaving,
at least not tonight.

I need to stay here,
if you'll let me.

Come on, Plankmaker.
I'll fix up a room for you.

Thank you.

I just want to go on record
as saying I am against this.

That Cheeseman character
could be following Miles,

and there's no telling what he
would do to me for information.

Blanche, you are really
so self-centered.

In the first place, no gangster
is going to come here.

And secondly, Blanche,
this is important to Rose.

Aren't you interested
in Rose's happiness?

Happiness?
I'm supposed to be happy?

Just when I was getting on
with my life,

Miles shows up,
and for a visit.

He can't even stay.

How am I gonna move on?

How is my heart ever supposed
to heal with Miles here?

Do you really think
I'm self-centered?

Huh?

Come on, ya'll, hurry up.

Excuse me, folks.
I've gotta make a quick phone call.

Rose, would you mind
getting me some punch?

He's gonna be late
for the initiation ceremony.

Oh, take it easy, Feldman.

Hello, Billy Club?
It's me - Moran.

No, Moran The Cheeseman.

Look, I need some fake ID
to get out of the country.

Yeah, I think my girlfriend's
about to blab.

(laughs)

Well, thank you,
Evelyn and Margaret,

for that gripping
and realistic reenactment

of the defeat of General Burnside's
troops at Fredericksburg.

(applause)

It's hard to believe you couldn't
get federal funding for this.

Mom says "hi."

I'm sorry, what?

Rose, what's going on with you?

You've been
acting strange lately.

Seems like you're hiding
something from me.

Oh, honey, I can't lie to you.
It's just not fair.

I have been hiding something
from you.

I can't tell you where he's
been, but Miles is back.

He's staying with me.

I understand, Rose.

And don't worry
about your secret.

It won't go
any further than me.

Now it's time
to meet our new applicants

and hear their
lineage presentations.

So let us begin
with Mrs. Louise Blakely.

Blanche, there is still time
to back out.

Do you really think you can go up
there and betray your heritage?

Dorothy, I belong in this club.

Why, I'm just as Southern as the
fruit of a scuppernong arbor

growing proudly
by the lazy Mississippi.

Lawdy, Lawdy,
are you full of it.

...who married
my Great Aunt Annalou Sellers,

cousin to Claude Livaudais,

who begat Elizabeth Blasingame.

Wait a minute.
Did you say Claude Livaudais?

Yes.

My great-grandfather
told stories

of Claude Livaudais.

He once sold horseshoes
to a Union soldier.

Yankee.

No, no, I can explain.

Fie.
Traitor.

Oy vey.

Well, that was a close one.

We now call Blanche Devereaux.

Dorothy, I can't see a thing.
What's happening now?

The Harlem Globetrotters
just took the court.

Hello, ladies. I want to thank
you for making time for me.

But I wonder if, instead
of reading my family tree,

if I couldn't
just say a few words

about what the South
means to me.

Oh, no. We need
your family tree.

I see. OK.

Well, I am Blanche Devereaux,

nee Hollingsworth, of Atlanta,

daughter
of Curtis Hollingsworth

and Samantha Roquet

of Augusta and Shreveport,

daughter of -

I can't do it. I...

Daughter of Feldman.

I'm a Feldman, damn it.

Of Buffalo.
(all gasp)

Oh, ladies, now, please,
I beg of you.

Let us put aside our ancient
prejudices and change these rules.

Oh, ladies, let my people in.

No. Next up, we have
a lady actually...

I would like to say something
else, if you don't mind.

Please let me in.
No!

Next up
- That wasn't what I was going to say.

Yes, I am a Yankee,
but hath not a Yankee eyes?

Hath not a Yankee hands?

If you prick us,
do we not bleed?

If you tickle us,
do we not laugh?

Sometimes all night.
I've heard her.

My point is, I am made up
of many ingredients,

but perhaps
that is what gives me

my uniquely American flavor.

Yes, for I am an American,

and I'm leavin'.

I don't need your lousy club
to make me feel special.

Oh, please?
(all) No!

Oh, you lost the war.
Get over it.

Let's go.

Oh, honey,
I hope you're not too upset

about not fitting in with
those dreadful people today.

Those small-minded peckerwoods
aren't real Southerners.

I am a real Southerner.

Real Southerners
are compassionate people.

They're wise and gentle, and
they sit around on porch swings,

regaling with stories
of Abraham and Moses...

and all the other people
who worked on the plantation.

Well, I sent Karl home.

Now I just have to talk
to Miles.

Talk to Miles? You seeing
somebody else, Rose?

Ah, I can explain.
No, I understand.

Oh, Rose, of course,
you're dating.

That's why I've come
to a decision.

I'm going to Washington,
talk to the Bureau.

I am leaving the Witness
Protection Program.

I just know
I need to be with you.

But the Cheeseman
is looking for you.

Rose, don't worry.

So, hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

Oh, my God! You!
How did you find me?

Time to say goodbye, buddy boy.

Karl, Miles,

as flattering as this is, I...

I don't want you
fighting over me.

What? Karl?
Is this the man you've been seeing?

Uh-huh. But don't worry.
He's just a little jealous.

Got some bad news, Rose.
It's not you he's after.

He's using you to get to me.

This is the Cheeseman.
Oh! My -

I'll have to figure out
what to do with you.

Wait a minute. You can't come into
this house waving that gun around.

Although it is a very nice one.

What is this, a Colt?

Oh, I knew all along it was a bad
idea to let Miles stay here.

I'm too young to be struck
down by a madman's bullet.

I've gotta find some way
out of this.

(doorbell rings) I'll get it.

No one moves...
and no one makes a sound.

We all stand still
until they leave.

Don't make a move, old lady.

Nice way to talk
to your mother, Pussycat.

Who is it?
Put these on and find out.

My glasses.
Where did you find them?

I'm afraid Dreyfuss was the culprit.
He got them off the lanai.

You should really keep that gate closed.
Anybody could get in here.

It's great.
I can finally see again.

Hey, it's the Cheeseman.

Come on, get in here,
both of ya.

Sophia, you recognize
Karl as the Cheeseman?

You don't? The man's been on America's
Most Wanted at least six times.

The last episode was
the highest rated ever.

Ever.

That must be a good feeling.

Well, it's kind of
an acknowledgement.

I hate to interrupt you,
but I have some bad news.

It's all over.
That's right, you're busted.

Barbara's a cop.

In a dress, without a gun.

So, basically, what you have
here is a crossing-guard thing.

All right, all you gals are gonna
get locked up in a closet,

and us boys are going
for a little walk.

Wow. Were you ever
activities director

of a place called Shady Pines?

We got a lot of old business
to discuss, mi amigo.

An awful lot.

Isn't there anything
you can do, Barbara?

I suppose I could do this.

All right, Cheeseman,
you're under arrest.

You told us you didn't
have a gun. You lied.

To a bad guy.
It's OK to lie to a bad guy.

You see that?

There's so many things we, as
the public, don't understand.

I'm gonna take this creep out
front and read him his rights.

Somebody call the station
and tell 'em to get here,

and I need handcuffs,
right away.

Oh. Oh, OK,
you can borrow mine.

But please be careful
with them. They're a gift.

Ma, why don't we make that
phone call from the kitchen?

Rose...

Rose, it's over.
I'm a free man.

I can be with you now, if
that's still what you want.

Oh, that's all
I've ever wanted.

But you have to promise me
never to leave me again.

Well, sweetheart, I might
have to for a little while.

Back on my farm
in Pennsylvania,

I still have an order in
for 13 windmills.

Oh, screw 'em.
What are they gonna do, phone?