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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,603
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:09,207
♪ Traveled down the roadand back again
3
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:12,044
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:16,948
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,984
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:23,822
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,860
♪ You would seethe biggest
giftwould be from me
8
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,797
♪ And the card attachedwould say
9
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:38,035
♪ "Thank youfor being a friend" ♪
10
00:01:04,363 --> 00:01:07,065
Oh, morning, Ma.
11
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:11,336
Dorothy, when was
the last time you had sex?
12
00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:19,778
It's a very personal question.
13
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,547
That long, huh?
14
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,449
Perfect.
15
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:28,620
Then you shall be the queen of the
Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
16
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,922
Ma, what are you talking about?
17
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,624
Once a year,
the women of my village
18
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:35,927
threw a festival
to recapture their virginity.
19
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,963
It gives you a chance
to say to the man in your life,
20
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:42,667
"What kind of tramp
do you take me for?"
21
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:47,506
We had a Festival of the Dancing
Virgins in St. Olaf, too.
22
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,074
Every year, we'd go
down to the lake,
23
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:53,144
and they'd be flopping around
on the dock.
24
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:54,479
Oh, no, wait.
25
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:59,250
That was the Festival
of the Dancing Sturgeons.
26
00:02:00,185 --> 00:02:03,922
What is wrong with you, woman?
27
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:06,457
OK, Queenie...
28
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:09,727
I have to make
salsa grandioso again,
29
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:12,097
and this time,
I'm gonna teach you how.
30
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:14,065
Oh, Ma.
Not the sauce, Ma, no.
31
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,634
That takes weeks.
There are 152 ingredients.
32
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,470
I just don't have the time.
33
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,639
Dorothy, for 1400 years,
the women in our family
34
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:24,876
have been handing this recipe
down from mother to daughter.
35
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:28,280
Each generation improves
upon it in some way.
36
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:32,217
Like, for instance, it was my
great-grandmother who added heat.
37
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,960
What did you add, Sophia?
38
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,494
A mouthful of wine.
39
00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:47,332
It was an accident.
40
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,035
A delicious accident.
41
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,071
Well, Ma,
I just can't do it now.
42
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,406
I'm gonna be teaching
that honors program class,
43
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:57,442
and it's going to be
a challenge.
44
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,944
I'm gonna have students
who know that Chekhov is
45
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,980
a brilliant Russian playwright,
46
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,884
not the guy who was the navigator
on the Enterprise.
47
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:10,588
I didn't know the guy from
Star Trek wrote plays.
48
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:16,494
So, what you're telling me is I'm gonna
take this recipe with me to the grave.
49
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,329
Right along with the secret
50
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:22,667
of why Uncle Gino
legally adopted that goat.
51
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:26,737
Sophia, why don't you
teach me the recipe?
52
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,607
I'm practically a daughter.
53
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,541
You have to hand it down
to a blood relative
54
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,077
or the queen of the festival.
55
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:36,014
When was the last time
you had sex?
56
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:39,350
A couple of weeks ago.
57
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:41,953
Let's not split hairs.
58
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,589
Congratulations.
You're the queen.
59
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:45,890
I'm the quee--
60
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,994
I'm the queen?
61
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:54,132
You're also the fool, so we're
saving a lot on payroll.
62
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:57,269
Aw, leave her alone.
We have to get to work on the sauce.
63
00:03:57,271 --> 00:04:00,104
We begin by taking
a shallow bath in olive oil
64
00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:03,541
at 7:34 Sicily time.
65
00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:06,477
Why? Originally it was to
keep the Visigoths away.
66
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,146
But if ain't broke,
don't fix it.
67
00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:17,489
Am I convincing?
68
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:25,196
As what, ye olde towne slut?
69
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,698
It so happens
our community playhouse
70
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:30,101
is doing
The Taming of the Shrew,
71
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,038
and I'm to audition
for the role of Kate,
72
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,675
the fiery tart of Padua
who no man could tame.
73
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,809
(doorbell rings)
74
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:41,012
Hark. Perhaps a suitor
doth approacheth.
75
00:04:42,848 --> 00:04:46,117
Do you think he'll
thtay all night?
76
00:04:51,023 --> 00:04:53,023
Rebecca, what a surprise.
77
00:04:53,025 --> 00:04:54,826
Look at you.
78
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:57,561
And you used to yell at me
for wearin' halter tops.
79
00:04:59,831 --> 00:05:01,832
Mama, I just got
a job interview,
80
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,502
and I really need you
to baby-sit for Aurora.
81
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:06,871
Aurora.
I just hate that name.
82
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,540
Why couldn't you have found
something more musical,
83
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,943
more - more Southern,
more beautiful?
84
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,345
Sorry, Blanche.
85
00:05:16,548 --> 00:05:19,050
Look, I know
you don't like the name,
86
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,020
and I know you think
I'm bringin' her up wrong.
87
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,655
No, I just don't see
why you have to feed her
88
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,991
when you come to visit me
at the museum.
89
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:30,128
You don't see me taking out
my breast in public.
90
00:05:36,635 --> 00:05:39,771
A lot.
91
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:44,475
I'd love to stay and argue
with you, but I have to go.
92
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:48,546
You know how much
I wanna be with Oreo, but...
93
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:51,583
Aurora, Mama. Aurora.
94
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,651
I just have such a block
against that name. Rebecca -
95
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:56,620
You promised if I moved to
Miami you'd help me out,
96
00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:58,622
and I really need this job.
97
00:05:58,624 --> 00:05:59,957
Oh, here.
98
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:02,393
You have a good time
with Grandma.
99
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,895
Rebecca! Will you
stop sayin' that?
100
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:09,166
You keep callin' me "Grandma," she's
gonna grow up to think that's my name.
101
00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,607
...yours
if you talk of tales,
102
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,810
and so, farewell.
103
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,145
(man) Thank you.
104
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,013
Would you like
to see Kate another way?
105
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:25,016
God, yes. Next!
106
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,786
Blanche Devereaux.
107
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,861
Hi. Larry, is that you?
108
00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:41,031
No, Larry's not directing this one.
He's sick.
109
00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:44,402
His back didn't
go out again, did it?
110
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,037
How did you know?
111
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:49,140
I performed Annie for him.
112
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,442
Really? Where?
113
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,678
None of your business.
114
00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:57,081
OK.
115
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,952
Jason will be your
Petruchio, page 85.
116
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,689
"Myself am moved
to woo thee for my wife."
117
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:09,393
"Moved? In good time, let him that
moved you hither move you hence."
118
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,296
(crying)
119
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,831
All right,
all right, all right.
120
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:16,400
"I knew you at the first.
You were a moveable."
121
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:20,872
Thou hast hit it.
Come, sit on me.
122
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,574
Ooh. Oh.
123
00:07:26,979 --> 00:07:29,981
"Asses are made to bear,
and so are you."
124
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,050
(Aurora fussing)
125
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:35,053
Women are made to bear,
and so are you.
126
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,754
Shh, shh, shh.
127
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:40,992
"No such jade as m--
you if me you mean."
128
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:45,497
OK. I've heard enough.
Thank you.
129
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:50,034
Oh, please. I've waited my
whole life to play this part.
130
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:53,170
Long wait.
131
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:55,840
Thank you, Miss Devereaux.
Let's take a five.
132
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,241
Oh, shoot.
133
00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:01,579
Well, I thought you were great.
134
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:06,184
Oh! Well, uh,
I was born to act.
135
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:10,555
I've given some of my best
performances on the stage.
136
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,390
And what about
this little lady?
137
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,392
I bet her daddy
is very proud of her.
138
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,894
She doesn't have a daddy,
do you, sweetheart?
139
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,397
Really? Well, she has
a very talented mother.
140
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,299
How do you know?
141
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,934
I just saw her act.
Oh.
142
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,372
Oh. Oh.
143
00:08:32,077 --> 00:08:33,311
And your name was...?
144
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,679
Jason Stillman.
145
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,681
Did you happen to see
Breakfast At Tiffany's?
146
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,317
Yes. Well, I was in
the party scene.
147
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:42,120
Audrey Hepburn
spilled a drink on me.
148
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,188
But they cut it out.
149
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,790
I'm impressed.
150
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,092
I've settled here in
Florida recently. Oh.
151
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,094
Maybe you and your daughter
152
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,096
could join me for an afternoon
153
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,198
at the zoo one day soon?
154
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:59,070
My... daughter and I
would love that.
155
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,806
I'll give you a call.
Are you in the book?
156
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,875
Bold print.
157
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:11,816
Hi, Pussycat.
How was school?
158
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:15,019
Oh, I hate those smart kids.
159
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:18,222
They may be our brightest,
but they're also our rudest,
160
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:21,392
considering most of them
are guests in our country.
161
00:09:23,295 --> 00:09:28,766
Oh, give me a class
of red-blooded underachievers.
162
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:31,102
Pussycat, when you were
in junior high school
163
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,105
and the kids gave you a
hard time, what did I say?
164
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:37,976
You told me I was extra-special
and they were just jealous.
165
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,846
That's right, and if they still gave you
a hard time, what did I tell you to say?
166
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:46,584
"My mother can have you
eliminated with one phone call."
167
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:50,187
But, Ma, this is different.
168
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,690
I've always wanted
to teach an honors class,
169
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:56,027
but now that I am, well, the
kids are making me feel stupid.
170
00:09:56,029 --> 00:10:00,832
Dorothy, I'm gonna tell you
something I never told you before.
171
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,300
When you were about 12
and we lived in Brooklyn,
172
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:05,302
they called me into the school
173
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:07,605
to tell me you had the
highest IQ in the borough.
174
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,273
That's a coincidence.
175
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:12,843
I was told I had
the IQ of a burro.
176
00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:23,421
Ma, I had no ide-- The
brightest kid in Brooklyn?
177
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,423
Well, that certainly
explains the feeling
178
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,792
of being right all the time.
179
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,228
What is it?
180
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,962
173.
181
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,832
I don't know if you know this,
182
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:39,070
but a burro
can find its way back home.
183
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,673
Have fun shopping, Rose.
184
00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:45,843
Oh, I'll be back.
(laughs)
185
00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:55,553
Oh, Dorothy, what crossword
puzzle are you doing?
186
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:59,690
Sunday New York Times'.
187
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:02,292
In ink.
188
00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:07,198
Isn't Rebecca here
with the baby yet?
189
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,900
She called and said
she'd be a little late.
190
00:11:09,902 --> 00:11:11,769
You know, Blanche, it's so nice
191
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:15,640
to see you take this much of an
interest in your granddaughter.
192
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:19,543
Well, I have to.
Jason thinks the baby's mine.
193
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,682
Well, don't look at me
that way.
194
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,684
He thought the baby was mine.
195
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,886
I just didn't correct him.
196
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:31,455
It's not a lie.
I'm-I'm just...
197
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,757
withholding the truth.
198
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,627
Blanche, how could you do that?
199
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,629
Because over
the past couple of weeks,
200
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,631
I've really gotten to like him.
201
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,568
If I go back now and tell him the
truth, he'll think I'm a liar.
202
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:46,003
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
203
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:49,974
when first we practice
to tell a fib.
204
00:11:52,277 --> 00:11:54,745
Walt Whitman here has a point.
205
00:11:56,014 --> 00:11:59,550
What's with this guy?
He must be blind as a bat.
206
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,654
There are lots of ways
you can trick a man
207
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,323
into thinkin' you're younger
than you really are.
208
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:09,159
You wear sunglasses,
put on a little extra makeup,
209
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:10,928
go to dimly lit restaurants.
210
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:12,730
We've all done that.
211
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,699
Fly to Nevada to get
a fake birth certificate.
212
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:18,702
Have a phony high school
yearbook printed up.
213
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:22,306
Change the dates
on your parents' graves.
214
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:25,977
We've all done that.
215
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,346
(doorbell rings)
216
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,014
Wonder if that's Jason.
217
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:31,349
Listen, I'm warnin' you,
218
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,684
if anybody
blows the whistle on me,
219
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,286
the old lady's
out on the street.
220
00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,562
Rose, go in the other room
and cry like a baby.
221
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:47,664
Get. Go! Move it.
222
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:50,734
She owns us.
223
00:12:57,909 --> 00:12:59,477
Jason.
Blanche.
224
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:02,312
I really wanna thank you again
for these ray blockers.
225
00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:06,250
I didn't think I'd get used to everything
being pink, but it's kinda fun.
226
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,186
I guess we oughta be
on our way.
227
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,555
Honey, Alligator Grotto
has been there a thousand years.
228
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,424
It can wait another few minutes.
Good afternoon, ladies.
229
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,560
Why don't you take the glasses
off and stay a while?
230
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:17,728
Yoo-hoo, gotta go.
Where's the baby?
231
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,964
The baby's sleeping.
232
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,632
Let me take a peek.
233
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,669
At the Greater Miami
Baby Sleep Center.
234
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:30,808
It's sort of a flophouse
for infants.
235
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,042
(doorbell rings)
236
00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:35,379
Oh, that must be the baby
and her nanny now.
237
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:38,049
Hi, everyone.
238
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:41,152
Sorry I'm late, but you'll never
guess what happened today.
239
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,821
Tell me later.
Give me the baby and leave.
240
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,724
She said, "Mama."
Ah.
241
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,558
Too bad, Blanche,
that you weren't there.
242
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:51,661
Yeah, too bad, but I'm
sure she'll say it again.
243
00:13:54,265 --> 00:13:56,500
OK, let's go.
244
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,767
Wait.
245
00:13:57,769 --> 00:13:59,503
Let me get a picture.
246
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:04,375
Isn't she the most beautiful
mother you've ever seen?
247
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,678
Grand, just grand.
248
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:17,488
(shutter clicks)
249
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,989
You know, Blanche,
250
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:20,991
this is like a perfect family.
251
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,261
Well, almost perfect.
252
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,263
Maybe someday
there'll be room for me.
253
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:28,599
And who knows... maybe even
a little one of our own.
254
00:14:46,517 --> 00:14:48,518
And a pinch of red pepper...
255
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,922
That's not a pinch.
256
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:54,491
Did you ever get pinched by an Italian?
It takes about five minutes.
257
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,762
Hi. What are you doin' up?
258
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:00,097
You have school tomorrow.
259
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,700
Oh, I'm just too smart
for my own good.
260
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,701
I feel as trapped and isolated
261
00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:08,572
as Soren Kierkegaard
in his final days.
262
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,874
(laughing)
263
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,478
What?
264
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,348
That's such a funny name.
265
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,950
Oh, Rose,
266
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:23,788
dear, sweet,
single-digit-IQ Rose.
267
00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:28,391
Oh, I've been tossing
and turnin'.
268
00:15:28,393 --> 00:15:29,727
I can't sleep.
269
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,263
I don't know what I'm
gonna do about Jason.
270
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,900
He's reached a point in his life
where he's anxious to settle down.
271
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:39,036
He wants us to have
another child right away.
272
00:15:42,641 --> 00:15:47,979
Well, frankly, I don't know
if I want another baby so soon.
273
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,513
I understand.
274
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:54,818
Wait a couple years,
and Medicare will pay for it.
275
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,928
Why wait? Have it now and The
Enquirer will pay for it.
276
00:16:14,706 --> 00:16:17,742
It's so unfair.
277
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,576
We're both about the same age,
278
00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,879
but he can go on makin' babies
the rest of his life.
279
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,915
I feel like the Spruce Goose.
280
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:29,286
People may visit,
play with the controls,
281
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,989
but I'll never really
fly again.
282
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:39,196
(doorbell rings)
283
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,067
Hello!
284
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:46,703
And how is little Aurora
doing today?
285
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:49,706
Oh, what a good girl
she was this mornin'.
286
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:53,244
She was just smilin'
and smilin' and smilin'.
287
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,579
I know sometimes it's just gas,
288
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,048
but she was so cute.
289
00:17:15,466 --> 00:17:19,603
Ma, it's not cute
once you pass 80.
290
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,208
Oh, I thought I heard company.
291
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,710
Come here, you.
292
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,280
Aurora just got up,
so you may not be able
293
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,182
to put her down for a nap
this afternoon.
294
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:34,618
That's all right.
I enjoy it when she's awake.
295
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,121
Mother, this is so unlike you.
296
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:39,323
You've never really
liked babies.
297
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,091
Rebecca, go home.
298
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,327
You're interfering in my and
the baby's bondin' time.
299
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:47,665
Before I go, I just wanna
say it's been wonderful
300
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:53,203
seein' the open, honest and lovin'
relationship you're havin' with Aurora.
301
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,606
You've been great.
302
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,608
I love you, Mama.
303
00:17:59,243 --> 00:18:00,845
Wait.
304
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,247
I'm not as perfect
as you think I am.
305
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,648
There's something
you oughta know.
306
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,517
(doorbell rings)
307
00:18:08,252 --> 00:18:10,488
Hi. I hope
I'm not too early.
308
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:13,357
You're right on time.
There's something I wanna tell you.
309
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:17,160
I'm not the baby's mother.
I'm her grandmother.
310
00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:23,501
I don't believe this.
311
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,870
I should have told you sooner, but when we
first met, I was very attracted to you,
312
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,973
and I couldn't believe you
thought I was the baby's mother.
313
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,143
What were you thinkin' of?
314
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,477
Well, I thought,
"Who am I to judge?"
315
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:37,915
I was bald at 23.
316
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:41,151
Well, I guess this puts
an end to our relationship.
317
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:44,288
You probably don't want
to go out with a grandmother.
318
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,523
No, I'd-- I'd go out
with a grandmother.
319
00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:49,459
I don't want to go out
with someone I can't trust.
320
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,997
Goodbye, Blanche.
321
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:58,435
Well, that's that.
322
00:18:58,437 --> 00:18:59,937
No use cryin'.
323
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,139
Shall we take the baby
to the park?
324
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,709
Why? So you can
pick someone else up?
325
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,044
I really thought you were
gettin' to love Aurora,
326
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:11,582
but you were just usin' your
granddaughter to try and land a man.
327
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:12,816
Goodbye, Mama.
328
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,419
Thanks for baby-sittin'.
329
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,420
You won't have to do it again.
330
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:29,699
Oh, good, you're home for the
Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
331
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:31,768
The sauce is almost ready.
332
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:34,038
I'm not staying
for dinner tonight.
333
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,106
There's a meeting at Mensa.
334
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:39,443
That's the organization for
people with high IQs like mine.
335
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:42,279
You know, in St. Olaf
we had a chapter of Mensa,
336
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:45,248
and across the room was Girlsa.
337
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,386
No, wait,
those were the bathrooms
338
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:52,155
at St. Olaf's
only Italian restaurant.
339
00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:54,624
Hold it, Dorothy.
340
00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,061
Not stay for dinner?
Not stay for the sauce?
341
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,628
Miss the whole festival?
342
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,031
Where's your sense of family,
your sense of tradition?
343
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:04,935
Ma, it's just that I want to be
around my intellectual peers.
344
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,238
I got bad news for you,
Pussycat. You are.
345
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,905
I made up your IQ.
346
00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:12,443
I wasn't the brightest kid
in Brooklyn?
347
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,279
So I lied. Did it help you get
along with your honors class?
348
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:18,749
Yes, but...
Ma, you lied to me.
349
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,917
Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus,
Easter Bunny.
350
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:24,020
I've been messin' with your
head for almost 60 years.
351
00:20:28,693 --> 00:20:32,896
I guess you don't feel like
Sorten Kareerdybarten now.
352
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:36,300
That's Soren Kierkegaard.
353
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,935
I got her to say it again.
354
00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:41,971
What's goin' on?
355
00:20:41,973 --> 00:20:46,276
Oh, good, trollop.
Everybody grab a rock.
356
00:20:47,444 --> 00:20:50,080
Go on, throw 'em.
I don't care anymore.
357
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,983
Oh, honey, you still
that upset about Jason?
358
00:20:53,985 --> 00:20:56,119
I'm not upset about him.
359
00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:59,256
I would never get that
upset about a man.
360
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,824
Rebecca called,
asked if she could come over
361
00:21:01,826 --> 00:21:03,826
and get the baby's things.
362
00:21:03,828 --> 00:21:05,963
I asked her if we could talk.
363
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:08,232
She said we have nothin'
to talk about.
364
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,700
And we have so much
to talk about.
365
00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:13,437
The trouble is,
we always end up fightin'.
366
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:14,805
Look who's here!
367
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,941
Oh, Sophia, see if you can
get them to stay for dinner.
368
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:21,612
No, really, thank you.
I just came by to pick up a few things.
369
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:25,015
There's just plenty of food.
Thank you anyway.
370
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,150
I'll get the baby's things.
371
00:21:28,419 --> 00:21:30,420
Come on, it's 6:30.
372
00:21:30,422 --> 00:21:33,023
We're already five
minutes behind schedule.
373
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:35,425
Rose, before you
bring in the sauce,
374
00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:36,493
tell us what ingredient
you added.
375
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:38,962
I don't want to spoil
the surprise.
376
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,798
I'll give you a hint.
377
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:45,368
They're sugary
and they're grrrrreat!
378
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,442
Dorothy,
you're gonna have to do
379
00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:55,212
the Dance of the Virgins
by yourself.
380
00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:57,313
Ma!
You remember.
381
00:21:57,315 --> 00:22:00,651
It's like the bunny hop, except
you keep your legs crossed.
382
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,420
Ma, you're making this up.
383
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:04,821
I'm adding to it.
384
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:07,958
Once every year, the women
of my family got together.
385
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,861
They danced,
they laughed, they ate.
386
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:14,131
It was a celebration
of mothers and daughters.
387
00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:18,001
Don't turn your back
on your mother, Rebecca.
388
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:20,904
Don't let your little girl
grow up without a grandmother.
389
00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:25,876
I'm 85, and I still cherish all the
memories that I had with mine.
390
00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:27,811
(fussing)
391
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,981
I think I've got everything.
392
00:22:30,983 --> 00:22:34,317
Can I kiss Aurora goodbye?
393
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:35,719
No.
394
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:37,621
No?
395
00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:39,889
We're not goin' anywhere.
396
00:22:41,592 --> 00:22:44,360
Give me that baby.
397
00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:47,164
Ohh. Ohh.
398
00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:49,199
On with the feast.
399
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:52,536
Oh, Ma, I may not have
an IQ of 173,
400
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:57,074
but I know what you mean
by continuity and family.
401
00:22:57,076 --> 00:23:01,044
And next year,
I want to learn the sauce.
402
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,046
Deal, Pussycat.
It's not that hard.
403
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:06,049
First you get one large pot,
a dozen plump tomatoes
404
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:09,319
and one moron
to do all the work for you.
30553
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