All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 06x19 - Melodrama.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

Well, it's unspeakable,
that's what it is.

Absolutely unspeakable.

Oh, Blanche, are you pretending you
just found your first gray hair again?

Dorothy, just because you have to walk
around lookin' like an English lawyer

doesn't mean everybody has to.

For your information,

I'm upset because I had a
date, and he canceled.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Was it anybody special?

Well, that's not the point.

He might have taken me someplace
where I'd meet someone who is.

You know, it's amazing.

Beneath that thin veneer
of superficiality,

somehow, miraculously,

there is another
even thinner veneer.

What am I gonna do?

What on God's green earth
am I gonna do?

You can stay home tonight.

We're gonna watch one of those
John Bradshaw specials on PBS.

Yeah, we're gonna see if we can't get
Dorothy's inner child to shut up.

Good luck.

I'll call Mel Bushman.

Of course.
Mel Bushman.

Old reliable.
Mr. Backup.

How long has it been?

What, three years
that the two of you

have been insignificant others?

Yeah. Yes, it has been.

Mel and I have something
really unique.

We're like - I don't know.

What do you call it when two people
get together when they need somebody

but don't make demands on each
other when they're apart?

Out-call massage.

That's odd.
He's usually home by now.

Well, he is the zipper king.

Maybe he got stuck in traffic.

Ha-ha!

Tell me the truth.

Do these glasses
make me look stupid?

Let's just say
they don't hide it.

The consumer show
asked me to test

these chemically treated
lenses.

The theory is they don't fog up
when you come in from the cold.

Excuse me.

Rose, you wanna run
that looking stupid question

by us again?

I'm just doing my job.

Rose, leave the glasses in the
refrigerator, close the door

and keep your head
out here with us.

How will I know if they fog up?

The little man
who lives in there

who turns the light
on and off, he'll tell you.

I'm not in the mood for jokes,

especially
about the little man.

You know he scares me.

It's really
been hitting me lately.

Everybody's job
down at the TV station

is exciting but mine.

Well, then why not look for
a more challenging position?

I did hear something
about an opening

for a weekend news reporter.

Oh, what am I talking about?
I don't have any experience.

You don't need experience.

You've got the one thing
every TV reporter needs -

hair that doesn't move.

Dorothy, Sophia,
I told the news director

I was interested in the reporter's
position, and guess what he did.

A Danny Thomas
spit-take?

No, he's giving me
an actual news story

to cover as an audition.

So I was hoping
you could help me

get comfortable on camera

so I'll be ready when he
gives me my assignment.

You know, Rose,
that's not a bad idea.

This'll be the camera,

and let me see you
interview Dorothy.

Oh, no, no, no.
Not me, not me...

Oh, Dorothy, please.
I'm not good at this.

This is a pretend microphone.

It's really just a hairbrush.

All right, Rose.
Ready? Go!

This is Rose Nylund.

We're here chatting with my
good friend Dorothy Zbornak.

Welcome, Dorothy.

Hello. It's a pleasure
to be here.

So, can you tell me
what it -

Oh. So tell me, Dorothy,

what's it like
being a substitute teacher?

Rose, honey, excuse me, but I think
you should take another tack.

I'm not saying
that my job is boring...

Say it, Dorothy.
Say it.

No, I just feel you should ask
more probing questions.

Okey-dokey. Let's see.

Ah.

Isn't it a fact
that you have a drawer full

of retirement home brochures

and you're just waiting
for the first sign

of dribble
on your mother's chin

to lock her away forever?

(laughs) She -
She's kidding.

(laughs)

Your sock drawer, Dorothy.

You know, the -

the one you-know-who
can't reach?

I knew you were keeping pictures
there, but I had no idea.

You disgust me.

Look, I don't have to stand for this.
Nail her, Rose.

Nail her. Remember,
a good reporter

always gets her story,
no matter what.

That sock drawer
is my business.

Look, those times
that Ma makes me crazy,

I go into my room and have
some pretend time, OK?

This is Rose Nylund signing off
in a sad, sad situation.

Thanks, Dorothy.
That was fun.

Girls, I do not know
what I'm gonna do.

I called Mel all last night
and all of today.

I haven't gotten through to him yet.
Oh, the nerve.

If you wind up
having to read a book

because of that man...

Where can he be?

He never leaves the house,
not even for me.

What is this Bushman-ia
all of a sudden?

This is a man you see,
what, five times a year?

A man you yourself describe

as "Fred Flintstone
with a better car."

Well, I may say things
like that, but the truth is

Mel makes me feel young

and beautiful and special.

When we're together,
we laugh a lot.

Why wouldn't you?
You're both naked.

There's more to Mel and me
than just the physical, Sophia.

We share things.

I couldn't be intimate
with just anybody.

Oh, yeah? What about the guy who
painted our address on the curb?

You make it sound
like it was a one-night stand.

He'll be back when it's faded.

Honey, Mel's probably
just busy with work,

not answering the phone.

You'll reach him.
You always do.

Dorothy's right.
You're worrying for nothing.

I remember
back in St. Ol-

Hold it right there,
Will Rogers.

None of us is in the mood to hear
one of those St. Olaf stories.

Well, then, here's one
against your will.

But to show you
I'm a good sport,

I'll get right to the part that'll
make Blanche feel better.

Ah. Anyway...

...everybody in the village
hated Ingmar.

So we grabbed our torches

and climbed the hill
to his castle

and pounded
on the great oak door,

but there was no answer.

So we got a ladder, climbed up
to the window, and we peeked in,

and to our relief, there
was Ingmar lying on the -

Oh, wait a minute.
He was dead.

Oh, my God, Dorothy,
what if she's right?

What if something's
happened to Mel?

Good going, Rose.

Girls, I'm frightened.
You gotta go with me.

I gotta go check on Mel.
Oh, of course, honey.

But I'm telling you, you
have nothing to worry about.

Way to go, Rose.
I thought you said that story would help.

Well, it did.

You don't know how long I've been
waiting to get that one off my chest.

Oh, my God.

There must be two weeks'
worth of papers here.

Now calm down honey.
This doesn't say "dead."

It says...

OK, let's get this over with.

Maybe we better
think this over.

We don't have any right to go
breaking into somebody's home.

We're not breaking in.
I have a key.

Let's see.

"Baldwin,"

"Baxter"...

Ah, here it is.
"Bushman." No.

Oh, that's Al Bushman.

Here we go. "Mel Bushman."

You know, girls,
I've been thinkin'.

Ever since Mel and I met,

I always figured he'd be
around when I needed him,

but I never thought
about his needs.

All I cared about were mine.

I just always figured he'd
be available, and he was.

Oh, girls, he's always
been there for me.

I just took him for granted.

Oh, honey, honey, don't
do this to yourself.

You take everyone for granted.

Thank you, Dorothy.

Well, so far nothing seems
out of place.

Look at this Exercycle.
It's never been used.

Oh, yeah, we've been on it.
Don't ask, Ma.

Oh, Dorothy, look.

The zipper king's
one millionth zipper.

Ohh. I will never be able
to look at another zipper

without thinkin' of Mel.

Let it go, honey.
Let it go.

Mel, is that really you?!

No, it's Claus Von Bulow.

Oh, Mel, it's great to see you.

Blanche thought you were dead.

She did?
I love it.

What makes you think something
could kill Mel Bushman?

Where have you been?

I was on a vacation.
What's the big deal?

What made you think I was dead?

If Mel Bushman doesn't answer my
call, then something must be wrong.

You weren't there
when I needed you.

You're always there
when I need you.

Well, when you deliver
such services,

every once in a while, a
man's gotta take a vacation.

All that matters now
is you're alive.

You're alive,
and we're together,

and I'm never gonna let you go.

Tell me she's being dramatic.

When I thought
I would never see you again,

I began to realize
just how much you meant to me

and how much
I've taken you for granted

and how many things I never
had a chance to say to you.

What I'm trying to say

is I realize
how much you mean to me

and that I don't need
anybody else.

I wanna be a one-man woman,
and you're it.

Mel Bushman, I love you.

I'm all ready for my big date.

What big date?
You're going out with Mel Bushman.

I know.
Isn't it wonderful?

Tonight, Mel and I are starting
a brand-new relationship.

Do you realize how rare it is

to find out the person
you've been sleeping with

is the person you love?

No, but you can't go by me.
I have morals.

Oh.

Girls, great news.

I got my assignment,
and it's a biggie.

Oh, yeah, a biggie.
Real big.

Big, big, big.
Cat show?

Dog show.

Miami's 13th annual.

Oh, that's right, ladies.

This afternoon, I'm gonna get
the scoop on man's best friend.

Oh, congratulations, honey.

I know you're gonna do
a great job.

Oh, I just wish my mother and
father were here to see this.

Because they'd be
so proud of you?

No, because they'd be alive.

Oh! My God,
I've got goose bumps.

Mel will be here any minute.

Why are you so jumpy?
You've been out with Mel a thousand times.

I know, but now
there's more at stake.

Everything's changed.
It's all new and exciting.

In many ways, I feel just the
way I felt when I was a virgin.

You mean, the feeling
isn't gonna last long?

Are you implying I lost my
virginity at an early age?

I'm just saying you're lucky Jack and
Jill magazine didn't have a gossip column.

Ma!

Please, Pussycat,
I'm on a roll.

I'm sorry, Sophia, but I am
not gonna let your skepticism

ruin my entire evening.

Mel and I were meant
to be together.

I wish I could say the same
for your thighs.

God, I'm hot tonight.

I'm not gonna stand for this.
Take it, Dorothy.

But I'll bet
you'll lay down for it.

Well, that was just plain rude.

Some people just don't know
when to quit.

Look how they pamper
these dogs.

They eat when they want to,
sleep when they want to,

go to the bathroom
anywhere they -

Hey, I do have it pretty good.

Now, if I could just get you
to crack the window

when you lock me in the car...

Ma, stop it.
Now, I want you to behave yourself.

We're here to give Rose
moral support on her big day,

and I don't want you doing or
saying anything to embarrass her.

Hi, girls.
Oh, hi, Rose.

This is Andy.
He's my cameraman.

Andy, these are my friends.

Where do you think
we should set up?

I'm not sure, Mrs. Nylund.
To tell you the truth, this is my audition, too.

How about over there?

Whatever you say.
Whatever you say.

The blind
videotaping the blind.

Here goes.

And... we're rolling.

We're here at the 13th annual
Miami Pet Dog Expo,

where you're going
- All right, everybody, hands up!

All right, you, behind the
desk, I want the cash.

Everyone else, I want wallets
and jewelry! Move it!

For God's sake,
we've gotta do something.

But he's got a gun.
What are we gonna do?

I'm gonna do the only thing
a good reporter can do.

Get the story no matter what.

All right, now you
just point your camera

and do exactly as I say.

Give me the ring.

Yes! Hurry up!

This'll be far enough.

Thanks very much for making
this evening a total disaster.

Sweetheart,
give yourself some credit.

It wouldn't have been
a total disaster without you.

Oh... really, Mr.
"No Guy With an Earring Parks My Car"?

My God. You'd think an
elegant restaurant like that

would bring out
the best in a man.

What it brought out
was $250 from my wallet.

It was a special occasion.

Where I come from,
$250 is 5 special occasions...

and a bottle of Scotch.

You'd think for all that money,
they'd hang a picture on the wall.

The minimalist décor

is designed
to enhance conversation.

Nothing to look at,
what's to talk about?

I would think
I would be enough.

Talk about you? We didn't have
to go out on a date to do that.

You think I'm borin'?

No, sweetheart,
I think you're fantastic.

With a guy like me, a little
fantastic goes a long way.

I mean, look what we got now.

Every couple of weeks you call me when
one of your boyfriends don't show up.

I tell ya, "Bushman awaits."

We rent a movie,
we order some takeout,

we talk about you.

That's entertainment.

I love that.

And we cuddle.

Sometimes we do more
than cuddle.

Sometimes you stay.

That's the part
I like the best -

when you stay.

Every couple of weeks, you bring a
little class to Bushman's place.

Why, Mel Bushman, are
you sayin' you love me?

Yeah. I love you.

I love you the way we are now.

But, sweetheart, you start
with relationships and love,

and I gotta put on a tie twice a
week to eat food I can't even see...

I mean, we got a problem.

I guess that without
thinkin' about it,

you've become a very
comfortable part of my life.

When I thought
you were... gone,

suddenly life wasn't
so comfortable anymore.

I really missed you.

Nah, you missed knowing
Bushman awaits. Mm.

Hey, I haven't spent this much
time thinking about feelings

since we rented
the Alan Alda collection.

Mel, I think
it's pretty obvious

our new relationship
just isn't gonna work out.

I don't think so.

Why don't we call it off
and go back to being friends?

I got a great idea.
Why don't you come over to my place?

I'm hungry. I'll go to
Wolfie's, get some pastrami.

We can rent Out of Africa.

We've rented it five times and
never made it through to the end.

I know, but it always works.

I do love you, Mel,
as a friend.

Like I said, sweetheart,
you got a lot of class.

Life sucks.

Hi, Mel.

You run on home, and I'll be
over soon as I check on Rose.

Bushman awaits.

I didn't get it.
What?

I didn't get the job!

Oh, Rose, your little
dog show not go well?

I'm so sorry.
Let's talk about me, then.

Blanche, Rose did something
absolutely incredible tonight.

There was a robbery
at the dog show.

Ma and I were held hostage.

Rose was
the only reporter there.

Well, shoot,
I missed everything.

Let's see the tape.
OK.

This is Rose Nylund
for Channel 8 News

here at the Miami Pet Dog Expo,

and I am an eyewitness
to something shocking...

(gunshots)

...people who look
like their dogs.

I said keep quiet
and don't move!

That handsome fella you see back
there with his hand in the air

is Brian Kingsley
of Boca Raton.

With him
is his best buddy Barney,

a basset hound you'd swear
was a member of his family.

As we move closer,

you'll notice Barney's collar

matches Brian's Rolex.

What do you think so far?

I'm glad I wasn't there.
TV does put 10 pounds on you.

I'm here beneath
the information table

with Bill Peterson and his similarly
profiled bulldog Churchill.

It's amazing. That bulldog
could be your brother.

But I guess you get that a lot.
Actually, I do.

(gunshots)

Uh, could we
discuss this later?

Wow.

Oh, thank you, Blanche,
but there's more.

The police
have just informed me

that there was also a robbery
by an unidentified man.

Perhaps this little fella
knows who he is.

I did that last part
after everything quieted down.

I thought it would kinda
tie things together.

(all) Wow.

You didn't cover
the robbery at all?

Was I wrong again?

I mean, I could have
covered the holdup,

but it would have seemed like I
was giving in to sensationalism.

I'm a reporter, damn it.

They sent me to cover a story,
and that's what I did.

I don't believe this.

Rose, this was the
opportunity of a lifetime,

a one-in-a-million shot.

How could -
How could -

How could they not
have given you the job?

Maybe the issue here
is one of -

Oh, God, what can we call it?

Editorial judgment.

Really? You think so?
Oh, yes, Rose.

Yes, I do.

I guess it just isn't
the story they wanted.

Damn, you're good.

Thank you, Dorothy.

That makes me feel
so much better.

To tell you the truth, I'm still
not ashamed of what I did today.

If Deborah Norville stopped for every serious
news story that happened around her,

she wouldn't be
where she is today.

Well, Bushman awaits.

You know,
I learned something tonight.

A relationship is more
than sex and fun

and videos and good times.

Thank God
this isn't a relationship.