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1
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♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,707
♪ Traveled down the roadand back again
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:15,713
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:19,584
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:25,023
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:28,326
♪ You would seethe biggest
giftwould be from me
8
00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:31,296
♪ And the card attachedwould say
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00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:36,000
♪ "Thank youfor being a friend" ♪
10
00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:06,130
Checkmate.
Checkmate?
11
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,500
I thought we were
playing Yahtzee.
12
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:16,775
OK, that's a do-over. No, that is not a do-over.
You do this every time.
13
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,910
Last time you thought
it was checkers,
14
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,344
before that it was Battleship,
15
00:01:20,346 --> 00:01:22,948
and twice you yelled out
"snake eyes!"
16
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:29,454
No, that was for you.
It was a mascara note.
17
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:38,096
Anyway, I can get out of this.
The game's not over till the fat lady sings.
18
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,765
♪ I'm singing in the rain ♪
19
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,834
Hi, girls.
20
00:01:45,304 --> 00:01:47,439
You're in a good mood, Rose.
21
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,375
Is someone expecting her
"special visitor" tonight?
22
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,143
Oh, don't be silly, Blanche.
23
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,779
I haven't had my "special
visitor" in years.
24
00:01:59,852 --> 00:02:04,255
Neither have I. It's amazing, when you live
with women, you get on the same cycle.
25
00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:09,628
I am talking about
your date, Rose.
26
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,963
Who is this secret man
you're seeing?
27
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,899
Oh, it's not a secret. His name's Ray.
He's a friend of Miles'.
28
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:18,837
You are dating a friend of Miles'?
You scallywag!
29
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:22,040
You skunkweed!
30
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,175
What's that mean?
31
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,410
I don't know.
What does yours mean?
32
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:28,013
Girls, Ray and I aren't dating.
33
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,915
Miles is in Europe
with some students,
34
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:33,150
and I needed an escort for the
Children's Hospital fund-raiser.
35
00:02:33,152 --> 00:02:36,221
Miles suggested I take Ray.
As a friend, that's all.
36
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:38,023
You're missing
a prime opportunity.
37
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:41,459
Dating a boyfriend's
friend is exciting.
38
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:44,829
Take it from me.
I wrote the book on dating.
39
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,265
Really? What's it called?
40
00:02:49,301 --> 00:02:52,537
It doesn't have a title,
you twit.
41
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:57,208
Hi... Oh, sorry.
Well, good night.
42
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,877
Oh, you going to bed already?
43
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:01,580
What's terrible
about going right to bed?
44
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:05,183
Hey, Blanche, that's a
great title for your book!
45
00:03:10,355 --> 00:03:12,657
Rose told us about
this secret date.
46
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,526
I don't know what
you're talking about.
47
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:19,664
Rose has something called a "date," Dorothy.
How can I explain this?
48
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:24,135
Remember when you went to a restaurant
and a man pulled out your chair?
49
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,804
Well, if that had been a date,
he would have warned you first.
50
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:31,442
I thought you were
going out with Stan.
51
00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:35,013
I am. I am.
See you later.
52
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,082
Oh, Blanche, favor?
53
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:40,084
Oh, Dorothy, come on.
This has been going on for months now.
54
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,954
"I have a date with Stan.
Can I borrow your bike?"
55
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:47,125
He can't pick me up or my mother'll hear the car.
You think I'm proud of this?
56
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:50,262
Go on, honey, take the bike.
Thank you.
57
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,697
Dorothy?
I'm just going around the block.
58
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,799
Dorothy!
Oh, God.
59
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:58,236
I hate what this
does to my hair.
60
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:08,179
What's the matter, honey?
Did you have a bad time with Ray?
61
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:11,716
It wasn't Ray.
His ex-wife, Myra,
62
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:15,620
ran into the Chowderhead's, where we
were eating, and started yelling at me.
63
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:20,024
Then she grabbed a lobster out of the
tank and forced me out of the booth.
64
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,628
How is the lobster
at Chowderhead's?
65
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:27,498
Scary. So I don't
know what to do.
66
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:31,536
I tried to convince Myra that he's just
a friend, but she wouldn't listen.
67
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:35,807
She won't accept the divorce.
I feel threatened.
68
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,242
Oh, please, that's no threat.
Where I come from,
69
00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:43,214
when someone wanted to make a point,
they'd tie a string around your finger.
70
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:48,620
Well, come to think of it, it wasn't
a string, it was a piano wire.
71
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:52,223
Actually, it wasn't your
finger, it was your neck.
72
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,860
Anyway, it was very popular.
In fact, piano wire
73
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:59,431
was our village's
second biggest export.
74
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,701
You know what our biggest export was?
(both) No.
75
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,837
Too bad.
I don't remember either.
76
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,841
My God, I've left brain cells
all over the Eastern Seaboard.
77
00:05:12,678 --> 00:05:14,779
Psst. Psst.
Where's Ma?
78
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,614
Who?
Ma. Where's Ma?
79
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,384
In the cemetery in St. Olaf.
80
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,287
Why do you want to know?
81
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:26,224
Because I thought we'd all go out and
toilet paper the Westons' house.
82
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,326
My Ma!
83
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,628
Don't worry,
she's gone to bed already.
84
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,364
Well, did you have
a good time tonight?
85
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,699
Oh, it was wonderful.
86
00:05:35,701 --> 00:05:38,837
Oh, girls, I cannot tell you
87
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,072
how nice it is
to be with Stan lately.
88
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,476
He's fun and attentive
and sweet.
89
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:47,545
Oh, even in the bedroom,
he's just...
90
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:52,117
Well, he's really brought new
meaning to the word "solicitous."
91
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,451
(Rose giggles)
92
00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:03,528
What was the old meaning again?
93
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:12,470
Dorothy, do you love him?
94
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:15,273
Well, what does
that mean, Blanche?
95
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:18,276
He was my husband, he was
the father of my children.
96
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,011
Of course I have
feelings for him.
97
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,247
Uh-huh.
Well, what are they?
98
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,715
Love.
99
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:28,853
I guess I love him.
Oh, I can't believe it.
100
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:32,623
Of course I don't love the fact that he still
keeps his toupee in the lettuce crisper.
101
00:06:34,426 --> 00:06:38,362
But it does look fresher,
and you deal with it.
102
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,535
Dorothy, if you do love
him, tell your mother.
103
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:47,806
She's gonna find out.
Don't you think it's better coming from you?
104
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:51,643
Oh, I guess so. That's settled.
Now let's get a move on.
105
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:55,446
Where you going? To get the toilet
paper for the Westons' house.
106
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:02,587
But remember, we have
to be really quiet.
107
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,556
Dreyfuss will bark at anything,
and Barbara carries a gun.
108
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,361
Oh, what the hell.
109
00:07:16,168 --> 00:07:19,337
I understand, dear,
but we're not dating.
110
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:22,207
Is that the woman who threatened
you with the lobster?
111
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,875
Why are you talking to her?
112
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,044
She keeps calling.
What should I do?
113
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,612
I'll get you off that phone.
114
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,849
Rose, I've fallen and can't get up.
Help me!
115
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:38,623
I can't help you right now.
I'm on the phone.
116
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:47,599
Myra... Myra, please.
117
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:51,335
Who's on the phone?
It's that woman from the restaurant.
118
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:53,938
Give me the phone.
119
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:57,041
So, uh, you're Myra.
120
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,344
Who am I?
Some call me Sophia.
121
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:04,048
Others know me
as "The Terminator."
122
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:07,352
Of course, these people have corneas
that look like cotton balls.
123
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:10,021
Maybe I better talk.
124
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,923
Is that right? Well, listen,
Myra, I'm not afraid of you.
125
00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:17,428
I'm from Sicily. You know what the
number one export of our village is?
126
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,265
Ransom notes.
127
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:23,167
I had a flashback in the can.
128
00:08:27,239 --> 00:08:29,307
She hung up.
129
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:32,043
She's not so tough
without her lobster.
130
00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:38,149
She must really be nuts
about that ex-husband.
131
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,885
You'd have to be crazy to want
a relationship that badly.
132
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:43,922
I don't know what
you're talking about.
133
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:47,625
Relationships, Dorothy.
Human relationships.
134
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:50,795
Remember when that guy asked
you to sleep over? Yes.
135
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,164
If that had been a relationship, you
would've been called a girlfriend
136
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,466
instead of a dogsitter.
137
00:09:03,441 --> 00:09:08,212
Ma. I'm not proud of this, but there's
something I have to show you.
138
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:16,754
Oh, please.
I've done a lot worse.
139
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,723
I've done panties over pants,
140
00:09:21,025 --> 00:09:23,293
bras over blouses.
141
00:09:23,295 --> 00:09:26,798
One Easter I wore a shower
cap over my bonnet.
142
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:31,703
No, Ma. I'm going out tonight..
with Stan.
143
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,772
No.
Yes, Ma, I really am.
144
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,707
I believe you.
I said no.
145
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:44,983
Ma, I've been seeing him secretly for
months now, and we're getting close.
146
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:48,286
I see.
So, what can I say?
147
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,421
Will you do me one favor
on your way out?
148
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,324
Will you back over me
with the car?
149
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:57,028
I knew you'd take it well.
150
00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:00,031
Ma, I am going to
continue seeing Stan,
151
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:03,367
and there's nothing you can do
to make me feel guilty about it.
152
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,102
Where are you going?
153
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,371
Chest pains.
154
00:10:09,808 --> 00:10:13,044
Ma, it's not going to work!
I don't feel guilty!
155
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,345
Dorothy!
Nobody help her.
156
00:10:15,347 --> 00:10:17,982
We all know she's fine.
We all know what she's doing.
157
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,317
God, I hate that woman. Ma!
158
00:10:23,388 --> 00:10:27,457
I have some news.
I told my mother about us.
159
00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:30,962
You're kidding?
How did she take it? Pretty well.
160
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,731
Chest pains?
161
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:36,000
You remember.
162
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,770
Hey, you don't forget
your wedding day.
163
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,907
Eat your potato.
164
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:47,845
What? Oh, honey, no.
I know it's a very important vegetable to you,
165
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:50,248
but I'm really stuffed.
166
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,182
Then stick your finger in it.
167
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:02,260
Stan, you pig.
168
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:05,897
Come on. I don't ask much.
Oh, all right.
169
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,731
But we're gonna
get you a hobby.
170
00:11:11,603 --> 00:11:13,671
Something hard in here.
171
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:17,574
It's a...
it's a scalding hot ring!
172
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:25,316
Oh, Stan.
It's beautiful!
173
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,221
And it's for you, Dorothy.
And it's for keeps.
174
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,624
I am through with the single life.
The ski bunnies, the bar scene.
175
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:37,962
The puka shells. Oh, Stanley,
please say the puka shells.
176
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:42,099
Well, you're not leaving me a whole
lot of personality room, are you?
177
00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:44,635
All right, the puka shells.
178
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,104
So, what I'm saying is...
179
00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:54,111
will you marry me, Dorothy?
180
00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:57,548
You know, again?
181
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:01,218
Dorothy, these last few
months have been incredible.
182
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,354
After all the struggling, we're
finally into the good stuff.
183
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:07,291
Let's share it.
184
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,160
I don't know what to say.
185
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:12,863
Don't you see?
We belong together.
186
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:18,969
We're... an artful complement
of individual tastes,
187
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:21,872
enhanced instead
of concealed by each other.
188
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:25,176
And served
in our natural juices.
189
00:12:29,314 --> 00:12:31,381
You got that from the menu.
190
00:12:35,853 --> 00:12:39,589
It was the special.
191
00:12:39,591 --> 00:12:44,896
Cajun prime rib.
But I think it applies.
192
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,364
Yes.
Yes?
193
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:51,235
Yes, yes, yes. Stanley, I will marry you.
You know, again.
194
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:54,972
You've made me so happy.
I feel so lucky. I'm the lucky one.
195
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:57,275
Dorothy Zbornak
is going to be my wife.
196
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,178
I want to shout it from the rooftops.
I just want to tell the whole world!
197
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,546
Me too!
198
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,814
But not my mother.
But not your mother.
199
00:13:11,623 --> 00:13:14,125
What you doing, Rose?
200
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:17,028
Myra's been calling me at work
and threatening me,
201
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:20,464
so I'm fixing a flashlight
to walk out to my car at night.
202
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:24,068
In case she's planning
on surprising me. Good.
203
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:27,738
Women should always check their cars
at night before they get in 'em.
204
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:31,142
Blanche,
that's a wonderful idea.
205
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:34,378
I was just gonna shine it under my
chin to make myself look scarier.
206
00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:41,586
I am really afraid.
I'm gonna call the police.
207
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:44,488
Well, that's a good idea, honey.
Better safe than sorry.
208
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:49,293
Girls, girls, guess what happened tonight.
Give us a hint.
209
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:52,063
The best thing that could
happen to a woman.
210
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:56,367
The circus!
The circus is in town!
211
00:13:56,369 --> 00:14:00,071
No, no, Rose. No.
It's about Stan.
212
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:03,140
Well, I was close.
213
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,910
Stan asked me to marry him.
214
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:07,311
And?
215
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:10,047
And I accepted.
216
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:12,215
Oh! Oh!
I don't know what to say.
217
00:14:12,217 --> 00:14:15,219
Well, I sure as hell do.
Group hug!
218
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:19,756
Oh, honey! Oh, Dorothy!
The ring! The ring! The ring!
219
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:22,960
Oh, Dorothy, it's beautiful!
220
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:24,695
Oh, are those baguettes?
221
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,997
No. They're little
pieces of potato.
222
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:35,439
He hid the ring in the potato.
223
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,274
Ah!
224
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:43,614
Honey, if this is what you want,
we couldn't be happier.
225
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,248
Oh, it certainly is.
226
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,518
Oh, well, this is great.
And you know what we're gonna do?
227
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,820
We're gonna have a big shower,
228
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:53,291
and a beautiful wedding out on the lanai.
It'll be wonderful.
229
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:58,629
From here on in, I guess I'm going to have
to get used to calling you Dorothy Zbornak.
230
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:05,336
Rose, you've always called me
Dorothy Zbornak.
231
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,905
I know, but I never
really meant it.
232
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:15,379
So! Another tenants' meeting
I wasn't told about.
233
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:18,749
What's the topic this time?
How to lose the old lady?
234
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,251
No, Ma,
we're past the old business.
235
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:24,087
We're into new business.
236
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,924
Ma...
237
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,660
Ma, Stan gave me
an engagement ring.
238
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,929
I see. Excuse me.
239
00:15:44,309 --> 00:15:46,711
Ma, that's a microwave!
240
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:51,615
I know. I want to get this over
with as quickly as possible.
241
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,117
Oh, Ma, I thought
you'd be happy for me.
242
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:58,055
I mean, Stan has changed.
He's made a commitment. He's matured.
243
00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:01,258
Sophia, he put
the ring in a potato.
244
00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:09,433
You're not helping, Rose.
245
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:12,136
What happened to the commitment
he made the last time?
246
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:15,639
This one's different. No, it's not.
He'll hurt you again.
247
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,408
A promise means
nothing to this man.
248
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:21,111
You'll give the ring back.
That's my final word.
249
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:27,451
No, excuse me, you'll pawn the ring.
That's my final word.
250
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:37,461
"To keep Stan warm on those cold
winter nights: a head cozy."
251
00:16:40,865 --> 00:16:44,802
Lois, this is just too much.
Where'd you find such a ridiculous thing?
252
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,004
I make them myself.
253
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:52,410
And it's the perfect
color for Stan.
254
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,846
You crossed your legs.
You lose another sticker.
255
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,281
Oh, Rose.
256
00:16:57,283 --> 00:17:01,152
Rose, these games of yours
are absolutely ridiculous.
257
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:06,423
I can't think of anyone with enough control
to keep her legs apart all the time.
258
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,798
More chips?
259
00:17:16,934 --> 00:17:19,937
I just got off the phone.
That stripper you called is on his way over.
260
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,573
Great, I'll start
another game in the meantime.
261
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,975
Everybody, pay attention.
New game.
262
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,777
(all) Ugh!
263
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:31,382
Oh, this is a St. Olaf favorite.
Everybody puts on a blindfold
264
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,018
and then they choose a partner.
265
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,922
And then they think of a number and
the other person thinks of an object.
266
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:41,458
And then the bride tags someone
and they call out their number
267
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:46,263
and then they switch with her,
and so on and so on and so on.
268
00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:49,833
However many switches there are,
269
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:52,769
that's the number of children
the bride will have.
270
00:17:56,475 --> 00:18:00,544
And the numbers have to add up
and you can collect the objects.
271
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,379
OK, everybody,
put on your blindfold.
272
00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:07,484
Everybody wearing 'em?
(all) Yes!
273
00:18:10,388 --> 00:18:14,491
OK, spatula, 11!
274
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:20,464
Sorry to interrupt.
I got a call from a Mrs. Rose Nylund.
275
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:21,932
The woman inside
said you'd be here.
276
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:25,335
My God.
You are just perfect!
277
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,505
Now look,
that is her right there.
278
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:31,842
She doesn't suspect a thing.
You got your handcuffs?
279
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,977
Well, yes.
OK, great.
280
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:38,949
Now look, when I give you
one of these... Hiya!
281
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,651
...you go into your dance.
You got it?
282
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,520
Listen, I think
there's been a mistake...
283
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:45,989
Oh, my goodness,
just look who's here!
284
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:50,694
Why, we must have the music up
too loud. I'll turn it down.
285
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,996
(♪ stripper)
286
00:18:54,065 --> 00:18:56,367
There's your criminal.
287
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,903
Prosecute her
to the utmost of the law!
288
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:01,739
Hello!
289
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,474
Blanche!
290
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,809
Oh, can you believe this?
The stripper's here
291
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:10,714
and we're missing it, all because
of these stupid blindfolds!
292
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:14,685
OK, Furillo, drop your pants.
293
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:19,190
It's time for a little
search and seizure.
294
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:21,559
Touch me again
and you'll go to prison, lady!
295
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,062
Honk, honk!
296
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:28,699
Blanche!
Blanche, we have company.
297
00:19:38,843 --> 00:19:40,577
This means you're a real cop?
298
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:43,546
Yes, ma'am.
299
00:19:43,548 --> 00:19:47,651
The name is Devereaux.
Blanche Devereaux.
300
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,286
Whoo!
301
00:19:55,727 --> 00:20:00,164
Sophia, honey, you really ought to go out on the lanai.
You're missing quite a shower.
302
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:04,935
I'm not missing anything. Where I'm from
the marriages are arranged by the parents.
303
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:08,639
Is that what's bothering you, Sophia?
Nobody asked your permission?
304
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,140
It's the Italian tradition.
305
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,842
What do you think Fiddler
on the Roof was about?
306
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:17,147
That's a Jewish musical.
307
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,682
What do you mean Jewish?
308
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:22,987
I remember there was Enzo
Stuarti, Dom DeLuise...
309
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:26,823
Boy, I've got to stop seeing
these things at dinner theaters.
310
00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:32,162
How's it going out there?
311
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,630
The stripper used to be a cop,
312
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,866
and the cop always
wanted to be a dancer.
313
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:38,902
Now they're wearing each other's
hats and it's really getting weird.
314
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:44,174
Ma still won't join us?
She's still upset.
315
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:46,810
Oh, I cannot believe
that she's this stubborn.
316
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,312
Maybe you ought to take
a different approach with her.
317
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:51,081
You know,
a more traditional one.
318
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,917
Like? Ah, I don't know.
Like, um...
319
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:57,254
Set up a meeting and have
Stan ask for your hand.
320
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,223
In an Italian sort of way.
321
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,159
Well, what do you want me to do?
Go in, bow my head and kiss her ring?
322
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:05,496
Hey, you know something?
That just might work.
323
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:09,733
I mean, she thinks
of herself as the Godfather.
324
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:13,403
I'll just make her an offer
that she can't remember.
325
00:21:18,843 --> 00:21:21,210
Sophia, thank you for coming.
326
00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:29,687
I want you to know
how grateful we are
327
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:31,655
that you are seeing us
at this time.
328
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:33,524
Did I sit down?
Have I sat down yet?
329
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,627
I'm sorry.
330
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:37,994
No, I mean, am I this short?
331
00:21:37,996 --> 00:21:40,196
My God, you two
are like redwoods.
332
00:21:45,337 --> 00:21:47,737
So, as is tradition,
333
00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:50,407
I am ready to accept your
various gifts and offerings.
334
00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:53,610
You may begin, Dorothy.
335
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:58,248
I appreciate your sense of ritual,
Ma, but just so you know,
336
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:01,318
I still have Shady Pines
on the speed-dial.
337
00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:06,623
Moving on.
What do you want, Stan?
338
00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:08,792
Stan wants to talk to
you about the wedding.
339
00:22:08,794 --> 00:22:10,894
Are you Stan?
Am I talking to you?
340
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:14,965
I'm Stan, Sophia.
Over here.
341
00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:18,135
Oh, sorry. I thought it was like one
of those "am I sitting" questions.
342
00:22:19,070 --> 00:22:21,572
Anyway, Sophia,
it occurred to me
343
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:25,175
that I never actually asked your
permission to marry your daughter,
344
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:29,312
and well, I guess in asking her
hand, I'm also asking your hand.
345
00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:33,450
So, what do you say?
Will you be my mother-in-law?
346
00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:36,452
Marrying us both, eh?
347
00:22:36,454 --> 00:22:42,659
So, uh, I suppose one could say
six years ago you left us both.
348
00:22:42,661 --> 00:22:47,397
Of course, that was after you spent the
entire marriage cheating on us both.
349
00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:51,168
The only difference is, you
haven't been forgiven by us both.
350
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,270
So the answer is no.
351
00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:55,672
I don't trust you, Stan.
352
00:22:55,674 --> 00:23:00,177
And where there is no trust,
there is no family.
353
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:03,514
You marry this man
and we're no longer family.
354
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:06,183
You do this,
355
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:08,885
you are out of my life forever.
28700
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