Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

Good. A fresh one.

Hello? Do you speak English or no? Can I use your phone...

Damn, Pony, we have to be in LA in a week.

How do we get Melanie out of the mirror?

She has to walk out, obviously.

No, Pony, the mirror broke, remember?

Oh right. Everything always goes in one ear and out the other.

But she can only come out of the same mirror she went into.

So we have to put it back together?

Yes, but you have to be careful not to let her reflection out.

You know how they are... so jealous and tricky. Andrés knows.

No, Pony, that was my shadow that escaped.

- What a nightmare! - Everyone at the party

was looking for my shadow. So embarrassing.

- Yeah. - Well, let's focus.

Glue.

Yes, move that one. Move it, move it.

Hold it tightly, but be careful not to touch it.

It hurts when I touch it for some reason.

And then the red comes out.

Listen to me, little girl from Ohio. If you want Melanie back,

you have to reassemble the mirror. Melanie, mirror.

Keep moving it. Don't be afraid. Move it.

I already told you over the phone, I can't help you with the visas.

But we brought the forms and our photos.

I'm sorry, but only Melanie can expedite a visa application.

Then what are all those people doing?

Well, they run the embassy's Instagram and Twitter accounts.

Basically, their parents have really good connections.

Listen, if you give us a chance...

So, Tati, how's your existential crisis going?

Are you feeling better about what we talked about?

Yes. I bought these sunglasses and my confidence skyrocketed.

And I met someone new, and this time, he really is a prince.

That's right... old habits die hard.

He's a great listener. I've told him all about how stressful

this amazing opportunity with Hierbalite has gotten.

Damn.

- She won't budge. - She said no to the bribe?

- I didn't bribe her. - Why not? Were you embarrassed?

Hey, Alexandra...

- Yes. - One question...

Can we bribe you?

Well, this is the US embassy... so of course you can.

Thank you very much, Alexandra.

Well, we've been offered a gig, but I've turned it down several times

because the person seems really difficult.

But, if we take the gig, we can use the money for the bribe.

- How difficult could it be? - What else are we gonna do?

But one of us has to follow up with the beach gig.

The tourist attraction? I can go.

No, you can't go alone.

Yeah, you're right. I should stay here and buy

more Hierbalite products to sell.

All right, Tati. Go alone.

Dr. Lucrecia?

You're a little early, but you're here now,

and there's nothing we can do about it.

I assume you're Renaldo.

Yes, and these are my friends, Andrés and Úrsula.

Very well, nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Lucrecia.

This way... Can you please take off your shoes?

Don't you see you're tracking mud?

Actually, no, no, no. Keep them on. I don't want to see those socks.

God, it's so difficult to work with unprofessional people!

Well, basically, the government has given me a grant

to finish my research.

A very prestigious grant that's very difficult to obtain.

And they gave it to me. This grant is

for experiments with extraterrestrial life.

But I've been so busy with mundocinema.net,

my movie review website,

because some of us really do think critically about movies.

Okay, so, what exactly would you like us to do?

I was literally about to answer that question

if only you would've let me finish.

The government wants to come check in on my research,

and the truth is I've been so busy with mundocinema.net

that I haven't had time to work on the aliens.

As you can see, there are no aliens walking around here.

I don't have any, nor would I know where to find one.

That's why I need you, all of you... yes, all of you,

to help me find some aliens

so that my presentation to the government is a success.

I think we can do that, yes.

I don't know how you can say that so easily

without even hearing my specifications.

Can you let me finish, please?!

I need them to be green. Completely green.

With penetrating gazes and black eyes.

Oh, and one very important thing...

I need them to be naked, completely naked, but with no genitals!

Zero genitals. Do you understand when I say, "zero genitals"?

Naked but no genitals.

Naked but no genitals. Do you understand?

Don't make me repeat myself because it's very embarrassing.

And don't humiliate me in front of the government.

And one of them should like E.T.

So you mean small and wrinkly...

No, no, no. E.T.! E.T. E.T.

Understood, yes?

So like long fingers...

No! Goddammit. E.T.!

E.T. Do I have to spell it out for you? Look at how absurd this is.

- E.T.! - E.T.

- Let's go. - Just one sec.

Well, that's everything. Thank you.

Yabba dabba doo!

- Picture! - Yabba dabba doo!

Well, it's not a sea monster, but people like it.

Yabba dabba doo!

The beach town that's fallen victim to a sea monster

now seems to be home to Marilyn Monroe's ghost,

which has been possessed by Fred Flintstone.

All this and more on Mira Esto.

Mommy.

I don't feel very well.

Something tells me I should go to the beach.

Fine. Go get some air at the beach.

It's time to hold new auditions.

DOWNLOADING: THE KING'S SPEECH DOWNLOAD ERROR

Renaldo.

Did you... Did you get the script that we sent you?

Yes, Uncle, it's great.

But I wanted to tell you we had an issue with the visas.

We still don't have them, so we can't go to LA,

but we're working on it.

What is the matter, Tico? Is there a problem?

- No, no problem. - The problem is the only person

who can get us the visas is the US ambassador,

and she's kind of trapped.

When are the makeup artists

arriving to help with the punch-ups on the script?

Really soon. You know,

there's traffic on the way to the airport, so...

Traffic? No, no, no, no. That...

what if they don't even make it here?

Traffic is the worst possible news you could give me right now.

It's gonna be fine. They'll be here.

Uncle, I know Bianca Nova

is probably a very busy woman,

but if you could somehow contact her

and tell her we had this issue...

but we're working on it and we'll make it happen.

- She's very important... - Yeah.

- ...and very busy but... - Tico. Tico.

Did you save your receipt? I need the bathroom code.

I don't want to buy a water.

Well, I think that things are going really good,

and we'll talk really soon.

Okay. Bye.

Hey, Renaldo, I don't know if you read the script written by our hero,

but... maybe I'm just in a bad mood

because of all my parasitic demon drama...

...but the script is really bad.

It's ten pages long,

and it's about a valet who's a werewolf,

and most of the movie is about him

trying to find Anne Hathaway's car keys.

That's awesome!

And the grand finale is that he finds Anne Hathaway's keys.

Look guys, obviously it doesn't look good on paper.

It's a visual piece. That's why she needs us.

Hi, Úrsula. The PDF you sent me is too big.

I can't scan it with my antivirus software.

Who knows what you're sending me! I can't put my PC at risk!

What is this? I mean, really...

Dr. Lucrecia is crazy. She won't stop sending me voicemails.

I haven't gotten any.

Guys, I know we're all dealing with a lot...

No, I'm dealing with a lot.

It doesn't look like Melanie's coming out of that mirror,

so I'm gonna have to get my hands dirty

and bribe someone for our visas.

And meanwhile, in Tati news,

she owes 200,000 pesos to a pyramid scheme,

and the CEO is hunting us down.

Look, I'd love to help you, and I would,

but my parents have seized control of my bank accounts

à la Britney Spears.

Well, that's different because she actually earned her money.

Well, yes, but...

okay, wow.

Well, good evening to you and your family, Miss Úrsula.

Is this little Miss Tati I've got here?

Yes, yes, that's right, Mark Stevens, at your service.

Let her go. Tati, come here.

Oh no, no. She's not going anywhere.

If you don't get me my money within the week, I'm gonna put Miss Tati here

in one of our work-without-pay facilities.

We'll examine her and determine if she's better suited

for an office job or doing mindless manual labor

with extremely toxic chemicals and dangerous machinery.

No, no offices please.

I'm not made for a nine-to-five.

- Where's my money? - I don't have it yet.

Hello, good afternoon, I'm looking for Tatiana.

Tati, come, it's for you.

What are you doing here? I told you I never wanted to see you again.

Besides, I already met someone else, a real prince.

Tati, that's me again.

- How could you? - Please, listen to me.

After you told me about your financial problems,

I knew I had to come and help you.

My family has so much money.

It would be so easy for me to make this problem go away.

- Tati, yes, that... - No!

I don't need your pity or your money.

My sister and I are proud women,

and I know she would rather work day and night

and earn every penny herself rather than have you

waltz in here and fix everything instantly.

- Now go! - Let's talk, please...

- Felipe, go! - Let's talk...

I can't with you anymore. Leave me alone.

I can't believe I was wearing this stupid diamond necklace he gave me.

This will get you another week.

Your knife, Mark Stevens.

Oh. Thanks.

So then Mariana's dad called the President,

and in one second, the problem was fixed.

Marquito, don't tell them that.

Oh, come on, who hasn't your dad killed?

Don't be like that! My dad is the best.

Babe, can you get me another beer?

You know, he just proposed legislation

to prevent maids from voting,

so we don't have to waste time throwing away their ballots.

Listen, I just want to say

I've having a great time here with my fiancé

and the most incredible friends in the world.

Where the fuck is my beer?

Do you have it? Can I see it?

The DVD that came was for the wrong region,

so I have to download the torrent.

- It should be ready in one day. - One day?!

Patience, demon.

It's a big file, especially since you wanted it in HD.

You have two roads ahead of you...

a life with family, duty, and Juan Carlos

or a life with friends, freedom, and creativity.

Oh, really? I'm at a crossroads? I had no idea.

Okay, now you're getting upset.

Maybe I don't even need answers from you.

This Bianca Nova movie looks like it's gonna be so bad.

I don't know, maybe I should just stay here

and resign myself to marrying Juan Carlos.

Oh, believe me, you're going to want

information before you make a decision.

Information I will withhold

until you show me The King's Speech.

Andrés Valdez?

Andrés Valdez.

Ponce asked you a question.

What's it like being gay?

- No, the other question. - Oh, sorry...

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Transylvania.

Well, guess where we're going for our honeymoon?

- I don't believe you. - Believe it.

We'll sleep all day in a king-sized coffin,

and stay up all night and moonbathe on the terrace.

- And scare the locals? - Of course, of course.

You and me, together for one week in the castle,

and then here... for the rest of our lives.

Cheers to Juan Carlos and Andrés!

Cheers.

The beach.

Tomorrow we... ...Satan's days are numbered...

...What happened before Mira Esto?

Where do I go when the lights turn off?

- ...The beach... The beach... - Mommy, come and look!

...All this and more on Mira Esto.

Mommy!

I can't believe I fell for another fake prince.

Wow, look at those sunglasses! You're one of us.

- Who's that? - Her husband.

She was worried about not coming off

as well-rounded, so she brought him.

Why aren't you wearing your UFO t-shirts?

Why would the aliens wear t-shirts that say, "UFO",

their mode of transportation?

Would you wear a shirt that says "car"?

I would wear one that says "Kia Picanto," yes.

- I don't see the problem. - I'm sorry. We didn't know.

- You didn't know? - No, I knew.

They arrived. They arrived.

Places, everyone. Don't humiliate me.

Dude, why didn't you say we had to bring t-shirts?

Oh, because I didn't want to.

You can't make decisions like that on your own.

We're a team.

Look, let's stay positive and finish the gig

so we can get the bribe money.

It's easy for you to stay positive.

You haven't had to deal with her like me.

Excuse me, please concentrate.

This is very important for my wife, okay?

Sorry, sorry.

- Oh my god! - Melanie! She's back.

- You look amazing! - No, I don't.

I look shit because I've been in limbo for a week.

Great. Now my reflection's out.

- What did I miss while I was gone? - Yeah, catch me up to speed.

That's what I just said.

Well, these are the aliens

I've been researching all this time.

You won't believe what language they speak...

Spanish! What a coincidence!

This small one you see here, it's a different kind of alien,

sort of like a pet.

It's like how Pocahontas has a raccoon,

Mickey Mouse has Pluto, the Lion King has that bird...

It's the same thing, a pet.

Now I'm going to ask Alien Two to speak.

No, no, no. You're number two? No, I meant one.

Get back, please. Alien One, speak.

Dr. Lucrecia has been using the grant money

very wisely.

She spends all her time researching us.

- It never... - It never ends.

And if you could tell them, please,

that I'm here working day after day, and I don't stop.

I bring my lunch from home, and I don't even have time to eat it. Tell them.

- She eats here. - No, I bring my salads here and...

- She has to eat the salads here. - No, no. We can't understand you.

- Many times, I don't have time to eat... - She doesn't have time

- to eat the salads. - I don't have time to...

Would you let me speak? She doesn't have time to eat the salads.

Because I'm working so much. It's very important to put that in the report.

Let's take a picture? Let's take a picture!

Let's take a picture. I think that's a great idea.

Get close, get close. They won't do anything.

They're peaceful.

Alien Two, can you take a picture, please?

Go ahead.

Alien Two, no flash, please.

Make sure there's no flash.

I don't like photos with flash. Do you understand? No flash.

Great. Fantastic.

No Mira Esto tonight?

Thank god that nightmare is over.

When is Alexandra getting here?

She shouldn't be long.

Guys, I'm sorry I got so mad at you.

And I'm sorry for what happened with the t-shirts.

It doesn't matter. Let's just focus on Bianca Nova.

Okay?

Alexandra?

Yes, but the disguise is for something else.

We have the money for the bribe.

About that, I won't be able to help you

because Melanie came out of the mirror,

and she's furious and won't give you the visas.

- Damn. - So, good luck with that.

So why did you tell us to come here?

You could've said that on the phone.

Well, I was already coming here to spy on my boyfriend.

I think he's cheating on me.

Why do you think he's cheating on you?

Exhibit A.

Did you find them in the car, or were they in the...

Stop, stop. Sorry, but we really don't have time for this.

Good luck with everything. Sorry. Leave us alone.

That's okay. Tomorrow, we'll go to the embassy in the morning

and find a way to resolve this.

Everything happens for a reason. Let's take this as a sign.

Reflection, what are you looking at?

What? I'm just waiting to use the bathroom before La Voz Kids.

Well, wait outside! God, I've had it with you.

- Yes. - Hey, Renaldo.

This is Melanie's reflection.

Look, she won't get you the visas, but I will.

Yes, amazing, thank you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Espookys! We got the visas!

Okay... that silence says a lot.

Renaldo, look... The script is bad, there's no budget,

and I have a lot of problems to deal with here.

But guys, this is our dream.

Things are going really well with Juan Carlos and I.

Maybe I shouldn't throw that away.

So you really don't want to go?

Not anymore, I guess.

Sorry.

If she doesn't go, I can't go either

because it worries me to leave her alone.

Okay.

I believe in this. It's my dream.

I thought it was our dream.

But you know what...

I'm gonna go.

Hi, I'd like to schedule a root touch up tomorrow.

Reflection, what are you doing? Get back to bed.

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