Original subtitles

- Uncle Tico! - Happy Birthday!

It's so great you could come all the way from LA

- to my quincea?era! - Of course!

Look, I hate to tell you this,

but I think the cake has gone bad. Did you see it?

No, Uncle Tico, it's intentional.

Intentional? Oh, okay.

It's supposed to look like that.

Ah! Well, I brought you a gift.

- Thanks, Uncle. - Happy Birthday.

It's an autographed photo of Coraline.

I had to ask her to sign it twice

because the first time, she wrote Dakota Fanning.

This is so cool. I love it. Thank you.

This party is incredible.

- I know, right? - How did you do all this?

My brother did it with his friends.

- Renaldo did this? - Yes, Renaldo.

Where is he?

Uh, over there.

- Okay. I'll see you later. - See you...

- Come back in a bit. - Okay.

You did all this?

- Yeah. - It's incredible.

Well, I did it with my friends, Andr?s and Ursula.

I've seen spooky things, and I've seen scary things,

but nothing like this.

- Seriously? - Seriously.

- You should do this full-time. - Nah, come on.

Listen, all I ever wanted to do was park cars.

Now I do it full-time.

This horror business is your parking cars.

Go for it.

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Yes? Hello?

Oh, hi, Father Francisco.

Yes.

Andr?s!

Andr?s!

Dude, sorry I couldn't tell you everything over the phone.

- I ran out of minutes. - Halt.

Sorry. There's a new statue, and I wanted to introduce myself.

Listen, Father Francisco called me.

He said some weird things. Something about a gig he wants to offer us?

- What kind of work? - I don't know.

He said something like my sister's quincea?era.

Can you imagine? Another dark party.

Sounds good. Sorry, are you hungry?

Yes, I'm actually starving.

My family is about to launch a new line of chocolates.

They're called "Charlie Wonka Chocolates." Do you want to try them?

Do you have anything other than chocolate?

Mm... No.

That's okay. Anyway, can you imagine? It'd be incredible.

You'd do prosthetics, and Ursula would make teeth

- like the ones she made for... - Okay, fine.

But before we continue, there's something you should know.

- Okay. - I'm adopted.

I was found as a baby at the steps of the orphanage,

- amidst a thunderstorm. - Yeah, alright.

When the nuns found me, they said,

"This child is not like the others...

He's different."

When Father Francisco gave me to my parents,

he said to them, "Beware of this child.

There's something mysterious inside him...

something dark."

So, if it feels weird between the priest and I, that's why.

- Andr?s. Can I talk to you in private? - Hi, Juan.

Are you talking about spooky things again?

- Have a chocolate. - Yes, in a minute.

But first, promise you won't do more ugly things with that greasy guy.

You know I can't tolerate ugly things.

When we watch Beauty and the Beast, I skip the scenes with the beast.

I can't stand ugly things. Seriously.

Listen, you have to focus now more than ever.

You can't get distracted with your creepy friends

because we have an empire to inherit.

Your cousins know you're getting distracted,

and they're going to swoop in.

Andr?s, dude, it's urgent. The priest wants to see us today.

Yes, but let me get you up to speed.

Juan Carlos and I were fighting. He said nasty things about you.

We also discussed family chocolate drama,

but he mostly said bad things about you.

Sure, I'm not surprised.

- Can we just go see Ursula... - Who the fuck is this guy?

Renaldo? He's been my best friend since fourth grade.

You don't know him?

I don't remember him.

Can we just go see Ursula? I ran out of minutes.

I never run out of minutes.

I'm sorry, but that only happens

to people who don't do beautiful things.

I have unlimited minutes in my plan.

But not for this, not for scary things.

What are you doing here?

We have something to tell you.

Something dark.

I can't hang with my friends here.

Hang on.

So, he said he wanted us to do something

like my sister's quincea?era.

He wants us to go to his office...

Ursula!

Come here. What are you doing up here?

We have dozens of teeth to tend to today.

Dozens! We are inundated. And your head is anywhere but here.

Where? I don't know, but never on the teeth.

And you know perfectly well that you are not allowed to...

She can't what, dentist?

Mr. Valdez, I'm sorry, I had no idea you were...

I hope you haven't forgotten the little arrangement

my family has with your profession.

We make the chocolate. The chocolate makes the cavities.

And the cavities provide for you. And round and round the world goes.

Unless...

what if we made chocolate that's...

- sugar-free? - No, please, Mr. Valdez...

All the Valdez flavor without any cavities.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

- Mr. Valdez. Be reasonable... - And you know what, Doctor?

My mind is on the teeth.

I like it when the chocolate prince gets angry.

What are you watching?

Another one of Juan Carlos's workout videos.

Jesus.

Let my body be your inspiration. I love you, my followers.

Ha-ha. I've invested too much time in my boyfriend

and can't go back. Ha-ha. So, so funny.

Come on, don't you think it's funny?

Loving someone means muting their flaws for two to five years.

Juan Carlos is perfect and I love him.

Well, I waste too much time watching these anyway.

- Are we going to the orphanage? - Yes.

- Perfect. My sister is working there. - Tati works there?

Ursula, there's something you should know before we go in.

They found me as a baby, amidst a...

- Father? - Yes, come in. Come in, please.

Have a seat. Thanks for coming.

Well, the truth is, I need your help.

Business isn't going well.

There's a new priest here at Santo de la Guardia,

Father Antonio Valenzuela.

He's pious, young, and hot.

Ever since he arrived, everyone asks him for all sorts of favors.

They want him to lead prayer, to baptize their babies.

I feel like my role here isn't important anymore.

Like they don't need me...

Also, his lips are so glossy.

Too glossy.

Oh my god, Francisco.

Did you see the Pope's message on WhatsApp?

Father Antonio, I already told you I don't know the Pope personally.

- I've mentioned this several times. - Basically, during Holy Week...

Never mind, it's a long story and sort of an inside joke at the Vatican.

I'm sorry. Where are my manners?

I'm Father Antonio. Nice to meet you.

Wow.

Well, I just wanted to let you know, I'm going out.

I'm taking the kids for a little ice cream.

They're super excited.

Did you fill out form BH-58?

No, I didn't fill out that form.

Unfortunately, you'll have to explain to them

you can't take them out for a little ice cream

because you didn't fill out the proper workout.

Of course, Father. Excuse me.

Seriously, what's up with those lips?

We'll see who's their favorite.

The priest who doesn't know how to fill out the forms,

or the priest who created the forms.

So, Father, what's up? How can we help you?

It's hot in here, isn't it? Tati!

Please.

Exorcisms are on the decline.

They're sort of a boutique request nowadays.

So, I thought, if I performed an exorcism,

I'd be a star and Father Antonio would lose the spotlight.

I would be much more famous.

The only thing is The Devil, unfortunately,

hasn't possessed any of the orphans.

I checked.

So I wanted to ask you to help me stage an exorcism.

Excuse me, Tati. This isn't working out.

it's still too hot.

This just isn't working. I'm going to have to let you go.

Well, that's life.

One minute you're a fan, the next you're not.

Thank you very much for the opportunity.

We're going to need a 3x2 room, a nightgown, a possessed girl.

- A lot of dry ice. - Yes, tons of dry ice.

Alright, Father, we're in.

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

I'm still waiting for my answers, Father.

Tomorrow, an interview with a child

whose life has been saved five different times

by the same dog.

Why he fears he's become a burden to his dog.

And when we return, we'll meet a restaurant owner

who claims an angel has been calling and placing long, complicated orders

but never picks them up.

He swears he has evidence. All this and more on Mira Esto.

Three, two, one, and we're out. Thank you.

Where are we now?

Where do I go when the lights turn off?

Very good, Gregoria. Very good.

Now let's go to your nap.

- Oh, yes, the nap. - Yes, yes, the nap.

Okay, we have a lot to work on.

The first thing we need is a place to work.

No, we can't work here.

I don't want my parents to find out

I'm not focusing on the chocolate empire.

I can't let my mom and dad down.

I know a place where we can meet.

It's a huge abandoned house by a private cemetery.

It's full of big signs that say, "Private property. Beware of dog."

Tati, why do you have that accent?

I spent two weeks in Minnesota learning English

- and I came back like this. - She didn't learn English either.

Okay, whatever. We'll go to my place.

Okay, now we just have to figure out who will play the possessed girl.

I can do it. I'm a really hard worker.

And I have a lot of free time because I just got fired again.

Hmm.

- Could be? - I'm a good actor.

I once played the kid whose mom puts an oxygen mask on her

in an airline safety video. I sat nice and still

as my mom put the mask on me. I did very well.

Plus, you can light me on fire, if you want.

- What? - Tati is indestructible.

Excellent!

Look, I'll jump off the balcony to prove it.

- Tati, no! - Good evening, everyone.

Got your next assignment:

It's a big Hollywood "it" party for the Boingo guy.

- What... What's Boingo? - You know when you go to the airport,

and you see all the signs that say, "Free Wi-Fi,"

and you get all excited, you try to use the Wi-Fi,

and they actually try to make you pay?

- Oh, yeah. - That's Boingo.

Charles Boingo. It's his birthday. He's invited a bunch of friends there

with very specific parking requests.

Ron Burkle specifically requests no parallel parking.

Isaiah Thomas requests parallel parking.

David Chang wants you to park his car

as close to a fire hydrant as possible without getting him a ticket.

And Gregoria Santos, any where's fine.

And, Tico, this is a big night. You're the best we've got.

We're relying heavily on you. I know you got this.

Okay. Just... Uh... Did you say Gregoria Santos?

- S?, Gregoria Santos. - Okay.

All right. That's it, everyone. Let's get to work.

- Beep beep. - Beep beep!

Tati, why are you walking like that?

Work. I got a job breaking in other people's shoes.

Sorry for doing my other job during this job, but I'm slammed.

I have to break in five pairs and I only have two feet.

Okay.

Tati, come here!

Try this soap.

It's good.

- What's up, Tati? - I cheated on my husband.

Yeah, Uncle? That's incredible.

Uh-huh.

Perfect! Yes, thank you. Bye.

That was Uncle Tico.

He's working a Hollywood "it" party next week.

It's a party for the Boingo guy.

Well, he said Gregoria Santos from Mira Estowill be there.

Why don't we send her something?

Can you imagine if our exorcism was on TV?

Let's send her a... a head.

Yes! And what if when you open the box,

the head floats out in a green mist.

Hell yeah! And then it opens its mouth

and hundreds of bats fly out.

Can you do me a favor? Get real. How would we do something like that?

We need something simpler. We don't have a lot of time.

- I can't work like this. - Let's send a head. A decapitated head.

- Or a computer! - Okay, let's stop arguing.

Let's not forget we're a group.

We're horror technicians.

The only way this will work is if we do it together.

I know you're all very busy, but we have to do this together.

What are you talking about? No one said they don't want to do this.

- We all want this. - Exactly.

Great, there you go.

We're going to make a head.

- Come on. - I really like your Uncle Tico.

Yeah, everyone likes Uncle Tico.

He's an idol at his work.

He's a prodigy in the parking business.

He discovered his gift at an early age.

My grandparents say he could park before he could speak.

When he was a teenager, he'd take girls out for a ride

just so he could show off his parking skills.

He parked in places no one else ever could.

And he's the only person in the world

who can park two cars at the same time.

- Uncle Tico, I'm safe. - Huh?

I hope you read this before seeing the head.

We decided to take your advice.

Please give this to Gregoria Santos at the party.

Wait, Tico! Where are you going?

- I have to go into the party. - Uh, w... we're not allowed in there.

I know. I have to deliver this box.

No one can know what's inside it so I put question marks on it.

Well, you can't go in looking like that.

Thank you for helping me. I'm like Cinderella and you're the mice.

We're mice and you get to be Cinderella?

Okay, we'll talk about it later. Go, go! Before you get caught!

- Beep beep! - Beep beep.

Oh my God, there he is.

Are you the brilliant installation artist everybody's talking about?

- Yes. - Come, please.

- I want to introduce you to someone. - Hello.

This is who I was telling you about.

Yeah, my goodness. Your pieces are taking LA by storm.

- Yes. - I love the blue traffic lights.

- Yeah. - Yeah, that's amazing.

What happened before Mira Esto?

It sounds like someone needs to rest.

I'll get the car.

Yes, you're right.

Miss Santos, uh, I have a special delivery for you.

- And who are you? - Tico.

Hello, Tico. I'm Gregoria Santos.

Ah, s?. This is my nephew.

- Why do you have his head? - Yes.

What happened to him? The people want to know.

He was decapitated by a possessed child.

There's going to be an exorcism for her.

Excellent. My viewers will love this story.

I love you. I love you more than anything in the world.

If you left, I'd die.

If you move to another school, I swear I'll die.

I'm glad we found a use for you, Tati. Does it sting?

Yes, a lot, but it doesn't bother me.

Hey, Ursula, what if we make black goo ooze out of her nose?

- Yeah, that's good. Very good. - Okay.

Holy Mother of God!

It's not hard. You write the objective of the outing here,

the destination in this box, and here, how many kids are going.

Father Antonio, the girl! My god, she's possessed.

We need your help now!

For the love of God!

Father Antonio, please save her!

I'll take care of it.

Calm down, calm down, little one.

Don't worry, Father, I'll take care of this.

Holy Virgin...

Mother of God.

Fog, fog... More fog.

Raise her. Raise her. Raise her.

Holy Mother of God.

Holy Virgin of Virgins!

Saint Michael the Archangel, Saint Gabriel, Saint Raphael,

Saint John the Baptist, Saint Joseph, Saint Gregory,

- Lower her, lower her. - Holy Virgin of Virgins!

Actually, you know what? No. Raise her.

Raise her, up, up, up.

All saints and prophets!

Now the spin in one, two, three...

Descend upon this body and release her from the Devil now!

We need to keep better track of all the children.

I've never seen this girl before.

Leave this body, now!

Rotate her a little more. That's perfect, Tati.

- Lower her. Lower her. - Out of this body!

Abandon this body!

Come out of there now!

You're a star, Tati, you can do it.

Abandon her now!

God bless you, Father!

I'm used to it. It was nothing, really.

The Devil is out of me. I feel a lot better now. Thank you for everything.

You're welcome, sweetie.

Fantastic work, Father. Tell our viewers...

An innocent little orphan was released from the Devil's grip

by a heroic priest.

We are grateful to Father Francisco Lopez...

...for exorcising those demons

and sending them back to hell where they belong.

And when we return, the most liked car crash on Facebook...

- Hello? - Renaldo?

- Yes? - I got your number

from Father Francisco. Perhaps you and your group could help me with a...

- little job. - Turn it down! Listen.

Uh, yeah, what kind of little job?

An eccentric millionaire died two hours ago.

His last wish was to invite five strangers to his mansion

and leave his fortune to whomever can brave a night of horrors and frights.

So, like a standard inheritance scare?

- Can you help me? - Yeah, of course we can.

Perfect. And one more thing, what is your group called?

- Los... - Juan Carlos!

No! Los... Espookys.

Alright, it's set in stone. Los Espookys.

- Wait for my instructions. Goodbye. - Bye.

Guys... we have another gig!

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