Original subtitles

What is the law around burying multiple bodies in graves?

Cutter Anderson is there. Him and Penny are having an affair!

Kill the Aucklanders.

He wants a hit on the two Aucklanders.

Wait in the car. It's going to be a long trip in to town.

That is a declaration of war.

We are done!

And I want you to leave my house.

This is what is going to happen. You ditch that husband of yours and dedicate your life to my work.

If you don't,

I will tell the police that Wade is a murderer, a kidnapper, and has committed assault.

The signs are everywhere.

In the radio waves...

the sea mammals are convening.

Whale song is binary code.

ECHOES, DISTORTS: My time to take over is nigh.

That is if you're cool with handing over the reins.

Be thee cautious. Not all are allies.

And heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Be thee unconcerned. I just like to know I have your support.

I carry you now. Look.

Just one set of footprints.

It's often said that great men do not seek power.

Great men instead seek wisdom,

for wisdom opens all doors.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

And yet wisdom rarely brings profit to the wise.

Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019.

'Please leave a message after the tone.'

Joe. I'm hearing whispers of some shit going down in the big smoke. I need to know what's going down.

Also, if you haven't delivered the package, I suggest you do it right fucking now.

Hey. That was a total mission. All good here?

Ooh.

What's up, babe?

The bad people been back?

Mm-hm.

What's the deal with Cutter? The text - you said you had him.

Uh, it-it was a...

false alarm.

Oh. That sucks. But the book - you finished it, right? So we can kick him out?

Uh...

working on it.

Working on it. Mm-hm.

See? It's sweet you're in charge. Let's make a coffee and we can figure out what's next, eh?

If I have to listen to that muppet's voice any longer, I'll kill him.

I'm out of here. No. Patience, Sergeant. Ooh, patience my arse.

I haven't had a durry in days and I've got business to look after.

As do I.

And until my business is concluded, yours will have to wait, I'm afraid.

But don't worry - Penny won't take long. Think of it as the crossing of the last 'T' on a contract

before it becomes valid. You don't need me here to do that.

And I've been in this dump far too long.

Yes, I know, but let's not leave anything to chance, shall we?

Out of my way. You know, Sergeant, trust is the basis of all good partnerships,

and right now I'm not feeling the trust.

Oh, fuck you, ya bastard.

No, no! Not the leg! Not the leg! Ah, ya prick!

Ross? You fucking prick.

I think it's time for a show of good faith.

Don't you?

All right.

There's $500,000

in bitcoin

on a flash drive at my house.

Think of it as an insurance policy.

Oh, Sergeant, Sergeant.

You've just given me 500,000 reasons to trust you.

Ross was pretending to be brain-dead.

What the-? Shit.

What has he said? Did he rat on us? What does Cutter know?

That's not what's important. WHISPERS: I really need you to listen to me right now.

OK, I have something I need to tell you. OK, I'm listening.

OK, Cutter has me over a barrel-I do hope that I am not interrupting anything.

I-I don't know what that cop said to you, but he's dodgy as a-a-and he's dangerous and-

You know, Wade,

sometimes I almost feel pity for you.

No, it's not really pity though, it's- and it's not even complete indifference.

I feel that you are just dropping

off my radar.

Do carry on.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Hey-Uh-

Dude. I was totes excited to hear that you're here.

A little birdy told me and I was like, boom! I'm literally your biggest fan.

Oh, really? Thank you. Thank you very much.

Penny, Wade, oh, I love what you've done with the place.

Please tell me you've tackled the creepy bathroom-

Oh-We have tackled the creepy bathroom.

Oh my God! Is that an espresso machine? It's broken. It's a really, uh,

expensive ornament so, uh...

Please, take a seat.

Told you! You mess with Walker, then people end up getting killed.

Waz and the boys, they're fucking dead. And we're next, you know that?

He's teaming up with the Aucklanders. They're joining fucking forces.

Look, just go to him while you've still got the chance.

Go to Walker while you've got the chance and just apologise to him!

I paid that prick a lot of money.

If you want something done right,

do it your fucking self.

We don't get many celebrities around here. In fact, I think you might be my first.

How long are you in town for, Cutter?

Oh, it depends on the schedule. They work me to the bone, you see.

Publisher's deadlines - the unending yoke that I carry upon my shoulders.

Let me cut to the chase - Jane here runs the local book club

and she'd love it if you'd host a talk and a book signing. Me too.

Well, of course I'm very flattered. Unfortunately there are so many demands on my time these days-

Yes, yes, Cutter is extremely busy right now, so we're gonna have to...

Ahem.

No.

You cannot say no to us.

We're literally starved of culture here.

Well, unfortunately I'm afraid I have to say-Mr Anderson,

as a huge fan, can I just say that I would be extremely grateful if you would change your mind.

Extremely grateful.

Oh, well, in the circumstances, I'm sure we can find some flexibility in the old schedule.

Penny!

Yes.

Yes, um, why don't you all go into the dining room and I will have a look at his schedule for you.

This way.

Yes, I'm fairly flexible with my schedule...

Evaluate your feelings and make a decision soon,

otherwise you'll end up hurting all three of you.

Hmm. Good advice.

What are you on about? How to escape a love triangle.

Why do we need to escape a-? Duh. Penny and Wade.

And Cutter.

Do you ever listen to anything I say?

Hm?

It's sentimental, of course - Ken wanting to be buried with his sister.

But with Howard and Elspeth already in there, my money's on it being illegal.

Yes. Three people does seem somewhat, um, well, crowded.

Unholy if you ask me.

You know,

if memory serves,

I think there's a file of by-laws somewhere.

There's a reason they made you chair of the cemetery maintenance committee five years running, Ro -

common sense...

and lots of it.

Mum! Foster's done wees on the floor!

No I haven't!

Did you bring your own bag?

Oh, Jesus.

Time management has never been one of your strong suits, has it, Penny?

Hm? Here's the golden rule - before commencing a new task, ensure that the previous task

has been well and truly completed.

Penny works really hard for you, OK?

Yes. Yes, she does, doesn't she?

And you know what? She absolutely loves it.

Right now I'm thinking that she knows there is nothing else she'd prefer to be doing. Hm?

The way to get the best out of someone is to show them respect. Did I hear something?

Oh it must have been a cow, in a nearby field, passing flatus.

Time management, Penny -

the key to a long, free

and happy life.

Th-This is getting way too crazy.

Pen.

Pen. I don't want to push my ideas on you or anything,

but I think we should go to Justin and we should fess up,

because I can't see a way out of this. We can't go to the cops, Wade.

We killed that pig-man and we buried him in a grave.

And we tried to kill Ross, and he knows it. Justin will look at us like we are criminals

because that is exactly what we are.

So, what? We're just gonna give up and let Cutter call the shots?

Yeah.

Yes, and...

And I think that you should leave.

What? Well, things haven't been working between us.

It's all been really, really hard.

It hasn't been hard. I mean, we just got to work on some stuff, that's all.

Big stuff. You know, it's-

it's too big. It's really big, Wade. It's...

I want us to split up.

You're a total weirdo sometimes, Pen.

I'm gonna go and set up the stretchers again, OK?

Oh, fucking hell.

Ever wondered why you never made it to management, Wade-o?

No? OK, well, let me shed some light - it's because you do pussy-arse things

like trying to empower people, vis-a-vis enabling them to use you as a stepping stone

to move up the chain and to crush you. A case in point - the missus.

You made her the boss. Nek minute, she's head of department of 'I'm ditching your sad arse'.

I bet you did not see that one coming, did you, fella?

Oh, mate, I've got to love you - because nobody else will.

The Magdalene.

Her arrival is preordained.

Cleansed of the seven demons, she has travelled with the twelve.

Blood of Christ?

Mm-mm.

My Magdalene is no whore.

No.

No, she's not.

Blessed are the peacemakers.

They shall be called the sons of God.

Give us a kiss.

Drink up.

We need to make a plan about seeing Justin.

No, Wade, we're not going to Justin. We can't go to the cops. How many time do-?

And I'm not joking about us splitting up.

OK, Pen, you're just a little bit stressed at the moment.

Sometimes when you get stressed you lose a bit of perspective.

That's not a criticism. I'm just saying.

I- I mean we're getting really good at our communication - it's good.

No.

This is not good, Wade.

This is-

I'm leaving you.

This is actually happening and you need to accept it.

OK. We both just need to take big, deep breaths together, OK?

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in...

You haven't gotten very far.

I have had it with your mansplaining and your constant need to fix everything all the time.

Wade, when I tell you what I'm feeling, I don't need you to fix me. I just need you to listen to me.

Why don't you ever get that?

Why can't you just-just stick at things for once?

Like a dog.

Why can't you ever just... step up?!

I'm not a mind reader, Pen. I'm just trying to feel my way, trying to support you.

I put you first.

Maybe you should think about doing that,

instead of jumping every time Cutter says jump.

I'm sorry.

OK. Let's just try breathing again, eh? Together.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in...

Stop right there, you mongrel.

Regulation 729 of the Policing Act.

You're breaking the law.

This-

streak of weasel piss is trying to plant Ken

in his sister's grave.

A man's last wishes deserve to be respected.

Oh, sorry, guys. It's, uh-It's just kind of above my pay grade.

Have to wait for the boss to get back.

Get out of it!

Not me, you little- No, bugger off. You'll get some too.

How are you feeling?

Oh, omnipotent.

Well, this should help with that.

No.

To Waz and his crew, then.

What?

You double-crossing shit loaf!

No, no. I-I can help you with that.

Pen. No, Wade.

Let me help. I can manage it on my own.

L-Let me help you. I can manage on my own. I can help manage it, Pen.

Give me-

Great.

It's all right. No, it's not all right.

I'm done.

I'm done. I can't do this. I can't do you and this any more.

I'm going in the hall, I'm gonna do this reading and when I get back to the house I want you gone.

What?

Pack a bag. Get a room at the pub.

I'll box the rest of your stuff later.

Pen, why?

Because it's over, Wade.

I don't love you any more.

I don't believe you.

Pen.

Erectile problems.

Oh, you lose, boo.

I'm righter than a right thing.

Oh, wonderful! Thanks, Penny.

Boss!

Boss! Hey, Boss, Joe's back!

Boss?

Hello? Hello, Joe here went a bit off threat on Mrs Pig's boys.

Uh, long story short, she's not gonna be happy about it.

We heard that the Aucklanders aren't, uh, industry. They're civilians.

So, uh, not much of a threat.

Old Joe here reckons we can just scare them off, easy.

I think we'll just let him digest that. Mm.

Shh, shh. Good afternoon, all.

What a treat we have in store today. An international author.

As a mark of appreciation, I'd like to present this to you on behalf of the club.

That stargazer on top - he's our most famous export.

Charming.

Please welcome Cutter Anderson.

Who is that

knocking at the door?

Is it a pale apparition?

Is it an omen?

Or is it something

far, far worse?

Is it death?

Is death behind the door?

What the fuck?

Or is it something

far,

far worse?

Of course, it could just be sweet Lady Inspiration.

You see, you never know when she's going to turn up fully dressed at your front door

and ask you the question, 'Do you want to dance?'

Motherfucking Aucklanders.

But thankfully, she does turn up. And for me, all my life, she has turned up.

I never quite know what she is going to say.

Oh, fuck.

Creativity is a strange beast -

a mixture, like a Bruegel picture or a...

inchoate monster...

in diminished bias...

struggling...

a Herculean task...

restless, crude...

No, I cannot confine it!

The flag of civilisation

flying.

Is he in or is he bloody out?

Ken Worthington is well within his rights to be buried in the grave of his choosing.

Recommence your excavation.

Ugh.

Don't you bloody dare.

Bloody clowns.

Justin.

Come to apologise?

For telling me to fuck off?

Oh, dude, um, yeah. About that - I'm really sorry.

Look, I- Wow, you look like shit.

Justin, there's some stuff I need to tell you.

Big stuff.

I'll start at the beginning.

Penny and I moved down here, right? And everything was fine.

And...

this guy shows up and then suddenly

everything just turned to shit.

Look, I don't usually weigh in on other people's relationship shit -

Luck would fucking kill me if she knew I was telling you this -

but you're a good dude.

You deserve better, bro.

What?

Penny cheated on you with Cutter at your own house.

She disrespected you big time, bro. It's OK to be mad.

Penny cheated on me with Cutter?

Uh, yeah.

Penny cheated on me with Cutter?

Dude. I mean, I knew she'd leave you, but with him? Ooh, burn.

Oh, God.

Regulation 729, you mongrel - it's all there!

Get in there, Chalky.

Bugger off. You'll get some too.

Ow, bloody-That bloody hurt.

Good!

Hey, get off my car.

Ahh, prick.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah, I know he said that, but what did his voice sound like?

Lu, I don't know what his voice was like.

Justin, do it.

OK, fine, it was like, 'Penny and Cutter are having an affair?'

Oh my God, this is a total mess. They so need us right now.

Yeah. You're right. What shall we do?

We're gonna leave this to me because I know how to fix it.

Hey-Don't do anything else, OK? OK, just give me a second.

What? There's a body in Elspeth Brady's grave.

Ugh. Well, tell Chalky he'll have to wait. Justin?

It's Pig! Are you there?

Boo?

Yeah, it's him all right. So what do we do now?

I've got Ken ready to go in.

Um, take him back to the funeral home?

Shit.

Stupid-

You look a little stressed.

I'm f-If I was you, I'd be really fucking stressed right now -

running people off the road and such.

See, nobody fucks with me or my business and gets away with it,

not even a little snowflake like you.

You are not even the shit on my shoe. And do you know I do when I get shit stuck to my shoe?

I scrape it off.

You and your little fuck-buddy - I'm coming for youse.

You've had your last chai latte, bitch.

Penny!

Ah, there you are. Stop loafing around and having a good time.

Come on, let us get home for fine wine and some

- profound, creative... - discourse.

Yes! Yeah! Oh.

Ugh.

Take me home! Take me home!

Wait, wait, wait. Lie back - lie back and think of New Zealand.

Hey, Lulu, it's Justin.

Uh, yeah.

Pig's dead.

No, Wade. No, you need to get out of here. It is not safe here for you. You need to leave!

What's going on with you and Cutter? What?

Look, this is for your own good, all right? You just need to-You need to

get the fuck out of here, OK?

Pen.

Wade. Give me the gun.

No, what are you doing? Yep, give me the gun. Yes. Not, not again.

I'm not gonna give you the gun. Give me the gun.

You're no good with- Let go of the gun!

Jeez, Pen.

You can't be-Come. What are you doing?

Come here. Let go of me. Nope, come here.

Wade. Nope, come here.

Don't-

Where are we going? I can't-

This is so not OK, Wade.

Oh, and shagging Cutter is OK?

What?

Unless he made you do it, it just- ugh, it doesn't make any sense.

How could you even think that I would shag Cutter?

Because you wanted to split up. You said you don't love me any more.

Justin knows all about it. He told me.

Uh-Oh. Oh, OK. OK, well, don't let me stand in your way.

But I need to say - because I love you more than any human on this planet -

that you're making a big mistake, Pen.

That guy is just a big douche.

And you know that, Penny.

Wade,

I have never shagged anyone.

I mean, except for you.

I-

I don't want to split up. I don't want to split up from you ever.

Because I love you. I love you more than any other person on this stupid planet as well and I-

It was just that Cutter made me do it.

Him and Ross said that if I didn't leave you, then they were going to blame everything on you

and they were gonna put you in prison and I just said all of those

awful things because I wanted to protect you and I was scared,

but there is a fucking crazy woman with a knife who I think is coming here to kill us.

And I really don't want us to die.

OK. OK.

Um, right. Uh, we need to book a flight.

You're a genius.

That one. That one?

Done.

OK.

We need passports and we need money.

Right.

Welcome to tough love time, kids.

Luck?

You don't get out until you've kissed and made up.

No. No, no, no, Luck. No, you need to let us out right now.

Everything will be fine if you just do the right thing.

Then you and Wade and me and Justin can get back to normal again, OK? Good luck.

Luck! Luck, no! Open the door.

Open the door! Luck!

Oh, shit.

Oh, when did police work get so stressful?

Come on, Wade, I know you're holding.

Ooh.

'Trying to quit.' WADE: 'Justin, there's some stuff I need to tell you - big stuff.'

'I bet you'd know how to commit the perfect crime.'

'Oh, you guys are out late.' WADE: 'It was me. It was me. Fuck off.'

Great men seek wisdom.

Come on, Luck, you have to let us out now.

Behold.

I have arisen.

Wisdom opens all doors.

But beware, dear reader, because wisdom rarely brings profit to the wise.

Fuck.

Personally, I think endings are overated.

Everything tied up in a neat bow?

Give me a good beginning any day.

I'll tell you who did do a good ending -

Shakespeare.

Take his most famous work;

The star-crossed lovers,

consumed by love, but pursued by tragedy -

the tale of Romeo...

and Juliet.

Theirs was a love for the ages -

deep, pure, sacred -

and the story has a perfect conclusion, but for that ending to work,

Romeo... must die.

And so must his love.

One or both...

must succumb to death's sweet embrace.

There is no other way for this story to end.

I am the living one.

I was dead.

Boss, you all right there? Boss.

Now I'm alive.

The magdalen has betrayed us.

The promised land-

will now be mine.

So...

I say... well done...

my good and faithful servants. Wait. We do have something that we could offer you,

oh, keeper of the key.

We could get you a half a million dollars in bitcoins.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can go to town and I can get them for you. Yeah.

I've been meaning to get on to the bitcoin ladder.

But what use to a god...

are the follies of man? No, no, no. It's not just bitcoins, is it?

It is the fruit of this land.

It is the profit from its crops.

It is your rightful tithe...

oh, good,

wise, merciful God.

Well, fuckin' A.

All right, you - ...go get me my tithe,

and we'll keep her as insurance.

It's OK, babe. It's OK. You just-you go. We got this, remember - we're in this together.

We can do this.

Begone!

I'll see you again. I promise. I love you.

Love you.

Nah, this one's all right to go.

What the fuck?

Mine is the kingdom and the glory...

forever and ever.

Power is mine.

Wealth is mine.

And all shall bow before me and tremble.

Don't you fear your God?

God isn't about fear;

God's about love.

What would you know about love?

I know that my love is out there right now...

and that he's coming back for me.

We shall see about that, my sweet.

We shall see.

Mr Cox, it was such a minor issue, I didn't think it was worth bothering you with.

The man lost a finger. Frankly, I'm surprised it's taken him this long to take legal action against us.

You need to fix this.

Yes, yes, sir. But, you see, it's complicated.

No, it's not. We just need someone to prove he purposefully didn't tell us

he lost his damn finger in the first place. Yes, yes,

but the person no longer works for the company, and, um...

he's not answering his phone, so... What's this prick's name, anyway?

Wade McCarthy. Right. Get off your entitled arse and go and find him!

Get Wade McCarthy!

Well, this is it; This is where the magic happens.

I built it up from nothing. Really?

- Do you wanna come in for a cuppa? - Ah, here we go. Scuse me?

My dear...

you are at the present suffering from

post-coital celebrity fascination.

It will wear off very quickly, I am sure.

We just had sex.

That's all it was - sex.

And? And...

we both enjoyed it; It was wonderful - end of chapter.

There will be no sequel.

This was a one-off publication.

Shit, Cutter Anderson.

God wasted a perfectly good arsehole when he put teeth in your mouth.

Prick! Onwards and upwards.

Tally-ho.

Give me a signal. Come on, come on.

Come on; One bar - just give me one bar.

Oh, you-

GPS my arse. Argh!

Right.

You wanna go old school, we'll go old school, won't we?

Where is Alberton? Alberton. Where the hell-? Oh! No, no, no.

OK. All right.

No, no.

Oh.

Dear sergeant, I do hope you realise that these are girly boys.

What? What are you doing here?

More to the point...

what exactly are you still doing here?

You know, I've never seen the point of Wade McCarthy. Hmm?

You're like a giant skin tag, aren't you?

A useless hunk of flesh that serves no useful purpose.

I want what's behind that picture. It's for Penny, and I'm not leaving without it.

I say.

The jellyfish is developing a backbone.

But surely Penny told you, didn't she...

that she doesn't want you around any more?

You see,

you have nothing at all that she wants.

Shoot him, you pussy. If there was ever a time to sack up... You need to sack up.

This is it. PENNY'S VOICE ECHOES: A bullet is the quickest-

Cleanest, most painless- way to end a life.

Shoot him. Let the gun do the talking. Don't worry.

I'll be looking after Penny from now on.

Penny! Penny! Shoot him!

You know, I've always wanted firsthand experience of murder.

Romeo...

must die.

It's exciting.

The suspense is killing me.

Think he'll actually come back? I know he will.

How can you be so sure?

Because he loves me.

He loves me more than I ever realised.

Because through all of this, through everything that we have been through,

he never stopped loving me.

Even when I tried to push him away.

His love is... it's so strong, it would move mountains if it could.

Have you ever had a love like that?

Once.

A long time ago.

On Tutanekai St.

The girl in the tie-dyed dress.

How's that for firsthand experience, Cutter? Huh?

Oh, no witty reply now.

No, cos you're dead, Cutter Anderson!

D-E-A-D!

Please.

Just let me go.

And risk not seeing love play out on our stage here?

Not a chance, blessed lamb.

Not a chance.

I didn't shoot him, OK? This isn't what it looks like, OK?

I mean, yeah, I've got a gun, and I was yelling at him, and he's dead, but...

I just haven't got time to explain, OK?

I need to get back to Penny, and I just need to get-I know everything, Wade.

About Ross -

Pig.

I know everything.

They weren't fuckin' around down here.

Cash crop.

This is big time.

Ask...

and it will be given to you.

Seek, and you shall find.

Knock, and the door will open.

I am the reverb saint.

I am...

the king of flies!

Do you love me, Lance?

I respect you.

Not really the same thing, though, is it?

Take care of those for me, will you, Lancey boy?

The sun is at our face...

and darkness is far behind us.

Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Cutter was gonna shoot you?

So, who shot Cutter?

I don't know. I don't care.

I can't believe I left an active crime scene.

Forget it; It'll be fine. What I care about right now is getting back to Penny.

Wade, I got to be honest with you - I'm a little bit out of my depth here.

Justin, I need you to concentrate right now, OK? I need you to step up for me and for Penny,

cos what I'm telling you is the truth, I swear - right now, she is in serious danger.

Oh, look at the poor little fella.

Maybe we should let it go free.

Eh?

Oh, over there! WHISPERS: The fuck. Did I give you a signal?

I'm so sorry, Lulu.

Argh!

Jesus.

It's an illegal import! I got it off a Chinese! It's pretty sweet, eh?

Get down! Get down!

I mean, are you just gonna stand there? Wait.

I think that your boss would want you out there right now, don't you?

Come on!

Take me on!

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ugh.

Cease!

Cease, brothers!

Cease!

So much hate.

Why don't we take a moment to think about love?

Today, I was reminded of the power of love.

Reminded that-. ..In the face of love,

hate and fear will wither on the vine.

Love can move mountains.

It can build bridges.

Love can bring us together.

Love is the good oil.

So...

let us open our hearts...

to peace.

Let us open our hearts...

to love.

Jesus. Christ.

You've reached Waikato Police. No one can take your call right now -

please leave a message.

Head office, direct line, but all I get is a fucking answer machine. You don't need them.

But it's just me. One cop against them all; We need an army.

When our proud boys went over there to fight for freedom, but,

they didn't go to fight for the right of any Tom, Dick or Johnny Foreigner to come over here

and take a squat on our good green earth! Wait!

- Uh, police business. - Oh, for fuck's sake. Jesus.

Justin, let me deal with this; I did HR, and I know people.

Right.

Uh...

My home has been invaded by gang members. My wife, who wouldn't hurt a soul -

she's being held captive, so I'm asking you to come together as a community and help save my wife,

save Penny.

She's...

She's everything.

Oh.

If she was here right now, she'd know exactly what to say.

We just need to make a plan, honey, and you'll come up with a brilliant idea for us. I know that you will.

If you knew her like I know her...

there's nothing you wouldn't do right now to come with us.

Nothing.

I'm sorry, but I don't think this is something that we want to get involved in,

is it? Don't-No. No.

Right.

OK.

You selfish, small-minded racists! Did you just hear what I said?

My wife is in danger!

Do you even care about this? No. No, you don't. You just care about your stupid mayoral nonsense.

The last guy died jerking off. That is not true.

Yep, that's what happened, so you know what?

Go... fuck yourselves!

Nice HR skills, bro.

That's all I have to say.

Well, sorry about that.

Bloody Auckland divas.

I'm getting the bitcoins, and I'm gonna get-Stop.

I can't let you walk into danger.

- Boo, now's not a good time. - I'm at Rose Cottage.

Rose Cottage? What? What are you doing there?

What's going on? Is that Wade? I came back to let them out of the barn,

and now there's, like, a full-grown gang war here.

Is that gunfire? Gunfire? Jeez!

I have to save Penny from the barn. No, that's too dangerous. I-

Luck? Luck!

What's happening? We're going to save our wives.

Yeah.

Wade! Hey, what are the chances? Just get outta my head!

What?! Oh God!

Oh. I think you broke my nose.

You're real. Oh. What the fuck, man? That really fucking hurt!

Good. Good!

Good!

I think I better drive.

Boo.

Oh, I've put it all together.

I know you killed my husband.

Mother-

That was an accident, and we- Shh.

And I know that you killed my son.

- We didn't. We didn't. He was-Shh. - Shut your dick-holster.

My little piglet.

My favourite. One more - come here. That's it, come on. GROANS: Stop.

He was on the wrong side of the road, and we-I'm talking!

Cowards die- many times before their death.

The valiant never taste of death but once.

Penny McCarthy, you have lived a pointless life; It is only appropriate that you die

a pointless death.

I've lived a better life than you, you pathetic bully.

- I've lived a life... - of happiness

and love...

and Wade is a better man than you'll ever be.

And I'm a better fucking writer than you. Are you a mental?

Bye-bye, snowflake.

AK-47 standard magazine capacity,

30 rounds.

No! Argh!

No one fucks with

my hair extensions.

Can you smell crayons?

Mum.

What are you fucks doing here?

You saved me! You saved me!

I did?

I did. I did. I did.

I did, yeah.

We need to get out of here.

There's some kind of standoff at the end of your driveway,

but I don't think it's gonna last-No, no, no. Where's Wade? Where's Wade?

He and Justin are on their way; They-OK.

Go, go, go, go, go.

What? What?

Who's the prisoner now? Ross?

You fucked me up; Now I'm gonna fuck you up.

Ross, come on. No, no, no, no. You don't wanna do this. I mean, we spared your life, remember?

Oh, your, 'Kill him...

'don't kill him, kill him...

'don't kill him.' Can you imagine what that was like for me?

Is that gas? I can smell gas. Oh, no, no, no. No, Ross, Ross. You shot me -

twice, and you stabbed me.

I've been hit by a car,

got my head slammed in a boot lid...

but none of that was as painful as having to listen to you two numbnuts go on and on and on.

Fuck me; That was agony.

Come on. I mean, you're never gonna get away with this. Of course I am.

Haven't you learnt anything by now? I'm a survivor, sugar-tits.

Please. And I'm the one person

who's gonna survive this. Ross, please, come on.

You're a better man than this; I know you are. Unfortunately for you, no, I'm not.

These disgusting allegations against Ken are nothing but a disgrace-

I've heard, from a very reliable source, that Ken died pleasuring himself...

to a photo of his dead sister.

It's true. I knew he was dead, but I didn't know...

He's a kinky bastard. Who did you hear this from? Who told you this?

Nice couple. Mm. Pity they're having problems

in the bedroom. Oh. Erectile problems.

So, here's what happened.

The truth is...

Oh, get on with it.

I can't believe we're turning our backs on Penny.

No. Argh!

Argh!

Don't worry, Penny. Someone will come and get us, OK?

Justin, can't you go any faster?

It won't get out of third gear. I really hate this damn ute.

Did we do that?

Where the fuck is Joe?

We're not op...

Shh.

Oh shit - we're out of gas.

Oi! Hey!

It's my fault.

- If you hadn't come to save me, you'd be... - No, I had to. I had to.

I don't think I've ever had a friend who would risk death to save me.

You think I'm your friend?

Mm-hm? Mm-hm? Right now, I'd say your the best friend that I've ever had.

Yes!

Who the fuck is that?

The barn. The barn!

Argh!

Need a ride?

Mmm.

Owen? Mum.

I don't know what you're doing here, but this silliness stops right now!

Yes, Mum. Put the gun away. Put the gun down.

Hey, over here. Help!

Hey, over here!

Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? No, no.

Wade. Wade!

Fuckin' manual! Wade, what are you doing?

Gazer.

By the way, Cutter's dead.

He is?

So concludes our tale,

with everything tied up,

somewhat predictably,

in a neat little bow.

In the end, all it took was a small manipulation of the truth

to create unlikely heroes and to protect the innocent from prosecution.

You know what? I think I might start a brand new novel after all that. Crime?

Uh, no. I was thinking more romance.

Oh. Pen, that sounds good.

Mmm. Doesn't it? Yeah. Well,

you might need to help me with the research.

- I got it. I got it. - OK. OK.

OK.

Oh my goodness.

Ooh!

Oh yeah.

Ooh.

What?! Argh!

Whoa! Jesus!

That machine makes a damn fine latte.

What?

So you think you're done with crime?

I can identify with that.

We're getting out of the cooking business ourselves. But won't you miss all the excitement?

After all, you've still got a going concern underneath your back paddock there.

It'd be shame to let that go to waste.

You just need a distributor.

So, Wade McCarthy...

you know much about gardening?

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

and then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot...

full of sound and fury...

signifying...

nothing.

Grandad, I wanted a horse.

That is not a horse!

Take it away. I want Star Gazer.

I'm sorry, princess.

Here's the post. It's Star Gazer for the win. Star Gazer wins!

What a marvellous effort from this fine young horse! His owners will be very proud with that one.

It's his heart. It exploded.

That'll be all the drugs you pumped into it.

If this gets out, we'll forfeit our winnings and lose all that money we made in sperm sales.

We need something to blame his death on. We need a scapegoat.

Or scape pony. Pin the blame on the pony...

and then kill it.

Didn't blink, just kept on eating grass.

Animal hasn't been right since. It's brutal.

Perfect. I'll take him.

Captions by Hariet Ellis, Alex Stone and Faith Hamblyn. Edited by Catherine de Chalain.

Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019.