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[music]
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00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:05,270
Okay, so someone broke in
to the Watergate Hotel,
3
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:06,406
and Martha Mitchell was like,
4
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,740
something fishy's goin' on, baby.
5
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,443
She's gonna spill
the goddamn beans.
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00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:11,444
[snorts]
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[laughing] Okay, okay.
8
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[laughs]
9
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Eight hippies
break in to the fucking FBI,
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00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:19,817
and they're like, we were right!
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They're corrupt.
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[laughing] I don't even know
why I'm laughing.
13
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:27,191
It's like the human
nervous system.
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00:00:28,127 --> 00:00:31,094
[patriotic music]
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00:00:35,141 --> 00:00:37,707
-- Addic7ed.com --
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[whimsical music]
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Gang, are we rolling?
18
00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:44,953
[laughs]
19
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- So you take the gin?
- Yes.
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- Take that.
- I love male bartenders.
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00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:52,427
I love, like...
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00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:55,495
[ice rattling]
[clapping]
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[speaking indistinctly]
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Okay.
Here you go, baby.
25
00:01:01,203 --> 00:01:02,470
[glasses clink]
26
00:01:02,471 --> 00:01:05,573
- Here we go.
- I'll just...
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00:01:07,543 --> 00:01:09,442
[chuckles]
Hello.
28
00:01:09,478 --> 00:01:12,680
I'm John Early,
and today... [laughs]
29
00:01:12,715 --> 00:01:14,447
You don't have to whisper.
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00:01:15,851 --> 00:01:17,818
Hello.
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00:01:17,853 --> 00:01:20,120
I'm John Early, and, uh, today
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we're gonna learn
about Martha Mitchell.
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[laughs]
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Martha the Mouth.
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[laughs]
36
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It's the late '60s.
It's the early '70s.
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00:01:33,435 --> 00:01:38,538
Martha Mitchell is the hottest
gossip around D.C., okay?
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00:01:38,574 --> 00:01:41,040
She was married
to John Mitchell,
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head of the CRP,
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00:01:43,245 --> 00:01:45,712
the Committee to Re-elect
the President.
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00:01:45,747 --> 00:01:47,047
"Creep."
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00:01:47,048 --> 00:01:49,849
She could hear everything
because her husband
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is directly working
for the president,
44
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:54,588
Tricky Dick.
45
00:01:54,623 --> 00:01:57,957
She had the hottest goss
in D.C.
46
00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:02,596
So Martha is, like, calling
the local D.C. news reporters
47
00:02:02,631 --> 00:02:06,533
and being like, y'all,
we got a story, y'all.
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00:02:06,568 --> 00:02:08,401
So-and-so's doin' this.
49
00:02:08,437 --> 00:02:10,870
This person's doin' this.
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00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:14,708
Martha's favorite reporter
was Helen Thomas
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00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:18,277
of the United Press
International, y'all.
52
00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:21,680
She's like, you're not gonna
believe it, y'all.
53
00:02:21,716 --> 00:02:24,851
So-and-so over here
did that over there.
54
00:02:24,886 --> 00:02:26,053
So if that doesn't
paint the picture,
55
00:02:26,054 --> 00:02:27,854
I don't know what will.
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00:02:27,889 --> 00:02:29,456
Moving on.
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[both laugh]
So...
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Smash cut to...
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June 17, 1972,
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00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,565
Martha and John
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00:02:38,566 --> 00:02:43,035
go to a huge fund-raiser
in Beverly Hills
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for the Republican Party.
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Martha is like,
oh, hey, there's John Wayne.
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00:02:48,676 --> 00:02:51,978
There's Ronald Reagan.
There's Nancy Reagan.
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00:02:52,013 --> 00:02:53,647
Suddenly, brring!
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John gets a call.
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00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:56,216
He's like, hello!
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And they're like,
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00:02:57,318 --> 00:03:02,721
someone has broken in
to the Watergate Hotel.
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And he was like, fuck!
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00:03:07,428 --> 00:03:09,328
And that's where
the story ends.
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00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,129
[laughs]
73
00:03:11,165 --> 00:03:12,265
- Wow.
- Yeah.
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00:03:12,266 --> 00:03:13,300
Well, now we know what happened.
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- Yeah, the end.
- They broke in, and that was it.
76
00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:17,636
Thank you so much.
I'm gonna go.
77
00:03:17,672 --> 00:03:20,205
Okay, so the next morning,
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00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,441
John Mitchell
issues a statement.
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00:03:22,476 --> 00:03:25,744
He's like, this has nothing
to do with the CRP.
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00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:28,947
This is just, like,
a fun side burglary.
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[burps]
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I'm so sorry.
The press was like,
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uh, what about this guy
John McCord?
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'Cause he was one
of the burglars.
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00:03:36,457 --> 00:03:38,457
So John Mitchell was like,
what's that?
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What was the question?
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And they said,
what I'm saying is,
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John McCord was in the CRP.
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00:03:42,995 --> 00:03:44,630
[dramatic music]
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00:03:44,631 --> 00:03:46,631
And this, again, is fact.
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He goes, fuck!
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Not only is John McCord,
of course,
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00:03:50,370 --> 00:03:52,203
completely a member
of the CRP.
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00:03:52,238 --> 00:03:56,974
He was also
Martha's head security guard.
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00:03:57,009 --> 00:03:59,711
And then it starts to dawn
on John Mitchell.
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00:03:59,746 --> 00:04:03,514
He's like, if I... if I...
if Martha finds out
97
00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:07,117
that John McCord was part
of the Watergate break-in,
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00:04:07,153 --> 00:04:08,919
she's gonna spill
the goddamn beans.
99
00:04:08,955 --> 00:04:10,389
So here's what he does.
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00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:12,189
He takes her to the hotel.
101
00:04:12,225 --> 00:04:16,093
He's like, Martha,
you stay in LA, honey.
102
00:04:16,128 --> 00:04:20,732
- Bill Clinton.
- [laughs] You're right. That was Bill.
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00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:24,067
Martha, you stay in LA.
[laughter]
104
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:26,537
So... so he's like,
I'm gonna go to D.C.
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00:04:26,538 --> 00:04:28,939
just for fun.
You stay out here.
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00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:31,007
You enjoy the sun.
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00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:33,543
He goes back to D.C.
to do damage control.
108
00:04:33,579 --> 00:04:36,513
But first he has, like...
he then has alerted
109
00:04:36,548 --> 00:04:39,416
his security team,
specifically Steve King.
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00:04:39,451 --> 00:04:41,651
He's like, make sure
that you, like, keep her
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00:04:41,687 --> 00:04:46,089
in the hotel and make sure
that she sees no newspapers.
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00:04:47,225 --> 00:04:48,426
Smash cut to...
113
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Martha Mitchell goes to
the front desk of her hotel,
114
00:04:50,796 --> 00:04:52,863
and she's like, can I have
a copy of the "LA Times"?
115
00:04:52,898 --> 00:04:54,098
And the person's like,
yeah.
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00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:55,866
[laughs]
And then she, like,
117
00:04:55,901 --> 00:04:57,167
opens the "LA Times."
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00:04:57,168 --> 00:04:59,735
Of course, every paper is
running the Watergate story.
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00:04:59,771 --> 00:05:01,771
She sees John McCord's name,
120
00:05:01,806 --> 00:05:03,773
and she's like...[gasps]
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00:05:03,808 --> 00:05:06,309
And then she calls
Helen Thomas,
122
00:05:06,344 --> 00:05:09,779
and she's like, something
fishy's goin' on, baby.
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00:05:09,814 --> 00:05:12,515
Before she knows it, John...
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00:05:14,152 --> 00:05:16,252
Fucking Steve King,
whatever, not John.
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00:05:16,288 --> 00:05:18,721
My name's John,
and I'm complicit in a way.
126
00:05:18,756 --> 00:05:20,523
You know, we can...
yeah, you know.
127
00:05:20,558 --> 00:05:22,425
Yeah!
It's my fault!
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00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:23,928
Okay, so Steve King
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00:05:23,929 --> 00:05:26,296
rips the phone
out of her hands.
130
00:05:26,331 --> 00:05:29,232
Helen Thomas heard Martha say,
131
00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:31,401
"Now, you get away from me!"
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00:05:31,436 --> 00:05:33,602
Then the line goes dead.
133
00:05:33,638 --> 00:05:35,838
The phone's hung up,
and this is her first moment
134
00:05:35,873 --> 00:05:40,709
of, like, uh-oh,
you are my captor.
135
00:05:40,745 --> 00:05:42,011
[sneezes]
136
00:05:42,012 --> 00:05:43,179
- God bless you.
- Hold on.
137
00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:45,681
[sneezing]
138
00:05:45,716 --> 00:05:48,150
Something is wrong.
Okay, so...
139
00:05:48,185 --> 00:05:50,453
she's like,
I'm gonna sneak out,
140
00:05:50,488 --> 00:05:52,855
and I'm gonna go
into the next room,
141
00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:54,723
and I'm gonna get the phone.
142
00:05:54,759 --> 00:05:57,726
Like, I need to call
Helen Thomas again.
143
00:05:57,762 --> 00:06:00,530
- So I'm gonna sneeze again.
- Please.
144
00:06:00,531 --> 00:06:02,231
[sneezes]
145
00:06:04,201 --> 00:06:06,234
[laughing]
Oh, God!
146
00:06:06,738 --> 00:06:09,805
So she starts to shimmy, y'all,
147
00:06:09,841 --> 00:06:11,674
across the side of the building
148
00:06:11,709 --> 00:06:15,845
to go to her neighboring hotel
room, truly, like, badass.
149
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:20,449
But Steve King grabs her,
physically, like, restrains her.
150
00:06:20,485 --> 00:06:22,350
He calls
a motherfucking doctor.
151
00:06:22,385 --> 00:06:25,854
And the doctor says,
"Hold her down, y'all."
152
00:06:25,889 --> 00:06:31,426
The doctor injects tranquilizers
in her ass, Derek.
153
00:06:31,461 --> 00:06:33,995
- No, thank you.
- They literally
154
00:06:34,030 --> 00:06:35,698
fully sedate her.
155
00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:37,832
She's basically being
held hostage
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00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:40,434
so that she wouldn't speak
to reporters.
157
00:06:40,470 --> 00:06:44,171
So she is, like, kept
in her hotel for a week.
158
00:06:44,207 --> 00:06:45,641
It's been
Sorry.
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00:06:45,642 --> 00:06:47,575
One week
since you looked at me
160
00:06:47,611 --> 00:06:49,878
[gibbering]
Sorry
161
00:06:49,913 --> 00:06:51,213
[laughs]
162
00:06:51,214 --> 00:06:52,947
There's no way
Com Central's gonna pay
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00:06:52,983 --> 00:06:54,849
for the Barenaked Ladies rights.
164
00:06:54,885 --> 00:06:56,684
- That's true.
- They could, though.
165
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,286
It's been one week
since you looked at me
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00:07:00,131 --> 00:07:01,798
Is everyone ready?
167
00:07:01,799 --> 00:07:02,866
That's what I like to do on sets.
168
00:07:02,867 --> 00:07:03,934
- I like that.
- Okay.
169
00:07:03,935 --> 00:07:07,903
So she is... she's in the hotel
for, like, a week.
170
00:07:07,939 --> 00:07:10,940
And she's finally released.
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00:07:10,975 --> 00:07:14,944
So she goes back to the
Westchester Country Club.
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00:07:14,979 --> 00:07:17,380
She bursts in, and she's like,
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00:07:17,415 --> 00:07:21,951
I'm being held prisoner
by the GOP, y'all!
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00:07:21,986 --> 00:07:25,187
And John Mitchell's like,
[laughs]
175
00:07:25,223 --> 00:07:27,856
Sorry, y'all, she's a little...
[clicking tongue]
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00:07:27,891 --> 00:07:29,858
So Martha at this point is like,
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00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:32,561
okay, I'm being, like,
silenced here.
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00:07:32,596 --> 00:07:34,730
So she calls Helen Thomas.
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00:07:34,765 --> 00:07:36,598
I know that you've been taught
180
00:07:36,634 --> 00:07:40,201
that "Deep Throat" broke
the story of "Watergate."
181
00:07:40,237 --> 00:07:43,772
Okay?
It was Martha Mitchell.
182
00:07:43,807 --> 00:07:47,834
- Whoa.
- So Helen Thomas runs Martha's story,
183
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:52,147
but, of course,
as uszh and still today,
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00:07:52,182 --> 00:07:54,283
it's relegated
to the women's section,
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00:07:54,318 --> 00:07:56,318
just like, "How to Make
a Jello Mold,"
186
00:07:56,353 --> 00:07:59,354
"Touch His Taint if You
Want to Make Him Cum,"
187
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:02,423
and then, like,
"The Republican Party,
188
00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:08,062
they are to blaaaame
for breaking in to Watergate."
189
00:08:08,098 --> 00:08:10,698
And everyone's like...
[laughs]
190
00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:12,801
So no one cared, but...
191
00:08:12,836 --> 00:08:15,904
Nixon catches wind of all this.
192
00:08:15,939 --> 00:08:17,206
And he's like,
this is not
193
00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:18,607
some fucking frivolous bitch.
194
00:08:18,608 --> 00:08:20,109
He says to John Mitchell,
195
00:08:20,110 --> 00:08:21,310
you need to...
196
00:08:21,311 --> 00:08:23,311
[laughs]
Oh, God.
197
00:08:23,346 --> 00:08:24,613
[laughs]
198
00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:25,580
[snorts]
199
00:08:25,581 --> 00:08:26,916
[laughing] Okay, okay.
200
00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,749
- Huh?
- Okay, okay.
201
00:08:28,785 --> 00:08:31,752
He was like,
keep an eye on her.
202
00:08:31,788 --> 00:08:35,323
And thus begins this, like,
era of, like... for, like...
203
00:08:35,358 --> 00:08:38,425
it's, like, two years
of making her seem crazy.
204
00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:40,994
Richard Nixon
tells the press,
205
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,996
she's an alcoholic.
206
00:08:43,032 --> 00:08:45,299
So then what happens is,
207
00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:49,502
Nixon pays psychologists
to say she's crazy,
208
00:08:49,538 --> 00:08:50,738
so Martha's like,
209
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,273
I'm telling y'all
the truth.
210
00:08:52,274 --> 00:08:56,176
John McCord was
my lead security guard, y'all.
211
00:08:56,212 --> 00:08:59,046
We, in fact,
developed a relationship
212
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:03,416
much like the relationship
portrayed in "Guarding Tess,"
213
00:09:03,452 --> 00:09:05,152
starring Nicholas Cage
214
00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:08,188
and I want to say
Shirley MacLaine.
215
00:09:08,224 --> 00:09:09,324
[laughs]
216
00:09:09,325 --> 00:09:11,758
And, um... and they're like,
217
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:13,961
honey, you're crazy.
218
00:09:13,996 --> 00:09:17,196
And this created
a very famous thing now
219
00:09:17,232 --> 00:09:18,899
that psychologists use,
which is called
220
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:21,234
the Martha Mitchell effect,
221
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,870
which is when
you're misdiagnosed
222
00:09:23,905 --> 00:09:26,406
as being delusional when
what you're actually saying
223
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,641
is just the truth.
224
00:09:28,677 --> 00:09:30,377
- Whoa!
- Yeah.
225
00:09:30,379 --> 00:09:31,912
So two years later,
226
00:09:31,913 --> 00:09:35,515
Woodward and Bernstein
blow the lid off the story.
227
00:09:35,550 --> 00:09:37,283
And, like, and then...
and thus
228
00:09:37,318 --> 00:09:39,652
John Mitchell
is sentenced to prison.
229
00:09:39,688 --> 00:09:43,390
And Nixon resigns on TV
in 1974.
230
00:09:43,425 --> 00:09:45,291
Martha Mitchell,
she's laying back
231
00:09:45,326 --> 00:09:49,829
on her couch exactly like
I'm doing right now, okay?
232
00:09:49,865 --> 00:09:52,163
She's literally...
she's, like, martini in hand,
233
00:09:52,199 --> 00:09:55,801
and she's like,
I told y'all!
234
00:09:58,071 --> 00:10:00,338
Martha dies in 1976,
235
00:10:00,374 --> 00:10:03,141
but at her funeral...
and this is so beautiful...
236
00:10:03,176 --> 00:10:05,844
at her funeral,
they make a sculpture
237
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,948
out of white chrysanthemums
that says "Martha Was Right."
238
00:10:09,983 --> 00:10:13,787
- It's so punk rock.
- Wow.
239
00:10:13,788 --> 00:10:19,124
She's the reason we...
know about Watergate.
240
00:10:19,159 --> 00:10:21,493
- Cheers, John.
- Congrats.
241
00:10:21,529 --> 00:10:24,229
What a... what a fun...
what a fun time.
242
00:10:24,264 --> 00:10:25,798
- The best.
- To Martha.
243
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:26,999
What's up, you guys?
244
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,567
"Drunk History's"
coming up next.
245
00:10:28,568 --> 00:10:32,270
My name's John Early, and
you won't believe what's up.
246
00:10:32,306 --> 00:10:36,007
It's... there's a lot in store.
247
00:10:36,043 --> 00:10:39,244
Check me out,
and if you know what's up,
248
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:42,725
you'll definitely check the results.
[laughter]
249
00:10:45,121 --> 00:10:47,020
[lounge music]
250
00:10:47,055 --> 00:10:50,357
- So just do a quick intro...
- Hello!
251
00:10:50,392 --> 00:10:53,426
[laughter]
252
00:10:54,662 --> 00:10:56,929
Hello!
It's me, Duncan Trussell.
253
00:10:56,964 --> 00:10:58,265
You're watching "Drunk History,"
254
00:10:58,266 --> 00:10:59,566
and tonight we're gonna talk
about...
255
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:00,832
This isn't a commercial.
256
00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:04,203
- This is your intro.
- Hello.
257
00:11:04,239 --> 00:11:07,640
My name is Duncan Trussell.
258
00:11:07,675 --> 00:11:12,278
Tonight we shall be discussing
Hoover's burglars.
259
00:11:12,313 --> 00:11:14,402
- Who?
- Hoover's burglars.
260
00:11:14,403 --> 00:11:15,415
Oh, that's cool.
261
00:11:15,416 --> 00:11:19,585
So J. Edgar Hoover
was running the FBI
262
00:11:19,621 --> 00:11:22,388
as a tyrant for 50 years.
263
00:11:22,423 --> 00:11:25,191
They're, like, surveilling
ordinary citizens.
264
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,226
The FBI sucks!
265
00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:30,896
J. Edgar Hoover, like,
took over our country!
266
00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:33,065
So John and Bonnie Raines,
267
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:35,534
they are Vietnam War
protestors.
268
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,770
John Raines,
he's a religions professor.
269
00:11:37,805 --> 00:11:40,039
Bonnie Raines,
she runs a day care center.
270
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:43,075
She's like, no more war.
War sucks.
271
00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:46,111
War is the worst thing,
Derek!
272
00:11:46,147 --> 00:11:48,047
- That's the point!
- Agreed.
273
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,782
God damn it!
274
00:11:51,018 --> 00:11:53,819
So John and Bonnie Raines
are having fucking dinner
275
00:11:53,854 --> 00:11:56,922
with Bill Davidon
and they're saying,
276
00:11:56,957 --> 00:11:58,924
man, we're getting
the feeling
277
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:02,527
that the FBI
has been infiltrating
278
00:12:02,563 --> 00:12:04,296
the anti-war movement.
279
00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:06,964
He's like, oh, yeah, that
would probably make sense.
280
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,468
Hoover has been running
the FBI for 50 years,
281
00:12:10,504 --> 00:12:13,805
so probably it's more like
a Gestapo
282
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,441
than we would like to believe.
283
00:12:15,442 --> 00:12:18,677
So Bill says,
if anyone had any brains
284
00:12:18,712 --> 00:12:21,012
in this fucking country,
they'd break in
285
00:12:21,047 --> 00:12:24,349
to the dumbass FBI
and, like, get some files.
286
00:12:24,384 --> 00:12:26,685
And they were like,
that'd be smart.
287
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,421
And she's like, yeah,
that'd be super smart.
288
00:12:29,456 --> 00:12:30,923
John and Bonnie,
289
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,291
having realized that
they have to do something,
290
00:12:33,327 --> 00:12:35,760
begin to have activists over.
291
00:12:35,795 --> 00:12:37,495
The kids are playing
fucking Parcheesi,
292
00:12:37,531 --> 00:12:40,798
and they're, like, eating
fucking spaghetti meatballs,
293
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:45,135
slurping back big sweet
fucking strings of pasta,
294
00:12:45,170 --> 00:12:48,939
saying, we are going
to stop the FBI
295
00:12:48,974 --> 00:12:52,375
from fucking up the lives
of the American people.
296
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:53,978
It's so important, man.
297
00:12:53,979 --> 00:12:55,679
This stuff is so important.
298
00:12:55,714 --> 00:12:58,115
These... these aren't
spectacular people.
299
00:12:58,150 --> 00:12:59,850
They're normal.
They're like us.
300
00:12:59,852 --> 00:13:02,553
- Yeah.
- Keith Forsyth, one of the group,
301
00:13:02,587 --> 00:13:04,122
learns to pick locks.
302
00:13:04,123 --> 00:13:08,225
John and Bonnie are thinking,
how do we find an FBI office?
303
00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:09,894
I don't know.
Look in the phone book.
304
00:13:09,895 --> 00:13:12,562
So they look up the FBI
in the phone book.
305
00:13:12,597 --> 00:13:15,732
They're looking up FBI,
FBI, FBI, FBI.
306
00:13:15,768 --> 00:13:17,068
Uh, FBI, there it is.
307
00:13:17,069 --> 00:13:19,269
They found, like,
an FBI office
308
00:13:19,304 --> 00:13:21,437
in Media, Pennsylvania.
309
00:13:21,473 --> 00:13:25,040
[laughs]
It's so funny...
310
00:13:25,076 --> 00:13:29,178
to think the FBI listed their
address in the phone book.
311
00:13:29,213 --> 00:13:30,514
[laughs]
312
00:13:30,515 --> 00:13:33,149
So they're like, we should
come up with a name for this.
313
00:13:33,184 --> 00:13:37,052
And someone was like, okay,
it's the Citizens' Commission
314
00:13:37,088 --> 00:13:39,689
to Investigate the FBI.
315
00:13:39,724 --> 00:13:41,557
[laughing] They're like,
let's just call it
316
00:13:41,593 --> 00:13:43,093
whatever the fuck.
317
00:13:43,094 --> 00:13:45,395
Who cares?
Names suck.
318
00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:47,297
Names are stupid.
319
00:13:47,332 --> 00:13:49,365
Let's stop war.
320
00:13:49,401 --> 00:13:52,302
[laughter]
321
00:13:52,337 --> 00:13:53,904
I don't even know
why I'm laughing.
322
00:13:53,905 --> 00:13:55,737
It's so stupid.
323
00:13:55,773 --> 00:13:58,106
It's like the human
nervous system.
324
00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,409
It's so dumb.
325
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:02,210
It's like, I can't stop.
326
00:14:02,245 --> 00:14:04,913
[laughter]
327
00:14:04,948 --> 00:14:06,081
[coughs]
Okay, okay, okay.
328
00:14:06,082 --> 00:14:10,085
Bonnie goes into the FBI
office for a fake interview.
329
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,187
She dresses
like a college student,
330
00:14:12,222 --> 00:14:15,791
puts on shitty
prescription glasses.
331
00:14:15,826 --> 00:14:18,293
Bonnie meets with
the bureau chief of the FBI.
332
00:14:18,329 --> 00:14:21,596
She's, like, trying to ask
the FBI agent questions.
333
00:14:21,632 --> 00:14:24,633
What would it be to be
a woman in the FBI?
334
00:14:24,668 --> 00:14:27,068
What does FBI stand for?
335
00:14:27,103 --> 00:14:29,805
She's pretending
to take notes,
336
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:34,275
but actually
she's sketching a map.
337
00:14:34,311 --> 00:14:36,945
There's a file cabinet.
There's a door.
338
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:38,547
I can barely see.
339
00:14:38,548 --> 00:14:39,982
- She scopes the place out.
- Mm-hmm.
340
00:14:39,983 --> 00:14:41,583
She leaves.
She's like, thank you so much.
341
00:14:41,584 --> 00:14:44,518
FBI is great.
Women are great. Bye!
342
00:14:44,554 --> 00:14:46,254
[laughs]
343
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:48,823
[bottle rattles]
Oh, shit.
344
00:14:50,827 --> 00:14:52,261
She goes back, and she's like,
345
00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:55,330
this room is completely
breakable into-ble.
346
00:14:55,365 --> 00:14:56,531
We can do this.
[laughter]
347
00:14:56,532 --> 00:14:57,599
I'm terrible.
348
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,600
He's like,
so when do we do it?
349
00:14:59,635 --> 00:15:02,403
That's the question, what's
the best time to attack?
350
00:15:02,438 --> 00:15:05,706
So they pick the night
of the Fight of the Century...
351
00:15:05,742 --> 00:15:08,275
Muhammad Ali is fighting
Joe Frazier...
352
00:15:08,310 --> 00:15:11,644
knowing that everyone
will be watching the fight,
353
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,615
including J. Edgar Hoover.
354
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:18,852
On the night of March 8, 1971,
355
00:15:18,888 --> 00:15:20,521
they went to this FBI office,
356
00:15:20,522 --> 00:15:22,522
but then Keith takes one look
at the lock
357
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:24,324
and is like, what the fuck?
358
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,526
This is a shit lock.
359
00:15:25,527 --> 00:15:27,227
I've never seen anything
like this.
360
00:15:27,229 --> 00:15:29,930
This motherfucker
is not a picker.
361
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:33,200
She's like, look, there's
a better lock down this hall.
362
00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:35,769
He goes to the secondary door.
363
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:39,439
Keith unlocks the lock.
364
00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:41,775
But now there's a file cabinet
in front of the door.
365
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:45,244
And he's like,
what the fuck?
366
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,947
Here's where
it gets fucked up.
367
00:15:46,948 --> 00:15:48,748
Underneath the FBI office
368
00:15:48,784 --> 00:15:50,750
is the apartment manager.
369
00:15:50,786 --> 00:15:53,586
And he's, like,
watching the fight.
370
00:15:53,622 --> 00:15:56,423
He knows that if he pushes
the file cabinet,
371
00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:59,392
the apartment manager
will hear, so he listens,
372
00:15:59,428 --> 00:16:00,928
waiting for the moments
373
00:16:00,929 --> 00:16:03,596
of applause,
and anytime there's applause,
374
00:16:03,632 --> 00:16:05,965
he slightly pushes
the file cabinet.
375
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,834
[yells]
376
00:16:07,869 --> 00:16:10,202
They're punching each other!
Oh, my God!
377
00:16:10,238 --> 00:16:13,139
They punch each other so hard!
Oh, my God!
378
00:16:13,174 --> 00:16:15,273
Look how hard
they're punching!
379
00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:16,910
Holy shit!
380
00:16:16,911 --> 00:16:18,611
- [laughs]
- Okay, so...
381
00:16:18,612 --> 00:16:22,047
[laughs]
382
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,782
[laughs]
383
00:16:24,852 --> 00:16:28,086
So they flood in,
eight of them, with suitcases.
384
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,923
They're wearing gloves.
They're smart.
385
00:16:30,958 --> 00:16:34,025
They take it all... files,
bits of paper, everything.
386
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:37,162
They put it in their suitcase.
It's so amazing.
387
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,065
- I have to pee.
- Hold on one sec.
388
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,769
If I piss myself, can
I sue Comedy Central?
389
00:16:44,805 --> 00:16:46,105
Well, what are you gonna
sue them...
390
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:49,071
I don't know, Derek.
I gotta pee!
391
00:16:51,017 --> 00:16:52,684
I am so drunk.
I'm so sorry.
392
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:54,718
I always forget this part of it.
393
00:16:54,754 --> 00:16:59,290
The... the premise?
[cackles]
394
00:16:59,325 --> 00:17:01,592
You fucking cunt!
395
00:17:01,628 --> 00:17:04,461
I always forget that.
I-I'm so drunk.
396
00:17:04,496 --> 00:17:05,630
I always think, oh, no,
397
00:17:05,631 --> 00:17:07,231
this time, I'm gonna get
really drunk.
398
00:17:07,232 --> 00:17:09,432
Keep going.
You remember where you were?
399
00:17:09,468 --> 00:17:12,469
Basically, like, this is what...
this is so amazing.
400
00:17:12,504 --> 00:17:14,905
Eight hippies walk out
of this building
401
00:17:14,940 --> 00:17:16,374
in what would later be known
402
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:20,077
as one of the most amazing
acts of social activism
403
00:17:20,112 --> 00:17:21,879
in American history.
404
00:17:21,914 --> 00:17:24,347
So they get back
to the safe house,
405
00:17:24,383 --> 00:17:25,750
they open up their files,
406
00:17:25,751 --> 00:17:28,618
start reading them while
they're eating their beers
407
00:17:28,654 --> 00:17:30,121
and drinking their chickens.
408
00:17:30,122 --> 00:17:31,189
[laughs]
409
00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:35,726
And they're like, holy fucking shit.
410
00:17:35,761 --> 00:17:38,828
We were right!
They're corrupt.
411
00:17:38,863 --> 00:17:41,463
They're, like, surveilling
ordinary citizens,
412
00:17:41,499 --> 00:17:45,334
and this
is unconstitutional, man.
413
00:17:45,369 --> 00:17:48,104
They just got a fucking
pile of documents
414
00:17:48,139 --> 00:17:50,506
showing the FBI
has not only been infiltrating
415
00:17:50,541 --> 00:17:54,049
anti-war protests.
They've been, like, getting
416
00:17:54,050 --> 00:17:56,818
into the women's lib movement
and... and... and,
417
00:17:56,853 --> 00:18:00,984
- like, create division within those ranks.
- Wow.
418
00:18:00,985 --> 00:18:02,985
So they copy all this shit,
and they send it.
419
00:18:03,021 --> 00:18:06,455
And they're like, we did it.
We fucking did it.
420
00:18:06,490 --> 00:18:11,194
They all vow to never, ever
mention what has happened.
421
00:18:11,229 --> 00:18:13,762
And they vanish
into the night.
422
00:18:13,797 --> 00:18:16,932
So Betty Medsger
at "The Washington Post"
423
00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:19,235
opens up this
anonymous package,
424
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,637
and she's like, wait!
425
00:18:20,638 --> 00:18:22,538
What the fuck?
426
00:18:22,573 --> 00:18:25,941
Somebody broke in
to the fucking FBI building
427
00:18:25,976 --> 00:18:28,544
and got this shit to us,
428
00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:31,813
and now we have
to deal with this, man,
429
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,383
'cause either we
fucking publish this shit,
430
00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:37,686
or we are pigs,
barnyard animals,
431
00:18:37,722 --> 00:18:42,023
not journalists,
just sold-out, bottom-level,
432
00:18:42,059 --> 00:18:45,327
low-level shitbags shills.
433
00:18:45,363 --> 00:18:48,396
[laughter]
434
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,567
And she's like,
well, let's print it.
435
00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:53,770
[cackles]
436
00:18:53,771 --> 00:18:55,204
And they fucking printed it.
437
00:18:55,205 --> 00:18:57,472
Before the Pentagon Papers
ever happened,
438
00:18:57,507 --> 00:19:00,642
before Edward Snowden,
this shit happened.
439
00:19:00,677 --> 00:19:02,245
Because of this,
440
00:19:02,246 --> 00:19:05,513
it leads to an oversight
committee for the FBI.
441
00:19:05,548 --> 00:19:08,917
Hoover is fucking furious!
442
00:19:08,952 --> 00:19:11,586
He's punching his fist
through walls.
443
00:19:11,621 --> 00:19:14,089
He's smearing lipstick
on his face
444
00:19:14,124 --> 00:19:16,391
so it smears all over
his lips.
445
00:19:16,426 --> 00:19:19,694
He's biting fucking crawfish.
446
00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,930
He's rubbing lavender ointment
on his nipples.
447
00:19:22,965 --> 00:19:25,300
He's dancing on top
of Ouija boards.
448
00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:28,703
He's setting fire
to constitutions
449
00:19:28,738 --> 00:19:31,706
and punching aliens
in the fucking face
450
00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:36,411
and kicking UFOs into
the fucking Cyclopean eyeballs
451
00:19:36,446 --> 00:19:38,879
of Illuminati
reptilian shills.
452
00:19:38,915 --> 00:19:41,749
[laughing]
What the fuck is that?
453
00:19:41,785 --> 00:19:45,320
[laughs]
454
00:19:46,222 --> 00:19:48,956
So the FBI
is all over Philadelphia
455
00:19:48,991 --> 00:19:51,125
interviewing this person,
that person, this person,
456
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,060
that person, everyone.
457
00:19:53,095 --> 00:19:56,697
John and Bonnie
resume their lives.
458
00:19:56,732 --> 00:19:58,432
But all the while,
they're looking
459
00:19:58,467 --> 00:20:00,534
behind their shoulders,
wondering,
460
00:20:00,569 --> 00:20:03,503
will this be the day
I go to jail
461
00:20:03,539 --> 00:20:06,040
for doing the right thing?
462
00:20:07,376 --> 00:20:09,409
And five years passed.
463
00:20:09,445 --> 00:20:11,846
The statute of limitations
passed.
464
00:20:11,881 --> 00:20:15,850
None of the members
of the Citizens' Commission
465
00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:20,154
to Investigate the FBI
are ever caught.
466
00:20:20,189 --> 00:20:23,756
- Wow.
- An ordinary American couple
467
00:20:23,791 --> 00:20:27,393
took down Hoover the tyrant.
468
00:20:27,428 --> 00:20:29,795
From a moment, there was,
like, a realization
469
00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:31,998
by all Americans
that the government
470
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:33,300
doesn't give a fuck
about you,
471
00:20:33,301 --> 00:20:35,034
but we all forgot that now,
472
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:37,136
and that's why
we all have our phones
473
00:20:37,172 --> 00:20:40,341
and our Amazon Echoes,
'cause we don't really give a shit.
474
00:20:40,342 --> 00:20:41,720
[laughs]
475
00:20:41,778 --> 00:20:44,727
[patriotic music]
476
00:20:54,181 --> 00:20:56,851
-- Addic7ed.com --
477
00:21:00,413 --> 00:21:04,320
[patriotic music]
478
00:21:04,370 --> 00:21:08,920
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