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1
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,459
Hey, can I get another drink
down here?
2
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,620
I've been to prison once.
3
00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:55,221
I've been married twice.
4
00:01:55,299 --> 00:01:57,563
I was once drafted by
Lyndon Johnson and had to live
5
00:01:57,634 --> 00:02:01,730
in shit-ass Mexico for two
and a half years for no reason.
6
00:02:01,805 --> 00:02:05,400
I've had my eye socket
punched in, a kidney taken out,
7
00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:09,036
and I got a bone chip in my
ankle that's never gonna heal.
8
00:02:09,746 --> 00:02:12,943
I've seen some pretty shitty
situations in my life.
9
00:02:13,016 --> 00:02:16,349
But nothing has ever sucked
more ass than this.
10
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:19,916
If I'd known I was gonna have to
put up with screaming brats
11
00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:21,958
pissing on my lap for 30 days
out of the year,
12
00:02:22,025 --> 00:02:25,654
I would have killed myself
a long time ago.
13
00:02:28,198 --> 00:02:31,656
Come to think of it,
I still might.
14
00:02:33,036 --> 00:02:35,630
Where I come from,
we didn't celebrate Christmas.
15
00:02:35,706 --> 00:02:37,867
Not because we were Jewish,
but because my dad
16
00:02:37,941 --> 00:02:40,842
was a worthless-coward fucking
asshole whose idea of a present
17
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:43,573
was a daily punch
to the back of the head.
18
00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:46,241
He did teach me
how to crack a safe, though.
19
00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:51,087
My dad never did shit with his
life, so he took it out on me.
20
00:02:51,154 --> 00:02:54,214
You could say I'm no different.
I'd have to say you were right.
21
00:02:54,291 --> 00:02:56,885
But at this point,
it's too late to start over.
22
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,951
Funny how things work out.
23
00:02:59,029 --> 00:03:01,327
It's fucking hilarious.
24
00:03:22,386 --> 00:03:24,752
There's Santa Claus.
Look there.
25
00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:30,526
Wow.
26
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,892
Oh, my.
What a darling photo.
27
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,868
Are you certain you only want
the single?
28
00:03:39,937 --> 00:03:43,134
Additional photos come in handy
as gifts for Grandma and Grandpa
29
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:45,572
or as a wonderful remembrance
for friends.
30
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,666
Gee.
You know what?
31
00:03:46,743 --> 00:03:48,711
This one, I think it's more
than enough.
32
00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:51,612
Thanks.
Merry Christmas.
33
00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:54,149
So, what do you want,
little girl?
34
00:03:54,217 --> 00:03:56,014
A drum set.
35
00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:57,951
Oh, the old man will love that.
36
00:03:58,021 --> 00:04:00,251
Okay. Fine.
See you later.
37
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,525
I saw you at another mall.
38
00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:13,398
Well, I'm very happy for you.
39
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,301
You're not really Santa.
40
00:04:15,372 --> 00:04:17,670
If you were Santa,
you could do magic.
41
00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:19,766
You want to see some magic?
42
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:22,175
Here.
Let's watch you disappear.
43
00:04:22,913 --> 00:04:25,313
Watch the bladder, kid.
Santa's got to pee.
44
00:04:25,382 --> 00:04:27,373
- What do you want?
- A new bike.
45
00:04:27,451 --> 00:04:29,419
Wow. That's a new one.
Excellent.
46
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:30,783
Attention, shoppers.
47
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,583
The store will be closing
in five minutes.
48
00:04:32,656 --> 00:04:34,385
We hope tomorrow is
a pleasant Christmas.
49
00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:35,720
Thank you for shopping with us.
50
00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:38,352
- Is that it?
- Yeah, that's the last one.
51
00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:40,658
Thank the fuck Christ.
52
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,299
Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph.
53
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,562
You pissed yourself.
54
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,931
Aw, Jesus.
55
00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:55,535
Yeah, all right.
56
00:04:55,612 --> 00:04:57,170
Yeah.
57
00:04:58,415 --> 00:05:01,475
Hey, happy holidays.
All right.
58
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,109
Merry Christmas.
59
00:05:03,653 --> 00:05:05,211
Happy holidays.
60
00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:06,482
Get home safe.
61
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,183
Yeah, okay.
62
00:05:08,258 --> 00:05:09,555
I don't care what he says.
63
00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:11,787
- We're going out for a beer.
- What the fuck?
64
00:05:11,862 --> 00:05:13,921
I'll get right back to you.
65
00:05:13,997 --> 00:05:16,431
What the hell's wrong with you?
I'm trying to fucking leave.
66
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,831
Pants are awful baggy.
67
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,869
You got anything in there?
68
00:05:19,936 --> 00:05:22,666
Yeah. My dick.
You want to see it?
69
00:05:24,141 --> 00:05:26,075
Keep pushing me.
70
00:05:26,143 --> 00:05:28,008
I got my eyes on you.
71
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,807
All the time.
72
00:06:33,043 --> 00:06:34,670
Ready.
73
00:06:38,748 --> 00:06:39,840
Jesus.
74
00:07:20,557 --> 00:07:22,855
- How's it going?
- I'm finished when I'm finished.
75
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:24,188
I'm going back upstairs.
76
00:07:24,261 --> 00:07:26,092
I need a melon baller
and a loofah.
77
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,728
Got it.
78
00:07:33,003 --> 00:07:35,028
Fuck the loofah.
Let's go.
79
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,869
Marcus, you get the loofah?
80
00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:45,505
Drive.
81
00:07:47,484 --> 00:07:48,917
Oh!
82
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:55,149
Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock
83
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:58,626
Jingle bells chime
in jingle bell time
84
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,993
Oh, I'm dizzy.
Put me down.
85
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,053
Hey, put me down.
86
00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:03,895
Come on!
Put me down.
87
00:08:05,035 --> 00:08:07,936
Oh, come on.
88
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,032
Oh, man.
89
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,236
Hey, baby, two more of these,
all right?
90
00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:19,407
No.
That's it for me.
91
00:08:19,983 --> 00:08:22,577
You can't drink worth a shit,
you know that?
92
00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:27,287
I weigh 92 pounds, you dick.
93
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:31,222
Come on. One more.
It's a celebration.
94
00:08:32,996 --> 00:08:34,429
Here's to you.
95
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:38,331
To have the blues
96
00:08:38,401 --> 00:08:42,360
My baby's gone
97
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,101
You're getting worse,
you know that?
98
00:08:45,175 --> 00:08:47,268
Well, at least I got it open.
99
00:08:47,344 --> 00:08:49,278
It took you long enough.
100
00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:53,009
I remember when you could unlock
a lock like it was nothing.
101
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:57,178
Yeah, well, you don't have to
worry about me anymore.
102
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,312
I'm out.
103
00:08:59,389 --> 00:09:01,118
Bullshit.
104
00:09:02,158 --> 00:09:04,524
Bullshit, my ass.
105
00:09:05,161 --> 00:09:08,460
We just made $ 111,000
in one night.
106
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:11,193
Exactly. I figure I got enough
to go to Miami.
107
00:09:11,268 --> 00:09:12,701
And do what?
108
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,293
I don't know. Shit.
Get a car.
109
00:09:14,371 --> 00:09:16,931
Get a place, maybe.
110
00:09:17,007 --> 00:09:20,306
Maybe start a business.
A bar out on the beach.
111
00:09:20,377 --> 00:09:22,106
Something like that.
112
00:09:22,612 --> 00:09:26,946
I could quit drinking
and run the place.
113
00:09:27,017 --> 00:09:29,212
Maybe marry a waitress.
114
00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:33,352
What?
115
00:09:33,423 --> 00:09:35,220
You ain't gonna do shit
except go down there
116
00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:37,089
and drink your fucking ass off.
117
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,889
You're gonna piss
everything away
118
00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:42,022
and end up counting the days
till next Christmas.
119
00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,667
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
120
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:46,258
Well, it ain't gonna happen.
121
00:09:47,070 --> 00:09:49,038
If I call you next December...
122
00:09:49,105 --> 00:09:51,266
if I call you next December...
123
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,309
you're gonna be so happy
to hear from me
124
00:09:53,376 --> 00:09:55,606
you're gonna do
a goddamn backflip.
125
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,943
You're gonna put
that Santa hat on so fast
126
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,414
that you're gonna get
fucking hat-burn.
127
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:03,310
Can I get you guys two more?
128
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,284
No, thanks.
We're all right.
129
00:10:12,996 --> 00:10:14,725
See?
130
00:10:14,798 --> 00:10:17,164
I'm already on the wagon.
131
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,760
Hey. Asshole!
132
00:10:50,834 --> 00:10:52,392
How many times
I got to tell you?
133
00:10:52,469 --> 00:10:54,300
Get out from behind my bar!
134
00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:57,538
Put the drink down right now.
135
00:10:57,607 --> 00:10:59,905
Put the drink down right now!
136
00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:01,637
Ahh.
Fuck you.
137
00:11:01,711 --> 00:11:03,144
- Fuck me, huh?
- Right.
138
00:11:03,213 --> 00:11:05,738
Oh. Hey!
139
00:11:06,316 --> 00:11:07,806
Ow!
140
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:10,318
Get the fuck out of my bar.
141
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,412
Fuck you!
142
00:11:14,491 --> 00:11:15,515
You're fucking crazy.
143
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,321
Fucking prick.
144
00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:19,255
Asshole!
145
00:11:19,329 --> 00:11:21,695
Get the fuck out of here
right now!
146
00:11:57,734 --> 00:12:00,032
Have a holly
jolly Christmas
147
00:12:00,103 --> 00:12:02,867
And in case you didn't hear
148
00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:06,466
Oh, by golly,
have a holly jolly...
149
00:12:06,543 --> 00:12:08,170
Fucking shit!
150
00:12:08,244 --> 00:12:13,577
Fuck you!
151
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,455
Yeah, baby.
152
00:15:09,926 --> 00:15:13,089
Hey, Tiffany, you want to play
"Hide the Nazi" one day?
153
00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:22,067
God damn it.
154
00:15:24,641 --> 00:15:26,575
Here you go, sweetie.
155
00:15:28,044 --> 00:15:29,978
I got something
for your pretty ass.
156
00:15:30,046 --> 00:15:32,173
- You do?
- Yeah.
157
00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:37,384
Wow. $5.
158
00:15:37,453 --> 00:15:38,442
Thanks.
159
00:15:43,493 --> 00:15:46,894
I gotta listen to my messages,
and you need to take a shower.
160
00:15:47,563 --> 00:15:49,827
I'm a dancer.
I sweat.
161
00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:52,493
Yeah, well, you smell like
a bum's nut sac.
162
00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:54,593
Fuck you.
163
00:15:58,574 --> 00:16:02,101
Message one.
164
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:03,543
Mr. Soke?
165
00:16:03,613 --> 00:16:07,640
This is Andrew Kaplan again,
from the collection agency.
166
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,185
Message two.
167
00:16:10,253 --> 00:16:12,244
This is Dolores Axelrod.
168
00:16:12,321 --> 00:16:14,346
You ran into my car last week.
169
00:16:14,424 --> 00:16:15,823
I called State Farm,
170
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:19,293
but they have no record
of any insurance policy for you.
171
00:16:19,362 --> 00:16:21,990
In case you misplaced it,
my phone number is 4...
172
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,965
Message three.
173
00:16:24,033 --> 00:16:27,366
Willie, it's Marcus.
It's that time of year again.
174
00:16:27,437 --> 00:16:30,600
Pack your shit.
Phoenix.
175
00:16:30,707 --> 00:16:34,234
Oh, the weather outside
is frightful
176
00:16:34,277 --> 00:16:37,804
But the fire
is so delightful
177
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,281
And since we've no place
to go
178
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:44,683
Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow
179
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:48,417
Man, it doesn't show signs
of stopping
180
00:16:48,491 --> 00:16:52,393
And I brought me some corn
for popping
181
00:16:52,462 --> 00:16:55,590
The lights are turned
way down low
182
00:16:55,665 --> 00:17:01,831
Let it snow, let it snow
183
00:17:06,509 --> 00:17:08,033
Jesus Christ!
184
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:11,410
Can you maybe keep it together
for just 10 minutes?
185
00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:21,012
Harrison, just let me explain,
please. Financially...
186
00:17:21,090 --> 00:17:23,024
Well, you get what you paid for,
Chipeska.
187
00:17:23,092 --> 00:17:24,787
Five Christmases I've been here.
188
00:17:24,861 --> 00:17:26,954
You flip me for some stranger
who'll do it for peanuts
189
00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:29,554
and who happens to work
with a real midget.
190
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,827
Nobody cares.
Nobody comes here for the elf.
191
00:17:31,901 --> 00:17:33,232
Santa's the attraction.
192
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,769
I do Burl Ives songs.
193
00:17:34,837 --> 00:17:36,600
Does this schmo
even play guitar?
194
00:17:36,672 --> 00:17:40,130
Look, Harrison, it's not about
the money or the midget.
195
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:41,972
Believe me, if it was, I...
196
00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:43,739
I don't think they like
"midget."
197
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,576
I think you're supposed to
call them...
198
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:48,082
Oh, just forget it.
199
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:51,114
Hacks!
200
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:52,518
Hi.
201
00:17:52,588 --> 00:17:54,988
Bob Chipeska.
Welcome.
202
00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:57,048
Great photo and résumé,
by the way.
203
00:17:57,126 --> 00:17:57,888
Thanks.
204
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,053
We've been at this
a long time and all.
205
00:18:00,129 --> 00:18:01,892
We'd like to think we do
a good job.
206
00:18:01,964 --> 00:18:04,558
I'm so glad you guys could
come in on such short notice.
207
00:18:04,634 --> 00:18:07,194
I must say,
your look is just sensational.
208
00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:07,929
Thanks.
209
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,837
We've been at this for years.
You got nothing to worry about.
210
00:18:10,907 --> 00:18:13,774
You two are the best men
for this job, truly.
211
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:17,176
So don't let his unpleasantness
affect your performance.
212
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:19,214
- Oh, no. We're fine.
- Performance?
213
00:18:19,282 --> 00:18:22,183
Yes. Uh, your performance.
You know, the, um...
214
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,446
Performance, like sexual?
215
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:26,781
- Excuse me?
- Willie.
216
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,188
Are you saying there's
something wrong with my gear?
217
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,555
Is that what you're saying?
218
00:18:30,626 --> 00:18:32,093
- I'm sorry. Your gear?
- Willie.
219
00:18:32,161 --> 00:18:33,958
My fuck stick.
220
00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:37,496
Hey, Willie.
Take a seat.
221
00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:39,034
You know how
your blood sugar is.
222
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:42,559
He's not going to say "fuck
stick" in front of the children?
223
00:18:42,638 --> 00:18:44,572
No, no, no.
It's a joke.
224
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,973
An adult joke for us adults.
225
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,807
It's a joke.
Just a joke.
226
00:18:56,519 --> 00:18:57,486
"Fuck stick"?
227
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,488
Yes. I thought it was
very strange, too.
228
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,047
So, as our security chief,
229
00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:05,252
I wanted you to be aware.
230
00:19:05,328 --> 00:19:07,592
But his little friend promised
he wouldn't say it
231
00:19:07,663 --> 00:19:09,654
in front of the children,
which is fine.
232
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:13,190
Because, you know,
there is an adult world
233
00:19:13,269 --> 00:19:15,737
and a child's world,
and that's okay.
234
00:19:15,805 --> 00:19:17,568
I'm no censor.
235
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:18,402
"Little friend"?
236
00:19:18,474 --> 00:19:21,409
Yes, he happens to be a dwarf.
237
00:19:21,477 --> 00:19:24,105
Or midget.
238
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,546
I don't know
what he's called exactly.
239
00:19:26,616 --> 00:19:30,017
But, uh, he's a little guy.
240
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,953
Little Billy Barty.
God rest.
241
00:19:33,022 --> 00:19:34,148
But thin fingers.
242
00:19:34,223 --> 00:19:38,717
Not the fat sausage fingers.
243
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,697
"Little people."
That's what they like.
244
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:46,257
Yes. Uh, right.
Little people.
245
00:19:46,335 --> 00:19:48,326
So "fuck stick."
That's it?
246
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:51,137
Yeah.
247
00:19:56,178 --> 00:20:02,178
Merry Christmas!
Santa's coming. Yay!
248
00:20:02,251 --> 00:20:04,742
Merry Christmas!
249
00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:12,191
Have you seen that new Santa
they just hired?
250
00:20:12,261 --> 00:20:14,729
Yeah.
He's back there drunk.
251
00:20:18,768 --> 00:20:22,568
He's coming, guys.
Santa will be here real soon.
252
00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:28,975
God damn it!
253
00:20:29,045 --> 00:20:32,071
What the fuck you doing?
You blow this, and we're broke.
254
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,775
So stop acting
like you know something.
255
00:20:33,849 --> 00:20:35,544
'Cause, pal of mine,
you don't know squat!
256
00:20:35,618 --> 00:20:37,518
Now, put on your hat
and get out there.
257
00:20:37,586 --> 00:20:40,714
And try to act professional,
for Christ's sakes.
258
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,058
What do you want?
259
00:20:48,130 --> 00:20:49,654
What?
260
00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:51,290
Get out of here.
261
00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:53,096
Next.
262
00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:55,767
Next.
263
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,272
Oh, good.
What do you want?
264
00:20:59,642 --> 00:21:01,542
What do you want?
What are you doing?
265
00:21:03,746 --> 00:21:04,735
God damn it!
266
00:21:04,814 --> 00:21:06,975
Nintendo Deer Hunter 3.
267
00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:09,017
I don't give a shit
what you want.
268
00:21:09,085 --> 00:21:11,747
Blowing snot all over everybody
and fucking whatever.
269
00:21:11,821 --> 00:21:13,846
Next.
Come on.
270
00:21:15,791 --> 00:21:17,349
What do you want?
271
00:21:17,426 --> 00:21:19,690
- Um, Santa?
- Yeah, I'm Santa.
272
00:21:19,762 --> 00:21:20,956
Come on.
What do you want?
273
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,191
- Um, Barbie.
- Say cheese.
274
00:21:23,265 --> 00:21:24,459
Okay. Fine.
Barbie.
275
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,795
Oh, thank you.
276
00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:28,837
Ow! Watch the toenails, kid!
Shit.
277
00:21:28,904 --> 00:21:30,201
Next.
278
00:21:31,307 --> 00:21:33,241
Next!
279
00:21:35,678 --> 00:21:36,770
What do you want?
280
00:21:36,846 --> 00:21:39,371
Fraggle-Stick car.
281
00:21:39,448 --> 00:21:41,439
What the fuck is that?
282
00:21:41,517 --> 00:21:43,075
Fraggle-Stick car.
283
00:21:43,152 --> 00:21:46,121
Well, I heard you.
Fraggle-Stick car. Fine.
284
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:02,996
Hey, check out this loser.
285
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:05,938
Hey, fat-ass.
How you doing today?
286
00:22:08,044 --> 00:22:09,602
Hey, loser.
287
00:22:09,678 --> 00:22:11,509
Hey, dipshit.
288
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,138
Moron.
289
00:22:13,682 --> 00:22:16,082
Hey, loser.
How you doing today?
290
00:22:16,886 --> 00:22:19,218
Dumb-ass,
why don't you turn around?
291
00:22:22,358 --> 00:22:24,826
You know what?
Fuck this.
292
00:22:29,532 --> 00:22:31,090
You're next.
293
00:22:31,167 --> 00:22:33,158
Next.
294
00:22:33,235 --> 00:22:36,602
I said next, God damn it.
This is not the DMV, all right?
295
00:22:36,672 --> 00:22:38,367
Move it along.
296
00:22:40,409 --> 00:22:42,809
What's your name?
You can tell me.
297
00:22:44,914 --> 00:22:47,178
I know.
How about Santa?
298
00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:49,809
If you don't tell him,
you won't get a present.
299
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:51,944
That's right.
300
00:22:52,021 --> 00:22:54,990
Come on and tell Santa
all about it.
301
00:22:58,627 --> 00:22:59,616
What do you want?
302
00:23:01,864 --> 00:23:03,456
Well, come on.
What do you want?
303
00:23:03,532 --> 00:23:05,397
A snot-rag?
304
00:23:08,404 --> 00:23:10,565
Great.
Another fucking Mongoloid.
305
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:13,972
Marcus, get this kid off me
before he pisses on me.
306
00:23:14,043 --> 00:23:15,704
Don't fuck with my beard.
307
00:23:15,778 --> 00:23:17,245
It's not real.
308
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:18,803
No shit.
309
00:23:18,881 --> 00:23:20,109
Well, it was real.
310
00:23:20,182 --> 00:23:23,515
But, you see, I got sick
and all the hair fell out.
311
00:23:23,586 --> 00:23:25,520
How did you get sick?
312
00:23:26,122 --> 00:23:28,056
I loved a woman
who wasn't clean.
313
00:23:28,124 --> 00:23:29,216
Mrs. Santa?
314
00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:30,519
No.
It was her sister.
315
00:23:30,593 --> 00:23:32,720
What's it like
at the North Pole?
316
00:23:32,795 --> 00:23:34,160
Like the suburbs.
317
00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:35,720
Which one?
318
00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:37,929
Apache Junction.
319
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,764
What the fuck do you care?
Now, get off my lap.
320
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,827
You sit there
like a fucking retard.
321
00:23:42,905 --> 00:23:44,873
You are really Santa, right?
322
00:23:44,940 --> 00:23:46,271
No.
I'm an accountant.
323
00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:49,800
I wear this fucking thing as
a fashion statement, all right?
324
00:23:49,879 --> 00:23:51,608
Okay.
325
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,205
Get this kid out of here.
He's freaking me out.
326
00:23:59,989 --> 00:24:03,322
I got to get a drink on.
I'll see you tomorrow.
327
00:24:03,392 --> 00:24:06,088
Just don't come into work
stinking of booze again.
328
00:24:06,162 --> 00:24:07,629
Yeah.
Why don't you get going?
329
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:10,688
You'll be late for your
"Wizard of Oz" Candy Bar Guild.
330
00:24:10,766 --> 00:24:13,166
Lollipop Guild, you asshole.
Jesus!
331
00:24:13,235 --> 00:24:15,635
Two-year-olds flip me shit
better than you.
332
00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:16,796
You saying something to me?
333
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:20,205
Yeah. I'm gonna stick
my whole fist up your ass.
334
00:24:28,484 --> 00:24:31,078
Jingle bells, jingle bells
335
00:24:31,153 --> 00:24:33,314
Jingle all the way
336
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:37,553
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
337
00:24:37,626 --> 00:24:40,151
Jingle bells, jingle bells
338
00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:42,254
Jingle all the way
339
00:24:42,331 --> 00:24:46,597
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
340
00:24:46,669 --> 00:24:51,231
Dashing through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh
341
00:24:51,307 --> 00:24:55,767
O'er the fields we go,
laughing all the way
342
00:24:55,844 --> 00:24:58,404
Bells on bobtail ring,
making spirits bright
343
00:24:58,480 --> 00:24:59,913
What?
344
00:24:59,982 --> 00:25:04,612
What fun it is to ride and
sing a sleighing song tonight
345
00:25:04,687 --> 00:25:07,520
Jingle bells, jingle bells
346
00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:08,522
Mmm.
347
00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:11,651
Another Grand-Dad, Santa?
348
00:25:11,727 --> 00:25:12,659
Yeah.
349
00:25:12,728 --> 00:25:13,820
Yeah?
350
00:25:13,896 --> 00:25:16,091
Jingle bells, jingle bells
351
00:25:16,165 --> 00:25:18,224
Jingle all the way
352
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:19,858
Oh, what fun it is to ride
353
00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:21,562
Got a name?
354
00:25:23,539 --> 00:25:25,268
Yeah.
355
00:25:27,109 --> 00:25:29,873
So, what do you do, you know...
356
00:25:29,945 --> 00:25:31,378
After the holidays, I mean.
357
00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:34,382
Well, nothing till March,
and then I'm the Easter Bunny.
358
00:25:39,221 --> 00:25:40,381
Oh. Another?
359
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:41,889
Yeah. Why not?
360
00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:47,027
Merry Christmas.
361
00:25:51,066 --> 00:25:53,159
Not a big talker.
362
00:25:53,235 --> 00:25:54,793
No, not really.
363
00:25:57,539 --> 00:25:59,200
- Buy you one?
- Why not?
364
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:06,641
Happy New Year.
365
00:26:09,785 --> 00:26:12,276
You're pretty regular
for a Santa.
366
00:26:12,354 --> 00:26:14,015
It's not that big
a fucking deal.
367
00:26:14,089 --> 00:26:16,284
It's just a job,
you know what I mean?
368
00:26:16,358 --> 00:26:20,727
I'm an eating, drinking,
shitting, fucking Santy Claus.
369
00:26:22,431 --> 00:26:23,796
Prove it.
370
00:26:26,769 --> 00:26:28,031
Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa.
371
00:26:28,103 --> 00:26:31,231
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
372
00:26:31,307 --> 00:26:32,865
Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa!
373
00:26:32,941 --> 00:26:34,306
Can't I at least take
this hat off?
374
00:26:34,376 --> 00:26:36,071
No. I love the hat.
375
00:26:36,145 --> 00:26:37,942
Okay.
376
00:26:38,013 --> 00:26:41,176
Whoo!
377
00:26:45,287 --> 00:26:49,519
I've always had a thing
for Santa Claus.
378
00:26:49,591 --> 00:26:51,218
In case you didn't notice.
379
00:26:51,293 --> 00:26:54,285
It's like some deep-seated
childhood thing.
380
00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:56,297
So is my thing for tits.
381
00:26:56,365 --> 00:26:58,629
Yeah.
It is like that, though.
382
00:26:58,701 --> 00:26:59,895
From when you're a kid.
383
00:26:59,968 --> 00:27:02,300
'Cause my dad was Jewish,
and we didn't have Christmas.
384
00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:06,865
So it was like
this forbidden thing.
385
00:27:09,945 --> 00:27:11,606
So...
386
00:27:14,316 --> 00:27:15,613
I like you.
387
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,018
Don't mothball that suit.
388
00:27:26,762 --> 00:27:27,694
What the fuck?
389
00:27:27,763 --> 00:27:29,754
I am not gay.
390
00:27:30,733 --> 00:27:32,758
- What the hell, buddy?
- Buddy?
391
00:27:32,835 --> 00:27:34,735
I said I am not gay.
392
00:27:34,803 --> 00:27:37,931
Are you off your fucking meds
or something?
393
00:27:38,006 --> 00:27:39,473
Yes.
394
00:27:39,541 --> 00:27:42,203
But that isn't
what this is about.
395
00:27:42,277 --> 00:27:43,972
You're as queer as a $ 10 bill.
396
00:27:44,046 --> 00:27:46,378
Let me tell you something,
motherfucker.
397
00:27:46,448 --> 00:27:50,145
My brother lost a goddamn arm
fighting you fuckers in Vietnam.
398
00:27:50,219 --> 00:27:53,416
So I want you to look at my face
one last fucking time.
399
00:27:53,489 --> 00:27:56,117
This is the last thing you're
ever gonna see before I...
400
00:27:56,191 --> 00:27:57,158
Elf fucker!
401
00:27:57,226 --> 00:27:59,319
- Motherfucker!
- Turn around, elf fucker.
402
00:27:59,395 --> 00:28:01,863
Who's the bitch now,
Santy Claus? Huh?
403
00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:03,659
Faggy Claus!
Faggy!
404
00:28:03,732 --> 00:28:04,994
Leave Santa alone!
405
00:28:05,067 --> 00:28:08,366
Little boy, don't interfere.
I am doing this for all of us.
406
00:28:08,437 --> 00:28:10,200
Leave Santa alone!
407
00:28:14,343 --> 00:28:16,675
Ass clown.
408
00:28:23,786 --> 00:28:25,720
Hey, you're that kid.
409
00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:29,515
What the fuck are you
doing here?
410
00:28:42,638 --> 00:28:44,902
This one fucking time
I take you home, okay?
411
00:28:44,973 --> 00:28:45,962
Uh-huh.
412
00:28:46,041 --> 00:28:47,474
I'm not your fucking dada.
413
00:28:47,543 --> 00:28:49,238
Uh-huh.
414
00:28:50,913 --> 00:28:53,848
It's not like you helped me
with that nutjob or anything.
415
00:28:53,916 --> 00:28:55,577
- Uh-huh.
- You're the right height.
416
00:28:55,651 --> 00:28:58,245
You're right there
to grab his balls.
417
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,515
- You could twist them.
- Why do you need a car?
418
00:29:00,589 --> 00:29:03,649
- What?
- This car.
419
00:29:03,725 --> 00:29:04,657
Which turn is it?
420
00:29:04,726 --> 00:29:06,819
Sage Terrace.
Where's your sleigh?
421
00:29:06,895 --> 00:29:09,056
It's in the shop,
getting repaired.
422
00:29:09,131 --> 00:29:11,565
- Where are the reindeer?
- I stabled them.
423
00:29:11,633 --> 00:29:12,895
Is it left or right?
424
00:29:12,968 --> 00:29:13,992
That way.
425
00:29:14,069 --> 00:29:15,696
Where's the stable?
426
00:29:15,771 --> 00:29:17,932
- Next to the shop.
- How do they sleep?
427
00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:20,099
Who? The reindeer?
Standing up.
428
00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:21,642
But the noise.
How do they sleep?
429
00:29:21,710 --> 00:29:23,701
- What noise?
- From the shop.
430
00:29:25,147 --> 00:29:27,240
They only work during the day,
all right?
431
00:29:27,316 --> 00:29:29,079
I thought it was always night
at the North Pole.
432
00:29:29,151 --> 00:29:31,085
Well, not now.
Right now it's always day.
433
00:29:31,153 --> 00:29:32,347
Then how do they sleep?
434
00:29:32,421 --> 00:29:34,719
Oh, shit. Sage Terrace.
435
00:29:34,790 --> 00:29:38,248
What is it with you? Somebody
drop you on your fucking head?
436
00:29:38,327 --> 00:29:39,726
On my head?
437
00:29:39,795 --> 00:29:42,059
Are they gonna drop you
on somebody else's head?
438
00:29:42,130 --> 00:29:43,791
How can they drop me
onto my own head?
439
00:29:43,866 --> 00:29:46,630
No, not onto your...
Would...
440
00:29:46,702 --> 00:29:49,762
God damn it!
Are you fucking with me?
441
00:29:53,809 --> 00:29:55,743
Okay.
Which house is it?
442
00:29:55,811 --> 00:29:57,073
That one.
443
00:29:57,145 --> 00:29:59,010
With Jesus and his family
there or what?
444
00:29:59,081 --> 00:30:00,639
No.
The one beside that.
445
00:30:00,716 --> 00:30:02,547
- Right here?
- Yeah. That one.
446
00:30:02,618 --> 00:30:04,108
All right.
447
00:30:12,294 --> 00:30:14,262
Nice digs.
448
00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:16,997
Is Daddy home?
449
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:19,033
He's on an adventure,
exploring mountains.
450
00:30:19,101 --> 00:30:20,534
He's been gone a long time.
451
00:30:20,602 --> 00:30:24,333
Exploring mountains, huh?
How long is he gonna be gone?
452
00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:25,338
Till next year.
453
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:26,704
Yeah?
What about Mommy?
454
00:30:26,775 --> 00:30:29,869
She lives in God's house with
Jesus and Mary and the ghost
455
00:30:29,945 --> 00:30:33,437
and the long-eared donkey and
Joseph and the talking walnut.
456
00:30:34,182 --> 00:30:35,979
Well, who the fuck takes care
of you, then?
457
00:30:36,051 --> 00:30:36,847
Grandma.
458
00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:38,511
Yeah?
What's her name?
459
00:30:38,587 --> 00:30:39,918
Grandma.
460
00:30:41,089 --> 00:30:42,989
Is Granny spry?
461
00:30:47,162 --> 00:30:48,151
Everybody!
462
00:30:48,230 --> 00:30:50,698
D- O-L-E, Dole
463
00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:51,892
Banana shuffle
464
00:30:51,967 --> 00:30:54,959
Grandma? Grandma?
465
00:30:55,470 --> 00:30:57,267
Santa's here.
466
00:30:57,339 --> 00:31:00,467
Oh, Roger.
You're home.
467
00:31:00,542 --> 00:31:02,806
Are you spry?
468
00:31:02,878 --> 00:31:06,143
Let me fix you some sandwiches.
469
00:31:13,555 --> 00:31:17,047
Are you telling me
she's the only one here?
470
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:18,490
Nobody else?
471
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,654
No aunts or cousins or uncles
or anything like that?
472
00:31:21,730 --> 00:31:23,698
A butler or security guard
or something?
473
00:31:23,765 --> 00:31:26,097
Nuh-unh.
474
00:31:26,168 --> 00:31:28,102
You're shitting me.
475
00:31:30,238 --> 00:31:32,365
Does your daddy have a safe?
476
00:31:38,347 --> 00:31:40,178
Need money to fix your sleigh?
477
00:31:40,248 --> 00:31:42,182
Exactly.
478
00:31:47,089 --> 00:31:48,920
You want milk and cookies?
479
00:31:48,991 --> 00:31:50,049
No.
480
00:31:50,125 --> 00:31:51,649
Should I fix you
some sandwiches?
481
00:31:51,727 --> 00:31:53,024
Unh-unh.
482
00:31:53,095 --> 00:31:54,562
Does your daddy have a car?
483
00:31:59,368 --> 00:32:01,734
Bye, Santa!
484
00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:07,172
First comes the stocking
of little Nell
485
00:32:07,242 --> 00:32:10,507
Dear old Santa,
fill it well
486
00:32:13,782 --> 00:32:15,044
Oh, my!
487
00:32:18,153 --> 00:32:20,053
Keep going.
- Jesus!
488
00:32:20,122 --> 00:32:21,419
Ohh!
489
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:25,592
Oh, God!
490
00:32:25,661 --> 00:32:26,593
Ooh!
491
00:32:26,662 --> 00:32:29,426
Oh, Zena!
Oh, Mary!
492
00:32:29,498 --> 00:32:30,556
Keep it going.
493
00:32:30,632 --> 00:32:32,361
Jesus Christ!
494
00:32:32,434 --> 00:32:34,129
Yeah, baby.
Yeah, baby.
495
00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:36,727
You ain't gonna
shit right for a week.
496
00:32:36,805 --> 00:32:37,737
Oh!
497
00:32:37,806 --> 00:32:39,239
- Yeah, buddy!
- Yeah!
498
00:32:39,307 --> 00:32:41,639
Whoo!
499
00:32:45,113 --> 00:32:47,274
It won't happen again.
I can promise you that.
500
00:32:47,349 --> 00:32:50,580
Willie here has low blood sugar.
That's all.
501
00:32:50,652 --> 00:32:52,847
That's right.
I forgot to take my pill.
502
00:32:53,522 --> 00:32:56,320
It's not just the swearing.
503
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:57,915
Um...
504
00:32:58,493 --> 00:33:00,927
Forgive me for prying.
505
00:33:00,996 --> 00:33:04,591
But did one of you, um...
506
00:33:04,666 --> 00:33:05,758
fornicate...
507
00:33:05,834 --> 00:33:06,801
Fornicate?
508
00:33:06,868 --> 00:33:10,565
Yes, with a heavyset woman
in the Big & Tall dressing room.
509
00:33:10,639 --> 00:33:13,107
Look, I've boned a lot
of fat chicks in my time, sure.
510
00:33:13,175 --> 00:33:18,306
But as far as I can recall,
I've never fornicated anybody.
511
00:33:18,380 --> 00:33:19,574
Yes, well, even still,
512
00:33:19,648 --> 00:33:22,583
I think it's best for
all parties considered if we...
513
00:33:22,651 --> 00:33:24,312
If we what?
514
00:33:24,886 --> 00:33:27,980
Well, I have someone else
interested in the position.
515
00:33:28,924 --> 00:33:30,448
Before you do something stupid,
516
00:33:30,525 --> 00:33:32,083
you may want to think
about this shit.
517
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:33,320
What are you talking about?
518
00:33:33,395 --> 00:33:35,989
I'm talking about firing
a little black midget.
519
00:33:36,064 --> 00:33:38,624
A colored, African-American
small person.
520
00:33:38,700 --> 00:33:39,928
That's what I'm talking about.
521
00:33:40,001 --> 00:33:44,097
I'm talking about your face
all over goddamn "USA Today."
522
00:33:44,172 --> 00:33:46,572
I'm talking about 150
of these little motherfuckers
523
00:33:46,641 --> 00:33:48,768
all over the sidewalk out there.
524
00:33:48,844 --> 00:33:50,744
Little picket signs,
chanting and raving.
525
00:33:50,812 --> 00:33:53,178
Using little bullhorns
and shit like that.
526
00:33:53,248 --> 00:33:55,842
Screaming and hollering
your name out.
527
00:33:55,917 --> 00:33:58,112
Unfair practices.
Get me?
528
00:33:58,186 --> 00:34:00,484
No. No, no.
This is not a handicap thing.
529
00:34:00,555 --> 00:34:02,819
I have nothing
against you people.
530
00:34:04,359 --> 00:34:05,724
"You people"?
531
00:34:05,794 --> 00:34:08,592
Did you hear that, Marcus?
He said, "You people."
532
00:34:08,663 --> 00:34:09,960
Who the hell is "us people"?
533
00:34:10,031 --> 00:34:11,293
Wait. Wait.
No, no.
534
00:34:11,366 --> 00:34:13,596
I... You don't under...
What?
535
00:34:13,668 --> 00:34:15,659
He...
No, no.
536
00:34:15,737 --> 00:34:18,672
Um, you know, I think it's best
537
00:34:18,740 --> 00:34:21,607
if we just forget we had
this conversation.
538
00:34:23,411 --> 00:34:25,072
Okay.
539
00:34:25,147 --> 00:34:26,409
Good thinking.
540
00:34:26,481 --> 00:34:28,972
And don't worry about us.
We'll be fine.
541
00:34:29,050 --> 00:34:31,484
Let's get the hell
out of here, Marcus.
542
00:34:36,558 --> 00:34:37,786
You're pathetic.
543
00:34:48,770 --> 00:34:50,829
I dig that little thing
on your belly button.
544
00:34:50,906 --> 00:34:52,168
What's that?
Like a diamond?
545
00:34:52,240 --> 00:34:54,208
It's a belly-button ring.
546
00:34:54,276 --> 00:34:55,675
Oh, yeah?
Hang on a second.
547
00:34:55,744 --> 00:34:57,405
Check this out.
548
00:34:57,479 --> 00:35:00,209
You got to thrust.
See what I'm saying?
549
00:35:00,649 --> 00:35:03,880
You gotta move the ball around.
You go up there, baby.
550
00:35:03,952 --> 00:35:05,283
Come on.
551
00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:07,617
See? Move the ball.
There you go.
552
00:35:07,689 --> 00:35:09,919
Motherfucker!
553
00:35:09,991 --> 00:35:13,188
Oh, you lousy, fucking
motherfucker.
554
00:35:16,598 --> 00:35:18,532
That's the shit
that's gonna get us pinched.
555
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:19,931
She said she was 18.
556
00:35:20,001 --> 00:35:21,400
But you promised no arcades.
557
00:35:21,469 --> 00:35:23,198
You said you'd only hustle
Big & Tall.
558
00:35:23,271 --> 00:35:26,069
You shat me out of your womb?
You're my fucking mom now?
559
00:35:26,141 --> 00:35:27,802
I don't need
any goddamn lectures.
560
00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:30,344
I know how to keep
a low profile. Thank you.
561
00:35:31,546 --> 00:35:34,276
What the fuck is this,
Mr. Low Profile?
562
00:35:34,349 --> 00:35:36,613
Mind your own goddamn business.
563
00:35:44,326 --> 00:35:46,260
Ever hear of
the open bottle law?
564
00:35:48,463 --> 00:35:53,526
A couple of days ago, I was in,
uh, Women's Big & Tall.
565
00:35:53,602 --> 00:35:55,661
And I heard these...
566
00:35:55,737 --> 00:35:59,833
Um, you know, these noises.
567
00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:04,436
And I heard a woman screaming,
"Yeah. Oh, yeah."
568
00:36:04,512 --> 00:36:07,845
And I heard his voice saying,
"That's right.
569
00:36:07,916 --> 00:36:13,912
You ain't going to S-H-I-T
right for a month."
570
00:36:15,223 --> 00:36:16,690
But don't get me wrong.
571
00:36:16,758 --> 00:36:19,852
I was against
the Clinton impeachment.
572
00:36:19,928 --> 00:36:21,919
What a man does
with his own penis...
573
00:36:21,997 --> 00:36:24,090
Oval Office,
Women's Big & Tall...
574
00:36:24,165 --> 00:36:26,861
it's not for
the American people to say.
575
00:36:26,935 --> 00:36:27,663
Yeah, right.
576
00:36:27,736 --> 00:36:31,263
But when you're dealing
with children...
577
00:36:34,509 --> 00:36:36,943
They have a tender sensibility.
578
00:36:37,012 --> 00:36:38,877
And you are in a position
of trust.
579
00:36:38,947 --> 00:36:44,510
I think perhaps someone who has
screaming orgasms
580
00:36:44,586 --> 00:36:47,214
with large women shouldn't...
581
00:36:47,289 --> 00:36:48,779
Yeah.
582
00:36:50,091 --> 00:36:51,820
Of course,
I can't fire him for that.
583
00:36:51,893 --> 00:36:54,123
Oh, yeah.
Unfair practices.
584
00:36:54,195 --> 00:36:56,755
Special pleading.
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
585
00:36:56,831 --> 00:36:58,196
Fucking broads.
586
00:36:58,266 --> 00:36:59,528
But I just can't help it.
587
00:36:59,601 --> 00:37:03,059
There's something about the guy
that makes me uneasy.
588
00:37:03,138 --> 00:37:04,105
Well, sure.
589
00:37:04,172 --> 00:37:06,868
Santa fucking someone
in the ass.
590
00:37:09,044 --> 00:37:11,103
So...
591
00:37:11,179 --> 00:37:13,739
Maybe there's something
I could fire him for.
592
00:37:15,050 --> 00:37:15,982
Yeah, I get you.
593
00:37:16,051 --> 00:37:17,712
Do you?
594
00:37:17,786 --> 00:37:19,651
Do you think
you could find something?
595
00:37:19,721 --> 00:37:22,690
Shit, yeah.
There's always something.
596
00:37:47,949 --> 00:37:48,938
Shit.
597
00:37:50,151 --> 00:37:52,619
Hey, Opal.
Come here.
598
00:37:52,687 --> 00:37:53,881
Unh-unh.
599
00:37:53,955 --> 00:37:55,786
Screw you, Willie,
your kinky ass.
600
00:37:55,857 --> 00:37:57,722
Last time I didn't shit right
for a week.
601
00:37:57,792 --> 00:38:00,818
No, it's not that.
I need to talk to you.
602
00:38:00,895 --> 00:38:03,864
I'm just tired of you, Willie.
603
00:38:04,799 --> 00:38:05,925
Ooh.
604
00:38:08,303 --> 00:38:10,237
Who the fuck is in my room?
605
00:38:10,305 --> 00:38:11,772
Did you see somebody
go in my room?
606
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:13,967
Yeah.
Some guy asking about you.
607
00:38:14,042 --> 00:38:15,202
Looked like a cop.
608
00:38:15,276 --> 00:38:16,868
Oh, shit.
609
00:38:18,179 --> 00:38:19,305
Marcus, it's Willie.
610
00:38:19,381 --> 00:38:21,474
I just got back to the motel.
611
00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:23,881
Some guy is nosing around
in my room.
612
00:38:23,952 --> 00:38:25,579
What guy?
You get a look at him?
613
00:38:25,653 --> 00:38:27,280
No.
But I think he's a cop, though.
614
00:38:27,355 --> 00:38:28,481
Think somebody's onto us?
615
00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:30,820
Is there anything in the room?
Anything professional?
616
00:38:30,892 --> 00:38:32,325
No, I just got clothes in there.
617
00:38:32,394 --> 00:38:33,725
Just ditch, you idiot.
618
00:38:33,795 --> 00:38:35,888
You got anywhere to sack out
for a while?
619
00:38:36,898 --> 00:38:38,661
- Santa!
- Yeah.
620
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:40,325
You're bringing
my present early?
621
00:38:40,402 --> 00:38:41,733
No.
622
00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:44,470
But I never told you
what I wanted.
623
00:38:44,539 --> 00:38:47,372
I said I didn't bring it,
dipshit.
624
00:38:47,442 --> 00:38:48,909
Okay. Good.
625
00:38:48,977 --> 00:38:52,003
I want a stuffed elephant.
A pink one.
626
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,071
Wish in one hand,
shit in the other one.
627
00:38:54,149 --> 00:38:56,982
See which one fills up first.
628
00:38:57,052 --> 00:38:58,485
Okay.
629
00:38:58,553 --> 00:39:00,748
So I'm gonna be staying here
for a while.
630
00:39:00,822 --> 00:39:02,847
Things are all fucked up
at the North Pole.
631
00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:04,949
Mrs. Santa caught me
fucking her sister.
632
00:39:05,026 --> 00:39:07,859
And I'm out on my ass now.
633
00:39:07,929 --> 00:39:09,794
She got half of everything.
634
00:39:09,864 --> 00:39:11,855
This is gonna be cool.
635
00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:13,764
This will do fine.
636
00:39:19,908 --> 00:39:21,899
So I'm gonna be crashing here.
637
00:39:21,976 --> 00:39:25,173
It will be just you and me,
like roommates, you know?
638
00:39:25,246 --> 00:39:27,407
Do you and Mrs. Santa have kids?
639
00:39:27,482 --> 00:39:29,109
No.
Thank the fuck Christ.
640
00:39:29,184 --> 00:39:31,152
What about the elves?
641
00:39:31,586 --> 00:39:34,180
Well, they stay with Mrs. Santa.
642
00:39:34,756 --> 00:39:36,485
I get them on the weekends.
643
00:39:36,558 --> 00:39:38,753
Why don't you go run me a bath?
644
00:39:42,597 --> 00:39:43,996
What about the reindeer?
645
00:39:44,065 --> 00:39:46,625
Would you please shut up
about reindeer?
646
00:39:48,203 --> 00:39:49,636
What are their names?
647
00:39:49,704 --> 00:39:50,693
Who?
648
00:39:50,772 --> 00:39:51,830
The elves.
649
00:39:51,906 --> 00:39:53,271
Oh, shit.
I can't remember.
650
00:39:53,341 --> 00:39:55,707
I think one of them is Sneezy.
There's a Dopey.
651
00:39:55,777 --> 00:39:57,677
That's the Seven Dwarfs.
652
00:39:57,745 --> 00:39:59,474
Oh, you're shitting me.
653
00:39:59,547 --> 00:40:02,641
I thought...
I was thinking it was the...
654
00:40:02,717 --> 00:40:03,979
I don't know.
Fuck, kid.
655
00:40:04,052 --> 00:40:06,145
I just call them, "bub."
656
00:40:06,221 --> 00:40:08,280
I say, "Hey, bub" or "chief"
or whatever the fuck.
657
00:40:08,356 --> 00:40:10,119
I tell him to make
the goddamn toy.
658
00:40:10,191 --> 00:40:12,159
What the fuck is wrong
with you?
659
00:40:12,227 --> 00:40:13,990
I can't remember this shit!
660
00:40:14,062 --> 00:40:17,088
Does everything with you
have to be a fucking test?
661
00:40:19,701 --> 00:40:21,100
How old are they?
662
00:40:26,608 --> 00:40:28,166
You want cookies?
663
00:40:29,077 --> 00:40:30,066
No.
664
00:40:30,145 --> 00:40:31,373
Warm milk?
665
00:40:31,446 --> 00:40:32,344
No.
666
00:40:32,413 --> 00:40:34,108
Should I fix you
some sandwiches?
667
00:40:34,182 --> 00:40:35,945
I don't want
any fucking sandwiches.
668
00:40:36,017 --> 00:40:38,508
What is it with you
and fixing fucking sandwiches?
669
00:40:38,586 --> 00:40:40,884
Okay.
Do you want anything else?
670
00:40:40,955 --> 00:40:42,582
No.
671
00:40:44,659 --> 00:40:46,126
Okay.
672
00:40:54,602 --> 00:40:56,467
Santa?
673
00:41:01,609 --> 00:41:02,837
What?
674
00:41:02,911 --> 00:41:05,471
I brought you some orange juice.
675
00:41:08,550 --> 00:41:09,642
What's in it?
676
00:41:09,717 --> 00:41:11,309
Oranges.
677
00:41:14,088 --> 00:41:15,919
Look what I have.
678
00:41:15,990 --> 00:41:18,049
An Advent calendar.
679
00:41:18,126 --> 00:41:19,252
What the hell is that?
680
00:41:19,327 --> 00:41:23,093
It's the story of Christmas,
but in a calendar.
681
00:41:23,164 --> 00:41:25,189
Every day you peel open
a new box.
682
00:41:25,266 --> 00:41:26,858
You get part of the story.
683
00:41:26,935 --> 00:41:28,926
And then there's
a chocolate inside.
684
00:41:29,003 --> 00:41:31,631
Do you want to open up
today's box and read it?
685
00:41:32,607 --> 00:41:34,541
No.
You go ahead.
686
00:41:36,511 --> 00:41:39,912
Jesus Christ, kid.
Watch the nuts.
687
00:41:47,488 --> 00:41:51,117
"So Joseph went up from
the town of Nazareth in Galilee
688
00:41:51,192 --> 00:41:54,184
to Judea, to Bethlehem,
the town of David.
689
00:41:54,262 --> 00:41:57,197
In those days Caesar Augustus
issued a decree
690
00:41:57,265 --> 00:42:00,291
that a census should be taken
of the entire Roman world.
691
00:42:00,368 --> 00:42:03,531
Everyone went to his hometown
to register."
692
00:42:06,674 --> 00:42:08,335
- That it?
- Yep.
693
00:42:08,409 --> 00:42:10,741
That's an awesome
fucking story, kid.
694
00:42:10,812 --> 00:42:14,270
There's more to it, but we
have to wait till tomorrow.
695
00:42:15,683 --> 00:42:17,913
Do you want to eat
the chocolate?
696
00:42:18,987 --> 00:42:20,045
You go ahead.
697
00:42:23,258 --> 00:42:25,522
Are you coming downstairs?
698
00:42:25,593 --> 00:42:28,255
I'll be down in a minute.
I got to go to work.
699
00:42:39,674 --> 00:42:40,936
Fuck me?
Fuck you.
700
00:42:41,009 --> 00:42:43,000
You can't just take up
with some kid.
701
00:42:43,077 --> 00:42:45,443
You don't know who's around
or what they do.
702
00:42:45,513 --> 00:42:47,947
You got some nerve,
you little shit, you.
703
00:42:48,016 --> 00:42:50,678
What, you're my mom now?
You shat me out of your womb?
704
00:42:50,752 --> 00:42:54,188
You said that yesterday,
you stupid fuck.
705
00:42:54,255 --> 00:42:55,882
Shit.
706
00:42:56,724 --> 00:42:58,624
Fuck you.
707
00:43:07,402 --> 00:43:09,700
You are by far the dumbest,
708
00:43:09,771 --> 00:43:12,399
most pathetic piece
of maggot-eating shit
709
00:43:12,473 --> 00:43:15,909
that has ever slid
from a human being's hairy ass.
710
00:43:16,778 --> 00:43:19,508
What if the kid has one of those
fucking playdates they have now?
711
00:43:19,580 --> 00:43:22,310
Are you shitting me?
The kid don't have any friends.
712
00:43:22,383 --> 00:43:25,511
He don't even have an imaginary
friend unless he ditched him.
713
00:43:25,586 --> 00:43:28,555
He lives with his drooling-ass
old grandmother.
714
00:43:28,623 --> 00:43:30,318
Sits in front of the TV
all the time.
715
00:43:30,391 --> 00:43:31,790
You think she's gonna
rat me out?
716
00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:34,794
She don't know her ass
from last Tuesday.
717
00:43:35,430 --> 00:43:36,795
You fuck her?
718
00:43:38,433 --> 00:43:39,559
Jesus Christ.
719
00:43:39,634 --> 00:43:41,534
Is everything fucking sex
with you?
720
00:43:41,602 --> 00:43:43,661
With me?
I fuck one person.
721
00:43:43,738 --> 00:43:45,262
I ain't out there
serial fornicating,
722
00:43:45,340 --> 00:43:47,467
trying to float my liver,
drinking myself silly
723
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:50,568
'cause I can't stand
what a piece of shit I am.
724
00:43:50,645 --> 00:43:53,375
What are you,
Sigmund Sawed-off Fucking Freud?
725
00:43:53,448 --> 00:43:55,075
Yeah, that's right.
726
00:43:55,149 --> 00:43:56,707
Go ahead.
Talk about my height.
727
00:43:56,784 --> 00:43:58,411
Make it about something safe
728
00:43:58,486 --> 00:44:00,351
'cause you're
an emotional cripple.
729
00:44:00,421 --> 00:44:01,979
Your soul is dog shit.
730
00:44:02,056 --> 00:44:04,547
Every single fucking thing
about you is ugly.
731
00:44:11,299 --> 00:44:13,824
Come on, Lois.
Let's get out of here.
732
00:44:23,745 --> 00:44:27,306
Look who's here, Jimmy.
It's Santa.
733
00:44:27,382 --> 00:44:28,906
That's fucking great.
734
00:44:28,983 --> 00:44:31,543
Let's tell him what you want
for Christmas.
735
00:44:32,019 --> 00:44:33,680
Fuck.
736
00:44:36,224 --> 00:44:40,354
I'm on my fucking
lunch break, okay?
737
00:44:40,428 --> 00:44:42,453
Are you insane?
738
00:44:42,530 --> 00:44:44,327
Management's gonna hear
about this.
739
00:44:44,399 --> 00:44:46,833
You think that's a threat?
740
00:44:46,901 --> 00:44:50,064
If you think you can make my
life any worse, go right ahead.
741
00:44:50,138 --> 00:44:52,902
Be my fucking guest.
Take a shot.
742
00:45:02,216 --> 00:45:08,485
It's the most wonderful time
of the year
743
00:45:08,556 --> 00:45:10,353
With the kids
jingle-belling
744
00:45:10,425 --> 00:45:14,987
And everyone telling you,
"Be of good cheer"
745
00:45:15,062 --> 00:45:22,525
It's the most wonderful time
of the year
746
00:45:22,603 --> 00:45:24,730
Just looking.
747
00:45:24,806 --> 00:45:26,535
Aah!
748
00:45:32,213 --> 00:45:34,807
Find everything
you're looking for?
749
00:45:34,882 --> 00:45:37,112
Um, yeah.
Thank you.
750
00:45:37,185 --> 00:45:40,052
Nothing I can help
you with, huh?
751
00:45:40,121 --> 00:45:44,057
No. I'm just looking at
the games 'cause I have an Xbox.
752
00:45:44,125 --> 00:45:46,958
Get your hands
out of my pants, man!
753
00:45:47,028 --> 00:45:50,395
You're stealing from the store,
you're stealing from me.
754
00:45:50,465 --> 00:45:51,796
What is this?
755
00:45:51,866 --> 00:45:53,800
I was gonna pay for it.
756
00:45:53,868 --> 00:45:54,926
Wrong answer.
757
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,902
When I look at you,
you know what I think?
758
00:45:56,971 --> 00:45:59,769
I think America has
a sad future ahead of it.
759
00:45:59,841 --> 00:46:02,366
And you're part
of this sorry-ass generation.
760
00:46:02,443 --> 00:46:04,035
What you want to be
when you grow up?
761
00:46:04,111 --> 00:46:06,409
I don't know.
762
00:46:06,481 --> 00:46:08,642
- This MP3?
- Yeah.
763
00:46:08,716 --> 00:46:10,081
Take it off.
764
00:46:10,151 --> 00:46:12,711
But my grandmother gave...
765
00:46:12,787 --> 00:46:15,221
Take it off. I don't care
who gave it to you.
766
00:46:15,289 --> 00:46:17,257
Take it off.
767
00:46:17,325 --> 00:46:19,225
I don't care if it choke you
to death.
768
00:46:19,293 --> 00:46:21,386
Now, I want you to get on
out of here. Get!
769
00:46:21,462 --> 00:46:23,089
- But can I have...
- Get!
770
00:46:23,164 --> 00:46:24,324
Happy Kwanzaa.
771
00:46:27,869 --> 00:46:29,837
And pull your damn pants up!
772
00:46:29,904 --> 00:46:31,769
What's wrong with you kids
these days?
773
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,302
Gin?
774
00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:36,104
- Yeah.
- What do you need?
775
00:46:36,177 --> 00:46:37,906
I need you to run a plate
for me.
776
00:46:37,979 --> 00:46:39,105
It's Arizona plates.
777
00:46:39,180 --> 00:46:40,977
Hold on.
Let me get a pen.
778
00:47:07,909 --> 00:47:09,342
Is that it?
779
00:47:20,154 --> 00:47:24,090
For Christ's sake, make a move
and stick with it, would you?
780
00:47:32,199 --> 00:47:33,860
King me.
781
00:47:36,270 --> 00:47:38,135
Son of a bitch!
782
00:47:38,205 --> 00:47:42,835
You lousy, cheating little shit!
783
00:47:44,679 --> 00:47:47,239
You're fucking with me!
You did that on purpose.
784
00:47:47,315 --> 00:47:49,875
You play like the dead lice
are falling off of you,
785
00:47:49,951 --> 00:47:52,784
and then suddenly, you're like
Seabiscuit all over the place.
786
00:47:52,853 --> 00:47:55,344
You're a smartass,
is what you are, kid.
787
00:47:56,390 --> 00:47:58,153
Want to play again?
788
00:48:02,863 --> 00:48:04,455
Howdy.
Herb Gunner.
789
00:48:04,532 --> 00:48:06,898
I live two streets over
on Burning Trail Road.
790
00:48:06,968 --> 00:48:08,697
I don't think we've met.
791
00:48:11,606 --> 00:48:12,800
I'm Uncle Willie.
792
00:48:12,873 --> 00:48:15,637
I'm organizing the decorations
for the subdivision this year.
793
00:48:15,710 --> 00:48:18,144
- You mind if I come in?
- Yeah.
794
00:48:18,212 --> 00:48:20,612
I mean yeah, I mind.
795
00:48:20,681 --> 00:48:21,875
Okay. Uh...
796
00:48:21,949 --> 00:48:25,908
Will you be participating in our
luminarias program this year?
797
00:48:27,955 --> 00:48:30,788
- What the hell is a lunamaria?
- They're luminarias.
798
00:48:30,858 --> 00:48:33,292
Small sacks filled with
about a pound of sand each.
799
00:48:33,361 --> 00:48:35,329
We insert a candle
in the middle, light it,
800
00:48:35,396 --> 00:48:36,727
and the bag glows.
801
00:48:36,797 --> 00:48:38,458
Then we line
all the sidewalks here
802
00:48:38,532 --> 00:48:40,898
all around the neighborhood.
803
00:48:41,502 --> 00:48:45,438
You see, we don't celebrate
Christmas around here, so...
804
00:48:45,506 --> 00:48:48,737
We're, uh, we're Muslims.
805
00:48:48,809 --> 00:48:50,868
Look, it's my first year
running this.
806
00:48:50,945 --> 00:48:53,243
I'd like it if there weren't
any gaps in it.
807
00:48:53,314 --> 00:48:56,044
What if I come by
Christmas Eve and do it for you?
808
00:48:56,117 --> 00:48:58,210
No, you know what?
You don't have to do that.
809
00:48:58,285 --> 00:49:00,879
Yeah, me and the kid here,
we'll do something.
810
00:49:00,955 --> 00:49:02,217
Great.
I got the supplies.
811
00:49:02,289 --> 00:49:03,756
- I'll throw them in the garage.
- Perfect.
812
00:49:03,824 --> 00:49:05,724
Awesome.
813
00:49:05,793 --> 00:49:07,488
Going in the garage,
just so you know.
814
00:49:07,561 --> 00:49:11,190
You can make
a delicious six-pound chicken.
815
00:49:11,265 --> 00:49:14,393
Enough hot dogs and sausages
to feed a small army.
816
00:49:14,468 --> 00:49:17,699
Not one, but two delicious
rotisserie chickens.
817
00:49:17,772 --> 00:49:20,240
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa.
818
00:49:20,307 --> 00:49:23,174
Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
819
00:49:23,244 --> 00:49:26,236
Scrumptious
61/2-pound standing rib roast.
820
00:49:26,313 --> 00:49:30,977
And everybody's favorite,
baby back ribs.
821
00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:47,462
This is such a nice house.
822
00:49:47,535 --> 00:49:50,060
Needs a woman's touch, though.
823
00:49:50,137 --> 00:49:53,129
I just rent
the fucking place anyway.
824
00:49:55,976 --> 00:49:57,568
Yeah.
I just rent stuff, too.
825
00:49:57,645 --> 00:49:58,805
Yeah?
826
00:50:06,287 --> 00:50:08,414
How long are you gonna be here?
827
00:50:08,489 --> 00:50:10,548
What? On the couch?
828
00:50:10,624 --> 00:50:12,251
No.
829
00:50:12,326 --> 00:50:14,055
In town.
830
00:50:15,629 --> 00:50:18,291
I don't know.
Just through the holidays.
831
00:50:18,365 --> 00:50:20,663
You know, then I'll move on.
832
00:50:23,037 --> 00:50:24,504
So, do you like kids?
833
00:50:25,706 --> 00:50:27,503
Fuck, no!
834
00:50:27,575 --> 00:50:30,043
Do you think
I'm some kind of pervert?
835
00:50:30,111 --> 00:50:33,012
I just mean because
you're Santa Claus.
836
00:50:34,048 --> 00:50:35,015
Oh.
837
00:50:35,082 --> 00:50:37,346
I like kids.
I really like kids.
838
00:50:37,418 --> 00:50:39,579
- You do?
- I love kids.
839
00:50:39,653 --> 00:50:41,314
Well, good.
840
00:50:42,590 --> 00:50:45,650
Yeah, they're something else,
those kids.
841
00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:49,695
And to tell you the truth...
842
00:50:51,332 --> 00:50:55,393
The fact of the matter is,
I'm not Santa.
843
00:50:58,172 --> 00:51:00,663
Like ya anyway.
844
00:51:15,122 --> 00:51:17,454
So, you'll call me, right?
845
00:51:17,525 --> 00:51:20,289
Yeah.
I'll call you.
846
00:51:20,361 --> 00:51:21,692
I'm gonna buy you some flowers.
847
00:51:21,762 --> 00:51:24,196
Some of those
really good expensive ones.
848
00:51:24,265 --> 00:51:25,527
Shut up.
849
00:51:27,802 --> 00:51:29,736
Bye.
850
00:52:37,304 --> 00:52:38,794
Roger, you're home.
851
00:52:38,873 --> 00:52:41,569
Let me fix you some sandwiches.
852
00:52:43,844 --> 00:52:44,833
What the fuck?
853
00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:48,313
Kid, what the fuck
is wrong with you?
854
00:52:53,354 --> 00:52:54,753
Jesus Christ!
855
00:52:54,822 --> 00:52:56,289
Let me see it!
Let me see it!
856
00:52:56,357 --> 00:52:57,654
What the hell happened to you?!
857
00:52:57,725 --> 00:53:00,956
I cut my hand by mistake!
Ow!
858
00:53:01,028 --> 00:53:03,588
- Of course it was by mistake.
- Ow!
859
00:53:03,664 --> 00:53:05,655
Here, hold still.
Hold still.
860
00:53:07,201 --> 00:53:09,396
I was just trying to help you!
861
00:53:09,470 --> 00:53:12,337
I forgot to say,
"It's gonna sting a little bit."
862
00:53:12,406 --> 00:53:14,897
Shouldn't I wrap it
in a T-shirt or something?
863
00:53:14,975 --> 00:53:16,670
God damn it.
864
00:53:21,148 --> 00:53:24,049
Hey, kid?
865
00:53:25,219 --> 00:53:27,779
Kid, you okay up there?
866
00:53:27,855 --> 00:53:30,380
You need a Band-Aid
or something?
867
00:53:39,633 --> 00:53:41,726
Aw, shit.
868
00:53:50,544 --> 00:53:51,738
You're late.
869
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:00,311
Kids.
Let me tell you.
870
00:54:03,824 --> 00:54:05,655
They run you ragged.
871
00:54:17,338 --> 00:54:19,533
Morning, team.
872
00:54:20,074 --> 00:54:21,166
Hey, hey, hey.
873
00:54:21,241 --> 00:54:23,505
It's not quite 8:00 yet.
874
00:54:24,511 --> 00:54:26,536
Well, how close are we?
875
00:54:31,051 --> 00:54:32,382
Now it's 8:00.
876
00:54:32,453 --> 00:54:33,545
Merry Christmas.
877
00:54:33,620 --> 00:54:35,588
Up your ass.
878
00:54:41,929 --> 00:54:43,294
God damn it!
879
00:54:43,364 --> 00:54:44,922
You tear your ball again?
880
00:54:44,999 --> 00:54:46,261
I don't think so.
881
00:54:46,333 --> 00:54:48,927
That's it.
882
00:55:05,452 --> 00:55:07,579
God damn it!
883
00:55:22,636 --> 00:55:24,661
Sweetheart,
don't romance 'em, now.
884
00:55:24,738 --> 00:55:26,399
Go on and get in there.
I can take it.
885
00:55:29,043 --> 00:55:29,941
Yeah.
886
00:55:30,010 --> 00:55:32,001
Gin, I got the info
on that Arizona plate.
887
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:34,047
All right.
Now you're talking.
888
00:55:34,114 --> 00:55:36,139
Oh, hold on one minute.
889
00:55:36,216 --> 00:55:38,616
Baby, baby. Baby, baby.
Don't use that one.
890
00:55:38,685 --> 00:55:39,743
That's not the stuff.
891
00:55:39,820 --> 00:55:42,118
Use something
with some claws to it.
892
00:55:42,189 --> 00:55:44,589
Yeah, that hard candy.
That's it right there.
893
00:55:44,658 --> 00:55:47,923
Let me get some of that.
Yeah, that's it.
894
00:55:47,995 --> 00:55:49,326
Okay.
895
00:55:49,396 --> 00:55:50,328
Yeah, I'm back.
896
00:55:50,397 --> 00:55:51,830
The guy's Roger Merman.
897
00:55:51,899 --> 00:55:54,129
- Guess where he is.
- Give it to me.
898
00:55:54,201 --> 00:55:57,295
Ow! Damn it!
What's wrong with you, woman?
899
00:56:06,713 --> 00:56:08,305
Who are you?
900
00:56:08,382 --> 00:56:09,610
Your name Roger Merman?
901
00:56:09,683 --> 00:56:10,672
Yes. But...
902
00:56:10,751 --> 00:56:12,480
You doing three to six
for embezzlement?
903
00:56:12,553 --> 00:56:17,149
Uh, well, many accounting
questions are not cut-and-dried.
904
00:56:17,224 --> 00:56:19,658
Do you live at 41 Sage Terrace?
905
00:56:19,726 --> 00:56:21,694
Is it Grandma?
906
00:56:21,762 --> 00:56:22,956
Is my son all right?
907
00:56:23,030 --> 00:56:24,361
They're fine.
908
00:56:24,431 --> 00:56:26,729
Do you have any houseguests?
909
00:56:27,434 --> 00:56:28,560
Houseguests?
910
00:56:30,471 --> 00:56:32,962
Thank you for your time.
God bless.
911
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:35,699
Well, hey, who are you?
912
00:56:37,978 --> 00:56:40,173
Houseguests?
913
00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:45,810
Little trick I learned
up at the North Pole.
914
00:56:45,886 --> 00:56:48,650
If you fry baloney,
it tastes like a hot dog.
915
00:56:48,722 --> 00:56:50,622
I thought you
didn't like sandwiches.
916
00:56:50,691 --> 00:56:52,625
Yeah, but this
is not a sandwich.
917
00:56:52,693 --> 00:56:54,251
A sandwich has
two pieces of bread
918
00:56:54,328 --> 00:56:56,159
with a bunch of junk on it.
919
00:56:57,397 --> 00:56:58,921
It's like a tostada.
920
00:56:58,999 --> 00:57:01,593
This isn't a tostada.
921
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:02,999
There you go, Granny.
922
00:57:04,004 --> 00:57:06,336
Little salsa here.
923
00:57:07,407 --> 00:57:09,807
Now it's a tostada.
924
00:57:10,410 --> 00:57:12,173
Have you seen
my Advent calendar?
925
00:57:12,246 --> 00:57:14,646
What the fuck is it
with the Advent calendar?
926
00:57:14,715 --> 00:57:16,876
Why are you so obsessed
with that goddamn thing?
927
00:57:16,950 --> 00:57:18,941
The story sucks anyway.
928
00:57:23,023 --> 00:57:24,581
I think I saw it in the hallway.
929
00:57:24,658 --> 00:57:26,387
- Really?
- I think so.
930
00:57:35,169 --> 00:57:37,933
Looks like someone messed
with my Advent calendar.
931
00:57:38,005 --> 00:57:40,565
What are you talking about?
Let me see.
932
00:57:41,808 --> 00:57:44,174
Nobody messed with it.
It looks fine.
933
00:57:58,825 --> 00:58:01,589
There's a candy corn
in this one.
934
00:58:01,662 --> 00:58:04,290
Well, they can't all be winners,
can they?
935
00:58:09,236 --> 00:58:12,205
Well, it's fucked.
936
00:58:12,272 --> 00:58:13,671
Yeah?
937
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,367
Yeah.
938
00:58:15,442 --> 00:58:17,137
- Fucked, frankly.
- He's...
939
00:58:17,211 --> 00:58:18,803
- Clean...
- Oh.
940
00:58:18,879 --> 00:58:20,574
- As a fucking whistle.
- Nothing?
941
00:58:20,647 --> 00:58:21,944
- No.
- Oh.
942
00:58:22,015 --> 00:58:23,949
- Nothing. I mean shit.
- Yeah.
943
00:58:24,017 --> 00:58:25,279
- He curses.
- Yeah?
944
00:58:25,352 --> 00:58:27,149
- But never around children.
- Oh.
945
00:58:27,221 --> 00:58:28,654
- No criminal record.
- Yeah.
946
00:58:28,722 --> 00:58:31,316
- No parking tickets.
- Nothing.
947
00:58:31,391 --> 00:58:33,484
- No bad habits, even.
- Oh.
948
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:34,857
Sex, yeah.
949
00:58:34,928 --> 00:58:37,590
- But man is a sexual being.
- Yeah.
950
00:58:37,664 --> 00:58:39,461
- Fuckin' Darwinian.
- Oh.
951
00:58:39,533 --> 00:58:41,592
- You can't do shit about that.
- No.
952
00:58:41,668 --> 00:58:43,363
Hell, I wouldn't want to.
953
00:58:46,340 --> 00:58:49,832
No, of course not.
I'm not advocating celibacy.
954
00:58:49,910 --> 00:58:52,674
Hope not. It'd be the end
of the fucking human race.
955
00:58:52,746 --> 00:58:54,509
Yeah.
956
00:58:54,581 --> 00:58:56,242
Fucks large women.
957
00:58:57,117 --> 00:58:58,778
What can I say?
958
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:14,289
Hey, look,
it's the retard again.
959
00:59:25,145 --> 00:59:26,112
Wedgie.
960
00:59:26,179 --> 00:59:27,840
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
961
00:59:30,217 --> 00:59:31,684
Well, what the hell do you want?
962
00:59:31,752 --> 00:59:33,151
Pokémon!
963
00:59:33,220 --> 00:59:34,585
Done.
964
00:59:38,959 --> 00:59:42,190
You probably shouldn't
be digging in your ass.
965
00:59:43,430 --> 00:59:45,261
Santa...
966
00:59:46,833 --> 00:59:48,630
Oh, jeez.
967
00:59:51,972 --> 00:59:54,372
- Is that your underwear?
- Part of it.
968
00:59:54,441 --> 00:59:56,238
Where the hell's the rest of it?
969
00:59:56,310 --> 00:59:58,778
No, actually, don't tell me.
What do you want?
970
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:02,406
I was thinking I wanted a purple
stuffed elephant, not pink.
971
01:00:02,482 --> 01:00:04,177
But now I changed my mind.
972
01:00:04,251 --> 01:00:07,186
- Yeah, what?
- Now I don't want an elephant.
973
01:00:07,254 --> 01:00:08,812
I want a gorilla named Davey
974
01:00:08,889 --> 01:00:11,756
for beating up the skateboard
kids who pull on my underwear.
975
01:00:11,825 --> 01:00:14,191
He could take his orders
from the talking walnut,
976
01:00:14,261 --> 01:00:16,695
so it wouldn't be my bad thing.
977
01:00:21,301 --> 01:00:22,529
Jesus, kid.
978
01:00:22,602 --> 01:00:24,866
When I was your age,
I didn't need no gorilla,
979
01:00:24,938 --> 01:00:26,906
and I wasn't as big
as one of your legs.
980
01:00:26,973 --> 01:00:29,373
Four kids beat me up
and I went crying to my daddy.
981
01:00:29,443 --> 01:00:31,308
- You know what he did?
- He made it all better?
982
01:00:31,378 --> 01:00:34,142
No, he kicked my ass.
You know why?
983
01:00:34,214 --> 01:00:37,115
'Cause you went to the bathroom
on Mommy's dishes?
984
01:00:37,184 --> 01:00:38,776
What the fuck?
985
01:00:38,852 --> 01:00:39,716
No.
986
01:00:39,786 --> 01:00:42,448
He tried to teach you
not to cry and be a man?
987
01:00:42,522 --> 01:00:46,686
No. It's because he was
a mean, drunk son of a bitch.
988
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:48,421
When he wasn't busting my ass,
989
01:00:48,495 --> 01:00:50,326
he was putting cigarettes out
on my neck.
990
01:00:50,397 --> 01:00:51,728
The world ain't fair.
991
01:00:51,798 --> 01:00:54,198
You gotta take what you need
when you can get it.
992
01:00:54,267 --> 01:00:56,963
Learn to stand up for yourself.
Quit being a pussy.
993
01:00:57,037 --> 01:00:59,699
Kick these kids
in the balls or something.
994
01:01:01,341 --> 01:01:02,899
Or don't.
Shit, I don't care.
995
01:01:02,976 --> 01:01:05,467
Just leave me out of it.
Now, get on out of here.
996
01:01:05,545 --> 01:01:08,070
Okay.
Thanks, Santa.
997
01:01:22,529 --> 01:01:24,997
Go get the next lucky boy
or girl, okay?
998
01:01:26,333 --> 01:01:28,096
All right, next.
999
01:01:29,936 --> 01:01:32,268
Open the ropes there, Marcus.
1000
01:01:33,306 --> 01:01:34,500
I know you?
1001
01:01:34,574 --> 01:01:35,598
Not yet.
1002
01:01:37,811 --> 01:01:40,075
Seven cities in seven years.
1003
01:01:40,147 --> 01:01:41,808
Pretty impressive.
1004
01:01:41,882 --> 01:01:44,180
The store changes,
your name changes.
1005
01:01:44,251 --> 01:01:46,719
But you always get away clean.
1006
01:01:46,787 --> 01:01:48,049
Yeah.
1007
01:01:48,121 --> 01:01:50,021
Pretty darn impressive.
1008
01:01:50,090 --> 01:01:51,682
Well, let's face the facts.
1009
01:01:51,758 --> 01:01:53,988
Y'all are a couple
of half-bucket small-timers.
1010
01:01:54,060 --> 01:01:57,291
You, because of your physical
attributes, found a niche,
1011
01:01:57,364 --> 01:01:58,888
and I respect that.
1012
01:01:58,965 --> 01:02:00,990
But you also been caught...
1013
01:02:02,102 --> 01:02:03,228
...by me.
1014
01:02:03,303 --> 01:02:06,136
So this is how it's gonna be.
1015
01:02:06,206 --> 01:02:07,833
I don't want to take over.
1016
01:02:07,908 --> 01:02:10,172
I don't even want to change
your scam.
1017
01:02:10,243 --> 01:02:12,336
Whatever you guys do, it works.
1018
01:02:12,412 --> 01:02:14,312
All I want is a taste.
1019
01:02:14,381 --> 01:02:16,906
When the deed is done,
we part ways.
1020
01:02:16,983 --> 01:02:18,814
I'll buy a little ranch
in Havasu,
1021
01:02:18,885 --> 01:02:22,252
and you all take your little
medicine show back on the road.
1022
01:02:24,891 --> 01:02:26,188
- How much?
- Half.
1023
01:02:26,259 --> 01:02:28,557
No way! You don't know
who you're fucking with.
1024
01:02:28,628 --> 01:02:31,791
Back off, Will.
I got this. I got this!
1025
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:35,065
Okay. 30%.
1026
01:02:35,135 --> 01:02:37,933
There's three of us.
30%. That's fair.
1027
01:02:38,004 --> 01:02:39,699
Half.
1028
01:02:39,773 --> 01:02:41,070
I meant 33%...
1029
01:02:41,141 --> 01:02:42,005
I meant half.
1030
01:02:42,075 --> 01:02:43,099
...and 1/3.
1031
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:44,666
Half.
1032
01:02:45,979 --> 01:02:47,173
35%.
1033
01:02:48,114 --> 01:02:48,842
Half.
1034
01:02:48,915 --> 01:02:50,576
40%.
1035
01:02:51,751 --> 01:02:53,184
Half.
1036
01:02:55,222 --> 01:02:56,587
42%.
1037
01:02:58,758 --> 01:03:00,123
Half.
1038
01:03:05,098 --> 01:03:06,258
45%.
1039
01:03:12,305 --> 01:03:13,897
Half.
1040
01:03:15,008 --> 01:03:15,997
48%?
1041
01:03:17,177 --> 01:03:19,236
Half.
1042
01:03:19,980 --> 01:03:21,004
49%.
1043
01:03:21,081 --> 01:03:22,514
Half.
1044
01:03:24,184 --> 01:03:26,049
Well, what's one point?
1045
01:03:26,119 --> 01:03:28,053
We split the dough
right down the middle.
1046
01:03:28,121 --> 01:03:30,589
Any merchandise you take, I get
to look at and cherry-pick.
1047
01:03:30,657 --> 01:03:32,989
No! Money's one thing,
but you ain't gettin' the...
1048
01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:35,493
This ain't no Chinese menu,
jagoff.
1049
01:03:35,562 --> 01:03:38,122
I tell you how it's gonna be.
1050
01:03:38,198 --> 01:03:40,564
This is pricks fix.
1051
01:03:46,039 --> 01:03:47,097
Pricks fix?
1052
01:03:47,173 --> 01:03:49,107
He's a fucking moron.
1053
01:03:49,175 --> 01:03:50,073
Oh, really?
1054
01:03:50,143 --> 01:03:51,940
Is that how you got
the upper hand?
1055
01:03:52,012 --> 01:03:52,910
Fuck you.
1056
01:03:52,979 --> 01:03:53,968
Negotiating?
1057
01:03:54,047 --> 01:03:55,912
If you don't like,
next year, fuck off.
1058
01:03:55,982 --> 01:03:57,745
I can always get
another box jockey.
1059
01:03:57,817 --> 01:03:59,182
I can get another midget, too.
1060
01:03:59,252 --> 01:04:00,480
Yeah, where?
1061
01:04:00,554 --> 01:04:03,580
You see us hanging off of trees
like fucking crab apples?
1062
01:04:03,657 --> 01:04:06,091
Even if we did, you'd never
front your own racket.
1063
01:04:06,159 --> 01:04:08,491
You know why, Willie?
You got no discipline.
1064
01:04:08,562 --> 01:04:11,895
You got zero fuckin' initiative.
You'd fall apart without me.
1065
01:04:11,965 --> 01:04:13,592
You're too pathetic for words.
1066
01:04:13,667 --> 01:04:16,431
You're a fucking loser,
and you fucking know it.
1067
01:04:24,177 --> 01:04:26,737
To go glidin'
in a one-horse sleigh
1068
01:04:26,813 --> 01:04:29,873
Giddyup, jingle horse,
pick up your feet
1069
01:04:29,950 --> 01:04:33,317
Jingle around the clock
1070
01:04:33,386 --> 01:04:37,015
Mix and mingle
in the jinglin' beat
1071
01:04:37,090 --> 01:04:38,921
That's the jingle bell rock
1072
01:04:38,992 --> 01:04:42,826
Santa'll be here real soon,
kids. Real soon.
1073
01:04:42,896 --> 01:04:46,229
Jingle bells chime
in jingle bell time
1074
01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:48,096
There he is.
Look.
1075
01:04:48,168 --> 01:04:50,466
In jingle bell square
1076
01:04:50,537 --> 01:04:53,062
Oh, no.
1077
01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:56,540
What a bright time,
it's the right time
1078
01:04:56,610 --> 01:04:59,204
To rock the night away
1079
01:04:59,279 --> 01:05:01,679
Oh, my God!
1080
01:05:01,748 --> 01:05:03,716
Is a swell time
1081
01:05:03,783 --> 01:05:06,877
To go glidin'
in a one-horse sleigh
1082
01:05:06,953 --> 01:05:10,116
Giddyup, jingle horse,
pick up your feet
1083
01:05:10,190 --> 01:05:13,318
Jingle around the clock
1084
01:05:13,393 --> 01:05:17,193
Mix and mingle
in the jinglin' beat...
1085
01:05:30,377 --> 01:05:32,368
Sweet Jews for Jesus.
1086
01:05:32,445 --> 01:05:34,470
I pissed myself.
1087
01:05:34,547 --> 01:05:36,242
What the fuck
do you think you doing?
1088
01:05:36,316 --> 01:05:38,147
You son of a bitch!
1089
01:05:38,218 --> 01:05:39,378
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
1090
01:05:39,452 --> 01:05:40,817
Hey, come on, come on.
1091
01:05:40,887 --> 01:05:42,514
Look, hey!
Come on, come on!
1092
01:05:42,589 --> 01:05:44,523
Look here.
Get him out of here.
1093
01:05:44,591 --> 01:05:46,218
I'll smooth things over
with Chipeska.
1094
01:05:46,292 --> 01:05:49,056
- Tell him food poisoning.
- "Get him out of here"?
1095
01:05:49,129 --> 01:05:50,460
Take him to the car.
1096
01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:53,522
In case you hadn't noticed,
I'm a motherfuckin' dwarf.
1097
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,591
So unless you got
a forklift handy,
1098
01:05:55,669 --> 01:05:57,603
maybe you should
lend a hand, hmm?
1099
01:05:57,671 --> 01:05:59,730
That figures. You want
all kind of set-asides.
1100
01:05:59,806 --> 01:06:01,671
Special treatment
'cause you're handicapped.
1101
01:06:01,741 --> 01:06:02,639
You all the same.
1102
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:03,801
Special treatment?
1103
01:06:03,877 --> 01:06:06,209
I'm 3-foot-fucking-tall,
you asshole!
1104
01:06:06,279 --> 01:06:07,871
It's a matter of physics.
1105
01:06:07,947 --> 01:06:10,415
Draw me a sketch of how
I get him to the car, huh?
1106
01:06:10,483 --> 01:06:12,246
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
1107
01:06:12,318 --> 01:06:13,945
Sketch it up, you moron.
1108
01:06:14,020 --> 01:06:16,580
Fucking Leonardo da Vinci.
1109
01:06:17,857 --> 01:06:19,324
What you call me, thigh high?
1110
01:06:19,392 --> 01:06:21,053
I called you
a fucking guinea homo
1111
01:06:21,127 --> 01:06:23,459
from the 15th-fucking-century,
you dickhead!
1112
01:06:23,530 --> 01:06:25,623
I could stick you up my ass,
small fry.
1113
01:06:25,699 --> 01:06:28,361
Yeah? You sure it ain't
too sore from last night?
1114
01:06:28,435 --> 01:06:30,266
You got some lip on you, midget.
1115
01:06:30,336 --> 01:06:33,169
Well, these lips were on
your wife's pussy last night.
1116
01:06:33,239 --> 01:06:36,003
Why don't you dust that
thing off once in a while?
1117
01:06:36,076 --> 01:06:37,634
Asshole.
1118
01:06:42,115 --> 01:06:43,412
I pissed my pants.
1119
01:06:43,483 --> 01:06:44,814
Oh, shut up.
1120
01:07:09,609 --> 01:07:11,509
Santa.
1121
01:07:21,187 --> 01:07:22,814
Santa?
1122
01:07:24,190 --> 01:07:25,589
What?
1123
01:07:26,893 --> 01:07:28,690
What are you doing?
1124
01:07:30,063 --> 01:07:31,530
Nothing.
1125
01:07:32,565 --> 01:07:34,533
You going to work today?
1126
01:07:37,904 --> 01:07:39,769
Not really.
1127
01:07:39,839 --> 01:07:42,569
You just gonna sit there?
1128
01:07:44,711 --> 01:07:45,643
Yeah.
1129
01:07:45,712 --> 01:07:48,408
Just let me alone, okay?
1130
01:07:51,885 --> 01:07:53,853
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey, kid?
1131
01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:55,387
Yeah?
1132
01:07:59,425 --> 01:08:01,290
I want you to take this letter.
1133
01:08:01,361 --> 01:08:05,491
When the paramedics come
to bag Santa up,
1134
01:08:05,565 --> 01:08:07,590
there's gonna be
some cops there.
1135
01:08:07,667 --> 01:08:10,864
I want you to make sure that
those cops get that envelope.
1136
01:08:10,937 --> 01:08:12,802
What is it?
1137
01:08:12,872 --> 01:08:15,864
It just tells
all the bad things that...
1138
01:08:18,278 --> 01:08:20,769
What the fuck happened
to your eye?
1139
01:08:21,981 --> 01:08:23,414
Fucking little prick!
1140
01:08:26,252 --> 01:08:29,016
So you like to give little kids
black eyes, huh?
1141
01:08:31,524 --> 01:08:33,651
How 'bout you, huh?!
You want some?!
1142
01:08:33,726 --> 01:08:36,320
Anybody else?
Anybody else? Come on!
1143
01:08:36,396 --> 01:08:38,125
Yeah, there you go.
1144
01:08:56,082 --> 01:08:58,710
You know, I think
I've turned a corner.
1145
01:08:59,452 --> 01:09:02,888
Yeah?
You fucking petites now?
1146
01:09:02,956 --> 01:09:05,322
No. I'm not talking about that.
1147
01:09:07,427 --> 01:09:10,988
I beat the shit
out of some kids today.
1148
01:09:11,064 --> 01:09:13,328
But it was for a purpose.
1149
01:09:15,702 --> 01:09:18,296
It made me feel good
about myself.
1150
01:09:19,939 --> 01:09:22,499
It was like I did something
constructive with my life.
1151
01:09:22,575 --> 01:09:24,338
I don't know.
1152
01:09:24,410 --> 01:09:26,742
Like I accomplished something.
1153
01:09:30,116 --> 01:09:32,983
You need many years of therapy.
1154
01:09:33,052 --> 01:09:37,113
Many, many, many
fuckin' years of therapy.
1155
01:09:37,891 --> 01:09:40,451
Okay. You don't drink,
which is smart on your part.
1156
01:09:40,526 --> 01:09:42,619
But being sober can put you
at a disadvantage
1157
01:09:42,695 --> 01:09:44,162
when it comes to violence.
1158
01:09:44,230 --> 01:09:46,391
I can't box worth a shit, see.
1159
01:09:46,466 --> 01:09:50,300
But I'm good in a fight
because I can't feel anything.
1160
01:09:50,370 --> 01:09:52,895
You, you're gonna feel
everything.
1161
01:09:54,173 --> 01:09:55,640
Okay.
1162
01:09:55,708 --> 01:09:59,405
Now put your dukes up.
Let me see what you got.
1163
01:09:59,479 --> 01:10:00,503
This is bullshit!
1164
01:10:00,580 --> 01:10:03,913
Give me one good reason why I
should even consider doing this.
1165
01:10:03,983 --> 01:10:06,508
'Cause I let 2,000 kids
spit in my face for your ass.
1166
01:10:06,586 --> 01:10:07,644
That's why.
1167
01:10:07,720 --> 01:10:09,483
Now, I'm asking you
for this one thing.
1168
01:10:09,555 --> 01:10:11,250
Come on, look at the kid.
1169
01:10:12,692 --> 01:10:13,954
He is pathetic.
1170
01:10:14,027 --> 01:10:15,619
Yeah, he's just a little...
1171
01:10:15,695 --> 01:10:17,856
He's a fucking retard.
1172
01:10:19,065 --> 01:10:21,192
Yeah, let's show him
a couple of things
1173
01:10:21,267 --> 01:10:22,598
so he can defend himself, then.
1174
01:10:22,669 --> 01:10:24,296
Unless you're scared.
1175
01:10:25,738 --> 01:10:27,535
All right,
here's what's gonna happen.
1176
01:10:27,607 --> 01:10:29,006
Marcus is a bully, right?
1177
01:10:29,075 --> 01:10:31,043
He's gonna pull your underwear
up out of your pants.
1178
01:10:31,110 --> 01:10:32,338
Now, what do you do?
1179
01:10:32,412 --> 01:10:33,470
I don't know.
1180
01:10:33,546 --> 01:10:34,808
God damn it!
You don't know?
1181
01:10:34,881 --> 01:10:38,214
If somebody wants to pull your
underwear up out of your pants,
1182
01:10:38,284 --> 01:10:39,478
you have to get mad.
1183
01:10:39,552 --> 01:10:41,679
Yeah, kid, come on.
Get mad.
1184
01:10:41,754 --> 01:10:43,153
Scream at him.
1185
01:10:45,391 --> 01:10:46,380
Jesus fucking Christ.
1186
01:10:46,459 --> 01:10:48,791
Listen at him.
He's a fucking faggot.
1187
01:10:49,696 --> 01:10:51,129
Loud! Scream!
1188
01:10:51,197 --> 01:10:53,131
Be loud! Be mean!
1189
01:10:53,199 --> 01:10:54,393
Piss him off!
Come on!
1190
01:10:54,467 --> 01:10:55,695
Aah!
1191
01:11:01,107 --> 01:11:04,235
You don't
hit people in the balls,
1192
01:11:04,310 --> 01:11:05,470
you asshole!
1193
01:11:05,545 --> 01:11:07,513
Aah!
1194
01:11:07,580 --> 01:11:09,912
What the fuck's wrong with you?
He's just a kid.
1195
01:11:09,983 --> 01:11:11,883
- Fuck you, Willie!
- Ow!
1196
01:11:12,618 --> 01:11:14,381
God damn it.
1197
01:11:14,454 --> 01:11:16,115
I told you
I didn't want to do this!
1198
01:11:16,189 --> 01:11:18,157
Making me...
Ohh!
1199
01:11:19,692 --> 01:11:21,592
Oh, shit.
1200
01:11:24,097 --> 01:11:27,464
Kid, maybe you shouldn't spend
so much time around me.
1201
01:11:28,835 --> 01:11:30,996
You sneaky little prick.
1202
01:11:32,205 --> 01:11:34,673
Fuck you!
Little bastard!
1203
01:11:34,741 --> 01:11:36,072
Get off me!
1204
01:11:43,316 --> 01:11:46,581
Shut up. That's not even
what you said.
1205
01:11:46,652 --> 01:11:48,415
Oh, God damn it,
I forgot about that.
1206
01:11:48,488 --> 01:11:51,116
We got a fucking nursing home
around here.
1207
01:11:51,190 --> 01:11:53,317
Well, we can go in another room.
1208
01:11:58,331 --> 01:12:00,765
She does look kind of still,
doesn't she?
1209
01:12:03,703 --> 01:12:05,227
Hey, Granny?
1210
01:12:08,174 --> 01:12:09,937
Hey, Granny.
1211
01:12:15,715 --> 01:12:17,979
Hey, there, Granny?
1212
01:12:18,051 --> 01:12:19,746
Oh, Granny.
1213
01:12:22,021 --> 01:12:22,988
Oh, my God.
1214
01:12:23,056 --> 01:12:24,580
What the fuck?
1215
01:12:27,093 --> 01:12:28,287
Oh, shit.
1216
01:12:31,831 --> 01:12:33,059
- Roger!
- God!
1217
01:12:33,132 --> 01:12:35,726
- God damn it! Shit!
- You're home.
1218
01:12:35,802 --> 01:12:39,397
- Please just tap me.
- Let me fix some sandwiches.
1219
01:13:14,974 --> 01:13:16,168
Hello, little boy.
1220
01:13:16,242 --> 01:13:17,800
Hello.
Santa...
1221
01:13:17,877 --> 01:13:20,607
I know that Christmas Eve
is in a couple days,
1222
01:13:20,680 --> 01:13:22,238
and you have to fly around
the world
1223
01:13:22,315 --> 01:13:26,479
and give presents to everyone,
and you won't be around anymore.
1224
01:13:26,552 --> 01:13:27,484
Yeah?
1225
01:13:27,553 --> 01:13:30,078
So I thought I'd give you
your present now.
1226
01:13:36,963 --> 01:13:38,055
What the fuck is it?
1227
01:13:38,131 --> 01:13:39,996
It's a wooden pickle.
1228
01:13:41,534 --> 01:13:44,059
- Why'd you paint it brown?
- It's not paint.
1229
01:13:44,137 --> 01:13:47,538
It's blood from when I cut
my hand making it for you.
1230
01:13:49,142 --> 01:13:50,370
Oh.
1231
01:13:50,443 --> 01:13:52,775
Well, shit, kid, I don't know.
1232
01:13:52,845 --> 01:13:54,506
I...
1233
01:13:55,982 --> 01:13:58,041
Thanks.
1234
01:13:58,117 --> 01:13:59,982
You're welcome.
1235
01:14:00,052 --> 01:14:01,485
Good night, Santa.
1236
01:14:03,222 --> 01:14:06,385
Good night, Mrs. Santa's sister.
1237
01:14:07,160 --> 01:14:09,025
Good night, sweetie.
1238
01:14:11,497 --> 01:14:13,431
Oh, my God.
1239
01:14:13,499 --> 01:14:14,932
That was so sweet.
1240
01:14:15,001 --> 01:14:17,970
He's a really sweet kid,
isn't he?
1241
01:14:18,037 --> 01:14:20,198
Yeah, I guess so.
1242
01:14:23,009 --> 01:14:24,943
Come on, baby.
1243
01:14:25,678 --> 01:14:27,236
Come here.
1244
01:14:28,614 --> 01:14:30,104
What?
1245
01:14:30,183 --> 01:14:32,378
Oh, nothing.
I'm all right.
1246
01:14:36,222 --> 01:14:38,281
Just a little tired.
1247
01:14:38,357 --> 01:14:40,188
Oh.
1248
01:14:50,069 --> 01:14:51,263
Santa!
1249
01:14:51,337 --> 01:14:53,532
God damn it!
Whoa! Shit!
1250
01:14:53,606 --> 01:14:55,836
Want to see my report card?
1251
01:14:55,908 --> 01:14:57,739
You scared the holy shit
out of me.
1252
01:14:57,810 --> 01:14:59,072
Think I did good?
1253
01:14:59,145 --> 01:15:02,205
How would I know? I haven't seen
the fuckin' thing yet.
1254
01:15:07,186 --> 01:15:08,653
Who the fuck is Thurman?
1255
01:15:08,721 --> 01:15:11,383
- Is your name Thurman?
- Yeah.
1256
01:15:13,259 --> 01:15:14,624
Thurman Merman?
1257
01:15:14,694 --> 01:15:16,252
Yeah.
1258
01:15:17,897 --> 01:15:19,455
Jesus.
1259
01:15:19,532 --> 01:15:21,295
So, you think I did good?
1260
01:15:24,003 --> 01:15:27,439
What do you care
what I think, anyway?
1261
01:15:27,506 --> 01:15:29,633
Hell, I guess you did better
than I did.
1262
01:15:29,709 --> 01:15:32,075
I never got any B's.
1263
01:15:32,144 --> 01:15:34,669
I thought maybe at least
since I did good in school,
1264
01:15:34,747 --> 01:15:36,305
maybe you'd bring me a present.
1265
01:15:36,382 --> 01:15:38,247
'Cause last year
and the year before that,
1266
01:15:38,317 --> 01:15:40,444
you didn't bring me
any presents.
1267
01:15:43,522 --> 01:15:45,854
Even though I'm a dipshit loser.
1268
01:15:50,096 --> 01:15:52,257
Jesus fucking Christ, kid!
1269
01:15:52,331 --> 01:15:55,391
Why do you talk about
yourself that way?!
1270
01:15:55,468 --> 01:15:58,631
Let me give you some news.
I'm not Santa Claus, all right?
1271
01:15:58,704 --> 01:16:01,195
Take a look at me.
Do I look like Santa Claus?
1272
01:16:01,274 --> 01:16:03,742
As a matter of fact,
I'm living fucking proof
1273
01:16:03,809 --> 01:16:06,039
that there's not a Santa Claus.
1274
01:16:06,779 --> 01:16:08,940
I know there's no Santa.
1275
01:16:09,015 --> 01:16:11,449
I just thought maybe you'd
want to give me a present
1276
01:16:11,517 --> 01:16:13,212
'cause we're friends.
1277
01:16:38,110 --> 01:16:39,372
There he is.
1278
01:16:39,445 --> 01:16:43,245
That lousy, leather-faced,
frog-eyed, motherfucker.
1279
01:16:43,316 --> 01:16:45,614
- Good night, Gin.
- Good night.
1280
01:17:17,717 --> 01:17:19,742
Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph.
1281
01:17:19,819 --> 01:17:21,116
What is the problem now?
1282
01:17:21,187 --> 01:17:22,882
I'm sorry.
The van stalled.
1283
01:17:24,090 --> 01:17:26,251
Will you give us a jump, please?
1284
01:17:26,325 --> 01:17:28,225
I'll be dipped in dog shit.
1285
01:17:28,294 --> 01:17:30,353
Do I look like
an auto mechanic to you?
1286
01:17:37,636 --> 01:17:39,604
I appreciate it.
1287
01:17:42,208 --> 01:17:44,836
All right, small fry,
help yourself.
1288
01:17:49,448 --> 01:17:50,540
I can't reach it.
1289
01:17:50,616 --> 01:17:52,277
Jesus Christ, give me that.
1290
01:17:52,351 --> 01:17:53,545
Thanks.
1291
01:17:55,955 --> 01:17:56,922
All right, hit it.
1292
01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:30,746
Oh, my.
What a terrible accident.
1293
01:18:30,823 --> 01:18:31,949
Mm-mm-mmm.
1294
01:18:32,024 --> 01:18:33,389
- Is he dead?
- No.
1295
01:18:33,459 --> 01:18:35,825
But it looks like
you broke most of his ribs.
1296
01:18:35,895 --> 01:18:40,525
I'd say maybe 50% of them,
or do you think 30%?
1297
01:18:40,599 --> 01:18:42,328
I needed more
of a running start.
1298
01:18:42,401 --> 01:18:44,665
I couldn't build up
enough speed.
1299
01:19:00,719 --> 01:19:02,949
Merry Christmas Eve.
1300
01:19:03,823 --> 01:19:06,519
Got you a little something.
1301
01:19:06,592 --> 01:19:08,457
You shouldn't have.
1302
01:19:08,527 --> 01:19:10,825
You should put that stuff
in the kitchen.
1303
01:19:13,599 --> 01:19:15,897
God damn, you look good.
1304
01:19:20,539 --> 01:19:23,235
Here you go.
1305
01:19:24,643 --> 01:19:28,135
Little behind there, sweetie?
1306
01:19:28,214 --> 01:19:30,512
We don't need any more
of this shit.
1307
01:19:30,583 --> 01:19:34,610
"Christmas keeps us connected
to each other in peace.
1308
01:19:34,687 --> 01:19:38,384
The angel is going to tell
everyone in the world."
1309
01:19:42,962 --> 01:19:44,190
Aspirin?
1310
01:19:44,263 --> 01:19:46,493
As in olden days
1311
01:19:46,565 --> 01:19:52,299
Happy golden days of yore
1312
01:19:52,371 --> 01:19:56,501
Faithful friends
who are dear to us
1313
01:19:56,575 --> 01:20:02,605
Gather near to us once more
1314
01:20:02,681 --> 01:20:07,914
Through the years,
we all will be together
1315
01:20:07,987 --> 01:20:12,447
If the fates allow
1316
01:20:12,525 --> 01:20:21,365
Until then, we'll have to
muddle through somehow
1317
01:20:21,433 --> 01:20:29,772
So have yourself
a merry little Christmas now
1318
01:20:32,578 --> 01:20:38,210
Through the years,
we all will be together
1319
01:20:38,284 --> 01:20:42,584
If the fates allow
1320
01:20:42,655 --> 01:20:51,085
Hang a shining star
upon the highest bough
1321
01:20:51,163 --> 01:20:54,724
And have yourself
1322
01:20:54,800 --> 01:21:02,639
A merry little Christmas
1323
01:21:02,708 --> 01:21:07,111
Now
1324
01:21:11,250 --> 01:21:12,649
Shit!
1325
01:21:12,718 --> 01:21:14,345
Jesus.
1326
01:21:16,889 --> 01:21:17,947
Santa?
1327
01:21:19,992 --> 01:21:22,688
- What?
- I was gonna make sandwiches.
1328
01:21:22,761 --> 01:21:25,389
I could make you one
before you leave.
1329
01:21:27,766 --> 01:21:29,700
Listen, kid, I don't know.
1330
01:21:29,768 --> 01:21:32,862
I got shit to do and everything.
1331
01:21:37,810 --> 01:21:39,937
Okay, make me some sandwiches.
1332
01:21:40,012 --> 01:21:42,139
I gotta go to the mall
and talk to somebody.
1333
01:21:42,214 --> 01:21:43,272
I'll be back.
1334
01:21:43,349 --> 01:21:44,145
For dinner?
1335
01:21:44,216 --> 01:21:46,047
Yeah, that's what I said.
Yeah.
1336
01:21:46,118 --> 01:21:48,211
How many sandwiches do you want?
1337
01:21:49,121 --> 01:21:51,316
Uh, a bunch.
1338
01:21:51,390 --> 01:21:53,449
How much lettuce do you want?
1339
01:21:56,095 --> 01:21:57,892
I don't know.
The usual amount.
1340
01:21:57,963 --> 01:22:00,056
Whatever the hell people do.
Whatever you think.
1341
01:22:00,132 --> 01:22:01,463
Okay.
1342
01:22:19,852 --> 01:22:20,648
Have a very merry Christmas.
1343
01:22:20,686 --> 01:22:22,415
- Merry Christmas.
- Good night.
1344
01:22:22,488 --> 01:22:23,819
Merry Christmas.
1345
01:22:23,889 --> 01:22:25,015
Good night.
1346
01:22:25,090 --> 01:22:26,682
- Good night.
- Okay! Happy holiday!
1347
01:22:26,759 --> 01:22:28,226
Attention, shoppers.
1348
01:22:28,293 --> 01:22:30,625
The store will be closing
in five minutes.
1349
01:22:30,696 --> 01:22:32,425
We wish you all
a merry Christmas,
1350
01:22:32,498 --> 01:22:35,729
a happy Hanukkah,
and a joyous Kwanzaa.
1351
01:22:51,450 --> 01:22:54,385
All right, hold it steady.
1352
01:22:57,990 --> 01:23:00,959
Oh, yeah, shit, let's do it.
1353
01:23:01,960 --> 01:23:03,325
Oh, Christ.
1354
01:23:08,467 --> 01:23:09,456
Merry Christmas.
1355
01:23:11,003 --> 01:23:12,402
Good night.
1356
01:23:13,672 --> 01:23:15,731
Merry Christmas, Willie.
1357
01:23:15,808 --> 01:23:17,435
Up your ass.
1358
01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:45,998
Aaaah!
1359
01:23:48,974 --> 01:23:50,373
Whoa!
1360
01:24:16,802 --> 01:24:18,235
Oh, shit.
1361
01:24:19,505 --> 01:24:20,563
What?
1362
01:24:24,676 --> 01:24:25,973
What?
1363
01:24:26,044 --> 01:24:28,137
It's a Kitnerboy Redoubt.
1364
01:24:28,213 --> 01:24:28,907
So?
1365
01:24:28,981 --> 01:24:30,209
Remember Andy Pitz?
1366
01:24:30,282 --> 01:24:31,579
Andy Pitzorella?
Yeah.
1367
01:24:31,650 --> 01:24:32,810
No, Andy Ripitski.
1368
01:24:32,885 --> 01:24:34,750
Andy Pitzorella
was Andy Blue Balls.
1369
01:24:34,820 --> 01:24:37,050
Since he got married,
they call him Andy Pitzorella.
1370
01:24:37,122 --> 01:24:38,885
What's your fucking point?!
1371
01:24:38,957 --> 01:24:40,652
They say he can get
into anything.
1372
01:24:40,726 --> 01:24:42,660
Anything.
1373
01:24:42,728 --> 01:24:45,026
They say he's been
in Margaret Thatcher's pussy.
1374
01:24:45,097 --> 01:24:46,462
And that's a good thing?
1375
01:24:46,532 --> 01:24:48,193
So what the fuck
are you getting at?
1376
01:24:48,267 --> 01:24:49,757
When I was
in the joint with him,
1377
01:24:49,835 --> 01:24:53,498
he told me that the Kitnerboy
Redoubt can't be cracked.
1378
01:24:53,572 --> 01:24:56,405
Are you shittin' me?
1379
01:24:56,475 --> 01:24:58,966
Are you telling me
that after I propped you up,
1380
01:24:59,044 --> 01:25:01,740
held you together,
smiled for all those kids,
1381
01:25:01,814 --> 01:25:04,009
danced for all those
fucking housewives
1382
01:25:04,082 --> 01:25:07,313
in a fucking lime-green,
fucking velvet elf costume,
1383
01:25:07,386 --> 01:25:09,513
that you cannot
get in this fucking safe?!
1384
01:25:09,588 --> 01:25:12,284
Is that what you're
telling me?! Huh?!
1385
01:25:12,357 --> 01:25:16,123
No, I'm just saying
it's gonna take a minute.
1386
01:25:39,518 --> 01:25:41,110
Fuck.
1387
01:25:51,430 --> 01:25:52,454
Shit.
1388
01:25:52,531 --> 01:25:54,226
34C.
1389
01:26:38,844 --> 01:26:40,004
Fuck!
1390
01:27:13,045 --> 01:27:14,706
Piece of cake.
1391
01:27:16,381 --> 01:27:19,111
I gotta get one more thing.
I'll be right back.
1392
01:27:42,341 --> 01:27:44,673
Oh, shit.
Which one did he say?
1393
01:28:03,295 --> 01:28:06,093
I'll bet the store dick
don't want this.
1394
01:28:06,164 --> 01:28:08,530
Store dick don't want shit.
1395
01:28:11,036 --> 01:28:13,004
What do you mean?
1396
01:28:13,071 --> 01:28:14,936
Store dick's dead.
1397
01:28:15,007 --> 01:28:17,475
Store dick don't want shit.
1398
01:28:18,810 --> 01:28:20,641
He's dead, huh?
1399
01:28:23,081 --> 01:28:25,345
I didn't even know he was sick.
1400
01:28:25,417 --> 01:28:26,941
Willie...
1401
01:28:27,019 --> 01:28:29,487
this has been
a long time coming.
1402
01:28:29,554 --> 01:28:33,490
Every year, you're worse.
Every year, less reliable.
1403
01:28:33,558 --> 01:28:35,958
More booze.
More bullshit.
1404
01:28:36,028 --> 01:28:37,495
More buttfucking.
1405
01:28:37,562 --> 01:28:40,895
Sure, the three B's.
1406
01:28:40,966 --> 01:28:43,560
You gotta be able to rely,
Willie.
1407
01:28:46,238 --> 01:28:48,729
You people are monsters.
1408
01:28:48,807 --> 01:28:51,139
There's no joy in this for me.
1409
01:28:54,646 --> 01:28:56,841
I'm not talking about
you taking me out.
1410
01:28:56,915 --> 01:28:58,815
That part, I get.
1411
01:29:02,454 --> 01:29:04,285
But look at all that shit.
1412
01:29:06,658 --> 01:29:09,627
Do you really need
all that shit?
1413
01:29:11,296 --> 01:29:13,423
For Christ sakes,
it's Christmas.
1414
01:29:13,498 --> 01:29:15,159
It is Christmas, Willie.
1415
01:29:15,233 --> 01:29:16,791
But this is what we do.
1416
01:29:16,868 --> 01:29:19,098
We get the shit.
1417
01:29:19,171 --> 01:29:22,299
Christmastime, we get the shit.
1418
01:29:22,374 --> 01:29:25,537
Because we are men and Lois.
1419
01:29:28,080 --> 01:29:29,707
It is Christmas, Willie.
1420
01:29:29,781 --> 01:29:31,840
And we are men and Lois.
1421
01:29:33,351 --> 01:29:35,182
What you waiting for, honey?
1422
01:29:35,253 --> 01:29:38,222
Come on, plug him.
1423
01:29:42,127 --> 01:29:44,027
Goodbye, Willie.
1424
01:29:46,364 --> 01:29:47,888
- Drop the gun.
- Huh?!
1425
01:29:49,201 --> 01:29:51,226
And you, Santa,
drop the elephant.
1426
01:29:51,303 --> 01:29:53,203
- Where did you come from?
- Tipped off.
1427
01:29:53,271 --> 01:29:54,966
Shit, that fucking kid.
1428
01:29:55,040 --> 01:29:57,838
All three of you are in so much
shit, it's almost unbelievable.
1429
01:29:59,277 --> 01:30:01,142
Marcus, hop on!
1430
01:30:21,366 --> 01:30:23,459
Fuck me.
1431
01:30:57,702 --> 01:30:58,862
Hey, hey!
1432
01:31:20,058 --> 01:31:23,516
This is Christmas, and the kid's
getting his fucking present.
1433
01:31:47,419 --> 01:31:50,115
Halt, police!
Put your hands up!
1434
01:31:50,188 --> 01:31:52,782
I said freeze!
Freeze!
1435
01:31:59,364 --> 01:32:03,164
- Aaaah!
- Aaaah!
1436
01:32:46,444 --> 01:32:48,378
"Dear kid...
1437
01:32:48,446 --> 01:32:50,175
I hope that you got my present
1438
01:32:50,248 --> 01:32:52,546
and that there wasn't
too much blood on it,
1439
01:32:52,617 --> 01:32:55,017
although there was blood
on the present you gave me,
1440
01:32:55,086 --> 01:32:56,849
which didn't keep me
from enjoying it.
1441
01:32:56,921 --> 01:32:59,981
So maybe the blood doesn't
matter so much, I guess. "
1442
01:33:02,227 --> 01:33:05,321
"Anyway, just in case
they took it as evidence,
1443
01:33:05,397 --> 01:33:07,729
I'm also sending you a T-shirt.
1444
01:33:07,799 --> 01:33:10,290
I hope it's the right size. "
1445
01:33:10,935 --> 01:33:12,334
"I'm healing up good,
1446
01:33:12,404 --> 01:33:15,168
and they tell me
that I will soon be 100%,
1447
01:33:15,240 --> 01:33:17,105
even with 8 bullets
dug out of me,
1448
01:33:17,175 --> 01:33:19,200
because they didn't hit
any vital organs,
1449
01:33:19,277 --> 01:33:21,939
just my liver,
which is fucked anyway.
1450
01:33:22,013 --> 01:33:23,674
Ha ha ha.
1451
01:33:23,748 --> 01:33:25,943
Thank you for giving
that letter to the cops.
1452
01:33:26,017 --> 01:33:28,781
I forgot I asked you to do it,
but it's a good thing you did
1453
01:33:28,853 --> 01:33:31,287
or Santa's little helper
would've plugged his ass.
1454
01:33:31,356 --> 01:33:32,653
Now the cops know I wrote it,
1455
01:33:32,724 --> 01:33:34,692
which is gonna keep my ass
out of jail.
1456
01:33:34,759 --> 01:33:36,249
That, plus everyone agreeing
1457
01:33:36,328 --> 01:33:38,853
that the Phoenix police
shooting an unarmed Santa
1458
01:33:38,930 --> 01:33:41,490
was even more fucked up
than Rodney King. "
1459
01:33:42,500 --> 01:33:44,798
"The cops are treating me
like fucking royalty now,
1460
01:33:44,869 --> 01:33:46,427
which is new in my experience.
1461
01:33:46,504 --> 01:33:48,495
They're gonna make me
a sensitivity counselor
1462
01:33:48,573 --> 01:33:49,938
so that tragedies like this
1463
01:33:50,008 --> 01:33:52,875
will never again embarrass
the whole fucking department.
1464
01:33:52,944 --> 01:33:55,970
I told the cops you had no one
to take the fuck care of you,
1465
01:33:56,047 --> 01:33:58,242
so they set it up
with Mrs. Santa's sister
1466
01:33:58,316 --> 01:33:59,806
watching you
till your dad gets back
1467
01:33:59,884 --> 01:34:01,317
in one year and three months.
1468
01:34:01,386 --> 01:34:04,321
They made her a guardian
pro tem or some such shit.
1469
01:34:04,389 --> 01:34:07,620
Anyway, she seems to like you
and your house and Jacuzzi.
1470
01:34:07,692 --> 01:34:08,920
I sent her some money,
1471
01:34:08,993 --> 01:34:10,392
so if you play
your cards right,
1472
01:34:10,462 --> 01:34:13,625
you can probably get her
to buy you something.
1473
01:34:13,698 --> 01:34:16,132
As for my little helper,
I'm sorry to have to tell you
1474
01:34:16,201 --> 01:34:18,396
that him and his
prune-faced, mail-order wife
1475
01:34:18,470 --> 01:34:20,734
are gonna be exploring
mountains with your dad.
1476
01:34:20,805 --> 01:34:23,103
I hope your dad doesn't go
sucking shit from them
1477
01:34:23,174 --> 01:34:24,402
like I did.
1478
01:34:24,476 --> 01:34:27,240
They're supposed to let me
out of this hospital room soon,
1479
01:34:27,312 --> 01:34:29,405
so get some sandwiches ready.
1480
01:34:29,481 --> 01:34:32,575
Until then, don't take
no shit from nobody,
1481
01:34:32,650 --> 01:34:34,242
least of all yourself.
1482
01:34:34,319 --> 01:34:36,378
Ho ho ho.
1483
01:34:36,454 --> 01:34:39,218
Your pal, Santa. "
1484
01:34:42,193 --> 01:34:43,319
Hey, loser.
1485
01:34:44,996 --> 01:34:48,363
I hear your buddy's not here
to protect you anymore.
1486
01:34:50,034 --> 01:34:52,264
See you got me a new bike.
1487
01:34:52,337 --> 01:34:54,100
Thanks a lot.
1488
01:34:54,773 --> 01:34:56,502
I'm talking to you, fat-ass!
1489
01:34:56,574 --> 01:34:58,303
Aaah!
1490
01:37:14,946 --> 01:37:17,540
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1491
01:37:17,615 --> 01:37:19,913
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1492
01:37:19,984 --> 01:37:24,250
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1493
01:37:24,322 --> 01:37:26,882
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1494
01:37:26,958 --> 01:37:29,256
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1495
01:37:29,327 --> 01:37:33,889
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1496
01:37:33,965 --> 01:37:36,263
Making my friends
out of snow
1497
01:37:36,334 --> 01:37:38,700
It's Christmas,
and I'm all alone
1498
01:37:38,770 --> 01:37:40,829
But it won't bring me down
1499
01:37:40,905 --> 01:37:45,501
'Cause Christmas cheer
is all around
1500
01:37:45,577 --> 01:37:48,137
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1501
01:37:48,212 --> 01:37:50,407
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1502
01:37:50,481 --> 01:37:54,941
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1503
01:37:55,019 --> 01:37:57,510
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1504
01:37:57,589 --> 01:37:59,819
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1505
01:37:59,891 --> 01:38:04,385
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1506
01:38:04,462 --> 01:38:09,161
Santa Claus is flying high
across the frosty winter sky
1507
01:38:09,233 --> 01:38:11,497
I'm gonna find him
and my toys
1508
01:38:11,569 --> 01:38:15,938
He's in a band
that just makes noise
1509
01:38:16,007 --> 01:38:18,567
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1510
01:38:18,643 --> 01:38:20,907
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1511
01:38:20,979 --> 01:38:25,348
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1512
01:38:25,416 --> 01:38:28,010
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1513
01:38:28,086 --> 01:38:30,247
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1514
01:38:30,321 --> 01:38:34,348
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1515
01:38:43,835 --> 01:38:45,063
Christmas
1516
01:38:45,136 --> 01:38:47,161
The snow's coming down
1517
01:38:47,238 --> 01:38:48,603
Christmas
1518
01:38:48,673 --> 01:38:50,664
I'm watching it fall
1519
01:38:50,742 --> 01:38:51,731
Christmas
1520
01:38:51,809 --> 01:38:54,004
Watching the people around
1521
01:38:54,078 --> 01:38:55,045
Christmas
1522
01:38:55,113 --> 01:38:57,707
Baby, please come home
1523
01:38:57,782 --> 01:39:01,445
They're singing
"Deck the Halls"
1524
01:39:01,519 --> 01:39:04,613
But it's not like
Christmas at all
1525
01:39:04,689 --> 01:39:07,920
I remember
when you were here
1526
01:39:07,992 --> 01:39:11,052
And all the fun
we had last year
1527
01:39:11,129 --> 01:39:14,360
- Baby, please come home
- Christmas
1528
01:39:14,432 --> 01:39:17,731
- Ohhhhh
- Christmas
1529
01:39:17,802 --> 01:39:21,203
- Baby, please come home
- Christmas
1530
01:39:21,272 --> 01:39:24,002
- Baby
- Christmas107631
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