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- ♪
- _
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Listen up!
3
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Your usual driver's ed teacher
4
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is at the courthouse fighting
for his driver's license
5
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due to the fallout
from the holiday party.
6
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In his defense,
the greatest driver in the world
7
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couldn't have outrun the
cops in his condition.
8
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These are your learner's permits.
9
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Before you get them, I need to know
10
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who will be supervising
your behind-the-wheel hours.
11
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- Steve?
- My dad... Stan.
12
00:00:24,810 --> 00:00:26,543
Ah, yes, dads are great.
13
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Mine was an alcoholic. But the fun kind.
14
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So don't go gettin'
all sad on me, Smith.
15
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Next.
16
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Toshi, I'm skipping over you
17
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because you refuse to learn English.
18
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Barry?
19
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My father's name is Dad!
20
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Sounds like a great driver.
21
00:00:41,259 --> 00:00:42,959
And, Snot, who's teaching you?
22
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My dad's no longer with us.
23
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No problem, you got a hot mom...
I mean mom.
24
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Redundant much, Brian?
25
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[CHUCKLES] Hot mom.
26
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Your daddy's dead.
27
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You're a freeeak.
28
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♪
29
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
30
00:01:01,212 --> 00:01:05,014
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
31
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♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
32
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♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
33
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
34
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- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
35
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Aah!
36
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
37
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♪
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Aww, Schmuley,
why you got your head in a poof?
39
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Well, I was in driver's ed today,
40
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and all the other kids are
getting their dads to teach them,
41
00:01:37,381 --> 00:01:40,582
and it just reminded me
that I don't have a dad...
42
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Driver's ed?! No sir!
43
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Get driving outta your head.
44
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It is too dangerous!
45
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There's the fumes, the tires,
46
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all the people flippin' the bird!
47
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If Dad was here, he'd teach me.
48
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I knew his death would
affect my life eventually!
49
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:59,534
Thanks again for taking me driving,
Mr. Tuttle.
50
00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:01,068
And thank you for interrupting me
51
00:02:01,170 --> 00:02:03,304
from cold calling
people in the phone book
52
00:02:03,406 --> 00:02:04,806
for human interaction.
53
00:02:04,908 --> 00:02:06,941
Okay, first, you're gonna
wanna fasten your seatbelt.
54
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- [SEATBELT CLICKS]
- Check your mirrors.
55
00:02:11,113 --> 00:02:13,981
Grip the steering wheel
at 10:00 and 2:00.
56
00:02:14,083 --> 00:02:17,819
And now drive to the hospital.
I'm having a heart attack.
57
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- What?!
- To the hospital.
58
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:22,323
I know my body,
and it is attacking my heart.
59
00:02:22,425 --> 00:02:24,525
- But I don't know how...
- Just drive!
60
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:25,827
[ENGINE REVS, TIRES SCREECH]
61
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I'm going backwards!
62
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That's called reverse.
63
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If I survive, I'll teach you forwards.
64
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Whoa-a-a-a-a...
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Boom, bitch.
66
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:38,840
Don't say "boom bitch" to your father.
67
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It's my learner's permit.
68
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:41,942
Whaddya say? Will you take me driving?
69
00:02:42,043 --> 00:02:44,177
Uh, I'd love to, but something came up.
70
00:02:44,279 --> 00:02:48,482
And what came up is-z-z-z-z-z...
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...z-z-z-z-z-z-z...
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- ...a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a...
- ...z-z-z-z-z-z-z...
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[ENGINE STARTS]
74
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[TIRES SCREECH]
75
00:03:01,463 --> 00:03:03,663
Haaaayles?
76
00:03:03,765 --> 00:03:06,366
Sorry, Steve.
I'm working special detail for Sub Hub.
77
00:03:06,468 --> 00:03:09,135
Driving a truckload of
salami down to Florida.
78
00:03:09,237 --> 00:03:10,570
'Sgotta get there or some shit.
79
00:03:10,672 --> 00:03:13,673
But that's perfect.
I can drive when you get tired.
80
00:03:13,775 --> 00:03:15,542
[SIGHS] Alright, you can come.
81
00:03:15,644 --> 00:03:17,010
But no bathroom breaks.
82
00:03:17,112 --> 00:03:19,578
You'll pee in a 2007
X Games souvenir cup
83
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,346
like the rest of us.
84
00:03:23,226 --> 00:03:24,291
[TIRES SCREECH]
85
00:03:24,393 --> 00:03:26,227
[GROANS]
86
00:03:27,263 --> 00:03:28,863
It's family only beyond here.
87
00:03:28,965 --> 00:03:30,664
Is this man your father?
88
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No, he's not.
89
00:03:32,368 --> 00:03:33,534
MAN: But I am!
90
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[GASPS]
91
00:03:34,771 --> 00:03:37,038
A man... who knew your father.
92
00:03:37,140 --> 00:03:39,573
- You knew my dad?
- Dick Keebler.
93
00:03:39,675 --> 00:03:40,808
Good to meetcha, good to meetcha.
94
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:42,543
Sorry 'bout my sweaty-ass hand.
95
00:03:42,645 --> 00:03:43,711
I got hyperhidrosis.
96
00:03:43,813 --> 00:03:44,979
Feels normal to me...
97
00:03:45,081 --> 00:03:46,981
I also got hyperglycemia, hypertension,
98
00:03:47,083 --> 00:03:48,349
and I'm a hypochondriac.
99
00:03:48,451 --> 00:03:50,351
Doctor says that's the
one that's gonna get me.
100
00:03:50,453 --> 00:03:52,987
Pff. Hey, you think
I could dig up an MRI
101
00:03:53,089 --> 00:03:54,688
in this joint without talking to anyone?
102
00:03:54,791 --> 00:03:55,857
I don't think so.
103
00:03:55,959 --> 00:03:57,558
Were you gonna talk about my dad?
104
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:59,326
Pff. I was his co-pilot.
105
00:03:59,428 --> 00:04:00,694
My dad was a pilot?
106
00:04:00,796 --> 00:04:02,863
Nah. On the demolition derby circuit.
107
00:04:02,965 --> 00:04:04,732
Cars. Ever heard of 'em? Pff.
108
00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:06,233
C'mon, I'll tell you about your dad.
109
00:04:06,335 --> 00:04:08,669
Fun fact... We were blood brothers.
110
00:04:08,771 --> 00:04:10,237
I gave him hepatitis.
111
00:04:10,339 --> 00:04:12,806
His eyes were the color of mustard.
112
00:04:12,908 --> 00:04:15,041
ROGER: Lanceton Raceway Park.
113
00:04:15,144 --> 00:04:18,111
Home to the demolition derby
and the weekly swap meet.
114
00:04:18,213 --> 00:04:21,181
No matter the year,
it's always the '70s there.
115
00:04:21,284 --> 00:04:23,651
Your dad, Lonny, drove the Red Rammer.
116
00:04:23,753 --> 00:04:25,085
Damn car was unstoppable.
117
00:04:25,187 --> 00:04:26,487
Pssh. Famous too.
118
00:04:26,589 --> 00:04:28,855
It was in the movie "Mother,
Jugs & Speed."
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SNOT: I... haven't seen that.
120
00:04:30,493 --> 00:04:33,193
It was the car that ran that
bus full of nuns off the road.
121
00:04:33,296 --> 00:04:35,262
[LAUGHS] Betcha remember that scene.
122
00:04:35,364 --> 00:04:37,864
No, I... I haven't seen it...
123
00:04:37,966 --> 00:04:39,065
Good stuff, you remember.
124
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:40,701
Mr. Keebler, I'm sorry,
125
00:04:40,803 --> 00:04:42,068
but this guy you're describing
126
00:04:42,171 --> 00:04:44,270
doesn't sound like the dad I never knew.
127
00:04:44,372 --> 00:04:47,873
Pssh. The way I saw you haulin'
ass in reverse, derby style?
128
00:04:47,975 --> 00:04:49,442
You're Lonny's kid, alright.
129
00:04:49,544 --> 00:04:50,810
Pff. Derby's in your blood.
130
00:04:50,912 --> 00:04:53,946
Derby racing. In my blood.
131
00:04:54,048 --> 00:04:55,481
Surprised you don't know about him.
132
00:04:55,583 --> 00:04:57,350
Didn't he leave you the
Red Rammer when he croaked?
133
00:04:57,452 --> 00:04:59,885
All I've got of my dad's is a huge shoe
134
00:04:59,987 --> 00:05:02,355
I found in the garage
that I think was his.
135
00:05:02,457 --> 00:05:04,023
I wear it around the house sometimes
136
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:06,793
and pretend I have one really big foot.
137
00:05:06,894 --> 00:05:08,027
It's lame, I know.
138
00:05:08,129 --> 00:05:09,395
Nah, that's normal.
139
00:05:09,497 --> 00:05:11,230
I wear my dead mom's
heels around the house
140
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:13,032
and pretend I have a big ol' vagina.
141
00:05:13,134 --> 00:05:14,900
- Pff.
- Was my dad any good?
142
00:05:15,002 --> 00:05:16,068
The best.
143
00:05:16,170 --> 00:05:17,537
He was always slammin' into everybody.
144
00:05:17,639 --> 00:05:18,671
That sounds bad.
145
00:05:18,673 --> 00:05:20,105
Nah, that's how you win.
146
00:05:20,208 --> 00:05:21,907
Destroy the other cars.
147
00:05:22,009 --> 00:05:23,575
I was your dad's spotter...
148
00:05:23,677 --> 00:05:24,909
his eyes and ears out there.
149
00:05:25,011 --> 00:05:25,744
[GLASS SHATTERS]
150
00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:26,911
Car!
151
00:05:27,013 --> 00:05:28,179
[GLASS SHATTERS]
152
00:05:28,281 --> 00:05:30,349
- Car!
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
153
00:05:30,451 --> 00:05:32,484
- Car!
- [THUD]
154
00:05:32,586 --> 00:05:34,720
Holy crap! There she is!
155
00:05:34,822 --> 00:05:36,722
Can we just stay focused on my dad?
156
00:05:36,824 --> 00:05:38,523
Right, right. We never lost.
157
00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:40,291
But I lost...
158
00:05:40,394 --> 00:05:42,661
Lost control of my blood sugar...
159
00:05:42,763 --> 00:05:46,431
♪
160
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:48,099
ROGER: Your dad put his foot on the dash
161
00:05:48,201 --> 00:05:49,801
to do his signature move,
162
00:05:49,903 --> 00:05:51,703
the Skidrokyo Drift.
163
00:05:51,805 --> 00:05:52,738
[TIRES SCREECH]
164
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,239
[BANG]
165
00:05:54,341 --> 00:05:55,707
♪
166
00:05:55,809 --> 00:05:57,141
And my blood sugar was tanking.
167
00:05:57,244 --> 00:05:59,244
Did I mention I'm also diabetic?
168
00:05:59,346 --> 00:06:00,978
Seven doctors said it's all in my head.
169
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,981
Pff. I didn't even know
there was brain diabetes.
170
00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:04,948
[ENGINE REVS]
171
00:06:05,050 --> 00:06:08,352
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
172
00:06:08,454 --> 00:06:09,119
[BANG, GLASS SHATTERS]
173
00:06:09,221 --> 00:06:10,654
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
174
00:06:10,757 --> 00:06:12,289
Lonny injured his neck so bad,
175
00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:14,992
he couldn't turn his head to
the right to drive in reverse.
176
00:06:15,094 --> 00:06:16,694
- SNOT: So he had to quit.
- Nope.
177
00:06:16,796 --> 00:06:18,262
Went to England to race.
178
00:06:18,364 --> 00:06:20,531
Steering wheels are on the
other side over there. Pff.
179
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:23,200
- So that's why he left us.
- [MRI BEEPING]
180
00:06:23,302 --> 00:06:26,404
Mr. Keebler,
I'd like to know more about my dad.
181
00:06:26,506 --> 00:06:28,606
- Pff.
- Is "Pff" a bad thing?
182
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:29,807
- [WHIRS]
- It can be.
183
00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:31,074
That was a good one, though.
184
00:06:31,176 --> 00:06:32,976
I'm gonna do more than
tell you about your dad,
185
00:06:33,078 --> 00:06:34,978
I'm gonna teach you to be like him.
186
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,614
Teach you how to derby.
187
00:06:36,716 --> 00:06:38,648
This is gonna be so cool!
188
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,784
I'll bring Dad's big shoe!
189
00:06:40,886 --> 00:06:42,819
Pff. That was a bad "Pff."
190
00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:44,821
Shoe stays at home. Pff.
191
00:06:44,924 --> 00:06:46,556
That one means I'm thirsty.
192
00:06:46,658 --> 00:06:48,125
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
193
00:06:48,227 --> 00:06:49,559
- [RADIO CRACKLES]
- This is Headband Dynamite,
194
00:06:49,661 --> 00:06:52,095
I'm sittin' bumpy
at a cardboard red Popsicle, over.
195
00:06:52,197 --> 00:06:54,697
MAN: [THROUGH CB RADIO] That
is a big 10-4, Headband!
196
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,800
Pavement Pouncer here, over!
197
00:06:56,902 --> 00:06:58,068
Whoa, this works?
198
00:06:58,170 --> 00:06:59,636
I was just goofin'!
199
00:06:59,738 --> 00:07:00,938
Hayley?!
200
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,106
It says that the salami
we're transporting
201
00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:04,541
is highly explosive!
202
00:07:04,643 --> 00:07:06,009
Well, the chemicals in the preservatives
203
00:07:06,111 --> 00:07:07,344
are pretty volatile.
204
00:07:07,446 --> 00:07:09,246
And all that salami's loose back there,
205
00:07:09,348 --> 00:07:11,514
just slices floppin' around.
206
00:07:11,616 --> 00:07:12,682
Super illegal.
207
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,684
But if you think about it,
208
00:07:14,786 --> 00:07:18,387
aren't we all just loose slices
floppin' around?
209
00:07:18,489 --> 00:07:22,091
Uh... take 193 South.
210
00:07:22,193 --> 00:07:24,026
Nope. Gotta do all back roads.
211
00:07:24,128 --> 00:07:26,028
Can't risk getting pulled over.
212
00:07:26,130 --> 00:07:28,230
Plus, we get to hit up
some rural strip clubs.
213
00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:29,932
Those backwoods beauties have
214
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:31,867
bushes that'll knock your teeth out.
215
00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:33,035
[HORN BLARES]
216
00:07:33,137 --> 00:07:34,971
[TIRES HISS]
217
00:07:35,073 --> 00:07:37,573
♪
218
00:07:37,675 --> 00:07:39,175
Schmuley, you're back!
219
00:07:39,277 --> 00:07:41,177
I was so worried about you.
220
00:07:41,279 --> 00:07:43,946
Worried I'd find out
Dad was a derby driver?
221
00:07:44,048 --> 00:07:45,414
[GASPS] Keebla.
222
00:07:45,516 --> 00:07:47,549
That's right, it was Keebler!
223
00:07:47,651 --> 00:07:50,486
And I'm finally hearing
stories about Dad!
224
00:07:50,588 --> 00:07:52,054
Which I never get from you!
225
00:07:52,156 --> 00:07:54,290
I don't want you hanging
out with that Keebla.
226
00:07:54,392 --> 00:07:56,525
I'm doing more than
hanging out with him.
227
00:07:56,627 --> 00:07:58,760
I'm learning to drive from him.
228
00:07:58,863 --> 00:08:01,162
[CAR HORN PLAYS
"LA CUCARACHA" IN DISTANCE]
229
00:08:01,264 --> 00:08:05,901
I think we can all guess
whose horn that is.
230
00:08:06,003 --> 00:08:07,035
[DOOR OPENS, SLAMS]
231
00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:10,772
[HORN CONTINUES]
232
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,307
Welcome to my Miata.
233
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,843
This is James. James, Snot.
234
00:08:14,945 --> 00:08:16,512
I'm driving for Uber Two-Seater.
235
00:08:16,614 --> 00:08:19,114
And before you say
that's not a thing, it's not.
236
00:08:19,216 --> 00:08:20,549
Way to go, James, you blew it.
237
00:08:20,651 --> 00:08:24,452
Kid saw right through you. Just get out.
238
00:08:24,555 --> 00:08:25,787
- See you tomorrow, James!
- [ENGINE STARTS]
239
00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:27,455
I know it's not a
great first impression,
240
00:08:27,558 --> 00:08:29,591
but what do you think of James?
241
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:34,308
So this is Raceway Park.
242
00:08:34,411 --> 00:08:36,310
Where my dad used to derby.
243
00:08:36,413 --> 00:08:38,812
Yep. And he used to do his derbyin'
244
00:08:38,915 --> 00:08:40,448
with the Derby Donkeys.
245
00:08:40,550 --> 00:08:43,817
Hey, Donkeys,
this here's Lonny Lonstein's poo stain.
246
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,353
[SNIFFS]
247
00:08:45,455 --> 00:08:49,823
Well, I'll be, stinks just like Lonny!
248
00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:50,991
Just like Lonny.
249
00:08:51,094 --> 00:08:53,094
Got Lonny's ugly smile too!
250
00:08:53,196 --> 00:08:54,529
Ugly smile too.
251
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,330
'Course, Lonny didn't repeat everything
252
00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:58,832
like some damn trick bird.
253
00:08:58,935 --> 00:09:00,868
Let's get away from this guy.
254
00:09:00,970 --> 00:09:03,803
So, kid, if I'm gonna train ya,
we're gonna need a car.
255
00:09:03,905 --> 00:09:04,971
You really don't know
256
00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:06,440
what happened to the Red Rammer, huh?
257
00:09:06,542 --> 00:09:08,308
No idea.
258
00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:11,078
Wh-What's happening?
I thought we were gonna train.
259
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:13,346
Soon, soon. Need a little sex first.
260
00:09:13,449 --> 00:09:15,348
Hold my clothes like your daddy used to.
261
00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:17,350
I won't make it 10 feet in this garage
262
00:09:17,453 --> 00:09:19,652
before I'm deep-doggin' a derby daisy.
263
00:09:20,822 --> 00:09:23,490
SNOT: [MUFFLED] Whoa. Big hat.
264
00:09:23,592 --> 00:09:26,126
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
265
00:09:27,696 --> 00:09:30,330
[GRUNTING]
266
00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:35,568
Good. You're still here.
267
00:09:35,669 --> 00:09:37,536
'Cause you haven't started training me!
268
00:09:37,638 --> 00:09:39,405
You've been having sex all night...
269
00:09:39,507 --> 00:09:41,107
Oh, you heard that, did you?
270
00:09:41,209 --> 00:09:43,409
[EXHALES] I can get pretty loud.
271
00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:45,677
C'mon. Now it's time.
272
00:09:45,779 --> 00:09:48,114
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING]
- [WHISPERING] I thought you said it was time.
273
00:09:48,216 --> 00:09:50,616
Soon, soon. Just havin' a look at WebMD.
274
00:09:50,718 --> 00:09:53,586
Pretty sure I caught
something last night.
275
00:09:55,256 --> 00:09:56,722
Does this look like the picture?
276
00:09:56,824 --> 00:09:58,157
Jesus!
277
00:09:58,259 --> 00:10:01,193
Alright, time to earn
your learner's permit.
278
00:10:01,295 --> 00:10:03,229
STEVE: You want me to drive now?!
279
00:10:03,331 --> 00:10:07,433
It's driving, just have fun with it.
280
00:10:07,535 --> 00:10:09,200
[GEAR CRANKS]
281
00:10:09,302 --> 00:10:11,569
[WHEELS HISS]
282
00:10:11,671 --> 00:10:14,071
[WOOD CREAKING]
283
00:10:14,174 --> 00:10:17,074
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Th-This isn't so bad.
284
00:10:17,177 --> 00:10:19,076
[BIRDS CHIRPING, WOOD CREAKING]
285
00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:21,979
Steve, there's a chipmunk gnawing!
286
00:10:22,081 --> 00:10:23,414
[GNAWS]
287
00:10:23,517 --> 00:10:24,015
[WHIMPERS]
288
00:10:24,117 --> 00:10:25,383
[ENGINE REVS]
289
00:10:27,587 --> 00:10:28,620
[GNAWS]
290
00:10:28,721 --> 00:10:30,622
[SCREECHES]
291
00:10:30,723 --> 00:10:32,056
Oh.
292
00:10:32,992 --> 00:10:34,392
Oh, no!
293
00:10:34,494 --> 00:10:36,528
[HAWK CRIES, BEAR GROWLS]
294
00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:38,163
Oh, thank God.
295
00:10:38,265 --> 00:10:39,664
What the hell?!
296
00:10:39,766 --> 00:10:40,898
[GROANS]
297
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,300
I'm saved!
298
00:10:42,402 --> 00:10:43,467
[GRUNTING]
299
00:10:43,569 --> 00:10:46,070
Why does everyone hate
this rope so much?!
300
00:10:46,172 --> 00:10:48,105
[ENGINE REVS, TIRES SCREECH]
301
00:10:48,207 --> 00:10:50,675
If this cone was a car,
you'd've smashed it.
302
00:10:50,777 --> 00:10:54,111
It's no Rammer, but you're gonna
kick ass in the Miata Masher.
303
00:10:54,213 --> 00:10:57,081
You haven't even taught
me the Skidrokyo Drift.
304
00:10:57,183 --> 00:10:59,021
You really think I'm ready to derby?
305
00:10:59,056 --> 00:11:00,951
'Bout fifty-fifty. Maybe fofty-fofty.
306
00:11:01,054 --> 00:11:03,520
But fofty-fofty's not a real number...
307
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,489
Yeah, okay, then I'll say fifty-fifty.
308
00:11:07,994 --> 00:11:09,727
Vespa's been ridin' my ass.
309
00:11:09,829 --> 00:11:11,162
[TIRES SCREECH]
310
00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:14,031
[TAP]
311
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:15,399
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
312
00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:17,734
Wheels are shot and the front fell! Pff.
313
00:11:17,836 --> 00:11:18,902
What about the derby?!
314
00:11:19,004 --> 00:11:21,305
Can't do it without a car.
315
00:11:21,407 --> 00:11:24,641
Okay, guy,
let's see your insurance info.
316
00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:26,643
Uh-huh.
317
00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:28,312
Uh, do you wanna give me yours?
318
00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:31,315
My insurance is that I
now know where you live.
319
00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:34,150
And if I get so much as
one phone call from GEICO,
320
00:11:34,253 --> 00:11:36,119
I will burn your house to the ground
321
00:11:36,222 --> 00:11:38,988
429 Shippey Lane... [STAMMERS]
322
00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:40,524
Wait, 492?
323
00:11:40,626 --> 00:11:42,926
Shippey doesn't sound right, either...
324
00:11:43,028 --> 00:11:44,160
No!
325
00:11:44,263 --> 00:11:45,195
[PANTING]
326
00:11:45,297 --> 00:11:47,097
Something's zapping me.
327
00:11:47,199 --> 00:11:47,898
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
328
00:11:47,961 --> 00:11:49,700
Well, Snot, the results are in.
329
00:11:49,801 --> 00:11:52,435
Your old pal's got the
Muscular Dystrophy.
330
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,270
How about instead of looking up symptoms
331
00:11:54,372 --> 00:11:56,106
we find another derby car?
332
00:11:56,208 --> 00:11:58,141
That's a great idea,
why don't you try to find
333
00:11:58,243 --> 00:12:00,576
the Red Rammer like I've
been telling you to!
334
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:04,147
Dick, I gotta remind you
to keep your voice down.
335
00:12:04,249 --> 00:12:05,715
[HUSHED] I got the dystrophy, Barbara.
336
00:12:05,817 --> 00:12:07,183
I got the dystrophy!
337
00:12:07,285 --> 00:12:08,998
[NORMAL VOICE] And this one
won't find the Red Rammer
338
00:12:09,033 --> 00:12:09,685
like I've been tellin' him.
339
00:12:09,788 --> 00:12:14,523
In any case,
[HUSHED] if you could just...
340
00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:16,860
Now you're getting me
in trouble with Barbara.
341
00:12:16,962 --> 00:12:19,495
♪
342
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:21,530
There you are! I've been worried sick!
343
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,967
Mom, do you know what
happened to the Red Rammer?
344
00:12:24,069 --> 00:12:25,367
It's gone.
345
00:12:25,469 --> 00:12:27,469
So you do know what happened to it.
346
00:12:27,571 --> 00:12:29,451
And you're never gonna find it.
347
00:12:29,486 --> 00:12:30,942
- Oh, yeah?!
- Yeah!
348
00:12:31,008 --> 00:12:31,940
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
349
00:12:31,942 --> 00:12:32,941
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
350
00:12:32,943 --> 00:12:33,942
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
351
00:12:33,944 --> 00:12:35,077
[YELLS]
352
00:12:35,179 --> 00:12:36,879
[TABLE THUDS]
353
00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:41,283
What the?
354
00:12:44,321 --> 00:12:47,389
[CLOCK TICKS]
355
00:12:47,524 --> 00:12:49,892
Schmuley, just take it easy.
356
00:12:49,994 --> 00:12:51,894
Let's listen to some music.
357
00:12:51,996 --> 00:12:54,629
[RADIO PLAYS]
358
00:12:54,731 --> 00:12:56,832
I can't believe you.
359
00:12:58,669 --> 00:13:00,067
How did I not see...
360
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,202
Schmuley, please!
361
00:13:01,304 --> 00:13:02,903
You chopped up the Rammer!
362
00:13:03,005 --> 00:13:07,240
This is all Dad left me,
and you chopped it up!
363
00:13:07,342 --> 00:13:09,810
I did what I had to do
to keep this family...
364
00:13:09,912 --> 00:13:12,545
and this house... from falling apart!
365
00:13:12,647 --> 00:13:15,816
All you ever tell me about
Dad is the bad things.
366
00:13:15,918 --> 00:13:20,753
But he was a derby-driving,
Keebler clothes-holdin' badass.
367
00:13:20,856 --> 00:13:23,489
[CRIES]
368
00:13:24,026 --> 00:13:25,926
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
369
00:13:26,028 --> 00:13:28,494
[CRIES]
370
00:13:29,231 --> 00:13:31,698
[WINDOWS SQUEAKING]
371
00:13:32,803 --> 00:13:34,753
_
372
00:13:35,304 --> 00:13:36,768
We're actually gonna make it!
373
00:13:36,871 --> 00:13:39,771
[SIREN WAILS]
374
00:13:39,874 --> 00:13:41,606
Oh, God!
375
00:13:44,712 --> 00:13:46,478
Just be cool, I'll take care of this.
376
00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:48,714
Hi, Officer,
what seems to be the problem?
377
00:13:48,816 --> 00:13:52,451
Y'all two Yankee Childs
wouldn't be haulin' contraband
378
00:13:52,553 --> 00:13:55,054
luncheon meat through
my county now, would ya?
379
00:13:55,156 --> 00:13:56,722
What?! No.
380
00:13:56,824 --> 00:13:59,258
I don't know which smell is stronger,
381
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,460
bullshit or salami...
382
00:14:01,562 --> 00:14:03,095
[QUIETLY] No, do it the other way.
383
00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:05,297
[NORMAL VOICE] I don't know
which smell is stronger,
384
00:14:05,399 --> 00:14:07,900
salami or bullshit.
385
00:14:08,002 --> 00:14:09,801
[QUIETLY] Much better, good job,
you did good, good boy.
386
00:14:09,904 --> 00:14:12,771
[NORMAL VOICE] Now open
the back of the truck.
387
00:14:12,873 --> 00:14:16,307
Well, I guess
I'm opening the truck now...
388
00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:25,517
♪
389
00:14:25,619 --> 00:14:28,052
Please, don't make me do this.
390
00:14:28,154 --> 00:14:30,088
STATE TROOPER: Whaddya waitin' for?
391
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:33,525
♪
392
00:14:33,627 --> 00:14:37,562
Uh... it's just that it's... so hot.
393
00:14:37,664 --> 00:14:40,665
Missy, if you think that is gonna...
394
00:14:41,702 --> 00:14:45,469
[HIGH-PITCHED] Owie wowie,
baby wants mommy,
395
00:14:45,571 --> 00:14:47,738
[PANTING] make it dirty!
396
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,673
[HORN BLARES]
397
00:14:49,776 --> 00:14:50,875
Oh, thank God.
398
00:14:50,976 --> 00:14:52,443
[MUFFLED GUNSHOTS]
399
00:14:52,545 --> 00:14:54,845
[JEFF SOBS]
400
00:14:54,947 --> 00:14:57,581
What have I done?!
401
00:14:59,652 --> 00:15:01,685
So, what's on the itinerary?
402
00:15:01,788 --> 00:15:04,354
A little rat chasing in the ol' garage?
403
00:15:04,457 --> 00:15:07,257
No, Barry.
We're rebuilding my dad's car.
404
00:15:07,359 --> 00:15:10,394
Alright, but if I find a rat,
I'm still eatin' it.
405
00:15:10,496 --> 00:15:13,931
[THE IDES OF MARCH'S "VEHICLE" PLAYS]
406
00:15:14,033 --> 00:15:18,769
♪
407
00:15:18,871 --> 00:15:22,405
♪ Hey, well, I'm the friendly
stranger in the black sedan ♪
408
00:15:22,507 --> 00:15:24,674
♪ Won't 'cha hop inside my car? ♪
409
00:15:24,776 --> 00:15:26,976
♪ I got pictures, I got candy,
I'm a lovable man ♪
410
00:15:27,078 --> 00:15:29,378
♪ And I can take you
to the nearest star ♪
411
00:15:29,481 --> 00:15:31,648
♪ I'm your vehicle, baby ♪
412
00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:34,150
♪ I can take you
anywhere you wanna go ♪
413
00:15:34,252 --> 00:15:36,553
♪ I'm your vehicle, woman ♪
414
00:15:36,655 --> 00:15:38,721
♪ By that, I'm sure you know ♪
415
00:15:38,824 --> 00:15:40,256
- ♪ That I love ya ♪
- ♪ Love ya ♪
416
00:15:40,358 --> 00:15:41,691
- ♪ I need ya ♪
- ♪ Need ya ♪
417
00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:44,060
♪ I wants ya, gots to have you, child ♪
418
00:15:44,162 --> 00:15:49,031
♪ Great God in heaven,
you know I love you ♪
419
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:54,570
♪
420
00:15:54,672 --> 00:15:57,340
♪ Well,
if you wants to be a movie star ♪
421
00:15:57,442 --> 00:16:00,676
[ENGINE REVS, TIRES SCREECH]
422
00:16:00,778 --> 00:16:01,944
[CHEERING]
423
00:16:02,046 --> 00:16:04,646
♪ You know, I think you really should ♪
424
00:16:04,748 --> 00:16:06,582
♪ I'm your vehicle, baby ♪
425
00:16:06,684 --> 00:16:10,186
You found her... and she's beautiful.
426
00:16:10,288 --> 00:16:11,653
M-May I?
427
00:16:11,755 --> 00:16:13,422
Sure.
428
00:16:14,325 --> 00:16:15,257
[ENGINE REVS]
429
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:16,592
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
430
00:16:16,694 --> 00:16:19,628
I'm stealing the Rammer. Pff.
431
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:23,065
Keebler, you dirty thief!
432
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,302
Come back with my daddy's car!
433
00:16:26,404 --> 00:16:29,770
[SOBS]
434
00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:33,441
- Mom?
- Dry those tears, my beautiful baby boy.
435
00:16:33,543 --> 00:16:35,110
We're getting the Rammer back.
436
00:16:35,212 --> 00:16:36,544
Oh, wow!
437
00:16:36,646 --> 00:16:38,380
I just have to drop this Tupperware off
438
00:16:38,482 --> 00:16:39,647
at Mrs. Amendola's house.
439
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,916
I've had it forever, it's on the way,
440
00:16:42,019 --> 00:16:43,418
don't make a face.
441
00:16:47,992 --> 00:16:51,248
That damn Keebla stole
your car and half my house!
442
00:16:51,351 --> 00:16:53,317
And my trust in strangers!
443
00:16:53,419 --> 00:16:55,319
Get him, Mom!
444
00:16:55,420 --> 00:16:56,820
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- Hey, Donkeys!
445
00:16:56,922 --> 00:16:58,488
I've got a dingleberry danglin'!
446
00:16:58,590 --> 00:17:00,423
Get 'em off my tail!
447
00:17:02,394 --> 00:17:04,328
Let's roll!
448
00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:05,662
[SCREAMS]
449
00:17:05,764 --> 00:17:08,332
No!
450
00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,167
Get it together, Derrick.
451
00:17:10,269 --> 00:17:12,069
Keebler needs us.
452
00:17:12,171 --> 00:17:14,838
Woo-hoo!
453
00:17:14,940 --> 00:17:19,009
No!
454
00:17:19,111 --> 00:17:23,813
♪
455
00:17:23,916 --> 00:17:25,682
[TIRES SCREECH]
456
00:17:27,318 --> 00:17:28,985
Mom, you gotta hit him back!
457
00:17:29,087 --> 00:17:31,453
I can't do it! You take the wheel.
458
00:17:31,555 --> 00:17:33,489
What?!
459
00:17:33,591 --> 00:17:35,358
You were born to drive.
460
00:17:35,459 --> 00:17:36,859
I tried to deny it, 'cause I didn't want
461
00:17:36,961 --> 00:17:39,228
to lose you to that damn derby.
462
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:42,698
But I don't have to worry
because you're not your dad.
463
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,834
Now be your dad and smash these fools!
464
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:49,405
They're coming up on both sides!
465
00:17:49,507 --> 00:17:51,207
Car! Car!
466
00:17:51,309 --> 00:17:52,441
[TIRES SCREECH]
467
00:17:52,543 --> 00:17:57,112
♪
468
00:17:57,214 --> 00:18:00,481
Wow, Schmuley,
you've really got a knock for...
469
00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:03,518
On your six!
470
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,653
Mom, you sound like a spotter.
471
00:18:05,755 --> 00:18:08,423
I was your fatha's first spotter,
before Keebla.
472
00:18:08,525 --> 00:18:09,757
- You?
- [CLATTERING]
473
00:18:09,859 --> 00:18:11,159
Yeah, but when I got pregnant...
474
00:18:11,261 --> 00:18:12,360
You had to hang it up.
475
00:18:12,462 --> 00:18:13,561
Yeah.
476
00:18:13,663 --> 00:18:15,496
Plus side though, the derby guys
477
00:18:15,598 --> 00:18:17,165
threw me a very nice baby shower.
478
00:18:17,267 --> 00:18:19,500
And the strippers had what appeared
479
00:18:19,602 --> 00:18:21,436
to be full sex with each other.
480
00:18:21,538 --> 00:18:22,670
- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- Mmm.
481
00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:24,406
Is it the explosive preservatives
482
00:18:24,507 --> 00:18:26,007
that make it taste so good?
483
00:18:28,245 --> 00:18:30,044
Whoa! It's Snot and his mom!
484
00:18:30,146 --> 00:18:31,245
They're in trouble.
485
00:18:31,247 --> 00:18:36,817
♪
486
00:18:36,919 --> 00:18:38,252
This Headband to Pavement Pouncer
487
00:18:38,354 --> 00:18:39,820
or any other trucker out there.
488
00:18:39,922 --> 00:18:41,355
Shut the door and sit on the toilet,
489
00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:43,790
'cause I've got some friends
deep in donkey-doo, over.
490
00:18:43,892 --> 00:18:45,792
PAVEMENT POUNCER:
That's a big 10-4, Headband.
491
00:18:45,894 --> 00:18:48,395
Four hot shovels coming your way.
492
00:18:48,497 --> 00:18:51,332
I see you now. And you're
bringing a great big convoy...
493
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,600
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't say that word!
494
00:18:53,702 --> 00:18:55,002
We're nothing like that song!
495
00:18:55,104 --> 00:18:57,409
- What song?
- Not this one!
496
00:18:58,941 --> 00:19:00,941
♪ We got a big group of tru-ucks ♪
497
00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:02,909
♪ That means more than one truck ♪
498
00:19:03,012 --> 00:19:05,411
♪ Yeah, we got a big group of tru-ucks ♪
499
00:19:05,514 --> 00:19:07,280
♪ Usually four or five trucks ♪
500
00:19:07,382 --> 00:19:09,616
♪ C'mon and join our
big group of trucks ♪
501
00:19:09,718 --> 00:19:11,184
♪ This time it's only four trucks ♪
502
00:19:11,286 --> 00:19:12,151
[HORN HONKS]
503
00:19:12,253 --> 00:19:15,555
♪ Tru-ucks ♪
504
00:19:19,227 --> 00:19:20,326
What the hell?
505
00:19:20,428 --> 00:19:23,463
Guess it's up to us to get
that Donkey off his tail.
506
00:19:23,565 --> 00:19:26,232
Hey, honey! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!
507
00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:28,134
[LAUGHING] Oh, yeah!
508
00:19:31,507 --> 00:19:32,939
[BOTH GROANING]
509
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:40,278
♪
510
00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:41,981
SNOT: Whoo-hoo!
511
00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:44,249
♪
512
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,584
There's Keebla!
513
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:48,153
You caught 'em, Schmuley,
now take 'em out!
514
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:51,123
♪
515
00:19:51,225 --> 00:19:52,858
Foot on the dash? [GASPS]
516
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,061
You're doing the Skidrokyo Drift!
517
00:19:56,163 --> 00:19:57,863
[TIRES SCREECH]
518
00:19:57,965 --> 00:19:59,532
♪
519
00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:03,435
Whoooooooaaaa.
520
00:20:03,538 --> 00:20:06,405
♪
521
00:20:06,507 --> 00:20:08,472
[LAUGHS]
522
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,575
Oh, no, you missed.
523
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:13,077
No, I didn't, Mom.
524
00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:17,081
For me?
525
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,183
But why didn't you Skidrokyo Keebla?
526
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,685
Screw Keebler.
527
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,620
And screw the Red Rammer.
528
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,955
I don't want it.
529
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:28,059
That's Dad's car, and I'm letting it go.
530
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:30,795
- Why?
- 'Cause Dad let us go.
531
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:34,165
He bailed on us... but you stuck around.
532
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,534
And you're the only dad I need.
533
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,870
Oh!
534
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:41,573
Now let's clock some driving hours
535
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:45,109
so I can sign your permit paper.
536
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:49,313
Wow, I through this moment
would be more powerful for me.
537
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,983
Thought it would be a
little more meaningful.
538
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,453
[GASPS] There it is!
539
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,389
There's that special feeling!
540
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,324
Have a great night!
541
00:21:02,223 --> 00:21:04,233
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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