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1
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Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
2
00:00:16,930 --> 00:00:20,369
# She's Mrs Brown
3
00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:22,329
# That's Mrs Brown
4
00:00:22,330 --> 00:00:25,290
# Our Mrs Brown... #
5
00:00:29,310 --> 00:00:30,350
Bitch.
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00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,910
They're not real.
Well, one of them might be.
7
00:00:38,710 --> 00:00:42,229
Hello, I am just looking at
some of the models in this.
8
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:45,589
My God, what they need is a good
feed! There's not a pick on them.
9
00:00:45,590 --> 00:00:48,789
There's one of them in here that
looks like a feckin' X-ray!
10
00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:51,309
There wouldn't be enough elastic
in her knickers
11
00:00:51,310 --> 00:00:53,270
to make a pair of garters
for a budgie.
12
00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:57,469
If you could call them knickers,
two strings with a label.
13
00:00:57,470 --> 00:01:00,709
In my day we wore real knickers ...
Aertex.
14
00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:03,149
HE CHUCKLES
15
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:07,429
Little pin-holes in them. My husband
couldn't look at a teabag,
16
00:01:07,430 --> 00:01:08,750
but he wanted to do it!
17
00:01:12,510 --> 00:01:14,630
Hiya, Mammy. Hello, honey bunny.
18
00:01:17,070 --> 00:01:19,070
You just missed a
call from your boss.
19
00:01:19,071 --> 00:01:21,069
I told him you'd call
as soon as you get in.
20
00:01:21,070 --> 00:01:24,069
That bastard. Why love, what's wrong?
Next week
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00:01:24,070 --> 00:01:28,229
is Kids Intercontinental Comic Book
and Cosmic Charac Festival Week.
22
00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:32,030
You must have shit yourself
when saw that in the script!
23
00:01:34,950 --> 00:01:37,349
Would you like to have another
go at it?
24
00:01:37,350 --> 00:01:40,429
Next week is
25
00:01:40,430 --> 00:01:42,830
Kids Intercontinental Comic...
Ah, feckin' hell!
26
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:50,429
Now, now, now. That's bad language
for a rabbit.
27
00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,389
Ah, da, da, da, da tet-ta.
28
00:01:52,390 --> 00:01:54,109
Next week is
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00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:58,749
Kids Intercontinental Comic Book and
Cosmic Character Festival Week.
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00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,029
AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
31
00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:05,750
I love when that comes around
every year. What is it again?
32
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:11,989
I'm supposed to be promoting
kids' comics,
33
00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:15,589
and he wants me as a different
superhero every day.
34
00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:18,469
Oh, Dermot, that'll be marvellous.
I'm not doing it! Why not?
35
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:20,910
The kids will love that.
And I can't think of anyone
36
00:02:20,911 --> 00:02:23,349
who'd look better as a
superhero than my son.
37
00:02:23,350 --> 00:02:26,909
Mammy, I have to get the bus into
town every day dressed like this.
38
00:02:26,910 --> 00:02:30,269
You're lucky, dressed like that,
he doesn't make you
39
00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:32,069
run in front of a greyhound!
40
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:34,749
BARKS LIKE A DOG
41
00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:38,429
I'm sorry, son. It's bad enough now,
you can imagine the slagging
42
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:48,669
At least with those costumes
you can put an overcoat on.
43
00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:51,389
You can't with the big ones.
You're right, you know. I am.
44
00:02:51,390 --> 00:02:53,670
Now, cup of tea? No, Ma.
45
00:02:54,990 --> 00:02:58,309
Fine. Hey, Ma, there's a new shop
opened in the main shopping centre.
46
00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:01,989
Just what we need, a new feckin'
shop. It's called Fuller Fashions.
47
00:03:01,990 --> 00:03:05,029
Is it? It's nice,
I'd say you'd love it. Would I?
48
00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:07,950
They do lovely clothes for fat women.
49
00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:17,509
And why would I like that?
Well, you know,
50
00:03:17,510 --> 00:03:19,950
in case you wanted to get
something nice for Winnie.
51
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:26,190
Very good. That's very good.
You're not suggesting
52
00:03:26,191 --> 00:03:28,989
that I would go into
such an establishment...
53
00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:32,109
Bejesus, no, Mammy.
You'd be too skinny for that stuff.
54
00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:35,429
I would, wouldn't I?
I would be much too feckin' skinny.
55
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:37,950
It was nearly fucking rabbit season.
56
00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:42,389
Rory and Dino will be
home for their break, soon.
57
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:46,189
Oh, now, the Banger Sisters.
Ha, the Banger Sisters.
58
00:03:46,190 --> 00:03:49,190
That's cos they like the sausages.
59
00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:52,870
Doesn't matter, Mammy.
60
00:03:54,710 --> 00:03:59,509
Hey, Dermot. Hi, Dermot. Hey, lads.
I'm here, Mammy.
61
00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:02,949
Do you want a cup of tea? No thanks.
62
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:05,709
No, Mammy, I just came home
to drop off my bag.
63
00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:08,110
Well, you're not feckin'
leaving him here.
64
00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:14,469
We're heading down to Foley's for a
little drink. Foley's, at this hour?
65
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:18,989
Well, it's a kind of a celebration.
Celebrating what? Can I tell them?
66
00:04:18,990 --> 00:04:22,549
Oh, go on then. There was a big
announcement in work today.
67
00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:26,149
What announcement? Well,
the owner... Mr Kavanagh.
68
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:28,269
Of the salon...
Wash And Blow.
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00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:31,709
Announced today that instead
of bringing in a new manager,
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00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:34,349
he was going to promote
someone from within the shop.
71
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,270
Rory, that's a marvellous
opportunity.
72
00:04:36,271 --> 00:04:39,509
I've always said Mr Kavanagh is
a very intelligent and generous man.
73
00:04:39,510 --> 00:04:41,709
And Dino is the favourite to get it.
74
00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:45,269
He's a bastard that man,
I never liked him.
75
00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:47,269
We'll see now Rory,
let's wait and see.
76
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:49,029
Yeah, well, we can only hope.
77
00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:52,269
You know you're going to get it.
78
00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:56,149
Still, you're right, I suppose, it's
not over till the fat lady sings.
79
00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:59,190
Clear your throat there, Mrs Brown!
80
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:07,310
Excuse me?! We better go!
You skinny, Scottish bastard!
81
00:05:10,950 --> 00:05:15,869
Right, I'm off, Mammy. Dermot, son...
82
00:05:15,870 --> 00:05:19,550
here, that's for later,
don't tell anyone.
83
00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:28,909
Go on, do it for me. Ah, Ma. Do it
for your mammy, just once, please.
84
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:31,750
Der-der-der-der-that's all, folks.
85
00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:43,029
And, Dermot, think about the
superhero thing,
86
00:05:43,030 --> 00:05:45,109
I think it would be nice.
87
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,669
What's the superhero thing? Dermot.
88
00:05:47,670 --> 00:05:51,910
It's Intercontinental Kids Comic
and Cosmic Character Week.
89
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,630
It's what?
90
00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:03,590
DERMOT LAUGHS
91
00:06:11,390 --> 00:06:13,589
And Dermot doesn't want to
be a superhero.
92
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,910
Not wanting to be a
superhero may indicate
93
00:06:15,911 --> 00:06:18,229
his unwillingness to
take on responsibility.
94
00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:23,949
I know where this is coming from,
Cathy. Professor Clown. It's Clowne.
95
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:28,389
C-L-O-W-N-E, Clowne, it's Swiss.
96
00:06:28,390 --> 00:06:31,310
C-L-O-W-N-E is clown in
any fucking language.
97
00:06:32,790 --> 00:06:36,749
Even in euros. You're even starting
to sound like him.
98
00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:39,389
Cathy, is there something going
on there? Maybe.
99
00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:41,669
He's asked me out on a date.
100
00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:44,989
I don't think that a professor
should be seeing his students.
101
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:47,730
And I am going.
It's your life, love, you're
102
00:06:47,731 --> 00:06:50,469
entitled to fuck it
up anyway you like.
103
00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:53,989
Well, excuse me, if I take a pass
on your dating advice.
104
00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:56,069
Well, you excuse me.
105
00:06:56,070 --> 00:07:00,709
I'll have you know, missy, in my day
I was considered a bit of a catch.
106
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:02,949
You may not think it now.
Oh no, Mammy.
107
00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:05,989
You're still a fine looking
woman. I know.
108
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,070
I just said that
to feckin' be humble.
109
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,270
Even with the extra weight.
110
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:20,189
I think the place could be cleaner.
What do you think? Um-hm. Yes.
111
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,829
I think if everyone done a little
bit of sweeping,
112
00:07:22,830 --> 00:07:25,149
even the stylists,
if they're not too busy.
113
00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:28,109
The stylists, sweeping,
that's interesting.
114
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:32,389
I think that steriliser
should be cleaned more as well.
115
00:07:32,390 --> 00:07:34,990
It's filthy, full of hair.
116
00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:42,950
It's comfy over here. Yes it is, son,
that's why it's my fucking chair.
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00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:48,149
Thanks, Mrs Brown. Dermott will be
home in a couple of minutes.
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00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:51,549
In the meantime,
everything in this room is counted.
119
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:55,629
Mrs Brown? What?
I'd love a cream cake.
120
00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:59,309
Yeah, I'd love
a holiday in fucking Spain.
121
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:02,349
Also, I think there's far too
many smoke breaks.
122
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:07,030
But, Rory, you don't smoke.
That's not my fault. Uh-huh.
123
00:08:09,310 --> 00:08:11,269
You're here, thanks for waiting.
124
00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:14,030
No problemo, Dermo.
Give me a second.
125
00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:17,869
I'm home, Mammy.
I'll inform the press.
126
00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:21,909
How are you, Dino?
Congratulations on the promotion.
127
00:08:21,910 --> 00:08:23,629
Oh, rub it in, why don't you?
128
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:25,830
HE SOBS
129
00:08:27,910 --> 00:08:34,390
What did I say?
He didn't get the promotion. I did!
130
00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:37,949
I'll see you later...
131
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,149
Manager.
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00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,549
So, Dermo, what you want me for?
133
00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:47,550
I wanted to see if you fancied doing
Robin next week? Yeah.
134
00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:50,750
Where are we robbing?
135
00:08:50,751 --> 00:08:54,709
Not thieving, robbing,
Robin, Robin, like Batman and Robin.
136
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:58,869
Oh, that Robin. Who's robbing? Me.
You want to give that up, son.
137
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:02,070
No, Mammy, he's not going to be
robbing, he's going to BE Robin.
138
00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:08,109
When? In a few days. But he's not
robbing today? Obviously.
139
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:10,310
But he's going to be robbing,
and you think that's OK?
140
00:09:10,311 --> 00:09:12,509
Mammy, you're getting confused.
141
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,589
Dermot, can I explain?
This should be good.
142
00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:22,029
You see, Mrs Brown, Robin is good,
and I'm going to be Robin,
143
00:09:22,030 --> 00:09:25,069
so, if I'm Robin, Robin,
then there will be no robbing,
144
00:09:25,070 --> 00:09:27,150
because Robin,
he's not into robbing.
145
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:34,829
Like Batman and Robin? Yeah.
Seriously, you got it from that?
146
00:09:34,830 --> 00:09:37,270
I thought it was perfectly clear.
147
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:43,629
It's a job, for a day or two, Buster.
I'll be Batman, you'll be Robin.
148
00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:46,870
OK. Be here at nine o'clock.
Nine o'clock.
149
00:09:48,390 --> 00:09:51,269
Nine o'clock in the morning? Yes.
Right, nine o'clock.
150
00:09:51,270 --> 00:09:54,189
Righty oh, see you later, Mrs Brown.
151
00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:56,990
Don't let the door hit you on
the arse on the way out, son.
152
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:02,749
Well, Superson, would you like a cup
of Supertea? Love one, ma.
153
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:04,190
Well, I'll get it for you.
154
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:13,709
4.50, please, Rory.
155
00:10:13,710 --> 00:10:15,989
Mr Foley, look over my shoulder
and tell me
156
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,150
if Dino and Barbara
are staring at me.
157
00:10:20,390 --> 00:10:23,110
Big-time. 4.50, please.
158
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:32,189
Bridget McConinghan. What about her?
159
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:38,429
The big C. No she's not. What?
160
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:42,789
She's not a "see you next Tuesday."
No, she has the big C.
161
00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:44,590
After 12 kids, Agnes?
162
00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:56,750
The big C, she has cancer. Who has?
Bridget McConinghan. As well?
163
00:10:58,270 --> 00:10:59,830
That's unlucky.
164
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:06,949
Winnie, you know sometimes it's like
talking to a feckin' revolving door.
165
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:10,389
Luckily, she has the kind they can
cure. She got a big fright though.
166
00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:11,789
I'll bet.
167
00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:16,869
Do you check yourself, Agnes?
Every time I have a bath. I don't.
168
00:11:16,870 --> 00:11:19,229
I should, but...
What do you look for?
169
00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:22,709
Lumps, bumps, any irregularity at
all, get it checked by the doctor.
170
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:26,229
Doesn't matter if it turns out to be
nothing, get it feckin' checked.
171
00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:29,869
I suppose.
I'm ready for another drink.
172
00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:35,510
That's funny, so am I. Fine, then.
173
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:48,190
Betty. Betty, take a look at me now,
take a good look. Am I fat?
174
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,150
Well, you could lose a few pounds.
175
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:57,349
Well, you no fucking
Twiggy yourself,
176
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,229
with your big hippo arse on you.
177
00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:02,589
Mammy, what Betty is trying to
say... She said I'm fat.
178
00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:07,909
Well, yes, Mammy, you are. Well,
not fat, but certainly overweight.
179
00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:10,350
Come on, gang up on fat mammy.
180
00:12:11,510 --> 00:12:14,429
What's up? Betty, she says I'm fat.
181
00:12:14,430 --> 00:12:16,989
Mrs Brown, everybody puts on
a few pounds, now and then.
182
00:12:16,990 --> 00:12:19,950
Sure, Cathy will tell you.
183
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:25,669
Well, not everybody,
but, yeah, Betty's right.
184
00:12:25,670 --> 00:12:29,190
Mammy, maybe you just need to diet
a bit to get back in shape?
185
00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:32,629
But Mammy was always that shape.
186
00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:35,029
Maybe that was because
Mammy delivered
187
00:12:35,030 --> 00:12:36,749
a big fucking lump like you?
188
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:39,229
Dermot, get lost, will you?
189
00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:43,949
Yes, Dermot, shag off.
Go find yourself a phone box.
190
00:12:43,950 --> 00:12:47,629
Since I had Bono, I've been
struggling to lose weight.
191
00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:48,950
Yeah, she has.
192
00:12:50,110 --> 00:12:54,469
Well, not that much. Well, no,
that's because you worked it.
193
00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:57,389
Exactly. I'm on a diet, if you
like I'll give you a copy of it?
194
00:12:57,390 --> 00:13:01,669
Come on, Ma, you have nothing
to lose. Except a few pounds.
195
00:13:01,670 --> 00:13:03,709
Feck it, I'll try the diet.
196
00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:06,590
I'll try it, even though
I see what it did to your skin.
197
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,150
TELEVISION AUDIBLE
198
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:38,829
Is she here? Who? Cathy.
No. Thank God.
199
00:13:38,830 --> 00:13:41,590
Three days on this diet,
it's feckin' killing me.
200
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:49,190
Oh, Rory, oh, these are gorgeous.
201
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:55,190
Hiya, Mammy. Hello, love.
I smell chips.
202
00:13:56,510 --> 00:13:59,829
Ah, Rory, that's very unfair,
bringing chips home,
203
00:13:59,830 --> 00:14:01,949
when you know Mammy's on a diet.
204
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:05,829
Yes, Rory, how could you be
so inconsiderate?!
205
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:09,549
You feckin' bastard, me trying to
lose a few... I'm so sorry.
206
00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:11,429
You know what she's feckin' like.
207
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,989
Here, I wouldn't hurt
you for the world, love.
208
00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:17,909
Tea? You bastard! You dirty...
209
00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:20,189
Two sugars. I'm trying to diet...
210
00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:22,149
I'm sorry, Rory. I'm so sorry.
211
00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:26,429
Have some yourself.
Go on, help yourself. I'm sorry.
212
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:29,349
Would you like some
cottage cheese, Mammy?
213
00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:32,389
No, I'm stuffed with all that
feckin' lettuce and cucumber.
214
00:14:32,390 --> 00:14:35,029
I'm home, Mammy. That's good, love.
215
00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:36,669
Well, hello there, Rory.
216
00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:38,589
Hiya, Dermot. Are you all right?
217
00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:41,309
I'm sorry, Dermot, I'm miles away.
218
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:46,189
Now, son, there's a drop of tea
for you. Thanks, Ma.
219
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:51,269
Rory, love, do you want a drop
of tea? No, thanks, Mammy. Fine.
220
00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:56,029
Dermot, I'm doing a bit of dinner
for Rory, you're welcome to join us.
221
00:14:56,030 --> 00:15:00,469
What is it?
Filet de poisson en croute.
222
00:15:00,470 --> 00:15:03,949
What's that? Fuckin' fish fingers.
223
00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:05,110
No, Ma, I'd better not.
224
00:15:05,111 --> 00:15:08,629
Maria's off at eight, we're going to
her mammy's house for dinner later.
225
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:11,229
I'm just saying, if you want to
join us there's plenty.
226
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:14,909
Thanks, Ma. You're welcome.
Hiya, Dermot. Hiya, Cathy.
227
00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:17,269
Dermot, I'm going out
to do my outside windows.
228
00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:19,469
If I'm not back in 15 minutes,
come and get me.
229
00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:20,869
You know what I'm like,
230
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,509
I'll probably be
feckin' five houses away.
231
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,589
OK, Ma.
232
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:29,189
So, what is it? What's up?
233
00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:31,309
Dermot, I hate being the manager.
234
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:35,789
Dino's not talking to me and all the
other stylists are ganging up on me.
235
00:15:35,790 --> 00:15:37,190
Can't be easy, I suppose.
236
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,150
CRASH
237
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:57,109
And now there's this!
238
00:15:57,110 --> 00:15:59,590
Dermot, what do you think they are?
239
00:16:03,950 --> 00:16:07,349
LSD! Jesus, Rory, you're not
taking acid, are you?
240
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:10,109
No, I'm not. I found them in work.
241
00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:11,469
So who owns them?
242
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:15,389
I don't know. But as the manager,
I have to find out.
243
00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:19,229
What's them? Who owns them? Rory.
244
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:20,709
They're mine, Mammy.
245
00:16:20,710 --> 00:16:24,989
What are they for? Erm...
They're something I got for...
246
00:16:24,990 --> 00:16:27,829
heartburn. You'd better take some
before your fish fingers.
247
00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:31,629
No, no, no, Mammy, I haven't got
heartburn now. I'll take them later.
248
00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:34,829
I'll put them away safe.
No, Mammy, I'll keep them safe.
249
00:16:34,830 --> 00:16:36,829
Rory, you've a head
like a feckin' sieve,
250
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,469
you'll forget where you put them.
251
00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:41,749
And with my grandson in and out
of the house, I want them safe.
252
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,708
I'll put them away,
there's no problem.
253
00:16:43,709 --> 00:16:45,070
If you want one just ask. Ha!
254
00:16:49,950 --> 00:16:52,469
I am not hungry.
255
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,748
I am not hungry.
256
00:16:53,749 --> 00:16:55,030
I'm not hungry!
257
00:16:55,031 --> 00:16:57,549
I wasn't hungry yesterday,
I'm not hungry today
258
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,229
and I won't be hungry tomorrow.
259
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:00,909
I am not feckin' hungry!
260
00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:03,509
Hiya, Ma. I'm fuckin' starving!
261
00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:06,869
Had a lovely meal at Maria's
mother's house last night.
262
00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:08,109
That's nice.
263
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,069
I never had pale grape sauce before.
264
00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:15,590
She drizzled it over two pork chops
and served it with creamed spinach!
265
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:21,110
Mammy, are you licking my hand?
266
00:17:23,950 --> 00:17:25,749
Sorry.
267
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:28,389
KNOCK AT DOOR
Here's Robin.
268
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:29,590
It's open, Buster.
269
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:36,429
What the hell?! Right then!
270
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,949
Let's go riding through the glen.
271
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:42,509
What do you think, Mrs Brown?
Do I look like the real Robin?
272
00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:45,189
No, you look like a real thrush.
A thrush, why?
273
00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:47,670
You look like an irritating c...
Mammy!
274
00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:52,109
Got to go, Mammy.
Will I see you for dinner?
275
00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:54,989
No, Ma, I'm meeting Maria later
and taking her for a Chinese.
276
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:56,630
Feckin' Chinese!
277
00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,749
And you, you gobshite, Buster,
278
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,869
come on, I'll get you
a proper costume.
279
00:18:01,870 --> 00:18:04,150
Right, let's go, kemo sabe!
280
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,470
Still wrong!
281
00:18:09,190 --> 00:18:11,229
AGNES CRIES
282
00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:14,870
Are you all right, Agnes?
No, Winnie, I think I'm anorexic!
283
00:18:16,710 --> 00:18:20,949
What? Ten days, TEN DAYS,
I've been on this diet!
284
00:18:20,950 --> 00:18:24,909
And have you lost anything?
Yes, ten feckin' days!
285
00:18:24,910 --> 00:18:28,949
How do you feel, pet? I'm starving.
Well, did you weigh yourself today?
286
00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:32,349
The scales is broken. Agnes,
everyone on a diet thinks that.
287
00:18:32,350 --> 00:18:35,869
No, really, I threw them out
the bathroom window yesterday.
288
00:18:35,870 --> 00:18:39,029
Morning, Mammy. Hello, love.
I'll get you a cup of tea.
289
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:43,549
No, I'll get it meself. No, I was
going to lick out the oven anyway.
290
00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:46,949
Cathy, I can't do this diet.
Yes, you can.
291
00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:50,429
I can't, I'm after eating a whole
packet of them Ryvita crackers.
292
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,910
And then I ate the wrapper!
293
00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:57,869
And the wrapper was
the feckin' nicest part. Now, now.
294
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,709
And you seen that stuff,
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?
295
00:19:00,710 --> 00:19:03,510
Yeah. It's not fuckin' butter!
296
00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:08,989
Ah, now, Mammy,
you're doing fantastic.
297
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:12,629
I'm doing steamed cod's roll
for dinner tonight.
298
00:19:12,630 --> 00:19:14,890
Oh, I won't be here.
I meant to tell you, I'm
299
00:19:14,891 --> 00:19:17,149
going for dinner with Thomas.
Professor Clowne.
300
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:20,069
That's longer than
we all expected it to last, Cathy.
301
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:21,469
It's just a date, Mammy.
302
00:19:21,470 --> 00:19:24,389
Actually, I think he's only
dating me to get to you.
303
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:25,990
Likes fat women, does he?
304
00:19:30,910 --> 00:19:32,269
I'm sorry, Winnie?
305
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:34,669
Nothing... Nothing.
306
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:38,109
He's determined to interview you
for his book.
307
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,749
Well, he can be all
the determined he likes,
308
00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:44,190
he's not interviewing me
unless he pays me... in chocolate.
309
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:47,990
Mammy, you're making
too big a thing of this diet
310
00:19:47,991 --> 00:19:50,189
and you haven't got
that much longer to go.
311
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,390
Really, how long?
312
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:54,829
Six weeks. And I'll be watching you
every step of the way.
313
00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:57,389
Six feckin' weeks!
314
00:19:57,390 --> 00:19:59,669
Cathy, in six weeks
I'll have eaten Winnie!
315
00:19:59,670 --> 00:20:01,869
I have to go.
316
00:20:01,870 --> 00:20:04,349
I'll see you later, Agnes.
317
00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:06,430
In about seven weeks.
318
00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:10,510
Bring food!
319
00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:18,309
If that's you, Winnie,
I'm in the sitting room.
320
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:22,629
Is it safe to come in
or will you lick me to death?
321
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:24,430
So, how's the diet going? It's gone.
322
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:28,189
I had four doughnuts
before you walked in the door.
323
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:30,470
Well, that could
kill you, Agnes.
324
00:20:30,471 --> 00:20:32,750
I don't give a shite, I won't
be carrying the coffin.
325
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,829
So Cathy is dating your man Clowne?
326
00:20:38,830 --> 00:20:43,549
So it seems.
Well, dating, but not... Not...
327
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:47,189
Are you all right, love? Just cramp.
That could be them doughnuts, Agnes.
328
00:20:47,190 --> 00:20:49,429
Thanks for the sympathy,
I feel much better.
329
00:20:49,430 --> 00:20:51,429
Really?! No.
330
00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:53,389
Go on.
331
00:20:53,390 --> 00:20:58,029
He's not what you call a boyfriend,
he's more... Oh, Jesus.
332
00:20:58,030 --> 00:21:00,210
Oh, Agnes. You've got nothing
for indigestion, have you?
333
00:21:00,211 --> 00:21:02,389
No, but I can go
back to the house.
334
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:04,570
I can go back to the house
and check for you, love.
335
00:21:04,571 --> 00:21:06,749
No, you're all right,
I'll be fine.
336
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:09,629
She said that... Wait a minute.
337
00:21:09,630 --> 00:21:12,429
Rory had stuff for heartburn.
Oh, great.
338
00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:14,590
What did I feckin' do with it?
339
00:21:17,630 --> 00:21:19,510
Ha-ha-ha! I have it!
340
00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:22,869
These are very small.
341
00:21:22,870 --> 00:21:25,110
Well, take two, Agnes.
342
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,389
Oh, Jesus, they taste like shit.
343
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:34,429
Oh, God, I think
I'd rather have indigestion.
344
00:21:34,430 --> 00:21:36,469
You'll be better in a flash.
Now, go on.
345
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:39,389
Well, she was saying that
he's not really...
346
00:21:39,390 --> 00:21:42,869
She's dating him,
but there's nothing serious, so...
347
00:21:42,870 --> 00:21:44,550
Hmm-hmm!
348
00:21:51,550 --> 00:21:53,549
She's not... She...
349
00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:55,230
Whoo!
350
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:59,270
She's...
351
00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:02,630
Ha-ha-ha!
352
00:22:06,790 --> 00:22:09,869
Who owns that feckin' horse?!
353
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:11,510
Hello, horsey!
354
00:22:16,270 --> 00:22:18,029
Nice horsey!
355
00:22:18,030 --> 00:22:21,830
Hello, horsey!
SHE CACKLES
356
00:22:29,510 --> 00:22:30,669
Where was I?
357
00:22:30,670 --> 00:22:32,789
Well, he's not
what you call a boyfriend.
358
00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:34,869
What do you call a boyfriend?
359
00:22:34,870 --> 00:22:37,469
John, I suppose, is that his name?
360
00:22:37,470 --> 00:22:39,910
You can him John-John-John...
361
00:22:50,550 --> 00:22:52,150
Don't look, don't look at him!
362
00:22:54,830 --> 00:22:56,429
Fuckin' Spider-Man!
363
00:22:56,430 --> 00:22:57,910
Jesus.
364
00:23:06,230 --> 00:23:08,189
Winnie, where are you?!
365
00:23:08,190 --> 00:23:09,509
I'm here!
366
00:23:09,510 --> 00:23:11,550
Don't fuckin' sneak up on me!
367
00:23:13,590 --> 00:23:14,989
He's... He...
368
00:23:14,990 --> 00:23:19,029
He has his site
on the World Wide Web...
369
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:20,389
The web?!
370
00:23:20,390 --> 00:23:23,789
On the web. The web! Feckin' web.
371
00:23:23,790 --> 00:23:28,269
Where is it? Winnie, do you know
what I saw on the internet? What?
372
00:23:28,270 --> 00:23:30,630
Do you know what I saw on the...
373
00:23:41,110 --> 00:23:44,589
Do you know what I saw
on the internet? No.
374
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,070
On the internet they said
375
00:23:46,071 --> 00:23:49,429
that if you get everybody in the
whole world who works in McDonalds
376
00:23:49,430 --> 00:23:50,869
to hold hands,
377
00:23:50,870 --> 00:23:52,990
you have to get your own burger.
378
00:23:54,630 --> 00:23:56,309
Burgers?!
379
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,429
Do you want chips with that, dear?
380
00:23:58,430 --> 00:24:00,550
Agnes, what's wrong with you, love?
381
00:24:05,350 --> 00:24:08,870
Agnes? Will you stop
feckin' sneaking up on me!
382
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,309
I'm feckin' starving.
383
00:24:11,310 --> 00:24:12,869
Let me get you something to eat.
384
00:24:12,870 --> 00:24:15,989
No, it's all right, Winnie, I'll
take a bite of the chair. Agnes!
385
00:24:15,990 --> 00:24:17,750
Come on. You're going to bed, love.
386
00:24:17,751 --> 00:24:20,589
Come on, you're not well. Come on.
387
00:24:20,590 --> 00:24:22,709
No, we can't go upstairs. Why?
388
00:24:22,710 --> 00:24:25,110
We can't go past the fuckin' horse!
Oh, Agnes, come here.
389
00:24:25,111 --> 00:24:28,870
Come on, up you go.
Up you go. That's it.
390
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,389
Winnie! What?
391
00:24:32,390 --> 00:24:34,550
I fucking love you. Oh, feck off!
392
00:24:41,390 --> 00:24:44,269
Oh, we've the place to ourselves.
Sit down.
393
00:24:44,270 --> 00:24:46,269
I'd love to see those notes.
394
00:24:46,270 --> 00:24:49,989
I was hoping your mother would be
here. Yeah, what a shame(!) Cathy.
395
00:24:49,990 --> 00:24:53,429
Winnie. It's your mammy, love,
she's not well.
396
00:24:53,430 --> 00:24:57,469
Now, I put her to bed, but you need
to check on her later, love, OK?
397
00:24:57,470 --> 00:24:59,590
Thanks, Winnie, I'll walk you out.
398
00:25:18,110 --> 00:25:21,309
Well, there you go then,
we won't be seeing Mammy tonight.
399
00:25:21,310 --> 00:25:24,389
Has she mentioned if
she'll let me study her at all?
400
00:25:24,390 --> 00:25:26,070
No. Oh, well.
401
00:25:40,030 --> 00:25:42,069
Professor...
402
00:25:42,070 --> 00:25:45,550
Cathy, you can drop the "Professor",
unless, of course, we're in college.
403
00:25:52,270 --> 00:25:57,149
Thomas, Mammy's not as fascinating
as you think she is.
404
00:25:57,150 --> 00:25:59,469
At the end of the day,
405
00:25:59,470 --> 00:26:03,700
she's really just
an ordinary mother.
406
00:26:19,470 --> 00:26:24,229
To fight injustice,
wherever it may be!
407
00:26:24,230 --> 00:26:26,470
Look out, Crime, here I come!
408
00:27:01,710 --> 00:27:04,390
Morning, Super Mammy!
409
00:27:07,470 --> 00:27:09,909
Shut up, Rory.
410
00:27:09,910 --> 00:27:12,189
I feel like you're walking
on my eyeballs.
411
00:27:12,190 --> 00:27:14,350
HE LAUGHS
412
00:27:16,190 --> 00:27:17,749
You sound happy.
413
00:27:17,750 --> 00:27:19,429
I am. I spoke to the boss
414
00:27:19,430 --> 00:27:23,309
and he's going to have
me and Dino as joint managers.
415
00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:24,709
That's nice.
416
00:27:24,710 --> 00:27:27,869
Well, I hope you're proud of
yourself. Stop, Cathy, please.
417
00:27:27,870 --> 00:27:29,429
I'm sorry, OK?
418
00:27:29,430 --> 00:27:32,109
I suppose he never
wants to see you again.
419
00:27:32,110 --> 00:27:36,789
On the contrary, he was delighted
with your "performance".
420
00:27:36,790 --> 00:27:39,949
I am seeing him again, and you ARE
going to help with his book.
421
00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:42,349
No, I don't want... Mammy!
422
00:27:42,350 --> 00:27:43,909
Fine.
423
00:27:43,910 --> 00:27:46,069
Tea, Cathy?
424
00:27:46,070 --> 00:27:47,469
Oh, thanks, Rory.
425
00:27:47,470 --> 00:27:49,749
Oh, no, we're short of milk.
426
00:27:49,750 --> 00:27:53,869
Mammy, would you fly down
to the shops and get some?
427
00:27:53,870 --> 00:27:56,310
CATHY HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER
428
00:28:04,710 --> 00:28:07,069
Well, that's the story this week.
429
00:28:07,070 --> 00:28:10,189
You know, families can be...
430
00:28:10,190 --> 00:28:12,309
They can be, you know...
431
00:28:12,310 --> 00:28:13,990
Good night.
432
00:28:16,030 --> 00:28:17,189
# Say hello
433
00:28:17,190 --> 00:28:22,149
# To the Queen of Dublin town
434
00:28:22,150 --> 00:28:24,189
# As the best mum of all
435
00:28:24,190 --> 00:28:28,069
# She wears the crown
436
00:28:28,070 --> 00:28:30,669
# Mother hen watching all her chicks
437
00:28:30,670 --> 00:28:34,109
# Sassy old lady full of tricks
438
00:28:34,110 --> 00:28:40,349
# It's a safe bet
She'd never let life get her down
439
00:28:40,350 --> 00:28:42,869
# She's Mrs Brown
440
00:28:42,870 --> 00:28:45,589
# That's Mrs Brown
441
00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:47,990
# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
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