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Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
2
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:20,419
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
3
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:23,339
# That's Mrs Brown
4
00:00:23,340 --> 00:00:26,020
# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
5
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,502
Hello!
Well, it's all baby fever today.
6
00:00:33,708 --> 00:00:35,387
What? Not you. Shut up!
7
00:00:35,434 --> 00:00:39,913
Dermot and Maria... they're going
for their first prenatal classes.
8
00:00:39,946 --> 00:00:43,466
Pre what? Nothing! Shut up!
Here! Do your jigsaw.
9
00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:49,420
It's a chicken.
10
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:54,699
Where was I?
Oh, yes... prenatal classes!
11
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,259
No prenatal classes in MY day.
You must be joking!
12
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,260
If I asked the doctor,
was there anything
13
00:00:59,261 --> 00:01:00,754
I needed to know
before the birth?
14
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:04,324
He'd tell me where to get the bus
to the maternity hospital.
15
00:01:04,361 --> 00:01:07,855
Good morning, Mammy! Good morning,
Cathy. How are you, love? Fine.
16
00:01:10,106 --> 00:01:14,185
I'm sorry the boyfriend turned out
to be married. It must be upsetting.
17
00:01:14,233 --> 00:01:15,992
Not at all, Mammy. I'm over that.
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00:01:16,055 --> 00:01:19,615
Good. You have to expect that from
men. They're just lying bastards.
19
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:25,059
It's no wonder there's so much strife
in the world... it's run by men.
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00:01:25,060 --> 00:01:27,080
How could anything good
be done, when it's
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00:01:27,081 --> 00:01:29,099
a group of men that
sit in a conference,
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00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:31,379
pretending to listen,
when all they're doing
23
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,897
is trying to think of what THEY will
say next, so they can sound clever.
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00:01:33,936 --> 00:01:35,428
And even then it'll be a lie.
25
00:01:35,487 --> 00:01:37,787
They'd make you sick,
men... and I mean sick!
26
00:01:38,705 --> 00:01:42,069
Vomit inducing, vermin, rat
bastards, every single one of them!
27
00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:48,420
Well, as long as you're over it.
28
00:01:51,248 --> 00:01:52,770
Oh, I AM over it, Mammy.
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00:01:52,865 --> 00:01:55,464
I'm never having anything
to do with men again!
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00:01:56,131 --> 00:01:57,596
How are you, Cathy?
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00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,171
Bastards!
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00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:03,899
Love YOU! ..What did I do on Cathy?
Same as you did
33
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,020
on the rest of the world.
You were born.
34
00:02:07,740 --> 00:02:09,859
Hey, Grandad, what are you at?
35
00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:13,380
He's doing his jigsaw.
Ah, I'm great at jigsaws!
36
00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:16,159
Well, work away, son!
37
00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:18,419
It's a chicken!
38
00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:22,099
Morning, Mrs Brown. Ah, Maria. I
packed all your books into the bag,
39
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,499
and I put one of Cathy's notebooks
in, in case you need to take notes.
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00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:28,128
Thanks very much, Mrs Brown.
Gosh, I'm a bit nervous.
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00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:31,059
Now, there's nothing
to be nervous about.
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00:02:36,869 --> 00:02:39,737
Ah, lovely! What language is that?
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00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,680
No, Winnie, it's a class...
44
00:02:43,681 --> 00:02:45,860
Maria, no, don't bother.
Just go, just go!
45
00:02:47,425 --> 00:02:50,127
Come on, Grandad, let's get
ready for your day trip.
46
00:02:50,176 --> 00:02:51,830
The bus will be here any minute.
47
00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:53,660
You're going to have a lovely day...
48
00:02:53,661 --> 00:02:55,179
14 times around the block.
49
00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:57,299
Is Dermot gone? Yes.
50
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,539
He said he wanted to talk to me!
51
00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:02,820
You were stuck into your jigsaw!
Dermo... Dermo!
52
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:11,579
APPLAUSE
53
00:03:12,423 --> 00:03:14,151
Are they gone?
54
00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:15,899
You just missed them.
55
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:20,299
Ah, I wanted to wish them luck
at their prenatal classes. Too late!
56
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,051
They're so lucky. I'd love a baby!
57
00:03:26,860 --> 00:03:30,020
You wouldn't love a baby
if you had to feckin' have it!
58
00:03:30,907 --> 00:03:33,644
Ah, you soon forget the pain
once you see that baby.
59
00:03:33,676 --> 00:03:36,675
You speak for yourself, Winnie!
I'll never feckin' forget!
60
00:03:36,910 --> 00:03:39,389
Jesus, Dermot Brown
was 13 pounds 7 ounces!
61
00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:44,022
I still wake him up during the night!
"You tore the arse out of me!"
62
00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:51,819
My Sharon was only five pounds!
63
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:54,540
Well, you can't expect
to catch a shark with a worm!
64
00:03:56,860 --> 00:04:00,019
Jesus, Winnie,
you should have seen me on my first!
65
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:03,099
I was lying there,
Redser was holding me hand.
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00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:05,699
SHE GROANS AND YELLS
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00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:08,500
I looked at him. "Ya baldy bastard!"
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00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:13,070
And that was only the conception!
THEY LAUGH
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00:04:17,137 --> 00:04:21,176
Agnes Brown, what would I do
without you to make me laugh?!
70
00:04:21,208 --> 00:04:22,854
Oh, you'd manage.
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00:04:22,901 --> 00:04:25,180
You have a feckin' mirror,
haven't you?
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BABY CRIES
73
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:36,499
Ssssh! Sssssssh!
74
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:38,539
Sssssh!
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00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:41,459
What the hell is going on?!
76
00:04:41,460 --> 00:04:43,819
I'm sorry, Mrs Brown,
did the baby wake you?
77
00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:45,979
Baby?!
78
00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:48,580
Have I been in a feckin' coma?!
79
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:52,499
You were only seven months pregnant
this morning!
80
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,939
What did they do
at the prenatal classes...
81
00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:57,100
use a feckin' plunger?!
82
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:00,939
It's an experimental robot baby.
83
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Show me.
Oh, look! Hello! Coochy-coo!
84
00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:08,699
Mrs Brown, it's a robot.
85
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:12,259
IN ROBOTIC VOICE:
Me-ni-me-ni-me-ni-me!
86
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:14,619
Where did you get that?
At the prenatal classes.
87
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:17,939
They were handing these practice
robot babies out to volunteers.
88
00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,819
It's to give you a feel of what it's
like to have a baby in the house.
89
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:24,120
I could have told you that!
If they cry, you cuddle them.
90
00:05:24,121 --> 00:05:26,419
If they're hungry,
you feed them.
91
00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:29,139
If they shit themselves,
you wipe their arse.
92
00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:31,379
And that goes on for 30 years!
93
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LOUD BANGING
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00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:35,459
GRANDAD: What's going on?!
95
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,099
Make that 90 years.
96
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,600
Nothing!
Go back to sleep, Grandad!
97
00:05:39,601 --> 00:05:42,099
I can't sleep with the
noise that dog's making.
98
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,740
Then, put him out of the bed!
99
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,579
It cried like this at my mother's
tonight. It just wouldn't stop.
100
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:51,499
SHE couldn't even get it to stop!
101
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:54,700
Well, give it to me, let me have
a look. See if I can help. Come on.
102
00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:58,579
Ssh! Now, now, now!
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
103
00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:00,739
Ssh, ssh, sssh! Come on! Ssh!
104
00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:02,859
BABY STOPS CRYING
105
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,939
Mrs Brown, you have the touch!
106
00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:08,939
When you have a litter of your own,
you have to learn SOMETHING.
107
00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:11,139
Is that the basket?
108
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:13,160
Yes. I'll put him down,
you go on to bed.
109
00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:15,179
But then, I don't
learn anything, do I?
110
00:06:15,180 --> 00:06:17,740
You learn what it's like to
have a granny in the house.
111
00:06:17,741 --> 00:06:20,299
Go on, go get some sleep.
112
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,699
Thank you.
113
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,780
Now, come on.
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00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:30,298
SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY
115
00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:34,140
So YOU'RE going to teach Maria,
are you?
116
00:06:35,705 --> 00:06:38,555
Will you teach her
that every baby is different?
117
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,725
Will you teach her how important
it is to be a wife AND a mother,
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00:06:42,789 --> 00:06:45,308
and not treat either one
as more important?
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00:06:45,371 --> 00:06:47,331
I don't think so.
120
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,500
I know some things.
121
00:06:52,531 --> 00:06:54,361
I'll tell you what I DON'T know.
122
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,611
I don't know how I'm going to get these
fuckin' batteries back into you!
123
00:07:04,171 --> 00:07:06,450
Make that two, Mr Foley.
124
00:07:06,623 --> 00:07:08,983
How are you?
Sorry I missed you yesterday.
125
00:07:09,141 --> 00:07:11,499
So, what's the story?
I need to find somewhere to live.
126
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,779
It's getting close to the baby coming,
and we can't stay in me ma's.
127
00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:16,619
Thanks, Mr Foley.
128
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:20,859
I know where there's a place.
It's a bit small, only two bedrooms.
129
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:23,739
That's all we need. And has
a little front garden. Lovely!
130
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:26,339
And the rent's only 50 euros
a month. Brilliant!
131
00:07:26,340 --> 00:07:28,580
The only thing is, you'll
have Chinese people
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00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:30,819
living each side of you.
I don't care. Where is it?
133
00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:33,259
Beijing!
134
00:07:33,260 --> 00:07:35,300
Shut up, Buster!
135
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,859
She was the posh one in the family.
Yeah?
136
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,740
Came to stay with
us for a while.
137
00:07:40,741 --> 00:07:42,619
I could hear her next
door, with her husband.
138
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:44,940
"I'm arriving, I'm arriving!"
139
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:50,740
You know what, Agnes?
I could swear I could
140
00:07:50,741 --> 00:07:53,339
hear a baby crying in the
middle of the night.
141
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,979
Has someone on our street
got a new one?
142
00:07:55,980 --> 00:08:00,099
No, Dermot and Maria got a robot one
to practise on. A robot baby?! Mmm.
143
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:04,099
Jesus! When I was pregnant, they
gave me a cabbage to practise on!
144
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:06,473
And then you had Sharon...
the real thing!
145
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:12,360
Agnes, what did your
Redser say when you
146
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,499
told him you were
pregnant on your first?
147
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,139
He said,
"We'd better get married, so!"
148
00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:19,379
That's nice!
149
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:21,899
We were standing outside
Kapiniski's Jewellers.
150
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:24,724
There was a sign in the window said,
"Come in and pick your ring."
151
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:32,579
Where is it? I didn't get one. No? I
told him I wanted a bicycle instead!
152
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:36,099
A bike?! Yeah. There was something
about a bicycle at the time
153
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,739
that felt like freedom.
154
00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:40,299
Something about a ring
that felt like handcuffs.
155
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:45,099
I don't know. I was worth it,
to get Mark. He's an angel!
156
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:49,539
I remember when Sharon was born.
Jacko kept staring at her.
157
00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:51,779
Little red face...
158
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:55,179
Full of wrinkles,
snots and dribbles everywhere.
159
00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:57,940
Aw! What about the baby?
160
00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:01,139
I KNEW you were going to say that!
161
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:04,660
Winnie, everybody feckin' knew
I was going to say that!
162
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:11,499
Mammy, this is Professor
Thomas Clowne, my course lecturer.
163
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:14,259
How do you do, Mrs Brown?
I've heard so much about you!
164
00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:16,059
Winnie McGoogan... Jacko's wife!
165
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:18,340
And Jacko is? Sick. Very sick.
166
00:09:18,341 --> 00:09:20,619
Yeah, not well at all.
He's still in hospital.
167
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:22,060
I'm sorry? Can we join you?
168
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,259
If you're buying a drink.
Oh yes, of course.
169
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:27,299
A pint of cider and a glass of...
Gin and tonic!
170
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,500
It's free!
171
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,819
A gin and tonic for Lady Muck!
172
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:35,020
Ice and lemon as usual?
173
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:39,000
So is THIS one married?
Mammy, it's not like that.
174
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:41,299
He's my lecturer, my mentor!
175
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,619
Jacko had a mentor.
176
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:46,420
Then he got rid of it
and got a Cortina.
177
00:09:50,860 --> 00:09:54,379
Does he take ALL his students out
for a drink after classes?
178
00:09:54,380 --> 00:09:56,459
No. I didn't think so.
179
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:59,900
Mentor, my arse. He just wants
to try his bow on your fiddle.
180
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,579
Mammy, it's not like that.
181
00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:05,179
Thanks, pet.
182
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:08,819
So, how are we all then, eh?
183
00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:12,260
Agnes was just talkin'
about you havin' it off with Cathy.
184
00:10:14,020 --> 00:10:16,579
Sorry. I'll get some ice.
185
00:10:16,580 --> 00:10:18,640
Winnie is a bit drunk.
I'm sure you are
186
00:10:18,641 --> 00:10:20,699
wondering what I'm
doing here with Cathy.
187
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:23,459
No. She's a big girl, it's her life.
188
00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:26,619
You know she's just been dumped...
you know that? Mammy!
189
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:30,619
Actually, I asked Cathy
to bring me here to meet YOU.
190
00:10:30,620 --> 00:10:33,139
To meet me? For what?
Thomas is writing a book.
191
00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,859
Thomas?
What happened to "Professor"?
192
00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:38,899
I like my students
to let their hair down.
193
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:41,580
I like my daughter
to keep her knickers up!
194
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:48,139
Mammy, for God's sake!
195
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:53,459
She doesn't mean that. Well, I mean,
she does I do like to keep them up.
196
00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:56,100
Oh, for God's sake!
I knew this was a bad idea!
197
00:10:57,180 --> 00:10:59,899
So, son, you're writing a book? Yes.
198
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,819
He's writing a book. Well done, son.
199
00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:05,420
It's called
The Place of Woman in Modern Society.
200
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,620
Sounds shite.
201
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:14,419
Needs a better title... like Roots.
202
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,620
Mammy, it's not
that kind of book.
203
00:11:16,621 --> 00:11:18,819
It's a look at how women
have changed over the years.
204
00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:20,760
Jeez, you're right there.
205
00:11:20,761 --> 00:11:22,699
Look at the way Nellie
Flanagan is after changing!
206
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,979
My God, when she was a young girl,
she'd boobies out to here!
207
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,100
She's 69 now, they're down to here.
208
00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:33,900
She has to pull down her knickers
now to scratch her nipples!
209
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:36,939
I warned you!
210
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:42,299
No, Mrs Brown, it's about how women have
changed over generations within society.
211
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,379
I wouldn't know anything
about that.
212
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:47,659
Well, actually, Mrs Brown, I believe
you know more than you think.
213
00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:49,699
I'd love to study you.
214
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:52,620
Would she have to strip?
215
00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:56,179
Sorry.
216
00:11:56,180 --> 00:12:00,299
No, son, that's not the kind
of thing I'm... Mammy?
217
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,499
Can I sleep on it?
Is that all right?
218
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,899
Fantastic. Please do.
219
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:08,099
We were just talking about Maria...
getting close to the birth.
220
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,339
Oh, she'll be glad
when it's all over!
221
00:12:10,340 --> 00:12:11,579
Yeah!
222
00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:14,619
You know, Dr Freud said
that pregnancy and giving birth
223
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:17,219
are the two times
when a woman is truly content.
224
00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:22,019
Dr Freud should shite a bowling ball and
tell us how fuckin' content he feels!
225
00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:25,700
Jacko loves bowling.
226
00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:33,979
Morning, Mrs Brown.
227
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:36,379
Morning, Maria! How are you, love?
228
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,059
I don't know how you do it,
229
00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:42,459
but that robot baby slept right
through the night again last night!
230
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:45,419
You're amazing! It's still asleep!
231
00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:48,259
You giving it back today?
No... this evening.
232
00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:51,219
Dermot's off work today
so it's his turn to mind the baby.
233
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:52,699
That'll be interesting!
234
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,459
Well I'll be here all day,
so you needn't worry.
235
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:58,219
Don't you go doing too much,
he has to learn, too!
236
00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:02,099
Oh, you must have heard the feckin'
kettle boiling!
237
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,779
Well, as you're pouring.
238
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,060
How are you, Maria?
239
00:13:06,061 --> 00:13:08,139
Morning, Mrs McGoogan. How's Sharon?
240
00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:11,539
She's grand. She's trying to lose
a few pounds for her holidays.
241
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:15,299
Oh, God that's not easy for her
she has an over active er.
242
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:17,340
Thyroid?
Knife and fork!
243
00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:21,859
I didn't hear your robot baby
last night Maria,
244
00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:23,619
bet you're getting the hang of it.
245
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,779
Well, I can't take all the credit.
Mrs Brown has been wonderful!
246
00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:28,220
Oh!
247
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:32,339
When you think of it Agnes I was
just as well they gave me
248
00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:33,780
a cabbage to practice on.
249
00:13:33,781 --> 00:13:36,459
I mean, what could you learn
from a robot baby?
250
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:38,739
Lots of stuff.
Like how to feed it.
251
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:43,260
Jesus! I wouldn't let anything
near my boobies that had batteries!!
252
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:49,059
Well then.
How to treat minor ailments
253
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,140
like nappy rash!
254
00:13:50,141 --> 00:13:53,099
Spit on a dock leaf
and put it on it.
255
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,939
No, that's nettle sting.
256
00:13:54,940 --> 00:13:57,619
It is not.
It IS. It's nettle sting!
257
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:59,819
Oh, I used it for nappy rash.
258
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:03,739
Can't you just see Sharon
running around the playground with
259
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:06,100
her arse like a Caesar salad!
260
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,099
So what else do you use
dock leaves for?
261
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,979
Telling the weather.
The weather?
262
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:16,139
Tie them in a bunch, hang them
in your garden and every day
263
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:19,899
go out and feel them.
If they're wet... it's raining.
264
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:24,259
I'm going to try that.
I'm gonna do it right now.
265
00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:28,019
Good girl! If you can't get dock leaves
you get the same result with lettuce.
266
00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:29,860
Lettuce... thanks, Agnes!
267
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,499
Mrs Brown, you're terrible!
268
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,460
Ah, it'll keep her feckin' busy!
269
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:38,500
Right, then.
Oh, and before I forget...
270
00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:41,739
the IT man will be here this
afternoon to check on the robot baby.
271
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,899
Will you make sure Dermot's
here for that?
272
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:47,579
I will. And don't you be worrying!
I'd better get moving. see ya!
273
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:48,859
See ya, love!
274
00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:52,779
See you later, love.
Are you sure you'll be all right?
275
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:54,859
I'll be grand. Fine.
276
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:57,419
It's still asleep.
277
00:14:57,420 --> 00:15:01,779
Amazing! I hope we're as lucky
with the real thing! I doubt it!
278
00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:04,219
You never know son, you might be!
Nah, Mammy.
279
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:08,020
You won't be able to take
the batteries out of the real thing!
280
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,499
Where are they?
281
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,059
Here. Mammy,
you can't cheat at this.
282
00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:18,419
The IT fella's coming today and he
plugs the baby into a computer
283
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:22,739
and the computer can tell everything,
if it was fed, when it was changed.
284
00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:23,979
Jesus Christ!
285
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:26,120
Don't worry, I'll
just say they slipped
286
00:15:26,121 --> 00:15:28,259
out when I was changing
it, or something.
287
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,020
BABY WHIRS
288
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:35,699
It's just re... booting...
it'll take a few minutes!
289
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:39,500
Do you want a cup of tea?
Yeah. While we can!
290
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,380
Grandad! Grandad!
There's tea down here!
291
00:15:46,460 --> 00:15:49,939
Must be strange having
a baby in the house again!
292
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,939
No. It never leaves you.
293
00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:54,160
I still wake up some
nights thinking I can
294
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,379
hear one of you's crying.
Did I cry a lot?
295
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:58,499
I can't remember, son.
296
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,019
You remember
different things about each of yous.
297
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:04,819
I remember Mark was born
with a big head of curly black hair.
298
00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:07,379
And Rory, Rory was the easiest birth
299
00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,979
and Rory was so cute
so feckin' cute!
300
00:16:09,980 --> 00:16:13,339
And me was I curly? Was I cute?
301
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,059
No, son.
302
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:17,379
You were forceps,
by the time I got to you,
303
00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:19,420
your face was like
an aardvark's arse.
304
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:25,419
And you weren't curly, you had
hair from head to toe!
305
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:29,460
I think the nurses thought
I was after feckin' knitting you.
306
00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:33,339
But you had those eyes.
307
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:34,899
Blue, blue eyes.
308
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:38,379
Oh, full of mischief, but beautiful.
309
00:16:38,380 --> 00:16:40,179
BABY CRIES
310
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:43,739
There's that baby.
It must be re-booting itself.
311
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:46,620
It's usually louder than that.
I'll get it.
312
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,580
Grandad! What are you feckin'
sitting' on?
313
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,340
Am I pregnant?
314
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:10,619
That leg is crooked.
315
00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:13,299
Don't worry about it,
he'll grow out of it.
316
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,419
Mammy the IT man'll be here in ten
minutes, that glue won't set.
317
00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:18,860
You just go and get ready.
Leave this to me!
318
00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:24,700
Wait a minute! I've a feckin' idea!
319
00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:31,459
Thank you for the lift home, Thomas.
Pleasure!
320
00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:32,660
Smoked trout.
321
00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:38,859
It'll be dry in no time!
322
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:41,099
Is she here?
I don't know, Thomas.
323
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,459
You see, she said she'd sleep on it.
324
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:46,059
Mammy! The professor is here.
325
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:47,779
Oh, shit!
326
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:49,260
Sit down, Thomas.
327
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:56,699
Hello. What do you want? I was just
wondering, did you sleep on it?
328
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,779
No, Grandad sat on it.
It was nothing to do with me!
329
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:01,379
I swear I never touched it!
330
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,499
What? What? What? What?
331
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,299
Wait. What was your what for?
My what? Yes!
332
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:09,219
Professor Clowne wants to know did
you make up your mind about his book?
333
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:11,699
Wait, the what? What?
What was your what?
334
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,139
I didn't what. You did.
335
00:18:13,140 --> 00:18:16,100
Your what was after my what before you
asked Cathy what her what was for.
336
00:18:16,101 --> 00:18:18,619
What?
I haven't feckin' time for this!
337
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:20,260
I've something in the oven.
338
00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:23,860
Sit down, Thomas.
339
00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:33,659
Thanks very much for calling,
do call again.
340
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:37,059
Mammy! What? Thomas knows
you're busy.
341
00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:40,339
Sit down, Thomas. He just wants
to tell you what might be involved.
342
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:43,779
Fine. There'll be a question and
answer session. That's nice.
343
00:18:43,780 --> 00:18:46,220
And then one or two tests.
That's nice. Mammy!
344
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,580
That's nice!
345
00:18:50,220 --> 00:18:51,739
Hiya love!
346
00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:54,139
Maria, what are you doing here?
347
00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:56,299
I live here. Well, for now anyway!
348
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,099
I know, but you're early!
349
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,939
Yeah. When I told the ward nurse
what was happening today
350
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,899
she let me go early! Will someone
tell me what is happening?
351
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:06,779
I'm sorry. Maria, this
is my lecturer Professor Clowne!
352
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,819
He's here to interview Mammy,
about motherhood, funny enough.
353
00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:12,619
Well you are talking to the right
woman, Professor.
354
00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,340
Mrs Brown is an amazing mother!
355
00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:23,819
I have never seen anyone
better with babies.
356
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:25,899
Don't build her up too much.
357
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:27,619
DOOR BELL RINGS
358
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:29,460
Maria, get that!
359
00:19:31,180 --> 00:19:32,340
What's happening?
360
00:19:32,341 --> 00:19:35,100
Nearly there, nearly there!
361
00:19:36,580 --> 00:19:39,579
This is Mr Donnellan, the IT Man
from the pre-natal classes.
362
00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:41,699
Hello. Hello.
Where's the baby?
363
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:43,299
In the kitchen with Mammy.
364
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,739
Do you want to do it in the kitchen?
365
00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:46,780
Here's fine.
366
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,059
Dermot, get the baby.
367
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,699
Get the baby?
368
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:56,739
Yes. The baby, get it!
369
00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:58,140
Mammy, they want the baby.
370
00:19:58,141 --> 00:20:00,579
Coming, coming!
371
00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:02,620
It's coming!
372
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:08,700
Now, there we go!
373
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:16,660
He has a bit of a temperature...
374
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,020
and a headache.
375
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:36,300
Maria, I'm really, really sorry.
376
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:40,659
Will you stop apologising,
Mrs Brown? It was an accident.
377
00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:44,299
You were trying to fix it,
that's all. Exactly.
378
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:46,939
I know you wouldn't put a real
child in the oven.
379
00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:48,580
Not by accident.
380
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,779
You're taking it very well.
Do you think so?
381
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:55,899
Yes.
Just happy, I suppose.
382
00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:59,299
Good. Thanks for coming to the bingo
with me. I do love the company.
383
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,699
Ah, I had a great time.
384
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:03,379
Here, did you see that one
sitting in front of us?
385
00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:06,299
Ah, you couldn't miss her.
Big bushy red hair, buck teeth.
386
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:08,019
Looks like she could eat an apple
387
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:11,339
through a feckin' tennis racket.
What about her?
388
00:21:11,340 --> 00:21:14,939
She wins something EVERY Wednesday.
Every feckin' Wednesday! Does she?
389
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,059
Mm!
390
00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:18,219
Winnie says she rides a motorbike.
391
00:21:18,220 --> 00:21:20,780
I don't think
that's all she's riding.
392
00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:26,139
You still a bit crampy, love?
Yeah.
393
00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:28,579
It wouldn't be labour,
would it, Mrs Brown?
394
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,939
Labour? Jesus, no!
What are you now, 32 weeks?
395
00:21:30,940 --> 00:21:31,979
Yeah.
396
00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:34,819
No, baby might come early but not
eight weeks early.
397
00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:38,219
No, it's just wind. And when it
goes, you'll know about it.
398
00:21:38,220 --> 00:21:40,339
I let one go when I was pregnant.
399
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,820
Me tights went up like
a feckin' balloon!
400
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:47,259
I'm looking forward to having
a baby around the house.
401
00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:48,540
Babies.
402
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:51,499
You what?
403
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:54,499
I have to have a scan on Wednesday.
Another scan? For what?
404
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,139
Dr Gibney thinks
that it might be twins.
405
00:21:57,140 --> 00:21:58,260
Feckin' twins?!
406
00:21:58,261 --> 00:21:59,859
Shh! Shh!
407
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:01,339
Please, Mrs Brown!
408
00:22:01,340 --> 00:22:03,419
Zip, zip!
409
00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:06,339
I haven't told anyone yet
and I don't want to until I'm sure.
410
00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:07,540
You've told no-one?
411
00:22:07,541 --> 00:22:09,620
No. Except you.
412
00:22:14,820 --> 00:22:17,859
Well, in fairness, I think
we should tell Dermot.
413
00:22:17,860 --> 00:22:19,259
You're right, I will.
414
00:22:19,260 --> 00:22:23,499
I know so little about having
babies, or rearing them.
415
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:25,819
We're all the same
on our first, love.
416
00:22:25,820 --> 00:22:28,619
You find out about having
them quick enough.
417
00:22:28,620 --> 00:22:31,380
And as for rearing' them,
I'm still feckin' learning.
418
00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:35,939
SHE LAUGHS
419
00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:37,340
What are you giggling at?
420
00:22:37,341 --> 00:22:39,979
I'm just thinking about
the innocence of it all.
421
00:22:39,980 --> 00:22:41,940
What are we like?
See me on my first?
422
00:22:41,941 --> 00:22:44,699
I went to the doctor
for me first visit.
423
00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:48,419
He told me to bring
a sample with me.
424
00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:50,660
I brought a feckin'
milk bottle full!
425
00:22:52,660 --> 00:22:55,899
I'm sure the poor man thought
there was a horse outside
426
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:58,179
waiting to see him.
427
00:22:58,180 --> 00:23:00,460
He told me to take the sample
mid stream.
428
00:23:01,620 --> 00:23:03,899
If you'd seen me in the wellies
429
00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:06,979
in the middle of
that feckin' stream?!
430
00:23:06,980 --> 00:23:09,980
And all the fishermen
were just staring at me.
431
00:23:12,220 --> 00:23:15,140
I just went, "Don't mind me,
I'm pregnant!"
432
00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:18,579
Oh, my God!
433
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:22,699
So the doctor finishes his
examination and I put me clothes on
434
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:26,179
and he says "Now, Mrs Brown.
Have you any questions?"
435
00:23:26,180 --> 00:23:27,739
"Yes," I said. "I have."
436
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,139
Says I, "What position will
I be in having this?"
437
00:23:31,140 --> 00:23:33,459
And he said,
438
00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:36,739
"The same position as you were
when you conceived it!"
439
00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:40,099
Oh, for two weeks I thought I was
going to have to stick me legs
440
00:23:40,100 --> 00:23:41,980
out the feckin' car window again!
441
00:23:49,180 --> 00:23:50,580
Beep, beep!
442
00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:53,379
Mind your horn, you!
443
00:23:53,380 --> 00:23:55,699
THEY GIGGLE
444
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,579
Someone's having a good night.
445
00:23:58,580 --> 00:24:01,099
Just girl talk.
446
00:24:01,100 --> 00:24:02,899
That's all, just girl talk.
447
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,539
MRS BROWN CHUCKLES
448
00:24:04,540 --> 00:24:07,500
We were just talking about
your father's driving test.
449
00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:11,660
He failed, he failed!
450
00:24:13,220 --> 00:24:16,419
Oh, don't feckin' start me off!
451
00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:18,740
SHE CACKLES
452
00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:26,740
SHE LAUGHS
453
00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:32,380
Oh, Jeez! I'm after wetting meself!
454
00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:36,140
Oh!
455
00:24:39,940 --> 00:24:41,899
Oh, God! Look!
456
00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:45,299
Stop it, stop it.
I think I'll make a drop of tea.
457
00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:47,899
Give you's a minute on your own.
458
00:24:47,900 --> 00:24:49,820
Hee-hee-hee!
459
00:24:52,660 --> 00:24:55,379
Dermot, Maria has something
she wants to tell you.
460
00:24:55,380 --> 00:24:57,419
A bit of news?
461
00:24:57,420 --> 00:24:59,340
As the hurricane said
to the palm tree,
462
00:24:59,341 --> 00:25:02,460
"Hang on to your nuts, baby.
This ain't no ordinary blow job!"
463
00:25:05,740 --> 00:25:08,099
And here, you.
464
00:25:08,100 --> 00:25:10,019
Son, you mind her.
465
00:25:10,020 --> 00:25:11,259
Why?
466
00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:13,100
Just feckin' mind her!
467
00:25:14,540 --> 00:25:17,259
I'll get you one of them
for Christmas!
468
00:25:17,260 --> 00:25:19,220
SHE GIGGLES
469
00:25:22,780 --> 00:25:26,419
Well, I have to have another scan.
470
00:25:26,420 --> 00:25:28,739
Not a problem.
I'll get some time off work.
471
00:25:28,740 --> 00:25:30,819
Let her feckin' finish!
472
00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:32,780
OK, sorry.
473
00:25:33,940 --> 00:25:36,659
It's just... Well, Dr Gibney
thinks it might be twins.
474
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:38,099
Jesus! Twins!
475
00:25:38,100 --> 00:25:40,619
Two babies!
476
00:25:40,620 --> 00:25:41,900
Usually, yes(!)
477
00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:46,139
Twins!
Yeah, I know.
478
00:25:46,140 --> 00:25:48,300
Batman and Robin!
479
00:25:49,660 --> 00:25:52,300
We're not going to call them
that, are we?
480
00:25:54,060 --> 00:25:55,100
Of course not.
481
00:25:57,460 --> 00:26:00,420
Dermot, I love you.
482
00:26:02,940 --> 00:26:04,899
More pre-natal classes tomorrow.
483
00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:06,419
Yeah!
484
00:26:06,420 --> 00:26:09,099
Are you nervous?
Not really.
485
00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:10,979
Are you?
486
00:26:10,980 --> 00:26:12,220
A bit.
487
00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:15,820
It's all starting to become
a little bit real.
488
00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:19,699
Oh!
489
00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:22,379
I can feel a heel sticking out.
490
00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:24,340
That's a bingo pen.
491
00:26:27,940 --> 00:26:29,620
Oh. Must be a girl, so!
492
00:26:32,860 --> 00:26:33,980
Oh, and Dermot?
493
00:26:33,981 --> 00:26:37,219
I don't want anybody else to know,
OK? Not until I'm sure.
494
00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:39,699
OK, sure.
495
00:26:39,700 --> 00:26:42,499
CHEERING
496
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:43,820
Mammy told us!
497
00:26:46,060 --> 00:26:47,619
How do you do that?
498
00:26:47,620 --> 00:26:50,059
SHE GIGGLES
499
00:26:50,060 --> 00:26:52,259
TOILET FLUSHING
500
00:26:52,260 --> 00:26:54,059
What's going on?
501
00:26:54,060 --> 00:26:55,259
Twins!
502
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:57,179
Nah, but it felt like it.
503
00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:59,740
ALL: Twins!
504
00:27:06,180 --> 00:27:08,499
So there you have it.
505
00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:11,899
That's life with children.
Sometimes you wish you had more
506
00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:15,100
and sometimes you wish
you'd kept your knees together.
507
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:20,659
You know, somebody said it takes
a village to rear a child.
508
00:27:20,660 --> 00:27:22,659
I don't know about that,
509
00:27:22,660 --> 00:27:24,699
but I do know it takes a family.
510
00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:26,179
GROANING
511
00:27:26,180 --> 00:27:28,940
Shut up, Grandad!
You're not pregnant!
512
00:27:30,180 --> 00:27:32,339
I mean, take Grandad for instance.
513
00:27:32,340 --> 00:27:35,139
I don't know how I would've coped
without him,
514
00:27:35,140 --> 00:27:37,739
in the early days when the children
were younger.
515
00:27:37,740 --> 00:27:41,059
Two, three times a week, he'd call
over and take them for a walk.
516
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,140
And children
don't forget that, never.
517
00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:51,019
To this day, all my children love
a walk to the bookie shop.
518
00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:52,699
Come on, Grandad.
519
00:27:52,700 --> 00:27:56,139
Let's get you up to your bath
and your bed.
520
00:27:56,140 --> 00:27:59,819
Come on. Don't forget
to brush your teeth.
521
00:27:59,820 --> 00:28:01,459
They're in your pocket.
522
00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:03,500
SHE GIGGLES
523
00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:07,220
Good night!
40172
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