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1
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:04,360
Grandad wants to hear
all the nice things
2
00:00:04,401 --> 00:00:06,359
said about him.
At his own funeral?!
3
00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:10,580
I suggested we have a
pretend funeral and let
4
00:00:10,581 --> 00:00:14,299
Grandad hear them.
We better ask the corpse.
5
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,719
Grandad, how would you like
to die on Friday?
6
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,559
Friday is grand!
7
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,439
Friday it is, then!
8
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,159
Hi, Grandad!
9
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,439
Don't talk to him.
He's fuckin' dead!
10
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,519
What's this?
It's Grandad's death certificate.
11
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,319
You don't need a death certificate.
Oh, yes, I do!
12
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,039
He's due 15,000 euro from his union
the day he dies.
13
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:40,599
He's retired 15 years. I'm flipped
if I'm waiting any longer!
14
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,559
Now let us
take a moment to remember him.
15
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,880
Would anybody like to say
a word in his memory?
16
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,519
OK, then!
17
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,479
GASPS
18
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,719
Has nobody got anything good to say?
19
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,559
He's... he's not dead!
20
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,159
No, he's not! He's alive.
Oh, my God... it's a miracle!
21
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,000
It's a miracle, Father!
22
00:01:14,225 --> 00:01:16,225
Sync and corrected by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:20,039
'Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!'
24
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,439
# She's Mrs Brown
25
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,839
# That's Mrs Brown
26
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,079
# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
27
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,079
APPLAUSE
28
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,879
Winnie, put the kettle on.
I just want to do Grandad's feet!
29
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,799
Hello! I'll be with you
in a couple of minutes.
30
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,079
Grandad,
are you ready for your pedicure?
31
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:41,759
Ah, good man. Give me a second.
32
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,079
Well, no sign of a flat
yet for Dermot and Maria,
33
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,439
but they are looking.
34
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,279
Agnes, can I ask a stupid question?
35
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,919
Better than anyone else I know!
36
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,719
Why do crabs walk sideways?
37
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:55,960
So they can do their song!
38
00:01:55,961 --> 00:01:56,999
What?
39
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,560
# Oh, I do like to
be beside the seaside! #
40
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,679
Ah, right!
41
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,280
Well, you can't blame Dermot and
Maria for wanting to move out.
42
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,080
Foot!
43
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,799
NAILS SHOOT LIKE BULLETS
44
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,919
I love The Blue Planet.
45
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,639
I'm sure it loves you right back!
46
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,759
No, the programme, on the telly.
47
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:31,839
Oh, right!
48
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,399
Did you know penguins mate for life?
49
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,480
Of course they do.
They all look the same!
50
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,880
They're hardly going to leave
for a feckin' better looking one!
51
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,559
I suppose.
52
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:50,319
It would be nice if Trevor
could stay for the big event.
53
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:54,279
Oh, I never told you.
The big event! Maria's pregnant!
54
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,839
It's so feckin' exciting!
55
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,159
How's Sharon, Winnie?
56
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,199
Don't ask...
57
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,280
Why? What's up?
58
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:04,679
She has no boyfriend. What happened?
They wanted different things.
59
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,620
Sharon wanted the big
white wedding dress
60
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,559
and the honeymoon
in the Carrabini.
61
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,160
And what did he want?
He wanted to break up.
62
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,760
Well, that is feckin' different.
63
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,679
Oh, I better go. Get her up!
64
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,759
I'll call in later.
65
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:23,399
Oh, me life will be empty till then!
66
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,559
Morning, Mammy!
67
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,839
Hiya, Cathy. How's your Dick?
68
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,520
It's Mick!
69
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:36,039
And how are things there? Grand
thanks, Winnie. How's Sharon?
70
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,999
Not great. Jeez, better go,
she'll be late!
71
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,599
I'll call over her later
and see if she's OK!
72
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,959
Who's the letter from?
73
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,479
The insurance company...
about Grandad's insurance!
74
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,399
They say they want to investigate
his death. Why would that be?
75
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:54,639
Let me think...
Maybe because he's not dead!
76
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,159
Well, I blame Grandad.
77
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,199
I told him,
"Stop collecting your pension."
78
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,159
But would he listen? No!
79
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:06,759
This is serious, Mammy.
They're alleging fraud.
80
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,519
You could go to prison!
81
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,800
PSYCHO VIOLIN SCREECH
82
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,320
Piss off!
83
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,479
I better go.
84
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,360
Don't touch me. Dead man walking!
85
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,119
WASP BUZZES
86
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,839
Grandad, now, remember,
if anyone calls, you're dead!
87
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,479
OK!
88
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,760
WASP BUZZES
89
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,839
Winnie? Yes, Agnes?
90
00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:58,920
Give us me flapper.
91
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,440
BUZZING STOPS
92
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,639
I'm dead!
93
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,760
Don't feckin' move!
94
00:05:14,761 --> 00:05:17,319
Aarrgh!
95
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,039
Fastest flapper in the west!
96
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,000
Good shot, Agnes!
Ah, thanks, Winnie.
97
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:23,399
Ah, Jesus,
you should clean this thing, Agnes.
98
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,479
I tried, Winnie.
You can't get it off!
99
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,639
I'm sure I have stuff
that would clean this.
100
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,079
One of the products
they sent me to test!
101
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,160
I'll do it right now!
102
00:05:31,161 --> 00:05:33,279
Thanks very much, Winnie!
DOORBELL RINGS
103
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,639
Cathy, Cathy!
Get that door will you please!
104
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,399
Ah, Mammy, I'm doing me make up!
105
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,319
It might be the insurance man
and I have to prepare Grandad.
106
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,039
Come on, Grandad!
107
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,319
Get down!
108
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,839
Oh, for God's sake, Mammy!
109
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,840
He's supposed to be feckin' dead!
110
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,119
Oh, it's YOU.
111
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,479
Jesus, Cathy, what happened to you?
112
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,039
Shut up, Buster Brady.
I'm getting ready for a date.
113
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,079
With who? The Lone Ranger?
Oh, get stuffed!
114
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,040
Hello, Mrs Brown.
115
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,279
Hello, Grandad!
116
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,999
I'm dead!
117
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,879
Is Dermo here?
118
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,119
No. Did you not get your insurance
money yet, Mrs Brown?
119
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,239
Not yet.
120
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,039
Oh, lovely. Two sugars please.
121
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,319
Don't be feckin' cheeky!
And what are you doing here anyway?
122
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,839
We haven't seen you
since the Christmas party!
123
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:35,839
I just popped around to say hello.
124
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,880
Well, you've said it. Now shag off.
125
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,159
I mean it, Buster Brady.
126
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,519
Every time your name comes up,
Maria gets upset
127
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,360
and I don't want her upset. Not now.
128
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,479
If she walks in
and sees you sitting there,
129
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,320
she'll go through the feckin' roof.
130
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,280
Oh, shite.
131
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,320
How are you, Maria?
132
00:06:57,321 --> 00:06:58,800
Don't feckin' wave!
133
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,120
Are you pregnant, Maria?
134
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,879
No, Buster, it's a cyst!
135
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:06,959
A cyst?
136
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,639
Yes, a cyst.
A big lump of useless fatty tissue.
137
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,280
Ah yeah, my Ma had one of them.
138
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,200
Yes, she feckin' did!
139
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,479
Will you have a cuppa tea, love?
140
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,839
Oh, I'd love one...
and a biscuit or something.
141
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,599
And a biscuit. Thanks, Mrs Brown.
142
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,440
Maria, I wish you'd stop
calling me Mrs Brown. It's Agnes!
143
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,480
I'll have a biscuit, Agnes.
144
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,079
It's Mrs Brown to you!
And ask properly.
145
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,599
Sorry. May I have a biscuit please,
Mrs Brown.
146
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,800
That's better. Thanks. No!
147
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,999
Are you not talking to me, Maria?
148
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,319
Are you upset about the little incident
at the Christmas party? LITTLE incident?
149
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,199
You stole my mother's handbag.
150
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,479
I made a mistake, that's all.
151
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:05,800
What, you robbed it by accident?
Well, no, I didn't know it was hers.
152
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,599
All right, listen, I'm off.
Will you tell Dermo I called?
153
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,759
No. No.
154
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,480
Well, I'll just call round
and see him tomorrow so, see yis.
155
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,999
Maybe I was a little hard on him.
156
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,719
Do you think does he still steal?
157
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,120
Are you kidding me?
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
158
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,720
Well, he would
if there was a bear chasing him.
159
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,720
Thanks, Mrs Brown. You're welcome.
DOORBELL RINGS
160
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,919
Maria, get that door!
161
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:44,639
Grandad! Oh, Jesus Christ!
OK. Plan B!
162
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:45,920
Code red! Code red!
163
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,920
Hold on, Maria!
164
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,280
Go!
165
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,479
Hi, Mum!
166
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,080
Come in!
167
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,879
So what are you doing here?
168
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,960
I just picked up
the most beautiful mater...
169
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,839
nity dress!
170
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,359
I just couldn't resist it.
I wanted you to try it on.
171
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,319
Ah, thanks, Mum...
I'll try it on now.
172
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,599
Mrs Brown, it's my mother!
173
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,439
Hello, Hillary, how are you?
174
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,239
Sore shoulder from the tennis.
And you?
175
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,960
Oh, itchy crotch from the golf!
176
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,399
Oh, well a new baby's
so exciting, isn't it, Agnes?
177
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,639
Well, yes, it is but the excitement
wears off after six.
178
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,599
I don't even think I went
into hospital for the last one.
179
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,319
I just dropped it. Badump!
180
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:07,320
"Oh, look there's a baby.
Put it in the pram!"
181
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,520
Great fashion eye, Mrs Nicholson.
It looks well on her!
182
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,999
It's lovely, Mum, thank you.
183
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,719
Cuppa tea, Maria?
184
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,159
Sure. Tea, Mum?
185
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,039
No, thanks, I'm off.
I'm playing golf in an hour.
186
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,640
Oh, watch out for the...
187
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,119
OK, I'll see you tomorrow,
I'll call over after work!
188
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,279
You were right, Agnes,
even my stuff didn't clean it!
189
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,919
Ah, hello, Mrs Nicholson.
190
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,359
Hello, I'm just going.
Oh, here, Mrs Nicholson,
191
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,440
how do YOU clean the dead
flies off YOUR flapper?
192
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,599
What?!
193
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:50,519
I'll try bleach Agnes.
I'll dip your flapper in bleach!
194
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,999
BLEACH? I must be off...
195
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,359
It's such an exciting time,
childbirth!
196
00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,279
Well, I've been excited six times!
197
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,119
I only had Maria,
but it was such a wonderful time.
198
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,759
Jonathan was so generous.
That's nice.
199
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:09,039
When he found out I was pregnant
he bought me this diamond ring.
200
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,319
That's nice!
201
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,679
And then when I was
five months pregnant
202
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,759
he took me away for the weekend
to Paris!
203
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,799
That's France!
204
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,079
That's nice.
205
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,519
And THEN when Maria was born,
he bought me a Mercedes Benz!
206
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:23,759
That's nice.
207
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,799
What did your husband buy for you?
208
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,759
He got me elocution lessons!
209
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:31,319
(LAUGHS) Didn't really work,
did they?
210
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,999
Actually, they did!
211
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,239
I used to say "Fuck off"...
212
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,480
but now I say, "That's nice."
213
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:48,640
Yes, I understand.
Yes, I'll tell her that.
214
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,079
I'll pass that on, goodbye.
215
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,519
Who was that?
216
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,799
A Mr Rooney. Claims adjuster
from Celtic Life Insurance.
217
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,079
Oh. What did HE want? He wants to
interview you. He's coming today!
218
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,079
I sent them the death certificate.
That's all that matters!
219
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,279
And HE knows he's dead,
don't you Grandad?
220
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:07,439
What?
221
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,759
You... dead!
222
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,839
Yeah... dead!
223
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:14,039
Mammy, look, this is really serious.
You're not going to get paid.
224
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,879
Grandad is NOT dead!
That's just a technicality!
225
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,279
It says Cadbury's Chocolate
on the side of buses
226
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,480
and they don't sell it!
227
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,079
I promised the money
to Maria and Dermot
228
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,399
to get them
started in a place of their own.
229
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,719
Well, you'll have to unpromise
them, then. No.
230
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,559
Mammy, never mind the money,
you could go to prison for fraud!
231
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,439
You're being ridiculous now, son!
232
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,760
I hope you're right!
233
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,719
Hi, there!
234
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,399
Hello, Maria. How was work?
235
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:46,879
Don't talk to me. I've never seen
A&E so busy! Hiya, Trevor.
236
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,759
Any word about going back
on the missions? Nothing yet.
237
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,079
Now we don't need to be
talking about that now.
238
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,239
Let's just thank God you're home.
239
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,519
I'll make you a sandwich, Maria.
No, I'm grand.
240
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,199
I've got some couscous.
Some what what?
241
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,999
Couscous. It's healthy.
242
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,240
Looks shit shit!
243
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:08,080
Don't worry about anything for
Dermot, I have a pesto pasta salad.
244
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,260
I'm after cooking some
Superquinn sausages!
245
00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:14,119
No. The salad's better for him.
246
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,800
He'll have the sausages!
Oh, no, he won't!
247
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,799
I think I know what my son likes!
248
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,159
Well, I think
I know what's good for my husband!
249
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,160
I think I'll just go
and say a few prayers.
250
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,520
Chicken bastard!
251
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,519
Maria, look, I know you're only new
to being a wife,
252
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,719
but I'm cooking
for my children for years.
253
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,559
I know what Dermot likes.
Let's just leave it at that!
254
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,999
No, Mrs Brown,
let's not leave it at that.
255
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,759
What you fed your children
in the past was dictated
256
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,799
by budget and availability
but times have changed.
257
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,040
There's healthier options out
there now than everything fried.
258
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,200
Dermot will have the salad!
259
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,360
Dermot will eat the sausages.
260
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,200
Hello, everybody!!
261
00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:04,359
Hello, son. Come on,
sit down in Mammy's chair.
262
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,799
Thanks, Mammy.
263
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,799
Hiya darling,
I got you a lovely salad.
264
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,999
Yeah! And once you've realised
you're not a white rabbit,
265
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,360
you can have some lovely
Superquinn sausages!
266
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,719
Right then, let's begin.
267
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,999
You have six offspring?
268
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,079
Yes. Five boys and a child.
269
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,280
And this is?
270
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:59,399
That's Gretchen, our exchange
student from Switzerland.
271
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,679
I see. And Grandad is dead?
272
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,719
(SOBS) Why do you keep
bringing it up?!
273
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,319
When did Grandad die?
274
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:10,439
If he'd lived till next Friday, he'd
be dead ten months. And he died of?
275
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,919
A Tuesday. Right.
276
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,719
What is this?
277
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:18,079
It's a toe nail.
It's all we have left of him.
278
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,879
Well, one of the problems
we are having Mrs Brown is
279
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,399
we can find no record
of Grandad dying.
280
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,239
Well, I sent in the death
certificate. Oh, this!
281
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,799
Yes, well, although this IS
the death certificate,
282
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,919
it was never officially registered
283
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,679
at the office of Births,
Marriages And Deaths.
284
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,279
Well, that's not my fault.
285
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,439
And actually,
I put it to you, Mrs Brown,
286
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:44,119
that this strange little girl
is in fact Grandad!
287
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:48,119
No, no that's Gretchen our exchange
student from Switzerland!
288
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,519
Hello, Mrs Brown!
289
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,840
How are you, Grandad?!
290
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,999
You feckin' ejit!
Well, that's that! Fair enough.
291
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,799
Thanks very much for dropping in.
No, hold on Mrs. Brown,
292
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,040
That is NOT that.
293
00:16:03,041 --> 00:16:06,159
My company takes
a very dim view of your actions.
294
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,639
A false insurance claim
is a criminal offence.
295
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,159
I have to caution you,
you may be charged.
296
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,559
How much?
297
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,959
Charged in a court of law,
Mrs Brown.
298
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,440
You could go to prison!
299
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,599
Hold on there, pal. You can't talk
to Mrs Brown like that!
300
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,639
If you knew about this, you
could be charged as an accessory.
301
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,040
You could also go to prison.
302
00:16:27,041 --> 00:16:29,839
Prison?
303
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,879
It was her.
304
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,400
See yas!
305
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,719
(SOBS) Prison?
306
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,560
EASTENDERS DRUM ROLL
307
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,960
You could become some big, butch
woman's bitch!
308
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,040
I beg your pardon, Sharon?
309
00:16:56,041 --> 00:16:59,279
In prison!
You'll have to get a tattoo!
310
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:00,559
Sharon!
311
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,439
Shut up, Sharon!
312
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,759
You are not going to any prison,
Agnes Brown.
313
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,199
Thanks you, Winnie.
314
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,239
But I did check and the number 40
bus stops right outside,
315
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,279
so I'll have no problem visiting.
316
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,839
Well, thanks for the feckin' pep
talk! Will you stop, Winnie?!
317
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,439
Mammy, maybe you should get
a solicitor.
318
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,839
I tried. I called Mr McGocchi
of Hardy, Kunch and McGocchi.
319
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,479
Tom? Tom McGocchi?
320
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,759
Yes.
321
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,079
What did he say?
322
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,760
He's in prison.
323
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,999
I'm off to the toilet, who's coming?
324
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,679
I'll go with you, Winnie.
325
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,839
Are you comin' Sharon? No.
326
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,399
Maybe you should.
With your complaint.
327
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,119
What complaint?
328
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,600
She's anorexic.
329
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,199
Anaemic!
330
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,879
Oh, that's better.
331
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,919
Oh, Sharon,
I'm sorry about the break-up.
332
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,680
It's all right.
Plenty more fish in the sea!
333
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,439
Hiya.
334
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,359
Speaking about prison,
he's only out after 15 years.
335
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,160
What did he do?
He murdered his wife.
336
00:18:04,161 --> 00:18:07,000
He's single!
337
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,960
Well, God help the feckin'
fish in the sea!
338
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,839
Hello, son! Hello, Maria love.
How are you?
339
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:22,119
I'm fine. I heard about the letter.
How are you? I'm OK.
340
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,279
Sharon. How are you, Dermot?
341
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,719
Could we have a quiet word
with me mammy?
342
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,479
Sure.
343
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,600
QUIET!
344
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,520
There you go, Dermot.
345
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,680
Sharon, family business. Feck off!
346
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,719
Mammy, we heard about
the insurance letter.
347
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,360
PSYCHO VIOLIN SCREECH
348
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,200
I said PISS OFF!
349
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:09,680
That sound goes
through me feckin' head!
350
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,239
We heard about
the letter, Mrs Brown.
351
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,479
I wanted to help you's
get a place of our own.
352
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,399
Don't worry about that, Mrs Brown.
353
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,239
We will get a place and actually,
354
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,519
I think we'd prefer to get it
ourselves.
355
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,999
Wouldn't we, Dermot?
356
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,240
Well, yeah, but if the money
was there... Dermot!
357
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,279
Yeah, we would. So don't you be
worrying about us, Mammy.
358
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,320
Let's just get this fraud
thing sorted.
359
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,000
Anyway, with you going to prison
there'll be a lot more room!
360
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,559
It'll probably just blow over.
361
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,039
I'm not sure, son.
Celtic Insurance are a big company,
362
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,759
and that man looked VERY serious!
363
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,839
Celtic Insurance? Yes.
364
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,679
Hmm. They are big.
365
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:58,160
Jaysus, all this just
cos Grandad is still alive!
366
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:18,880
Grandad!
367
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,759
I have some chocolate
eclairs for you!
368
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,679
No.
369
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,559
Come on, lovely chocolate eclairs.
You know you love them!
370
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,839
Come on, follow me
into chocolate eclair land!
371
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,000
Ooh, I'm going to
chocolate eclair land!
372
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:43,419
Grandad, look I mean it,
real chocolate eclairs, look!
373
00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:46,139
No.
374
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:49,139
Who is that? I'm chocolate eclair.
375
00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:52,579
I want somebody to eat me!
Come on Grandad, eat me!
376
00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:56,859
Grandad, look, I mean it,
real chocolate eclairs!
377
00:20:56,860 --> 00:20:59,899
Look, smell, smell, smell!
Mmm, Lovely!
378
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:03,220
PHONE RINGS
379
00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:19,419
SPEAKS IN A STRAINED VOICE: Hello?
380
00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:21,180
Hold on, Mick.
381
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:24,020
Cathy!
382
00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:28,179
SHE WHEEZES
383
00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:30,980
Cathy!
Mick the dick is on the phone!
384
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:36,740
Hi Mick. Oh, great.
385
00:21:39,420 --> 00:21:43,379
Yes, Mick. Where are you?
386
00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:45,499
Ah, that's just around the corner!
387
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:49,219
Cathy! Have you got a light?
388
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:51,100
In me handbag, Mammy.
389
00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,579
No, don't get a coffee.
390
00:22:07,580 --> 00:22:09,940
I'll meet you.
You can come here for a cup of tea.
391
00:22:09,941 --> 00:22:12,099
Ah, for feck's sake!
392
00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:14,699
Listen, I'm just slipping
out to meet Mick.
393
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:19,259
I'll be back in a few minutes,
all right? I said I'd...
394
00:22:19,260 --> 00:22:21,360
I said...
I'd go down the shops with Winnie.
395
00:22:21,361 --> 00:22:23,459
KNOCK ON DOOR
396
00:22:23,460 --> 00:22:25,340
It's open, Winnie!
397
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:31,419
How are ye, Cathy?
How's it going with Mick the dick?
398
00:22:31,420 --> 00:22:34,539
I wish you'd all mind
your own business!
399
00:22:34,540 --> 00:22:36,979
Jaysus, she's in bad form.
400
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:39,699
She mustn't be getting it.
401
00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:41,980
Maybe he hasn't shown
her his truncheon!
402
00:22:45,340 --> 00:22:48,939
Here, are we going to the shops?
Let me finish me tea...
403
00:22:48,940 --> 00:22:50,659
Here. Look.
404
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:56,099
Jaysus, where did you get them?
Cathy's handbag. They fell out!
405
00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:58,379
Why Jesus, Winnie,
how times change.
406
00:22:58,380 --> 00:23:01,019
So many different feckin'
kinds nowadays.
407
00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:04,940
I remember when there was only
Wrigley's or Juicy Fruit!
408
00:23:09,580 --> 00:23:11,739
I don't think they're chewing gum,
Agnes!
409
00:23:11,740 --> 00:23:13,860
They're French Letters. Jaysus!
410
00:23:16,140 --> 00:23:19,739
What's she doing, wearing them?
411
00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:22,219
They're not for her,
they're for him.
412
00:23:22,220 --> 00:23:23,700
That's the thing nowadays.
413
00:23:23,701 --> 00:23:28,019
Girls do buy them, keep them handy.
Sensible I say.
414
00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:30,979
I've never used one, Winnie.
No? No.
415
00:23:30,980 --> 00:23:35,699
Redser wouldn't, he said it'd be like
having a bath with his socks on.
416
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:39,620
I'd have been happy
if he just had the feckin' bath!
417
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,379
Oh, look at that Winnie. Ah-choo!
418
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:49,579
That's disgusting Agnes!
419
00:23:49,580 --> 00:23:51,660
Here, look,
what do you think of this?
420
00:23:54,540 --> 00:23:56,740
I see he's a large!
421
00:23:57,980 --> 00:23:59,460
Next patient please!
422
00:24:02,420 --> 00:24:04,379
Oh, Winnie, I remember one night,
423
00:24:04,380 --> 00:24:08,059
me and Redser walking
along the beach in Portmarnock.
424
00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:10,539
He started chasing me
into the sand dunes.
425
00:24:10,540 --> 00:24:13,299
So I was there
pretending to run.
426
00:24:13,300 --> 00:24:15,979
And he caught me
and he threw me on the sand.
427
00:24:15,980 --> 00:24:18,980
So I was lying there
and I said, "What do you want?"
428
00:24:20,380 --> 00:24:25,859
And he said, "I want your knickers
around your ankles!"
429
00:24:25,860 --> 00:24:28,620
I had to get them out of me feckin'
handbag and put them on!
430
00:24:38,140 --> 00:24:43,019
Then he starts to...
And I go, "Will ya stop it?"
431
00:24:43,020 --> 00:24:46,979
Why?
He was flicking sand up me arse!
432
00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:53,219
There was a sandcastle there
when I was finished!
433
00:24:53,220 --> 00:24:57,419
Those were the days!
Those were the feckin' days!
434
00:24:57,420 --> 00:25:01,299
Winnie, imagine looking at a man's
willy wrapped in one of them.
435
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:05,179
It'd look like a little bank robber.
436
00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:07,980
With one eye!
437
00:25:09,940 --> 00:25:12,020
Gimme the fuckin' money!
438
00:25:14,340 --> 00:25:16,580
Look who's here for a cup of tea!
439
00:25:23,660 --> 00:25:25,619
We have to go down the shops.
440
00:25:25,620 --> 00:25:27,419
Don't be so rude, Mammy!
441
00:25:27,420 --> 00:25:30,499
Gimme a second to introduce Winnie.
She's already met him!
442
00:25:30,500 --> 00:25:35,059
Not properly. Mick, this is my
mother's friend Winnie McGoogan.
443
00:25:35,060 --> 00:25:37,900
Hello, Mrs McGoogan. Hello, son!
444
00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:45,980
Hello again, Mrs Brown.
445
00:26:00,220 --> 00:26:02,059
That's a condom on your hand!
446
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:05,820
Well, you can't be too careful with
some of the wankers you meet nowadays!
447
00:26:09,700 --> 00:26:13,059
All right, Grandad,
your bath is ready.
448
00:26:13,060 --> 00:26:17,779
Now, you get into that bath
and soak in the bubbles
449
00:26:17,780 --> 00:26:21,819
and just lie back and relax
and let the whole world drift away!
450
00:26:21,820 --> 00:26:24,540
Here, take that with you,
I'll be up in a minute.
451
00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:28,539
Morning Grandad.
I'll look after this!
452
00:26:28,540 --> 00:26:29,820
Mammy, what are you at?
453
00:26:29,821 --> 00:26:32,340
I was only joking!
454
00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:41,089
Shit! Shit! Shit!
455
00:26:41,090 --> 00:26:44,529
One for you
from the insurance company.
456
00:26:44,530 --> 00:26:47,729
And one for me,
from the Bishop's office!
457
00:26:47,730 --> 00:26:51,409
What's that Trevor?
A letter from the Bishop.
458
00:26:51,410 --> 00:26:55,009
They've nothing for me, I'll be here
at least another ten days. Great!
459
00:26:55,010 --> 00:26:58,769
Well, you know what I mean, Trevor.
Well, go ahead Mammy. Read it.
460
00:26:58,770 --> 00:27:00,890
You read it, son.
461
00:27:03,250 --> 00:27:06,129
Dear Mrs Brown, it is the conclusion
of this company
462
00:27:06,130 --> 00:27:10,209
that the insurance claim on the death
of Mr Brown is without foundation.
463
00:27:10,210 --> 00:27:12,689
Oh, Jesus! No, wait, Mammy.
464
00:27:12,690 --> 00:27:15,329
However, I've been
instructed by my supervisor,
465
00:27:15,330 --> 00:27:18,129
Mr James Nicholson,
to take no further action.
466
00:27:18,130 --> 00:27:20,329
Yes! Yippee! Yes!
467
00:27:20,330 --> 00:27:23,449
Trevor, get the piranha
out of Granddad's bath!
468
00:27:23,450 --> 00:27:26,729
What? I'm joking!
469
00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:28,489
But go up and check that he's OK.
470
00:27:28,490 --> 00:27:31,369
That's fantastic, Mrs Brown.
Isn't it?
471
00:27:31,370 --> 00:27:35,889
Maria, his supervisor's name
is Mr Nicholson.
472
00:27:35,890 --> 00:27:40,089
Your name is Nicholson!
So it is.
473
00:27:40,090 --> 00:27:43,449
Isn't that a coincidence? I'll make
you a cup of tea, Mrs Brown.
474
00:27:43,450 --> 00:27:46,610
I knew those bastards
wouldn't take me on!
475
00:27:48,570 --> 00:27:50,590
It's lovely to have Grandad
back from the dead.
476
00:27:50,591 --> 00:27:52,609
Mrs Brown, would you
like a biscuit?
477
00:27:52,610 --> 00:27:59,329
No, thanks love. I'll have a cracker
with some couscous.
478
00:27:59,330 --> 00:28:00,850
What?
479
00:28:03,170 --> 00:28:05,249
People change! Good n...
480
00:28:05,250 --> 00:28:10,009
Maria, don't open the feckin'
fridge!
35987
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