All language subtitles for FreeUseMILF.23.05.26.Ariel.Darling.Please.Dont.Go.1080p

Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom.

Hey, boys.

How's it going?

Oh, it's good.

Yeah? Yeah, we wanted to talk to you
about something.

Yeah, what is it?

Yeah, we want to join the Army as soon
as possible. Yeah, like tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Yeah, we're going to go on
this tomorrow.

Why? What brought this on?

It's kind of short notice.

We talked because of a recruiter.

today, and it just sounded like such a
good idea.

How does it sound like a good idea? You
guys have never talked about wanting to

join the military.

I mean, he explained all the benefits
that we get, right?

Like... So many amazing benefits.

Yeah. Wow.

I don't think we would get the same
benefits staying home here. Plus, you

you being our stepmom, you get the same
benefits, too.

Yeah, but... I mean...

You're still mom. I still feel like
you're my boys.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

I mean, I guess I'd have more free time.

Maybe cleaning a little bit less.

But I like cleaning up after you guys.
You know, it gives me something to do.

I'd be so bored without you.

Yeah, but mom, like, we need to make our
own way in life.

And all the benefits.

Sounds so amazing.

I guess.

It's gonna, I mean, it's a lot for the
kids to take advantage of otherwise.

If you, if you say so, but you still
have until tomorrow, right?

Yeah. Okay.

So, I don't know, maybe I can, I can
plan a day for us or

some fun stuff to do, you know?

Or maybe you can let me have this day to
see if I can change your mind.

You know?

You can look at other options. Maybe
there's something else you'd like to do.

I mean, we can see, Mom.

I mean, just give me until tomorrow.
Until you have to get back to the

recruiter. And then, you know, I'll plan
a day for it.

I think I can put some stuff together to
convince you guys this day.

You think so, Mom? Yeah, you know, give
me, I don't know, maybe a couple hours

and plan something, you know?

Yeah? Tell us more.

Well,

it's kind of nice outside.

But you don't give a lot. I'm going to
surprise you.

That would be the best part of it. So
I'll be a surprise.

I might do something outside.

I think you guys would enjoy that.

And then, see, I can just clean up the
kitchen a little bit more.

You guys really did a number on this
kitchen. I'm doing the

thing. Come on, guys.

Yeah, well, you know, messy boys. That's
why we got to go off to military

school. We got to get better at it.

I mean, you could.

Help me out around the house a little
bit.

I do need some stuff to do.

And it'd be a lot less dangerous.

So yeah.

If you guys see this company, bring one
to that recruiter. I have so many good

ideas.

You know, different ways to find
responsibility.

Like, cleaning up after yourself.

I could teach you how to make a really
good lasagna instead of that frozen...

Eat the crap you did, bye.

So, you know, there's like even some
really easy recipes.

Like I have a piece of easy and I'll
probably make it, but there's just, I

know, so many things I haven't even
gotten the chance to teach you. And how

going to teach you guys if you go off
and join the military?

We have the whole day to talk about it.

But I don't want you guys to worry too
much, okay?

I mean, I know you're making your mom
sad, but I

haven't took it over.

We'll move some of the dishes and then
we can head outside later.

Maybe I could make you guys a homemade
pizza for dinner.

What? I don't know.

Look,

we can talk about other options. It
doesn't, we don't have to have something

right now. Right now we can focus on,
you know, I can finish up.

Everything in here, and we can have fun
for a few hours in a happy series. Maybe

talk about other options.

I guess we could do that, I think,
right?

Yeah, let's hope for the possibility.

Thank you guys for being so open to
appeasing me.

I know you have your mind set on this,
but...

kind of fun, though.

I mean, you know, maybe we can talk
about,

you know, my time in college.

You know, make sure you know how fun it
is, how many options you have if you

went to school.

And maybe we can run around the backyard
for a little bit.

I guess the weather is really nice.

We haven't done anything in the backyard
since summer started.

That does sound like a fun idea, right?

Sounds like a good idea.

Yeah, sounds like a good idea.

Danny doesn't like it.

I think we're going to have fun today.

Yeah, I think it's going to be a fun
time.

Me too. Definitely.

It'll be pretty cool.

You know, now that I think about it, we
haven't gotten out the pool. toys in a

long time either that could be kind of
fun yeah that could be it'd be a great

time yeah super fun super nice to love
swimming with you and we're all the time

sleeping on the beach that's so fun it's
gonna be hard to make memories

like that if you guys are gone

But I guess if you're really, really
determined to leave, you can try and

few years worth of memories today.

You're going to need something to hold
you over because you're going to miss me

a lot.

You have to make sure you have lots of
good memories to look back on when you

miss your dear old mom.

Yeah.

Just making really good memories.

Might be.

I don't have that memory for the last,
and, you know, maybe we'll see what

happens. But, I mean, I'm pretty set on
going tomorrow and talking to the

recruiter.

Right?

Yeah.

Tomorrow seems like a really good day to
talk to the recruiter. Yeah, I mean,

damn, and that sign -on bonus sounds
really good, too. So, like, then we

you know, I mean, obviously basics
wouldn't happen right away.

He spent all this time considering the
military. Did you think about trade

school or college or, you know,
literally anything else? Oh, yeah, we

about college. Yeah, with the recruiter.
I mean, that's part of the reason. We

got to pay for him. He doesn't have to
do anything.

I can help you pay for college without
having to go to the military.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, but...

We just don't want to, we don't want to,
we want to serve our country, that's

the truth. We really want to serve our
country.

I mean, that's really normal, but, gosh,
I just, I

don't know.

We'll have opportunities to video chat
also.

Yeah, but I can't probably go on the
couch and watch movies, and there's just

much we're not proud of.

We really have to go serve our country.
It's really important to us.

And we did sign up for the draft, and
there could be one any time, so we might

as well just get ahead of the curve.

Like I said, if you guys are determined,
I can't stop you, but

we can just always consider everything

else, too.

because I really think we still have to
go through the recruiter tomorrow.

We gave him our word. It's really
important that we keep our word.

I mean, I did raise you to be men of
your word, so I do get that.

I mean, even if you guys decide not to
go, it's probably the right thing to do

is at least go tell him, you know, that
you changed your mind or didn't change

your mind, you know, whichever.

Right.

I mean, I guess I could maybe do
something with your room.

I don't have all that space.

Like what?

Um, yeah, I've always wanted a craft
room, so that's an option.

Or, I don't know, I could leave it that
way whenever you guys want. come back,

it still feels like home.

Not to think about.

Not a lot of time.

Right?

Like, I don't know.

You have to hold it. to figure things
out.

Yeah, I'm sure this day is going to be
just as fun as it was outside in the

kitchen and just starting, really. It's
still the afternoon.

Yeah.

I like how optimistic you boys are.

I mean, we'll have a great day.

And then every time you guys come back
and, you know, visit me, maybe we can

make, like, a whole special event out of
it.

optimistic, but I'm having a hard time
selling myself on it.

Well, just be positive.

I'm sure the more positive you are, the
easier it will be for you to accept.

You always give the best advice.

You know, if you're going, I'm going to
have to call you all the time.

Help me out. Keep me positive. Give me
good advice.

We wouldn't be able to answer that much,
though.

I think you got, like, specific call
times.

Aw.

But we would definitely make an effort
to talk to you.

Of course you'd make an effort.

You know, maybe if you guys were just
worth kids. That would make this so much

easier.

Then I'd be so happy that you're
leaving.

But I guess I didn't get that lucky.

Are you guys going to give yourself
enough time to pack and everything?

I mean, that's such short notice.

Yeah. Say goodbyes to everyone.

We're going to do that.

Don't worry, Mom.

We're going to take care of ourselves.

Make sure we say goodbye to everyone we
love and care about.

I don't think basic was... I think the
recruiter said basics would be like...

A couple weeks from now, we would just
enlist today, we'd go through physicals,

and we'd start training every morning at
like 6 a .m., but I think we wouldn't

leave for, you know, a week or two.

Well, it's not so bad, I guess.

It's one day to convince you to not
enlist, and if you do, you know, two

weeks to move on with my boys.

Yeah, and, you know, after we sign the
papers tomorrow, if we don't really want

to go, we could still, you know, there's
still ways to cancel it. Not that we

would, but there's still ways to, you
know.

Yeah, I think there's a time that we're
able to back out of our agreement. I

think it's before we go to basics. We
have to have that time to decide.

But at least we get the enlisting done
tomorrow, and then, you know, we go from

there.

Yeah, but we've got time to get out of
us in a minute if we really want to.

Yeah. Like, you know, we start training
with that. It's not what we want. But,

like, I mean, I'm pretty sure it's what
I want, you know, right?

I'm pretty sure it's what I want also.

That's good to know.

You guys always work so hard to make me
feel good.

I do appreciate that.

always taught us hard work really does
pay off.

The value of hard work.

I did raise two really hardworking boys.

I guess I could have done a lot worse,
huh?

Yeah.

Couldn't have had two lazy boys that
don't want to do anything.

You know, we're just wanting to take
that step and do something good for

You know, everyone for you and our
neighbors and our friends and

the country.

Yeah, I can say I'm proud of you guys
for being so determined and being kind

stubborn. And always fighting for what
we think is

ours and fighting for what we think is
right.

The kitchen is such a mess.

But if you guys are going, I'm going to
clean up after you. You know, the

lice is everywhere.

We make your food and have the dishes.

Right. You know, I actually like doing
the dishes.

I'm not going to have a whole lot of
dishes. It's me.

I'm sure, you know, you'll find other
things to do.

Another way to keep yourself and your
time occupied.

Yeah,

maybe I could pick up a hobby or... I
don't know.

I can't cook for you guys. I can send
you some of your favorite snacks.

Which is kind of fun.

Making alpacas and mail them to you. I
can write, like, Christmas letters.

Maybe I'll get good at crocheting. I'll
have to do my sweaters.

That would be nice.

Crocheting.

I'm sure you also want to join a book
club.

Yeah, we've already talked about that.

Remember the neighbors always invited
you over to join their book club, and

you're like, oh, maybe one day this will
give you that opportunity to do that.

Oh, that sounds really fun.

I mean, book club, the thing, the craft
room.

It's kind of hard because, you know, all
the things that you guys requested, it

sounds fun, but, you know, it's kind of
hard to do everything together.

Right. I know we do so much fun stuff
together, it's just... I don't know if I

can replace that.

I'm a little tired, but... I think I can
do it.

I mean, I don't know.

We'll see what happens.

But, again, it'll be fun for the
neighbors. Then it'll be fun for all

friends that want you to join the book
club and want you to take up crocheting

and everything else like that.

You'd have more time to spend with them.

Yeah, yeah.

I think, yeah, definitely you'd have a
lot more fun with your time.

You're going to have a lot more fun.
You're going to enjoy yourself a lot

There's a lot of other things you said
you always wanted to try, like tennis.

You even said you wanted to try golf.

I'm excited for the day we got planned.

Me too.

Me too. It's going to be so much fun.

Yeah, I think it's going to be a lot, a
lot of fun.

Yeah, totally.

I'm so excited for it.

So I planned a really cool pool day, you
guys. I already got the inflatables

out. Oh, the inflatables! Awesome!

Yay!

Inflatables!

You can see how much more fun you can
have. have at home if you don't go off

into the military.

What? They have guns there. You can
shoot people.

We have guns here.

Oh shit.

Much much safer.

Awesome.

We don't get paid for this though.
That's the problem.

The military gives you so many baskets,
they hate your college.

Who's going to hate my college if I
don't go to the army?

How are you going to have time for
college if you're in the army?

You're going to get too busy.

It's going to take you forever.

I need another gun.

Mine's out of ammo.

Hey, watch it.

Oh, you watch it.

Hey, where are you going?

You're hiding behind your stepmom.

You know, I think it's only fair if I
come and join in here.

Think that you love the school, you're
going to love everything else.

Wow, that's so exciting.

I mean, I told you, I want you to stay.
And if I only have one day to convince

you to stay, I'm going to make sure it's
worth it.

If you guys go, I'm going to miss doing
all of this with you.

You don't need this anymore. Yeah,
but... It's so nice out.

It really is. It's such a beautiful day.

If you go into the military, you don't
ever know where you're going to be. So

what if you're somewhere really, really
cool?

You can't swim.

Yeah, but it's also in the military.
What if we get to go somewhere really

like Germany?

Or like Hawaii. Or Hawaii.

Or Japan. Japan.

Okay, but you don't get to pick where
you go, so what if you go somewhere

boring, like Oklahoma, and you're just
stuck there?

And then you're not going to be able to
come visit me, and you're going to be

sad because you're going to miss me, and
you're going to be somewhere boring.

Why do we keep going over this? We
already made our decision.

We're going in the military.

One day. If you decide you still want to
go tomorrow, you can go.

But... Well, how about we do this?

How about we go and have you go on the
walk?

Oh, that sounds fun.

Yeah, let's do that.

Let's go on the walk.

Just wait in.

Ready,

set, mom?

Yep. Ready, set, go.

What a fun day.

Okay, I'll pop her back. Yeah.

Ready?

I'm excited though, aren't you? Oh, I'm
super stoked.

I can't wait.

We're going to get to go on crazy
airplanes.

We're going to get to go around the
world.

We'll send mom postcards from everywhere
we go. Yeah, we'll do that. We'll send

mom postcards.

I don't want postcards. I want my son.

Thank you. You're so sweet.

I raised the nicest boys.

you too, but, you know, we really want
to serve our country. We really want to

give back.

We gotta be men.

Yeah, we can't keep living with our mom
and, you know, we have to grow up.

Save the world.

Together as brothers.

Make the world a better place.

Make our stepmom very proud.

But you both already make me so proud.
And please just call me mom.

Yeah, but Mom, it's like... We'll be
doing something with our lives going

the military.

Yeah, we're gonna make something of
ourselves.

Plus, the ladies love a man in a
uniform.

True.

I think people have uniforms.

Like, uh, the mailman.

That's much safer.

But mom.

The mailman doesn't get to have guns.
The mailman doesn't get to have guns and

ladies don't like a mailman.

We should help her take off her clothes
so she can put lotion on. Yeah.

Yeah. We should do that.

Come on. Come on, stand up.

Oh, you're both so sweet.

Yeah, you know, I have sensitive skin,
so. It's our pleasure.

Probably do need some lotion on.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I'd hate to burn or anything.

Thankfully it's not too bright right
now, but... Looks pretty nice.

Yeah.

Have you guys already put them on?

We'll put them on for you.

Thank you.

Dad, just tell us what's on your mind
this morning.

And I hope you guys put some on this
morning, too. I don't want you to burn

either. Of course. Especially if I can't
convince you to stay, you can't go off

with a sunburn.

Of course. They're not nice there.

No.

I hate getting sunburned.

I always remember to put on my sunblock.

Well, of course they're nice, thank you.

We might have to come back out there. I
thought we could do, like, a midnight

swim or something.

Yeah. That would be fun. As long as it's
heated.

That would be fun. That would be a fun
time. I don't want to get in any cold

water. Okay, no, we can warm it up.

I might have, you know, maybe some
noodles or some other little toys in the

back, too.

Yeah? Yeah. Make it real exciting.

Play Marco Polo or something, maybe.

Oh.

I love Marco Polo. I love that game.

We used to do that all the time. We
always loved it so much.

Yeah, we should play.

Definitely. We should 100 % play.

Who wants to start as Marco?

Not me.

I'll do it.

I mean, it's more about you guys. I need
you guys to have fun.

Well, I'm sure we'll have fun. Whenever
we hang out, Mom, we always have fun

together. I feel the same way. I love
hanging out with you guys.

You would just take your mom along,
right?

Of course not.

So, you guys, are you thinking of
staying, maybe?

I don't know. It's just something we've
got to think about.

Yeah. I don't know.

It's really time for us to be men.

Hey, I'm not like just getting a little
tired and running around and everything.

This is a busy day already.

It really is.

But a fun day, right?

Yeah, a really good fun day.

I said you have a fun day planned for
us. What else we got planned today?

Yeah. Any other fun activities?

I was thinking later, I'd make your
favorite meal, maybe.

Nice dessert.

I was thinking maybe a movie.

Whatever. Anything you guys like to do.
Do you have any ideas? I have a lot

planned, though.

I'm sure it's going to be a day full of
really, really fun activities.

It's already starting out super fun.

It's a great start.

Also, while you guys are liking it, I
put a lot of effort into making sure you

had a good time.

I want to make sure it's something you
can't get or experience in the military.

And then you can only get it at home
when you're spending time with your mom.

What are we going to eat, though? Any
home -cooked meals?

Right.

I have some surprises planned. I was
making a few favorites that you guys

I'm not going to say which ones, though.

Okay, come on. That's not fair. Yeah,
that's not fair. We don't want

I think I can make maybe lasagna for you
guys or a pizza.

Oh, like your homemade pizza that you
make? Yeah, exactly.

I love that. Oh, those ingredients are
so good. Yeah, oh my gosh, all organic,

so delicious.

If you leave, aren't you going to miss
my pizza?

Yeah, but we'll have pizza for us. Yeah,
but we can go to Italy and we can get

Italian pizza, we can get Italian pasta.

What about your friends?

I mean, yeah, we'll miss them, but it's
not like we won't see them, right?

Exactly. Do you know how hard it is to
just, you know, leave whenever you want?

You probably will get to come, like,
once a year, and you're going to have to

take between me or seeing them, because
you're going to have, like, a week,

maybe. Oh, come on. Mom, you know we're
going to take you.

Well, then you're going to miss your
friends. But see, there's the problem.

But we can make new friends.

Or maybe you go to, like, a college
around here.

You can make new friends there and see
your old friends.

Are you talking about girls in college?

Yeah, but there's girls in the military,
isn't there?

Yeah, and we're going to be traveling
the world meeting girls from all

types of countries.

Well, what if they're mean? I don't
know. I mean, you don't know what those,

know, girls in the military might be
like.

College girls are funny.

You can't argue with that one.

Yeah, that is true.

We do like funny girls. Yes, we do.

You miss me on a whole experience.

I don't know.

I just don't feel convinced.

I mean, the way the recruiter was
telling us, we get college paid for, we

like, a grant from the government. Like,
it just sounds... So much like a great

idea. A lot of the guys have, like...
Healthcare for life. They have

for life. They have money to get, like,
a brand new charger or challenger.

Oh, yeah.

I can't picture the ladies when we drive
around in that thing.

Oh, my God.

See, I think waiting a few years on a
car isn't too bad.

Right?

I mean, maybe I can help pay for part of
it. So, I make up for the interest.

I don't know. We don't really want to
wait any longer.

There's so much that you guys do to help
me out.

He's gonna, I don't know, clean the
pool?

Mow the lawn?

I mean, I'm sure we have friends that
are staying here.

Yeah, I'm sure they'll help you out.
Yeah, I didn't even do it.

We would love to help you.

I love the same thing.

I love, like, you know, seeing whenever
you come inside and I get to make you

fresh lemonade after all your hard work.

Yeah, but we're grown men now. We don't
need women anymore.

Yeah, we can take care of ourselves.

I don't know. I just don't think we can
do that to your mom.

It's going to take some serious
convincing for us to change our minds.

Yeah, a lot. This is what we want.

I mean, if I can't change your mind,
then I guess I could get over it.

I'll spend all my nights alone just
watching TV by myself and eating dinners

myself. Oh, come on, Mom. Don't make it
sound like that.

I have so much more to do than doing
things with my boys, you know?

Like, don't you think you're going to
miss me? Will you not, you know, miss

doing things with me and spending time
with me?

We will. We are, but...

We just really want to serve our
country, you know?

I mean, yeah.

It's really noble.

I guess they did raise really, really
good boys, huh?

Besides, you have something to tell all
your girlfriends about and all the

neighbors.

You'll be able to brag about your kids
being in the military.

Yeah, it's a pretty big deal.

And you get to get a lot of the benefits
that we get.

I think I'd much rather have my sons
than discounts.

Plus, like, all my friends are going to
miss you guys so much.

They love you guys. You're both always
so sweet.

I just think if I can convince you guys
to stay even just for, like, another

day, you know?

Or a week.

Or a month.

Or maybe years.

Forever.

No, Mom, that's going to be a lot of
convincing.

The military just has way too many good
benefits.

Yeah, there's just so much to look
forward to.

We love you and we love spending time
with you, but we've got to be adults.

We've got to make money.

We've got to make a reputation for
ourselves.

Yeah, we've got to carve our own path in
this world.

I mean, that makes a lot of sense, but,
you know, Most kids your age now still

stay at home for several years.

It's free.

And it makes it so easy to go to school
if you don't have to work.

Or, you know, worried about being
deployed somewhere.

Yeah, but that's... But that's most
kids. You said it yourself. We're

Which means we're meant for something
more, right?

Yeah, maybe you can go to medical school
and cure cancer or something.

Or be a teacher and teach someone else
to cure cancer.

A teacher?

So many other options.

A teacher, really?

Yeah, a teacher is so boring. It's
almost as boring as sitting in a

watching traffic.

Well, there's other things. You know,
maybe you go to the university and take

tour and you find something that you
like.

Teacher just... I don't think a teacher
would be cool. Plus, the uniforms, the

military uniforms, like, especially with
the Marine Corps.

Oh, so sick, huh?

Dude.

And we'll have the most, like, big retro
haircut.

Oh, man.

And it'd be kind of cool, maybe, if you
went for acting, and then you could play

someone in the military, or, like, you
could play an astronaut, or you could do

so many different things.

Acting? Mm -hmm.

You should think about it.

Acting? I don't know.

I mean, actors seem like they do it
right for themselves.

Yeah, after basically living super poor
for five, ten years.

Yeah, actors, I mean, they make good
money for the short term, but long term?

No, not really.

Yeah, we don't want to act. We want to
be ourselves.

I mean, okay, but I went to college, and
I thought it was a lot of fun.

And, you know, they have so many degrees
nowadays.

Like, I probably couldn't even name them
all off the top of my head.

Yeah, but I don't know.

College is boring, too.

We want to go to the Army. We want to
fight for our country. We want to travel

the world.

We want to do crazy stuff.

We don't want to do some normal civilian
stuff.

Right.

I mean, I bet there's, you know, other
jobs where you could travel the world.

Like I said, you just have to go check
it out.

Or you go, you study abroad, and then
you kind of get, like, a sample of a

place. And then you can figure out if
you want to live there.

You know, financial aid can pay for
that. I can pay for that.

I'm just saying, I think there's a lot
of really good options that you aren't

considering.

Maybe.

Like?

What other options do they give us?

Not, you know, what other options
outside the military are going to give

many benefits?

And that much privilege to travel?

Yeah, there's lots of other government
jobs that, you know, you'd be getting

those similar benefits.

Maybe you could be an ambassador.

Oh, think of how impressed all my
friends would be if I could tell them

sons are ambassadors.

I mean, I suppose, right? I mean, no, I
don't know.

An ambassador?

That sounds so boring.

Like, maybe a pilot.

But we could do that in the military,
too.

Like... You could be, you know, a normal
pilot, though. Think of how much safer

that is.

And you get to fly to all these
destinations.

And I've heard the pay is pretty good.

It's not nearly as strict as the
military, I bet.

And flight attendants are hot. You're
not going to have flight attendants in

military.

Well, actually, I have heard that.

I don't know. I still think the military
is the better option.

Yeah, me too. I still think so, also.

I didn't realize you guys would be so
stubborn all the time.

I mean, come on now.

We're your sons. We're both born in the
month of May, too.

Yeah, we're just like you.

We're really stubborn.

We really want to fight for what we
love, for what we believe in.

See, I'm trying to fill you guys on
staying. You're not supposed to be

me on leaving.

But when you talk to us, we like that.

No, no, you still really, really should
stay.

Yeah. What other benefits do we have of
staying?

You're going to have to convince us.

I think we just need to find something
else that will make you happy, too.

Besides, you know, going off and leaving
me.

Well, I hope you have way better
activities planned for us in time.

Yeah.

Hey, you feel like my pool party isn't
fun?

The pool party was a great time.

See, I think, you know...

If this doesn't do it, like I said, the
rest of your day will.

I mean, who knows their boys better than
a mom, right?

Yeah, I hope so.

But who knows?

The school party is pretty awesome. I
like it. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot of

It was great planning.

Definitely a really good planet.

Yeah, I mean, it's still not, you know,
it's still not the, you know, real guns

or anything.

Yeah, not good enough, but like I
said... Oh, we didn't say it wasn't good

enough. You didn't have to. If you still
want to leave, then it wasn't good

enough for me.

But... Well, the day has just even
started.

Exactly. See, I like that attitude.

We're going to have so much fun today,
and, you know, tomorrow if you decide to

stay.

But I promise it'll be a good time if
nothing else would be a really nice

farewell

I don't know. I mean, we had to tell
tomorrow to let the recruiter know, or

it the day after?

Tomorrow? Tomorrow to let the recruiter
know. Yeah, I think it was tomorrow.

Well, if it's not, if we're really
tomorrow, then I can get you guys to go

breakfast, you know, maybe some
pancakes, some bacon, eggs.

I think I have some OJ still.

Oh, and you have to make fresh beans and
orange juice.

I love that.

I do like my fresh squeezed orange
juice.

And coffee.

And the bacon and the eggs.

Yeah, I have to make sure you're
properly fed because I've heard military

is terrible, so... Wait, is it?

I mean, that's what I've heard. Maybe
you're confusing it with airplane food.

Yeah, I thought that was airplane food.
I mean, airplane food is peanuts. I

thought military food was like a five
-course meal.

They're both terrible.

So maybe the flight attendant idea is...
on the plane wasn't a good idea.

I wonder if maybe, maybe the Air Force,
maybe we get better food? Or is it all

the military?

I think it might be all the military.

Oh, we don't get that good of food?

I don't know, man. I miss Mom's cooking.

That's for sure. I miss Mom's cooking a
lot.

Yeah, I know.

I see you didn't even think about that
part.

And if you didn't think about that,
think about all the other things you'd

Like comfy beds, getting to sleep in,

getting to stay up late, playing video
games, watching movies.

Oh no, there's still a lot to think
about.

All right, we got a long day to think
about it, right?

Right. We got a long day.

I know you guys said that you had to let
the recruiter know by tomorrow, but,

you know, if you decide that's not
enough time to decide, you can always,

know, join another time. There are so
many recruiters.

Oh, but, you know, our recruiter gave us
a deadline.

I think it's tomorrow or the next day,
right?

Yeah, I think it was, I thought it was
tomorrow.

Well, you can call a different recruiter
if you need more time to think about

it.

I don't know.

I don't know.

He was so nice and, you know, the way he
talks about the military.

That's a sign -on bonus, too, if we sign
up early.

It's like a 20 grand sign -on bonus.

I'm nice, but...

You don't seem like you're thinking that
hard about staying here with me.

Are you going to give us a $20 ,000 sign
-on bonus?

We can negotiate.

I'm open to negotiating that.

You know, maybe we can work out an
allowance system.

Or, you know, there's lots of other jobs
that offer bonuses.

You know, if they're electricians or...

mechanics. There's all kinds of stuff.

But, I don't know, maybe after a fun day
we can look at other options.

And if they all sound terrible, you can,
you know, go to the military.

I'll give in.

If everything else fails.

We still have to talk to our recruiter
and make sure he's okay with the extra

time. Yeah, we're still gonna make sure
he's okay with giving us a little bit of

extra time. Because what if he leaves
out on the sign -on bonus if we say no?

If we still say yes, we'll wait like a
week.

You can talk to him about waiting.

I'm okay with that.

I'm sorry.

I know I keep saying that, but... I love
you guys. I want to be around my sons

all the time.

You know, we spent, like, your whole
lives together.

Almost.

I joined a little late, but we're, you
know, still family.

Yeah, yeah.

I just can't imagine being here without
you guys.

Well, we'll see how the rest of the day
goes. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see what

happens.

Well, if that's the best I'm going to
get right now, then I'll take that.

And I am excited for you guys to see
everything else.

We really are, too.

Sounds like you've got a lot planned for
us. Yeah.

Inside this big house over here.

Well, I want to make sure it is the best
day that you guys have ever had.

Wow, the best. The best day.

She's really working hard to try and
convince us not to go in the military,

I know.

I told you.

I want to make sure I get as much time
with my boys as possible.

And if I can't get a whole lot of time
with you guys here, then, you know, as

much time with you, and then I can let
you come stay really close to me.

Oh, that'd be so fun. You know, maybe
visit your apartments, you know, near

their universities.

I could come visit you guys.

I could come bring you food. If you get
hungry, I'll bring you a home -cooked

meal.

Oh, that'd be so nice.

That does sound kind of fun, a home
-cooked meal.

like having your own faith and
everything but if you ever knew me i'd

close by yeah i don't know maybe i don't

think about it man the sun's really
bright today

i think we should go inside before one
of us gets a really bad burn and i

have so much more inside to show you
guys oh yeah what do you think Yeah,

go inside. Let's check it out. Yeah.

I thought maybe one of the last things
we could do for the night would be to

look at some old family photos.

Yeah, that would be a great idea.

Oh, wow.

Look at how young Dad looked in that
picture. I know.

Wow. Just like you. It's crazy.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. It's Cousin Michael. Look.

Wow. He had an afro. I can't believe it.

Whoa. That was an impressive outro, too.

Definitely, man. I don't know why you
cut it.

You got your college parties.

You have your get -togethers with
friends.

I see that. Okay.

Camping night.

Wow. You know, you guys are going to
miss out on all of this.

Not just, you know, being able to see me
and the rest of the family, but you can

make so many fun college memories.

There's parties all the time.

It's kind of embarrassing. I realize
they have so many pictures from college

here.

But, you know, I kind of want you guys
to be able to build those memories.

I mean, you know, the parties.

You guys have not been to a college
party yet. They get absolutely insane.

I mean... Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, all the things I did when I
was in college, I'm kind of embarrassed

to tell you.

I slept with so many guys.

No way.

I mean, it's just, I don't know, it's
easier in college. Everyone's so ready

like, party and go out and have fun, you
know?

Everyone's, like, horny all the time.

Yeah? Yeah, that's actually where I had
my first threesome.

Oh, wow.

Was it with two guys or two girls?

Wow. So we would miss out on all this.
Exactly.

Miss out on three thumbs.

Yeah.

I feel like now I'm finally getting
through to you. Is that the selling

the whole time?

Well, it depends.

Is it with two guys or two girls?

For you, probably two girls.

I mean, all you could experiment. That's
what college is for, you know?

Kind of discovering yourself.

Oh, yeah. Getting into trouble.

Experimentation? Mm -hmm.

I don't know. The Army seems pretty
crazy, you know, and those foreign girls

from different countries, you know. They
know we're American, you know,

servicemen. I mean... Imagine what
they're doing.

Maybe we can, I don't know, figure this
out by the end of the night.

Yeah. I mean, I think I could take you
guys to the university. You know, I

one of my friend's daughters is a
majority.

You know, maybe before you...

decide to leave, you go party there.

See how you like it? Meet a few ladies.

Wow.

But I heard they can't party in
sororities, only in fraternities.

I mean, it's a little bit of both.

You're not supposed to, but things
happen.

And once you have the parties with, you
know, a bunch of girls.

Yeah. I mean, now you're starting to
make some sense.

I mean, if you see good -looking guys,
they're going to be all over you.

We may not even see the recruiter
tomorrow.

Yeah, you might be able to convince us.
I don't know. This sounds way too good

to be true, though.

And I really doubt you'll have a hearing
rest today.

I think that might have been the best
time of my life, you know?

Everyone's so wild and free.

You can do whatever you want, see as
many people as you want.

You don't have to commit yet. Everyone's
still alive.

Yeah? Mm -hmm.

Oh, man, if college is as good as you
say, we might have to do that.

Like an actual college instead of, you
know, military school.

Yeah, I knew I could say something that
would change your mind.

I'm not fully convinced, but I'm getting
there.

Well, I don't know. I think I'm starting
to come around.

And, uh, you guys can go see foreign
girls like you wanted to also.

You know, if you maybe do, like, some
study abroad.

Oh, yeah, shit. I didn't even think
about that. Yeah, I only thought foreign

college girls.

Way better.

I didn't think about that yet. It's a
great idea. Right.

It's a really good idea.

I'm so glad I could help you guys, you
know.

Maybe expand your minds a little bit.

You know, we wanted to give her four
years of her

life.

Yeah. God, that's making more sense.

Well, it isn't that long. Boy, that
military guy made it sound, though, man.

sounded so good. But now that you think
about it, it's like... Mm -hmm.

It's not as good as it sounds.

No, definitely not. Too good to be true.

Yeah, so we'll go check out the campus
this weekend, maybe. If you guys aren't

in, you know, as much of a rush to
leave, we have a little bit more time.

Right.

We'll make a whole event out of it.

I can show you guys all the old bars
that I went to. Oh, yeah, it was so much

fun. Yeah, and show us the sorority you
went.

What was the sorority? Oh,

God.

Honestly, I don't even remember much
from back then.

I'm probably adventurous, but, yeah, I
didn't do well in college.

Too good to do all the things you guys
don't want to do, you would say.

Well, Mom, you're pretty good at
convincing, that's for sure.

Yeah.

We're definitely going to start by
tomorrow and give the recruiter a really

time. Yeah.

I know I'm trying my hardest, but I
really didn't want you guys to leave.

So I had to pull out all the stops.

You know, the pool party, going through,
you know, the family photo album.

It's been so fun. We have so many more
things we could do together.

Right.

Yeah.

There's a lot more family activities.

And we have a whole summer to have more
cool parties.

Yeah, I think this is going to be a good
time for it.

Really, really enjoyable.

reconsider the whole military thing. We
can always do that at a later date.

Yeah, we can always sign up for the
Army.

They'll always take us, right? You know,
you might get a little bit less time

bonus, but, you know.

You know, the experience is what you'll
have to make up for that.

What about all those foreign chicks,
those hot foreign chicks?

Do you want to meet them?

Yeah, definitely.

We're going to, I don't know, we're
going to, we'll have to have mom, again,

take us to all her favorite sororities,
and who knows, man, maybe we'll meet

enough foreign girls.

Because we get a lot of transfer
students at the university, too.

You might get to meet a lot of people
without even having to go anywhere.

That's true.

Plus, we could stay close to our
friends, though, this way.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Thank you.

Oh,

yeah, but what about Hawaii and Japan
and Germany?

I mean, the world. We could travel
around for free.

I mean, it's not like we couldn't plan a
trip there or something, you know? Mm

-hmm.

You can take Mom with, uh, just me and
you and Mom.

Sounds like a fun time to me. Oh, yeah,
I'd love that.

Or, you know, even if you guys, like,
you know, if you're cool, there's always

grants and scholarships. You guys are
really smart about getting scholarships.

Sounds so good.

You are really good at convincing, huh?

Yeah, very good at convincing.

Wow.

It's really easy to be good at
convincing when you have a lot on the

Yeah? Well, I don't want to leave you
guys.

Maybe we'll have so much fun together.

That is true. We have a lot of fun
together.

Yeah. We always have.

The most memorable moments.

Yeah. It's always been a ton of fun.

I mean, guess what? How much more fun we
can have now that you guys are staying.

Right.

I can't wait to hear about your
adventures with you.

Anything you guys do when you go and
party?

You don't like hearing about all your
stories and everything?

Awesome, that's so fun.

I'm so excited for you guys.

It was really, really exciting.

Really, really hard decision to make.

This is a really, really important point
in our lives.

Right, like having a ton of fun with mom
and going to parties and being a normal

college kid.

Having the three thumbs and stuff or
doing something like, you know, life

changing.

Really life changing.

Like I said, I mean, we'll go to the
campus and see what other jobs they

Or, you know, degree four jobs.

I'm just so excited.

I think maybe to celebrate you guys
staying, you should have maybe like

another night kind of like this one, you
know? Make you guys your favorite

dinner.

Let's see, we can end it by watching
some movies.

Another pool party, obviously.

Look at all the toys this time. Maybe
you guys can invite your friends.

Wow. That's a bad idea.

That's a bad idea.

Maybe it's, like, coming over?

Yeah. I think they'd enjoy it. I think
they would love it.

Oh, plus I haven't seen any of them in a
while.

It'd be nice to catch up, won't it?

It'd be really nice to catch up.

Nice, too.

You know, if you guys left in a couple
weeks, you might miss someone's

And I do love celebrating you guys'
birthdays with you.

That's true. You know, birthdays are
always fun.

Yeah, they are really fun.

We always do something so special when
it's our birthday, and even when it's

your birthday, we always go out and do
something really fucking, like, amazing.

You know how I love planning, especially
for when it's for you two.

Let's make our boys feel special, you
know?

Let you both know how much I care about
you.

I'd do everything for you that I could.

That is why you're the best mom.

You are the best.

You guys are so sweet.

We care so much. Go giving up your time.

Well, you both deserve it.

I mean, not everyone gets to have kids
as wonderful as you two.

So caring.

Sweetie, you still can't swim to your
boat, save you.

The college girls are going to be so
lucky.

Maybe we can make you spend your extra
time here.

Maybe I'll move you around.

Oh, looks like we have a really hard
decision to make. I know, right?

It's very difficult.

Too bad you can't speak to the recruiter
directly.

That way, you know, we could hear both
of you guys at the same time.

I mean, I don't know. I'm convinced
maybe I'd talk him into leaving.

That'd be funny. You'd talk the
recruiter into leaving.

That'd be funny. That would be very
funny.

I mean, clearly I'm a convincing lady,
right?

Right.

We'll just show them the family album.

I think that's what did it for you guys.

Well, I think it was more, I mean, the
family album definitely helped, but it

was more about the crazy college story.
Like, wow, Mom, you know that. Such a

slut. Yeah.

You totally were a slut in college.

Yeah, I was.

Well, now you know where your boys get
it from.

I know. You guys really are just like
me.

That's why I know you're going to have
fun.

And you don't have to tell me what all
you get up to.

Unless you want to, you know. We are
really close. You can share anything

me.

Yeah.

Anything? Yeah, of course.

That's the bad thing about this family.
We're always, we're all so close.

Yeah, every family's like that.

Yeah. It's really, really special.
You're so open with us and upfront.

Thank you. I don't particularly think
so.

I don't think you're doing a good job at
convincing me. Yeah.

A really good job.

I'm almost fully convinced.

I don't know. I can't convince him that
I need to fully convince him today.

Me too.

There's one thing missing too for me.
One more.

I have to make sure I take care of my
voice.

Yeah.

I don't deserve to have you stay anyway.

Oh, it's not like that.

really?

really? like a hellcat?

You know, I've been thinking about it
since you guys brought it up, and the

I think, the more I'm like, yes, why
not?

We deserve it, so why not make it
happen?

That'd be... Special.

Special.

That'd be really, really special.

I don't

think we can get a Hellcat right away if
we go to the Army.

Right, yeah, we'd have to wait.

I mean, who wants to wait?

You guys are as much like me as you
seem.

I know that you're impatient, but you
don't want to wait on that.

I wouldn't want to.

Definitely not.

The military, you know, we're not, you
know, going to be allowed to have cars

the whole time either because we're
going to be traveling and going to other

countries. Oh, yeah. That's totally
true.

Just imagine if you had to go overseas
and you'd have to leave your helicopter

here.

Oh, no. Yeah, that's true.

That would be horrible.

I mean, that would be more than
horrible.

Yeah, I hate that for you guys. You
know, I don't like kids that are mad or

Think about all the sorority girls you
can impress with their new cars too.

I didn't think about that.

Yeah, you're right. A lot of people are
going to be really impressed.

Mm -hmm.

And there's probably about plenty of
girls over here.

Yeah, think about all the parties and
sororities we could have and, you know,

Right. And then, you know, Mom did say
we could bring the girls up here, and

did appear in the room, and then it was
our house.

And then, man, we could still party out
in the pool.

Man, think of all the sorority girls we
can have out there. We'd have, like, 50

girls out there.

Wow. Dude, that, I don't know, man.
That, to me, sounds a lot better than

in a barrack with 50 men.

Might just be me, you know, but...
You're trading phony dudes for sorority

girls.

I know how important privacy is. That's
why I thought that you guys have the

whole thing to yourself.

Yeah.

I mean, we already got the phobies, too.
We got the avocado, you got the swan.

The swan. Dude.

Man.

I got an idea with the swan, man. I'll
have a girl riding one, you know,

on the swan.

Yeah, that's how creative you guys are.

Plus, you know, that fence is pretty
good.

Neighbors wouldn't say anything.

I'm so excited.

And you guys, I'll take a lot of
pictures.

Don't take any that are, you know, too
inappropriate or raunchy. But, you know,

like the more tame ones. And then,

you know, maybe in the future when your
kids want to run off and do them.

Something crazy.

In some of your college days.

That's what we have cell phones for,
right?

Oh, well, yeah, I guess.

But we don't want any evidence on paper.

That's not fair.

This is not the same feeling, though.
You know, there's just something so

authentic about going through and
flipping through, like, a photo album.

Looking at it with your kid.

I can't wait to see what you guys
understand.

Well, you're all going off to college.

Soon we're going to be married with
kids.

And you taught... You educated us,
actually.

Yeah, I tried to teach you guys well.

Yeah.

You always do your best.

Well, I have to do the best for my boys.

Because they're going the best.

Aw, Mom, that's so sweet.

Yeah, we're so lucky to have you.

Aw, you guys.

You've been so nice to me today, I
swear.

Well, I mean, it was news we dropped on
you about, you know, potentially joining

the military, and, you know, that, that
can be... Oh, yeah. We kind of, we

started to realize how hard that is. And
plus, we love you, so... Yeah, that

was, uh,

that was quite the ball you guys dropped
on me.

Scared me a little bit, you know? I'm
not ready for you guys building this

out.

I really believe in you guys.

And maybe we could go to the dealership
at the end of this week, you know?

Yeah, that'd be fun.

We could go check out some of the cool
cars up there. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. We could get that done
sooner rather than later. That way it

look a little bit harder.

but you don't change your mind.

I'm trying my hardest to convince you.

Well, you're doing a good job. I think
we're being kind of convinced.

Thank you.

In fact, I mean, at this point, I might
even call and cancel an appointment with

a recruiter.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I know I said make breakfast
tomorrow, but if you're canceling, you

could probably just go out for brunch or
something.

Yeah, you know what?

Not a bad idea.

French toast sounds kind of good.

In fact, we could have dinner tonight,
breakfast tomorrow, brunch tomorrow,

lunch tomorrow, and dinner tomorrow.

I like the look of crust appetite.

Well, the taste has been so memorable
and so special.

I don't know, it just makes me hungry
almost.

Yeah, man.

It's been so much, like, different news
and stuff.

Different news, like, yeah.

The first news we wrote to you, and now
we're potentially reconsidering that.

I know.

I mean, I thought my life was going to
go in one direction in the morning, and

now it's going to go in the opposite
direction. Now that college thing has

gotten so much better and better.

It really is.

When mom talks about it, like, wow,
three thumbs, girls.

These are already chicks.

Wow. It's going to be such a blast.

It doesn't even sound like we're going
to learn anything.

Right? I'm so glad you guys are getting
invited.

It just sounds like we're going to be,
you know, fucking beautiful women the

whole time.

Yeah, sometimes more than one time, more
than one -on -one. Yeah, I know, right?

Dude, that sounds fucking fantastic,
right? Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Wow, why didn't you just say that to
begin with, Mom? Yeah, I know, right?

on, man.

That's what I needed to say. I already
know the words I just tell this military

recruiter. Am I going to be fucking more
than one girl at a time? Be like, am I

going to be getting pussy?

Or if I'm not, you know, if it's just
money, then I'm good. I don't need the

pussy. Or I don't need the money, I need
the pussy.

You boys are so funny.

What's the point of it all, you know? If
I'm not making money, you know, getting

pussy, what's the point?

That's a lot, man.

That's a lot of years that we'd be
wasting our life away.

Well,

you know, I think

it's about time we should maybe call the
recruiter.

Yeah, we should do that.

We can do that here shortly.

Yeah. I'm so glad you guys are, you
know, thinking about staying with me,

sounds like you're pretty committed.

You have no idea how happy that makes
me, knowing that I'll get to spend so

time with you guys still.

Oh, oh, shit.

Oh, oh, oh.

I really don't think I'm going to stay.
You're going to stay. Oh, yeah, I think

we're going to stay.

What makes you so happy and scared?

Go ahead and call the recruiter first
thing in the morning and let them know.

Yeah, we should do that.

That's a good idea. We'll definitely do
that.