Original subtitles

Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom.

Hey, boys.

How's it going?

Oh, it's good.

Yeah? Yeah, we wanted to talk to you about something.

Yeah, what is it?

Yeah, we want to join the Army as soon as possible. Yeah, like tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Yeah, we're going to go on this tomorrow.

Why? What brought this on?

It's kind of short notice.

We talked because of a recruiter.

today, and it just sounded like such a good idea.

How does it sound like a good idea? You guys have never talked about wanting to

join the military.

I mean, he explained all the benefits that we get, right?

Like... So many amazing benefits.

Yeah. Wow.

I don't think we would get the same benefits staying home here. Plus, you

you being our stepmom, you get the same benefits, too.

Yeah, but... I mean...

You're still mom. I still feel like you're my boys.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

I mean, I guess I'd have more free time.

Maybe cleaning a little bit less.

But I like cleaning up after you guys. You know, it gives me something to do.

I'd be so bored without you.

Yeah, but mom, like, we need to make our own way in life.

And all the benefits.

Sounds so amazing.

I guess.

It's gonna, I mean, it's a lot for the kids to take advantage of otherwise.

If you, if you say so, but you still have until tomorrow, right?

Yeah. Okay.

So, I don't know, maybe I can, I can plan a day for us or

some fun stuff to do, you know?

Or maybe you can let me have this day to see if I can change your mind.

You know?

You can look at other options. Maybe there's something else you'd like to do.

I mean, we can see, Mom.

I mean, just give me until tomorrow. Until you have to get back to the

recruiter. And then, you know, I'll plan a day for it.

I think I can put some stuff together to convince you guys this day.

You think so, Mom? Yeah, you know, give me, I don't know, maybe a couple hours

and plan something, you know?

Yeah? Tell us more.

Well,

it's kind of nice outside.

But you don't give a lot. I'm going to surprise you.

That would be the best part of it. So I'll be a surprise.

I might do something outside.

I think you guys would enjoy that.

And then, see, I can just clean up the kitchen a little bit more.

You guys really did a number on this kitchen. I'm doing the

thing. Come on, guys.

Yeah, well, you know, messy boys. That's why we got to go off to military

school. We got to get better at it.

I mean, you could.

Help me out around the house a little bit.

I do need some stuff to do.

And it'd be a lot less dangerous.

So yeah.

If you guys see this company, bring one to that recruiter. I have so many good

ideas.

You know, different ways to find responsibility.

Like, cleaning up after yourself.

I could teach you how to make a really good lasagna instead of that frozen...

Eat the crap you did, bye.

So, you know, there's like even some really easy recipes.

Like I have a piece of easy and I'll probably make it, but there's just, I

know, so many things I haven't even gotten the chance to teach you. And how

going to teach you guys if you go off and join the military?

We have the whole day to talk about it.

But I don't want you guys to worry too much, okay?

I mean, I know you're making your mom sad, but I

haven't took it over.

We'll move some of the dishes and then we can head outside later.

Maybe I could make you guys a homemade pizza for dinner.

What? I don't know.

Look,

we can talk about other options. It doesn't, we don't have to have something

right now. Right now we can focus on, you know, I can finish up.

Everything in here, and we can have fun for a few hours in a happy series. Maybe

talk about other options.

I guess we could do that, I think, right?

Yeah, let's hope for the possibility.

Thank you guys for being so open to appeasing me.

I know you have your mind set on this, but...

kind of fun, though.

I mean, you know, maybe we can talk about,

you know, my time in college.

You know, make sure you know how fun it is, how many options you have if you

went to school.

And maybe we can run around the backyard for a little bit.

I guess the weather is really nice.

We haven't done anything in the backyard since summer started.

That does sound like a fun idea, right?

Sounds like a good idea.

Yeah, sounds like a good idea.

Danny doesn't like it.

I think we're going to have fun today.

Yeah, I think it's going to be a fun time.

Me too. Definitely.

It'll be pretty cool.

You know, now that I think about it, we haven't gotten out the pool. toys in a

long time either that could be kind of fun yeah that could be it'd be a great

time yeah super fun super nice to love swimming with you and we're all the time

sleeping on the beach that's so fun it's gonna be hard to make memories

like that if you guys are gone

But I guess if you're really, really determined to leave, you can try and

few years worth of memories today.

You're going to need something to hold you over because you're going to miss me

a lot.

You have to make sure you have lots of good memories to look back on when you

miss your dear old mom.

Yeah.

Just making really good memories.

Might be.

I don't have that memory for the last, and, you know, maybe we'll see what

happens. But, I mean, I'm pretty set on going tomorrow and talking to the

recruiter.

Right?

Yeah.

Tomorrow seems like a really good day to talk to the recruiter. Yeah, I mean,

damn, and that sign -on bonus sounds really good, too. So, like, then we

you know, I mean, obviously basics wouldn't happen right away.

He spent all this time considering the military. Did you think about trade

school or college or, you know, literally anything else? Oh, yeah, we

about college. Yeah, with the recruiter. I mean, that's part of the reason. We

got to pay for him. He doesn't have to do anything.

I can help you pay for college without having to go to the military.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, but...

We just don't want to, we don't want to, we want to serve our country, that's

the truth. We really want to serve our country.

I mean, that's really normal, but, gosh, I just, I

don't know.

We'll have opportunities to video chat also.

Yeah, but I can't probably go on the couch and watch movies, and there's just

much we're not proud of.

We really have to go serve our country. It's really important to us.

And we did sign up for the draft, and there could be one any time, so we might

as well just get ahead of the curve.

Like I said, if you guys are determined, I can't stop you, but

we can just always consider everything

else, too.

because I really think we still have to go through the recruiter tomorrow.

We gave him our word. It's really important that we keep our word.

I mean, I did raise you to be men of your word, so I do get that.

I mean, even if you guys decide not to go, it's probably the right thing to do

is at least go tell him, you know, that you changed your mind or didn't change

your mind, you know, whichever.

Right.

I mean, I guess I could maybe do something with your room.

I don't have all that space.

Like what?

Um, yeah, I've always wanted a craft room, so that's an option.

Or, I don't know, I could leave it that way whenever you guys want. come back,

it still feels like home.

Not to think about.

Not a lot of time.

Right?

Like, I don't know.

You have to hold it. to figure things out.

Yeah, I'm sure this day is going to be just as fun as it was outside in the

kitchen and just starting, really. It's still the afternoon.

Yeah.

I like how optimistic you boys are.

I mean, we'll have a great day.

And then every time you guys come back and, you know, visit me, maybe we can

make, like, a whole special event out of it.

optimistic, but I'm having a hard time selling myself on it.

Well, just be positive.

I'm sure the more positive you are, the easier it will be for you to accept.

You always give the best advice.

You know, if you're going, I'm going to have to call you all the time.

Help me out. Keep me positive. Give me good advice.

We wouldn't be able to answer that much, though.

I think you got, like, specific call times.

Aw.

But we would definitely make an effort to talk to you.

Of course you'd make an effort.

You know, maybe if you guys were just worth kids. That would make this so much

easier.

Then I'd be so happy that you're leaving.

But I guess I didn't get that lucky.

Are you guys going to give yourself enough time to pack and everything?

I mean, that's such short notice.

Yeah. Say goodbyes to everyone.

We're going to do that.

Don't worry, Mom.

We're going to take care of ourselves.

Make sure we say goodbye to everyone we love and care about.

I don't think basic was... I think the recruiter said basics would be like...

A couple weeks from now, we would just enlist today, we'd go through physicals,

and we'd start training every morning at like 6 a .m., but I think we wouldn't

leave for, you know, a week or two.

Well, it's not so bad, I guess.

It's one day to convince you to not enlist, and if you do, you know, two

weeks to move on with my boys.

Yeah, and, you know, after we sign the papers tomorrow, if we don't really want

to go, we could still, you know, there's still ways to cancel it. Not that we

would, but there's still ways to, you know.

Yeah, I think there's a time that we're able to back out of our agreement. I

think it's before we go to basics. We have to have that time to decide.

But at least we get the enlisting done tomorrow, and then, you know, we go from

there.

Yeah, but we've got time to get out of us in a minute if we really want to.

Yeah. Like, you know, we start training with that. It's not what we want. But,

like, I mean, I'm pretty sure it's what I want, you know, right?

I'm pretty sure it's what I want also.

That's good to know.

You guys always work so hard to make me feel good.

I do appreciate that.

always taught us hard work really does pay off.

The value of hard work.

I did raise two really hardworking boys.

I guess I could have done a lot worse, huh?

Yeah.

Couldn't have had two lazy boys that don't want to do anything.

You know, we're just wanting to take that step and do something good for

You know, everyone for you and our neighbors and our friends and

the country.

Yeah, I can say I'm proud of you guys for being so determined and being kind

stubborn. And always fighting for what we think is

ours and fighting for what we think is right.

The kitchen is such a mess.

But if you guys are going, I'm going to clean up after you. You know, the

lice is everywhere.

We make your food and have the dishes.

Right. You know, I actually like doing the dishes.

I'm not going to have a whole lot of dishes. It's me.

I'm sure, you know, you'll find other things to do.

Another way to keep yourself and your time occupied.

Yeah,

maybe I could pick up a hobby or... I don't know.

I can't cook for you guys. I can send you some of your favorite snacks.

Which is kind of fun.

Making alpacas and mail them to you. I can write, like, Christmas letters.

Maybe I'll get good at crocheting. I'll have to do my sweaters.

That would be nice.

Crocheting.

I'm sure you also want to join a book club.

Yeah, we've already talked about that.

Remember the neighbors always invited you over to join their book club, and

you're like, oh, maybe one day this will give you that opportunity to do that.

Oh, that sounds really fun.

I mean, book club, the thing, the craft room.

It's kind of hard because, you know, all the things that you guys requested, it

sounds fun, but, you know, it's kind of hard to do everything together.

Right. I know we do so much fun stuff together, it's just... I don't know if I

can replace that.

I'm a little tired, but... I think I can do it.

I mean, I don't know.

We'll see what happens.

But, again, it'll be fun for the neighbors. Then it'll be fun for all

friends that want you to join the book club and want you to take up crocheting

and everything else like that.

You'd have more time to spend with them.

Yeah, yeah.

I think, yeah, definitely you'd have a lot more fun with your time.

You're going to have a lot more fun. You're going to enjoy yourself a lot

There's a lot of other things you said you always wanted to try, like tennis.

You even said you wanted to try golf.

I'm excited for the day we got planned.

Me too.

Me too. It's going to be so much fun.

Yeah, I think it's going to be a lot, a lot of fun.

Yeah, totally.

I'm so excited for it.

So I planned a really cool pool day, you guys. I already got the inflatables

out. Oh, the inflatables! Awesome!

Yay!

Inflatables!

You can see how much more fun you can have. have at home if you don't go off

into the military.

What? They have guns there. You can shoot people.

We have guns here.

Oh shit.

Much much safer.

Awesome.

We don't get paid for this though. That's the problem.

The military gives you so many baskets, they hate your college.

Who's going to hate my college if I don't go to the army?

How are you going to have time for college if you're in the army?

You're going to get too busy.

It's going to take you forever.

I need another gun.

Mine's out of ammo.

Hey, watch it.

Oh, you watch it.

Hey, where are you going?

You're hiding behind your stepmom.

You know, I think it's only fair if I come and join in here.

Think that you love the school, you're going to love everything else.

Wow, that's so exciting.

I mean, I told you, I want you to stay. And if I only have one day to convince

you to stay, I'm going to make sure it's worth it.

If you guys go, I'm going to miss doing all of this with you.

You don't need this anymore. Yeah, but... It's so nice out.

It really is. It's such a beautiful day.

If you go into the military, you don't ever know where you're going to be. So

what if you're somewhere really, really cool?

You can't swim.

Yeah, but it's also in the military. What if we get to go somewhere really

like Germany?

Or like Hawaii. Or Hawaii.

Or Japan. Japan.

Okay, but you don't get to pick where you go, so what if you go somewhere

boring, like Oklahoma, and you're just stuck there?

And then you're not going to be able to come visit me, and you're going to be

sad because you're going to miss me, and you're going to be somewhere boring.

Why do we keep going over this? We already made our decision.

We're going in the military.

One day. If you decide you still want to go tomorrow, you can go.

But... Well, how about we do this?

How about we go and have you go on the walk?

Oh, that sounds fun.

Yeah, let's do that.

Let's go on the walk.

Just wait in.

Ready,

set, mom?

Yep. Ready, set, go.

What a fun day.

Okay, I'll pop her back. Yeah.

Ready?

I'm excited though, aren't you? Oh, I'm super stoked.

I can't wait.

We're going to get to go on crazy airplanes.

We're going to get to go around the world.

We'll send mom postcards from everywhere we go. Yeah, we'll do that. We'll send

mom postcards.

I don't want postcards. I want my son.

Thank you. You're so sweet.

I raised the nicest boys.

you too, but, you know, we really want to serve our country. We really want to

give back.

We gotta be men.

Yeah, we can't keep living with our mom and, you know, we have to grow up.

Save the world.

Together as brothers.

Make the world a better place.

Make our stepmom very proud.

But you both already make me so proud. And please just call me mom.

Yeah, but Mom, it's like... We'll be doing something with our lives going

the military.

Yeah, we're gonna make something of ourselves.

Plus, the ladies love a man in a uniform.

True.

I think people have uniforms.

Like, uh, the mailman.

That's much safer.

But mom.

The mailman doesn't get to have guns. The mailman doesn't get to have guns and

ladies don't like a mailman.

We should help her take off her clothes so she can put lotion on. Yeah.

Yeah. We should do that.

Come on. Come on, stand up.

Oh, you're both so sweet.

Yeah, you know, I have sensitive skin, so. It's our pleasure.

Probably do need some lotion on.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I'd hate to burn or anything.

Thankfully it's not too bright right now, but... Looks pretty nice.

Yeah.

Have you guys already put them on?

We'll put them on for you.

Thank you.

Dad, just tell us what's on your mind this morning.

And I hope you guys put some on this morning, too. I don't want you to burn

either. Of course. Especially if I can't convince you to stay, you can't go off

with a sunburn.

Of course. They're not nice there.

No.

I hate getting sunburned.

I always remember to put on my sunblock.

Well, of course they're nice, thank you.

We might have to come back out there. I thought we could do, like, a midnight

swim or something.

Yeah. That would be fun. As long as it's heated.

That would be fun. That would be a fun time. I don't want to get in any cold

water. Okay, no, we can warm it up.

I might have, you know, maybe some noodles or some other little toys in the

back, too.

Yeah? Yeah. Make it real exciting.

Play Marco Polo or something, maybe.

Oh.

I love Marco Polo. I love that game.

We used to do that all the time. We always loved it so much.

Yeah, we should play.

Definitely. We should 100 % play.

Who wants to start as Marco?

Not me.

I'll do it.

I mean, it's more about you guys. I need you guys to have fun.

Well, I'm sure we'll have fun. Whenever we hang out, Mom, we always have fun

together. I feel the same way. I love hanging out with you guys.

You would just take your mom along, right?

Of course not.

So, you guys, are you thinking of staying, maybe?

I don't know. It's just something we've got to think about.

Yeah. I don't know.

It's really time for us to be men.

Hey, I'm not like just getting a little tired and running around and everything.

This is a busy day already.

It really is.

But a fun day, right?

Yeah, a really good fun day.

I said you have a fun day planned for us. What else we got planned today?

Yeah. Any other fun activities?

I was thinking later, I'd make your favorite meal, maybe.

Nice dessert.

I was thinking maybe a movie.

Whatever. Anything you guys like to do. Do you have any ideas? I have a lot

planned, though.

I'm sure it's going to be a day full of really, really fun activities.

It's already starting out super fun.

It's a great start.

Also, while you guys are liking it, I put a lot of effort into making sure you

had a good time.

I want to make sure it's something you can't get or experience in the military.

And then you can only get it at home when you're spending time with your mom.

What are we going to eat, though? Any home -cooked meals?

Right.

I have some surprises planned. I was making a few favorites that you guys

I'm not going to say which ones, though.

Okay, come on. That's not fair. Yeah, that's not fair. We don't want

I think I can make maybe lasagna for you guys or a pizza.

Oh, like your homemade pizza that you make? Yeah, exactly.

I love that. Oh, those ingredients are so good. Yeah, oh my gosh, all organic,

so delicious.

If you leave, aren't you going to miss my pizza?

Yeah, but we'll have pizza for us. Yeah, but we can go to Italy and we can get

Italian pizza, we can get Italian pasta.

What about your friends?

I mean, yeah, we'll miss them, but it's not like we won't see them, right?

Exactly. Do you know how hard it is to just, you know, leave whenever you want?

You probably will get to come, like, once a year, and you're going to have to

take between me or seeing them, because you're going to have, like, a week,

maybe. Oh, come on. Mom, you know we're going to take you.

Well, then you're going to miss your friends. But see, there's the problem.

But we can make new friends.

Or maybe you go to, like, a college around here.

You can make new friends there and see your old friends.

Are you talking about girls in college?

Yeah, but there's girls in the military, isn't there?

Yeah, and we're going to be traveling the world meeting girls from all

types of countries.

Well, what if they're mean? I don't know. I mean, you don't know what those,

know, girls in the military might be like.

College girls are funny.

You can't argue with that one.

Yeah, that is true.

We do like funny girls. Yes, we do.

You miss me on a whole experience.

I don't know.

I just don't feel convinced.

I mean, the way the recruiter was telling us, we get college paid for, we

like, a grant from the government. Like, it just sounds... So much like a great

idea. A lot of the guys have, like... Healthcare for life. They have

for life. They have money to get, like, a brand new charger or challenger.

Oh, yeah.

I can't picture the ladies when we drive around in that thing.

Oh, my God.

See, I think waiting a few years on a car isn't too bad.

Right?

I mean, maybe I can help pay for part of it. So, I make up for the interest.

I don't know. We don't really want to wait any longer.

There's so much that you guys do to help me out.

He's gonna, I don't know, clean the pool?

Mow the lawn?

I mean, I'm sure we have friends that are staying here.

Yeah, I'm sure they'll help you out. Yeah, I didn't even do it.

We would love to help you.

I love the same thing.

I love, like, you know, seeing whenever you come inside and I get to make you

fresh lemonade after all your hard work.

Yeah, but we're grown men now. We don't need women anymore.

Yeah, we can take care of ourselves.

I don't know. I just don't think we can do that to your mom.

It's going to take some serious convincing for us to change our minds.

Yeah, a lot. This is what we want.

I mean, if I can't change your mind, then I guess I could get over it.

I'll spend all my nights alone just watching TV by myself and eating dinners

myself. Oh, come on, Mom. Don't make it sound like that.

I have so much more to do than doing things with my boys, you know?

Like, don't you think you're going to miss me? Will you not, you know, miss

doing things with me and spending time with me?

We will. We are, but...

We just really want to serve our country, you know?

I mean, yeah.

It's really noble.

I guess they did raise really, really good boys, huh?

Besides, you have something to tell all your girlfriends about and all the

neighbors.

You'll be able to brag about your kids being in the military.

Yeah, it's a pretty big deal.

And you get to get a lot of the benefits that we get.

I think I'd much rather have my sons than discounts.

Plus, like, all my friends are going to miss you guys so much.

They love you guys. You're both always so sweet.

I just think if I can convince you guys to stay even just for, like, another

day, you know?

Or a week.

Or a month.

Or maybe years.

Forever.

No, Mom, that's going to be a lot of convincing.

The military just has way too many good benefits.

Yeah, there's just so much to look forward to.

We love you and we love spending time with you, but we've got to be adults.

We've got to make money.

We've got to make a reputation for ourselves.

Yeah, we've got to carve our own path in this world.

I mean, that makes a lot of sense, but, you know, Most kids your age now still

stay at home for several years.

It's free.

And it makes it so easy to go to school if you don't have to work.

Or, you know, worried about being deployed somewhere.

Yeah, but that's... But that's most kids. You said it yourself. We're

Which means we're meant for something more, right?

Yeah, maybe you can go to medical school and cure cancer or something.

Or be a teacher and teach someone else to cure cancer.

A teacher?

So many other options.

A teacher, really?

Yeah, a teacher is so boring. It's almost as boring as sitting in a

watching traffic.

Well, there's other things. You know, maybe you go to the university and take

tour and you find something that you like.

Teacher just... I don't think a teacher would be cool. Plus, the uniforms, the

military uniforms, like, especially with the Marine Corps.

Oh, so sick, huh?

Dude.

And we'll have the most, like, big retro haircut.

Oh, man.

And it'd be kind of cool, maybe, if you went for acting, and then you could play

someone in the military, or, like, you could play an astronaut, or you could do

so many different things.

Acting? Mm -hmm.

You should think about it.

Acting? I don't know.

I mean, actors seem like they do it right for themselves.

Yeah, after basically living super poor for five, ten years.

Yeah, actors, I mean, they make good money for the short term, but long term?

No, not really.

Yeah, we don't want to act. We want to be ourselves.

I mean, okay, but I went to college, and I thought it was a lot of fun.

And, you know, they have so many degrees nowadays.

Like, I probably couldn't even name them all off the top of my head.

Yeah, but I don't know.

College is boring, too.

We want to go to the Army. We want to fight for our country. We want to travel

the world.

We want to do crazy stuff.

We don't want to do some normal civilian stuff.

Right.

I mean, I bet there's, you know, other jobs where you could travel the world.

Like I said, you just have to go check it out.

Or you go, you study abroad, and then you kind of get, like, a sample of a

place. And then you can figure out if you want to live there.

You know, financial aid can pay for that. I can pay for that.

I'm just saying, I think there's a lot of really good options that you aren't

considering.

Maybe.

Like?

What other options do they give us?

Not, you know, what other options outside the military are going to give

many benefits?

And that much privilege to travel?

Yeah, there's lots of other government jobs that, you know, you'd be getting

those similar benefits.

Maybe you could be an ambassador.

Oh, think of how impressed all my friends would be if I could tell them

sons are ambassadors.

I mean, I suppose, right? I mean, no, I don't know.

An ambassador?

That sounds so boring.

Like, maybe a pilot.

But we could do that in the military, too.

Like... You could be, you know, a normal pilot, though. Think of how much safer

that is.

And you get to fly to all these destinations.

And I've heard the pay is pretty good.

It's not nearly as strict as the military, I bet.

And flight attendants are hot. You're not going to have flight attendants in

military.

Well, actually, I have heard that.

I don't know. I still think the military is the better option.

Yeah, me too. I still think so, also.

I didn't realize you guys would be so stubborn all the time.

I mean, come on now.

We're your sons. We're both born in the month of May, too.

Yeah, we're just like you.

We're really stubborn.

We really want to fight for what we love, for what we believe in.

See, I'm trying to fill you guys on staying. You're not supposed to be

me on leaving.

But when you talk to us, we like that.

No, no, you still really, really should stay.

Yeah. What other benefits do we have of staying?

You're going to have to convince us.

I think we just need to find something else that will make you happy, too.

Besides, you know, going off and leaving me.

Well, I hope you have way better activities planned for us in time.

Yeah.

Hey, you feel like my pool party isn't fun?

The pool party was a great time.

See, I think, you know...

If this doesn't do it, like I said, the rest of your day will.

I mean, who knows their boys better than a mom, right?

Yeah, I hope so.

But who knows?

The school party is pretty awesome. I like it. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot of

It was great planning.

Definitely a really good planet.

Yeah, I mean, it's still not, you know, it's still not the, you know, real guns

or anything.

Yeah, not good enough, but like I said... Oh, we didn't say it wasn't good

enough. You didn't have to. If you still want to leave, then it wasn't good

enough for me.

But... Well, the day has just even started.

Exactly. See, I like that attitude.

We're going to have so much fun today, and, you know, tomorrow if you decide to

stay.

But I promise it'll be a good time if nothing else would be a really nice

farewell

I don't know. I mean, we had to tell tomorrow to let the recruiter know, or

it the day after?

Tomorrow? Tomorrow to let the recruiter know. Yeah, I think it was tomorrow.

Well, if it's not, if we're really tomorrow, then I can get you guys to go

breakfast, you know, maybe some pancakes, some bacon, eggs.

I think I have some OJ still.

Oh, and you have to make fresh beans and orange juice.

I love that.

I do like my fresh squeezed orange juice.

And coffee.

And the bacon and the eggs.

Yeah, I have to make sure you're properly fed because I've heard military

is terrible, so... Wait, is it?

I mean, that's what I've heard. Maybe you're confusing it with airplane food.

Yeah, I thought that was airplane food. I mean, airplane food is peanuts. I

thought military food was like a five -course meal.

They're both terrible.

So maybe the flight attendant idea is... on the plane wasn't a good idea.

I wonder if maybe, maybe the Air Force, maybe we get better food? Or is it all

the military?

I think it might be all the military.

Oh, we don't get that good of food?

I don't know, man. I miss Mom's cooking.

That's for sure. I miss Mom's cooking a lot.

Yeah, I know.

I see you didn't even think about that part.

And if you didn't think about that, think about all the other things you'd

Like comfy beds, getting to sleep in,

getting to stay up late, playing video games, watching movies.

Oh no, there's still a lot to think about.

All right, we got a long day to think about it, right?

Right. We got a long day.

I know you guys said that you had to let the recruiter know by tomorrow, but,

you know, if you decide that's not enough time to decide, you can always,

know, join another time. There are so many recruiters.

Oh, but, you know, our recruiter gave us a deadline.

I think it's tomorrow or the next day, right?

Yeah, I think it was, I thought it was tomorrow.

Well, you can call a different recruiter if you need more time to think about

it.

I don't know.

I don't know.

He was so nice and, you know, the way he talks about the military.

That's a sign -on bonus, too, if we sign up early.

It's like a 20 grand sign -on bonus.

I'm nice, but...

You don't seem like you're thinking that hard about staying here with me.

Are you going to give us a $20 ,000 sign -on bonus?

We can negotiate.

I'm open to negotiating that.

You know, maybe we can work out an allowance system.

Or, you know, there's lots of other jobs that offer bonuses.

You know, if they're electricians or...

mechanics. There's all kinds of stuff.

But, I don't know, maybe after a fun day we can look at other options.

And if they all sound terrible, you can, you know, go to the military.

I'll give in.

If everything else fails.

We still have to talk to our recruiter and make sure he's okay with the extra

time. Yeah, we're still gonna make sure he's okay with giving us a little bit of

extra time. Because what if he leaves out on the sign -on bonus if we say no?

If we still say yes, we'll wait like a week.

You can talk to him about waiting.

I'm okay with that.

I'm sorry.

I know I keep saying that, but... I love you guys. I want to be around my sons

all the time.

You know, we spent, like, your whole lives together.

Almost.

I joined a little late, but we're, you know, still family.

Yeah, yeah.

I just can't imagine being here without you guys.

Well, we'll see how the rest of the day goes. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see what

happens.

Well, if that's the best I'm going to get right now, then I'll take that.

And I am excited for you guys to see everything else.

We really are, too.

Sounds like you've got a lot planned for us. Yeah.

Inside this big house over here.

Well, I want to make sure it is the best day that you guys have ever had.

Wow, the best. The best day.

She's really working hard to try and convince us not to go in the military,

I know.

I told you.

I want to make sure I get as much time with my boys as possible.

And if I can't get a whole lot of time with you guys here, then, you know, as

much time with you, and then I can let you come stay really close to me.

Oh, that'd be so fun. You know, maybe visit your apartments, you know, near

their universities.

I could come visit you guys.

I could come bring you food. If you get hungry, I'll bring you a home -cooked

meal.

Oh, that'd be so nice.

That does sound kind of fun, a home -cooked meal.

like having your own faith and everything but if you ever knew me i'd

close by yeah i don't know maybe i don't

think about it man the sun's really bright today

i think we should go inside before one of us gets a really bad burn and i

have so much more inside to show you guys oh yeah what do you think Yeah,

go inside. Let's check it out. Yeah.

I thought maybe one of the last things we could do for the night would be to

look at some old family photos.

Yeah, that would be a great idea.

Oh, wow.

Look at how young Dad looked in that picture. I know.

Wow. Just like you. It's crazy.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. It's Cousin Michael. Look.

Wow. He had an afro. I can't believe it.

Whoa. That was an impressive outro, too.

Definitely, man. I don't know why you cut it.

You got your college parties.

You have your get -togethers with friends.

I see that. Okay.

Camping night.

Wow. You know, you guys are going to miss out on all of this.

Not just, you know, being able to see me and the rest of the family, but you can

make so many fun college memories.

There's parties all the time.

It's kind of embarrassing. I realize they have so many pictures from college

here.

But, you know, I kind of want you guys to be able to build those memories.

I mean, you know, the parties.

You guys have not been to a college party yet. They get absolutely insane.

I mean... Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, all the things I did when I was in college, I'm kind of embarrassed

to tell you.

I slept with so many guys.

No way.

I mean, it's just, I don't know, it's easier in college. Everyone's so ready

like, party and go out and have fun, you know?

Everyone's, like, horny all the time.

Yeah? Yeah, that's actually where I had my first threesome.

Oh, wow.

Was it with two guys or two girls?

Wow. So we would miss out on all this. Exactly.

Miss out on three thumbs.

Yeah.

I feel like now I'm finally getting through to you. Is that the selling

the whole time?

Well, it depends.

Is it with two guys or two girls?

For you, probably two girls.

I mean, all you could experiment. That's what college is for, you know?

Kind of discovering yourself.

Oh, yeah. Getting into trouble.

Experimentation? Mm -hmm.

I don't know. The Army seems pretty crazy, you know, and those foreign girls

from different countries, you know. They know we're American, you know,

servicemen. I mean... Imagine what they're doing.

Maybe we can, I don't know, figure this out by the end of the night.

Yeah. I mean, I think I could take you guys to the university. You know, I

one of my friend's daughters is a majority.

You know, maybe before you...

decide to leave, you go party there.

See how you like it? Meet a few ladies.

Wow.

But I heard they can't party in sororities, only in fraternities.

I mean, it's a little bit of both.

You're not supposed to, but things happen.

And once you have the parties with, you know, a bunch of girls.

Yeah. I mean, now you're starting to make some sense.

I mean, if you see good -looking guys, they're going to be all over you.

We may not even see the recruiter tomorrow.

Yeah, you might be able to convince us. I don't know. This sounds way too good

to be true, though.

And I really doubt you'll have a hearing rest today.

I think that might have been the best time of my life, you know?

Everyone's so wild and free.

You can do whatever you want, see as many people as you want.

You don't have to commit yet. Everyone's still alive.

Yeah? Mm -hmm.

Oh, man, if college is as good as you say, we might have to do that.

Like an actual college instead of, you know, military school.

Yeah, I knew I could say something that would change your mind.

I'm not fully convinced, but I'm getting there.

Well, I don't know. I think I'm starting to come around.

And, uh, you guys can go see foreign girls like you wanted to also.

You know, if you maybe do, like, some study abroad.

Oh, yeah, shit. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, I only thought foreign

college girls.

Way better.

I didn't think about that yet. It's a great idea. Right.

It's a really good idea.

I'm so glad I could help you guys, you know.

Maybe expand your minds a little bit.

You know, we wanted to give her four years of her

life.

Yeah. God, that's making more sense.

Well, it isn't that long. Boy, that military guy made it sound, though, man.

sounded so good. But now that you think about it, it's like... Mm -hmm.

It's not as good as it sounds.

No, definitely not. Too good to be true.

Yeah, so we'll go check out the campus this weekend, maybe. If you guys aren't

in, you know, as much of a rush to leave, we have a little bit more time.

Right.

We'll make a whole event out of it.

I can show you guys all the old bars that I went to. Oh, yeah, it was so much

fun. Yeah, and show us the sorority you went.

What was the sorority? Oh,

God.

Honestly, I don't even remember much from back then.

I'm probably adventurous, but, yeah, I didn't do well in college.

Too good to do all the things you guys don't want to do, you would say.

Well, Mom, you're pretty good at convincing, that's for sure.

Yeah.

We're definitely going to start by tomorrow and give the recruiter a really

time. Yeah.

I know I'm trying my hardest, but I really didn't want you guys to leave.

So I had to pull out all the stops.

You know, the pool party, going through, you know, the family photo album.

It's been so fun. We have so many more things we could do together.

Right.

Yeah.

There's a lot more family activities.

And we have a whole summer to have more cool parties.

Yeah, I think this is going to be a good time for it.

Really, really enjoyable.

reconsider the whole military thing. We can always do that at a later date.

Yeah, we can always sign up for the Army.

They'll always take us, right? You know, you might get a little bit less time

bonus, but, you know.

You know, the experience is what you'll have to make up for that.

What about all those foreign chicks, those hot foreign chicks?

Do you want to meet them?

Yeah, definitely.

We're going to, I don't know, we're going to, we'll have to have mom, again,

take us to all her favorite sororities, and who knows, man, maybe we'll meet

enough foreign girls.

Because we get a lot of transfer students at the university, too.

You might get to meet a lot of people without even having to go anywhere.

That's true.

Plus, we could stay close to our friends, though, this way.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Thank you.

Oh,

yeah, but what about Hawaii and Japan and Germany?

I mean, the world. We could travel around for free.

I mean, it's not like we couldn't plan a trip there or something, you know? Mm

-hmm.

You can take Mom with, uh, just me and you and Mom.

Sounds like a fun time to me. Oh, yeah, I'd love that.

Or, you know, even if you guys, like, you know, if you're cool, there's always

grants and scholarships. You guys are really smart about getting scholarships.

Sounds so good.

You are really good at convincing, huh?

Yeah, very good at convincing.

Wow.

It's really easy to be good at convincing when you have a lot on the

Yeah? Well, I don't want to leave you guys.

Maybe we'll have so much fun together.

That is true. We have a lot of fun together.

Yeah. We always have.

The most memorable moments.

Yeah. It's always been a ton of fun.

I mean, guess what? How much more fun we can have now that you guys are staying.

Right.

I can't wait to hear about your adventures with you.

Anything you guys do when you go and party?

You don't like hearing about all your stories and everything?

Awesome, that's so fun.

I'm so excited for you guys.

It was really, really exciting.

Really, really hard decision to make.

This is a really, really important point in our lives.

Right, like having a ton of fun with mom and going to parties and being a normal

college kid.

Having the three thumbs and stuff or doing something like, you know, life

changing.

Really life changing.

Like I said, I mean, we'll go to the campus and see what other jobs they

Or, you know, degree four jobs.

I'm just so excited.

I think maybe to celebrate you guys staying, you should have maybe like

another night kind of like this one, you know? Make you guys your favorite

dinner.

Let's see, we can end it by watching some movies.

Another pool party, obviously.

Look at all the toys this time. Maybe you guys can invite your friends.

Wow. That's a bad idea.

That's a bad idea.

Maybe it's, like, coming over?

Yeah. I think they'd enjoy it. I think they would love it.

Oh, plus I haven't seen any of them in a while.

It'd be nice to catch up, won't it?

It'd be really nice to catch up.

Nice, too.

You know, if you guys left in a couple weeks, you might miss someone's

And I do love celebrating you guys' birthdays with you.

That's true. You know, birthdays are always fun.

Yeah, they are really fun.

We always do something so special when it's our birthday, and even when it's

your birthday, we always go out and do something really fucking, like, amazing.

You know how I love planning, especially for when it's for you two.

Let's make our boys feel special, you know?

Let you both know how much I care about you.

I'd do everything for you that I could.

That is why you're the best mom.

You are the best.

You guys are so sweet.

We care so much. Go giving up your time.

Well, you both deserve it.

I mean, not everyone gets to have kids as wonderful as you two.

So caring.

Sweetie, you still can't swim to your boat, save you.

The college girls are going to be so lucky.

Maybe we can make you spend your extra time here.

Maybe I'll move you around.

Oh, looks like we have a really hard decision to make. I know, right?

It's very difficult.

Too bad you can't speak to the recruiter directly.

That way, you know, we could hear both of you guys at the same time.

I mean, I don't know. I'm convinced maybe I'd talk him into leaving.

That'd be funny. You'd talk the recruiter into leaving.

That'd be funny. That would be very funny.

I mean, clearly I'm a convincing lady, right?

Right.

We'll just show them the family album.

I think that's what did it for you guys.

Well, I think it was more, I mean, the family album definitely helped, but it

was more about the crazy college story. Like, wow, Mom, you know that. Such a

slut. Yeah.

You totally were a slut in college.

Yeah, I was.

Well, now you know where your boys get it from.

I know. You guys really are just like me.

That's why I know you're going to have fun.

And you don't have to tell me what all you get up to.

Unless you want to, you know. We are really close. You can share anything

me.

Yeah.

Anything? Yeah, of course.

That's the bad thing about this family. We're always, we're all so close.

Yeah, every family's like that.

Yeah. It's really, really special. You're so open with us and upfront.

Thank you. I don't particularly think so.

I don't think you're doing a good job at convincing me. Yeah.

A really good job.

I'm almost fully convinced.

I don't know. I can't convince him that I need to fully convince him today.

Me too.

There's one thing missing too for me. One more.

I have to make sure I take care of my voice.

Yeah.

I don't deserve to have you stay anyway.

Oh, it's not like that.

really?

really? like a hellcat?

You know, I've been thinking about it since you guys brought it up, and the

I think, the more I'm like, yes, why not?

We deserve it, so why not make it happen?

That'd be... Special.

Special.

That'd be really, really special.

I don't

think we can get a Hellcat right away if we go to the Army.

Right, yeah, we'd have to wait.

I mean, who wants to wait?

You guys are as much like me as you seem.

I know that you're impatient, but you don't want to wait on that.

I wouldn't want to.

Definitely not.

The military, you know, we're not, you know, going to be allowed to have cars

the whole time either because we're going to be traveling and going to other

countries. Oh, yeah. That's totally true.

Just imagine if you had to go overseas and you'd have to leave your helicopter

here.

Oh, no. Yeah, that's true.

That would be horrible.

I mean, that would be more than horrible.

Yeah, I hate that for you guys. You know, I don't like kids that are mad or

Think about all the sorority girls you can impress with their new cars too.

I didn't think about that.

Yeah, you're right. A lot of people are going to be really impressed.

Mm -hmm.

And there's probably about plenty of girls over here.

Yeah, think about all the parties and sororities we could have and, you know,

Right. And then, you know, Mom did say we could bring the girls up here, and

did appear in the room, and then it was our house.

And then, man, we could still party out in the pool.

Man, think of all the sorority girls we can have out there. We'd have, like, 50

girls out there.

Wow. Dude, that, I don't know, man. That, to me, sounds a lot better than

in a barrack with 50 men.

Might just be me, you know, but... You're trading phony dudes for sorority

girls.

I know how important privacy is. That's why I thought that you guys have the

whole thing to yourself.

Yeah.

I mean, we already got the phobies, too. We got the avocado, you got the swan.

The swan. Dude.

Man.

I got an idea with the swan, man. I'll have a girl riding one, you know,

on the swan.

Yeah, that's how creative you guys are.

Plus, you know, that fence is pretty good.

Neighbors wouldn't say anything.

I'm so excited.

And you guys, I'll take a lot of pictures.

Don't take any that are, you know, too inappropriate or raunchy. But, you know,

like the more tame ones. And then,

you know, maybe in the future when your kids want to run off and do them.

Something crazy.

In some of your college days.

That's what we have cell phones for, right?

Oh, well, yeah, I guess.

But we don't want any evidence on paper.

That's not fair.

This is not the same feeling, though. You know, there's just something so

authentic about going through and flipping through, like, a photo album.

Looking at it with your kid.

I can't wait to see what you guys understand.

Well, you're all going off to college.

Soon we're going to be married with kids.

And you taught... You educated us, actually.

Yeah, I tried to teach you guys well.

Yeah.

You always do your best.

Well, I have to do the best for my boys.

Because they're going the best.

Aw, Mom, that's so sweet.

Yeah, we're so lucky to have you.

Aw, you guys.

You've been so nice to me today, I swear.

Well, I mean, it was news we dropped on you about, you know, potentially joining

the military, and, you know, that, that can be... Oh, yeah. We kind of, we

started to realize how hard that is. And plus, we love you, so... Yeah, that

was, uh,

that was quite the ball you guys dropped on me.

Scared me a little bit, you know? I'm not ready for you guys building this

out.

I really believe in you guys.

And maybe we could go to the dealership at the end of this week, you know?

Yeah, that'd be fun.

We could go check out some of the cool cars up there. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. We could get that done sooner rather than later. That way it

look a little bit harder.

but you don't change your mind.

I'm trying my hardest to convince you.

Well, you're doing a good job. I think we're being kind of convinced.

Thank you.

In fact, I mean, at this point, I might even call and cancel an appointment with

a recruiter.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I know I said make breakfast tomorrow, but if you're canceling, you

could probably just go out for brunch or something.

Yeah, you know what?

Not a bad idea.

French toast sounds kind of good.

In fact, we could have dinner tonight, breakfast tomorrow, brunch tomorrow,

lunch tomorrow, and dinner tomorrow.

I like the look of crust appetite.

Well, the taste has been so memorable and so special.

I don't know, it just makes me hungry almost.

Yeah, man.

It's been so much, like, different news and stuff.

Different news, like, yeah.

The first news we wrote to you, and now we're potentially reconsidering that.

I know.

I mean, I thought my life was going to go in one direction in the morning, and

now it's going to go in the opposite direction. Now that college thing has

gotten so much better and better.

It really is.

When mom talks about it, like, wow, three thumbs, girls.

These are already chicks.

Wow. It's going to be such a blast.

It doesn't even sound like we're going to learn anything.

Right? I'm so glad you guys are getting invited.

It just sounds like we're going to be, you know, fucking beautiful women the

whole time.

Yeah, sometimes more than one time, more than one -on -one. Yeah, I know, right?

Dude, that sounds fucking fantastic, right? Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Wow, why didn't you just say that to begin with, Mom? Yeah, I know, right?

on, man.

That's what I needed to say. I already know the words I just tell this military

recruiter. Am I going to be fucking more than one girl at a time? Be like, am I

going to be getting pussy?

Or if I'm not, you know, if it's just money, then I'm good. I don't need the

pussy. Or I don't need the money, I need the pussy.

You boys are so funny.

What's the point of it all, you know? If I'm not making money, you know, getting

pussy, what's the point?

That's a lot, man.

That's a lot of years that we'd be wasting our life away.

Well,

you know, I think

it's about time we should maybe call the recruiter.

Yeah, we should do that.

We can do that here shortly.

Yeah. I'm so glad you guys are, you know, thinking about staying with me,

sounds like you're pretty committed.

You have no idea how happy that makes me, knowing that I'll get to spend so

time with you guys still.

Oh, oh, shit.

Oh, oh, oh.

I really don't think I'm going to stay. You're going to stay. Oh, yeah, I think

we're going to stay.

What makes you so happy and scared?

Go ahead and call the recruiter first thing in the morning and let them know.

Yeah, we should do that.

That's a good idea. We'll definitely do that.