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1
00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:08,076
Hey, what are you doing home
in the middle of the afternoon?
2
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,112
Look outside.
3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,248
Huh.
4
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,218
I guess the day
got away from me.
5
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,154
So, you still depressed?
6
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,722
What do you think?
7
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:25,426
Well, by the looks of things,
I'd say you're one sad song away
8
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,661
from deep-throating
a shotgun.
9
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:31,299
Be a pal and put down
a tarp first.
10
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,203
How did my life
get to this point, Charlie?
11
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,305
How does a man sink this low?
12
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:41,342
Well, in all fairness,
you had a running start.
13
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,445
Sorry, sorry.
14
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:45,246
Go on.
15
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,148
Things were going so well.
16
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:49,350
I had a young, hot girlfriend
17
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,519
who fulfilled
all my sexual desires.
18
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,754
How many desires
are we talking about?
19
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:57,891
Just the one, you know.
20
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,261
For sex.
21
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,197
But now she's gone.
22
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,865
Aw, buddy.
23
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,667
She's not really gone.
24
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,569
You know where she is.
25
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,205
Yeah.
26
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,640
And where is
that, Alan?
27
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:16,110
Why are you doing this?
28
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,611
Say it, Alan.
29
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,448
The healing begins when
you can say it out loud.
30
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:26,320
My girlfriend is living
with my ex-wife.
31
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:29,290
You know, I was wrong.
32
00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,591
It's not the healing
33
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,660
that begins when
you say it out loud,
34
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,696
it's the laughter.
35
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,998
Nice talking to you.
36
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,400
Wait, wait,
wait, hold on.
37
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,270
Don't you want to hear how I
can help you with all this?
38
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,538
I am not going back
to Tijuana for another
39
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,508
X-rated live performance
of The Bride and the Burro.
40
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,315
Okay, okay,
first of all,
41
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,716
that's not what I
was gonna suggest.
42
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,519
But if you recall,
that trip got you through
43
00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:01,289
a particularly dark, depressing
part of your divorce.
44
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,123
The first time
you smiled in months
45
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,758
was when you caught the bouquet.
46
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,160
All right, all right.
47
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,596
Against my better judgment,
I'm gonna go ahead and ask.
48
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,130
How do you propose to help me?
49
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:14,101
Well, first, let's make sure
that we agree on the problem.
50
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,238
Your ex-wife has befriended
your girlfriend.
Yes.
51
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:20,808
And your girlfriend has moved in
with your ex-wife.
52
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,042
Yes.
53
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,778
And now your ex-wife is turning
your girlfriend against you.
54
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,847
How many times do we have
to go through this?
55
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:31,652
Just until it stops being funny.
56
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:35,289
Anyway, anyway, it would seem
to me the simple solution
57
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:37,758
is to find someone to speak
to Kandi on your behalf,
58
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:38,892
someone she trusts.
59
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,861
Yes, that would be great.
60
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:41,895
Now what's your point?
61
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,398
WOMAN:
Charlie?
62
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,866
If you're not
coming back to bed,
63
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:49,837
at least tell me where you keep
the fresh batteries.
64
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,505
I'll be right up.
65
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,775
And it's rechargeable.
66
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,846
My point is,
67
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,848
I'm banging Kandi's mom.
68
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,217
Wh-what?
69
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,355
You're welcome.
70
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,559
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
71
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,728
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
72
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,665
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
73
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,767
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... *
74
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,603
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
75
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,673
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
76
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:30,678
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
77
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,291
CHARLIE ( singsong ):
Who is it?
78
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,326
You know damn well who it is.
79
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,628
( singsong ):
I'm entertaining.
80
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:51,832
( singsong ):
Not as much
as you seem to think.
81
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,401
Hang on.
82
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:57,004
Not you. You let go.
83
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,372
Come on in, Alan.
84
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,240
Are you decent?
85
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:03,344
WOMAN:
He's above average.
86
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:06,414
CHARLIE:
Just come in.
87
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:11,652
Come on.
88
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,554
Oh, he's cute.
89
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,756
I can see why
Kandi likes him.
90
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,124
Used to like him.
91
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,760
Oh, yeah, I'm so
sorry about that.
92
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:20,861
Come, sit.
93
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,162
Let's talk about it.
94
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,465
Are you sure
I'm not interrupting?
95
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,799
Don't worry about it.
96
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,436
We're kind of at the seventh
inning stretch anyway.
97
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,871
Wow, you can go
two more innings?
98
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:35,208
Even if I have to start
throwing knuckleballs.
99
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,544
Sit down.
100
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,545
Okay.
101
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,517
So, uh, you're Kandi's mom, huh?
102
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:44,652
Mandi.
103
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:45,386
Alan.
104
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,887
Some grip, huh?
105
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,726
Well, Mandi, I can see
106
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,295
where your daughter
gets her good looks from.
107
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,630
Thank you.
108
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,632
You know, a lot of people
think we're sisters.
109
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,368
Ooh, there's
a mental picture
110
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,503
that'll get me through
the last two innings.
111
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:03,637
Don't be naughty.
112
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,439
Why, are you gonna
spank me?
113
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,106
I just might.
114
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,641
I just might let you.
115
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:11,011
I just might go hang myself.
116
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,313
Oh, relax.
117
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,215
Kandi said he was
a little shy.
118
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:16,884
You know, the first
time they had sex,
119
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,952
he didn't even
take his shirt off.
120
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,287
Excuse me, that wasn't shyness.
121
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,155
The first time I had
sex with your daughter,
122
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,091
I barely got my pants off.
123
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,026
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
124
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,227
Boundaries.
125
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,196
This is Kandi's mom.
126
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,564
Oh, I'm sorry.
127
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,967
I didn't mean to create
an awkward moment.
128
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:39,239
But enough about me.
129
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,209
How is it that
you two are...
130
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,077
I mean,
you know, uh, uh,
131
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,448
how did you exactly...
132
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,450
What the hell is going on here?
133
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:52,520
Good question,
and a great story.
134
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,355
Mandi showed up here
looking for Kandi.
135
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:59,092
That's not a great story.
136
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,327
Sure it is.
137
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,531
It's already had like
half a dozen happy endings.
138
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:06,600
You are definitely
going over my knee.
139
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,536
Alan, we got
to wrap it up here.
140
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,971
But you said
you'd help me with Kandi.
141
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,339
I didn't say now.
142
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,207
Do you want me to
talk to her, Alan?
143
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,609
I would really appreciate it.
144
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,412
Excuse me, but the pitcher's
all warmed up
145
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,647
and ready to take the mound.
146
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:23,283
Of course, I'm kind
of busy at the moment.
147
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,052
Got it.
148
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:30,190
( Mandi and Charlie
humming"Charge" )
149
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:33,661
MANDI:
Charge!
150
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,631
* Men... *
151
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,334
Hey, Dad.
Hey, buddy...
152
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,436
Mom, Dad's here!
153
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,336
Shh, shh, shh.
154
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,272
No, don't bother
your mom.
155
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:46,306
Is Kandi around?
156
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,541
Yeah, she lives here now.
157
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:48,642
Yeah, I know.
158
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,545
Does this mean
she and Mom are gay?
159
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:55,015
No, it does not.
160
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,183
Too bad.
161
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,452
Why?
162
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,854
It'd be a lot easier to explain.
163
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,724
Could you just tell
Kandi I'm here?
164
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:04,658
Okay.
165
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,093
Kandi, my dad's here!
166
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,628
Shh, shh.
167
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,429
What do you want, Alan?
168
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,798
I want to talk to Kandi.
169
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,000
I don't think
that's a good idea.
Why not?
170
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,602
Because she's a sweet,
innocent girl,
171
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,037
and I don't want you
to ruin her life, too.
172
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:17,705
Too?
173
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,272
How did I ruin
your life?
174
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,407
You stole my youth.
175
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,075
You took my house!
176
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,879
That seems like
a fair trade.
177
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,280
Face it, Alan.
178
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,583
This whole escapade with Kandi
is just a pathetic attempt
179
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,451
to find a younger version of me.
180
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,921
Are you kidding?
181
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,756
Judith, I had a younger
version of you,
182
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,526
and let me tell you,
it was no great shakes.
183
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:40,494
It's okay, Judith.
184
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:41,895
I'll talk to him.
185
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,797
Oh, sweetie, he doesn't
really want to talk to you.
186
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,333
There's only one thing a man
like this is interested in.
187
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,869
What?
188
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:49,737
Forget it.
189
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,038
I'm here if
you need me.
190
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,041
( clears throat )
191
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,945
Listen, Kandi, I'm really
sorry about our fight.
192
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:02,482
I know I can be a bit
of a control freak,
193
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,184
but I honestly
care for you,
194
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:08,155
and I hope you'll give
me another chance.
195
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,590
I see.
196
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:10,791
Excuse me.
197
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,600
I can't let you
steal my youth.
198
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,571
You're not fooling
anybody, Judith.
199
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:26,173
Come on, Kandi, tell
me what you think.
200
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,307
Okay.
201
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:31,111
I think we've reached an
implants in our relationship.
202
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,880
JUDITH:
Impasse!
203
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:37,284
I think we've reached
an impasse in our relationship.
204
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,686
Good-bye.
205
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,661
Excuse me, is this
Judith Harper's house?
206
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,631
Yeah. She traded it
for her youth.
207
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,936
( doorbell rings )
208
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,938
Hi, Daddy!
209
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,239
Hi, sweetheart!
210
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:01,642
Come on in.
211
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,276
Judith can't wait
to meet you.
212
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,244
I can't wait
to meet her.
213
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:07,314
KANDI:
I know you two are gonna
love each other.
214
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,683
( door closes )
215
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,251
I watch one donkey sex show,
216
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,554
and you make me pay for it
the rest of my life!
217
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,657
* Men... *
218
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,596
CHARLIE ( singsong ):
Who is it?
219
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,598
Don't screw with me, Charlie.
220
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,366
We need to talk.
221
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,968
Give me a sec.
222
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:31,705
MANDI:
Charlie, you're just
making it tighter.
223
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,307
CHARLIE:
Come on in, Alan.
224
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,478
Hey there.
225
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,580
Hi ya.
226
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:43,350
You know, I can come back.
227
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,584
It's okay, Alan.
228
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,419
Come, sit.
229
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:49,289
All right.
230
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,494
So, how'd it go with Kandi?
231
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,097
If it had gone well,
do you think I'd be sitting here
232
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,299
talking to
two half-naked people?
233
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:00,567
Alan.
234
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:01,702
What?
235
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,871
I'm completely naked.
236
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,440
What happened, Alan?
237
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,810
Well, as I suspected,
238
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,745
Judith has turned
your daughter against me.
239
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,113
Well, I'm not surprised.
240
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,615
Kandi's always been
very suggestible.
241
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:16,984
You know, until
she was eight,
242
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,419
she thought this
was her nose.
243
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:19,820
Aw, that's kind of cute.
244
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,154
When Alan was eight,
245
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,824
I convinced him he only had
two weeks to live.
246
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,561
But I suppose that tells you
more about me than him.
247
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,031
Yeah, good times.
248
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,069
But back to recent events...
249
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,638
Ooh, ooh. Remember when
I told you the cat litter box
250
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,841
was filled with Almond Roca?
251
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,810
He ate four of them.
( laughs )
252
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,245
Are we done visiting
253
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,115
Charlie Harper's Museum
of Sibling Cruelty?
254
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,018
Because I actually have
something to talk about.
255
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,285
Oh, I'm sorry.
256
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:56,556
I didn't realize
I was interrupting you.
257
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:57,524
Go ahead, Alan.
258
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,726
Thank you.
259
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:01,028
So as I was leaving
my ex-wife's house,
260
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,996
I ran into your ex-husband.
261
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:03,897
Andy?
262
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:04,898
I guess.
CHARLIE:
Wait a second.
263
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:08,401
It's Mandi,
Andy and Kandi?
264
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:11,071
What's your point?
265
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,907
No point.
266
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,977
Mandi, Andy, Kandi.
267
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,145
Dandy.
268
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,249
Anyway, it appears as if Kandi
269
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,285
has set my ex-wife up
on a blind date with him.
270
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,920
How nice.
271
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,255
Nice? How is that nice?
272
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,258
Well, he's been kind of
depressed since we broke up.
273
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,660
It's good to see he's
getting back on the horse.
274
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:36,496
But that horse is my ex-wife!
275
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,098
Speaking of which,
276
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,801
did you ever see The Bride
and the Burro in Tijuana?
277
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,302
See it?
278
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,570
I caught the bouquet.
279
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,072
( chuckles )
So did Alan.
280
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,507
Oh.
281
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:52,079
( sighs )
Always a bridesmaid,
never a burro.
282
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:55,415
Charlie, I'm starting to
lose feeling in my arm.
283
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,750
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
284
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,385
Hey, you went pretty far
in the Scouts.
285
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,753
Can you undo this knot?
286
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,655
Gee, actually, I specialized
in Indian lore--
287
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,591
beaded belts,
arrowheads,
288
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:05,993
but good luck, though.
289
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,528
Maybe you should go
get a pair of scissors.
290
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,463
Hang on,
let me untie my feet.
291
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,433
( clears throat )
292
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:19,472
We really didn't
think this through, did we?
293
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,241
* Men... *
294
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:26,579
So, has your mom been seeing
a lot of Kandi's dad?
295
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:27,647
That-that's right.
296
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:32,185
If she married him,
Kandi would be your stepsister.
297
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:36,123
Hey, hey, do you happen to know
if they're going out tonight?
298
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:40,193
Yep, if I married Kandi,
she would be your stepmother.
299
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:45,598
But, but tonight,
is your mom going out tonight?
300
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,867
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
301
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:50,938
If Kandi took a poop,
it'd be your step stool.
302
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:06,820
All right, well...
it's always good to talk to you.
303
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,857
Love you, buddy.
304
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,358
Did you get all that, Berta?
305
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,962
I think so, but let's
do a quick recap.
306
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,496
Your girlfriend's
living with your ex-wife,
307
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,599
your ex-wife is dating
your girlfriend's father,
308
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:23,103
and to top it off, you're trying
to get useful intelligence
309
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:26,039
from a kid who's got
precious little to spare.
310
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,108
Okay, just checking.
311
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,910
CHARLIE:
Hey, Berta,
312
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,744
I want you to meet Mandi.
313
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,546
Mandi, Berta.
Hi.
314
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:34,848
Enchante.
315
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:38,018
Listen, uh...
316
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,319
we got a pair
of scissors handy?
317
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,989
Oh, Charlie,
that's a silk tie.
318
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,892
Why didn't you use one
of the poly blends?
319
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:45,959
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
320
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,294
That's my tie.
321
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,661
You ruined my tie.
322
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:49,897
Oh, yeah.
323
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,231
You're not
gonna be happy
324
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,333
about your electric
toothbrush, either.
325
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,972
Kandi's told me so many nice
things about you.
326
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,340
How do you know Kandi?
327
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,341
She's my daughter.
328
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,910
Your daughter?
329
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,277
Sweet whistling Geronimo!
330
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,279
You people are like
a box of hamsters,
331
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,281
just crawling all
over each other.
332
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,351
Yes, yes.
333
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,087
We all get
how this looks, Berta.
334
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,422
Hey, I'm not knocking it.
335
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,557
I'm just wondering
when some of that gravy's
336
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,859
gonna spill over on my 'taters.
337
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,364
* Men... *
338
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,468
( doorbell rings )
339
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,470
Hey, what's up?
340
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,973
"What's up?"
341
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,341
What are you doing here?
342
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,977
Well, Mandi came over
to put in a good word for you,
343
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:40,513
and I figured
I'd tag along for grins.
344
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:44,251
Oh, here comes one now.
345
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,454
Come on in.
346
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,556
I'm in a nightmare,
347
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,292
and I can't wake up.
348
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:55,128
Sit down, make yourself at home.
349
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,468
Thanks, I will.
350
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,003
Where's Jake?
351
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,538
He's at a sleepover.
352
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:06,673
Hi, Alan.
353
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,575
How are you?
354
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,979
About two heartbeats
from a brain aneurysm.
355
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,347
Where's Kandi?
356
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,415
She's in her room,
357
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,184
but I thought
we should talk first.
358
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,754
We just have a few questions.
359
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,523
About what?
360
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,725
Charlie?
361
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,660
Well, Kandi's
mom and I
362
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,297
are a little concerned
about your intentions.
363
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:37,604
You should be,
'cause I intend to kill you.
364
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,174
( sighs )
365
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,410
Now, that's the kind of
attitude that isn't gonna
366
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:46,279
win you a lot of friends
around here, mister.
367
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,849
Alan, you're a very
sweet man.
368
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:50,950
But let's face facts.
369
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,852
Kandi has her whole
life ahead of her,
370
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:56,990
while you...
not so much.
371
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,560
Kandi!
Alan?
372
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:01,928
I am so sorry.
373
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,363
No, I'm sorry.
374
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,933
Oh, isn't that sweet?
375
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,069
I missed you so much.
376
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,970
I missed you,
too, Huggy Bear.
377
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:14,541
Mom, I'm gonna go have
sex with Alan, okay?
378
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:17,277
You kids have fun.
379
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,912
Hold on there, young man.
380
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,148
What?
381
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,982
Don't be a
selfish lover.
382
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,951
Consider her needs.
383
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,321
This isn't over.
384
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:36,996
You're right,
he is easy to screw with.
385
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,398
Hey, four pieces
of Almond Roca.
386
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:42,035
Even the cat was
laughing at him.
387
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,105
So, should we head
back to my place?
388
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,973
I suppose.
389
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,375
What's wrong?
390
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:53,080
Nothing, it's just...
we already had sex there.
391
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:57,150
Oh, baby, I really,
really like you.
392
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,018
Well, thank
you, Judith.
393
00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,720
I had a wonderful
evening, and I hope
394
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,555
we can do it
again some...
395
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:09,028
( both moaning )
396
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:12,265
...maybe catch
a movie.
397
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,435
...or go for a hike.
Uh-huh.
398
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:19,172
I'm guessing that's
your ex-husband.
399
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,241
Uh-huh.
Good-looking man.
400
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,442
Oh, he's gorgeous.
401
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,344
Dumb as wood.
402
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:25,612
JUDITH:
Oh, my Lord!
403
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,548
But it's good wood.
404
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:32,219
I'll go find Alan so we
can get out of here.
405
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:33,553
You want to leave?
406
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:34,587
This is so hot.
407
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:38,358
Oh, Mandi, you just keep
getting better and better.
408
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,460
Hang on while I
give Alan a heads up.
409
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:44,464
Hurry back.
410
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,706
Alan?
411
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,343
( knocks )
412
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,980
Alan?
413
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:04,484
JUDITH:
You are the most beautiful man
I have ever seen.
414
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,887
Not Alan.
415
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:11,491
I couldn't find him...
416
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,626
Mandi?
417
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,627
Mandi?
418
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,062
ANDY:
You know what
else I like?
419
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:18,531
Swap meets.
JUDITH:
Swell.
420
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,668
Your ex-husband must be
a real little guy, huh?
421
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:22,569
Forget about him.
422
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:25,772
Let's get some wine
in you.
Okay.
423
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,246
Mandi.
424
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:36,115
Glasses are in there.
Mm.
425
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,919
No, no, top shelf.
426
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,222
Okay.
427
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:47,827
That's what
I'm talking about.
428
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,396
JUDITH:
Come on.
429
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,700
Do you ever
go rock climbing?
430
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,768
It's a great workout.
431
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:03,042
Mandi?
432
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,978
Mandi?
433
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,881
Mandi?
434
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,050
Alan?
435
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,018
Anybody?
436
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,686
Over here.
437
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,892
Oh, damn it!
438
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,597
What are you doing?
439
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,266
I was thirsty.
440
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,034
Have you seen Alan?
441
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,970
I've been in the closet.
442
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,605
So where the hell is he?
443
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,807
I'm sorry I'm
so nervous.
444
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,210
I haven't been
with another woman
in a long time.
445
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,846
Yeah, yeah.
Take off your robe.
446
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,081
Okay.
447
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:45,218
JUDITH:
Hot damn.
448
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:49,522
Yeah, it is hot.
449
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,231
Hi, Daddy!
450
00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,766
Hey, Judith.
451
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:04,237
Daddy, I want you
to meet my boyfriend Alan.
452
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,072
Nice to see you again.
453
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,275
Small world.
454
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,212
* Men...
455
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,385
JUDITH:
Just get out!
456
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,886
I'll give you a call, Judith.
457
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,921
Maybe we'll hit
some garage sales.
458
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,923
Yeah, terrific.
459
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:30,363
I like your daughter.
460
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,165
I like your ex-wife.
461
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,502
Want to get a drink?
462
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:39,472
I'm not doing anything.
463
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:43,410
Do you like garage sales?
464
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:46,379
KANDI:
Where am I supposed to go?
465
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:49,449
JUDITH:
I don't care, just leave.
466
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,451
But I thought
we were friends.
467
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:54,387
Friends don't have sex
with their friends' ex-husbands
468
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,055
in the first friend's hot tub.
469
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:58,358
Yeah-huh!
470
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,929
Divorced three years,
and he's still ruining my life.
471
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:06,966
I should have drowned
his stupid ass.
472
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:10,803
Did you hear
something?
473
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,772
Nope.
474
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:13,740
How's the head?
475
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:16,409
Let's find out.
31691
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