Original subtitles

[Daffy snoring]

[instrumental music]

[beep]

[Daffy snoring]

Hey, wake up.

Come on. You're snoring. Wake up.

[snoring]

Daffy, wake up!

[snoring]

Alright, fine.

[snoring]

[snoring continues]

[sighs]

Do you need to sigh so loudly?

I'm trying to sleep!

[snoring]

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

[munching]

You look terrible.

You should get more sleep.

More sleep?

I can't get any sleep

because of your snoring.

What? I've tried everything.

Breathing strips, mouth guards, eye patches, jockstraps.

Self tanner, canker sore cream, and I still snore.

Really? Canker sore cream didn't work?

What's the big deal? I snore. You brush your teeth.

We all have our little quirks.

Daffy, you gotta see someone about your snoring.

It's a problem.

Not a problem for me. I sleep great.

Well, it's a problem for me.

And I know just how to fix it

permanently.

[intense music]

How is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building

gonna fix my snoring?

Oh, right. Snoring.

[elevator bell dings]

What's this doctor's name again?

- Dr. Weisberg. - Weisberg.

- What is that, Irish? - Uh!

Hey, that's Porky's office.

Murphy and Associates.

Murphy. What is that, Jewish?

- What are you doing? - Recipes.

- You don't cook. - Well, I don't have the time.

But "7-Minute Meals"

it's perfect for busy moms like me.

Oh!

I'm gonna go visit Porky.

Fine, more salmon balls for me.

This is taking forever.

- Where's the bathroom? - Right down the hall.

Oh, you need a key.

A key to go to the bathroom?

What, you don't trust me?

You think I'm gonna steal your toilet?

Uh! What happened to this country?

[Bugs speaking hoarsely] 'Porky, can I see you in my office?'

[stuttering] Wh-Wh-Wh.. What'd I do?

[laughing]

B-Bugs, wh-what are you doing here?

[normal] I was gonna push Daffy off the roof.

Wow, look at you.

You got your own cubicle.

A computer..

- Uh, p-please don't. - A phone.

[imitating Porky] Th-Th-Th.. This is Porky Pig.

[gasps]

Pencil sharpener.

Tape dispenser.

What a fun job. You must love working here.

If by love, you mean hate

sitting in this soul-sucking cave.

Counting every minute until the we-weekend

and then dreading every minute until M-Monday.

Then, yes, I love working here.

Spittin' image.

[keys clacking]

- Oh, uh, who works there? - No one. It's empty.

Mm-hmm.

(Daffy) 'My point is if someone wants to steal a toilet'

'they're gonna steal a toilet.'

Let's just agree to disagree, okay?

- I don't agree to that. - Alright.

Looks like you've got a deviated septum.

There is nothing wrong with my septum! What's a septum?

It's what separates the right and the left side of the nose.

Yours is too far to the right

which is causing your snoring.

- Can you fix it? - Easily.

It's a piece of cake. A very simple procedure.

And, if you'd like, while I'm at it

I could smooth out that bump in your beak.

I don't have a bump in my beak.

[gasps]

I'm hideous.

Where'd you get that?

Why didn't you tell me

I have a bump on my beak?

I never noticed a bump.

Do not patronize me!

If there is something wrong with me

that I don't know about, then you owe it to me

as my best friend to tell me!

Alright. You're a narcissist.

You're a sociopath.

'You're probably a psychopath.'

'You're a..'

You're paranoid, sexist

and you make fun of the elderly.

Those are just quirks! Endearing quirks!

I'm talking about something important, my appearance.

And if you won't be honest with me

then I'll find someone who will.

Here, take this home for me.

It's a really good toilet.

Did you want these in color or black and white?

- Aah! - Do I have a bump on my beak?

Oh, yeah, it's huge.

First thing I ever noticed about you.

[gasps] I can't have a bump on my beak!

I can't have an imperfection!

I allow no imperfections!

What are you talking about?

You're nothing but imperfections.

Name a perfection.

What are you looking at?

[gasps] It's my bump, isn't it?

Don't look at me. I'm a monster!

Aah-ha-ha-ha!

Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to bump into you.

Oh! Aah-ah!

It's okay.

It's just a bump in the road.

Oh! Aah!

Aah!

Careful, that sidewalk's pretty bumpy.

[gasps] Oh!

♪ Bump bump bump bump ♪

♪ Bump bump bump ♪♪

- Bump. - Bump.

- Bump! - Bump!

[screaming]

No! No!

[Daffy grunts]

Hey, man, you got a big bump on your beak.

Aah-ha-ho! Oh-ha-ho!

[horn blaring]

[instrumental music]

[elevator bell dings]

Murphy and Associates. Please hold.

Thank you for your holding.

[computer beeps]

[sighs]

What's up, doc?

Bugs? W-why are you here?

I don't know.

Maybe because I work here.

Eh, but-but you're not an accountant.

Nope, but evidently I have great people skills.

'So what are you working on?'

The Papadopoulos returns.

It's the most complex, tedious tax return

and I get stuck with it every year.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Those taxes aren't gonna return themselves.

[upbeat music]

♪ Return those taxes Return those taxes ♪

♪ Return 'em Return 'em ♪

♪ Return those taxes Report that income ♪

♪ Find those deductions ♪

♪ Itemize those expenses ♪♪

I want to look like this.

This is a recipe for salmon balls.

Gimme that. I haven't had time to make those.

Seven minutes? They're out of their minds.

I want to look like this.

First of all, that's a woman.

Second of all, that's a nose.

'You have a beak.'

You know, your bedside manner could use some work.

Smaller.

Smaller. Smaller.

Anything smaller would be too drastic a change.

The drasticer, the better.

- Ha ha ha! - Hmm.

When do you wanna have it done?

Now!

Sorry, you have a very slappable face.

Porky's gonna love these.

Hey, I didn't hear you snore last night.

I guess the procedure was a success.

It'll be a success when these bandages come off

and I show the world the new me.

Soon, I will be on the outside

what I've always been on the inside.

Perfect, like a diamond

'or a pearl, or a pearl with a diamond inside.'

And now the pearl outside

is being replaced by diamond.

So that there is diamond on the inside

and now finally, a matching diamond

on the outside.

Well, all I care about is the not snoring.

I'm off to work!

Work? I don't remember Bugs having a job.

Has he always had a job? I wonder what he does.

I bet he's a dentist.

[laughing]

Lame! Ha ha ha!

Got any rubber bands?

Thanks.

Scissors?

Thanks.

Tape? Thanks.

(Bugs Bunny) Pencils? Thanks.

I only needed the erasers.

Hey, Pork, you got a second?

[stammering] Bugs, I'm trying to work.

(Bugs as woman) 'Ha ha! Hi, my name's Diane.'

I'm Mr. Bunny's new secretary.

'Oh, can I get you a cup of coffee?'

Stop it! You're hurting me. Aah!

B-Bugs, q-quit it.

What? I'm just having fun.

Y-you're not supposed to be having fun.

You're supposed to be working.

- Why can't I do both? - Uh, huh?

Porky, the average person

spends a third of their life at work.

Why would you want to waste a third

of your life being miserable?

Are-are you saying I should, uh, quit?

No! I'm saying that you need to make work fun.

I d-don't know, Bugs.

(as woman) Well, I think it's a great idea.

[both laughing]

Are you ready to see the new you?

My middle name is Ready. Actually it's Sheldon.

I tried going with Armando for a while, but it never caught on.

'Probably 'cause your middle name doesn't come up'

'in conversation very much.'

'I tried working it in, but--'

- Holy.. - Aah!

What is it? How do I look?

[gasps]

[sobbing]

I'm gorgeous!

Got any paper clips? I used all mine.

Thanks.

Is that a chandelier made of paper clips?

You were right, Bugs. W-work can be fun.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[laughing]

[Daffy whistling]

[gasps]

Hello, world.

I'm about to make you a whole lot prettier.

[whistling]

[baby cooing]

(Daffy) Hello, little baby.

[crying]

Oh-h!

[cell phone beeping]

Tina, it's Daffy.

Meet me at the sunset room in an hour.

And look good. I do.

[whistling]

I'm looking for my boyfriend. He's a little black duck.

A duck?

[laughing]

Well, I wasn't sure what that was.

We put him in the way back.

Kinda fancy for lunch.

What's the occasion?

I'm the occasion.

[spits]

What happened to you?

I got a beak job.

Look, no bump.

You messed up your whole face

just to get rid of a stupid bump?

You look crazy!

If I look so crazy

how come everyone's staring at me?

Because you look crazy.

Daffy, I liked your old beak.

But my old beak had an imperfection.

And when it comes to my appearance

there can be no imperfections.

Well, it looks like a dog ate your face.

I liked your bump.

I like all your imperfections.

Well, not all of them.

Your imperfections are what make you you.

And I like you.

Oh, I get it.

You're jealous because I have this perfect little beak

and you have that giant nightmare.

bam

[Daffy groans]

'Call Dr. Weisberg!'

(Porky) Uh, co-come into the conference room.

A-and bring the paper aeroplane.

I give you M-Murphy and Associates

'international paper airport!'

A-and you are cleared for landing.

Porky, how long did this take you?

[laughs] Hours.

It's all I've been doing since lunch.

[laughs] Pretty fun. Ha!

I know I said to make work fun

but you still gotta do your work.

What about the Papadopoulos returns?

The Papadopoulos returns!

[instrumental music]

[whirring]

Wow! Paper baggage handlers.

- Mr. Murphy. - What is this?

It's a paper airport.

Have you seen Porky? I need the Papadopoulos returns.

[stammering] This just in.

All flights have been grounded..

...d-due to snow!

Ha ha! Yippee! Ha ha!

[laughing]

'Ho-ho! Jingle bells! Ha-ha! Oh-oh!'

You're fired.

(as woman) Oh! Am I fired, too?

(Weisberg) Lucky for you, I saved your old beak.

Lucky? It still has the bump!

And is it a little crooked?

Eh, good enough.

Sorry about that, Porky.

Don't be sorry, you've shown me that life's too short

to have a j-job I don't enjoy.

Huh. That's great.

You've shown me that I can do anything.

I can get any job I want.

Well, I-I didn't say that.

Uh, you-you've shown me that as long as I'm having fun

I can be anything I want to be.

I can be the president of the United States.

Porky.

Porky Pig is going to be president

of the Un-United States.

That's nice.

(Daffy) 'What are you guys doing here?'

We-we used to work here.

You're a dentist, too?

[laughing]

Lame!

[elevator bell dings]

[Daffy screaming]

[stuttering] W-h-h-hat?

All I said was I ne-never noticed

the bump on his be-beak before.

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

[explosion]

[dramatic music]

slurps

[rumbling]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[clapping]

Meep-meep!

I-I'm just so excited about this new chapter in my life.

Eh, w-work should be fun. Life should be fun.

M-more tea, Diane?

Do-do you take cream or sugar?

Diane? Do-do you take cream or sugar?

D-Diane?

'Diane? Cream or sugar?'

'Diane?'

'Diane?'

[theme music]

On a final note..

Kids, don't forget to eat your broccoli.

It's good for you.