Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[printer whirring]

[ding]

[ding ding ding]

[ding ding ding]

Can I help you?

Daffy Duck, picking up my business cards.

How's the wizard business going?

Great. Lots of magic, spells, things like that.

That'll be 215.25.

That seems awfully high.

Price reduce!

Reduce!

[grunting]

[pop]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Now, don't forget to leave a business card in the bowl.

You could win a romantic evening for two.

[giggles]

Right this way.

-We'd like a table for two. -Great.

I'd like a pair of solid gold pants

but I'm not bugging you about it.

[instrumental music]

[telephone ringing]

[ringing continues]

-Phone! -Kinda got my hands full...

So do I.

Whoa...

[ringing continues]

splash

Ooh... ah!

I guess I have to do everything around here.

-Go. [voice muttering]

This is Daffy Duck.

What? I won!

A romantic evening for two!

Seven course meal?

Dancing? Heh, heh.

A limousine!

I can't believe my luck! Huh!

How's the wizard business? Great!

Lots of magic, spells, you know, things like that.

See ya Friday night.

What are you doing Friday night?

-Nothing. -Well, you are now.

Friday night, we're gonna get dressed to the nines,

get picked up in a limo,

and have a fabulous romantic dinner.

Daffy, what you just described is a date.

I'm not going on a date with you.

Oh, you're right.

I didn't think of it that way.

[dialing]

Hey, Porky, wanna go on a romantic date Friday night?

I-I-I'd love to!

No, you idiot.

-Ask a woman! -I'm so excited.

-I'm so glad you called. I've got-- [beep]

Ask a woman?

But I have horrible luck with women!

Hmm... the lobster looks good.

We'll split a salad

and keep the bread coming.

Do you think I'm pretty?

No woman should be judged on her looks.

But if I had to, I'd say you're about

a four and a half.

I'm having a really nice time.

You have a little something on your face.

[squish squish squish]

Ooh, wait.

That's a part of your face!

I just can't figure women out.

Well, maybe you need to talk to one

and get a woman's perspective.

That's a great idea!

How about your girlfriend, Lola?

Lola is not my girlfriend.

And she's crazy.

All women are crazy.

Call her for me. Hook it up.

No. I don't wanna call her.

Come on, hook it up.

I'm not hooking it up.

And who says "hook it up?"

I do. I say hook it up.

Hook it up. Please.

It's one quick phone call.

I'm begging you.

Hook... it... up!

[dialing]

[cell phone ringing]

-Hi, Bugs. -How'd you know it was me?

Oh, I answer every call like this.

Just in case it's you.

-Sorry! -No, i-it's okay.

It's just a weird way to answer the--

No, no, I wasn't talking to you.

I almost hit an oil truck.

Oh! Well, maybe I'll call you at a better time.

This is a better time.

This is a perfect time. What are you kidding?

This is a perfect, better time...

Whoa! Go on.

Well, my friend Daffy needs some dating advice

and I thought maybe you could talk to him.

-Are you serious? -Well, if you'd rather not...

No, not you. I'm sorry. I almost hit another oil truck.

Driving is hard.

-So you want me to help Daffy? -Yes.

Would that be a nice thing for me to do?

Yes.

-And you like nice people? -Yes.

So if I help Daffy, you'll like me?

-Uh, I guess. -Then I'll do it!

-Great, thanks. -Uh-oh.

What? You won't do it?

No, that time I did hit an oil truck.

I have to go. Bye!

[explosion]

[car engine starting]

[instrumental music]

Before you can have a successful date

you need to understand women.

**So I've written you a script filled with things

*that every woman will wanna hear on a date.

*If you say these things, I guarantee that

any woman will immediately fall in love with you.

-Really? -Just say those words.

"You are a beautiful, beautiful woman.

"You are the epitome of grace, style and femininity.

You're my best friend."

This stuff is pretty good.

Told you!

"You're my best friend.

"In fact, you're the only friend I need.

"Here's a good idea.

"Let's get rid of all of our other friends

*"and only be friends with each other.

"Also, we should cut off family members

"that don't support our relationship.

"Also, we should have jobs where we work together

"Because if there's one thing I know, it's that if we drop

"all of our friends, cut off our families

"and work together, we are guaranteed

to have a perfect relationship."

This really works on women?

-Are you okay? -I'm fine.

I just... I never noticed

how handsome... you were.

Oh, thanks.

You have a really big beak.

Thank you very much.

So... have you given any thought

of who you want wanna invite on your romantic date?

I have, actually.

-Anyone I know? -Could be.

You know that girl Tina, from the copy place?

Her beak's even bigger than mine.

Well, thanks for the help.

Call me sometime!

[laughing]

Good one!

[instrumental music]

[printer whirring]

[clears throat]

-Yeah? -Hi.

Uh, I-I'm not sure if you remember me...

-You're the wizard, right? -You do remember me!

How could I forget?

-Your check bounced. -What?

I'm gonna have to have a serious talk

with my financial advisor.

This should take care of it.

So, uh, Tina, I was wondering

if by any chance you're not doing anything tonight

which you probably are because you're not ugly,

but if for some reason you're not, would you maybe possibly

no pressure if you can't just wondering, you know,

would you like to go out with me?

Maybe.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.

I said I'd love to go out with you.

-Really? -Yeah. It'll be fun.

Great! I'll pick you up at 8:00.

Don't use that money. You'll get arrested.

[instrumental music]

Gotta smell nice for my date.

Maybe another little dab.

Safety dab.

Hello, Daffy.

[instrumental music]

Huh! Lola! What are you doing here?

-Did you ask that girl out? -Yeah, I did.

So you're gonna go out with her?

What do you even know about this girl? She could be trouble.

She could be dangerous, you know, not...

not every girl is as stable as me.

[creak]

No, Tina's great.

Her name's Tina? Heh. That's not even a real name.

It's a made up name like Ballswick or Kathlarg.

I think Tina's a real name.

Oh, she has you so duped.

I think you should leave.

Fine.

But you are making a huge mistake.

[dramatic music]

Tina's crazy! She's a crazy person!

She's a crazy, fake name person who's probably a stalker!

[gasps]

I'm just gonna leave this ladder here... for later.

I can't lose him.

I've got to stop that date.

And I know just how I'm going to do it.

Is it weird to talk to myself? No, it's not weird.

Think I need a haircut? I don't know.

You could grow out your bangs.

Ooh, that's a good idea.

-Hey, Lola. -Oh, hi, Bugs.

-How'd your talk with Daffy go? -Great! Really great.

Super great. It could not have been greater.

Wow! Well, thanks again for doing that.

I'll make it up to you sometime.

How about tonight?

-Dinner? -Oh, uh, I don't know.

-You gotta eat. -Ehh...

Come on, one dinner? No big deal. Nothing fancy.

-O-kay. -Great.

I know just the restaurant.

It's very casual, it's very laidback.

This is casual and laidback?

Who said anything about casual and laidback?

-Uh... you did. -Oh-oh! Right.

Ugh, I meant to say fancy and uptight.

Sometimes I get my words mixed up.

Like I'll say "bubbles" when I really mean "pick-up truck"

or "jelly" when I really mean, uh, like a "boat."

[laughing]

[both laughing]

What was that for?

Sometimes I kiss people when I really mean to walk to my table.

[instrumental music]

-Oh, Mac? -Yes, Chum?

Could you please pass me the cream for my cup of tea?

-I would be delighted. -Well, thank you!

Not at all. Thank you for your thank you.

Oh, well, you're welcome for my thank you.

Well, thank you again.

[both laughing]

♪ Be polite always be nice ♪

♪ Make sugar your favorite spice ♪

♪ My aunt sent me a birthday card ♪

♪ I was so completely charmed ♪

♪ I seized the chance I could not pass it ♪

♪ I sent her a muffin basket ♪

♪ I was at the bank today ♪

♪ The teller sent a smile my way ♪

♪ She did it with such great panache ♪

♪ I gave the teller all my cash ♪

♪ Be polite always be nice ♪

♪ Make sugar your favorite spice ♪

♪ When helping Granny cross the street ♪

♪ Take the time to massage her feet ♪

♪ Be B-E P-O-L-I-T-E ♪

♪ Be B-E P-O-L-I-T-E ♪

♪ Say please and thank you ♪

♪ When you hear a sneeze say bless you ♪

♪ Open doors and pull out chairs ♪

♪ Don't push people down the stairs ♪

♪ We were dining Thursday night ♪

♪ The waiter set our plates just right ♪

♪ We were so very impressed ♪

♪ We knitted him a sweater vest ♪

♪ When our car ran out of gas ♪

♪ The tow truck driver got there fast ♪

♪ He filled our tank with no delay ♪

♪ We took him to a Broadway play ♪

♪ Be polite always be nice ♪

♪ Make sugar your favorite spice ♪

♪ If someone shoots you with a laser beam ♪

♪ Remember that it would be rude to scream ♪

♪ Be polite ♪

Or I'll vaporize you.

[zapping]

[instrumental music]

-Nice place. -Yeah, uh-huh.

Can you just scooch a little bit that way?

Thanks, yeah, I just like to be able

to see all the exits

in case of an emergency.

[creaking]

Hmm, aged beef.

Where do they get that from?

A retirement community for cows?

Heh-heh!

-Uh, Lola? -Huh? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I totally agree

with whatever you just said.

Check it out, cloth napkins! Nice, right?

You are a beautiful, beautiful woman.

You are the epitome of grace, style and femininity.

You're my best friend.

m your best friend?

-We just met. -Oh, uh, hold on.

"When I'm with you, every day is Valentine's Day.

"Except for the real Valentine's Day

which we will now call Super Valentine's Day."

-Are you reading something? -No, I mean...

"What all women wanna hear."

What woman wants to hear stuff like this?

-Lola! Lola! -Hmm?

I was just asking if you wanna split an appetizer.

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, Whatever you want, Daffy.

-It's Bugs. -Huh?

I'm Bugs.

Okay, so what do you want, a medal?

You're a grown-up. You don't need a script.

Let's just get to know each other. Tell me about yourself.

Okay, uh, well. What do you want to know?

I'm rich, very rich. But a do-gooder.

I help poor people, orphans, whales.

You know, that's...

Look, if you're not gonna tell me about yourself

let me take a shot.

You're an insecure little weirdo

who lies about everything, and probably

cries himself to sleep every night.

Wow, you're good.

Well, I guess this date's over.

Hey! Get back here. Relax. It's not over.

But you said all those horrible, true things about me!

You're like an abandoned building

that ought to be condemned.

You know, busted windows, rats running around

a real nasty sewage situation.

But maybe, if the right person got a hold of it,

and cleaned it up maybe they could

take that disgusting building

and turn it into something not so disgusting.

Are you that person?

Lucky for you, I like a project.

And am I that disgusting building?

Yeah!

That is the nicest thing

that anyone has ever said about me!

A la carte? I guess.

I mean, if you'll a carte too.

[chuckles]

Oh, come on!

Give me something.

Oh, I don't like this.

I can take a hint.

If you'll excuse me.

What is happening?

She kisses me then ignores me?

I mean, a retirement community for cows.

That was funny!

All right, pull yourself together.

Date's not over.

We haven't even ordered yet.

Wait till dessert.

I've got great dessert material.

Chocolate mousse?

They'll dip anything in chocolate these days.

[sighs]

The point is, date's not over.

[both laughing]

[snorting and laughing]

Ha! You sound like a pig!

[both laughing]

[snorting]

Ahem, good evening. My name's Kathlarg.

I'll be your server.

Lola! I didn't know you worked here.

Yep. Worked here my whole life, since the day I was born.

Can I get you anything?

Uh, someone already took our order.

[whistles] Wow.

[instrumental music]

Ooh, that's my jam. Wanna dance?

Hook it up!

[thud]

So, Lola, uh...

...you know I invented the carrot peeler.

Too braggy. Seen any good movies lately?

Ugh, too boring.

You have beautiful ears.

Perfect.

♪ Ooh yeah yeah ooh ♪

♪ Who's that girl with the red dress on? ♪

♪ Who's that girl? She's a crazy one ♪

♪ Not all girls are what they seem ♪

♪ And there can only be one girl of your dreams ♪

♪ Well lose that girl with the made up name? ♪

♪ I said lose that girl with the made up name? ♪

♪ I said I lose that girl with the made up name ♪

♪ And get with the girl who cared enough about you ♪

♪ To break into your bedroom ♪

What are you doing?

I'm trying to win my boyfriend back.

♪ I said lose that girl... ♪

What boyfriend?

Daffy.

Daffy's not your boyfriend. I'm your boyfriend!

-Say that again? -Mm-mm.

That's okay. I have it right here.

[Bugs on recorder] I'm your boyfriend.

Oh, boy.

[rewinding tape]

I'm your boyfriend.

[rewinding tape]

I'm your boyfriend.

-Bugs, what are you doing here? -We're on a date!

He's my boyfriend. I'm his girlfriend.

♪ We're boyfriend girlfriend ♪

I thought you were our waitress.

[whistles]

Wow! She's a keeper.

You know what we should do some time? Double date!

How about tomorrow night? You guys like Thai?

[both] Yeah, I love it!

[indistinct chattering]

What just happened?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Beep! Beep!

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[rumble]

Beep! Beep!

[thud]

Beep! Beep!

[instrumental music]

[tap tap]

[dramatic music]

[thud]

[rumble]

[thud]

[thud]

Beep! Beep!

[instrumental music]

[thud]

[whoosh]

[squeak]

[spoot]

[dramatic music]

[rumbling]

[intense music]

[instrumental music]

Beep! Beep!

[both laughing]

That's the best date I've ever had with a wizard.

There's something I should tell you.

I'm not really a wizard.

[both laughing]

[Porky] F-f-f-finally!

I w-was worried you w-weren't gonna show up.

What are you talking about?

I t-thought we were having d-d-dinner tonight.

Oh. I think I might've eaten your dinner, Porky.

-How do you k-k-know my name? -I don't.

That was more of an observation.

Are those for me?

[both laughing]

I g-g-g-gotta get a girlfriend.

[theme music]

That's all, what?

What are folks?

He's crazy.