Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Hmm. Should I buy a new TV?

Or should I buy one of those massage chairs?

Ah! Tough life.

- What are you wearing? - Mall pants.

- What kind of pants? - Mall pants.

Pants you wear to the mall, as a sign of respect.

So why aren't you wearing a shirt?

Too much respect.

It's the mall, not church.

Also, I can't afford a shirt.

I suppose I could buy the TV

and just go somewhere for a massage.

Whoa. Uh-oh.

My mall pants!

You know what? I'm just gonna buy both.

No mall underwear, huh?

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Keep the change.

Eh, what's up, doc?

Oh, uh, just granting people's wishes.

Daffy, you can't steal coins from the fountain.

Well, then, where do you suggest I steal them from?

I suggest if you need money, you get a job.

They're hiring at the ice cream shop.

splash

Give me a job application.

"Name? Address? Gender?"

What is this? Soviet Russia?

Yeah, I don't wanna work here anyway.

'Not in that stupid uniform.'

I'll take a banana split.

Unh. One scoop vanilla.

'One scoop chocolate, one scoop strawberry.'

Unh. Put the strawberry in the middle.

And now, hot fudge.

Unh! Only on the vanilla and chocolate.

Put regular fudge on the strawberry.

'Now, some whipped cream.'

'Hey, hey, hey, hey!'

Easy. Little more. Little more.

Little more only on the vanilla.

Kind of fill in that space right there.

Stop.

Now, some nuts.

Unh. No nut dust.

Now this is the complicated part.

No green sprinkles on the chocolate.

Yes, green sprinkles on the strawberry.

But both no red sprinkles

except on the vanilla

which should receive exclusively

red sprinkles.

That'll be $5.85.

I've only got 16 cents.

Get the rest from your tip jar.

[instrumental music]

Where do you get all your money?

(Bugs) I invented the carrot peeler.

You invented the carrot peeler?

Daffy, I've told you a million times.

Where do you get all your money?

I invented the carrot peeler!

Where do you get all your money?

I invented the carrot peeler.

Where do you get all your money?

I invented the carrot peeler.

So let me get this straight.

You invented the carrot peeler, and now you have enough money

to buy whatever you want, whenever you want?

Inventing something is the perfect

get rich quick scheme.

It's not a scheme.

Invention is one percent inspiration

and 99% perspiration.

Well, I'm not big on sweating.

So I'm just gonna cut to the chase on this one.

[electrical buzzing]

How's it comin' in there?

I did it.

I invented something so spectacular

that every man, woman and child will wonder

how they ever survived without it.

You know when you want bread

but you don't want the whole loaf?

I call it...Daffy Duck's equally-sized bread pieces.

The rest of the world calls it sliced bread.

Okay.

You know after you've gone to the bathroom

you sometimes wish you had something to help you.

You know, clean up, like a flushable paper

product of some sort?

Daffy, are you tellin' me that you don't use toilet paper?

(Daffy) 'Mine was gonna be called butt paper!'

Once again, it pays to have invented the carrot peeler.

Ahem.

Oh, sorry.

They say history repeats itself.

Well, wouldn't it be amazing if you could visit the past

and see what really happened for yourself?

Of course, to do this, there would need to be a device.

A portal in which your molecular structure was broken down

and then reassembled in the exact same manner.

You invented a time machine?

No, but if there was such a thing

and you used it a lot you'd probably need..

A big box with a handle on it to carry your stuff.

A suitcase.

Everything's been invented.

Inventing something is impossible.

How did you do it?

Well, first, you have to be

passionate about something.

Next.

I happen to be passionate about carrots.

I put all my ideas into this notebook

and one of them turned into a little thing called

the carrot peeler.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a check to deposit.

[door opens and shuts]

Let's see what else he's got in here.

[gasps] An automatic carrot peeler?

That's the most brilliant idea Bugs ever had.

I mean, that's the most brilliant idea I ever had.

[laughing]

(male #1) 'What's so funny?'

[chuckling]

[instrumental music]

You know, I invented that.

Ooh. I better get home.

They're delivering my massage chair.

Hey! Get your automatic carrot peeler.

Excuse me, darling.

May I interest you in an automatic carrot peeler?

I already have a carrot peeler. It works great.

Ah-ha, but with my machine

you could peel carrots at super speed.

Leaving more time for you and your beautiful daughter.

- He's a boy. - Yes, of course.

A strapping, masculine boy.

You know, my machine peels hundreds of carrots

in mere seconds.

Who wants hundreds of carrots?

I'm not a rabbit.

Your son looks like a girl!

Is that what I think it is?

Did you steal my plans for the automatic carrot peeler?

[chuckles] Let me explain.

I, I was young. I needed the money.

It's the worst recession since the great depression.

Besides, you weren't using it.

That's because it's a dumb invention.

No one but me eats enough carrots

to justify the cost of this thing.

[laughs] You should've gone with butt paper.

He's right. No one eats carrots.

Everyone is eating carrots.

A new study came out today

touting their extraordinary health benefits.

Oh, the automatic carrot peeler is flyin' off the shelves.

I'm not even gonna carry the old peeler anymore.

You heard it here, folks.

Time to toss that old carrot peeler

and get the automatic carrot peeler.

That doesn't sound like it's gonna be good

for my checking account.

[sighs]

Um, uh, do you have any carrot peelers?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Oh, no one uses those anymore.

I meant an automatic carrot peeler.

How much for the massage chair?

[sighs] Hundred bucks.

- Is it broken? - No.

- Is it stolen? - I just bought it.

- Why are you sellin' it? - Because I'm broke.

Oh, that's mighty sad.

I'll give you a dollar.

[sighs]

Aren't you gonna take it with you?

Nah, I'll leave it in your yard.

I likes my massages in the great outdoors.

[instrumental music]

[dog barking in distance]

(Daffy) 'Oh! Ha ha ha.'

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[laughing]

I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich!

- Daffy! - I'm..

Oh, uh.. Hey, what's up?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Of course.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh! Ha-ha!

Daffy, I have to sell the house.

Is this because no one's buying your carrot peeler?

Because everyone's buying my carrot peeler?

A carrot peeler that I stole out of your invention notebook?

Because if it is, I feel like some of this could be my fault!

It is your fault!

- Then let me make it up to you. - How?

- I'll buy your house. - What?

You were there for me when I had nothing.

You took me in and put a roof over my head.

I'm going to do the same thing for you.

That's what friends are for.

Nothing will change. Things will remain quid pro quo.

You mean status quo.

[clears throat]

As long as you live under my roof

you don't tell me what I mean.

I thought you said nothing would change.

Under my roof, you'll watch your tone.

- I didn't have a tone. - Ha! My roof!

[instrumental music]

Excellent work, Giuseppe.

How's work at the ice cream shop?

It was fine, until some jerk came in

and ordered the world's most complicated banana split!

Hey, I like what I like.

Huh. Whoop! Back on the ladder, Giuseppe!

You missed a spot.

Uh-uh-uh. Not on the chair. It's calfskin.

'Uh-uh. That's ivory.'

Well, where am I supposed to put it?

Why don't you put it back on and make us dinner?

And try not ruining it like you did breakfast!

thwap

I'm sorry you had to see that, Giuseppe.

And you wouldn't have, if you'd been working!

[dog barking in distance]

[gasps] A check! For Daffy.

Son, you can't live like this.

What do you mean?

Guy like you wasn't meant to

wear an apron and take orders!

Well, it doesn't look like I have many options.

Do I look like I got a lot of options?

I'm not smart, I'm not good-lookin'

and I'm about 19 inches tall.

But no one tells me what to do!

I am the king of my castle!

Castle's a figure of speech, son.

But if it's yours, and yours alone

it don't matter if it's the Taj Mahal

or a hole in the ground.

A hole in the ground, huh?

What are you doing?

Massage oil, for the massage chair.

splash

[motor rumbling]

[shrieking]

[birds chirping]

My old hole in the ground.

How did I used to get into this thing?

Didn't I have a ladder or somethin'?

Maybe it's not a long drop.

[Bugs yelling]

thud

[theme music]

♪ Been thinkin' for a while ♪

♪ There's somethin' I gotta tell you ♪

Eh, I'm kinda busy.

♪ Been thinkin' that ♪

♪ Our love for each other ♪

♪ Has grown so very strong ♪

Love? Wait..

♪ It's plain to see we're building ♪

♪ Our worlds together ♪

Uh. Back up for a minute.

♪ I'm lookin' in your eyes right now ♪

♪ And I can tell you feel the same ♪

You're choking me!

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ I am so in love today ♪

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna run away ♪

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ Did you tap my phone lines? ♪

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ Yes I tapped your phone line ♪

♪ I won't lie you're a very pretty lady ♪

Thank you!

♪ But you're crazy crazy crazy ♪

♪ You make me wanna move to Bolivia ♪

Oh, I'll go with you!

♪ You know I'm thinkin' I should ♪

♪ Get a restraining order ♪

Those are so hard to enforce.

♪ 'Cause your car was parked outside ♪

♪ My house every night this week ♪

Your neighbors are sweet.

♪ You're the reason that I have ♪

♪ To keep my shades drawn ♪

I'll watch you through the chimney!

♪ I've installed an alarm system ♪

♪ With motion beam detectors ♪

I have the code.

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ Gimme just five minutes ♪

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ I think that was five minutes ♪

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ Did you just move in with me? ♪

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ Yes I just moved in with you ♪

♪ We are in love ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ We're n-n-not ♪♪

- That was our first love song! - Ugh.

My old rabbit hole.

A little dustier than I remember.

[coughing]

Okay, a lot dustier.

But at least I'm king of my castle.

This is gonna be great.

I don't need to sell a million carrot peelers.

I have everything I need right here.

I've got a chair, I've got a lamp.

I've got a chair and a lamp.

That's all anyone needs. I love the forest.

[thunder rumbling]

Uh-oh.

Sale? Where's the expensive soup?

Ooh. Minestrone.

Sounds fancy.

[crashing]

W-what are you doing with those automatic carrot peelers?

Taking them off the shelves.

- They're all being recalled. - What? Why?

Apparently, they're highly flammable

and extremely dangerous.

That's impossible. I should know, I'm the inventor.

You invented these things?

I'm going to sue you for everything you've got.

Hey, everybody, this jerk's responsible

for the automatic carrot peeler!

[indistinct shouting]

Huh!

[grunting]

I hate the forest!

Huh!

- Bugs! - Daffy?

I know I've been a terrible friend, but I need your help!

There's a problem with the automatic carrot peeler!

Apparently, it's highly flammable!

That's impossible!

Step 7 of my design included a cooling system!

Step 7? I knew I shouldn't have stopped at Step 3!

I just got so sleepy!

Anyway, everyone wants their money back

but I spent all the money.

And now, they're gonna take your house!

You mean your house!

I give it back! Just please, come home and fix everything!

I don't know. I kind of like it here.

Please! I'm begging you, please!

[bubbling]

I'll take that as a yes.

[thunder rumbling]

You have to do something! They're gonna level the house!

I'll be right back.

There isn't time!

Take 'er down, boys.

Bugs! Hurry!

[dramatic music]

What is it?

A time machine.

I'll go get my suitcase!

[beeping]

swoosh

Wait!

Aah!

No green sprinkles on the chocolate.

'Yes, green sprinkles on the strawberry.'

But both no red sprinkles, except on the vanilla

which should receive exclusively red sprinkles.

That'll be $5.85.

I've only got 16 cents.

Get the rest from your tip jar.

[whirring]

(Bugs) It's on me.

Where do you get all your money?

Don't worry about it.

Uh, can I borrow 50 bucks?

I need a new pair of mall pants.

[theme music]

[dramatic music]

[intense music]

[whirring]

[beeping]

[beeping]

[crackling]

thud

whirr

[beeping]

[upbeat music]

meep meep

[beeping]

boom

thud

[whirring]

[dramatic music]

[beeping]

thud

swoosh

thud

[speaking in foreign language]

My fellow Neanderthals

I come from the future

to bring you the key to modern civilization.

Butt paper!

[dramatic music]

[indistinct shouting]

[screaming]

thwap thwap

[theme music]

And that's the end!

[munching]