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♪
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Man (Over loudspeaker): Hello?
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Hello?
4
00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:42,298
Hola?
5
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Bonjour?
6
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Chinese hello?
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Hello?
8
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Hello?
9
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Hello?
10
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Hello?
11
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(Screaming)
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♪
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Home, sweet home.
14
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♪
15
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♪ I think I'm sophisticated ♪
16
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,766
♪ 'cause I'm living my life ♪
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♪ like a good homo sapien ♪
18
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♪ but all around me ♪
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♪ everybody's multiplying ♪
20
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♪ and they're walking
around like flies, man ♪
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♪ So I'm no better ♪
22
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♪ than the animals sitting
in the cages in the zoo, man ♪
23
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♪ 'Cause compared to the flowers ♪
24
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♪ And the birds and the trees ♪
25
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♪ I am an ape man ♪
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♪ I'm an ape man ♪
27
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♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
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00:02:58,059 --> 00:03:00,527
♪ I'm a king Kong man ♪
30
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,429
♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
31
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:04,864
♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
32
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:10,136
♪ come on and love me ♪
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♪ be my ape man girl ♪
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♪ and we'll be so happy ♪
35
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♪ in my ape man world ♪
36
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♪ I'm an ape man ♪
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♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
38
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
39
00:03:23,483 --> 00:03:24,883
♪ I'm a king Kong man ♪
40
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♪ I'm a voodoo man ♪
41
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:28,621
♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
42
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♪ just like an ape man. ♪
43
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Boop.
44
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(Sighs)
45
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Hello, God.
46
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First of all, uh, apologies
47
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for all the recent masturbation,
48
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but I got to say, that's kind of on you.
49
00:03:45,237 --> 00:03:48,673
So I just got back from
traveling around the country,
50
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looking for anyone who might
have survived the virus.
51
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Uh, put up a bunch of
signs all over the place,
52
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saying that I'm here in Tucson.
53
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So, uh, you know, who knows?
54
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And it's not all bad.
55
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I mean, in the old world,
56
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I could never live in a house like this.
57
00:04:01,118 --> 00:04:04,521
And these are Hugh Hefner's actual pajamas.
58
00:04:04,522 --> 00:04:06,122
Yeah. (Chuckles)
59
00:04:06,123 --> 00:04:07,157
I washed them.
60
00:04:07,158 --> 00:04:09,826
There are some drawbacks.
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(Laughs): I know you know that.
62
00:04:12,696 --> 00:04:15,665
The whole women situation is...
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The craps.
64
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,302
If you could send some my way...
65
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:22,004
Or one my way.
66
00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:23,840
Oh, one more thing.
67
00:04:23,841 --> 00:04:25,907
If you could please send
68
00:04:25,908 --> 00:04:28,810
a special thank-you to the
previous owner of my new house.
69
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,178
Just let him know I'm gonna take
70
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real good care of this place.
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(Lever clanks)
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(Rattling)
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(Whispering): Fixing the toilet.
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Fixing the toilet. Fixing the toilet.
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(Flushes)
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(Car alarm chirps outside)
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♪
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♪
79
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Salud.
80
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That's a $10,000 bottle
of wine, by the way.
81
00:06:26,088 --> 00:06:28,656
Goes great with the spaghettios.
82
00:06:33,195 --> 00:06:35,429
That was, like, a $400 sip.
83
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Not as good.
84
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♪
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♪ Sun, shine on me today... ♪
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Aw, split.
87
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♪ Sun, dry my tears away ♪
88
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,958
♪ how I need your warm embrace ♪
89
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♪ to shine upon my crying face ♪
90
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♪ sun, shine on me today ♪
91
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♪ sun, give me a little light... ♪
92
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(Tires screeching)
93
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♪ Take me out of this darkened night ♪
94
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:23,975
♪ You know what a little light can do ♪
95
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♪ You change the sky
from black to blue ♪
96
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♪ Sun, shine on me today ♪
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♪ sunshine ♪
98
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♪ come on, sunshine ♪
99
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♪ let me have one of your rays ♪
100
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♪ just one ♪
101
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♪ only one... Oh, left, left! ♪
102
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Left, left, left, left!
103
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♪ To get this started ♪
104
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♪ on my way. ♪
105
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Straighten, straighten,
straighten! Straight...
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Ha!
107
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:53,102
Oh, yes!
108
00:07:53,103 --> 00:07:55,071
Yes!
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(Whooping)
110
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(Exhales)
111
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(Motor running)
112
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:06,549
No way. No way!
113
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That would never happen!
114
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,350
Tom Hanks (Over TV):
That's all that's left.
115
00:08:09,351 --> 00:08:10,752
That is so stupid.
116
00:08:10,753 --> 00:08:13,521
I got news for you, Tom Hanks.
117
00:08:13,522 --> 00:08:15,523
I will never, ever talk to a volleyball.
118
00:08:15,524 --> 00:08:17,325
No, we have time. We do!
119
00:08:17,326 --> 00:08:18,694
- We have time.
- Not buying it!
120
00:08:18,695 --> 00:08:20,862
Balls aren't people, dude!
121
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I know.
122
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Balls are for fun.
123
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♪
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♪
125
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Hey! Okay, I get it!
126
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Nobody's coming!
127
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You're not giving me anybody.
128
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Well, guess what.
129
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I don't even care!
130
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I don't need people. Okay?
131
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I can make it work on my own.
132
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Watch me! Watch me!
133
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Hey, Phil, what's up?
134
00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:40,971
Oh, I'm great, Phil. How are you?
135
00:09:40,972 --> 00:09:42,605
Oh, I'm doing great. Thank
you very much for asking.
136
00:09:42,606 --> 00:09:44,074
See? I'm already doing it.
137
00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:45,942
Ha!
138
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I don't need people.
139
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,311
I'm gonna be just fine.
140
00:10:04,294 --> 00:10:05,327
Morning, Phil.
141
00:10:05,328 --> 00:10:06,460
How are you, Phil?
142
00:10:06,461 --> 00:10:07,696
Fine, Phil, how are you, Phil?
143
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(Cans and bottles clanking)
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♪
145
00:10:31,646 --> 00:10:34,847
♪ Take the jib, sail down, boys ♪
146
00:10:34,848 --> 00:10:37,484
♪ Take the jib, sail down ♪
147
00:10:37,485 --> 00:10:40,886
♪ turn this ship around, boys ♪
148
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:43,656
♪ before we run aground ♪
149
00:10:43,657 --> 00:10:46,725
♪ the fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
150
00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:49,094
♪ Fish aren't biting today ♪
151
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♪ gonna lay on my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
152
00:10:52,932 --> 00:10:56,001
♪ Oh, the fish aren't biting today ♪
153
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♪ There's six-foot waves
and my stomach craves ♪
154
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♪ Some good old Antiguan rum
155
00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:05,009
♪ I put some away for a rainy day ♪
156
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:08,713
♪ And the rain she is
starting to come now ♪
157
00:11:15,586 --> 00:11:18,355
♪ The fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
158
00:11:18,356 --> 00:11:20,390
♪ The fish aren't biting today
159
00:11:20,391 --> 00:11:24,093
♪ gonna lay in my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
160
00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:27,130
♪ 'Cause the fish
aren't biting today. ♪
161
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:33,469
♪ Bah, bah, bah-bah ♪
162
00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:35,137
♪ bah ♪
163
00:11:35,138 --> 00:11:38,407
♪ bah-ah-ah ♪
164
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:42,545
♪ bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah... ♪
165
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:45,881
Phil: Hey, what's up?
166
00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:47,516
Just had to get out of the
house; It's been a rough day.
167
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:49,083
Hey, I'm gonna have a whiskey.
168
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,052
You want a whiskey, Gary? Whiskey?
169
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,221
You sure? How about you, Jimmy?
170
00:11:54,657 --> 00:11:57,359
No? Okay, well, does
anyone want a whiskey, huh?
171
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,460
Greg?
172
00:11:58,461 --> 00:12:00,528
Kevin?
173
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:01,863
Antawn?
174
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,699
No? Really? Nobody?
175
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:05,799
Trevor?
176
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,534
Terrence?
177
00:12:07,535 --> 00:12:09,636
Trent? Darby?
178
00:12:09,637 --> 00:12:11,472
Bryce? Marshall?
179
00:12:11,473 --> 00:12:12,606
Peter?
180
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,174
Thomas? Max?
181
00:12:14,175 --> 00:12:15,208
Dashiel?
182
00:12:15,209 --> 00:12:17,110
Diego? Clementine?
183
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,545
Nobody wants a whiskey?!
184
00:12:18,546 --> 00:12:19,913
Okay, well, more for me.
185
00:12:19,914 --> 00:12:22,015
Jerry, now, you look like
you lost a little weight.
186
00:12:22,016 --> 00:12:24,316
What, are you exercising, skipping carbs?
187
00:12:24,317 --> 00:12:25,918
Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up.
188
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,920
Okay. Cheersies.
189
00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:33,125
I miss breakfast burritos.
190
00:12:33,126 --> 00:12:35,762
Getting mail.
191
00:12:35,763 --> 00:12:38,498
Skinny jeans on dudes.
192
00:12:38,499 --> 00:12:40,699
Just kidding. Skinny jeans on dudes suck.
193
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:44,636
People.
194
00:12:44,637 --> 00:12:46,004
And women.
195
00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:47,873
Oh, my God, women.
196
00:12:47,874 --> 00:12:50,709
Oh, I would give anything
to see another woman again.
197
00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:55,280
I would, I would never complain
about anything ever again...
198
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,314
If I just got to see one more woman.
199
00:13:05,156 --> 00:13:06,557
Hey.
200
00:13:06,558 --> 00:13:09,794
Gary, you want to come
hang at my place tonight?
201
00:13:09,795 --> 00:13:11,495
I mean... sh-shut up, guys.
202
00:13:11,496 --> 00:13:13,596
That's really homophobic, Bryce.
203
00:13:13,597 --> 00:13:15,532
Even for you.
204
00:13:17,401 --> 00:13:19,068
That's her.
205
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:20,804
Well, I don't know her name.
206
00:13:20,805 --> 00:13:22,906
I've never talked to her.
207
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:24,407
(Laughs): No, Gary, come on!
208
00:13:24,408 --> 00:13:25,475
What would I say?
209
00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:26,776
I'm so bad in these situations.
210
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,711
There is nothing
211
00:13:28,712 --> 00:13:31,547
you can say that would convince
me to go talk to her, okay?
212
00:13:35,117 --> 00:13:37,853
That's a pretty convincing argument.
213
00:13:41,357 --> 00:13:44,960
Don't honk the horn.
214
00:14:03,445 --> 00:14:05,311
Windows, right?
215
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:06,880
(Chuckles)
216
00:14:06,881 --> 00:14:10,283
Uh, my friend Gary dared
me to come say hi to you.
217
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,051
He's in the truck, the white fella.
218
00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:16,322
Uh, so, anyway, hello, I guess.
219
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,958
(Chuckles)
220
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,392
Actually, I saw you a long time ago,
221
00:14:19,393 --> 00:14:21,027
and I always wanted to come say hi,
222
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,696
but, well, I don't know, I just, uh...
223
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,598
It never felt like the right time.
224
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,102
I like your outfit.
225
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,238
You make good style choices.
226
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,260
(Laughs): Sorry, I-I'm being so...
227
00:14:57,261 --> 00:14:59,129
Forward.
228
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:00,831
It's just, I've been through a lot lately.
229
00:15:00,832 --> 00:15:03,000
I just realized that having
230
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:06,904
other people around is really
what makes life worth living.
231
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:08,872
Where are my manners?
232
00:15:08,873 --> 00:15:10,607
I'm Phil.
233
00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:31,760
You win.
234
00:15:33,629 --> 00:15:34,930
You win.
235
00:15:58,486 --> 00:16:01,388
Well, in about two minutes,
236
00:16:01,389 --> 00:16:03,523
we will lay to rest Phil Miller.
237
00:16:03,524 --> 00:16:05,692
Uh...
238
00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:08,027
I'm sorry for giving up.
239
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:14,567
Oh, and I just got to say,
240
00:16:14,568 --> 00:16:16,669
huge apology to Tom
Hanks and the whole crew
241
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:18,170
that put together Castaway.
242
00:16:18,171 --> 00:16:20,006
'Cause they nailed it.
243
00:16:20,007 --> 00:16:21,372
They friggin' nailed it.
244
00:16:21,373 --> 00:16:24,375
You guys were
245
00:16:24,376 --> 00:16:27,079
the best friends that I could ask for.
246
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,447
But you're not people.
247
00:16:31,884 --> 00:16:33,384
You're not people.
248
00:16:41,192 --> 00:16:42,660
(Engine starts)
249
00:17:04,248 --> 00:17:06,249
(Engine revving)
250
00:17:21,564 --> 00:17:23,532
♪
251
00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:57,397
♪
252
00:18:26,525 --> 00:18:28,526
(Sniffs)
253
00:18:32,364 --> 00:18:34,365
(Clears throat)
254
00:18:44,977 --> 00:18:47,460
Hello! Hello!
255
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:50,178
Are you okay?
256
00:18:50,179 --> 00:18:51,246
Um...
257
00:18:51,247 --> 00:18:53,714
Uh... I think so.
258
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:54,983
Wh-where'd you get here? What happened?
259
00:18:54,984 --> 00:18:56,584
I saw all your billboards.
260
00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:58,753
I can't believe you found me!
261
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,288
I... I thought I was...
262
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,290
Your voice is like...
263
00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:05,192
It's like music to my ears.
264
00:19:05,193 --> 00:19:07,060
May I sing to you?
265
00:19:09,097 --> 00:19:10,764
Yeah, I would love that.
266
00:19:10,765 --> 00:19:14,034
♪ If there's something strange ♪
267
00:19:14,035 --> 00:19:16,003
♪ in your neighborhood ♪
268
00:19:16,004 --> 00:19:17,304
♪ who you gonna call? ♪
269
00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:20,606
Both: ♪ Ghostbusters ♪
270
00:19:20,607 --> 00:19:22,074
(humming)
271
00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:24,443
♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost. ♪
272
00:19:24,444 --> 00:19:27,413
Is this a dream? (Laughs)
273
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:31,617
This is very, very real.
274
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:46,364
(Chuckles) What are you, uh...?
275
00:19:46,365 --> 00:19:48,566
Like to plug that nose up?
276
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:50,202
What? What's going...?
277
00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:52,871
(Grunting)
278
00:19:52,872 --> 00:19:54,471
(Both scream)
279
00:19:54,472 --> 00:19:55,706
What are you doing? What are you doing?
280
00:19:55,707 --> 00:19:56,740
I was doing mouth to mouth.
281
00:19:56,741 --> 00:19:58,209
Where did that
wo-wo-woman go?!
282
00:19:58,210 --> 00:19:59,476
You passed out, you wet your underpants.
283
00:19:59,477 --> 00:20:00,845
I thought you were dying.
284
00:20:00,846 --> 00:20:02,746
I did not wet my underpants, okay?
285
00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:04,481
They're... oh, they're wet. Ew!
286
00:20:04,482 --> 00:20:06,183
Super wet. But that was
287
00:20:06,184 --> 00:20:08,719
from something else before.
288
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:09,887
I-I was-was, uh,
289
00:20:09,888 --> 00:20:11,921
swimming the front, the... the front side.
290
00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,193
Okay, I just thought that
you were in trouble...
291
00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:14,324
Well, you thought wrong!
292
00:20:14,325 --> 00:20:15,825
That was from something
else before, I told you!
293
00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:18,128
- I'm not accusing you...
- I'm not saying you're accusing me!
294
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,697
- I'm telling you they were wet before.
- Okay, okay! Oh, gosh!
295
00:20:20,698 --> 00:20:22,565
- Okay, back up! Back up!
- Okay, whoa, whoa,
296
00:20:22,566 --> 00:20:23,933
- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Put your hands where I can see them!
297
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:25,568
- Okay, okay, okay, okay...
- Hands where I can see them!
298
00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,570
- Okay, okay.
- Drop my bra.
299
00:20:27,571 --> 00:20:29,371
Okay, okay, okay.
300
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:30,673
No!
301
00:20:30,674 --> 00:20:31,940
Drop it!
302
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,711
Gross.
303
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:37,680
- Are you nice?
- What?
304
00:20:37,681 --> 00:20:39,882
Are you a nice person?!
305
00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:41,183
Okay, yes, yes! I'm really nice!
306
00:20:41,184 --> 00:20:42,651
I'm very, very, very nice!
307
00:20:42,652 --> 00:20:44,319
I'm so nice, seriously. I promise you.
308
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,487
There is nothing to be afraid of.
309
00:20:46,488 --> 00:20:48,856
- Nothing of which to be afraid.
- But I just said that.
310
00:20:48,857 --> 00:20:50,291
You can't end sentences with prepositions!
311
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,426
"Nothing of which to be
afraid" is the proper grammar!
312
00:20:52,427 --> 00:20:53,494
Fine, yes, okay.
313
00:20:53,495 --> 00:20:55,229
- There's nothing of which...
- Yes.
314
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:56,430
Huh?
315
00:20:56,431 --> 00:20:57,531
- That's better.
- Good with that?
316
00:20:57,532 --> 00:20:59,667
Of which to be afraid, okay?
317
00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:00,702
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh?
318
00:21:00,703 --> 00:21:02,402
You can trust me, seriously.
319
00:21:02,403 --> 00:21:05,672
Honestly? I did wet my underpants.
320
00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:07,908
They were totally dry before I soaked them.
321
00:21:07,909 --> 00:21:10,077
- I soaked them.
- Why did you lie to me?
322
00:21:10,078 --> 00:21:12,278
'Cause I'm an adult
and I wet my underpants.
323
00:21:12,279 --> 00:21:14,614
Are you the one who put up all
those "alive in Tucson" signs?
324
00:21:14,615 --> 00:21:16,750
Yes! Yes! That was me.
325
00:21:16,751 --> 00:21:18,585
That was me. I did that. Look.
326
00:21:18,586 --> 00:21:20,086
I am so sorry.
327
00:21:20,087 --> 00:21:22,688
I haven't seen another human
being in, like, two years.
328
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:23,856
And I was literally
329
00:21:23,857 --> 00:21:25,725
about to kill myself five minutes ago.
330
00:21:25,726 --> 00:21:27,259
I'm harmless, okay?
331
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:29,161
Why don't you put that gun away?
332
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:30,629
What do you need that gun out for?
333
00:21:30,630 --> 00:21:32,598
Don't you mean "out for
what do you need that gun"?
334
00:21:32,599 --> 00:21:33,933
Okay, that can't be right.
335
00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:35,267
- It is.
- No, come on.
336
00:21:35,268 --> 00:21:37,936
No, no, no! You don't
have to cock that thing!
337
00:21:37,937 --> 00:21:39,370
Fine. Look.
338
00:21:39,371 --> 00:21:41,505
Out for what do you need that gun?
339
00:21:41,506 --> 00:21:42,941
Huh?
340
00:21:42,942 --> 00:21:44,175
Come on.
341
00:21:45,410 --> 00:21:47,378
I'm not gonna hurt you.
342
00:21:47,379 --> 00:21:50,882
Why don't you put that thing away?
343
00:21:50,883 --> 00:21:51,950
There you go.
344
00:21:51,951 --> 00:21:53,650
I'm a quick draw.
345
00:21:53,651 --> 00:21:55,318
So watch yourself.
346
00:21:55,319 --> 00:21:57,454
Thank you, thank you.
347
00:21:57,455 --> 00:21:59,489
Can we start over?
348
00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:00,457
Yeah, okay.
349
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:02,092
Phil Miller.
350
00:22:02,093 --> 00:22:03,794
Last man on earth.
351
00:22:03,795 --> 00:22:06,964
Carol Pilbasian.
352
00:22:06,965 --> 00:22:08,799
Last woman on earth.
353
00:22:11,769 --> 00:22:14,103
♪ Amen ♪
354
00:22:15,472 --> 00:22:18,440
♪ amen ♪
355
00:22:18,441 --> 00:22:20,576
♪ amen, amen... ♪
356
00:22:20,577 --> 00:22:22,945
Carol: Oh, makes my mouth
water just thinking about those.
357
00:22:22,946 --> 00:22:26,249
Then in Tampa, I scored,
ah, just a ton of radishes.
358
00:22:26,250 --> 00:22:28,449
You wouldn't think Florida for radishes,
359
00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:29,584
but they are absolutely chockablock.
360
00:22:29,585 --> 00:22:31,586
They say if you can't
find a radish in Tampa,
361
00:22:31,587 --> 00:22:32,921
just walk five feet.
362
00:22:32,922 --> 00:22:33,955
(Chuckles): They're abundant.
363
00:22:35,158 --> 00:22:37,759
Oh, God, how long have I been talking?
364
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,427
Uh, like, you know, 45 minutes.
365
00:22:39,428 --> 00:22:40,428
It's fine, it's fine.
366
00:22:40,429 --> 00:22:41,763
I am so sorry.
367
00:22:41,764 --> 00:22:43,931
I must have all this conversation
368
00:22:43,932 --> 00:22:46,066
that's just been waiting
to get out inside of me.
369
00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:47,601
Yeah.
370
00:22:47,602 --> 00:22:49,369
(Sputters, chuckles)
371
00:22:49,370 --> 00:22:51,038
Well, it's all coming out now, right?
372
00:22:51,039 --> 00:22:52,239
Flowing. (Chuckles)
373
00:22:57,946 --> 00:22:59,113
So, wh-what about you?
374
00:22:59,114 --> 00:23:00,980
Um, what did you do for a job?
375
00:23:00,981 --> 00:23:02,282
I was a temp.
376
00:23:02,283 --> 00:23:04,284
Oh, I'm sorry.
377
00:23:04,285 --> 00:23:05,518
How old are you?
378
00:23:05,519 --> 00:23:06,552
I'm 41.
379
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,221
Oh.
380
00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:10,023
Okay.
381
00:23:10,024 --> 00:23:11,691
(Chuckles): Well, you know,
382
00:23:11,692 --> 00:23:13,159
it's not something I'm super-proud of.
383
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,661
You mean not something of
which you are super-proud.
384
00:23:15,662 --> 00:23:16,662
- Yeah.
- Mmhmm.
385
00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:17,730
Were you an English teacher?
386
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:20,065
No, I was an office manager
387
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,834
at a hot sauce bottling company.
388
00:23:22,869 --> 00:23:25,337
Sounds like a spicy job.
389
00:23:25,338 --> 00:23:27,339
No, it... I didn't work with the spices.
390
00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:28,506
I was filing.
391
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:30,742
(Chuckles)
392
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,244
Cheers.
393
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,245
Cheers.
394
00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:34,379
Oh, whoa, whoa.
395
00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:35,379
(Makes clinking noise)
396
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:37,014
I want to protect the ceramic.
397
00:23:37,015 --> 00:23:39,317
Noted.
398
00:23:39,318 --> 00:23:41,152
And you have to make eye
contact, or it won't come true.
399
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,820
Oh, okay.
400
00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:44,188
- Well, let's try it again.
- Okay.
401
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:45,089
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
402
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:46,557
(Makes clinking noise)
403
00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:47,658
(Laughs)
404
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,741
Uh, oh.
405
00:24:04,742 --> 00:24:06,442
That was a stop sign.
406
00:24:06,443 --> 00:24:07,777
Y-yeah, it was.
407
00:24:07,778 --> 00:24:09,111
You just went right through it.
408
00:24:09,112 --> 00:24:11,280
Uh, y-yes, I did.
409
00:24:11,281 --> 00:24:14,750
Well, could you do me a flavor
and stop at the next one?
410
00:24:14,751 --> 00:24:17,753
Carol, stop signs are
there to mediate traffic.
411
00:24:17,754 --> 00:24:20,256
And traffic doesn't exist anymore,
412
00:24:20,257 --> 00:24:22,124
so essentially stop signs don't either.
413
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:23,658
Yeah, except that they do.
414
00:24:23,659 --> 00:24:25,194
And I'd rather you stopped at them.
415
00:24:25,195 --> 00:24:26,527
Oh, here's one. Here's one.
416
00:24:26,528 --> 00:24:27,528
- Here's one.
- Okay, okay, okay.
417
00:24:27,529 --> 00:24:28,729
Stopping.
418
00:24:31,533 --> 00:24:33,601
Looking both ways.
419
00:24:33,602 --> 00:24:35,270
And moving on.
420
00:24:35,271 --> 00:24:36,271
Here we go.
421
00:24:36,272 --> 00:24:38,239
I'm gonna ease into it.
422
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,240
Feel better?
423
00:24:39,241 --> 00:24:40,241
Thank you, Phil.
424
00:24:40,242 --> 00:24:41,910
Yeah.
425
00:24:41,911 --> 00:24:43,944
I can't wait to see your house.
426
00:24:43,945 --> 00:24:47,381
They say a person's home is
a reflection of their soul.
427
00:24:47,382 --> 00:24:49,549
So this is my toilet pool.
428
00:24:49,550 --> 00:24:50,550
Mmm.
429
00:24:52,553 --> 00:24:54,554
And here's my garbage pool.
430
00:24:54,555 --> 00:24:56,723
And, uh, this is my Margarita pool.
431
00:24:56,724 --> 00:24:59,192
Carol: You swim in that?
432
00:24:59,193 --> 00:25:01,527
Well, I swim in it, I drink out of it.
433
00:25:01,528 --> 00:25:03,862
There's really no wrong
way to use a Margarita pool,
434
00:25:03,863 --> 00:25:05,531
you know what I mean?
435
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:09,902
Work your way through here.
436
00:25:09,903 --> 00:25:12,405
Sorry, it's kind of messy right now.
437
00:25:12,406 --> 00:25:15,074
What a collection of cans.
438
00:25:15,075 --> 00:25:18,076
Oh, where'd you get all these paintings?
439
00:25:18,077 --> 00:25:19,577
You know, I took them from, uh...
440
00:25:19,578 --> 00:25:21,246
Various museums.
441
00:25:21,247 --> 00:25:24,349
I got some Van Goghs and Monets.
442
00:25:24,350 --> 00:25:25,683
In that pile alone, there's, like,
443
00:25:25,684 --> 00:25:27,518
a billion dollars worth
of famous paintings.
444
00:25:27,519 --> 00:25:30,021
So you stole all these paintings?
445
00:25:30,022 --> 00:25:32,090
What? No. No.
446
00:25:32,091 --> 00:25:34,624
Plus, I take very good care
of this stuff... oh, shoot.
447
00:25:34,625 --> 00:25:37,962
Uh, I'd better dry this baby off.
448
00:25:37,963 --> 00:25:39,296
There we go.
449
00:25:39,297 --> 00:25:40,630
Dry as new.
450
00:25:40,631 --> 00:25:41,865
Sorry, Rembrandt.
451
00:25:41,866 --> 00:25:43,167
Phil, what are these?
452
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:44,468
Uh...
453
00:25:44,469 --> 00:25:47,771
And those and those and that?
454
00:25:47,772 --> 00:25:50,441
They are... magazines.
455
00:25:50,442 --> 00:25:52,608
Oh. What kind of magazines?
456
00:25:52,609 --> 00:25:54,877
Well, they are...
457
00:25:54,878 --> 00:25:57,513
Masturbatory magazines.
458
00:25:57,514 --> 00:26:00,116
Okay. Okay.
459
00:26:00,117 --> 00:26:01,117
What?
460
00:26:01,118 --> 00:26:03,053
Is there, uh... Something wrong?
461
00:26:03,054 --> 00:26:06,990
You know, I'm just trying not
to judge the book by its cover.
462
00:26:06,991 --> 00:26:09,858
And-and what book are
you referring to, Carol?
463
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:12,160
The book to which I'm referring
464
00:26:12,161 --> 00:26:13,862
is called Phil Miller.
465
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:15,730
Sounds like a good book.
466
00:26:15,731 --> 00:26:18,066
It's the story of a man
with a brothel of a home
467
00:26:18,067 --> 00:26:19,734
and a pool filled with human excrement.
468
00:26:19,735 --> 00:26:21,769
Carol, there is no running water.
469
00:26:21,770 --> 00:26:23,505
Did you ever try to fix that?
470
00:26:23,506 --> 00:26:26,040
I did fix it. With a toilet pool.
471
00:26:26,041 --> 00:26:27,208
- Mmm.
- You probably would have done
472
00:26:27,209 --> 00:26:28,309
the exact same thing.
473
00:26:28,310 --> 00:26:30,244
Oh, no, I know that I wouldn't have.
474
00:26:30,245 --> 00:26:31,545
Because I'm not an animal.
475
00:26:31,546 --> 00:26:33,080
Oh, so I'm an animal now?
476
00:26:33,081 --> 00:26:34,081
Okay, thank you.
477
00:26:34,082 --> 00:26:35,416
I'm just saying
478
00:26:35,417 --> 00:26:38,085
that if you diverted a small percentage
479
00:26:38,086 --> 00:26:39,420
of your masturbation energy
480
00:26:39,421 --> 00:26:41,322
towards fixing the water problem,
481
00:26:41,323 --> 00:26:45,025
you might be going potty
in a toilet right now.
482
00:26:45,026 --> 00:26:47,994
Maybe we should get you
back to that campsite.
483
00:26:54,101 --> 00:26:55,935
Look, I know you've been
through a hard time...
484
00:26:55,936 --> 00:26:57,870
We both have...
485
00:26:57,871 --> 00:27:00,005
But I'm gonna help you get
your life back together.
486
00:27:00,006 --> 00:27:02,241
Well, I am looking forward to that.
487
00:27:02,242 --> 00:27:03,608
Good first day.
488
00:27:03,609 --> 00:27:05,244
Great first day.
489
00:27:05,245 --> 00:27:06,846
- See you tom...
- (Tires screeching)
490
00:27:11,914 --> 00:27:13,081
(Cans clattering)
491
00:27:15,317 --> 00:27:16,784
Carol?
492
00:27:16,785 --> 00:27:17,818
What are you doing in here?
493
00:27:17,819 --> 00:27:18,853
Good morning!
494
00:27:18,854 --> 00:27:20,688
Remember how I said
495
00:27:20,689 --> 00:27:22,690
your home was a reflection of your soul?
496
00:27:22,691 --> 00:27:24,959
Well, I'm cleaning up your soul.
497
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,295
Well, uh, next time you
want to clean up my soul,
498
00:27:27,296 --> 00:27:28,662
could you please give me
499
00:27:28,663 --> 00:27:29,996
a little advanced notice beforehand?
500
00:27:29,997 --> 00:27:31,665
- Of course.
- Yeah.
501
00:27:31,666 --> 00:27:33,100
- Sorry.
- Okay. (Laughs)
502
00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:35,936
Uh, here, I'll just put
it back the way you had it.
503
00:27:35,937 --> 00:27:37,071
That'd be great.
504
00:27:38,139 --> 00:27:39,139
Whoa, whoa, wait!
505
00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,140
Now, no, no, no!
506
00:27:40,141 --> 00:27:42,042
Be gentle! Carol, Carol!
507
00:27:42,043 --> 00:27:43,710
Watch out for my Jenga tower, okay?
508
00:27:43,711 --> 00:27:45,278
I spent a lot of time on that.
509
00:27:45,279 --> 00:27:48,247
Oh, and you think that's
time well spent, Phil?
510
00:27:50,016 --> 00:27:51,016
Yes, I do.
511
00:27:51,017 --> 00:27:52,418
Phil, you can't just be playing
512
00:27:52,419 --> 00:27:53,786
with your Yenga all day.
513
00:27:53,787 --> 00:27:55,788
We have work to do.
514
00:27:55,789 --> 00:27:58,691
I need gardening supplies,
you need cleaning supplies.
515
00:27:58,692 --> 00:27:59,992
We're going to the store.
516
00:27:59,993 --> 00:28:02,527
No, we're n...
517
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,102
Carol: Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
518
00:28:10,103 --> 00:28:11,103
Phil: What now?
519
00:28:11,104 --> 00:28:12,204
(Carol scoffs)
520
00:28:12,205 --> 00:28:13,871
This is a handicapped parking spot.
521
00:28:13,872 --> 00:28:15,307
Okay, Carol.
522
00:28:15,308 --> 00:28:17,041
We're the last two people on earth.
523
00:28:17,042 --> 00:28:19,143
If by some tiny chance
524
00:28:19,144 --> 00:28:22,045
a handicapped person happens
to be driving through Tucson
525
00:28:22,046 --> 00:28:24,215
and makes a beeline
for this hardware store,
526
00:28:24,216 --> 00:28:25,549
they can park right over there,
527
00:28:25,550 --> 00:28:27,551
which is even closer to the store.
528
00:28:27,552 --> 00:28:29,186
That's not a parking spot.
529
00:28:29,187 --> 00:28:30,488
That is a spot, Carol!
530
00:28:30,489 --> 00:28:31,755
No, it's not a spot.
531
00:28:31,756 --> 00:28:33,056
And that is a parking spot...
532
00:28:33,057 --> 00:28:34,691
- No.
- And that is a parking spot.
533
00:28:34,692 --> 00:28:36,026
Look all around you.
534
00:28:36,027 --> 00:28:38,428
Everything you see right
now is a parking spot.
535
00:28:38,429 --> 00:28:39,862
You're a parking spot.
536
00:28:39,863 --> 00:28:41,197
Yes, I am!
537
00:28:41,198 --> 00:28:42,599
Now you're getting it.
538
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,668
The whole freaking world
is a parking spot now.
539
00:28:45,669 --> 00:28:48,004
It's one of the only
benefits of our situation.
540
00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:49,339
In fact, you know what?
541
00:28:49,340 --> 00:28:51,007
I want to park a little closer...
542
00:28:51,008 --> 00:28:52,808
I want to park a little closer.
543
00:28:52,809 --> 00:28:54,943
Carol: What are you doing?
544
00:28:54,944 --> 00:28:57,045
Phil: Getting a closer parking spot.
545
00:29:06,556 --> 00:29:08,323
This spot feels right to me.
546
00:29:08,324 --> 00:29:09,658
This feels good.
547
00:29:13,094 --> 00:29:14,262
So that's it, huh?
548
00:29:14,263 --> 00:29:16,597
You don't care about rules or laws anymore?
549
00:29:16,598 --> 00:29:17,931
What's next?
550
00:29:17,932 --> 00:29:19,367
You gonna burn down a church?
551
00:29:19,368 --> 00:29:21,636
Carol, I would never burn down a church.
552
00:29:21,637 --> 00:29:23,971
- Why?
- It's a church!
553
00:29:23,972 --> 00:29:27,507
And this is a store, and that
is a handicapped parking spot!
554
00:29:29,544 --> 00:29:31,344
Fine.
555
00:29:39,287 --> 00:29:42,222
Phil: So, uh, guess who's not
the last person on earth anymore.
556
00:29:42,223 --> 00:29:44,490
It should be the best
day of my life, right?
557
00:29:44,491 --> 00:29:46,592
I mean, you guys know how horny I've been.
558
00:29:46,593 --> 00:29:48,227
Just so, so, so, so, so horny.
559
00:29:48,228 --> 00:29:50,229
Just next-level horny.
560
00:29:50,230 --> 00:29:52,130
But this woman is just a turd.
561
00:29:52,131 --> 00:29:54,433
Eight ball, corner pocket.
562
00:29:54,434 --> 00:29:56,435
Maybe I'm being too harsh.
563
00:29:56,436 --> 00:29:57,936
At times she's almost kind of cute.
564
00:29:57,937 --> 00:30:00,406
Then she opens her
mouth, and it just sucks.
565
00:30:00,407 --> 00:30:02,139
What a turd. Eight ball, corner pocket.
566
00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:03,474
Ugh!
567
00:30:03,475 --> 00:30:05,677
"Ooh, I want to fix you, Phil."
568
00:30:05,678 --> 00:30:07,245
That's what she said to me.
569
00:30:07,246 --> 00:30:08,613
I'm a work in progress, sure,
570
00:30:08,614 --> 00:30:10,114
but I've progressed to
the point where it's...
571
00:30:10,115 --> 00:30:11,949
I'm very close, I'm very close.
572
00:30:11,950 --> 00:30:14,018
Eight ball, corner pocket. (Groans)
573
00:30:14,019 --> 00:30:15,853
Bottom line, and I can't
believe I'm saying this,
574
00:30:15,854 --> 00:30:17,755
I think I need a little space.
575
00:30:26,063 --> 00:30:27,464
(Gargles)
576
00:30:33,638 --> 00:30:36,339
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
577
00:30:36,340 --> 00:30:38,006
No, no, no, no, no!
578
00:30:38,007 --> 00:30:39,808
No, no, no, no no, no, no, no.
579
00:30:39,809 --> 00:30:41,477
No, no, no, no. Carol, Carol.
580
00:30:41,478 --> 00:30:42,478
Carol, Carol, Carol?
581
00:30:42,479 --> 00:30:43,812
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
582
00:30:43,813 --> 00:30:45,114
Huh? I'm moving in next door.
583
00:30:45,115 --> 00:30:46,616
- Carol...
- Yeah.
584
00:30:46,617 --> 00:30:47,816
There are, no exaggeration,
585
00:30:47,817 --> 00:30:49,685
all the houses in the world to choose from.
586
00:30:49,686 --> 00:30:52,621
Okay, why does it have to be the
house right next door to mine?
587
00:30:52,622 --> 00:30:54,389
What's wrong?
588
00:30:54,390 --> 00:30:56,224
Do you do weird stuff in your house
589
00:30:56,225 --> 00:30:57,825
that you don't want me to see?
590
00:30:57,826 --> 00:30:59,494
I... no, I do not do weird stuff.
591
00:30:59,495 --> 00:31:00,828
I do normal stuff.
592
00:31:00,829 --> 00:31:03,164
But I'd like to do that
normal stuff in private.
593
00:31:03,165 --> 00:31:04,832
Are you afraid I'm gonna see you naked?
594
00:31:04,833 --> 00:31:06,334
(Chuckles)
595
00:31:08,304 --> 00:31:09,637
Does this answer your question?
596
00:31:09,638 --> 00:31:11,905
Do you want me to look at it? Hello.
597
00:31:11,906 --> 00:31:13,307
- No! No, Carol.
- What do you say, little guy?
598
00:31:13,308 --> 00:31:15,208
Is this what you want?
I'm looking right at it.
599
00:31:15,209 --> 00:31:16,209
- Carol, stop this.
- Ooh.
600
00:31:16,210 --> 00:31:17,344
- Don't be scared.
- Come on, Carol.
601
00:31:17,345 --> 00:31:19,380
Carol.
602
00:31:19,381 --> 00:31:20,881
Look, I'll choose a different house,
603
00:31:20,882 --> 00:31:22,349
but I'm staying in this neighborhood.
604
00:31:24,319 --> 00:31:26,653
All right.
605
00:31:26,654 --> 00:31:29,389
How much longer are we
gonna dance around this?
606
00:31:29,390 --> 00:31:31,424
Dance around what?
607
00:31:31,425 --> 00:31:33,760
The reason we both survived... our purpose.
608
00:31:33,761 --> 00:31:35,728
We were chosen.
609
00:31:35,729 --> 00:31:38,030
W-would you just say
what you're trying to say?
610
00:31:38,031 --> 00:31:39,932
Repopulation, you dumb donkey!
611
00:31:39,933 --> 00:31:41,901
Something we have to do!
612
00:31:41,902 --> 00:31:43,402
Together!
613
00:31:43,403 --> 00:31:46,271
Carol, no disrespect here,
614
00:31:46,272 --> 00:31:48,674
but have you ever heard the phrase,
615
00:31:48,675 --> 00:31:49,908
"I wouldn't have sex with you
616
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,543
if you were the last person on earth"?
617
00:31:51,544 --> 00:31:54,245
You think I want to repopulate with you?
618
00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:57,349
Oh, I would rather eat a cat.
619
00:31:57,350 --> 00:31:59,117
And I love cats.
620
00:31:59,118 --> 00:32:01,385
(Voice breaking): And the
thought of killing a cat
621
00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:03,887
and then eating its little furry body,
622
00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:06,624
like, that's how I feel
about making love to you.
623
00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:08,225
So we're done here, then?
624
00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:09,727
Oh, not by a long shot.
625
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:13,764
The fate of the human
race is depending on us.
626
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:16,900
You may hide behind that
rat's nest of a beard of yours
627
00:32:16,901 --> 00:32:19,035
and pretend that you
don't care about anything,
628
00:32:19,036 --> 00:32:21,538
but I know that deep down inside of you,
629
00:32:21,539 --> 00:32:24,874
there is a nice-smelling person
who actually gives a hoot,
630
00:32:24,875 --> 00:32:27,310
and I am not giving up until I find him!
631
00:32:27,311 --> 00:32:30,279
Well, good luck with that, Carol.
632
00:32:31,615 --> 00:32:34,283
I'm gonna find him!
633
00:32:34,284 --> 00:32:36,385
You're a great guy, Phil!
634
00:32:36,386 --> 00:32:39,054
Somewhere in there!
635
00:32:39,055 --> 00:32:40,389
Hidden.
636
00:32:40,390 --> 00:32:41,891
Far away.
637
00:32:48,938 --> 00:32:49,938
Hi, Phil.
638
00:32:49,939 --> 00:32:51,106
Carol!
639
00:32:51,107 --> 00:32:53,308
Geez! Can I get a little privacy here?!
640
00:32:53,309 --> 00:32:56,144
Oh, definitely... if you
used your inside toilet.
641
00:32:56,145 --> 00:32:58,446
What part of "no running
water" do you not understand?
642
00:32:58,447 --> 00:32:59,748
All of it.
643
00:32:59,749 --> 00:33:01,650
(Chuckles): I mean, look
at what you're doing, Phil.
644
00:33:01,651 --> 00:33:04,319
Carol, this works for me.
645
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,854
The fact that it doesn't work
for you is not my problem.
646
00:33:06,855 --> 00:33:09,356
I just want to live
like a human being again.
647
00:33:09,357 --> 00:33:10,857
I want to take a shower.
648
00:33:10,858 --> 00:33:12,192
I want to water my garden.
649
00:33:12,193 --> 00:33:14,361
I want our kids to have
fresh fruits and vegetables.
650
00:33:14,362 --> 00:33:15,362
Our kids?!
651
00:33:15,363 --> 00:33:16,797
- Yes.
- Carol,
652
00:33:16,798 --> 00:33:19,533
I am definitely not having kids with you.
653
00:33:19,534 --> 00:33:21,868
Fine, I want fresh fruits and vegetables.
654
00:33:21,869 --> 00:33:23,136
Don't you want that?
655
00:33:23,137 --> 00:33:25,205
I honestly don't care.
656
00:33:25,206 --> 00:33:27,407
Suit yourself.
657
00:33:27,408 --> 00:33:28,641
Whoa...
658
00:33:28,642 --> 00:33:31,076
(Gasps) Mmm.
659
00:33:31,077 --> 00:33:32,211
What is that?
660
00:33:32,212 --> 00:33:33,646
Oh.
661
00:33:33,647 --> 00:33:34,647
This to-mah-to?
662
00:33:34,648 --> 00:33:36,649
Carol, just say "tomato."
663
00:33:36,650 --> 00:33:37,983
Phil, some people say "to-mah-to."
664
00:33:37,984 --> 00:33:39,084
I'm one of those people.
665
00:33:39,085 --> 00:33:40,986
Of course you are.
666
00:33:40,987 --> 00:33:43,988
Now, I grew this personally,
and I would love to grow more,
667
00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:45,791
but I need help getting water to my garden.
668
00:33:45,792 --> 00:33:47,726
Are you in? Are you out?
669
00:33:47,727 --> 00:33:48,760
Oh, I'm definitely out.
670
00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:50,228
I was never even close to being in.
671
00:33:50,229 --> 00:33:51,229
In any way.
672
00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:52,897
All right.
673
00:33:52,898 --> 00:33:54,666
But those that don't help don't eat.
674
00:33:54,667 --> 00:33:56,501
- Bye.
- Mmm...
675
00:33:56,502 --> 00:33:58,102
Mmm...
676
00:33:58,103 --> 00:33:59,904
- Mmm.
- Yeah. Looks... disgusting.
677
00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:01,672
Mm-mm-mm!
678
00:34:01,673 --> 00:34:03,641
Oh, so juicy!
679
00:34:03,642 --> 00:34:05,743
Oh!
680
00:34:05,744 --> 00:34:07,678
- (Metal clanging)
- Carol: Ah!
681
00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:10,180
Ah!
682
00:34:10,181 --> 00:34:12,383
Son of a bee sting!
683
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:14,685
(Hammer clanging)
684
00:34:14,686 --> 00:34:16,520
(Manhole cover dragging on asphalt)
685
00:34:16,521 --> 00:34:19,155
Carol (Outside): Ah! That really hurt!
686
00:34:24,762 --> 00:34:26,963
(Sighs)
687
00:34:26,964 --> 00:34:29,165
♪
688
00:34:56,925 --> 00:34:58,826
You enjoy those to-mah-toes, Phil?
689
00:34:58,827 --> 00:35:01,429
I don't know what you're talking about.
690
00:35:01,430 --> 00:35:03,398
You stole my to-mah-toes, Phil.
691
00:35:03,399 --> 00:35:04,231
Did not.
692
00:35:04,232 --> 00:35:05,833
You stole my to-mah-toes
693
00:35:05,834 --> 00:35:07,935
and you left poop in my garden.
694
00:35:07,936 --> 00:35:09,936
Must've been a raccoon.
695
00:35:17,278 --> 00:35:19,279
You're a terrorist.
696
00:35:23,851 --> 00:35:25,285
What happened to your foot?
697
00:35:25,286 --> 00:35:28,821
I dropped the manhole cover on it.
698
00:35:28,822 --> 00:35:29,822
I'm fine.
699
00:35:29,823 --> 00:35:31,123
You don't look fine.
700
00:35:31,124 --> 00:35:33,091
I'm fine.
701
00:35:37,798 --> 00:35:40,633
- (Metal clanging)
- Carol: Ah!
702
00:35:45,137 --> 00:35:47,772
Carol (Outside): Son of a bee sting!
703
00:35:47,773 --> 00:35:48,807
(Manhole cover thuds)
704
00:35:48,808 --> 00:35:50,508
Ah!
705
00:35:50,509 --> 00:35:53,411
(Metal clanging)
706
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:57,281
You win, manhole!
707
00:36:25,509 --> 00:36:28,210
Carol, what are you doing?
708
00:36:28,211 --> 00:36:30,045
What does it look like?
709
00:36:30,046 --> 00:36:32,314
It looks like you're
making a toilet fountain.
710
00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:34,583
Bingo.
711
00:36:34,584 --> 00:36:36,117
And you'll be happy to hear
712
00:36:36,118 --> 00:36:37,786
I've given up on the water project.
713
00:36:37,787 --> 00:36:38,954
And everything else, too.
714
00:36:38,955 --> 00:36:41,055
Are-are your pants on?
715
00:36:41,056 --> 00:36:43,024
For now.
716
00:36:43,025 --> 00:36:46,327
Look, wh... what are you talking about?
717
00:36:46,328 --> 00:36:49,364
- I can't even raise a to-mah-to.
- Tomato.
718
00:36:49,365 --> 00:36:51,098
What makes me think I could ever give birth
719
00:36:51,099 --> 00:36:53,100
to a whole new civilization?
720
00:36:53,101 --> 00:36:55,369
Carol, I think you're
overreacting a little.
721
00:36:55,370 --> 00:36:56,504
Look, you're off the hook.
722
00:36:56,505 --> 00:36:58,606
I was wrong about our purpose.
723
00:36:58,607 --> 00:37:00,741
We weren't chosen.
724
00:37:00,742 --> 00:37:02,676
We were forgotten.
725
00:37:02,677 --> 00:37:05,479
Carol, it's just a stupid garden.
726
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,347
Yeah.
727
00:37:07,348 --> 00:37:09,081
It's also a parking spot.
728
00:37:09,082 --> 00:37:11,150
(Sighs)
729
00:37:11,151 --> 00:37:12,785
I really do have to go.
730
00:37:12,786 --> 00:37:14,020
Like, bad.
731
00:37:17,725 --> 00:37:19,291
♪
732
00:37:39,661 --> 00:37:41,595
♪ I'm gonna tell you a story... ♪
733
00:37:41,596 --> 00:37:42,596
Damn it!
734
00:37:42,597 --> 00:37:45,799
♪ It's all about my town ♪
735
00:37:47,535 --> 00:37:50,804
♪ yeah, down by the river damn it! ♪
736
00:37:52,206 --> 00:37:53,774
♪ Down by the banks damn it! ♪
737
00:37:53,775 --> 00:37:57,043
♪ Of the river Charles ♪
738
00:37:57,044 --> 00:37:58,711
- ♪ aw, that's what's happening, baby... ♪
- Damn it!
739
00:37:58,712 --> 00:38:00,345
Ah! Damn it!
740
00:38:01,615 --> 00:38:04,550
♪ That's where you'll find me... ♪
741
00:38:04,551 --> 00:38:06,151
(Gasps)
742
00:38:06,152 --> 00:38:07,653
♪ Along with lovers damn it! ♪
743
00:38:07,654 --> 00:38:10,322
♪ Buggers and thieves oh! ♪
744
00:38:10,323 --> 00:38:12,323
- ♪ Aw, but they're cool people oh! ♪
- Ah!
745
00:38:14,827 --> 00:38:18,697
♪ But I love that dirty water ♪
746
00:38:18,698 --> 00:38:22,767
♪ oh, Boston, you're my home ♪
747
00:38:24,436 --> 00:38:26,204
- ♪ oh, you're the number one place... ♪
- Damn it!
748
00:38:26,205 --> 00:38:27,939
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
749
00:38:27,940 --> 00:38:29,640
Damn it!
750
00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:33,944
You've been tamed, sir.
751
00:38:33,945 --> 00:38:36,146
♪ Well, I love that dirty water... ♪
752
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,414
Damn it!
753
00:38:37,415 --> 00:38:39,116
♪ Baby ♪
754
00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:41,919
♪ love that dirty water ♪
755
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,989
- ♪ love that dirty water ♪
- Phil: Ah!
756
00:38:44,990 --> 00:38:46,422
- ♪ Love that dirty... ♪
- Damn it!
757
00:38:46,423 --> 00:38:48,725
(Knocking)
758
00:38:51,428 --> 00:38:52,762
Carol.
759
00:38:52,763 --> 00:38:53,763
Hello, Phil.
760
00:38:53,764 --> 00:38:55,431
- How's the foot?
- Not great.
761
00:38:55,432 --> 00:38:57,466
- How's the toilet fountain?
- Full.
762
00:38:57,467 --> 00:38:59,035
Ah, geez, Carol.
763
00:38:59,036 --> 00:39:00,369
Could you come with me for a minute?
764
00:39:08,611 --> 00:39:10,779
You know anything about this?
765
00:39:10,780 --> 00:39:12,481
Nope.
766
00:39:12,482 --> 00:39:13,682
Can't help you.
767
00:39:13,683 --> 00:39:15,383
Really?
768
00:39:15,384 --> 00:39:17,753
No. Carol, I mean, look at this thing.
769
00:39:17,754 --> 00:39:19,387
Whoever did this would've had to
770
00:39:19,388 --> 00:39:20,488
stay up all night
771
00:39:20,489 --> 00:39:22,590
and go research water systems at a library
772
00:39:22,591 --> 00:39:24,459
and then put all this stuff together.
773
00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:27,061
Do I look like somebody who
could do something like that?
774
00:39:27,062 --> 00:39:29,163
Y-you're right. Couldn't have been you.
775
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:35,002
Hey. You want to come
over for dinner tonight?
776
00:39:38,439 --> 00:39:40,440
Yeah. I'd like that.
777
00:39:40,441 --> 00:39:42,609
Okay.
778
00:39:42,610 --> 00:39:45,345
Well, see you.
779
00:39:47,381 --> 00:39:49,415
Hey, uh, Carol?
780
00:39:50,451 --> 00:39:52,719
You know I did this, right?
781
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,053
Yeah, I know, Phil.
782
00:39:55,054 --> 00:39:57,690
It was... a lot of work
and it took all night
783
00:39:57,691 --> 00:40:00,626
and I had to go to a library
and read a bunch of crap.
784
00:40:00,627 --> 00:40:02,962
Yeah, it's very, very
obvious it was you who did it.
785
00:40:02,963 --> 00:40:04,597
Feels good, I'll admit.
786
00:40:04,598 --> 00:40:07,299
It feels good to be so selfless.
787
00:40:08,334 --> 00:40:10,135
Anyway, we can talk more about it
788
00:40:10,136 --> 00:40:11,803
at dinner.
789
00:40:11,804 --> 00:40:13,905
Okay.
790
00:40:13,906 --> 00:40:15,573
I have a feeling we're gonna remember
791
00:40:15,574 --> 00:40:17,542
what I did here today for a long time.
792
00:40:17,543 --> 00:40:19,210
And that's cool.
793
00:40:29,921 --> 00:40:33,624
There's a fork, if... If you need it.
794
00:40:33,625 --> 00:40:35,191
Oh.
795
00:40:35,192 --> 00:40:36,760
I'm good.
796
00:40:38,029 --> 00:40:39,997
This is really nice.
797
00:40:39,998 --> 00:40:41,164
Mmm, I know.
798
00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:44,767
You showed a lot of chutzpah today, Phil.
799
00:40:44,768 --> 00:40:46,335
And it made me
800
00:40:46,336 --> 00:40:49,906
think that maybe God does
want us to lay together.
801
00:40:53,309 --> 00:40:55,077
- Okay.
- Oh.
802
00:40:55,078 --> 00:40:56,445
I've been really horny, so...
803
00:40:56,446 --> 00:40:59,015
Well, that's nice.
804
00:40:59,016 --> 00:41:02,017
I should probably go wash my balls first.
805
00:41:02,018 --> 00:41:03,217
- Mmm!
- Meet you back here in five?
806
00:41:03,218 --> 00:41:04,619
Want to knock it out? (Laughs)
807
00:41:04,620 --> 00:41:05,754
No.
808
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:07,188
Wait, I don't... What do you mean?
809
00:41:07,189 --> 00:41:09,858
I'm not gonna have sex with
you unless we're married.
810
00:41:09,859 --> 00:41:12,460
(Laughing)
811
00:41:12,461 --> 00:41:14,563
Oh, it's nice to see you smile.
812
00:41:14,564 --> 00:41:17,032
That is your first really good joke.
813
00:41:17,033 --> 00:41:18,166
That's very funny.
814
00:41:18,167 --> 00:41:19,967
Phil, I'm not kidding.
815
00:41:19,968 --> 00:41:22,302
We have to be married first.
816
00:41:22,303 --> 00:41:23,837
You're serious.
817
00:41:23,838 --> 00:41:25,005
- Yes.
- Oh.
818
00:41:25,006 --> 00:41:26,139
Then, no.
819
00:41:26,140 --> 00:41:27,074
Phil, we can't...
820
00:41:27,075 --> 00:41:28,141
Absolute no.
821
00:41:28,142 --> 00:41:29,242
Why not?
822
00:41:29,243 --> 00:41:30,945
Wh... what do you mean, "why not?"
823
00:41:30,946 --> 00:41:32,345
Why?
824
00:41:32,346 --> 00:41:34,481
The first child of this new
world is not gonna be a bastard.
825
00:41:34,482 --> 00:41:36,049
Yeah, 'cause it's not gonna exist,
826
00:41:36,050 --> 00:41:37,349
'cause I'm not gonna marry you.
827
00:41:37,350 --> 00:41:39,052
Then you're the bastard.
828
00:41:39,053 --> 00:41:40,219
Fine, I'm the bastard.
829
00:41:40,220 --> 00:41:41,487
And good-bye human race.
830
00:41:41,488 --> 00:41:43,289
(Chuckles) Thank you for dinner.
831
00:41:43,290 --> 00:41:46,225
I am going to go back to my house...
832
00:41:46,226 --> 00:41:47,259
Right.
833
00:41:47,260 --> 00:41:49,195
Think about how crazy you are.
834
00:41:49,196 --> 00:41:50,529
Okay.
835
00:41:50,530 --> 00:41:51,965
Enjoy those... You are being serious?!
836
00:41:51,966 --> 00:41:52,965
Yes.
837
00:41:52,966 --> 00:41:54,700
Why do you have to be married?
838
00:41:54,701 --> 00:41:57,135
It-it doesn't mean anything anymore.
839
00:41:57,136 --> 00:41:58,737
It means something to me, Phil.
840
00:41:58,738 --> 00:42:00,672
Well, it doesn't mean anything to me.
841
00:42:00,673 --> 00:42:02,107
Then why do you care?
842
00:42:11,783 --> 00:42:14,384
Phil: What is happening here?!
843
00:42:14,385 --> 00:42:18,089
It's tomato! It's tomato!
844
00:42:27,364 --> 00:42:29,032
Oh, hi.
845
00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:32,468
Fine.
846
00:42:32,469 --> 00:42:33,737
We're married.
847
00:42:33,738 --> 00:42:37,406
Phil, get down on one
knee and do it properly.
848
00:42:37,407 --> 00:42:39,442
This is so stupid.
849
00:42:39,443 --> 00:42:41,111
- Can you do it over here?
- Carol...
850
00:42:41,112 --> 00:42:42,112
- Well, do it...
- We...
851
00:42:42,113 --> 00:42:43,179
Get it over here... Over here...
852
00:42:43,180 --> 00:42:45,380
No! This is where the
proposal is happening.
853
00:42:45,381 --> 00:42:48,017
Okay. You want it, you
come over here and get it.
854
00:42:48,018 --> 00:42:49,018
Okay.
855
00:42:49,019 --> 00:42:51,120
Carol... What's your middle name?
856
00:42:51,121 --> 00:42:52,021
Andrew.
857
00:42:52,022 --> 00:42:53,255
- Andrew?
- Yeah.
858
00:42:53,256 --> 00:42:54,623
What is that, a family name?
859
00:42:54,624 --> 00:42:55,724
No.
860
00:42:58,128 --> 00:43:00,895
Carol... Andrew Pilbasian...
861
00:43:01,964 --> 00:43:03,230
will you marry me?
862
00:43:03,231 --> 00:43:04,732
Yes!
863
00:43:04,733 --> 00:43:06,433
Yes, I will!
864
00:43:06,434 --> 00:43:07,802
- Yes, I will!
- You will?
865
00:43:07,803 --> 00:43:10,038
- Yes!
- Oh!
866
00:43:10,039 --> 00:43:11,973
Did you... have any doubt?
867
00:43:11,974 --> 00:43:13,440
- I was so nervous.
- (Laughing)
868
00:43:13,441 --> 00:43:15,609
Oh!
869
00:43:15,610 --> 00:43:16,711
Yay!
870
00:43:16,712 --> 00:43:20,023
We're getting married! Yay! Yeah.
871
00:43:20,624 --> 00:43:24,544
- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
- www.addic7ed.com -
58012
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