Original subtitles

(SINGING) Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun?

Not much money, oh, but honey, ain't we got fun?

The rent's unpaid, dear.

We haven't a car.

But anyway, dear.

We'll stay as we are.

Even if we owe the grocer, ain't we got fun?

Tax collectors getting closer, so we have fun.

There's nothing surer.

The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer.

In the meantime, in between time, hey we got fun.

-Yay! -Yay!

More, more, more!

No, no, no, no.

I got lot to do today.

I can't just play orchestra for you guys.

And so have I got a lot to do.

So come on, let's run upstairs.

There's some things you need to up there.

Hello, daddy.

Hi-ya.

Where you been?

Oh, I had a date with Joey Freeman.

You had a date with the boy dressed like that?

What's wrong with it?

Nothing.

You're the essence of femininity.

You're about as glamorous as a hockey puck.

Well dad, we only went ice skating.

You go ice skating in a sweatshirt?

Whatever happened to the nice swirly

skirts with the turtleneck sweater and the hat

with the puff on the top?

You know.

Dad, I'm not Sonja Haney.

You're also not Maxie Rosenbloom.

Don't worry about it, daddy.

Joey doesn't.

I got to run, I'm in a-- I'm late.

You get a load of the way your daughter's dressed?

What's wrong with it?

What's wrong with it?

These teenagers, the way they dress for a date nowadays.

You can't tell which one is the fella.

Oh honey, Terry's barely 16.

Barely 16?

She's a young lady and should dress like a young lady.

What ever happened to femininity?

I bet when you were her age, you didn't run around

in your father's sweatshirt.

I certainly did not.

Yeah, there you are.

I had my own.

You know, I thought you said you were expecting someone at 3:30.

I am.

Well do you know it's almost 3:30 now?

Holy smoke, and I'm not even dressed yet.

Who's coming?

Oh, it's some girl.

It's a dancer.

Phil wants me to look her over for a production number

we're going to do at the club.

Oh, that must be her now.

Honey, keep her occupied, will you, until I change my clothes?

Fine thing.

You invite girl dancers to your home

and expect your wife to entertain them.

That's me.

Sultan Williams and his happy harem.

Is this the Williams residence?

Oh, yes.

We were expecting you.

I'm Mrs. Williams.

I'm Connie Coleman.

Oh, won't you come in?

Thank you.

Would you sit down a minute?

My husband will be right with you.

Oh?

Well that's nice.

Where's Terry?

Terry?

Well, yes.

We were supposed to go shopping together today.

You and Terry?

That's right.

You're Terry's friend?

Yes.

We met at a school dance last week.

Oh.

Do you supposed she's forgotten?

No, I-- I think she's dressing.

I'll tell her your here.

Oh.

Hey, miss, uh--

-Connie Coleman. -Oh.

How do you do? I'm Danny Williams.

How do you do?

Oh, very lovely.

Stand up, please?

Thank you very much.

Now just turn around, will you?

I beg your pardon?

Don't beg my pardon.

Just turn around, huh?

Would you mind coming over here, please?

Fine. Now would you walk up and down.

Let's see how you move, huh?

Oh, come on.

Put a little something into it, huh?

Well don't be nervous.

Just relax, eh?

I am relaxed.

Yes.

I'm sure you are.

Now look, here's the whole idea.

See, I do a bit about, uh, Latin American lovers.

See, it's a real funny comedy monologue.

And then in the middle of it, you come up

in a black sheathed dress, see, and it fits

kind of tight through here.

What are you, a novice or something?

Stand still, will you?

I say it fits tight through here.

You see?

Then you kind of slither over to me like this, see?

And I come over to you and then grab you,

and we go into the tango.

I see you two have gotten acquainted.

Hello, Terry.

Hi, Connie.

Hi, Connie?

You know my daughter?

Oh, darling, Connie is Terry's friend.

What?

Yeah.

She just came to pick me up.

We're going shopping.

Yes, and I think we'd better be on our way.

Now wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

Let me explain.

Well that's quite all right, Mr. Williams.

Lots of times I get an urge to dance, too.

Bye, daddy.

Well how was I supposed to know?

Besides, the way she was dressed and all.

It was an honest mistake.

Where does Terry come to a girlfriend like that?

Well, they met at school.

What, is she one of the teachers?

No, dear.

She a member of the mother's club?

Oh, honey, stop it.

I know she looks mature, but Terry tells me

she's just going on 18.

Going on 18?

She must be going backwards.

How do you like that?

Huh.

Let your kids out of your sight for a minute

and all of a sudden they start running around

with a minor league vampire.

Oh, honey, they're not as bad as all that.

Boy, kangaroos.

They got the idea.

They don't let their young ones run around as they please, boy.

They stick them in their pouch where they

can keep their eyes on them.

All right, honey.

I'll go down and buy you a pouch tomorrow.

Oh, come on.

Knock off with the jokes.

You mean you condone your daughter running

around with a girl like that?

Well she's not much older than Terry.

Not much older?

Are you kidding?

That girl looks as old as you do.

As old as I do?

Wait.

All right for you.

You'll be sorry.

Now what is it?

Oh, Terry won't let us in her old room.

She said we were monsters.

Yeah.

I'm used to her talking to me like that,

but how can she call this adorable little child

a monster?

I'm just as much of a monster as you are.

Look.

Sorry, kid, you just don't have it.

Listen, I have a wonderful idea.

Why don't you take Linda into your room

and give her monster lessons?

That way you can stay out of Terry's room

while she's entertaining her guest.

Connie?

She's no guest.

She's a border.

I know.

Run into the kitchen and get some chocolate

milk and cookies, huh?

OK.

You know, I noticed something.

Well whenever parents want to get rid of their kids,

they always send them into the kitchen for cookies and milk.

But if the kids ask for them, they're pigs.

Hi, sweetheart.

KATHY: Oh, hi.

What kind of a hi was that? What's the matter?

Oh, this darn bank.

They're always making mistakes.

They've got me overdrawn again.

You should stop writing checks for a while

and give them a chance to catch up.

Where is everybody?

Oh, the kids are in the kitchen and Terry's up in her room

with Connie. -Connie?

Mhm.

I told I don't want that girl around here all the time.

Honey, lower your voice.

Do you want to make her feel unwelcome?

Whoa, that'd be a tragedy now.

Oh, honey, you shouldn't worry so much about it.

Terry's not going to be affected by Connie's influence.

As a matter of fact, it'll probably

be the other way around.

Connie will become less chichi around Terry.

You'll see.

Since when is it our obligation to raise Connie?

Hasn't she got parents?

Well, I've always said, there's only one.

just head and shoulders above the crowd.

Oh, yes.

Absolutely.

His songs are priceless.

Mm.

So sophisticated.

Yes.

His songs are so smart.

Who's songs are so smart?

Noel Coward.

Who else?

Noel Coward?

Yes, daddy.

Connie brought over a record album of his.

They're just wonderful.

Since when are you a Noel Coward fan?

What happened to Dean Martin and Pat Boone?

Daddy, don't be so gauche.

Gauche.

Gauche.

This is my house, and I'll go as gauche as I want to go.

Now what are you doing with pajamas

in the middle of the day?

Daddy, these are hostess outfits.

Who are you expecting, Charlie Chan?

Where did you get it, Terry?

Oh, Connie was good enough to lend it to me.

Isn't it chic?

Oh, it's chic all right.

Well daddy's always I should dress more like a lady.

I wasn't shooting for one of the Gabor sisters.

Oh, really?

Father's just can't make up their minds.

They're so amusing.

DANNY: Now see here, young lady, I--

Daddy, could we go down to the basement

and-- take me to your leader.

Connie, let's go back to my room.

I think it's getting rather crowded in here.

All right.

I'll show you the new hairdo Armand has created for me.

It's terribly exciting.

Really?

He's going to push the whole thing over to one side,

put a white streak down the middle and call it windswept.

Held together with a white streak and call it windswept.

They ought to call it Highway 66.

That girl burns me up.

Oh, honey, don't be so--

Look, I've had it up to here with her.

I'm going up and telling Terry-- -Danny!

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Now listen, just relax.

Rusty, dear, would you mind--

I know.

Milk and cookies.

That's right.

Daddy and I want to talk a minute.

You know, if I keep getting in the way

I'm gonna be fat before my time.

Now, Danny--

Go ahead, go ahead.

Explain to me why I shouldn't go up there and ball

the daylights out of Terry.

But do it fast cause I want to go up there

and ball the daylights out of her.

Now what are you going to accomplish by rushing in there

like a bull in a Chinese shop?

You know how you are.

No, no. You tell me.

How am I?

Well, you're the undisputed champion

in flying off the handle.

Well, this time I've got a right.

For heaven's sakes, last week I had

a normal 16-year-old daughter in our house.

All of a sudden, we've got a monster.

I'm saying we've got to nip this thing in the bud.

I'm afraid it's too late.

It's already in full bloom.

Terry's planning to spend a weekend at Connie's.

A weekend at Connie's?

Mhm.

Over my limp frame.

You mustn't forget that they've become

more than casual acquaintances.

They're the best friends now, and you've

got to be diplomatic.

No hysteria.

I'm going to get rid of that Connie girl,

and one will get you 20.

And after I'm through talking to Terry,

she will not want to spend the weekend at her house.

Terry?

TERRY: Yes, daddy?

Uh, sweetheart, would you come down a minute, please?

You know, there's a saying.

You catch more flies with honey.

I'm gonna hit her with the whole comb.

Love, uh, Kathy tells me that you're planning to spend

the weekend at Connie's?

Well yes.

Isn't that all right?

Sweetheart, anything you do is all right with me, but-- look,

I'm away a lot-- you know that-- traveling around the country.

And when I'm away, honestly I miss you guys something awful.

When I get a chance to spend a couple

weeks at home with my loved ones, I want them near me.

So I'd appreciate it a lot, dear,

if you'd stay home with daddy, huh?

All right.

All right?

You don't mind?

Of course not.

Anything you say.

I love you.

Connie!

Connie?

I've got wonderful news.

We don't have to spend the weekend at your house.

Daddy wants us to spend it here.

How lovely.

All right, you guys.

Finish your drinks, will you, so we get right down to business,

huh?

Would you like a drink?

Oh, just a fruit punch, please.

I'll have the same.

Same.

Did you get a load of that?

It's wild.

Wild, man.

Wild.

Don't.

Don't, don't.

What is it with you two?

Did you dig the chicks?

What chicks?

Your bachelor's killing me.

No kidding.

Come on, let's pay attention to business, huh?

Well what's the matter?

Can't you appreciate a pretty girl?

I'm a married man.

Marriage is a union, not a burial.

Aren't men silly?

Did you see those two over-aged idiots ogling us?

Yes.

Isn't it awful?

My goodness, they're old enough to be our fathers.

What's the matter?

One of them is.

What?

The one with his back to me.

We've got to get out of here.

Quick, before he sees me.

He'll be furious.

I know he will.

Two fruit punches.

May I have your luncheon order?

I'll take the Lobster Newburg.

I'll have the same.

Thank you.

Will you please pay attention?

I'm paying attention, I'm--

I mean over here.

Danny, I think the one on this side digs you.

I'm not interested in the girls, all right?

Isn't that a terrible thing, being an old, married man?

Pitiful, pitiful.

Look, we came here to talk business.

I wouldn't care if it was Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn

Monroe sitting there.

I wouldn't care who was--

Chicks!

What are you doing here?

We're having lunch.

What are you, on a liquid diet?

It's just fruit punch.

Get your ankles under the table this instant, young lady.

You're not gonna introduce us, huh?

introduce you.

Don't be ridiculous.

Waiter, four martinis, please.

What, four?

Wait a minute, you guys.

That's my daughter.

Who's this one?

You're grandmother?

Boy, you got to watch these married men.

Sneaky, sneaky.

Come on, get out of here.

But daddy, we haven't eaten yet.

I don't care if you starve to death.

Get out of here.

But, daddy--

Out!

Ah!

Yes.

Yes, she's here, Mr. Coleman.

No, not at all.

Come right up.

It's apartment 781.

Fine.

All right, where are they?

Who?

The Florodora girls, that's who.

Oh, honey.

Oh, you should have seen what happened today.

They told me.

They're upstairs.

Darling, will you please calm down?

Calm down?

Clancy, you had to see this to believe it.

There they sat with cocktails in front of them.

Fruit punch, dear.

All right, fruit punch.

But the way they were dressed.

My daughter's sitting there for men to gawk at

and to refer to her as a chick.

And where did they get these clothes?

Connie lent them to her.

Connie. Connie.

Well I got to get rid of her right now.

Honey, that won't be necessary.

What do you mean it won't be necessary?

Well her folks on the way up here now.

Why don't you let them handle it?

Oh, you mean she actually has parents?

Yes.

They didn't know where she was.

What?

The maid just told them she was here.

They didn't know where she was?

No.

Oh, those poor people.

Well that girl is bad, honey.

Bad.

Gee, I feel sorry for her parents.

Mr. Williams?

-Yes? -Uh, Coleman.

Yes, yes.

Come in, come in.

This is Mrs. Williams.

How do you do?

KATHY: How do you do?

Sit down, sit down.

Thank you, but we can't stay very long.

Uh, Connie's upstairs packing.

She'll be right down.

Oh.

Monsieur.

Kind of relieved to find where your daughter is, huh?

Well, we were a little curious.

A little curious?

Oh, yes.

You see, we've been away.

We just returned from the springs this morning.

Palm Springs, you know?

It's so lovely there this time of year.

Oh, yes.

But it's always good to get home again, isn't it?

Well we did have to get home to pack a little.

You see, we're leaving for Bermuda in an hour.

Oh?

Connie didn't tell she was going to Bermuda.

Oh she's not going, dear.

She has her school, you know?

And she's really very happy here.

She's well taken care of. -Yes.

You see there's our man, Arthur, and then there's

the housekeeper, Mrs. Brown.

Yes, and she has her own checking account

and she can charge everywhere.

She has everything.

Oh, there you are, darling.

Oh, mother.

Oh, darling, don't smudge mommy's makeup.

I'm wearing it on the plane.

Hello, dad.

Connie, dear.

Well, I didn't expect to see you back from Palm Springs

so soon.

Well, we didn't expect it either,

but we had this sudden mad idea to join

Puff and Bunny in Bermuda.

Bermuda?

Yes, we're leaving in an hour.

So you'd better go home, dear.

You don't want to keep Mrs. Brown waiting.

Oh.

Yes.

Well I-- I want to thank you mister

and misses Williams, even though I can't finish

out the weekend with you.

I've had a wonderful time.

The most wonderful time in my whole life.

Well I'm happy you enjoyed it, Connie.

I'm sorry if I was a bit gruff with you today.

Oh, I didn't mind.

It showed that-- well, that you cared.

You'll never know what it's meant to me to be

able to be part of a family.

Well dear, I don't know what you're talking about.

We're a family.

Oh, I know that, mother, but-- well, it's different here.

They talk to each other.

Sometimes they play games and they sing songs together.

Oh, can't you see mother?

To them, a home is where you go to have fun.

Not a place you have to leave to have it.

Dear, aren't you being just a little dramatic?

Not only dramatic, but impolite.

I quite agree.

This is no place to discuss personal matters.

DANNY: Well that's not quite what I meant, Mr. Coleman.

I mean a girl who promises her friend that she'll spend

the weekend with her, then walks out

before the weekend's half over.

I-- I think it's impolite.

But I thought you didn't want me to stay.

What I meant is--

Of course he does.

We all do.

Would you please stay, Connie?

May I, mother?

Well if you'd rather, I suppose it's all right.

I see no harm in it.

Thanks a lot.

Well, take her bag up to the room, huh?

OK.

Now if you're going to stay, young lady,

get out of those ridiculous clothes right now.

And out of those high heels.

And for heaven sakes, wash your face.

Scrub it good with soap and water.

And if you can't get that silly makeup off,

why I got some sandpaper that might do the job.

Now come on, get.

Now look here, Williams, you can't

talk to my daughter that way.

Oh yes he can.

Well, I guess you can talk to her that way.

Sometimes I just don't understand that girl.

I didn't understand her either until just now.

What do you mean by that?

Well frankly, Coleman, I didn't like your daughter.

Didn't like her at all.

I thought she was trying so hard to be chichi, sophisticated.

But I realize now why.

He was trying to be grown up so she could

find a place in your lives.

Whatever in the world are you talking about?

Look Mrs. Coleman, I have the unhappy

faculty of sticking my nose into other people's business.

But since nature intended me for the job--

after all she gave me quite a hunk of equipment

here-- I'm just going to have to go along and be what

I am and do as I have to do.

As I see it, you people-- you globe trotters--

haven't had much time to provide a home for your daughter.

Why, that's ridiculous.

We've given Connie everything.

We've provided her with a beautiful home.

You've provided her with a beautiful house, Mr. Coleman.

Not a home.

A home is only a home when the parents are in it.

You people underestimate yourselves.

You don't know how important you are to your daughter.

Well, she's important to us, too.

I'm sure she is.

Let me give you some advice.

It takes a lot more than food and shelter

to provide for a child, especially a girl.

You better stay home and get to know your girl.

Give her a chance to know you.

It's still not too late.

End of sermon.

Howard--

Harriet, I don't think that Puff

and Bunny would find Bermuda too unbearable without us.

Do you?

Well they always find everything unbearable anyway.

Mrs. Williams, I wonder, would you

let Terry come and spend next weekend with-- with us

at our place?

Well--

Well, as Mr. Coleman says, I see no harm in it.

I think it's a wonderful idea.

I, uh-- I don't know quite how we're going to go about it,

but we'll try it-- being a family.

Well why don't you start by fixing a home cooked meal?

That's an inspiration!

And I'll prepare the whole meal all by myself.

I'll make roast beef.

Yes, that's what I'll do.

I'll ask cook to show me how to light the oven.

You do make roast beef in an oven, don't you?

Yes, you do.

Oh, that's good.

Well, thank you so much for your help, and we'll see you again.

Now, darling, we've got to Bonwit's before it closes.

I have to buy an apron.

I want one with little sequins all around the bottom

and a big puff up in the back.

You know something, Mr. Williams?

You're quite a guy.

And your guy is quite hungry.

Come on, I'll show you how to light the oven.

Goodbye, dad.

Bye, Mr. Williams.

All right, sweetie.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

How impolite can you be?

At least say hello to your friends.

Boys, you remember the girls.

Well I hope not.

You don't remember the other day in a restaurant

in the Saint Moritz?

The two chicks?

That's--

That's them.

Take a look at them in their native hen house.

BOTH: Well!