Original subtitles

DANNY: Hi, beautiful.

I didn't think I'd make it.

Mwah.

Hi, honey.

Hey, you buy all those things your girlfriend's shower?

Oh, of course not.

Hi, Phil.

Hi, Kathy.

Is Rusty home?

Oh, yeah.

He's home.

He's, a, doing a short stretch in solitary.

We had a little disagreement, so I sent

him to his room to cool off.

Oh, well, I bought him some shirts.

I want to see if they fit.

Honey, he's being punished.

Do you have to try him on him now?

Oh, well, isn't the prisoner allowed any visitors?

OK, if you put it that way.

Don't fall for any of his sob stuff

now and try to defend him.

Darling, I want to be his mother, not his lawyer.

Halt. Don't you want to check the package,

see if she's got any hacksaw blades?

According to your father, you two had a little disagreement

and he sent you to your room to cool off.

It's always the same thing.

Go to your room to cool of.

If he wants me to cool off, why can't he send

me to an air conditioned movie?

Come on.

Try these on.

There.

Suppose you tell me all about it.

Well, do you think I should take Linda every place I go?

Why, no.

Well, don't say that in front of Daddy,

or you'll get sent to your room.

Is that why you're being punished?

Well, whenever I want to go out and play,

Linda has to go with me.

Wherever I go, Daddy says, take Linda with you.

Here I am, stuck with the girl and I'm still a bachelor.

That really doesn't seem fair.

After all, Linda is not your responsibility.

She's got to learn to make your own friends.

Daddy says, family should stick together.

That's true.

But just because you don't want to take Linda everywhere

you go doesn't mean you don't love her.

Members of a family have a right to have their own interests.

I'll just have a little talk with your father.

Talk won't do any good.

Well, I'll think of something to say.

I tell you, talk won't do any good.

I know.

I've lived with that man for 10 years.

Well, if talk won't do any good,

I'll find a way to show him that he's wrong.

Don't worry, honey.

I'll think of something.

All right, Harvey.

We'll make it in Joe's apartment like eight

o'clock tonight, huh?

I don't know-- five, six players.

No. No.

Thanks a lot.

Don't ask Jerry.

Jerry? Oh, no.

Let's ask Jerry.

No.

World's worst poker player.

Nah, Jerry plays like a woman.

You know those games that spit in the ocean, one-eyed Jack's

wild, jump over the moon.

Nah.

No, we just want to play straight poker.

Yeah.

All right. See you tonight.

Bye.

Oh, that's all we need, Jerry.

I think the one time, everything was

wild but the four of hearts.

Danny, I Think you're being very unreasonable with Rusty.

Boys his age don't want to drag their little sisters everywhere

they go.

Oh.

You don't want to be his mother.

You want to be his lawyer, I see.

You're being unfair.

Unfair?

Is it unfair for the boy to take his sister with him

when he goes out to play?

Look, he's got to learn that he has an obligation to others.

Look, honey, doing things together makes

for a happy, close family.

Clancey, honey, I know I'm right about this.

A family should operate like a team,

do things together, play together, work together.

That's the way I want my family to be.

Phil, what do you think about this?

What do I think?

Yeah, what do you think?

I, ah, think I'd better get out of here.

I'll see you at the poker game. -Fine.

Poker game?

Yeah, poker game.

Oh, poker game.

Oh, are, uh, we playing poker tonight?

We?

Yes, we.

No, honey, not we.

Uh, uh, Phil and the boys and me, we're playing.

I hope you don't mind.

Oh, of course I don't mind.

You know, I've got to get used to living with an entertainer.

I never know when you're kidding or not.

Kidding?

Well, yes.

That big sermon you just gave about

families doing things together-- I thought you were serious.

I, I, I am serious.

Oh.

Well, then just the children are supposed to do things together.

That doesn't apply to you and me?

Yes, it applies to us, honey.

But jeepers, you, you wouldn't want

to go to a man's poker game.

I mean--

Well, not if you don't want me along.

Wait a minute, Clancey.

It isn't that I don't want you along, honey.

I, I'm really thinking of you.

This is a bunch of guys in a little room, smoking cigars.

Yeah-- big, black, smelly ones.

Yeah.

You know, fellas with the sleeves

rolled up and swapping stories.

Big, black, smelly ones.

Anyhow, you, you wouldn't like it now, honey.

-Oh, but I'd love it. -What?

-And I insist on going. -But Kathy--

You do?

Oh, of course.

Like my husband said, family should do things together.

Why, there's nothing wrong with a husband

taking his wife to a poker game.

Gee, I haven't played poker in years.

It ought to be fun.

Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world.

We'll have a ball.

Oh, yes.

We'll have a ball.

Big mouth.

Well, I hope I break even tonight.

I need the money.

Don't tell me I'm going to lose my pigeons to you.

Don't worry about that.

Hey, Phil!

Fellas, I, I'd like to have you know my wife, Kathy.

Honey, this is, uh, well, the boys.

How do you do?

Ah, now, Mrs. Williams.

Don't worry about Danny.

We'll get him home early-- broke but early.

I asked her to play with us.

All right.

I, I think it would add a little touch of class

to our game.

You know, a little feminine charm wouldn't hurt.

Oh, relax, fellas.

Leave your coats on.

Tonight, I'm just one of the boys.

Yeah.

Just call her Charlie.

Well,uh, sit down, Charlie.

Gee, I hope you fellas don't mind my coming along tonight.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, not all.

What are we playing?

Have you, uh, have you played much poker?

Oh, I used to play all the time.

But I, I may have sort of a hard time tonight.

I forgot my list.

Your list?

Yes, of what beats what.

I used to have it all written down.

Well, we'll, we'll let you know when you win.

Won't we, fellas?

Yeah.

Who, who deals?

Like we always do.

Ladies first.

All right.

Well, what do we play?

Oh, five card draw, five card stud?

-Give us a choice. -Go ahead.

Anything. -Well, now, let me see.

Um.

Oh, I know a good one.

Uh, uh, seven card high, low, no peeking,

deuces to split the pot, and you only can hold

the cards in your left hand.

Uh, anything wild?

Oh, no.

That makes the game too silly.

Sweetheart, why don't you just-- one hand

of straight poker, honey, just five card.

Oh, no, honey. I know a better one.

It's called See-Saw Marjorie Daw.

Honey, uh, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's

stick to five card.

All right.

Anything you want to play is fine with me.

Now, I, I deal them all down, don't I?

Yes, yes, down.

See, we haven't been married too long.

We're, we're just getting acquainted.

Does it have to be tonight?

J-j-jacks are better, eh?

That's right.

Fine.

You can stop anytime now.

I think we've got enough.

Well, if are better, I pass.

I'll open for $2.

I'm in.

Not me.

I'll fold.

Well, not me.

I'll stay.

Uh, how much can I raise?

Well, honey, let me see what you got.

Never mind, darling.

You play your own cards.

Well, the limit's $2, dear.

I'll, I'll bet $2.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll just call.

I'll call.

Uh.

One card, please.

One card.

-I'll take one. -One.

Thank you.

I'll take four.

Four?

You, you take four, honey.

You raised.

Well, isn't four aces considered a good hand?

Yeah, it's a very good hand.

Well, honey, I already have one.

And I have four chances to get three more.

Well, darn, I missed.

You'd think when I drew four cards,

I'd at least get one more ace.

Well, in that case, I'll bet $2.

I'll see you.

Mm, gee.

I don't know what to do.

Honey, just throw 'em in.

No.

Sweetheart, throw 'em in. They drew one card each.

You drew four.

You certainly can't call.

-I can't call? -Certainly not.

Then I'll raise.

Well, I ought to raise, but I'll just call.

All right.

I'm in.

I got two pair.

I got two pair.

I got two pair, too.

Eights over threes.

Kings over fives.

And nines over nines.

That nines over nines are four nines, dear.

How do like that?

That's pretty lucky.

Holds an ace and draws four nines.

Thought you said you held am ace.

That's a three.

Oh, I was bluffing.

Oh, I'll take three.

Three cards.

How many for you, Charlie?

Two, please.

Two cards.

One fat spade.

Uh-oh.

Making a flush, huh.

Well, tell me quick.

Did you fill it?

Take my last two chips for you to find out.

Got to keep you honest.

Well, it's up to you, Riverboat Ruby.

I don't know.

Gee, I wish I didn't forget my list.

Is, um, three of a kind and two of another kind,

is that what you call a full house?

Mhm.

And does that beat a flush?

Yes.

Yes, uh, a full house beats a flush.

Oh.

Oh, now I know.

Also, it beats two pair.

Oh, well, I know what to do now.

I'll, uh, bet the limit.

Honey, you don't have to bet, dear.

You win the pot.

Take it.

Without anybody seeing my bet?

They threw their cards in.

Yes.

Your full house beat my flush.

Your full house beat my two pair.

What full house?

I have a pair of sevens.

If you've got a pair of sevens, how come you asked,

does a full house beat a flush?

Well, darling, how am I going to learn

if I don't ask questions?

I hate to break up the game, but I've got to get

up early in the morning, so--

Well, we better be getting home, too.

I'm sorry I ever left.

I gotta get home, too.

You quitting so soon?

Well, honey, you practically cleaned out the whole game.

Oh, well, Phil still had some chips.

Be my guest.

Thank you.

Gee, fellas, I had a wonderful time tonight.

I hope you didn't mind my tagging along with Danny.

No.

No.

But the next time we play, you've got to promise

me that you won't let me win.

Just count up the chips, huh?

Well, boys, uh, next week, huh?

Say, where's the game going to be?

At the YMCA.

Hey. Where you going?

Oh, out to play ball with the guys.

OK.

So where's your sister?

In her room.

She doesn't want to go.

LINDA: I did so!

Unlock the door.

You locked your sister in?

Well, we're having a game.

And it's just supposed to be the guys.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Now, we went all through this yesterday.

Now stop complaining.

You'd complain too if you had a little sister

you had to drag every place.

I would not.

You didn't hear me complain because I

had to drag your mother to the card game last night.

You had to drag me?

Well, I didn't mean I had to drag you.

I wanted to drag you.

I mean, oh, just take Linda with you.

And let's not argue about it, huh?

OK.

But it's your fault if I grow up to be a woman hater.

Come on.

Why can't you be more like my older sister?

She can't stand me.

You had to drag me?

Oh, I didn't mean it that way, honey.

Well, honey, if you didn't want me to go to the poker game,

why didn't you say so?

Not that I didn't want you to go,

just that I didn't think you'd enjoy it, that's all.

You certainly couldn't have enjoyed it with a bunch of men.

Now, tell the truth.

You didn't have a good time, did you?

I had a wonderful time.

You did?

Oh, honey.

I just love your idea of togetherness.

It's the way a family should be.

Honey, look at the time.

We're going to be late for the baby shower.

Come on.

Wait a minute.

What baby shower?

Beverly's baby shower.

What about it?

Oh, well, darling, we still have to wrap the gift.

And I have to change my clothes and fix my hair, so come on.

We'll be late.

What do mean, what do you mean, what

do you mean, we'll be late?

Oh, naturally, darling, I'm taking

you to the baby shower with me.

You're what?

Oh, well, honey.

Last night, you took me to the poker game.

This is the least I can do in return.

You don't have to pay me back.

It's all right.

Oh, honey.

You know, I admit before last night,

I would have been selfish.

I would have gone off to the baby shower

just thinking of my own fun and not even considering you.

Yeah, but Kathy.

But you taught me the true meaning of a family

doing things together.

Yeah, but Kathy, wait a minute.

Why, that's the whole idea of marriage, isn't it?

Yeah, but.

Togetherness.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, come on, honey.

Wait a minute, Kathy.

There'll be a bunch of women there.

I'd be out of place.

Oh, darling.

You proved to me what nonsense that is.

Last night, I was one of the boys.

This afternoon, you can be one of the girls.

About time you showed up.

Where were you?

I came as soon as I got your message.

What's the emergency? -Get me out of town.

Get me a booking out of town.

I don't care where, just get me out of town.

Get me out of this house.

Well, look, I don't get it.

The Chez Paris is booked up.

The Sands has got an act.

The Copa is full.

Where am I going to put ya?

I don't care.

Put me in Sam's Delicatessen as long as it's out of town.

I gotta get out of this house.

A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't

get you to leave the house.

Now you've got to get out of town.

What's the bit?

Togetherness.

Togetherness.

I got it up to here.

You don't know.

Everywhere I go, Kathy goes.

Not only that, she takes me wherever she goes.

In the past 10 days, I have been to five baby showers.

I have been to two wedding showers.

I have been to one fashion show.

You don't know where I was yesterday all afternoon.

Where?

At a meeting of the Junior League.

They made me a member.

I don't get it.

The Junior League is exclusively for women.

I know.

They made me an honorary woman.

Oh, brother.

I mean, oh, sister.

Go ahead.

Enjoy my misery.

Go on.

Enjoy my misery.

You don't know where I was this morning.

Where?

For Two hours, in a beauty parlor.

Well, you look 10 years younger.

I was just keeping Kathy company, and you know it.

How come your hair is so much wavier?

Because I had to do something to kill time, and shut up!

All right.

Where's Kathy now?

She went marketing.

I'll tell you what we do.

Let's get out of this house, come on down to Friars.

We'll shoot a couple games of pool.

We'll talk the whole thing over. -Great idea.

Great idea.

-Oh, hi. -Hi, baby.

-Where you going? -Going?

Uh-huh.

What makes you think we're going anywhere?

Look, Kathy, uh, we just figured we'd just go down

to Friars and shoot some pool.

Oh, shoot some pool?

Yeah, I hope you don't mind.

Oh, of course not, darling.

Just let me put these groceries away,

and I'll be right with you.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, honey.

I don't think you heard us right.

I said we're going down to the Friars Club.

Yeah, to shoot pool.

Oh, fun!

I've always wanted to learn how to play pool.

Hold the phone.

Hold the phone.

Look, Kathy.

Uh, Phil, would you excuse us?

There's something I gotta straighten

my wife out about, I mean.

Yeah, I'll be glad to.

I'll wait for you in the kitchen.

Oh, uh, Phil, would you take these groceries, please?

Yeah, sure. I'll bake a cake.

K-Kathy, s-sit down, darling.

Oh, is the wr-- the matter, darling?

N, n, n, no, no.

Nothing's the matter, dear.

Look, sweetie, all the time we've been married,

I mean, I've never, ever once pulled rank on you,

I mean like the supremacy of the male animal

or the husband is the boss or the brains, right?

Oh, no, darling never.

And, and I don't want to do that now, dear, excepting,

well, this business of being together all the time, honey,

now, I don't want to hurt your feelings,

but, well, what I mean to say--

What you mean is that there is such a thing

as being together too much?

Well, y-yes, dear, yes.

I mean, I mean, it all, I guess it all

started when I was talking about the family doing things

together.

Oh, I see.

And I, like a typical woman, took you much too literally

and went overboard about everything.

Isn't that right?

Well, th-that's exactly right.

Oh.

Like the reason I took you to the poker game.

You mean that you took me to the poker game

just to prove how out of place I was

there, just as you were out of place at the baby shower?

Th-that's right, dear.

I see, and that's why you insisted

on going to the beauty parlor, and to the dressmaker,

and all those other places?

Yeah, right, right, right.

Oh, darling, I must say I certainly admire

the way you made your point.

You just let me see for myself how wrong I was.

Why, I'm so glad that you explained it all to me,

because now I see that families can be happy even if they don't

go to every place together.

I mean, I don't have to go every place with you.

And you don't have to go every place with me.

And Rusty doesn't have to go every place with Terry.

And Linda doesn't have to go every place with Rusty.

Right?

Right.

Yeah, well, you certainly made your point,

and very cleverly, too.

Go play pool with Phil.

Phil, Danny's waiting for you.

Is she going with us?

No.

No?

How'd you work that?

I don't know.

You know, I'm not going to try to find out.

Because if I do, I don't think I'm going to like it.

Well, no matter how, you outsmarted her.

Peace.

There's an old Lebanese proverb which reads,

a woman who is married to a man who

thinks he's smarter than she is has a fool for a husband.

OK, well, I'll ask Danny what he wants to do,

and I'll call you back. Bye.

Sweetheart.

Yeah?

Liz wants us to go out to dinner

tonight with her boyfriend.

What shall I tell her?

Anything you want, honey.

You're the boss in this family.

Oh, honey.

You're the master of this house.

You make the decisions.

I do?

Of course.

Uh, who's kidding who?

Look, Kathy.

We're both grown up.

And we know who's the smart one in this family.

Oh, darling.

You're the smart one.

Don't I come to you with all my silly little problems?

You're my confidante, my advisor, my man.

You know what you are?

From the title of the song of the same name,

(SINGING) You're my everything.

Oh, Danny.

I love that song.

Sing it for me.

Sit down.

(SINGING) You're my everything underneath the sun.

You're my everything, rolled up into one.

Ooh, Danny boy.

You're getting a little old for that, aren't you?

Never.

(SINGING) You're my only dream, my only real reality.

You're my idea of a perfect personality.

You're my everything, everything I need.

You're the song that I sing and the book I read.

You're way beyond belief, and just to make it brief,

you're my winter, summer, spring.

(SPEAKING) You're the whole shoot and caboodle.

(SINGING) My everything.

Dont' stop on our account.

Hey.

Hey.

Look, we got a whole new deal here.

We don't have to go everywhere with each other

all the time anymore.

So you can stay home and play with your dollies.

And you go out and play ball with the boys.

It's all right.

She can come along.

What brought on this change of heart?

Well, when I was stuck with Linda, the news got around

and all the other boys had to bring their little sisters.

Oh, I bet they love me for that.

Oh, it's all right.

Everything worked out fine.

The girls have their own team now.

Yeah, I'm the short stop because I'm the shortest.

Who, who, who do you play against?

The boys.

The boys?

You mean you play against the girls?

Sure.

We like playing against them.

They're the only team we can beat.