Original subtitles

-Hello, Oscar. -Why, Mr. Williams.

How are you?

Fine, thanks.

Good to see you.

Nice to see you.

What's the special for today?

What's our special every Wednesday?

Corned beef and cabbage. -Oh, fine.

I'll have it.

Good.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

This is not Wednesday.

It's Thursday.

Thursday?

No, it can't be.

Of course it is.

Then what happened to Wednesday?

We had it all day yesterday.

Look, Mr. Williams, it can't be.

If today is Thursday, then our special is Hungarian meatballs

with noodles.

Here you are.

Today's special, Hungarian meatballs with noodles.

Well, there goes Wednesday.

And there goes my corned beef and cabbage.

I'm sorry, Mr. Williams.

Look, I'm so happy, I don't know if I'm coming or going.

You have to excuse me.

You want the meatballs?

I'll order later.

My wife's gonna join if she finishes shopping on time.

But, uh, what's with you?

Well, what is it?

Well--

Well, come on.

What are you so happy about?

I finally did it.

What did you do?

I'm getting married Sunday.

No.

Yeah.

Well, congratulations, Oscar.

Thank you.

That's wonderful.

Who's the lucky girl?

Estelle Meyerson, her name is.

She's a widow with two children. -Ah.

But two angels, they are.

I could eat 'em up.

What fun we're gonna have with the kids on the honeymoon.

You're going to take the kids with you on your honeymoon?

Sure.

Why not?

Oscar, that is the most horrible thing

you could ever do.

That's no way to start out your marriage.

Believe me, do not take the kids with you on the honeymoon.

A marriage is a time when you-- when you learn

to know your new life's mate.

Your new partner.

The kids you can get to know later.

Don't take 'em with you on the honeymoon.

Do you think the kids could spoil the honeymoon?

Do I think the kids could spoil it?

Oscar, let me tell you a sad story about my honeymoon.

Sit down.

Mr. Williams, it's against the rules.

Well, break the rules.

Better to break the rules than ruin your whole life.

Now, listen to this.

Yeah?

On my honeymoon, we went to Las Vegas, Nevada.

To the beautiful, wonderful Sands Hotel.

A more perfect honeymoon spot there couldn't be.

My wife, and our three children.

We spent the first day showing the kids the Hoover Dam.

All day.

That night we finally got back to the Sands Hotel,

we fed the kids, we tucked them in bed,

and then we got dressed to go out on the town.

We took in the all the night spots.

We were out all night long, and we had a wonderful time.

So what's so sad about that story?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I'm coming to the sad part.

Now, we get back to the Sands Hotel, and it's like, dawn.

Almost 7:00 in the morning.

We've been out all night.

And here we are, the honeymooners.

The two lovebirds, on our way back to our love nest.

Mrs. Williams--

Yes, Mr. Williams?

You know, this is the first time we've been

alone since we've been married?

Yes, I know.

Let's keep it that way for a while, shall we?

Unless you're sure you don't want

to go to another night club?

Shh.

Let's try not to wake up the kids.

We'll have a few hours to ourselves before they get up.

Come on.

Danny, what are you doing?

Come on.

This is the threshold bit.

We're supposed to do that on our wedding night.

How could I carry you up an airplane ramp?

They'd think I was trying to sneak you on for half fare.

I think this is a trick to find out how much I weigh.

You weigh just right.

You know something?

This is the first time since we've been married

that I feel like a bridegroom.

And I feel like a bride.

Now open that door, quietly.

Don't wake up the ki--

What's the matter, Mommy?

Did you hurt yourself?

Linda, what are you doing up?

What happened, Mommy?

Nothing happened. Now be quiet.

You're gonna wake up Gary and Rusty.

Who's asleep?

Oh, great.

What's the matter with Kathy?

Oh, nothing's the matter with her.

Daddy's carrying her over the threshold.

Why doesn't he let the bellboy do it?

Heavy, isn't she?

No, she isn't heavy.

Then why is your face so red?

My face isn't red.

And what are you kids doing up at this hour?

We got up early cause you're going to take us fishing.

And the Hoover Dam.

And to ride the horses.

Just a minute, now.

Just a minute.

You promised.

You did promise, Danny.

Come on, let's go eat breakfast while Daddy

and Kathy change their clothes. -OK.

Hurry up, would you, Daddy?

Yeah, I'll be ready in about 24 hours.

Aw, come on.

We don't want to waste a minute of our honeymoon.

It's not your honeymoon, it's my honeymoon.

How do you like that?

Our honeymoon.

Well, Danny, it is theirs, too.

Now just a minute.

That's where I draw the line.

This is our honeymoon, yours and mine.

I know, dear, but this is sort of a period of adjustment.

They have to get more or less acquainted

with their new mother and their new father.

Well, do they have to get acquainted with us now?

I mean, can't we become buddies when we get back home?

What's the difference what I told 'em?

I mean, this is no time to start pampering kids.

Jeepers, we've got our own life to live, you know?

Yes, we have, Danny.

Would you unzip me, honey?

I mean, I mean, my mother and father didn't jump

every time I wanted something.

Why should we?

Shucks.

Kids are unreasonable, anyhow.

Grow up thinking the world is their oyster.

They want something, all they gotta do is snap their finger.

Well, it's wrong.

I'm not gonna let my kids grow up to be

a bunch of finger snappers.

KATHY: I'm with you.

Look, honey, I don't like to disappointment 'em, I mean,

but life is full of disappointments.

As their father, I-- I should teach 'em this.

Right now I'm just too tired to go

fishing and horseback riding.

I know exactly how you feel, dear.

Hey, this is our honeymoon.

You don't have to worry about the kids.

After all, they should show us some consideration.

We're the new husband and wife.

They're just the old children.

I mean, we ought to have an understanding right now, honey.

I'm the head of this family.

The kids live with me, I don't live with them.

Yes, dear.

Now hurry and go change your clothes.

I'll tell the children you'll be there in a minute.

That was fun, wasn't it, Daddy?

Yeah.

Come on, Rusty.

Rusty, where's Daddy?

I thought he was behind you.

Well, you were behind me.

I thought he was behind you.

No, I was behind Kathy, and Kathy was behind you.

Well, who was behind Daddy?

Nobody.

He was behind all of us.

That's because he had to take care of Linda.

After all, she's just a little girl.

Yeah.

Oh, here they come.

Daddy?

We'd like to try the other side.

This side is fine.

And sit down.

What do you wanna do, tip the boat over?

We've been here an hour, and we haven't even had a nibble.

I don't think the fishes are hungry.

I bet they're father out in the lake, Daddy.

Farther out?

What if a storm comes up?

The motor fails?

Then where would we be?

Now stop complaining.

I'm getting hungry.

And I'm sleepy.

Besides, I think we oughta start heading for store.

It'd be horrible if a storm came up,

and we got caught in this treacherous body of water.

Let's go in.

Don't let me go.

I won't let you go.

Now come on, lay out there.

Backstroke is easy.

Now do it.

That's it.

Drop your ears with your arms.

That's it.

Thanks a lot.

Kick your feet.

Kick your feet.

That's it.

Oh, boy, this is some honeymoon, isn't it, Dad?

Yeah, some honeymoon.

Well, Oscar, you have heard the first two days of my honeymoon

in Las Vegas, Nevada at the Sands Hotel, with the kids

alone.

What do you think?

So far-- so far is enough already.

Wait, sit down.

You haven't heard the worst of it yet.

You mean after dragging them for two days with no sleep

from Hoover Dam to horseback, to fishing, to swimming,

it gets worse?

Worse is an understatement.

Now listen to this.

You would think by now, Oscar, by all that's fair and decent,

that I would be entitled to a little time with my bride

alone, wouldn't you?

Entitled?

Guaranteed, you should be.

That's what I thought.

So, I got the kids fed, we got 'em tucked off to bed,

and I figure now I will be with my bride.

Oscar, I have only one thing to say.

What?

Children who are taken along on honeymoons

have nitwits for parents.

Daddy, can we go see that show tomorrow night, too?

We'll go somewhere else tomorrow night.

Oh, boy, I'm stuffed.

Well, no one forced you to eat that second piece of apple pie.

What you need is a good night's sleep.

What I need is another stomach.

Come on, Linda, we'll go get you undressed.

Thank you, Terry.

Goodnight, Daddy.

Goodnight, son.

Night, Daddy.

Goodnight, honey.

Hello, Mrs. Williams.

Hello, Mr. Williams.

I love you, Mrs. Williams.

Likewise, Mr. Williams.

Danny, where are you going?

I am going downstairs and getting the coldest, oldest

bottle of champagne I can find.

And a box of candy.

And a bottle of perfume.

And the evening paper.

Go.

But hurry back.

OK.

And since we're not going out anywhere tonight,

don't you think you oughta get into something

more comfortable?

And I don't mean blue jeans.

Kathy?

Kathy, I'm awfully worried.

Linda's coughing something terrible.

Hey, beautiful, I'm back.

Shh.

What shh?

I don't want you to wake Linda up.

She had sort of a coughing spell,

and I had a terrible time getting her back to sleep.

Ah.

Oh, what's all this?

Went to buy it for ya.

Flowers, perfume, candy.

What's in this box?

Oh, that's, uh, just a little something I bought for myself.

What is it, a sports shirt?

No, no, it's not a sports shirt, it's, uh-- it's, uh--

well, it-- it's just a--

Why are you getting so shy?

Who's getting shy?

Bought myself a pair of pajamas.

Just an ordinary, plain pair of black silk pajamas,

with a couple of dragons in the front.

Where on Earth did you buy yourself

a pair of pajamas like that?

Getting ready for Chinese New Year.

What's she doing here?

I just put in there till she gets to sleep?

We can take her back now.

Oh, we can?

Well, thanks a lot.

Be careful, or she'll start coughing again.

I don't want her to wake up.

Don't worry, neither do I.

-Did she wake up? -No.

She'll be OK for the rest of the night.

That's good.

I can't believe it.

What?

We're all alone.

It does seem rather strange, doesn't it?

Yeah.

A little music for the occasion?

Phew.

Maybe you'd better turn the music down?

I'll turn it down a little.

To Kathy.

She walks in beauty, like the night.

Of cloudless climbs and starry skies,

and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect,

and her eyes.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I know.

Back into our room again.

I'm sure it won't take long this time.

She can't stay awake all night.

Neither can I. (SINGING) And goodnight.

Your daddy's delight.

Bright angels are near.

So sleep with--

I think we can move her back to her own room now.

OK.

Lullabye, and goodnight.

She woke up.

I don't feel good.

I know you don't, sweetheart.

There.

Now--

My throat's all itchy, and I can't scratch it.

Well darling, if you just trying to sleep, why, it will

be all better in the morning.

Can't I sleep in your bed, Mommy?

Not tonight, darling.

You always let me sleep with you when I'm sick.

But you're not that sick, darling.

I feel pretty sick.

I'm beginning to feel pretty sick, myself.

You know what?

We'll let you sleep right here on this couch tonight.

How would you like that?

Will you leave the light on?

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll leave all the lights on.

And Mommy and I will be in the next room,

and-- and everything will be fine.

Why don't you sleep on the couch,

and let me sleep in the next room with Mommy?

No that's-- that's not a good idea.

Why don't you get the blankets honey?

All right.

Why can't I sleep with Mommy?

Ohm now Linda, only little babies

have to sleep with their mommies.

You're not a little baby.

Neither are you.

Well, she's not my mommy.

This is going to be one of the nicest beds you ever have.

Oh, you bet.

Now, you'll be nice and warm here.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, baby.

Remember, you're a big girl.

Go to sleep. Close your eyes.

Close 'em fast.

Sleep fast, huh?

Goodnight.

She's going to be OK out there.

Of course she is.

It's just a little cough.

Sure.

I mean, we don't have to pamper our kids.

We've got ourselves to think about.

Don't have to jump up every time they sneeze or cough.

No reason at all why she shouldn't be comfortable

out there, on the couch.

No reason at all.

LINDA: Mommy!

Jeez.

Oh, Danny, she can't help it.

She's just a little baby, and she feels insecure.

Insecure my foot.

She's doing this on purpose.

Now, it's high time she found out

who's the boss in this family. -Danny.

Honey, we've got our own life to live,

and it's about time we started living it.

Now, she's going to sleep where I tell her to,

and no more talking about it!

Dear.

What?

Don't be too hard on her.

Now see here, Linda.

Daddy?

What?

I'm sorry I'm so much trouble, Daddy.

Well--

I'm glad you married Mommy.

Now I have a daddy to take care of me, too.

See you in the morning.

Well, Oscar, now are you convinced

you shouldn't take the kids with on your honeymoon?

I'll tell her.

I don't care what she says.

I'm just not taking 'em.

That's all.

That a boy.

Believe me, if I didn't realize the seriousness,

I'd never, never butt in.

Oh, that's all right.

Don't take those kids on that honeymoon.

Sweetheart, you made it.

I rushed through my shopping.

It isn't every day I get to have lunch with a celebrity.

Hey, kid, guess what?

Hello, Oscar.

Hello.

He's gettin' married.

-Oh, Oscar, that's wonderful. -It's Sunday.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

And honey, he's marrying a widow with two kids.

And I was just telling him about how when we went

on our honeymoon, remember?

And we took the kids along?

Oh, yes.

And you're going to take your kids along, too?

Oh, that's wonderful.

Well--

You know, I got to know Danny better in a few days

than I could have in months, just

because we took the kids along.

Yeah,0 well, honey, I--

And he was everything I hoped he'd be.

Sweet, patient, considerate.

I really got t to know the man I married.

Well, Oscar, be sure and take the kids along.

It's the only way to start a marriage, you know?