Original subtitles

Danny, aren't you going to get dressed?

I am dressed.

Well, I thought as long as you were meeting my father, that

you'd wear something-- well--

What do you want me to do, wear a tuxedo?

No, but you've got a closet full of suits,

and it's important to look right.

People judge you the way you dress.

Honey, this is the right way to dress, meeting

your father for the first time.

He'll come into our home, he'll realize we haven't

made a big fuss over him.

He'll be relaxed.

He'll make himself at home.

Well, I suppose you're right.

I know I'm right.

As a matter of fact, I'll never forget the time I was wrong.

Don't worry about it.

We're going to get along just fine.

I know you are.

You're going to get along just fine.

You're a wonderful husband.

I'm proud of you, and I don't care what my father says.

-What did he say? -Oh, nothing.

Nothing. -How could he say anything?

He hasn't even met me.

Well, I-- I know, dear, but I just

want you to know that if he said something, I-- I don't care.

But darling, please, don't lose your temper,

or get upset by anything--

Why should I want to lose my temper, or get upset?

-Oh, there he is!

There he is!

All right.

What's the matter, honey?

What, is he a man from Mars, or something?

What's wrong?

Remember, Danny, please be diplomatic.

I'll be--

Give him plenty of time to warm up.

All right.

OK.

Hiya, sweetheart.

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Yeah, and it's good to see you.

Turn around, here, let me look at you.

I missed you.

Yes, and I missed you, too.

How are you, Dad?

Oh, great.

Great.

Hi, Grandpa.

Oh, Dad, this is your new grandson, Rusty.

He's a fine looking boy.

How are ya, son?

And who is this?

Dad, this is my husband, Danny.

Your new son-in-law

Hm.

What's he doing, wearing his pajamas

in the middle of the day?

It's not pajamas, it's, uh-- it's a sport outfit.

What sport do you go in for?

No, I don't--

It's a nice looking shack ya got here.

Take your coat off, loosen your tie.

Make yourself comfortable.

Yeah, I'm comfortable just the way I am.

Uh, where's my granddaughter?

Oh, well she hasn't awakened from her nap yet.

Well, wake her up.

I drove all the way down here from Albany just to see her.

Well, and to meet your new son in law.

Oh, yeah.

Where will I put my suit coat?

Oh, I'll take care of that for you.

I'll put those away.

I'll help you, Daddy.

All right.

Now, be careful with that.

That's my prized trout rod. -OK.

Yeah, put it in the closet there,

where it'll be safe, Rus.

OK, Daddy.

I'll put it in the back bedroom.

Well, Dad, how do you like him?

There's a lot of man there.

Well, around the nose I'll agree with ya.

He sure as a big bugle.

Now Dad, you stop that.

I think he has a beautiful nose, and I don't

want you making fun of it.

All right, all right.

Not all right, all right.

Promise.

Oh, all right.

I promise.

Come on, now, tell me the truth.

What do you really think of him?

Why didn't you married Kevin Maguire?

Kevin Maguire?

The only reason you like him is because you

knew I wouldn't marry him.

Oh, is that so?

Oh, yes.

You scared the daylights out of every boy I ever dated.

If I hadn't eloped with Tom O'Hara,

you'd probably have chased him away, too.

Oh, now wait a minute.

No, you wait a minute.

I want you to understand that I love Danny, and he loves me.

Well, he'd better love you, or I'll

break every bone in his body.

And you'd better like him, or--

Now, take it easy.

Take it easy.

I can't understand ya.

You've got your mother's Irish temper, and my good looks.

Any temper I got wasn't from my mother.

Now listen, Dad, since you weren't here for the wedding--

Wasn't here for the wedding?

Why did ya get married when I was up in Canada

on the construction job?

Well, you didn't want us to wait.

You were gone for a month.

Got ya all moved in.

Here you are.

That's for you.

What is it?

Well, I got ya a little present.

How come you bought me a present?

No special reason.

I just thought I'd get you something.

What are you trying to do, butter me up for a loan?

Now Dad, stop asking silly questions and open it.

I didn't know what your brand was,

so I got you a bottle of my favorite.

I never drink that cheap liquor.

It's not booze, it's cologne.

And what makes you think I need cologne?

Nothing personal.

I wasn't meaning to imply that you need cologne, or anything.

Is this stuff any good?

If my dad bought it, it's gotta be good.

Well, at least it'll keep the mosquitoes away.

Dad, I think it was very nice of Danny to buy you a gift.

Yes, I suppose you're right.

I shouldn't look a gift horse in the nose.

Dad.

What about Linda?

When do I get to see her?

Well, she should be awake by now.

Why don't you go upstairs and surprise her?

That's a good idea.

Through there, and the first door on the left.

Yeah.

Well, I'd say everything is going along just fine,

wouldn't you?

Just fine.

Yes.

It certainly is just fine.

Yeah.

Of course, he's kind of tired after the long drive,

but I think you two are going to get along very nicely.

Yeah.

Well, he didn't exactly throw his arms around me,

or anything, but it's like you say,

he's tired from that long ride.

I think he likes me.

Oh, of course he does.

Yeah.

There's so much traffic between here and Albany.

Yeah, that's a long drive, and the guy seems to get irritable.

He likes me.

Oh, sure he does.

After he has an hour or two of rest,

why, you two will be like old pals.

That's right.

That's right.

It's a long drive from Albany.

He likes me, all right.

He's just tired.

Yeah.

It's a long drive.

And lots of traffic.

Plenty irritable.

Daddy?

What?

Why does he hate you?

Now, you lie still, baby.

Give me a pin, sweetheart.

I'll do it.

You don't know how.

Is that so?

I'd like to have a nickel for every one I put on you.

And your mother, too.

Ah, there she is.

And I can get her another bottle.

Oh, no.

You give her another bottle, and we'll have to go all

over this thing again, here.

It's time for her to go to sleep.

She can't go to sleep.

Why not?

You have to read her a story first.

Read her a story?

All right, I'll read her a story, honey.

Come here.

Come on over.

Read this story, huh?

Who killed Cock Robin?

I, said the sparrow, with my bow and arrow.

I killed Cock Robin.

Hm.

The stories they write for kids.

Who saw him die?

I, said the magpie, with my little eye.

I saw him die.

Who tolled the bell?

I, said the bull.

You don't have to read anymore, Grandpa.

She's asleep.

Because I can pull?

I'll toll the bell.

That's enough, Grandpa.

She's asleep.

I know, I know.

But-- I want to find out why the sparrow killed Cock Robin.

Daddy!

Yeah, sweetheart?

Grandpa's reading a story to my baby.

He was reading a story to your baby?

What kind of a story?

A murder mystery.

What else?

I'll put the children to bed, Danny,

while, uh, you two pour some coffee.

That way you can both get better acquainted.

Why don't I put the children to bed, and then you

two could get better acquainted?

Well, we've known each other for a long time.

Come on.

Goodnight, Grandpa.

Goodnight, Daddy.

Goodnight, son.

RUSTY: Goodnight, Grandpa.

Goodnight.

Well, here you are, pop.

Dad?

Sir?

That was a wonderful dinner, wasn't it?

I gotta say that this daughter of yours really can cook.

Yep.

She'll sure make a good wife when the right man comes along.

It got-- it got in the wrong pipe.

Say, it looks like the Cleveland Browns is here.

I mean, they got a real good club.

They're well stacked in every department.

Great line, wonderful backfield.

Good passing.

I think they'll walk off with the eastern division.

Don't you?

They haven't got a chance.

That's what I was saying.

They haven't got a chance.

Hey, uh, did you ever meet that doctor Kathy went with?

Fella named Kevin Maguire?

No, I never did.

Ah, fine young man.

You know, he and Kathy were pretty thick there for a while.

Thought sure she was going to marry him.

I guess, uh, I got there first with the most.

The most what?

That's a funny line.

The most what.

You know, I was awfully fond of Kevin.

He took out my appendix, you know?

Didn't charge me a cent for it, either.

Pittsburgh's got a nice team.

Why, this Kevin, he could do just about anything.

Fish, hunt, trap-- and a good doctor, too.

I can't understand Kathy.

A man like that, and she goes off and-- what kind of work

do you do?

Me?

I'm a-- I'm a night club performer.

Didn't Kathy tell you?

Yeah, she told me, but, uh, just what does that mean,

uh-- are you a singing waiter?

No.

I'm not a singing waiter.

I'm an entertainer.

And a pretty good one, if you'll forgive my immodesty.

I sing, do monologues.

Tell jokes.

Make people laugh.

You know.

You make people laugh?

Of course.

Make 'em laugh quite a bit, as a matter of fact.

Wel, yeah, but, uh, then they all have been drinking.

No.

We have a very high class clientele, come to our club.

Real nice people.

Look, why don't you, uh, come down to the club some night,

and, uh, watch me perform?

Then you'll know what I can do.

Not me.

I haven't in a saloon for 25 years.

You want want to see what you do, show it to me here.

Well, I-- I couldn't do my material here.

I mean, uh, living room.

I--

Well, what's the matter?

Aren't the stories fit to be told in your own home?

Oh, sure.

I do a very clean act.

But, uh-- well, you see, what I do,

uh-- well, what I do is, uh--

Well, what do you do?

Look, I walk out, I walk out, and I

say, uh, like, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Then I go into one of my stock jokes,

and I got a pretty good stock of stock jokes.

Like the one about the-- parrot.

The parrot that speaks all the different languages.

It's a story about a fella's in Europe,

and looking for a unique gift, or a present for his mother.

So he runs across this parrot, a very valuable bird.

Speaks seven different languages.

So he ships the parrot off to the states, a present

to his mom.

When he gets back home to America,

he dashes over to see his mother, and he says, Mom,

how did you enjoy the parrot I sent ya?

And she says, ah, it was delicious.

So he says, Mom-- Mom, how could you eat that parrot?

She said, very easy.

With onions and potatoes.

He says, no, Mom, I mean, how could you bring

yourself to cook that bird?

You realize that parrot could speak

seven different languages?

And his mother said, so why didn't it say something?

Well, why didn't it?

What else do you do?

Look, uh, when I tell that story in a nightclub,

people get hysterical.

Well, I suppose when people are all tanked up,

they laugh at anything.

No, it isn't that at all.

Look, it's hard for me to show you kind of work I do.

If you just come down to the club some night,

you'll see for yourself.

Well, personally, I like to spend my spare time

with a fly rod in my hand, fishing

with a man like Kevin Maguire.

Dad, I hate to break this up, but, uh, Linda

just won't go to sleep until you come up

and say goodnight to her.

Well, it'll be a pleasure.

All right.

Well, how are you two getting along?

Who, us?

He's still tired from the drive.

Found his weakness, though. Fishing.

Oh, of course.

He loves it.

It's his favorite pastime.

Don't look now, kid, but it's just become mine, too.

Danny, you don't know anything about fishing.

I know.

That's why I'm going down to the newstand

to pick up every back issue of Fisherman Magazine I can find.

Oh, honey.

By morning I intend to be an authority

on the subject of fishing.

You mean you'd go to all that trouble just

to get my father to like you?

That's not all.

If this doesn't work, I'm going to get

a do it yourself medical kit and take out his adenoids, free.

It's 4:00.

Ask me something about fishing.

Why don't you get some sleep?

I will, I will.

Now come on, ask me something about fishing.

All right.

What sort of a question?

Something technical.

Ask me-- ask me about striped bass.

All right.

How are they?

They're fine, and they send their love.

What kind of a question is that?

How are they?

Just say, how about striped bass?

Well, how about striped bass?

There is no closed season on striped bass.

They may be taken in the early summer

months in the coastal regions by trolling

with spinners and plugs.

Stripers, as they are known to the crafty anglers who

pursue them, have been known to reach 45 pounds.

You will have fun matching wits with the elusive striper.

Fishing is my favorite sport.

That's news to me.

It's news to me, too.

To tell ya the truth, son, I-- I haven't done much fishing

since you were born.

This is over 10 years ago when I did a lot of fishing.

A lot of fishing.

Where'd you do your fishing, in Central Park,

with a pool cue and a safety pin?

Oh, honey, your father's a scream.

I gotta write down all the quips he

says, because really, I could make

a whole routine out of 'em.

Uh, Dad, maybe you and Danny could

go fishing together sometime?

Oh, I'd like that.

Out in the fresh air, especially up in the north woods,

hooked onto a fighting sailfish.

Sailfish in the north woods?

What's the matter?

Don't they have them in the north woods?

Not unless they moved the ocean up there.

Sailfish are only caught in saltwater.

Oh, I don't know.

You get one with a pretty big sail,

it could get blown off its course.

Did you, uh-- did you say something, honey?

No, dear.

Well, why don't you?

Oh, yes.

Yes, what about striped bass?

You're interested in striped bass, too?

A fella stopped me on the street the other day,

and asked me about striped bass.

And I said to him, I said, well, Sam, uh, striped bass, eh?

There's no closed season on striped bass, I said.

I said, uh-- uh, they can be taken in the coastal regions

by, uh, trolling with spinners and plugs.

Gee, Dad, You sound like you really know your stuff.

Aw--

Yes, uh, we may have another fishing

expert in the family, Dad.

My dad's good at everything.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

Yeah, I'll bet.

You like trout fishing?

Trout fishing?

I love trout fishing.

Trout fishing, probably the favorite

of fishermen the world over.

It's the rainbow trout.

I mean, here is an adversary worthy of the most

skillful of the Isaac Waltons.

What kind of bait do you use?

What?

For trout?

Usual.

Standard.

Regulation trout bait.

Guess you, uh, use live bait, then?

Oh, of course.

We always use live bait.

Probably, uh, use marlin, then?

Live marlin?

Oh, yeah.

That's--

Yeah.

It's easy to see you're a fisherman.

Only an expert could use a 200 pound marlin

to catch a 2 pound trout.

You don't know anything about fishing!

He does, too!

All right, Rus.

And if he wants to catch trout with marlin,

it's cause he likes to do it the hard way.

All right.

Sailfish in the north woods.

Marlin for bait.

Some fisherman.

Maybe I'd better go see if Linda's awakened from her nap.

Daddy?

Yeah?

Tell me more about the striped bass.

You know a lot about 'em.

I wish I know more about my father in law.

Daddy?

What?

Are you afraid of him?

Afraid of him?

Don't be silly.

Well, then how come you let him push you around like that?

Rusty, he's Kathy's father.

I gotta try to get along with him.

When Tubby Anderson pushed me around,

you told me to stand up to him.

It's different.

Mr. Daly is older than I am.

I've gotta respect his age.

Tubby Anderson is two years older than I am.

Yes.

I could have stood there respecting his age,

and got my block knocked off.

Rusty, it's not the same.

Mr. Daly is Kathy's father.

Well, you said don't let anybody push you around,

no matter who it says.

That's what you said.

I said.

What's the difference what I said?

Why do you have to pay attention to what I say?

Be-- because you're my father, and I do what you tell me.

And I always will do what you tell me,

even if you are afraid of Mr. Daly.

Rus--

Gal darn it, Daddy.

You're always saying you wanna be proud of me.

Don't you think I want to be proud of you?

Hey.

Rus?

Mr. Daly!

Well, look who's here, Nanook of the north.

Why don't you knock it off, you big cornball?

What?

You heard me.

Look, I'm gettin' sick and tired of carrying around your bum

weight, you old windbag.

-Windbag? -Windbag.

That's right.

And if you weren't Kathy's father,

and a miserable old man, I'd rap you right in your snoot.

-Oh, you would, would ya? -Danny, stop.

Yes I would.

I don't let anybody push me around, brother, anybody,

especially in my own home.

Danny, you're talking to my father.

Well, it's a cinch I'm not talking to mine.

I wouldn't have him for a father.

Look, I've been bending over backwards trying to please you,

but this is as far as I bend.

Now, either you start acting like a gentleman,

or pack your bags and get outta here.

Aw, what a tip.

Hey, Dan, come over here.

Come on.

Come over here.

Come on, come over and try that.

Go on, try it.

Whip it around a couple of times.

With your wrist.

How does it feel?

Like a long flyswatter.

When I get through with you, you'll know how

to handle one of those things.

You know, after all, when we go fishing together,

I want you to look like an expert.

Why, you-- you, you did it.

You did it again.

Why, if I didn't have him signed, sealed, and delivered,

you'd have chased him away. -Now, now--

-Why, you big fake. -Now--

You liked him all the time.

Honey, honey, I just wanted to find out what kind of a man

you married.

I must admit that Danny, old boy,

he had me worried there for awhile,

the way he kept laughing and smiling at all of my insults.

Why, if a man had spoke to me that way I spoke to you,

I'd have thrown him out on his ear.

Don't think I didn't want to, kid.

Kathy, you married yourself a man.

A better man than Kevin Maguire?

Kevin Maguire?

That big mouth?

He talks so much, he scares the fish away.

Gee, Grandpa, you're a great guy.

Now Danny, I want you to come and visit as soon as you can.

I know a little out of the way stream

where the trout are so anxious to be caught,

they even give you a recipe for how to cook 'em.

And maybe one of these nights I can come down and hear you sing

to the drunks in the saloon.

Supper clubs.

Well, they're saloons to me.

Yeah?

Let me tell you something, you old hydrated weasel.

If you ever came down to the classy club where I work,

you couldn't get past the front door.

Oh, I couldn't, huh?

No, you couldn't, huh.

Now, mind your talk, or I'll pin your ears back.

Go on, throw one.

You'll wind up right on the floor.

Go ahead.

Aw, Danny.

I'm going to miss ya, boy.

Me too, pop.

Hurry back, hear?

Take care of yourself.

Bye, Dad.

Hey, hey, hey.

You're forgetting something, aren't ya?

I'm not forgetting it.

From me to you.