Original subtitles

I tell you that people used to stop me on the street

and tell me stories like that and I'd

tell them at the old club and they'd marvel.

The customers would come up and say, that kid only

makes a few dollars a week.

How can he afford to buy such material?

And who bought?

Whatever I heard in the street, I told.

That was my whole act.

There's a great story about a fellow who walks into a bar,

and it's pretty crowded, this bar.

And he walks up to the bar, sits at the only empty stool.

And he says to the bartender, I'd

like have a drink, a little bourbon on the rocks

and buy a drink for everybody in the house

and pour one for yourself, son.

Well, the bartender is thinking, this is it.

He's got himself a live one.

He pours drinks for everybody, pours one for himself,

gets it down.

Two minutes later, the old guy says, all right, same thing.

Set them up for everybody and pour one for yourself, son.

Well, the bartender is all excited.

Wow.

Rockefeller walked in, you know?

And it goes on like this, five, six, seven rounds.

Finally, the bartender goes over to the man and he says, look,

I don't own this place.

You bought a lot of liquor for a lot of people, including me.

You're a great guy, but I have to start

ringing something the carriage register

because I don't own this place.

And old guy looked at the bartender and says,

I don't have any money.

The bartender says, you haven't got any money?

He picked him up and he mopped the back bar with him

and he beat him mercilessly and threw him out the front door.

A few minutes later the old guy staggered around

to the back entrance, came in, brushing himself off, stat

at the same stool, and he said to the bartender, hey, bud,

can I please have a drink, bourbon on the rocks?

And set them up for everybody in the house.

But none for you.

When you drink, you get nasty.

(SINGING) They heard the breeze in the trees playing

with melodies.

So they made that the start of the blues.

And from the jail there came the wail of a lonesome downhearted

fail.

So they made that a part of the blues.

And from the whippoorwill on a hill

then a chicken you melodies pushed it along I

then a chicken you melodies pushed it along I

Wonderful.

Oh, you'll get no argument from me.

My goodness, Herman.

Do you know it's after 1:00?

If you're going to play golf tomorrow,

you've got to get home and get some sleep.

Well, 1:00 is not too late.

It is for too late a man who's been up since 6:30

in the morning.

Would you let one of your patients do it?

All right, you win.

But first I go to dressing room, say good night to Danny.

All right.

Excuse me.

Can we drive you and Danny home?

Oh, thanks, Sue, but we're not going straight home.

Danny's planned to take me to a few late spots.

Again?

You have been going at a terrible pace.

Oh, you're not kidding.

I was so tired this morning, I fell asleep in the bathtub.

Oh, well, that's not so surprising.

I've done that myself a few times.

Standing under the shower?

Well, why don't you tell him you're exhausted?

Oh, and have him think I'm and old stick

in the mud when he's so loaded with energy and vitality?

When I married Danny, I knew he had a lot of drive,

but I didn't know he was equipped with overdrive.

You make him sounds like Superman.

He is.

He's just down two shows tonight and we'll be dancing

and whooping it up till dawn.

Now, why do you have to do that?

It seems to be Danny's way of life.

And I'm going to be a part of it if it kills me.

Uh, huh.

It may very well do just that.

What am I going to do?

On top of everything else, bright and early

tomorrow morning he's going to play golf with your husband.

Well, I'll tell you one thing you can do.

You can call off our tennis date.

Oh, no.

Nothing doing.

If he has the energy to play golf, I'm going to play tennis.

Man, I'm tired.

Hey, Doc.

Cathy didn't see you bring that bag in, did she?

No, I just ran out and got it from the car.

Good, I don't want her to find out I'm taking vitamin shots.

I think you've being very foolish.

Why don't you tell her that you are exhausted?

I can't do that, Doc.

I don't want her to think I can't keep up with her,

because I can't.

That girl is a dynamo, such vitality, such energy.

I never saw anything like it in my life.

I thought after the honeymoon it would the taper off,

but it hasn't.

Well, I as your doctor, I advise you to slow down.

You need sleep.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

But I guess Cathy can't sleep unless we

been out dancing all night.

I guess she figures sleep is for old.

People.

Without sleep, young people don't get to be old people.

Shall we dance?

Boy, that's a big one, Doc.

Same size of needle I always use.

I don't know.

That looks bigger to me, Doc.

Come on now, Danny, please.

Take it easy with that spear, will you, wow.

I always take it easy for you.

Oh sure, last time you jabbed it in so far,

you pinned me to the wall.

Come back.

Stand still.

OK, All right, take it easy.

Ow, ow, ow!

It's only the cotton.

Are you using sharper cotton, or something?

Such a baby.

OK, take your time.

Give me-- let me get my mind off it or something.

Well, do like you did the last time, sing.

OK, I'll sing. I'll sing.

All right.

Wait a minute.

Let me think of a song.

Wait a minute.

Doc, please. Wait a minute.

All right!

(SINGING) From the whippoorwill, high on the hill.

They took a new note.

They pushed it to a-- oh!

Wow!

Here is your lollipop.

So the man said, everything is fine,

but why do you go back to two slices a game?

Oh, that's funny.

You telling Danny Williams a joke.

Why not?

He always tells me how to take care of my patients.

Danny, you were just wonderful.

Thank you, sweetie.

But I guess you get tired of hearing that.

Oh, I never get tired of hearing that.

He never gets tired period.

Well, being mere mortals, we get tired.

So we'll go home and go to bed.

Come on, Herman.

You see who is the boss in my family.

Lucky you.

See you in the morning.

Good night.

Good night, Doc.

What kept you, honey?

Did you get stuck?

Oh, stuck.

Yeah.

You known, people come into the dressing room

and I got stuck with them.

Danny, what's the matter?

Nothing's the matter, why?

Everything is fine.

You look beautiful.

Oh.

By the way if we're going to go clubbing, kid, don't you

think we ought to get started?

Oh, yes, I guess we better.

Fine.

That is, honey, unless you're too tired

and don't want to go out tonight.

Me, tired?

Whatever gave you that idea?

Of course, Danny, if you're tired--

Me?

I could go on forever.

Honey, I'm shot full of energy.

Cathy.

Cathy.

Honey, it's time for me to get up

and see the kids off to school.

Huh?

What?

It's Louise's day off, honey.

It's time for me to see the kids off to school.

Oh, you want me to do it?

No, honey, I just wanted you to see me get up and do it.

Oh, I think I should get up and fix them a nice breakfast.

What do you mean, nice breakfast?

I took care of them last week.

You didn't hear any complaints about the breakfast, did you?

No, but--

You never mind, sweetheart.

I'll take care of everything, baby.

You just got to sleep.

Oh, Daddy, you're taking care of breakfast?

Yeah, I'm taking care of breakfast.

Oh, goody.

What do you feel like eating?

Some cereal and cream.

And some pancakes and eggs.

And sausages.

And French fried potatoes.

OK.

Here.

And tell the waitress to warm Linda's milk.

Danny Williams.

Is this the way you've been taking care of breakfast?

Well, honey, I did it for your sake.

I figured that way we wouldn't leave dishes for you to do,

see?

This whole time I thought you were doing the dishes.

Oh no, there's a fellow at the restaurant does them real good.

Washes them clean, no problem.

The idea, $5 for breakfast.

We use a lot of ketchup.

And I'm a heavy tipper.

Danny, really, if you were too tired to get their breakfast,

why didn't you ask me?

Who was too tired?

I did it for the kids.

You know what a kick children get

out of eating in a restaurant.

Little children their age eating in a restaurant alone,

what will people think?

If you don't stop arguing about it, we'll be late for school

again.

Again?

We were late last week.

You were late last week and may I ask just why you were late?

The ketchup got stuck.

The ketchup got stuck?

By the time we got through slapping it, we were late.

You know.

Oh, that's fine.

And just how do I explain that to your teacher?

Real easy, send her a note.

Dear teacher, please excuse the kids for being late.

They were busy hitting the bottle.

Honestly, Danny.

OK, kid, I was only trying to help you out.

If you want to make the breakfast, do it your way.

I don't care.

The very idea, sending little tiny children

like you out to a restaurant for breakfast.

I never heard of such a thing.

Now what do you want to eat?

Some cereal and cream.

Cereal.

And some pancakes and eggs.

Pancakes and some eggs.

And sausages.

And sausages.

And French fried potatoes.

And French fried potatoes.

Tell the waitress to be sure and warm Linda's milk.

Honey.

That the doorbell?

Uh, huh.

I'll get it.

No, honey, you get some sleep.

I'll get it.

No, that's all right.

I'm closer to the door.

It's all right, never mind.

I was going to get up anyway.

Don't bother, dear.

I'll get it.

I've got it.

Oh, oh, Danny, it's the Verhagans.

You didn't have to get up.

I was going to get-- -I know.

But I forgot.

Sue and I have a date to play tennis this morning.

Have a nice game, honey.

Oh, and you.

You have a date with the doctor to play golf, remember?

Yeah.

Well, come on.

Up.

Up.

OK.

OK.

Oh, now, Danny, come on.

All right, all right.

All right.

Tell him I'll be right there.

Hi, Doc.

Hello, Danny.

We sure got a beautiful morning.

I know.

I was up when it got here.

What are you doing?

Shh.

Are you going to play golf in your bedroom slippers?

Shh.

Not so loud with the bedroom slippers.

Where are the girls?

Sue is helping create the Kay to straighten up

the kid's room. -Fine.

Fine.

See, I brought along the bedroom slippers

because I got my pajamas on underneath.

Oh, you bring the bedroom slippers because you're going

to play golf in your pajamas.

I figure while Cathy and Sue are playing tennis

and you're out playing golf, I could take

the key to your apartment and.

Get some sleep.

Pardon me for a silly question.

Why don't you just go back to your own bed?

Doc, we've been through all this.

I can't let Cathy know about this.

I'm supposed to be an energetic man.

I don't want her to think I'm falling apart.

Oh, she would never think that, except for one reason.

What?

You are falling apart.

Well, I don't want her to find it out.

Why don't you act your age?

What do you mean, act my age?

Well, you are not a spring chicken.

I'm also not an old duck.

You show people.

You are all so vain about your age.

-I'm not vain about my age. -Yes, you are.

All actors are alike.

I know an actor who has a dog act.

And he has a dog who is seven year old.

And he goes around telling everybody that he's six.

Little

No corny, jokes, just the keys.

All right, all right.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, hi girls.

Well, happy golfing, boys.

Thank you.

Have a nice tennis game, both of you.

Thank you.

Sure you don't want a cup of coffee?

No, it'll keep me awake.

I mean, uh, just the thought of a vigorous game of golf

is stimulating enough for me dear.

Come on, Doc, we'll burn up that course, won't we?

Goodbye.

Bye, bye, dear.

I don't know where he gets the energy.

I'm about ready to collapse from trying to keep up with him.

He's a ball of fire.

He's turning me into a heap of ashes.

Instead of paying Tennis, and you go back to bed

and get some rest?

I wouldn't dare.

If Superman should come in and find me asleep,

I'd never live it down.

Yeah, there's that.

Say, I've got an idea.

The boys will be out on the golf course all afternoon.

I'll be playing tennis.

Why don't you take the key to my apartment?

The key to your apartment?

Sure.

That way you can get some rest and Danny'll

never know the difference.

That's a wonderful idea.

Oh, Sue, you can consider this your Christmas present to me.

Hello, hello.

Say, this is Danny Williams.

Would you please call the Westside Tennis Club

and ask them to page Mrs. Danny Williams?

Thank you, I'll wait.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, hello.

Hello.

Hello?

Hello, Cathy?

Danny, where are you?

Where am I?

I'm at the golf course.

You're at the -Golf course?

Yeah, honey, at the golf course.

Oh, hi, Charlie.

I heard you got a hole in one yesterday.

Good luck, Charlie.

That was Charlie, honey.

Uh, huh.

Listen, honey, I was thinking instead of coming home

for dinner after I got through playing golf,

I figured I'd shower and shave here, then go to work.

You could meet me at the club later.

Oh.

don't you think you'll be through in time

to come home for dinner?

Well, honey, I'm so full of that pep and energy

and it's such a beautiful day, I figured

instead of playing just 18 holes, I'd play 36 holes today.

Wow.

Well naturally, darling, I want you to have a lot of fun,

but I'm a little worried about you overexerting yourself.

Me?

Over-- honey, you know what they call me around here?

Iron Man.

Well, dear, if you are sure you're not overdoing it.

Oh, no, honey.

Not at all.

36 holes will be a breeze.

I'll have a cold shower.

I'll be a new man.

Well, OK, Danny.

Have fun.

Bye baby.

Bye, Iron Man.

Cold shower.

What are you really trying to do, drown me?

What's the matter, Iron Man?

Are you afraid you'll rust?

What's the matter with you?

Why you big faker, saying you're at the gold club.

Why I've never heard of such deceit.

Oh, I wasn't being deceitful.

This is a fine way to start a marriage.

Well, just a little white lie.

What are you making a big thing out of it?

Oh, all marriages are based on little white lies.

What?

Of course.

You show me two good liars and I'll show you a happy marriage.

Danny Williams you're not going to climb your way--

Take it easy. All right.

All right. OK.

OK.

Want the truth?

I'll tell you the truth.

I just couldn't keep up with you.

What?

Well, I mean, I had put up a pretense

that I was a big strong man.

After all I mean, you're on the go all the time

and shucks, you're my fair lady and I don't want you to think

that your gallant knight on a white charger

was riding side saddle.

You were trying to keep up with me?

Of course, you're so vivacious and effervescent

and you got such vitality.

I mean, we were out nightclubbing

until the wee hours, and here you are

this morning playing tennis.

Your serve.

This is a new tennis outfit you're wearing?

Well now listen, Danny.

I can explain.

Why you little doublecrosser.

Who just called me a big faker?

What are you doing here?

Of all the-- Shame on you.

I mean, I'm capable of such an underhanded trick, but you?

Well now, Danny, you said it takes good liars

to make a happy marriage.

In that case, we're going to be hysterically happy.

Would you do me a favor, Iron Man?

What?

Would you please shut up and let this vivacious, effervescent,

old hag get some sleep?

I'm gonna sleep for a week.

OK. but when you get up, don't get me up.