Original subtitles

Well!

Hi!

Hey!

Hello, Louise!

How nice to see you.

Oh, you look so fine.

I bet you just had a wonderful time.

Oh, we had a great time.

A real great time.

Say, you got the place looking great, Louise.

Well, I think I thought of everything.

I'll bet I know one thing you didn't think of.

What?

You forgot to have the piano tuned.

Yeah?

Well, just give it a bang, and see.

Sounds good.

Didn't I tell ya?

Sounds fine.

(SINGING) Days and days.

Birds are wending back to the shelter of each little nest

they love.

Nightshades fallin'.

Hear them callin'.

What makes the world go round?

Nothin' but love.

Hey!

When whippoorwills call, and the evening is nice,

I hurry to my-- to my blue heaven.

A turn to the right, and a little white light

will lead you to my blue heaven.

You'll see a smiling face, a fireplace,

a cozy room, and a little nest that's

nestled where the roses bloom.

Just Kathy and me.

Just Kathy and me.

Hey, where's Kathy?

Where is the bride?

Well-- aw, honey, come on, now.

Look, honey, we have been through this bit

a hundred times.

I have carried you over every threshold

between here and Las Vegas.

Now, it's high time you learned to walk through a door, huh?

I do not intend to walk in my new home for the first time.

Oh, well, I hope you have a nice life in the hallway.

Goodbye.

Dad, go ahead.

Pick her up.

It gives the bride a romantic feeling.

Yeah, it gives the groom a charlie horse.

Oh, Mr. Williams, carry her over the threshold.

Go ahead there, now.

Well, at least it's legal.

Boy, you gotta have muscles to get married.

Yeah, don't ya?

Well, tell me, now, how was the honeymoon?

It was lots of fun.

I caught a fish.

The best part of the whole honeymoon

was when we went horseback riding.

Louise, it was the most glorious honeymoon

I've ever been on.

Listen to the voice of experience over here.

You two must have had a lot of privacy with three kids along.

Yeah.

Yeah, they all thought we were nuts in that hotel.

I bet.

Especially when I'd call room service.

I'd say, hello?

This is the bridal suite.

Would you send up some champagne,

and three bowls of cereal?

Oh, that reminds me.

I hope you all are good and hungry, cause I got a mighty

fine roast in that oven.

Oh, boy.

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

Let's unpack and freshen up.

Yeah.

I can take 'em, Louise.

Just take the small ones. -I have to carry some of 'em.

-That's all right. -Oh, Daddy?

Yes, dear?

Daddy, I figure you can use the right hand closet and the chest

of drawers, and Kathy, you use the left hand

closet and the dresser.

Well, that sounds reasonable.

This is our vice president in charge of closets.

Now, you two kids go upstairs and get washed.

Washed?

Yes, washed.

But we're home now.

We can be dirty again.

Come on, now.

Run upstairs and get cleaned up for dinner.

I'm only going to wash my hands.

And your ears.

I don't eat with my ears.

Don't be smart, Rusty.

Start marching.

Now look, don't be so bossy.

You're not running this house anymore.

Oh, is that so?

Yeah, that's so.

Now Kathy's going to run the house.

Well, we'll see about that.

Come on, on your way.

Guess I'd better go in the kitchen

and see if my roast is getting too roasted.

Oh, Louise, did you make the canapes?

Uh-huh.

And are you using the good silver and the good china?

Oh, yes.

It's being used.

And what about the flowers and the candles on the table?

It's all set.

Good.

Oh, and I think it'd be nice if we served the coffee in here.

OK.

And let's see, now.

I'm sure there was something else I wanted to-- oh, yes.

Take this.

My, ain't you the fluttery one?

Now listen, honey, you gotta stop worrying,

or you're going to be the only gray-haired teenager

in this block.

Louise, somebody has to look after a home,

or things don't get done.

And when Miss Kathy married your daddy,

she signed up as head worrier.

Now, she's going to be taking over from now on.

But that won't be necessary.

I mean, well, I've been running this house for a long time,

and I like doing things for Daddy.

Well, maybe Miss Kathy likes doing things for your daddy,

too.

But you'd think that she'd be happy not having

to be tied down to a house.

To be free to do anything she wants.

Wouldn't you?

Don't ask me, honey.

When a woman marries and says I do,

that means I do the cooking, I do the sewing,

I do the housework-- I do everything.

Miss Kathy, would you care for some coffee?

Oh, thanks, Terry.

You didn't have to bother with that.

I could do it.

Oh, it's no bother.

Well, I'll be right down.

First I want to tuck the children in.

Oh, you don't have to.

I've already tucked them in.

Oh?

Daddy's saying goodnight to them now.

You know, Terry, I've really got

to compliment you on the way you're

handling things around here.

The dinner was perfect, the houses is in apple pie order.

Thank you.

I'm going to have a hard time filling your shoes.

Filling my shoes?

Well, you know what I mean.

How do ya like that?

I go in to say goodnight, and I turn out to be a water boy.

I don't know what it is with that kid.

Eight glasses of water before he'd go to sleep.

That brother of yours-- he insists

on going to bed at high tide.

Hey, that coffee smells great. -It is.

Would you like some?

I'd love some.

Oh, I'll do it, Kathy.

Oh, boy, it's great to be home.

Las Vegas was fun, but there's nothing like being home,

and-- and relaxing, you know?

Really good.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Light?

Thank you, dear.

Look, I want to light it, not set fire to it.

Thank you, though.

That's fine, Terry.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, dear.

Darling, why don't you take off your shoes,

and I'll run up and get your slippers?

All right, sweetie.

Oh, I'll do it, Daddy.

I can help, too.

Wait a minute.

That's-- wait a minute.

Sorry, it was my fault. I should've

fastened my safety belt.

I'll run up and get your slippers, dear.

Here they are, Daddy.

Well, my, I don't know why I deserve all of this service.

Thank you, dear.

That's really very sweet of you.

Are you comfortable now, Daddy?

Oh, I'm pretty comfortable.

Let me see.

Come here.

Now I'm comfortable.

Well--

Are you happy, Mrs. Williams?

Very happy, Mr. Williams.

I can't stand around here.

I'll go make out the grocery list.

Oh, Terry, I'll do that later.

I always do it.

She's quite a girl, isn't she, honey?

Yes.

Quite a girl.

You know, Danny, I think we have a problem on our hands.

What are you talking about?

What kind of problem?

Well, I don't think Terry likes the idea

of my running the house.

Oh, honey, you're imagining things.

Terry likes you a lot.

Of course she likes me, but she loves you.

And she sort of resents my taking her place.

She considers me an intruder.

She said that to you?

Oh, no, she didn't say it, but it's obvious the way she feels,

and you can't blame her.

After all, she's been the lady of the house,

and that's a pretty important and responsible position

to give up.

Especially for a teenager.

Oh, honey, now, look, I don't agree with you,

but if you think it's serious, well, have a talk with her.

I'm sure you can straighten it out.

Oh, Danny, I can't talk to her.

You're her father.

You're the one to talk to her.

-Me? -Yes.

Oh, come on.

I wouldn't know what the say in a matter like that, honey.

Oh, yes you would, darling.

No, I wouldn't.

I mean, what could I say?

Terry, you're a great kid, you've

been doing a wonderful job taking care of the house,

but now you have to turn in your dish towel?

You do it, honey.

I don't know what to say to her.

Oh, Danny, don't you see I can't?

Right now I'm her antagonist, and if you

don't straighten it out soon, tactfully,

it's going to get worse.

You've got to do it, Danny.

Honey.

Well, you can do it, honey.

Why, you can charm the birds out of the trees when you want to.

Yeah, but she's not a bird.

You know what I mean.

And you have a way with women.

Yeah?

Mm-hm.

Oh, yes indeed.

You know, you can just wrap a girl around your little finger

if you want to.

And you will talk to her, won't you, darling?

Won't you?

Yeah, I'll talk to her.

You know why?

Why?

Because I have a way with women.

I can take a girl, and no matter how hard she struggles,

I can wrap myself right around her little finger.

Oh, come in.

Hi, Daddy.

Hello, dear.

Uh, look, Terry, dear--

Yes, Daddy?

Sweetheart, I, uh-- I've got something important

I'd like to talk to you about.

Oh, that's good, because I have something

very important to talk to you about, too.

Oh?

Yes, it-- it's about Kathy.

What about Kathy?

Well, now that she's married to you and all,

well, she naturally feels that she should run the household.

Ah.

Well-- that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.

Of course.

I should have known.

Should have known what?

That you'd see what was going on.

You're the most understanding man I know.

I am?

Of course you are.

That's why you understand how much it means to me

to run the household for you.

And I've been doing a good job, haven't I?

Yeah, well--

Well, I've kept things neat and clean, and--

Yeah, sure, but, uh--

And I've seen that all the bills are paid,

and I've made sure that we have everything we need.

Isn't that true?

Well, sure, but--

So that's why I want you to have a talk with Kathy

and explain to her that she doesn't have to worry.

I'll keep on running things.

Sure, but--

She'll listen to you, Daddy.

And actually, she'll be .

Sure, but--

Oh, Daddy, you're a dear.

Oh, I know that you'll do it. thank you.

Because you have a way with women.

You can take a girl and wrap her around your little finger.

That's me.

The old little finger wrap a rounder.

Thank you.

That's wonderful coffee.

Sweetheart?

Come on, Kathy.

All right.

I'll-- I'll talk to her.

Honest, I will. Really.

When?

When do you intend to talk to her?

Maybe in the spring time.

We'll sit in the park and talk.

It's nice then.

Danny, what kind of a man are you?

Spineless.

If we don't solve this now, why-- we'll never get

it settled.

You've got to talk to her when she comes down to breakfast.

Oh, honey--

Right now.

Oh, jeepers creepers.

Morning.

Oh, good morning, Terry.

Morning, Daddy.

Terry, I have an appointment with my agent.

Danny!

Your agent's in Chicago.

That's all the more reason why I should get an early start.

Danny, sit down.

You want another cup of coffee, don't you, dear?

Terry, your father has something to say to you.

Don't you, dear?

Sure, but--

Excuse me, and I'll leave you two alone.

Daddy, what's Kathy serving breakfast?

Where's Louise?

Louise is on a week's vacation.

But she had a vacation while we were away.

I know, but Kathy felt that, well,

if Louise was out of the kitchen,

then she could kind of feel her way around.

Daddy, did you talk to her?

Well, I, uh--

Did you?

Uh, look, hold the phone.

This thing has gone far enough.

Now, the whole situation is just plain ridiculous.

Terry, this may come as a shock to you,

but in all the homes in America, the wife takes

over the household duties.

Oh.

Guess I know where I stand.

Now Terry, don't be like that, sweetheart.

There's a place for everyone in the family.

And right now, you could be a big help,

especially with Louise away.

I mean, you could-- you could fill Kathy in, you know,

about the grocer, and the butcher,

and the utilities people.

And the laundry-- how I like my shirts nice and soft, and-- and

what kind of food I like.

You know, I'm a potatoes and meat fellow.

Nothing fancy, no spices, or-- you could kind of fill her in.

Show her the ropes.

You mean you want me to teach her how to do my job?

Well, if you put it that way, yes.

Well!

Danny?

Did you talk to her? -Yeah.

Is it all settled?

Everything is settled.

What did she say?

She said, well!

Hey, where are you going?

To the YMCA, where they don't allow women!

Terry, what have you got there?

Daddy's shirts.

I'm going to wash them.

You needn't trouble.

I'll take care of them.

You don't have to.

I've gotten used to doing his shirts.

And besides, he needs them.

He's almost out.

Terry, will you please sit down a minute?

I think it's time we had a little understanding.

Somebody's got to talk to you, and it

looks as if I've been elected.

You know, the honeymoon is over, and I'd

better begin rolling up my sleeves

and acting like a housewife.

After all, your father paid $3.00 for a license,

he's entitled to some service.

I don't mind taking care of this for him.

I've gotten used to doing it, and-- besides, it's

no trouble at all.

And while you're doing all these things

for your father, what did you have in mind for me to do?

I don't know.

You could read magazines, or knit,

or watch TV, or join a bridge club.

Look, Terry, will you please let me start running the house?

I'd appreciate any help you could give me, of course,

but there just can't be two bosses of one home.

So would you please let me have my husband's shirts?

Well, if that's the way you want it.

That's the way I want it.

Uh, Kathy, just a minute.

Yes?

Uh, if you insist on doing the shirts,

be sure to put plenty of starch in them.

He likes lots of starch.

Thank you, Terry, for telling me.

And, um, now that we've reached a little understanding,

there's something else you could help me with.

Like what?

Well, I was going to cook dinner tonight,

and I wanted to fix something very nice for your father.

Do you know anything that he especially likes?

Well, he likes almost everything.

Well, he must have some favorite dish?

Well, um, he does likes stew.

Stew?

What kind of stew?

Lebanese stew.

Lebanese stew?

What's what?

Well, it's sort of a lamb stew.

Oh, a lamb stew?

Well, I can manage that fine.

Uh, how does he like it?

Does he like it plain, or does he like seasoning?

Oh, he likes it seasoned.

Highly seasoned.

Lots of, uh, chopped onions, and hot pepper, and chili.

And plenty of paprika.

Boy, that sounds awfully hot.

Well, you know those Lebanese.

They're hot blooded.

Well, if that's what he likes, I aim to please.

And Terry, thanks for the tip.

Oh, you're welcome.

When are we gonna eat?

I'm hungry.

Yes, I wonder what's keeping your daddy.

Oh, he'll be here any minute.

He's putting on a fresh shirt for dinner.

Oh.

Oh, dear.

I--

Look, I don't want to cause any trouble.

I not very hard to please.

I would like somebody to answer one question.

Is that a shirt, or an Eskimo igloo?

How could they put so much starch in the shirt?

But darling, the laundry didn't do it.

I did it.

You did it?

Honey, I like a little starch in my shirts.

I like 'em soft.

Just a little starch.

Well, I thought you liked a lot of starch.

But I guess I overdid it.

Yeah, I guess you did.

I really didn't mean for you to see it.

I was going to do it over again.

Look, baby, I know I take getting used to,

but like I told you, honey, anything you wanna know,

just ask Terry, or-- I mean, she'd be happy to help you.

Yes, dear.

Next time I'll ask.

Now, let's forget about the shirt.

You just sit down over here and wait until you see

what I fixed for you tonight.

Something special?

Oh, yes.

There.

Oh, boy, that looks good.

Oh, it is.

Smells good, too.

Oh-- oh!

Ow!

Wow!

What's the matter?

That's what I'd like to know.

What is it?

It's Lebanese stew.

Lebanese stew?

If they'd have made stew like that in Lebanon,

that country would have burned 2,000 years ago.

I thought it was one of your favorite dishes.

DANNY: Boy, you've come up with some weird ones today.

First you thought I liked my shirts dipped in cement,

then you thought I liked dynamite in my food.

Who put these thoughts in your head?

Nobody, Danny.

No one.

Sweetheart, like I said, all ya have to do is ask.

All right.

Next time I'll ask.

I'm sorry.

Now, if you'll all go in and watch television,

I'll fix something else. -OK.

Look, I got a better idea.

Why-- Why-- why don't I take you all out to dinner?

No.

This is my home.

We're going to eat here.

I'm perfectly capable of fixing a good meal.

Now, if you'll all just get out of here, I'll get started.

Well, you don't have to get sore about it, honey.

I'm not sore.

I just want you to get out and leave me alone!

I don't get it.

What are you so upset about?

This is hard.

You make my shirt like a chunk of the highway 66,

you-- you burn up my food, you scorch my tonsils,

and you're mad.

I don't understand.

I said I was sorry.

What more do you expect me to say?

Now, will you please leave me alone?

Now, just a minute--

Daddy.

Daddy, I didn't mean for you to fight.

Why don't you butt out of this?

It doesn't concern you.

Don't you pick on her.

Just because you're sore at me, you don't

have to take it out on Terry.

It's not her fault.

What started this whole thing?

What are we fightin' about?

What's the matter with you?

Daddy, it is my fault. I told Kathy to put all

that starch in your shirt, and that you

liked lots of hot spices.

You told her?

What would you do that for?

Because I'm a jealous brat.

Oh, Terry, you're not.

You're no more jealous than I'd be in your place,

and you're not a brat.

You're a sweet, sensitive child, and you proved it just

now, like I knew you would.

Thank you, darling, for not letting me down.

Terry, dear, I married your daddy because I love him,

and I want to make a happy home for him.

And for all of us.

And you can help me.

Well, I mean, if we all work together,

why, we can have one of the happiest homes

in the whole world.

Can we?

I'm sorry.

Nothing like having a happy home.

Hey!

(SINGING) When whippoorwills call, and the evening is nice,

I hurry to my blue heaven.

Hey, turn to the right, a little white light will

lead you to my blue heaven.

You'll see a smiling face, a fireplace, a cozy room.

Aw, you cheated.

I don't wanna play with you.

Cheating cheater!

Ow!

What are you doing, hitting me on top of my head?

You trying to make me stupid?

Now, Rusty, cut that out.

What do you mean, cut it out?

She hit me!

You had no right to hit him with the checkerboard.

Now, stop it!

If you can't play together nicely,

don't play together at all.

Now, let's all settle down and behave like civilized people.

(SINGING) A little nest that's nestled where the roses bloom.

I want the red ones.

No, I want the red ones.

You had 'em last time.

Ladies first!

Ow!

You did it again!

That does it!

Oh, the very idea, Linda!

It was probably Rusty's idea.

Oh, Terry!

(SINGING) Just and me, and the baby makes three.

We're happy in my blue heaven!