All language subtitles for Rescue Me (2004) - S05E22 - Drink (1080p BluRay x265 Panda)

Sure this is the, uh,
A.A. meeting he’s at?

Yep.

Guy | used to sponsor
said he’s been here every day

since the funeral.

Said he’s talking about
how angry he still is.

Yeah, of course,
about Ellie’s death.

That.

And us drinking
at the funeral.

And the wake.

And in the church
during the funeral Mass.

Jesus.

What an all-time
goddamn low.

Yeah.

As opposed to having sex
in a church

while you’re still
a priest.

Those were the days.

Are you kidding?

| consider that to be
a personal all-time high.

Hey, here he comes.
Let me do the talking. Ah ah.

Hey.
Hey, Ted.

How you doin’?

Teddy, hold on a minute,
will you? Come on.

Hey, how was
the meeting, buddy?

We-- We just--

We feel a little
responsibility here, you know?

| mean, Ellie, right?
And, you know, | wish--

We wish, you know,
and it’s like-- Listen.

What I’m trying
to say is, you know,

it’s like I--
| wouldn’t blame you

if you wanted to haul off
a-and hit me.

[GRUNTS]

You all right? You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Be careful what you wish for,
huh? Heh.

Listen, kid, you got nothing
to feel guilty about.

What happened with Ellie

was all my fault.

Not you, not Tom. Me.

Then what'd you hit me for?

| needed the release.

Listen, personally
| feel a little guilty,

because | think | was
pouring heavy that night.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

No one put the bottle back
in her hand but me.

That goddamn rediscover-the-love
bullshit | was up to,

it was just me
being selfish.

| wanted to drink again,

because | was miserable
without the booze.

Well, get a goddamn
load of me now,

misery incarnate
head to toe.

| was the one who let her go to
pick up that stupid goddamn dog.

| never even wanted
that goddamn shit machine.

| only said yes
to the idea

so she’d shut up
her goddamn yap about it.

Now she’s dead,

and | got a four-legged
asshole Pomeranian

who won't stop yapping
its goddamn neuticles off.

Neuti-- neuticles?
Fake balls.

She had ’em put in when
they cut the real balls off.

Said it would help Cupcake
with his self-esteem.

She was worried
about his self-esteem

and she called him
Cupcake?

She was all about
the contradictions!

Jesus, Mick.

| might as well have put
a bullet in her head

the day | started
drinkin’ again,

so it’s me
| gotta straighten out.

And, you guys--

You guys just don’t worry
yourself about all this.

Okay? | love you guys.

See you, Ted.

[THE VON BONDIES’
"C’MON, C’MON" PLAYING]

On another day
C’mon, c’mon f

With these ropes tied tight
Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good
When we were young f

~ When my teeth bite down
| can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men
Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good
When we were young f

Ils it safe to stay? J
~C’mon, c’mon f

? Was it right to leave? J
~C’mon, c’mon J

< Will | ever learn? I
~C’mon, c’mon f

~ C’mon, c’mon
C’mon, c’mon J

She has the baby
happy, home,

and healthy
for six months.

Wakes up one day.
Baby’s coughing, uneasy.

She thinks it’s colicky.
She takes it to the doctor.

Ahem. 24 hours later,
the baby is dead.

Bad heart.

Aw, Jesus Christ.

Marriage fell apart. Changed her
whole life. You know.

If there is a God,
he’s a pretty sick individual.

Mm.

Explains, though, why she
ran in to get that box.

Probably...
Well, yeah.

Only memory she has.
Was all she had.

Ah, that’s terrible.

Awtul.
Did you bang her?

What? You smashed
down her door.

No, | didn’t bang her.
It’s a legitimate question.

Let me explain something to you.

Sex was the last thing
on my mind. | go in there.

This woman has a
psychological breakdown,

okay? You know what | did?
| held her.

That’s what | did.
| held her.

It was like a-- Like a--
A healing process.

And I'll tell you something.

lf you’d walked in
in the middle of it,

you wouldn't have known
if | was holding her

or if she was holding me.

It w-- That’s-- That’s how
incredible the experience was.

That’s pretty touching.

Yeah. It was, actually.

Did you have a boner?

[SIGHS]

| just explained to you what
basically, for me,

was like a religious
experience, okay?

l-- It was...

Yes, | had the biggest boner.

Mm-hm.

It was like a--
It was weird.

It was like a-- Like a--
It was like an empathy boner.

It was--
Mm.

A-And, |I-- You know, | coul--
No place to put it.

Hey, do me a favor.
Don’t mention--

Because I-- | told Kelly--

It’s such a personal,
private thing.

Obviously you’re my best friend,
| tell you everything, but she--

You don’t tell anybody about
what | just told you.

About the empathy boner?

About the baby. That’s--

Oh, yeah.

But-- But | could
talk about the boner?

| mean,
if it comes up.

Hey.
Hey.
Hey.

What’s goin’ on?
Did you just, uh,

hear what we were
just talking about?

| don’t know.
What were you talking about?

Boners.

Why were you talking
about boners?

Because we could talk about
whatever we want.

Got seniority in this house.
We sometimes talk about boners,

giant boners, boners we got,
boners we’re hoping to have.

We were talking
about boners.

Hello?
Franco’s upstairs.

Who?

Whoa.

First time for everything,
| guess.

Yeah.
I’m looking for Tommy Gavin.

’'m Tommy Gavin.

Hi.
Hi.

Okay, | don’t know
what this is about,

but do not
tell your mother

or anybody about this.

Hi.
Hey.

All right, wait.
Is this a stripper-gram thing?

If this is a
stripper-gram thing,

give me a minute, | gotta
activate my cell-phone camera.

This is one of those
stripper-grams.

Get the phone ready.
Take a picture.

LOU: Can't work it.
Can | give you this?

You can give me
whatever you want.

Great.
Thanks.

Heh. Tommy Gavin?

Yes.

You’ve been served.
Have a nice day.

You gotta be
shittin’ me.

Sometimes you guys just make
the job so easy. Thanks.

T-Turn the camera off,
please.

This is what makes me pine
for the old days,

when all the process
servers were men.

There was a lot less danger
of fallin’ for a pretty face.

You were looking
at her face?

What'd they nail you with?

Divorce papers.

It's about freakin’ time.

LOU: You okay?
Yeah.

LOU:
Jesus Christ.
That’s it?

"Yeah"? This event has been
hovering over your--

Your life for so many years,
it finally happens,

that’s all y-you got is
a one-syllable response?

Jesus Christ.

I’m good.

Heh-heh. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you’re good.

And I’ve known you
long enough to know

that right now the wheels
are already spinning,

and you’re planning
your secret evil plan

to get revenge on your
soon-to-be ex-Mrs. Gavin.

Bingo.
| love it when I’m right.

Wait. Why do you gotta get
revenge? What do you care?

| thought you were banging
that Kelly chick.

Who said | was
banging Kelly?

| called her the other day
to ask her out,

and she said
that you two were, uh--

you had a thing
or you have a thing going on,

so that’s why | backed down.

Please tell me that you did not
mention anything

about the thing
to your mother.

No.
He answered too quickly.

I-I’m not gonna ask you again.

Well, let me think. Yeah.

It's unbelievable. Un--

Let me--
Let me guess.

It was on goddamn laundry night,
wasn’t it?

Uh--
Hey. Gak-gak-gak.

What do you want?

Sit down, because, uh,
we got a problem.

Oh, we have a huge problem,
all right,

and it’s sitting in front of me
in a cheap cotton polyblend.

I’m only gonna
say this once.

Sit down, or | will
kick you in the vagina.

And you know | will.

Never, ever
reference my vagina

ever again, ever.

Now, what do you want?

Okay, So look.

We loathe each other,
but let’s admit it.

We’re also
kind of enjoying

this death struggle
over who gets Tommy,

which is also
sort of like

fighting to see who gets
the Ebola virus.

Um, you know, one of us
is gonna win.

One of us is gonna lose.

Them’s the rules,
and we are fine with them,

except now
the rules have changed,

because we have an interloper.
We have a trespasser.

| know about the new chick.

Kelly something.
And of course she has to have

the quintessential
goddamn Irish name.

He is so goddamn
predictable.

Well, you don’t seem that
concerned about it.

You know, when push comes to
shove, |’m pretty confident

that he’s finally gonna
come to his senses,

especially since I’m about
to shove him

in the right
direction.

| just served him
divorce papers.

What a coincidink,

because | am about
to serve him

with these.

I’m leaving.

She lost a child.

What?

She had a baby few years ago,
and it only lived for, like,

a month or two months or
something. | don’t know.

Damian didn’t really hear
the whole thing, but anyway,

it’s supposed to be
this huge secret,

and she opened up
to Tommy,

of all people.

So you see,

it’s not just a sex
thing anymore, okay,

it’s a grief connection.

Just like
he has with you,

and just like
he has with me.

[SIGHS]

So, what do we do?

We’re gonna 86 her.

What, kill her?
Oh, my God.

If | didn’t think that
you would break under pressure

and blab everything to the
police like a little pussy,

then yeah,
| would consider that,

except we are
gonna kill her

with kindness
and concern, okay?

Tommy is a maniac.
He has hurt us both very badly.

We’re gonna go, talk to her,
we're gonna warn her,

and we are gonna scare the
ever-loving shit out of her.

Agreed?

Agreed.
When do we do this?

Here is the address. Meet me in
front of her place in two hours.

Damian had that written down.
| was kind of snooping.

Mm. Mm!

One more thing
before | forget.

| can’t believe
| almost forgot this.

This is really important.

Janet, please,

do not forget your...

[IN SQUEAKY VOICE]
... vagina.

[SCOFFS]

Sit down.

Uh, if ’'d Known | was
gonna have company,

| would have
got dressed.

Just got back
from pilates.

Oh, yeah. | heard of those.
You get results?

I’ve never actually done
any of the exercises.

My instructor is this Greek guy
with an amazing ass,

so he shows me the moves,

and then | pretend to pull a
hamstring, and he stretches me.

Just give me two seconds
to get dressed.

SHEILA:
Oh, no, no.
You look great.

Two seconds.
Help yourself to some wine.

Oh. Thank you!

That’s very kind of you.

She’s a mutt.

Yeah, she’s a brunette.
That’s a big part of it.

[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]

She’s got those squinty
little eyes. That’s attractive.

You know, | thought
she was kind of cute.

She’s cute like a boy.
She has a figure like a 2-by-4.

She has a great ass.
What, you looked?

Of course | looked. You always
check out the enemy’s ass.

At least, | do.

Guess that means
you've checked out mine.

You know,
Tommy likes the shape.

He didn’t mention
the size?

You know, | quit smoking.

How’s the wine?

Oh, it--

It’s good.
It tastes like chicken.

Really?
SHEILA: Yeah.

And I’m not one of those people
that gets other tastes in wine.

Licorice, butterscotch,
all that bullshit.

It all just pretty much
tastes like booze to me.

Tastes good to me.

Listen,

Kelly,

you have a really beautiful
place here,

and you are
an attractive enough lady.

Although, they have this new
thing. It’s a laser thing

that just kinda lifts the eyes,
just a little thing.

You heard of that?
No? Nothing?

So we know that
you've been

spending a lot of time
with Tommy.

[SIGHS]

Okay.

And, um,
we don’t know you,

but, uh, let’s say you saw
someone driving the wrong way

down a one-way street.
You'd honk your horn, right?

Or if they were about to walk
off the side of a cliff,

you'd speak up.

Which is why we’re here.

Zzt. Just keep drinking,
all right?

Tommy’s a good-lookin’ guy,
and we, more than anybody,

we can understand
how you'd be wowed by--

Actually, | think
he’s kind of scrawny.

Oh?
And pretty beat-up.

| mean, breathe on him the wrong
way, you break a bone, right?

[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]

Yeah,
she’s funny too.

Tommy’s really
screwed up.

He’s a bottomless
pit of anger

and, um, kind of destroys

anybody that he comes into
contact with, you know?

And what kind of people
would we be, really,

if we didn’t warn you?

What was your name again?

Oh, that is Sheila.
| could do it!

My name is Sheila.

So you’re the ex-wife?

Gonna be.
Soon.

Listen, girls,

| don’t wanna be
a bad hostess,

but | think | can
wrap this up real quick.

Uh, | Know Tommy is damaged.
He’s a goddamn train wreck.

And while | appreciate
your concern, you two strike me

as a couple of ladies

who found a really

lousy thrill ride
at a shitty carnival.

But it’s your lousy ride
and your shitty carnival,

so you'll be goddamned if
anybody’s gonna cut the line,

hop on, and take a spin.

Really?

Because, uh, you strike me
as the kind of lady who,

if she wasn't already
spinning on top of Tommy,

would be smart enough
to haul ass

in any direction
that he wasn’t.

Not that it’s any of your
business, but | haven’t, um,

spun him yet.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, yeah, right.
| haven't.

What we did, it was--
It was, uh, private.

Oh, cut the shit.

What are you talkin’ about?
You’re talkin’ about head?

It wasn’t head.

Well, if you didn’t
sleep with him,

and you didn't
go down on him,

w-what else is there?
Uh, yoga?

[BOTH LAUGH]

He held me.

| was having a moment,
and he held me.

Uh, j-just wait a minute.
Um...

[CLEARS THROAT]

"Head" or "held"?

Held.

No, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Head-- Head
| can understand,

but not held.

When you say, "held,"

you mean he
held you down, right?

because me and him,
we do that all the time.

Uh, me too.
Huh.

No. He hugged me.

He comforted me.

Bullshit.

This is my Tommy Gavin
that we’re talking about?

And my, Tommy Gavin?

Evil smile, complicated eyes,
girl hair?

Yeah, Tommy Gavin,
he don’t hug.

Well, he hugged me.

And while this has been
a major blast,

| have a meeting downtown
that | have to get to,

so I’m going to have to ask you
to come back another time,

like possibly never, and | sure
hope that wasn’t too bitchy.

Nope, not too bitchy,
just bitchy enough.

Great. I’ll let you guys
see yourselves out, then.

And again, thank you for your
concern, but I’m a big girl.

| can take care
of myself.

Sorry to hear
about your daughter.

What?

Did-- You had a baby girl
that died, right?

Um, Janet had a son that died,
and | had a miscarriage myself.

It’s, um--
It’s tough stuff.

Who told you that?

I’m sorry. What?

Who told you that?

Who do you think?

Tried to warn you.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Yeah, and | can’t believe
that you brought up the baby.

| mean, that is too low,
even for you.

Oh, you really
screwed that up.

Um, | had to
screw it up,

because | was the only one in
there. Where the hell were you?

Oh, where was |?
Yeah.

Oh, I'll tell you where | was.
| was taking the high road.

You were taking
the highball road.

That's what
you were doing.

| always wondered why you
married a drunk, and now | know.

It’s because you happen
to be one yourself!

Oh, you take that back.

| will not, you big, fat lush.
Take that back.

Oh! Oh, my God! You pushed me!
[LAUGHS]

You pushed me!
Uh-huh. Oh!

[JANET GROANS]

Ow!

Oh, you bitch.

You think you can mess with me?

Aah! Oh, my God.

Did you just throw your shoe
at me? What are you, 5?

Ow. My ass.

All right, you wanna throw?
We'll throw some things.

ll throw something. Oh.

Oh, yeah!
How about this, huh?

You wanna throw?
You wanna go?

Oh, yeah? Bring it on.

Do you want me to bring it on?
I’m gonna bring it on. Unh!

Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

[CAR ALARM BLARING]
Oh!

Nice toss.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Whoa, stop it!
What are you two doin’? Stop!

Get off!
Stop! Stop! Stop!

Get off!
Stop it! Both of you, stop!

Who the hell are you?
Get the hell out of here.

Excuse me.
What?

Where did you get that bra?

Get that out of my face.

[CAR ALARM BLARING]

[MAN GRUNTING]

[SHEILA GRUNTING]

[SIREN APPROACHING]

Ah. Run, you moron!

Oh, hey, thanks for
getting my shoe.

[MAN GROANS]

Hey.
Hi.

Can | come in?
No.

Do me a favor, all right?

Forget | live here. Forget my
name. Just forget all of it.

What’s going on?
What's going on is

just when | think | am
the smartest goddamn broad

| would ever have
the pleasure of meeting,

| go and do something stupid
like tell you about my kid.

And you were so comforting
and so simpatico,

and I’m just wondering
which one you told first.

| don’t know what
you're talking about.

Which one did you tell first,
you goddamn liar,

your girlfriend or your wife?

They were both here.
They knew the whole story.

They-- They were here?
I’m gonna guess the girlfriend,

because she was really
loaded for bear.

Okay, okay. Let me--
Let me come in and explain.

W-Wait. Okay.
All right, | told--

| told one person.
| told Lou.

Okay? And that’s only
because-- You met him

at the firehouse.
He’s my best friend,

and he had seen
the box at the fire--

Oh, so, what, Lou told Sheila?
No. There’s no way.

Lou would never tell--
What happened?

Well, they came here.
We had a nice little girl chat.

They sucked down a bottle
of my wine,

insulted me and each other,
then they went outside and had

knockdown-dragout fight for
all the neighborhood to see.

That’s them.
Yeah.

Well, Tommy, you know what?
This is over.

| cannot take the chance
of turning into one of them.

That little one, Jesus, she was
like Joe Pesci with tits.

You know, you should just
go back to your ex-wife.

At least she seems
like a happy drunk.

She served me with
divorce papers.

Okay, then. | guess you
only have one choice.

You.

No. Joe Pesci.

You really think
that’s the chick

I’m gonna spend
the rest of my life with?

Yeah. You know--
You know--

You know, the rest
of your life, Tommy,

is gonna be
a goddamn circus,

and she’s the ringmaster.

So why don’t you do us all
a favor and just give in?

W-What--?

[SOFT GRUNT]

[SCREAMING]

Shh. Shh.
Oh, my God!

[GRUNTING]
Shh.

Oh, my God.
It’s okay. It’s okay.

[SHEILA LAUGHS]

It’s okay. It’s okay.
You scared me.

There you go.
[LAUGHING]

Okay.

What? Wh--?

Yeah.

Here.

[CHUCKLES]

TOMMY: Too tight?
SHEILA: Mm-mm.

How’s that?

Good.
You all right?

Yes.

[LAUGHS]

You know,

don’t know why...

...It took me so long...

Mm.

...to figure out.

[PANTS]

Mm.

...that you...

Mm.

...are the one.

So hang on.

| got a surprise.

You're gonna like this.

Oh, my God.

This is just like a dream.

Actually, I’ve had this dream.

[CHUCKLES]

Get in here!
What are you doing?!

So, ahem.

How long would you say

it would take you
to replace

all these pills, ballpark?

Uh, a goddamn long time.

| told you it’s like
two different shrinks,

three different doctors,

four different stories,
| think. Why?

So basically we’re talking,
ahem, a minimum of two days?

You know,
between the phone calls

and the emergency
shrink appointments

and more phone calls,

not to mention
the terror sweats.

And also my withdrawals.
What of it?

Oh, yeah.
Withdrawals.

Yeah.

Completely forgot
about the--

[GIGGLES]

Withdrawals.

Yeah.

With-drawl-els.

Hey, what are you doing

with my pills?
[WATER SPLASHES]

[STRIKES MATCH]

What? Hey, hey, hey.

Hey!

What are you--? Oh, shit!

How dare you touch my pills?

Stop it! Put it out!
Put it out! Put it out!

Tommy.

Oh. What are you doing?

What are you doing? Don't!

Stop it.

Don’t. Cut it out.
That’s not funny. Don't.

Mm-hm.
It’s not funny, Tommy.

Tommy! Oh! Oh!

Don't. It’s not funny.

Ah, stop it.

Tommy, this is not funny. Don’t!

You stupid idiot!

Cut it out.

[SOBBING]

[SIGHS]

The next time you

wanna take something
that belongs to me

and squeeze all
the hope and breath

and the promise out of it,

terror sweats will be
the least of your problems.

Okay?

See you.

Wait. Wait, wait. Wait.

No wait. Wait.

Wait!

[SOBBING]

Tommy!

You know, this is insanity,
which | know is--

Is business as usual
for you,

but for the rest of us
here on planet Earth--

Don’t tell me that you are
thinking of backing out.

| was never in, dipshit.
The only reason

why | came out here tonight
was to try to talk some sense

into that thick Irish
skull of yours.

Tommy, may | remind you that
kidnapping is a federal offense?

Okay. You know you happen to be
Katy’s favorite uncle?

Oh, that’s great.
She can come visit me in prison.

I’m not moving, Tom.

Okay. It’s fine.

| don’t need you.
| can do this by myself.

Since I’m the only one
in the car with any balls,

| am gonna get out right now
and do it by myself, okay?

Lou?

God, you-- Aah!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Christ. Holy--

Jesus, Mary, Joseph.
Katy, what are you doing here?

| saw you pull up
a while ago.

| thought you were some guys
cruising for gay sex.

No!
We're not.

Why would--?

| saw a documentary
about AIDS on PBS.

Why--? This is why
we’re taking her,

because the--
Your mother should--

So you’re, like,
kidnapping me?

No, we’re not gonna--

Listen, first of all, a father
cannot kidnap his own child.

That’s not legally possible.

Well,
actually, Daddy,

unless you have legal custody
rights, you could be charged--

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We’re kidnapping you.

But it’s not what you think.
Oh, Christ.

It’s more like
a bonding thing.

Me and you, and Colleen,
we’re gonna bond.

We’re gonna be in
the same apartment and bond.

You know, | mean,
| Know you love Mom, but--

Not really.
No?

Mom’s a total raving bitch.

And where’s her judgment?

Remember that Dwight guy
in the wheelchair?

Who brings
a freak like that

into a young child’s
home environment?

Get me out of here.

| wasn’t gonna say anything
about the Dwight--

LOU: You should have.
Honey, oh. Oh.

Uh...

What about-- Don’t you
have to pack a bag?

You can buy me
whatever | need.

Right. What about
the babysitter?

Oh, don’t worry. When she went
downstairs to check the laundry,

| locked her in the basement.
Oh. And what-- The baby?

| gave him two teaspoons of
Benadryl. He’s out like a light.

God, Tommy.

[SIGHS]

You must be so proud.

[SIGHS]

All right, boys,
the doors are locked.

Hatches are battened down.

We’re officially
in staff-only drinkin’ mode.

All right, before we, uh,
start imbibing in earnest,

I’d like the floor.

To Ellie. May God kiss
and rest her soul.

Amen to that. And, Tom,

if | could just add, to Teddy.

Goddamn rock.

Mount goddamn
Rushmore.

It’s inspirational.

Absolutely.

He owes me 800 bucks.

For chrissakes.
For what?

For the pipers.

You know, whoever’s job it was
to pay the pipers, you know,

t-they forgot, or who knows,

but, you know,
the lead guy corners me,

says he needs the money.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Jesus Christ. Who the hell’s
that, King goddamn Kong?

No. He drinks at a bar down by
the Empire State Building.

We’re closed!
TEDDY: Open up. It’s me.

Jeez. It’s Teddy.
NEEDLES: Listen. Everybody be

as upbeat
as possible, okay?

Good. Now, listen. Don’t mention
the friggin’ money.

Franco, you gorgeous hunk
of man meat, you.

ALL: Teddy!
TEDDY: How you doin’, boys?

How’s your ball sacks?

How’s your wife, Lou?
Oh, great.

| stole all her money,
and | kicked her out.

Ha-ha! Just as well.

That marriage had as much chance
as me bangin’ Charlize Theron.

Heh-heh. Hey, Tom,

give me ten glasses here,
best Irish whiskey.

Ten?
TEDDY: Make ’em large too,

three fingers.

What’s the good word, Eddie?
Uh...

| wasn’t gonna bring this up,

but since you're in
such good spirits, um,

| Kinda got stuck
payin’ for the pipers

for the funeral.
| mean,

not to bring up that
sad subject, but, uh,

it was $800.

You know, it was $800
| wasn’t planning on spending,

so I’m sorry, Teddy, but if
you could write me a check

or if you got the cash--

Heh. You know what?
| can-- | can write it off.

I'll write it off.

Hey, I'll tell you what.

It’s on me, all right?

No worries, brother.
No worries.

Hey, Ted.

Yeah, Mick?

Is, uh--
Is that a lighter?

No.

Enjoy the drinks you have
in your hands, boys,

because after that,
the only thing

you're pourin’ down
your gullet tonight

is ginger ale or coffee.

You won’t go to A.A..,
I'll bring A.A. to you.

Yeah.

| just got one bullet
in this baby.

Just one.

The whole thing with Ellie,
| blame myself.

Do a shot, Tom.

Okay. Ahem.

Ah, the way | look at it,

if | hadn’t started
drinkin’ again,

she wouldn’t have
started either.

Do another shot, Tom, please.

TOMMY:
Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

And one more.

I’m-- I’m okay.
These are huge.

Do another shot.

Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

So I’ve been goin’ to meetings.
| haven’t touched a drop.

But the guilt, | don’t think
| can shake that.

So | decided | have to make
the ultimate amends.

| gotta kill myself.

Only problem is, | can’t.

I’m not drinkin’ no more,

so it’s practically impossible
for me to work up the balls.

Tom, do another shot.

T-Teddy, I...

Do another shot now.

[SIGHS]

So | figure I’d put a bullet
in this gun,

and | give the gun
to somebody else.

Say they’re drunk
or high or whatever.

Who’s to say they won’t
do the job for me?

Tom, do another shot.

Teddy, I-- | can’t. I--

Ted, he’s-- He’s already--

Mick, | swear
on my dead wife’s soul,

| will rip your freakin’ head
out of your goddamn neck!

Tom, drink.

Did you drink much
before | showed up?

Ah. Little more than usual.

Good. This should work out
great, then.

You feelin’ a little
lightheaded?

Yeah.

Perfect.

Ever remember the name
Bubba Cohen?

Friend of your old man’s
back in the day.

Big guy,
dumber than drywall,

got mobbed up
around age 19,

got a job as a leg-breaker
for the local guinea mob.

One night, he went down
to Sully’s Taphouse

drunk as a skunk,
mouthed off to the wrong mook.

Walkin’ out
to the car that night,

someone ran up behind him,
put five bullets in his back.

So much for Bubba, huh?

You'd think so,
but he didn’t die.

Guy was an animal,
huge,

size of a shed,
but that ain’t what saved him.

On the night in question,
he drank 19 beers

and a whole goddamn
bottle of Jameson's.

Doctors said he had so much
booze in his system

that it got to the point

where it slowed
his heart down so much,

he was unable
to bleed to death.

You see,
that’s my problem.

lf | wanna off myself,

| gotta drink my weight in booze
just to pull the trigger.

Then I’ll be so shitfaced

| won't be able
to kick the bucket.

Now, | got this gun here

with five empty chambers
and one round,

so the odds are stacked
pretty much in my favor.

But why don’t we all
just leave it to fate?

You wanna do the honors, Tom?

No, Teddy, I-- | really--
| really don’t.

| didn’t think so.

SHAWN: Shit!
Jesus Christ.

Five empty chambers,
| hit him with the first shot.

Why can’t | get those kind
of results

when I’m playin’
the goddamn lottery?

[GUN CLICKING]

[MEN SHOUTING]

[GROANS]

TEDDY:
Shit! There was
another bullet in there.

| swear | think I’m comin’ down
with the goddamn Alzheimer’s.

Teddy, goddamn it,
what are you doing?

[FIRES THREE SHOTS]

Okay, okay!

| said | had one round
in that gun. Sorry, two.

But this,

this is a Glock 17.

This has got 19 rounds,

so that means | got 16 left.

And by the by, just so you know,

I’m sober as a judge,
in case anybody’s wondering.

So why don’t we all be
nice little kids

and put your cell phones
or your high-tech textin’ toys,

put ‘em on the bar right
over there right now.

Come on. Get ’em up there
so | could see ’em.

That’s it. All of ’em.

Because | want you guys
to know something.

I’m not playin’.

Old Grand-Dad bottle,
third shelf.

Shit! Christ.

Smirnoff bottle,
second shelf.

All right, all right.
Teddy, goddamn it!

Which is my way of sayin’,

anyone makes
a move at me,

or tries
to go for help...

So what we’re gonna do is,

we’re gonna sit here
for the next few hours

and watch Tom
slowly fade away.

Teddy,
what are you doin’?

You told me. You said
it was none of our fault.

Yes. Yes, | did.

Yeah, but you’re blamin’ Tom.

| guess I’m in denial.

[TOMMY GASPS]
Get out of there.

There’s this thing
they call karma.

I’m sure you heard about it.

You live a shitty life,
usually before it’s over,

bad karma comes back
and bites you in the balls.

You act like an asshole,

maybe you get
cancer of the ass.

You treat
your kids like shit,

maybe they pull
a Menendez

and blow your brains out
on the goddamn couch

while you’re
takin’ a nap.

But you,

you seem to do
whatever you want,

and nothing--

Nothing bad ever happens.

Everybody around you gets killed
or crushed or burnt up,

but you,

somehow you always
seem to survive.

Well, not no more,
big nose.

You took the best thing | ever
had away from me, asshole.

A brave man dies once,

but a coward dies
a thousand times.

Bet you wish you were
chickenshit now, huh, asshole?

Have some ginger ale, boys.

Hopefully this is gonna
take a while.

It’s Okay, Cos.

You'll see
when you get here.

All makes sense
on the other side.

[TRANSGLOBAL UNDERGROUND’S "ARMY
OF FORGOTTEN SOULS" PLAYING]

? This is the army
Of forgotten souls J

~ Ahh

~ Ahh

~ Ahh

~ Bless me, Father
For | have sinned J

~ Bless me, Father
For | have sinned J

~ Bless me, Father
For | have sinned J

~ Bless me, Father
For | have sinned J

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Ladies and gentlemen
Boys and girls f

~ Boys and girls f

~ Ahh

~ Ahh

~ Ahh

~ Ahh

~ Ahh

~ Ahh

? This is the army
Of forgotten souls J

~ Bless me, Father
For | have sinned J

[Pre]