All language subtitles for Rescue Me (2004) - S05E14 - Wheels (1080p BluRay x265 Panda)

NARRATOR:
Previously on Rescue Me...

- (Muffled Scream)
- Oh, you want to play tough?

- What are you doing?
- You got the cancer.

| came over to try
to end it for you
before it turns ugly.

- Now, lay down...
- | don't care, Teddy.
| just...

| really want to live, okay?

Can you just put the pillow
down, please?

He can drink
all the booze he wants.

It won't matter a bit.

Ain't no tears
inside them bottles.

He cried them all,
when Carla got crushed.

Face the music, assholes.

He's done.
Dead as a doornail inside.

Just like me.

Only, he's still
walking around.

You're being intimate
with Janet and Sheila again?

Maybe | am.

| am taking responsibility,
and | am paying for everything

and taking care of all
the kids, and in return,

| get basically free sex
with no strings attached.

Bullshit.

Let's go, Frankie.
Come on, come on.

| think Frankie's ready.

| think Chuck is dead.

The thing with Janet
and my kids, and then,
you and Damien,

| don't know. | mean,
even though
it's working good,

maybe we're just kind of
fooling ourselves.

You have got to keep
your eyes on the prize,

which, in this case,
are the kids.

Right.

Colleen, Katy, Wyatt,

- Damien, and...
- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. These.

(Both Laugh)

And whether | thought
about you...

The more
| realized how...

How attracted | was to you
from the beginning.

| wanna take it slow.

- Okay?
- Mmm-hmm.

You wanna play chess?

Can we do it in the nude?

I'll come over because
| wanna get back
with Colleen.

That's the idea. That's what
I'm saying to you here.

Colleen's impressed.

If we have to play
this game, let's do it right.

- So, be cool.
- Cool is how | do, baby.

(Grunting)

Madre mia.

Maybe | ought to buy you
a drink, see how that goes.

Yeah. Yeah.
That sounds good.

Please don't stand
here looking sad.

It only stands to remind
the children just how
sick they are.

If you want to come in,
you have to literally put
on a happy face.

TOMMY:
Who’s the old guy?

LOU:
Sonny Volpe, former
middleweight contender,

currently the finest cut man
in the business.

The finest, huh?

Well, the finest
we could get.

How old is he, exactly?
He is old.

Fought in the Olympics.

Which Olympics?

Put it to you this way.
They were still wearing sandals.

That’s old.
That’s old.

Franco looks good, though.
He looks really focused.

Yeah. This whole
channel your angst method

he’s got is really working.
TOMMY: Yeah.

We’re doing the right
thing with the pretty boy.

| mean, you know, he’s--

We’re gonna make money here,
including him.

Oh. Yes. You have no idea.
If he wins tonight

and we play this the right way,
it’s a license to print money.

Cool.

I’m gonna be
the white Don King.

Well, without the hair...

ho buggy,
and the manslaughter charge.

Don Knotts?

That’s what | was thinking.

See you later.

So how’s it going
with, uh, Candy?

Great.

You close the deal?
Oh, yeah.

God, | hate you so much.
I’m sure you do.

What’s the problem?
There’s no problem.

Why would there be a problem?
l-- There’s no problem, Tommy.

No, we’re two mature people with
a deep respect for each other,

and we’ve made a mutual decision
to just kind of go slow...

[CLEARS THROAT]

because we don’t know what’s
coming down the pike and--

| don’t Know what the hell
the problem is.

Okay. | smell a rat.
There’s no rat.

There’s gotta be a rat.
There’s no rat.

Based on what you tell me,
there’s a rat,

and it’s hiding
between her legs.

Hey, asshole, you crossed...
Don’t call me an asshole!

Take it outside, ladies!
Excuse me, old man.

Private conversation.

Well, we can have
it in the hallway.

Hey, where’d you--

| think he’s, uh,
missing an eyeball.

Yeah. He lost it in the war.
Korean?

Trojan.
Oh.

Look, | don’t want you ever,
ever, ever to talk about Candy

like that again.
Do you hear me?

Listen, I’m your friend.
You know what friend means?

It’s somebody who cares about
you and wants to help you, okay?

And, you know, the last time
you got involved with her,

you didn’t let me in.
I’m trying to protect you.

Don’t try to protect me.

What from?

From being cared for?
Listened to?

This is the first slice
of true happiness

I’ve had in two years, Tom.
Slice. Slice.

May | remind you
the last time she got involved,

she took every penny
that you had?

Hey, Lou.
Yeah?

He in there?
Yeah, he’s in there,

but | wouldn’t go if | were you,
because, okay, see you.

Who’s that?
Franco’s friend.

She needs to go in there and--

You saw how she’s built.

She can go wherever
the hell she wants.

Look, Tom, | don’t think
you should judge me on Candy.

| mean, | may be
in over my head,

That's true.
but you are too.

Me?
Yeah.

Okay. How--?
How do you think?

Well, how’s this
whole no-strings,

uh, relationship
thing going?

You know what?
Don’t try to turn

the judgment around on me.

The fact remains you are
involved with an ex-whore, who--

You know what you are to her?
You're a conduit.

That’s a-- She’s just waiting
for your new paychecks to come

so she can bilk you--
What are you?

What are you to Sheila and Janet
but a conduit to the kids?

You're a bigger whore
than Candy ever was.

You're calling me a whore?
Yeah, |’m calling you a whore.

Okay.
You called me a conduit.

You called me a conduit
and a whore.

| want an apology.
| want two apologies.

You're not gonna get
an apology, let alone two.

Unbelievable.
Rivera, you’re up in 20.

FRANCO AND CARLA:
Get the hell outta here!

Two apologies.
| want ’em right now.

It ain’t gonna happen.
Okay.

Look, look, Tommy,
it’s time for a truce.

I’m not gonna say
anything more

about your no-strings
arrangement.

All of a sudden,
you're a polygamist,

obviously born
and raised in Utah.

Hey, hey.
Starting your own stuff--

All right, enough.
Not gonna say anything.

Lips are sealed.
You in exchange,

just butt the hell out

of whatever | got going
on with Candy, okay?

Just let me enjoy the illusion
for as long as it lasts, Tom.

Can you do that?
Okay, but you know what?

When she shatters your heart

into a million tiny,
little pieces,

don’t come crying to me.
| won't.

I’m not gonna have some
magical dustpan,

| can pick up
all the pieces.

| don’t need your
magical dustpan.

Okay. All right.
| won’t come to you, believe me.

The last person
I’m gonna come to is you.

Conduit.
Whore.

[THE VON BONDIES’
"C’MON, C’MON" PLAYING]

On another day
C’mon, c’mon f

With these ropes tied tight
Can we do no wrong J

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now is gone S

Things were good
When we were young f

~ When my teeth bite down
| can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men
Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now is gone S

Things were good
When we were young f

Ils it safe to say? J

~C’mon, c’mon Sf

? Was it right to leave? J

~C’mon, c’mon Sf

JS Will | ever learn? I

~ C’mon, c’mon
C’mon, c’mon J

~C’mon, c’mon Sf

[CROWD MURMURING]

Ah, finally.

MAN:
What took you so long, eh?

What the hell?
What? Line was around the block.

Thanks. Nice.
Where did Colleen go?

Went to the ladies’ room and she
wasn't too happy about the wait.

What am | gonna do, man?
The cashier had brain damage.

Yeah?

So how would you, uh,
gauge her level of displeasure?

What do you mean?

Like from a scale of one to 10.

| don’t know if | can put
a number on it.

There was a lot of eye rolling
and a lot of-- Twelve.

Damn. Did she curse me?
It was a 12.

Depends if you consider
"douche bag" a curse word.

Yeah.

Depending on the right
context, yeah.

She said something like,

“how long is that little
douche bag gonna take

to bring my diet coke?"
FEINBERG: Heard the expression

"pussy hairs
pull battleships?"

What is that supposed
to mean, chief?

Just think about
it for a minute.

Oh, what, you’re trying
to say I’m pussy-whipped?

No, | said, "pussy hairs
pull battleships."

How you interpret
that is up to you.

I’m not pussy-whipped.
Who’s the babe

Frank’s talking with?
TOMMY: That’s Franco’s friend.

Since when does Frank
have chick friends?

He’s trying to get in her pants.

Not a bad place to be,
| imagine.

You could rest
a cocktail on that ass.

[ALL LAUGHING]
Nice.

You’d need mountain gear
to get up on top of that. Heh.

What? You think elder
statesmen such as |

don’t think about things
like this? Huh?

| do have the biggest
dick in the department

and have been known
to use it.

ANNOUNCER [ON PA]:
Tonight on the heavy-weight...

[CHUCKLES]
Anybody want this?

No, thanks.
Hey.

Hey, guys.
MIKE: Carla, right?

Yeah, yeah. Hey, what’s up?
Guys, this is Carla.

Hey, how you doing?
Our guy ready for a tussle?

Shit, yeah. He’s gonna tear
that bitch a new hole. Hee-hee.

Oh, look who decided
to return.

Hey. Hey, uh, Col--
This is my daughter Colleen.

This is Franco’s friend Carla.
Yeah. How you doing?

Uh, you know what?
I’m gonna go back to my seat.

You know, the fight’s
about to start,

so see you guys later.

TOMMY: See you later.
Bye.

See you.
Nice girl, huh?

Yeah. She’s--
She’s pretty hot.

She’s a total lesbo.

What?
| mean, come on, Col.

Just cause, like,
she talks like a dude

and walks like a dude doesn’t
mean she’s a lesbo, all right?

Come on. You can’t say that
Serena Williams is a lesbo

because she’s athletic
and built.

Hey, um, first of all,
Serena Williams isn’t a lesbo,

because women are too afraid
to have sex with her.

Not to mention guys.
Yeah.

| mean, would any one
of you guys do her?

You’re talking about Serena
Williams, the tennis player?

The one who's big enough
to be a forward for The Knicks?

TOMMY:
That’s the one.

| wouldn’t do her without
a buddy and a safety word.

Yeah, her handshake
was kinda painful.

That’s a secret
lesbo handshake.

There’s a secret
lesbo handshake?

Uh, yeah. A girl that’s straight
and just athletic

is always very conscientious
about shaking your hand

all delicate and ladylike,

but a true lesbo
doesn’t know how to do that.

You know,
it’s not in her nature.

Boo, how you know
about all this shit?

Um...

Oh, no, no.
Please don’t tell me.

Oh. This isn’t diet.
Tommy, did you know about--

| asked you to get me
a diet coke, Shawn.

You were a lesbo, boo?

Hey, please stop using
the term "boo" when I’m around.

I’m just saying, come on,
you guys knew--

This is a Boo-free zone.

Come on, Shawn. It was just some
silly teenage dalliance, okay?

Now, go get me a diet soda.

You know what? You Gavins,

| don’t know
what’s wrong with y’all.

LOU:
You look great, champ.

Now, remember, there’s innocent
children dying senseless deaths

all over the world
this very moment,

and Garrity’s got cancer.
Use it.

You stick and move.
You hear me? Stick and move.

Do not bum-rush him.
Shut up, you assholes. Shut up.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Yo, bust his hole, Franco!

Need | say more?

Stick and move.
Stick and move.

[BELL DINGS]

Come on, Franco.
Yeah. Let’s go, Frank!

TOMMY:
Frankie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, Franco!

Yeah!
Hit him!

Oh. Oh.

Yeah!
Yeah!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Frankie!

| haven’t seen a guy get
knocked out with a body shot

since Tyson-Spinks.

Wow. Only question now
is who’s gonna tell Frankie

this new girlfriend
might be a lesbo.

| don’t know.
Sounds like a probie job to me.

Yeah, right.
| don’t graduate till next week.

We'll wait till then.

Let’s go, guys.
FEINBERG: Come on.

l-| know | missed the fight,
but | got you a diet.

I’m not thirsty now.
Not thirsty?

Thank you, boo.

Check.

[GROANS]

Afternoon, Mr. Garrity.

Looking well today.

I’m feeling well, thanks.
Yeah, so | hear.

Uh, just need a quick
semen sample,

I'll be out of your hair.

I’m sorry.
What did you say?

Just raise your gown
for me, please.

Yeah, wh-what is this?

A standard procedure.

Doc just wants to make sure
that the medication isn’t

weakening your
reproductive system.

Yeah, | just--
Get out of there.

No. I’m not gonna do that.
Are you crazy?

If you two could give us
a little privacy, please.

You sure?
There’s no way
I’m leaving this room, Ma.

Wait a minute.
Hey, don’t worry.

What the--
You’re a little nervous.

| got something here to help
get things going.

[PLAYING DISCO MUSIC]

f Aw, big man J

~ Big man I

[LAUGHS]
Oh, my God.

~ I'ma big man J
Getting to you, huh, big boy?

Give me your phone.
Give me your phone.

J Here | go walking
Down the street J

Great. I’ve been waiting
for this moment my whole life.

[LAUGHS]
Very funny.

J Here | go walking
Down the street J

~ Yeah, I’m the man
That you wanna meet I

Hey. Where’s our
little cancer survivor?

[CD PLAYER CLICKS OFF]
What’s up?

| Knew you were behind this.
What’s up, homie?

Hey, what’s up?
What’s up, Frankie?

You look good.

Yeah, you look
like a new man.

Hey, chief. How you doing?

LOU:
Look, we heard you
were on the mend,

and, uh, we decided
to express our, uh, joy

and relief in our traditionally
twisted and, of course,

slightly homoerotic fashion.

Yeah. Well, I’m glad that
| barely survived cancer,

because you guys almost
killed me with a heart attack.

That was very nice. Thanks.

Yeah, wouldn't that
be a bitch, huh?

That’s the greatest gig
I’ve had in years, man.

This shit touches my heart.

Okay.

Uh, pal, maybe you
give us a minute.

Yeah, agitate the gravel.

Kick rocks.
Yeah. Bye.

Okay, no problem.
Hey, congratulations again.

Thanks a lot.
Whatever.

Thanks for coming--
Oh, Jesus Christ.

When are they gonna
let you out of here?

Doc wants to keep him
around a few days,

you know,
just to be sure.

We were worried about you, man.
Yeah. No shit.

Oh, yeah? | really
appreciate you guys coming.

Honestly, it means a lot.

Yeah. Didn't look like you

were gonna make it there
for a minute, homie.

| was saying a prayer
for you every night.

We all were, man.
Thanks.

Love you, Sean.

Hey. Okay. All right, buddy,
thanks. Love you too.

You almost died.

Yeah. How about that?
That was something.

A little help here, guys.

All right, Mikey,
that’s enough, buddy.

Come on. Come on, bro.

All right, gaybird, come on.
You're gonna pop a stitch.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. Jeez.

Hey, look, since this
whole cancer thing

is under the FDNY radar

and since your insurance
probably ain’t covering shit,

we decided to, uh,
donate our winnings from,

uh, Franco’s fight last night
to, uh, give to you to help foot

the bill for your extended
stay here at chez death.

Five grand.
Bam!

Oh, my gosh. You guys.

How do you like that, baby?
That is amazing.

We figured it would help
lighten the burden, uh,

between, uh,
you and your ma

and your brother paying
the bills, you know?

Hey, I’m not paying
for this shit.

Like | got any money.
Come on, Terrence.

Let’s go get a bite.
That was great, guys.

Go away, Ma.

Well, uh, you-- You’re paying
for this out of your own pocket?

Uh, most of it, yeah,
pretty much.

Dude. | mean, my mother’s
hospital bill was ridiculous.

This must be costing
you a fortune.

Well, | mean, it’s--
Turns out it’s gonna be

a lot more expensive
than | thought, but,

you know, | been able to pay
for most the bills by, you know,

skimming off the top from
the money we made at the bar,

but the doctors found
this combination of drugs

that’s really got me feeling
a lot better. Honestly.

It’s great. Amazing, right?
Hm.

Yeah.

So-- Did-did-did you
mention skimming off the--

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, you didn’t--

Oh, come on, you guys.
How dumb can you be?

I’m looking after the money
and checking "the books."

When’s the last time you
even saw me even open a book?

Ah, that’s nice.
[ALL CHUCKLING]

Yeah, that’s-- You know?

Yeah.

Hey, come on. If it was you,
you'd do the same thing, right?

Jesus Christ,
| thought | was gonna die.

Goddamn it. | mean,
what would any of you done?

No, it’s, uh--
It’s cool.

Okay. I’m so glad.
No! No! Hey, hey, hey!

Come on!
What’s wrong with you, man?

Come on!
Get off of him.

Get off of him, all right?
Desperate times,

desperate measures, okay, guys?
Jesus.

You okay?
He almost died, for god’s sakes.

You all right? Calm down.
Calm down.

He’s faking.
All right, listen.

You all right?
Yeah. It’s cool. Christ.

Lou’s right. It’s-- You know,
it was-- It was, uh, yeah.

Come on.
He was on his deathbed.

But he stole, Tommy.
| Know.

That was my--
Listen.

He’s alive. He’s our brother.
Yeah.

We ha-- We’re gonna have to just
forgive and forget, okay?

Thanks, Tom.
No problem. All right?

All right.
Jesus. | mean, you know,

first things first.

| mean, we will have
to take the, uh,

check back,
because, you know...

Well, | mean, see,
the thing is

I’m still maybe
a few bucks short,

so | was thinking
if it's cool, you know...

Wow.
ll just--

No, no. That’s okay. It’s fine.
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

That two-timing,
embezzling piece of shit.

Eighty grand?

More than our take
from the bar.

You know, we could have given
him a really nice funeral

if he’d had the decency to die,

and have money left over.

Eighty. How’s he ever
gonna come up with that?

He’s not. We are.
Bullshit.

What?
Screw him, Lou.

No, Lou’s right.
That’s easy for you to say,

you didn’t have
a piece in that bar.

|--| had plans for my money.

| think he’s right. | think
we’re gonna have to suck it up.

Damn. There goes
my trip to Italy.

Colleen’s gonna flip, man.

Wait a mi-- You were
taking Colleen to Italy?

For what, so you could be
pussy-whipped on foreign soil?

You know, it’s interesting,
because historically speaking,

guinea broads actually
invented the pussy whip.

Hey, that’s a double ethnic,
uh, uh--

ALL:
Slur.

But thanks for playing, Mike.

Look, guys, even if we give him
the total nut from the bar

and the fight, we're still
gonna be a few grand short.

How are we gonna make up
the difference?

Charity gig. My band could play
a Charity gig at the bar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What-- What band?

| got a band, a-and we
were playing at the bar,

rehearsing after hours,

and we actually sound
pretty tight.

l-| find that
hard to believe.

You know what? | heard them.
| was down there one night.

They’re not bad.
That’s a ringing endorsement.

I’m just saying.
And you know what?

We could probably
charge extra at the door,

because it’s for charity,
people will pay.

Yeah. First with their wallets
and then with their ears.

Well, does anyone else
have a better idea?

Nah.
No.

LOU:
All right, guys,
let’s get some fliers up,

and let’s get
the word out.

In the meantime, we should all
pray to our respective gods

Garrity gets
a relapse and dies.

Hey, look who’s back.

What’s going on?
Nothing much.

Did you come
in the fire trucks?

Aw. No. We’re off duty today.

Ever since you told all
those stories,

he and the rest of the kids have
been obsessed with fire trucks.

We should just take him
down to the firehouse.

That'd be fun, right?

I’m afraid he can't leave
the hospital in his condition.

You know what? Maybe we can
bring the trucks to you, right?

We could leave
the engine at the house,

bring the rig down here
and the Suburban.

What do you say?
Really?

Yeah. How about that?

Wow. That’d be so cool.
| Know, right?

What do you say
to the nice man?

Thank you.
You’re welcome.

Thank you so much.

See you later.
| like those football slippers.

BOY: Thanks.
You’re welcome.

Nice going, asshole.
What?

Bring the trucks down here?

How the hell am | gonna
swing that with Needles

breathing down my neck?

Well, what'd you
say yes for?

Because what am | gonna do?
You put me on the spot.

I’m gonna say no to this
little kid’s face,

get the schmuck
of the year award?

So we can’t bring the truck?
Is that what you’re saying?

Aw, | don’t know.
| had a niece who had leukemia.

She died when she was 10.

Look, you said we’re gonna
do it, so we’re gonna do it,

but we gotta keep
it on the down-low. Understand?

Yeah.
All right.

You bunch of mooks start
working on your poker faces.

Stop staring at these kids
like they got a third eye.

Yeah.

Assholes.

Mike says that once Sean’s
mom and brother take off,

| can move in with those guys.

Well, I’d be careful
about that. Jesus.

If they ever find out
stupidity’s contagious,

you could be in trouble.

Yeah. Well, I’m already
21 years old, Tommy.

If | live with my mother
any longer,

it’s gonna be a little
Norman Bates, you know?

Nice reference.

Honey, you know if you need any
help with the rent, | mean--

Uh, no. Thanks, mom, but,
uh, I’m a working man now.

I’d rather pay
my own way.

Anyway, | gotta take a whiz.

Ah.
Right.

Be right back.

So you okay with this?

Mm. My steak was
a little rare,

but | don’t like
to send things back.

No, | mean the--
This, you know, whole deal,

the empty-nest
syndrome thing.

Oh. They got a pill
for that. Heh.

Yeah, they may have
a pill for it,

but I-- I’m just concerned
about your feelings.

Mm. Not your job to care
about my feelings, okay?

Just ’cause we’re having sex
does not mean that you suddenly

gotta pretend like you
care about my feelings.

Okay, I’m not. It’s not
because we're having sex.

I’m genuinely concerned with--

How about | don’t want you
to care about my feelings?

How about that? Huh?

Look, | just want you to care
about taking care of Damien.

All right? Don’t shit a shitter.
I’m not shitting you, okay?

You never cared about
my feelings before, so pfft.

This is not before.
You're right this isn’t before!

This is the present and I’m
gonna stay in the present.

Shh.
Okay? And in the present,

| simply want you to keep
my baby safe on the job.

All right.
l-| didn’t order that.

WAITER:
From the gentleman
at the bar,

from your A.A. Friend.

TOMMY: Oh. Hey.
Cute.

Hi. All right, well, anyway,
| just thought I’d--

You know, if | were to bring up
the past-- Which I’m not gonna,

because like | said,
the past is dead.

Yeah. Although,
apparently still breathing.

But for the sake of argument,
let’s just say that | were

to go back, | have got a list
of grievances that would stretch

from here to goddamn Indochina.

| Know you do.
Like the time

I’m sorry.
you were checking out

the waitress when we were having
dinner on Saint Valentine’s Day.

What year? What--
And also how about the time

that you dismissed
the dream | had

about you sleeping
with Cynthia Nixon?

| never slept
with Cynthia Nixon.

In my dream, you did.
She’s a lesbian.

Not back when | had my dream
she wasn’t a lesbian,

and listen, | have got a royal
goddamn scroll of reasons

why | choose
to live in the present.

Yes.
Okay? The past is too painful,

and the future is too scary,

so all | wanna do
is have dessert,

finish this little
bottle of wine, go home,

have sex with you,
and then fall asleep

with a big, fat frigging
smile on my face.

| will worry about tomorrow when
| wake up and take my pills.

Okay.

Case closed.

Also, that time that we went
to Jennifer’s birthday party

and we were all
in the living room with Jennifer

and you were in the kitchen
with that big-titted bitch

with the angora sweater
and then she spills her wine

and you practically
lick it off with your tongue.

Then they bring the cake out,
and you don’t even come in

to sing, "Happy Birthday."
How about that one?

Okay, first of all-- Heh.

Who’s Jennifer?

She’s in the past.

[SLAMS TABLE]
Now | gotta take a whiz.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]
Yeah.

Just like old times.
You said it, pal.

Tommy. Drinking again
and loving it.

Thank you, brother.

This man changed my life.

Good times, man. Thanks.
Have a great night.

Okay. Bye.

Who was that?

My new sponsor.

And here we are.

Whee. Pork chops. Mm.
Mm-hm.

| used the Shake ’n Bake,
and the gravy

is from your mother’s recipe.
Oh.

The brussels sprouts,
you'll notice,

have been slightly browned,

and the mashed potatoes
are chunky.

Mm.
Just as you like them, babe.

Mm-hm.
Bon appetit.

Mm. Hey, could we, um,
just kind of lay off

on the French
expressions for a while?

|, uh--
Just a sore spot with me.

Your wish is my command.

Chow down.
Thank you.

[GIGGLES]

Mm.

Honey, I--

| don’t mean to critique
your culinary skills,

but | think you got a washer
in the mashed potatoes.

Yeah.
You lose this?

Is this--? Is this
what | think it is?

It is.

Oh, Candy.

| mean, where did--?
Where did this come from?

Candy, | mean, this is coming
from left field.

| mean, wh-what is this?

| took what we talked
about to heart.

| decided to follow it.

We haven't even
slept together.

Ken, you have to stop
obsessing about that.

We have connected
on a sexual level.

That was, like,
two years ago.

Uh, whatever.
We know that works.

We've connected
on a whole new level,

a more spiritual
and emotional level.

| think-- | think I’m
having a panic attack.

Oh. Oh--
Just give me some air, yeah.

Sit down.
Sit down.

Look, | love
taking care of you.

| love cooking
your meals.

| love watching you
eat them.

| love cleaning up
after you.

Here. Have a drink.

| can't.
l-| can’t move my arms.

Here.
No.

This?
Yeah.

More?
Mm.

Ken.

| love you,

and when two people
have that connection,

despite what all
the other bullshit is,

you go for it.

You follow
your first impulse.

Mine was to ask you
to marry me.

Now, the only question is,

what was your first impulse
when you figured it out?

| had two impulses that
happened simultaneously.

And they were?

One was to say yes,

and the other was
to pick up my knife

and to drill it into my brain.

| like the first one better.

| do too, | think.

Mm. Damn, that was-- Oh, my--

That was fun, huh?

Fun? Yeah, fun and intense,
you know.

| mean, | was-- Swear to God |
was seeing colors at one point.

It was like a--
Like a kaleidoscope in here.

| mean, believe me
when | tell you that

| don’t say this
very often at all.

| am-- | am just thoroughly
destroyed, you know? | mean--

Heh. Usually I’m the one

that does the destroying
in this scenario.

You know what I’m saying?

Oh.

What are you looking at?

Hm? Oh, uh, nothing.

Just admiring the view.

Oh. You mean the view
being my ass?

Uh, yeah. You know,
it is rather majestic.

Actually somebody
should hang, like,

a scenic overlook
sign next to it

so people could pull to the side
of the road and get a good look,

maybe take some pictures
with the fam next to it,

like the Delaware Water Gap.

Oh, yeah? The Delaware Water
Gap. You want some water?

Yes.

Well, you better
hydrate up, champ.

This fight ain’t over yet.

Oh. Baby, you’re gonna
kill me. | love it.

Guys'’ll tell you the
life of a probie sucks.

You get hazed,
get your balls busted.

You get to pull every shit
detail in the house,

but if you stick it out,

get to take out your anger
and your resentment

on the next poor schmuck.

Cool. Hey, Lou.
Hey, junior.

No school today?
Nah. Short day.

Exam’s coming up.

Chief and Mike were just
giving me some study tips.

Kid’s sharp.
| got a good feeling.

Mi gente. | have been
to the promised land.

Bayonne?

No. | closed
the deal with Carla.

This chick nearly put me
in the hospital. Dehydration.

I’m telling you, at one point,
| kinda, like, blacked out,

and when | came to,
we were--

We were banging
in an entirely different room.

We got ginseng
around here?

Frank, out of all the girls

you bagged
in the last few years,

you're saying she’s the best?

That’s exactly what
I’m saying, Mikey.

For the first
time in my life,

| was completely
outbanged by a woman,

and | cherish every
masochistic moment.

Wow. Who knew gay chicks
were the way to go?

Yo, we should go out and hit up
a few lesbian bars, you know,

see if we can wrangle us-- What?

First time a probie steps
into the shit pile is the worst,

but it'll scrape off.
Eventually. Good luck to you.

You too.
Thanks.

What do you mean,
"gay chicks"?

You guys didn’t
tell him yet?

| told you that
was a probie job.

What do you mean, gay chicks?

We were just hypothesizing
about your girl, Carla’s,

sexual, you know, orientation.

Just because she’s athletic
doesn’t mean she’s gay.

| just bought my mother
a treadmill.

That mean she’s
a carpet-muncher too?

| don’t know. Does you mom
shake hands like Hulk Hogan?

Heh. Okay, this is the point
where you shut your face,

probie, or | shut it for you.

Come on, Franco.
You gotta admit,

you've seen her
body language, mannerisms,

the way that she
carries herself,

the way she could probably
Carry any one of us

if she wanted to. You gotta
admit she’s a little butch.

Carla’s not a lesbo, okay?

The shit this chick
did to me last night,

there’s no way she’s gay.

Lesbos don’t have moves
like that. Reverse cowgirl?

Hey, come on, Frank. | mean,
| Know you’re really into her

and everything, and she’s hot,

and to be honest
with you, dude,

we all would like
a piece of that ass,

but, come on, dude.

She’s gotta be
a fuzz-bumper, you know?

| mean, or at least bi.
And Mike would know.

I’m sure he would.
Know what? First of all,

Lou, you don’t know her.

She’s different
than other girls.

There’s no
debating that.

Okay, you know what?

I’m not even gonna
let this upset me.

You guys are obviously
all just jealous

because | got a little slice
of heaven last night,

and none of you pussies did.
[PHONE BEEPS]

Oh, yeah. You bad girl.

Uh, if you guys’ll excuse me,
I’m gonna go on up and continue

the extremely hot and, uh,

steamy sex-messaging
conversation

we’re currently involved in.

[SCOFFS]

Wait until she tries to do
him with her strap-on.

That ought to wake him up.
[MIKE LAUGHS]

You know, you’re gonna have
to learn one day that, um,

I’m the king of the one-liners
around here.

Hey, you snooze, you lose.

Anyway, | gotta hit the books,
boys. See you soon.

[PATS BACK]

Oh, | can’t wait to get
this kid into this house.

[SIRENS BLARING]

[KIDS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

WOMAN:
It’s shiny.

Okay, kids. Be careful.
Stay back.

What’s wrong with that guy?
Oh, you mean Dominic?

Yeah.

Poor kid. He had a tumor removed
from his calf over a week ago.

Skin cancer?
Yeah.

Wow.
The only reason he’s still

on the ward is because his--
Pardon my language.

--asshole parents
are on vacation

in the Greek Isles.

Wait a minute.
His parents went to Greece

while he had cancer?
Unbelievable.

Jesus.

No love, no care,
no role models.

| feel for that kid.
| really do.

Sounds like a job
for Uncle Lou.

Hey.

Hey, buddy. I’m Mike.

I’m David.

Hey, David. Hey, you wanna
go on the truck?

No, come on.
Don’t be afraid.

It'll be fun.
We’re fireman. Let’s go.

She’s pretty, she’s funny,
she’s smart, she’s sexy.

Eh, so what? So she likes
to drink beer and box

and go to football games
and heckle the other team?

That’s all stuff | like to do.
But you're a boy.

Girls should like
ponies and rainbows

and dolls and stuff.

Yeah, maybe if they’re 10 years old.

Hey, guys.
You got room for two more?

Hey, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, come on in.

To be continued, all right?
What’s up, buddy?

Hey.
Hey.

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah.

What’s the matter?

It’s big.

Well, yeah.
| mean, you know, it’s--

It’s probably
a lot like, uh, you know,

the first time
you saw Santa Claus.

| mean, it’s big,

but it’s like, uh,
maybe a little bit scary.

| remember my kids
were scared

the first time
they saw Santa Claus,

but it’s a good scary,
you know what | mean?

It’s like you have
this idea of what it’s--

He’s gonna look like,
and he’s gonna be--

You get there. He’s big,
and he’s red, and--

And you have all the stuff that
you're planning to say to him--

Santa’s not real.

All right, |--
Santa Claus was a bad example.

Tell you what. You--
You wanna go in the Suburban,

the smaller truck, and then
we can kinda work our way

up to the big rig?
And I-- And I'll let you, uh--

You could even,
you know, run the siren

a couple times
and really scare the sh--

Shit?

| was gonna Say,
"crap," but, yeah,

you can scare the shit
out of people.

What do you think?
Okay.

Cool. Come on.

You ride shotgun.
Okay.

Hey. What’s going on here,
big guy?

You're one to talk, fatty.

This stupid thing won't open.

Hey, I'll do it. I'll do it.

Stand back. See, they got
a latch on the bottom.

There you go. That’s where
we hide all the tools. Yeah.

You like that?
That’s called a-a Halligan.

We use that-- Yeah.
We use that for--

You really shouldn’t--

No, you know what?
You really shouldn't be,

um, playing with this,
because it’s a little--

A little, un, dangerous.

But these are the axes
that we have, and, uh,

yeah, that’s, um, a-- A 6-foot
hook and that’s-- We use that

for venting the, uh-- The roof.
You know, why don’t you, uh--

Hey, you know what?
Why don’t we go in the cab,

and you can play with the siren.

Would you like that?
Screw the siren.

Let’s play Lord of the Rings.

Hey, easy, Gandalf, easy.
Hey, come here. Come here.

Come here. Look, these
aren't toys, okay?

Whatever.
You're just like my dad.

Hey, Dominic, come here.

My dad was an asshole who was
never around too, okay? And I--

| just-- | just don’t want you
to hurt yourself here, okay?

Yeah, | guess.

Okay? Let’s go play with
the siren, all right? Let’s go.

Son of a bitch.

Not so scary, right?
Yeah. | guess.

What’s the matter?

I’m gonna die.

No-- Pfft. Don’t--
Don’t talk like that.

Why not? It’s true.

They tell me I’m gonna be okay,

but | see it in their faces.

Doctors, nurses, the other kids,
my parents. Not you.

Why is that?

Timmy, listen.

Don’t say it. Don’t lie to me
like all the rest of them

and tell me everything’s
gonna be okay, but it’s not,

and | know it.
| wasn’t gonna say

any of that...crap.

Listen, I-- You know, I--
| work in a job where, you know,

sometimes people that
are supposed to live die and--

And then sometimes people
that you think are gonna die,

they don’t die, they live.

| got a buddy who’s up in, uh--
In the hospital right now,

and he’s got cancer
in his kidney,

and for a while it was really--
It was really scary.

But now he’s better.

So, | mean, that doesn’t mean

that he’s gonna walk
out of the hospital, like,

tomorrow morning
a-and not get hit by a bus,

you know what | mean?

You can’t worry
about stuff like that.

You gotta just-- You know,
you gotta be in the moment.

You can’t worry
about buses and stuff.

| mean, like today.
Today’s good, right?

| mean, we got the--
We got the two trucks here,

and we got-- And your friends,
and it’s nice out.

Yeah. | guess so.

Listen, you seem like
a tough guy to me.

| mean, you’re tougher than me,

and you’re tougher
than all these big,

strong firemen
guys combined.

And | don’t put
a lot of, you know,

stock in hope
and "keep hope alive" and stuff,

but, you know, when it comes
to you, | think | do.

| got a lot of hope in you.
| think you got a lot of fight

in you, and | think that’s--

Really, that’s all you can do
is kinda hope for the best,

and maybe that’s
what you'll get.

Or maybe | won't.

Yeah, but, you know,
hoping can’t hurt. Right?

Can | hit the siren again?

Su-- You can hit that siren
as many times as you got--

[SIREN BLARES]
Yeah. See? How about that, huh?

Hit it again.
Yep.

[SIREN BLARES]

Nice.

Amazing. | mean,
they look so happy.

l’ve never seen
them so thrilled.

Don’t you guys have
to get the trucks back?

Aw, forget about that.

It’s against regulations,
but it doesn’t matter.

| don’t care if Needles

or anybody else
finds out about this.

Could be the best thing
| ever did in my life.

Where’s the ignition?
There’s no ignition.

You just flip the Perko switch,
and you press the on button.

Wow. Aren’t most trucks
standard shift?

Most, but not this one.

You seem to know
a lot about trucks.

My asshole dad owns
a trucking company.

The guys at the yard
showed me a few things.

So do you ride in this truck?

Yeah. Lieutenants
always ride shotgun.

So get in. We'll pretend
like we’re going to a fire.

All right. We’ll--
We'll pretend. That'll be cool.

Fun. Cool.

[ENGINE STARTS]

No, pretend. Dominic!

Open the door.
Open the door, Dominic.

Shut the engine off.
We’re pretending.

| wanna go in the big truck now.

Okay. Lets-- Let’s go-- Wait.

Whoa. Looks like somebody’s
actually already getting a ride.

They’re probably just
going around the circle.

| wanna go around the circle.
Ok--

[SIREN BLARING]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

That’s bad.

Follow that goddamn truck.

Come on, Tommy!
Let’s go! Move!

Goddamn kids! I’m gonna strangle
every one of those little shits!

Timmy, put your,
uh, seat belt on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

[HORN HONKING]

Dominic, stop the truck.
Dominic. Jesus Christ--

We ain’t gonna never
catch ‘em, Tommy.

I’m trying.

Dominic!

Yo, stop the truck, Dominic,
right now. Pull over.

Dominic, stop the truck.

DOMINIC:
Yeah-ha! Whoo!

It’s gonna be okay.
You're gonna be fine.

Okay. Okay.

Whoa! Holy shit!
We’re gonna die!

[SCREAMING]

Come on.
SHAWN: Come on, Tommy.

FEINBERG:
These streets are terrible.

Jesus!
Stop the goddamn truck!

FEINBERG:
Oh, my God. Come on,
go around it. Come on.

Hurry up.
All right.

Can | hit the siren again?
Yeah, go ahead.

[SIREN BLARING]

Come on, man. Hit it. Let’s go.

What does it look like
I’m doing? Okay? I’m driving.

[CHUCKLES]

[CRIES OUT]
[GIRL SCREAMS]

Stop the truck, kid!

You son-of-a--

You want me to drive, Tommy?
Come on, man.

What are you doing?

Faster, Tommy, faster!

Damn these cancer kids.
Not you, Timmy.

There’s still hope.
The other-- You know.

Stop the-- Stop the truck.
Why?

Hit the brake.
Stop the goddamn--

You okay?

Thank you.

| can die now.

[SNORTS]

That was awesome!

Can we play
Lord of the Rings now?

[GIRL SOBBING]

If | were your asshole parents,
I’d stay in goddamn Greece.

[Pre]